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Woman's Parents Expect Her And BF To Sleep Separately While They Stay Over, And The Internet Can't Even

You're both still virgins aren't you?

Redditor u/tanrisiz has a bit of an awkward romance issue. You gotta love it when family insinuates themselves with... opinions. That's always a sign things are going to be fun. She asked the people of Reddit... Is it reasonable for my parents to expect me (24F) and my boyfriend (24M) to sleep separately? 


I currently live with my boyfriend in a place fully funded by us. My conservative-ish parents know this and are fine with it. They implied before that they expect us to sleep in separate rooms when we sleep over at theirs which I respect because it's their place and their rules. However my mom said that she would expect us to sleep separately when they come over to visit as well. I believe that this is too much because you can't impose rules like that when you are coming over to someone's house. They come here knowing we live together so it is unfair of them to expect us to amend our living arrangements for them. They did pay for my education and accommodation abroad the past 4 years but I am employed and living on my salary now.

Are my parents being reasonable when they expect their grown up daughter to sleep on a couch when visiting her place where she lives with her boyfriend?

My mom went on to say that they would just get a hotel anyway to avoid the awkwardness, but she was still expecting me to at least offer to do this as a gesture. What's the point of even bringing this up if you weren't going to take up the offer anyway?!


Stand your ground! 

Nah, "your house your rules" works both ways. It's your house, your rules. You show them respect in their home, and you should be able to expect the same from them.

SmootieFakk

You don't own me! 

Oh Please- that doesn't mean they own you forever, and you know that. Let them stay in a hotel and don't give it another thought. You're an adult now.

deignguy1989

Providing support doesn't give a control or ownership interest.

toaster404

Tear up the Prenup! 

You're not an indentured servant. If they wanted you to agree to live by certain principles after they stopped supporting you, they should have had you sign a contract.

atrueamateur

And you're going to support them in their old age. Again, works both ways.

fragilestylus

College is over... tell them. 

Them helping you financially with your education is their job as parents and does not grant them any say in what you choose to do with your adult life.

Tell them they're welcome to stay at your place as long as it's understood that you're not changing your sleeping arrangement to suit them and that you won't put up with them making any comments about it.

dreamed-a-dream

Free Yourself! 

I feel like they are expecting me to do that because they paid so much money for my education and living expenses in the past years.

This doesn't matter.

Letting go of this feeling is EXTREMELY FREEING. My parents aren't as bad as yours but I've had to deal with similar feelings of obligation, guilt, inadequacy if I don't do it "their way," etc. Trust me: start making your own life rules in YOUR home and enforcing them. It'll help with your personal growth and independence.

fishsticks_inmymouth

Give them some 50 Shades options... 

Tell Mom that as a courtesy to them as your guests, you'll have sex quietly. Tell her you'll do it on the sex swing using a ball gag, so there won't be any squeaks or moans.

AMaskedAvenger

Why would anyone be listening? Talk about weird. 

So much this. Your house, your rules.

My (now husband, then boyfriend) and I slept in separate rooms at my parents house until we were 25. We shared a room at our apartments, even when my parents visited. It wasn't a big deal.

I later found out my parents only had us stay in separate rooms because they were worried my brother would be uncomfortable with my SO and I having sex just one wall away from his room. He's a few years younger than me.

But either way, your house. Your rules. If they aren't comfortable with you and your boyfriend sharing a bed, then they can stay at a hotel. It's not a huge deal.

cakenzhery

Think about that mom! 

it made her feel unwanted

Flip it on her.

"I would really love to have you and dad over, I'm sorry if you refuse to do that because you don't accept my lifestyle."

chasingstatues

I said this and she was like "why do we have to be the one who accepts your boundaries all the time? Why don't you accept ours for once?" In my mind, accepting theirs while staying under their roof is reasonable but my boundaries apply under my roof. But she expects me not to have separate boundaries under my roof.

tanrisiz

Lines in the sand... 

I literally never comment here but this is the most true thing in the thread. Boundaries are where you draw your PERSONAL line, telling other people what they can and cant do is NOT boundaries. While you are in their home, you can either sleep separately or not attend. While they are in YOUR home, you make the choices and they get to decide if they want to come and deal with that or stay home and whine like children who don't get their way.

schoenkid37

Where have I heard that before?

Pull the classic parent response:

"When you're under my roof, you follow my rules!"

imaguestage

In the end you need to accept you won't change her mind. She'll twist any argument to have it her way. So stop trying. Tell her one more time tour house your rules, then avoid the topic with her, repeat as needed. You're an adult.

boosnow

Stand your ground! 

My parents are also pretty darn conservative. Like my mom told me that I had committed a sin for moving one of my friends into the her townhouse with her boyfriend, because I enabled the near occasion of sin for them. So I wouldn't assume that they were actively trying to exert control over you. Unless they put up a fuss about, you moving in with your boyfriend, I'm pretty sure they are willing to step back and let you live your life. They probably just didn't want to be around certain aspects of your life, hence why they asked.

Did they overstep? Yup. Are they being unreasonable? Eh... a bit. Your mom offering to get a hotel room shows that they are at least trying to meet you in the middle. They just wanted it their way first, which is typical in my experience. They have their beliefs and want you to have them as well. It really depends on how much they fight you on them is when it becomes a problem. My advice is just drop the subject. However; if they bring it up, stand your ground.

wilie345

All's fair... 

I currently live with my boyfriend in a place fully funded by us.

It's not necessarily "fair," but their house, their rules would apply here.

danger_nooble

If you wanted to be petty you could say you're happy to sleep in different beds because doing it on the couch, floor, and sofa are easy enough alternates.

AssMaster6000

Grownish...

You are adults loving in your own home. Your parents are being prudish and unreasonable.

allthehardquestions

Boundaries are essential... 

Your house, your rules. It works both ways. I know they might be framing this as a simple little thing you can do to make them more comfortable and you might not think it's a huge deal, but it's really important that you put your foot down. Guests, even if they're your parents, have no right to come into your home and ask you to modify your lifestyle to suit them. And if you give in now, it will set a bad precedent that they can interfere with your lives. One day you two might have a /r/JUSTNOMIL situation on your hands if you don't establish boundaries now.

psychoticsecretariat

If I were a boy... 

Agreeing to stay apart at their house is one thing - their house, their rules. The same should apply to you. My parents made me and my now husband stay apart in their home until we were 21, and it only stopped when on the same trip, my 20 yr old brother and his 17 yr old girlfriend were allowed to stay together. I pitched a fit, obviously, and when all my dad had to say was "it's different bc he's a boy" I was able to convince him how stupid that is lol.

kittymrrow

What's good for the goose...

Tell your parents that you will be happy to avoid intimacy while they're around as long as they promise the same :-)

Invest in conservative PJs if you don't have any :-)

Those are reasonable compromises, but your bed is your bed! They can sleep in a hotel room if they are that uncomfortable with it.

Jeffbrownnoho

There is always somewhere to sleep... 

They implied before that they expect us to sleep in separate rooms when we sleep over at theirs which I respect because it's their place and their rules.

Yup. In their house, you abide by their rules. My dad had the same stance when my ex, who I wasn't even with by then and I were gonna stay at his place.

I ended up not needing to crash at his place, but If I did, we'd have used separate rooms. If I had a problem with it, I could have just found lodging elsewhere.

In your house? Even the one they pay for, you sleep where you want.

Diablo165

Live with it or move on... 

Of course they're being unreasonable! Look, I have conservative parents too, but I have long since trained them to not think they're opinion holds sway in my house. My parents would prefer I never had sex before marriage either, but you damn well better believe they would never ever ever in a million years voice the idea that I should sleep apart from my partner in my own damn house.

TI4_Nekro

LOL...

I laughed out loud when I got to the part about your mom's request. That's a serious boundary violation she was pursuing - good on you for holding your ground.

davecmac

REDDIT

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.