Losing weight is tough, but for some people it's a must. When you read a weight loss struggle story involving a partner, it's almost always an issue where one is sort of forcing the other into it. This isn't that story. In this case, the partner is doesn't mind the dieters weight and understands the weight loss is a must, but doesn't seem to realize they're sabotaging the process.
This Reddit user explained her problem:
I've always been at the top end of having a healthy weight, but after having two children in under two years the balance has tipped into the moderately to severely overweight category. I also have high blood pressure, so losing weight is essential for my health. I'm trying very hard to lose weight, but I'm finding it hard to find the proper motivation. I'm lazy as f--, and my favourite foods almost always involve deep-fried stuff, chocolate, and cheese. Nevertheless I'm trying my best.
I'm working with a dietician, I'm counting calories, I'm trying to exercise on a regular basis, but my first impulse is, and remains, to stuff food into my mouth all day, and the medication I'm taking for my blood pressure is making it even harder to lose weight.
My parter of ten years has always been supportive of me. He's never commented on my weight, he always tells me I look nice, and he's still sexually attracted to me. The only problem is that he keeps trying to feed me. I'm having a hard time saying no already at work, or passing by shops and fast food joints on my way home, and when I'm at home I'd like not to have my guard up. Yet he's constantly plying me with food when we're together and I can't get him to stop doing that.
I've plainly asked him not to offer me food. I've explained to him how calories work, and carbs, proteins, fats and so forth. I've gotten mad at him. I've explained how I feel, multiple times, and he seems to listen (he asks questions) and understand. And the next night, the same thing happens again. When I ask him why he keeps doing this, he shrugs and tells me a little bit of food isn't going to kill me, or that he's offering me healthy food (full-fat yoghurt, fruit, nuts) and to his mind, healthy food doesn't make you gain weight. I can't seem to get it out of his head (and neither can the dietician. I've tried).
I'm not asking him to cut down on his food intake (his weight's fine). I'm not even asking him not to eat snacks near me. All I want is for him to stop offering me things so I can let my guard down.
I realise that I'm lucky to have someone who likes me for who I am and is fine with the way I look, I do, and compared to some of the other issues here this is a trivial thing, but it's bothering me. Any advice?
**tl;dr: I'm trying to lose weight and I can't get my partner to stop offering me food. Help!**
Reddit didn't hold back with their replies... here are some of the top ones, edited for language or clarity if needed.
Making You Happy
He has learned that he can make you happy with food and he likes to make you happy.
He has 10 years of positive reinforcement of this behavior, it will take time to curb.
I would just learn to say no enough and I bet he will eventually get it.
The next time he does it, say no and that if he tries again, you're going to walk away. If he does it again, walk away. It doesn't need to be in anger, it's just a simple consequence. Talking it out, teaching, pleading all doesn't seem to be working, so something new needs to happen.
You need to show that your boundaries are serious no matter how small they seem and that you do follow through on consequences. But after holding your end of the bargain, you'll find out if he doesn't respect your boundaries and that's a much bigger issue. Why he isn't following through on this is important. And if he continues, you'll need to figure out what the next consequences will be and follow through on that too.
When you turn him down, do you just turn him down or do you tell him that you can't because you're trying to lose weight?
Think about it like sex. When you turn him down for sex, do you just say "I don't want to" or do you say "I can't because (arbitrary excuse)"?
You probably just simply voice your lack of desire. And he gets that because he's not a monster.
But you've likely been framing your food objections in terms of Pinochio's ass: a woodbutt. "I would, but... I'm trying to lose weight". That tells him your objection is external. You want this, but you shouldn't. And it makes you feel bad that you can't have it.
He doesn't want you to feel bad, so he let's you know that he loves you regardless and if it makes you happy to have a snack, have a snack.
Just express no desire for the thing. No clarifications, no excuses beyond "do not want".
And it helps if the first lie you tell is to yourself. Tell yourself: "I don't want that. I'm not hungry". Believe that lie. Then tell him. "Eh. I'm good. Not hungry"
You need to just learn to say no from him. Maybe go shopping with him and show him what snacks you'd like to eat so if he does get you something, it's a healthier option? But other than that, you need to have some self-control and tell him no.
Adjust The Budget
I've been in nearly the exact same situation with my SO! Like I could have written this post myself! One thing I've found to help me is to actually portion out an extra calorie fund for the end of the day specifically for this. I save usually 100-200 calories for an evening snack of whatever it is he is having (we are both keto, so it's usually something healthy) - that way I stay in my calorie range and he is happy that we get to enjoy a snack together. It has helped with a lot of my anxiety surrounding this issue.
Use a swear jar. Every time he does this he has to put a dollar in a jar. You get to buy new jeans with the money.
Worst Drinking Game Ever
You can use it as a motivation? Every time he offers you something drink water. Have a water bottle with you constantly. A family member did something like it and it was a major difference - apparently our bodies are more thirsty than hungry so drinking a crapton of water helps diminish snack cravings. Win win situation.
On the upside, you'll have to pee like every 10 minutes sooo give hubby a good pinch every time :p
Just Turn Down The Freaking Yogurt
If being offered yogurt and nuts is this big a deal to you, you need to be focusing inward, not outward. Trying to control other people's behavior will result in frustration. You sound like you're struggling to control your own behavior, but overall you're doing pretty well. If you spend your time focusing on your husband's extremely minor failings you're going to drive yourself crazy. Just turn down the freaking yogurt and go about your day.
Fake It Til You Make It
Hey, first off, 'grats on the making the effort to lose weight. It's not easy to start with and totally understand the lack of willpower part, but you're doing it correctly by counting calories.
Eventually you'll find your cravings start to subside and it gets easier not to have things. Once you start portioning appropriately (I don't mean to make assumptions here, its just very common for people to be overly generous with portions) you'll eventually get to the point where you feel full fairly quickly and won't think of snacking beyond when your body is asking for something.
I've had issues with a friend constantly offering me food when I'm trying to lose weight. After I say no I get the whole 'oh go on it won't hurt' or 'but its healthy.' For a while, I gave in, but honestly it ended up making me feel guilty and a failure and I realize that I don't feel like crap when I abstain from food I don't need, but I do feel like crap when I give in and eat it.
Who wants to feel like crap right? So a 'nah' became 'no thank you.' 'I shouldn't' became 'I couldn't'. Eventually it became a hard 'No. I don't want to it's that simple.'
At first, I was faking it. I did want that food. But like they say, fake it til you make it. Resisting the urge actually helped my willpower and changed my way of thinking and feeling. I've spent 15 years fighting against bad habits and trying to break them, realizing that I actually wanted the end goal and not the snack offered to me was the biggest breakthrough I've had.
You want to be healthy for your kids and yourself - and actually being healthy feels great which is why health freaks are so annoying - so when he offers and you say no remember the reasons why you're saying no. Because it makes it easier to say no to him the next time.
It also makes it less stressful on yourself, instead of being annoyed at him, be proud of yourself for the changes you are making.
I think he's trying to please you. This happened when I was trying to lose weight after childbirth. Dieting would often leave me cranky, so he would attempt to cheer me up with foods. I've since trained him to make tea. He was servicing me in a kind way and I really looked forward to enjoying a cup with him and connecting at the end of the day. There are so many different and delicious teas out there, too. Maybe buy a variety to try together.
Consumers who have money to burn often buy things they don't really need, like travel accessories, specialized sports equipment for an activity they've only done once, or even cookbooks, when plenty of recipes can be found online.
They might be missing out on buying things that could actually make life so much easier because it never occurs to them.
Curious to hear recommendations of items that can improve your life, Redditor icandoitw asked:
"What are some life-changing purchases that are 100% worth it?"
People thought it was worth spending a little extra for a better quality of life.
"Sounds simple but honestly, something as basic as a good pair of shoes that fit you well."
"A good mattress and pillow. We spend a third of our lives lying on it, why not invest in it? Anything that you use a lot, you should seriously invest in, like I have a $400 custom mechanical keyboard. People say I am crazy, but I use it every day, for hours on end, it’s my job."
"If you have trouble sleeping, a weighted blanket. I’ve gone from about 5.5 hrs average sleep per night to 7 hours average which is incredible for me, and I wake up feeling so well rested"
Better In The Dark
"Blackout curtains. Especially in the summertime, they help you sleep so much better."
"Good quality re-useable ear plugs. Soooo much better than the cheap foamy ones."
"They will definitely improve your life if you go to loud concerts. Filter our overtones so you can hear the music better at a loud punk show. Also hearing loss is irreversible and there's no cure for tinnitus."
Clear The Air
"For blind/visually impaired people: A smartphone. They literally are life changing, and can function as numerous separate and extremely pricy accessible devices and can do things like color and money recognition, text recognition, the uses are amazing."
"In general though, if you have allergies, especially seasonal or pet, AIR PURIFIER. When we bought our hous a few years ago, my allergies got so bad, we were almost considering moving, but then i bought an air purifier and it was so life changing, i got one for each floor of our house. One of the best purchases ever."
Life can be made easier with the help of these items.
"A second monitor."
"Suprised i didnt see this yet, but it improves productivity so much as you can have tabs open and type whatever you want on the other or even watch youtube etc."
Taking Stock In This
"3+ gallon stock pot. Boil pasta, potatoes, or whatever without a boil over. No more starch water burning all over the burner."
"a fully functioning computer."
"many people don't have one, they exist in phones or tablets, and holy sh*t they are missing out."
"Washer and dryer. No planning days and accumulating quarters for laundry. Just dump a load in a go about my business."
Save your back and your money by hiring people to do hard labor.
Refrain From Heavy Lifting
"paying for movers to do everything from pack to move all of it."
"never doing that sh*t again."
You Deserve It
"People really underestimate the power of this."
"At least in my social circle, for a long time it was just understood that if someone was moving everyone was showing up that day to lift and lug from house A to house B with the rich reward of beer and burgers after, as if it had all been some fun party everyone loved. This persisted even after people could conceivably afford movers."
"I personally think it is A LOT to expect of friends do that for you. Yeah, when you're young and you have three bags of clothes, two boxes of books, and a futon (and no disposable income at all), it's understandable. But paying for movers and then packers is something I did as soon as I had any money to pay for it. That is what money is for, it's not necessarily what friends are for."
The best pandemic purchase I made that was worth every penny was for several sets of free weights.
Once I canceled my gym membership, I invested in some dumbbells so I could follow YouTube workout videos in the comfort of my home.
They are not cheap; however, I'm saving more money in the long run without having to pay a monthly gym membership fee.
I've seen more gains from using the free weights and following an instructor on a monitor, and my motivation to work out is higher than ever.
If you find yourself plateauing at the gym, you may want to invest in making some changes to your exercise regimen that works for you.
You know, try as I might, I just can't bring myself to bother with The Walking Dead. I quit the show some years ago, probably around the time of that weird fakeout with Glen in the dumpster (and then his actual death right after that), but the truth is that the show was getting on my nerves for some time before that.
Did anyone actually care about all the nonsense going on with Deanna and the citizens of Alexandria? And can we go back a bit further and talk about how ludicrous Beth's death at the hands of some power-tripping officer in a hospital ward was? There was such a noticeable drop in quality after the third season that I questioned why I kept tuning in.
But this show is far from the only one to make people want to throw their remotes at their television screens. People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor regian24 asked the online community,
"What TV show was amazing at first but became unwatchable for you later on?"
The Walking Dead
"The Walking Dead."
"First few seasons were great with pretty good pacing. Later seasons devolve into telling one story at a time. They’d have a cliffhanger of a character maybe dying and do 3 weeks of other stories. By the time it gets back to the cliffhanger you have no idea what’s happening. That and it got repetitive."
See?! What did I tell you? After a splendid first season – one that could have been a standalone miniseries at that – the rest of the series just failed to live up to its initial promise.
"I watched every new episode of Glee when it came out and was slightly obsessed with the show. But as soon as it finished it all crumbled. The show makes no sense, is not good, and I could never rewatch it."
I just couldn't get into it. I found it grating. And the fact that the quality noticeably slipped afterward did not make my friends happy.
"Heroes: biggest drop in quality after season 1."
To be fair, the writer's strike really hurt that show's future. It never stood a chance after that – and my God, did I hear that that second season was horrible.
"Happy Days! Once Fonzie jumped the shark, while waterskiing and wearing his jacket, the show just got progressively worse."
This is the classic answer to this question. Gen Xers like me even use the term "jumping the shark" to refer to things that were once great but now suck.
"The Blacklist. So many loopholes and a never ending plot. I mean, the female hero (forgot her name) was wanted and had her pictures broadcast nationwide live, but a couple of weeks after she can do undercover work."
I couldn't even stand the first episode. I quit right after that. I could tell the quality was questionable.
"Arrow. It's what happens when you try to make so many seasons for a show meant for only a few."
This is true about lots of shows. The writers and executives just don't know when to quit.
Once Upon a Time
"Once Upon a Time. The first 3 seasons were good! And then after that they just kept getting worse."
People actually liked that show? I know, I know... I'm the worst. I just didn't see the appeal and it heard it got so ridiculous.
"A hilarious and intriguing show that slowly grew to be about a bunch of unlikable a-holes making bad, selfish decisions. When there's no one with any redeeming characteristics, there's no one for the audience to get behind."
It started out great but really started to go off the rails with characters making increasingly nonsensical choices. Nancy marrying the Mexican drug lord was the beginning of the end.
That '70s Show
"Not the worst offender, but That '70s Show tanked pretty hard once Eric left. He was sorely needed to make the chemistry of the group work."
Yeah, the way these characters continued to stick together even after that was just embarrassing.
House of Cards
"The first two seasons were amazing. After that it started to get progressively worse."
I would argue that even the second season began to stretch the limits of credulity. I lost interest after the fourth season (and both the third and the fourth seasons were a slog for me to get through).
There is some amazing television out there – I am currently making my way through Six Feet Under again – but there is even more disappointing television that should never make its way into your eyeballs.
Sorry if you've suffered.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
More often than not, what gets us to keep tuning in to our favorite TV shows, or drawn to certain movies, is to get a glimpse into various professions which fascinate us, but which we wouldn't ever want to work ourselves.
Needless to say, there aren't many people who find the Indiana Jones films to be a remotely accurate depiction of archaeology, or that the Jurassic Park films show what paleontology is really like.
But many people tend to watch iconic procedurals like Grey's Anatomy and Law & Order under the notion that they both give an accurate depiction of the medical field and the legal world.
Only, how accurate are they?
Redditor Just_Surround_2108 was curious to learn which professions have been documented on screen without as much research as one might expect, leading them to ask:
"What profession does Hollywood get completely wrong in films and TV?"
In case you had any doubts about hacking...
"Don't nobody code that fast lol."- lmoore0621
The better question is, what does Hollywood get right?
"Just about anything medical, including deaths."
"Just about anything dealing with space."
"Just about anything dealing with natural disasters."
"Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think Hollywood really gets anything right about anything."- Xyrus2000
"Especially in big firms, it’s a lot of just endless hours in front of a desk doing doc review."
"Sincerely, someone studying to do endless hours in front of a desk doing doc review."- geeeeeetarSeason 2 Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
For better or worse...
Don't let them in the operating room...
"Nursing."- buhzkillWake Up Coffee GIF by FOX TVGiphy
Drop that baton!
"Oh my god just take a lesson or two and learn how to hold the instrument right."- soysaucemmm
Crunching those numbers... incorrectly...
Accountants. I'm sorry, but the action Thriller "The Accountant" starring Ben Aff-lack, was in no way a true representation of my job. - User Deleted
Defying all laws of motion...
"It's hilarious how they act!."- Prestigious-Order-62back to the future 121 gigawatts GIFGiphy
At least depending on where you went to school...
If we're being honest, most people tune in to watch films or television shows to escape from reality, and aren't usually looking for a documentary on these professions.
Though, for anyone thinking they want to be a scientist after watching Back To The Future... you might want to really think that one over...
Those who commute to work are always looking for ways to pass the time.
Many take it as an opportunity to catch up on their reading, or in this modern age, binge their favorite show on their laptop, tablet or phone.
Others, however, might make the time it takes them to get to and from work a little more practical, and either hone or learn a skill.
And while one can't master anything too complicated or difficult on the train or bus, there are some skills which can be practiced virtually any time, anywhere.
Redditor This_IsATroll was curious to hear from the Reddit community the ideal skills to fine tune on the way to work, leading them to ask:
"What's a silly little skill one can practice during the daily train commute?"
Expand your skills in communication
"One phrase in many languages."
"I used to know 'Where's the bathroom?' and 'More water please' in 16 different languages."- shaka_sulu
"Sign language"- Billie_Goat_Eilish
"Use Duolingo to learn a new language."
"Before you know it, you've learned phrases like "''m crying on the floor and eating bread'," and you'll soon be ready for your breakdown in multiple languages."-Talk Talking GIF by WikipediaGiphy
Impress your inner circle
"Memorize obscure poetry."- GodsCasino
Before there was Wordle...
"Crossword really expands your vocabulary and gives you some useless knowledge."
"You never know when you will need to know who was the first president of Serbia."- Much_Committee_9355
Work those abs!
"Clench your ab muscles."
"'Tuck your tummy in' anytime the train stops at a station."
"Hold them clenched until the train starts up again."
"We used to do this as kids when the car was stopped at a red light."
"It sounds silly, but it's a surprisingly strenuous workout for your core!"- AirborneRodentWorking Out Sit Up GIF by jecamartinezGiphy
You never know when it will come in handy.
'Learning how to tie knots."
"I highly recommend the app Knots 3D.'
"It provides a history of the knot being displayed, its intended use case, strength, reliability, and its structure."
'It's a wonderfully useful and easy to learn skill to have."- Nobodythrowout
You'll have a blanket in no time!
Mastering the art of numbers
"Sudoku."- CrazyKZGsudoku GIF by AARPGiphy
Take your pick, challenge yourself!
"Learn a language."
"Write a story."- camelfarmer1
Next time you're on your way to work, and think about all the things you wish you could do, maybe try doing them?
Who knows, you might end up seeing your fellow passengers reading the book you started riding the train...