Woman's Husband Won't Stop Trying To Feed Her During New Diet, And The Internet Chimes In
Losing weight is tough, but for some people it's a must. When you read a weight loss struggle story involving a partner, it's almost always an issue where one is sort of forcing the other into it. This isn't that story. In this case, the partner is doesn't mind the dieters weight and understands the weight loss is a must, but doesn't seem to realize they're sabotaging the process.
This Reddit user explained her problem:
I've always been at the top end of having a healthy weight, but after having two children in under two years the balance has tipped into the moderately to severely overweight category. I also have high blood pressure, so losing weight is essential for my health. I'm trying very hard to lose weight, but I'm finding it hard to find the proper motivation. I'm lazy as f--, and my favourite foods almost always involve deep-fried stuff, chocolate, and cheese. Nevertheless I'm trying my best.
I'm working with a dietician, I'm counting calories, I'm trying to exercise on a regular basis, but my first impulse is, and remains, to stuff food into my mouth all day, and the medication I'm taking for my blood pressure is making it even harder to lose weight.
My parter of ten years has always been supportive of me. He's never commented on my weight, he always tells me I look nice, and he's still sexually attracted to me. The only problem is that he keeps trying to feed me. I'm having a hard time saying no already at work, or passing by shops and fast food joints on my way home, and when I'm at home I'd like not to have my guard up. Yet he's constantly plying me with food when we're together and I can't get him to stop doing that.
I've plainly asked him not to offer me food. I've explained to him how calories work, and carbs, proteins, fats and so forth. I've gotten mad at him. I've explained how I feel, multiple times, and he seems to listen (he asks questions) and understand. And the next night, the same thing happens again. When I ask him why he keeps doing this, he shrugs and tells me a little bit of food isn't going to kill me, or that he's offering me healthy food (full-fat yoghurt, fruit, nuts) and to his mind, healthy food doesn't make you gain weight. I can't seem to get it out of his head (and neither can the dietician. I've tried).
I'm not asking him to cut down on his food intake (his weight's fine). I'm not even asking him not to eat snacks near me. All I want is for him to stop offering me things so I can let my guard down.
I realise that I'm lucky to have someone who likes me for who I am and is fine with the way I look, I do, and compared to some of the other issues here this is a trivial thing, but it's bothering me. Any advice?
**tl;dr: I'm trying to lose weight and I can't get my partner to stop offering me food. Help!**
Reddit didn't hold back with their replies... here are some of the top ones, edited for language or clarity if needed.
Making You Happy
He has learned that he can make you happy with food and he likes to make you happy.
He has 10 years of positive reinforcement of this behavior, it will take time to curb.
I would just learn to say no enough and I bet he will eventually get it.
Walk Away
The next time he does it, say no and that if he tries again, you're going to walk away. If he does it again, walk away. It doesn't need to be in anger, it's just a simple consequence. Talking it out, teaching, pleading all doesn't seem to be working, so something new needs to happen.
You need to show that your boundaries are serious no matter how small they seem and that you do follow through on consequences. But after holding your end of the bargain, you'll find out if he doesn't respect your boundaries and that's a much bigger issue. Why he isn't following through on this is important. And if he continues, you'll need to figure out what the next consequences will be and follow through on that too.
Pinochio's Ass
When you turn him down, do you just turn him down or do you tell him that you can't because you're trying to lose weight?
Think about it like sex. When you turn him down for sex, do you just say "I don't want to" or do you say "I can't because (arbitrary excuse)"?
You probably just simply voice your lack of desire. And he gets that because he's not a monster.
But you've likely been framing your food objections in terms of Pinochio's ass: a woodbutt. "I would, but... I'm trying to lose weight". That tells him your objection is external. You want this, but you shouldn't. And it makes you feel bad that you can't have it.
He doesn't want you to feel bad, so he let's you know that he loves you regardless and if it makes you happy to have a snack, have a snack.
Just express no desire for the thing. No clarifications, no excuses beyond "do not want".
And it helps if the first lie you tell is to yourself. Tell yourself: "I don't want that. I'm not hungry". Believe that lie. Then tell him. "Eh. I'm good. Not hungry"
- bautin
Shopping Trip
You need to just learn to say no from him. Maybe go shopping with him and show him what snacks you'd like to eat so if he does get you something, it's a healthier option? But other than that, you need to have some self-control and tell him no.
Adjust The Budget
I've been in nearly the exact same situation with my SO! Like I could have written this post myself! One thing I've found to help me is to actually portion out an extra calorie fund for the end of the day specifically for this. I save usually 100-200 calories for an evening snack of whatever it is he is having (we are both keto, so it's usually something healthy) - that way I stay in my calorie range and he is happy that we get to enjoy a snack together. It has helped with a lot of my anxiety surrounding this issue.
- queensav
Swear Jar
Use a swear jar. Every time he does this he has to put a dollar in a jar. You get to buy new jeans with the money.
Worst Drinking Game Ever
You can use it as a motivation? Every time he offers you something drink water. Have a water bottle with you constantly. A family member did something like it and it was a major difference - apparently our bodies are more thirsty than hungry so drinking a crapton of water helps diminish snack cravings. Win win situation.
On the upside, you'll have to pee like every 10 minutes sooo give hubby a good pinch every time :p
Just Turn Down The Freaking Yogurt
If being offered yogurt and nuts is this big a deal to you, you need to be focusing inward, not outward. Trying to control other people's behavior will result in frustration. You sound like you're struggling to control your own behavior, but overall you're doing pretty well. If you spend your time focusing on your husband's extremely minor failings you're going to drive yourself crazy. Just turn down the freaking yogurt and go about your day.
Fake It Til You Make It
Hey, first off, 'grats on the making the effort to lose weight. It's not easy to start with and totally understand the lack of willpower part, but you're doing it correctly by counting calories.
Eventually you'll find your cravings start to subside and it gets easier not to have things. Once you start portioning appropriately (I don't mean to make assumptions here, its just very common for people to be overly generous with portions) you'll eventually get to the point where you feel full fairly quickly and won't think of snacking beyond when your body is asking for something.
I've had issues with a friend constantly offering me food when I'm trying to lose weight. After I say no I get the whole 'oh go on it won't hurt' or 'but its healthy.' For a while, I gave in, but honestly it ended up making me feel guilty and a failure and I realize that I don't feel like crap when I abstain from food I don't need, but I do feel like crap when I give in and eat it.
Who wants to feel like crap right? So a 'nah' became 'no thank you.' 'I shouldn't' became 'I couldn't'. Eventually it became a hard 'No. I don't want to it's that simple.'
At first, I was faking it. I did want that food. But like they say, fake it til you make it. Resisting the urge actually helped my willpower and changed my way of thinking and feeling. I've spent 15 years fighting against bad habits and trying to break them, realizing that I actually wanted the end goal and not the snack offered to me was the biggest breakthrough I've had.
You want to be healthy for your kids and yourself - and actually being healthy feels great which is why health freaks are so annoying - so when he offers and you say no remember the reasons why you're saying no. Because it makes it easier to say no to him the next time.
It also makes it less stressful on yourself, instead of being annoyed at him, be proud of yourself for the changes you are making.
Tea Time
I think he's trying to please you. This happened when I was trying to lose weight after childbirth. Dieting would often leave me cranky, so he would attempt to cheer me up with foods. I've since trained him to make tea. He was servicing me in a kind way and I really looked forward to enjoying a cup with him and connecting at the end of the day. There are so many different and delicious teas out there, too. Maybe buy a variety to try together.
H/T: Reddit
You know what would be great?
If society could just stop with arbitrary dress codes. If you're not working with the public, why should you have to dress up so much? If you're a police officer, then it makes sense that you'd wear a uniform that identifies you as a police officer. If you're Ted from IT who sits in the backroom all day, I really don't see why you have to come in every day in a suit and tie.
Let's just toss them out, shall we?
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor Levels2ThisBrush asked the online community,
"What should be socially acceptable but isn't?"
"Leaving the office..."
"Leaving the office whenever you've finished your tasks for the day."
misringuette
This is why I'm so glad remote work is the new office.
"And yet, I get it!"
"Taking off sick from work, WITHOUT giving an invasive reason. I supervise a small team and so I see all the OOO emails, and for gods sake I want people to PLEASE not feel the need to explain in detail what kind of diarrhea is afflicting them, or how bad their period cramps are, or how much bad sushi they ate the night before. Just say “I’m under the weather, I won’t be online today.”"
"And yet, I get it! I do it too! I feel guilty or like I’ll be looked at with suspicion if my reason for taking off isn’t sufficiently debilitating enough!"
"But… we need to stop this. As a manager I don’t care, I don’t THINK the people above me who are also on these emails care… let’s just all agree to take sick days without any details from now on!"
imnotwallaceshawn
I do not miss my retail days where I had to organise someone to cover me and beg on bended knee.
"Cashiers or workers who don’t need to be standing all day not having a stool or chair."
Lavatories
Another thing I do not miss from my retail days. Having to stand for hours and hours only to come home with my feet killing me was not fun.
"Prices on apartments..."
"Prices on apartments and their respectable reasons for such price directly on their websites or advertising without the need for a tour or any secrecy."
Spiceinvader3124
I always assume if I have to ask the price I probably can’t afford it.
"Being quiet..."
"Being quiet/not wanting to engage in conversation all the time."
[deleted]
In Finland, if somebody tries to talk to you, they are probably a tourist.
"Choosing not to..."
"Choosing not to have toxic family members in your life."
[deleted]
It feels very liberating once you accept that you don't have to put up with it.
"Employees..."
"Employees calling customers out in public for being a**holes."
gameboy1001
Absolutely. Many customers get away with treating employees horribly because they know they can do it without any pushback... most of the time.
"The fact that I sometimes..."
"The fact that I sometimes need to take my insulin in public. No, Karen, I am not doing drugs, I need to live."
blubberwinx
You’re getting that sweet sweet insulin high… the high of being not-dead.
"Afternoon naps."
"Afternoon naps. I’m on team nap. Give me 25 minutes to charge up and I’ll give you back 3 hours of high quality work. Everyone wins. Plus I go home with extra energy instead of dead tired."
Governmentwatchlist
Short naps don't work for me. I can't do a 25 min recharge. When I take a nap it needs to be like a solid 2 hours
"Speak up!"
"Salary transparency. For some reason, in the US, there’s a taboo or stigma around discussing one’s salary. This should be done openly and freely, with zero embarrassment or judgment. The only winners from avoiding these conversations are the corporations that are able to pay people differently for the same roles. Speak up!"
Jumping_Bear
The "for some reason" you're referring to is simply propaganda on behalf of corporations.
It's evident that something's got to change around here, and we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!
Have some observations of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
As much as many of us don't like to disrupt the status quo, there is only so much time a person can tolerate a miserable situation before things become so unbearable that they ultimately have to peace out.
For some people, it takes a while for them to reach a breaking point. Eventually, there comes a time when they realize their self-worth is more important than continuing to please others who don't appreciate them for the sake of keeping up with appearances.
Curious to hear from people whose patience ran thin and made a strong decision, Reddit Prestigious-Order-62 asked:
"What made you say 'f'k this sh*t im out?'"
The unwarranted reprimanding was something that was never mentioned in the initial job description.
Feeling Criminal
"In the late 90’s."
"One time I got pulled into the Security office at a Department store I worked at. They accused me of constantly using the sales day coupons for people that didn’t present one (we always kept an extra copy at each register). I had watched my own department boss do it many times so I assumed it was okay. We didn’t even collect the coupons to be counted for the cash office, we just chucked them after use."
"They claimed I lost the store hundreds of dollars and had been watching me 'for months' do this awful, unforgivable crime for people spending 90 bucks on already bloated price designer jeans. I’m sure the occasional 10% discount was just devastating. 🙄""I got this huge lecture of how I was LITERALLY stealing from the store and they COULD call the police but would give me a chance to work off the damage. I couldn’t believe how criminal I was made to feel over it. The best part when they called my boss in who pretended to have never done it before to save her own a**."
"I asked if they were firing me. They said 'Yes and No. You will be let go, but you can choose to work off the damages so we don’t take you to court.' I told them I will just quit and asked for my last check. They said they will deduct what I owe from my last check. And I said 'Well then you need to show me all the footage and prove that I was stealing.' They wouldn’t produce footage, finally called the cops, and when the cops arrived, they were just as confused and called it an internal problem and advised them that this was overblown. I think they felt sorry for me. So finally upper management came in and just said 'just issue the last check, I will sign it here.' So much drama over so stupid a thing."
"It was sad because that actual day my Mom and daughter had come to the mall to meet me for lunch and I had to explain I just was forced to quit that job and was never allowed in that store again like I was some awful jerk."
"It was nice a few short years later, the entire chain bankrupted."
– Munich11
Power Trip
"A coworker waited until we were in front of a large group of people to start 'disciplining' me for something 'wrong' I did (I took my lunch 15 mins late to help another coworker) when she wasn’t even my supervisor. Applied for a job transfer the next day and couldn’t be happier where I am now."
– _shes_a_jar
Abusive Boss
"I had a piece of sh*t of a boss. He'd praise you in private but berate you in public. In front of coworkers and customers. Always about stuff that didn't matter."
"He'd also happily break company policy to side with customers after you spent an hour telling a customer you can't give them stuff for free, for example. Any time he was around, everything was miserable."
"My only regret is that I wasn't there to see him marched out by corporate when he got fired, because I had gone on to a better job by then."
– redisforever
Human Punching Bag
"I used to work in a Kitchen at a pub, it was grim work, but I had freinds there and had worked there for 3 years, So it wasn't too bad."
"One Christmas season we were being absolutely pumped, full out functions and busy services. My boss at the time was very stressed and fair enough, We were busy, We were all working overtime and full out. He used any excuse to completely blow up and absolutely scream at me for little to no reason, essentially him yelling at me was his stress relief. But fine, whatever, kitchens are rough places, no appolagies or anything, move on."
"I then go away for 3 weeks over the Christmas holidays and spend the time road tripping around the country having an amazing time."
"First shift back, not pleased being back, he makes a snarky comment."
"F'k this, Im out."
– Freddy54323
Even though these employees weren't chewed out in front of co-workers, the low salary without room for negotiation made them not wanting to stick around for much longer.
You Only Get One Job
"They cut my hours so I had to get a second job. 3 days before I was supposed to start said second job, my manager at the main job told me that I couldn't get this second job because I had main job first and I needed to make it my priority. That's when I said f'k you and left. I didn't even give a notice, I literally just sent an email saying I wouldn't be coming in the next day, grabbed my sh*t and went home."
– ginger_princess2009
Meager Wage
"I used to work Retail and after 7 years at the company, I found out I was only making 50 cents more an hour than someone who just started yesterday. I understood if they couldn't pay me more and asked for a good schedule. 7-3 or 8-4 every day and the same two days off every week. I didn't even ask for weekends off."
"I was told that they couldn't give me a good schedule so I quit."
– maybeashly
Situations weren't much different outside the work place. Social dilemmas prompted these Redditors to say, "nope."
Rude Reception
"Went to a pub because a friend kept asking. When I got there, he was with a group of people I didn't know, so I introduced myself and got the next round. As I come back with the tray, I hear them saying something along the lines of 'why is that b*tch still here? I thought she was just supposed to drop off a bicycle?' 'Ya, we don't want her to come to <this other town with more pubs> and now she is drinking with us?' 'She's so dumb' *proceeds to imitate and ridicule me as I was actively listening and nodding when I was having a conversation with my friend."
"Gave the beer to random people and walked right out after saying good evening to my friend and briefly explaining I did not appreciate being tricked into being a bicycle taxi for people who hate me directly after meeting me."
– ILikeLamas678
A Shocking Incident
"I was on my boat fishing for bass. I casted out my line and watched the lure hit the water but the line just floated in the air. Lightning and thunder crashed and the line fell to the water. F'k this sh*t, I'm out."
– fsh4fun051
Femme Fatale
"She lined my bed with broken glass put the blankets over it and I dove on in lol."
"Edit: She was violent/crazy and on drugs, was like the 20th attack I took and that made me really think lol."
– MyLifeForAuir1Ally For The Ex
"I found nudes of his ex (from ten years ago) that I’d previously asked him twice to get rid of tucked in a pair of MY socks. Our couples counselor asked why he’d kept them and he said, 'You know. In case I ever needed to blackmail her.' He said it like it was a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to plan to do. The therapist and I locked eyes and I noped the f'k out of there and moved out."
– Previous_Mood_3251
Most of these Redditors realized leaving their situation was better than dealing with the consequences of sticking around.
The latter is never a good option. Why remain in a scenario you know is already going to consume your soul?
The lesson for today is–Don't be miserable. Your sanity is worth saving.
Besides, you would never know that something better awaits if you just don't get the F out.
As we enter into the summer months, people now have to decide whether or not they want their morning coffee to be hot or iced.
Lucky for them, it's delicious either way.
One could make an argument that foods that are equally delicious hot or cold are perhaps the best, or at least the most reliable.
And this can include foods which are not customarily sold both hot and cold (cold pizza anyone?).
Redditor NectarineOther4989 was curious to hear which foods people enjoy either hot or cold, leading them to ask:
"What is something that tastes good both hot and cold?"
Fresh out of the oven, or the next day!
"Cookies."- SuvenPan
Chocolate withstands all temperatrues
"Brownies."- Reasonable-Software2
Chocolate Satisfying GIF by HuffPostCan't go wrong with fruit and pastry
"Pie."
"Apple pie."- Hak_Saw5000
This doesn't only apply to food
"Revenge."- pushthestartbutton
karine vanasse revenge GIF by HULUGiphyLet the flavor develop
"Banana bread."
"2 totally different flavors depending on warm vs cold from fridge."- nonkowledge
So many to choose from!
"Sandwiches."- Designer-Usual1691
A matter of textural preference
"Cheese, ya fools."- eat_dontpray_love
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs Eating GIFGiphyUnder a hot greek sun, or during a cold winter's eve.
"Spanakopita."- mrsxpando
While there's no better smell than a batch of chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, those eating them the next day likely aren't missing out either.
Those who are truly superstitious have trouble shaking off customs which others might find somewhat silly.
These include holding your breath when passing a cemetery, throwing salt over your shoulder after spilling it, or not stepping on cracks for fear of breaking their mother's backs.
But even though it has been irrefutably proven that there is absolutely no validity to these superstitions, these same people will likely never stop performing these customs.
Nor will some others ever stop believing myths and hoaxes which have likewise proven to be one-hundred percent false.
Redditor Jimbo_Jigs was curious to learn the things people will never stop believing, despite ample evidence to the contrary, leading them to ask:
"What is proven to be a hoax but people still believe it to be true?"
Crack away!
"That cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis."- SnooCompliments9257
Though, it's still wise to avoid doing this...
"If you pull out a grey hair three more grow in its place, my sister still believes this one."- oopySpaff
brain GIFThough they might still not be please you'r touching their child!
"Touching a baby bird will make its parents reject it."
"Any baby animal."
"When in doubt, reach out to your local wildlife rehabilitation network/individual."- JustMeerkats
I can sleep with my mouth open? Who knew!
"That you swallow 8 spiders a year in your sleep."- rentinghappiness
Never pay others to be an entrepreneur.
"MLMs, Boss babes, 'be your own boss' scams."
"I'm not sure how many documentaries need to be put on YouTube before people will stop buying into these companies and wasting their money."- ImAGhostOooooooo
It's literally quite the opposite
"Shaving making hair grow in thicker."- offbrandbarbie
Though a balanced diet doesn't hurt...
"The food pyramid."- sd2528
Best to stay out of the mouths of others regardless
"That dogs mouths are cleaner than humans!"- Mental_Investigator3
GiphyJust makes you more visible.
"It’s illegal to keep the light on in the car while driving."- rerhodes770
It seems that there is no amount of convincing that will ever lead these people to realize that they've been duped.
And one can't help but wonder what people do with the false information that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a humans?