Woman's Boyfriend Lied About Being Married During Divorce Proceedings, And Wants To Know If She's Overreacting
August 17 | 2018
Photo via Wikimedia Commons
There's a huge breach of trust at work here, and one that also involves a little gaslighting. Ladies, if a man ever makes you doubt your trust in yourself....run the other way.
u/mizpinkie13 told Reddit her tale:
Found out my (28F) boyfriend (33M) was still married for most of our relationship
RelationshipsMy divorce was finalized last year. My boyfriend said his divorce was finalized a few months before mine was.
We're having some other issues currently, so I decided to do some digging because things just weren't adding up. Low and behold, on the county clerks website, their divorce final hearing was at the end of May and the judge didn't sign the decree until June.
We've been together for a year. He was married for 10 months of that.
I found out about 6 months ago that she actually lived next door to him, which he also lied about.
Am I overreacting? Is this a big deal or no?
tl;dr Boyfriend was still legally married to his ex during our relationship.
So some Redditors came to the rescue with answers:
One
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My partner and I have been together 2 years next week. He got divorced 11 months ago. I got divorced 2 weeks ago.
We were both absolutely clearly separated from our exes, we both separated from our exes like 8-10 years ago. We don't speak with them, and we live a long way away from them.
Neither of us were bothered that the other was still married because we both felt the same way about divorce - it was just a piece of paper.
The difference here, is that we both told the other that we were still technically married as we hadn't finalized our divorces.
Your boyfriend lied to you.
You need to get to the bottom of that in order to decide if it is a gigantic issue or not.
Maybe he filed, and thought that was close enough to divorce to say it. Maybe he deliberately lied because he knew you wouldn't date him otherwise. Find out why he lied, and you'll have your answer.
Two
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It wouldn't have been a big deal had he said "my hearing isn't until May. How do you feel about that?" Under the current circumstances, it's a VERY BIG DEAL.
Three
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It would have been nothing for him to be up front and say hey, we're in the middle of a divorce but it won't be final until xx date. There was zero reason he needed to lie about that. Divorce takes time, and plenty of people move on relationship-wise in the meantime.
What IS a big deal is that he felt the need to lie about it. This is not some little, white lie. This is a HUGE lie. It IS a big deal. You can't start a relationship on a lie like that.
Four
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Well, yeah. But at least you now know how he's going to treat you in the future when he meets his next partner. Seriously, this is the red flag you snatch off the pole and run away waving as you leave him in the dust and never look back.
And my *ss he didn't know. It's a f-cking divorce. You definitely know if it's final or not, plus how did he miss the now ex-wife living next door to him?
Nah, he pulled the old bait and switch on you. He's counting on you now being emotionally invested enough in him you'll let it slide and he can continue to lie to you.
Five
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Your boyfriend is a liar. It's a big deal. You can't trust his word, and without that, you have nothing.
Six
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I'd be really annoyed and would have a hard time trusting him after a lie like that. You know him best though and you know what you will put up with so ultimately the choice is yours. But you're not overreacting in my eyes, your feelings are very valid!
Seven
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The issue is that he lied to you and hid crucial details about his marriage from you. I dated a guy for a year who was legally separated, but not divorced, throughout most of our relationship. He was clear from the get-go that he was still married because they had to be legally separated for a year before being able to file for divorce and he never hid it from me. She had moved out to live with her new boyfriend and he remained in their house with the pets. All his friends confirmed it when they hung out with us by making casual remarks about his soon-to-be-ex-wife. In my case, it was not a big deal because he was honest with me. In your case, yes, it is a big deal and you are not overreacting. If I were you, I would have immense difficulty trusting him moving forward.
Eight
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Divorce lawyers heavily suggest you do not start a relationship until everything is done and settled. This is one of the reasons why.
On the flip side of the coin, many times when the divorce actually happens the person is actually checked out years before hand, and the divorce is just a formal acknowledgement. Following the lawyer's advice essentially condemns you to an interpersonal desert for 1 to 2 years. Imagine two years of not being able to get close to anybody at all. That is why some people ignore the lawyer's advice.
I'm not saying what happened was right or wrong. What I am saying is try to see it from the lawyers point of view. Then try to see it from his point of view and how desperate he might have been for human contact. Especially if the marriage ended in a dead bedroom of several years followed by two years of essentially social isolation. At that point you get desperate just to connect with somebody, anybody. And that would lead you to lie.
Nine
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I left my wife in 2010. Had a gf from 2010 to 2011, then another from 2011-2012. We finalized our divorce in 2014.
For the first few months, it was due to not being 100% sure. We both dated, though our partners knew our situation. After that, it was that neither of us wanted to cough up the hundreds for court fees. We had no disputes. We'd already peacefully divided assets. And we stayed friends.
Hell, after our final hearing my ex and I got lunch. (We stayed friends, but don't know about your bf)
It's.....paperwork.......legalese.....
I dunno why he lied, but unless he was involved with her, I'd say let it slide.
Ten
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This happened to me. Met my husband Aug 2014. His divorce was finalized Dec 2016. For the whole relationship, all 3 of us thought they were divorced. It wasn't until his ex found out that they were still legally married.
We married February 2017.
There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.
But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.
Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.
<p>A recent Reddit thread asked folks to share their best uses of that timeless institution. </p><p>theotherhalfof2 asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What's the best $20 you ever spent?"</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a></p>
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<p>For many, it was all about the clothes. </p><p>With secondhand stores dotting every town and city there is, true gems lurk on racks just under our noses. And with a $20, those new threads are yours to keep forever. </p>
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Breaking Even
<p>"I got a jacket and a pair of jeans at goodwill for about $20. My first time wearing the jacket I found a tiny zipper inside a pocket."</p><p>"There was a secret inner pocket with a twenty in it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdv70q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheBrontosaurus</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Keeps On Giving
<p>"23 Years ago I was in the US for some work and was not prepared for the cold of Chicago. Went to wal-mart and bought myself a cheap, warm jacket."</p><p>"I'm wearing that jacket right now - still looks fine, still keeps me warm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe41xv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TastyEnd</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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As Good As They Come
<p>"Wool pinstripe double breasted suit from Goodwill, fit perfectly and was brand new. Ended up wearing it to get married the next year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdw6mx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">verminiusrex</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"God I love Goodwill!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe5aee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Neverthelilacqueen</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>For others, the $20 bill facilitated a true act of kindness. They were glad to put their money towards such a worthy cause, celebrating human connection in the process. </p>
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The Socks She Needed
<p>"I work at a thrift shop. A homeless lady came in and asked us where the socks were. We only sell new socks, so I directed her towards the new socks and she was... shocked and disappointed by the price tag, surely."<br></p><p>"I gave her a moment as she looked, and she moved to some kids' socks and picked them up, and I... just couldn't let that happen. I told her that I would help her, and told her to get herself some socks and a jacket."</p><p>"She kind of just... held out the children's socks, so I took them, put them back, and grabbed the extra fluffy socks that were hanging."</p><p>"She grabs a jacket and some pants, and I pay for it. My coworker looks the other way since we're not supposed to purchase anything while on the clock. The lady is in tears as she walks out."</p><p>"I notice that she's still outside a minute later putting them on, and ask her if they fit her or if she needed something else; and she told me they were perfect and proceeded to cry. I cried in return."</p><p>"It was a good day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpen3w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Snowodin</a></p>Not Forgotten
<p>"A guy came into my work when I managed a mom and pop Pizza Place. He said he was stranded with no phone, and no money, but that the people at the Verizon store next door to us said they could get him a cheap phone with some minutes on it for 20 bucks."</p><p>"He offered to do dishes for a few hours to make some money so he could get this phone. I told him not to worry about it and gave him a 20 from my wallet. He thanked me, asked me for my name, and then he left and I never saw him again."</p><p>"Skip forward about 5 months, and when I get into work the owner was there and said she had gotten a letter addressed to me. 'Weird,' I thought."</p><p>"But when I opened it there was a 50 dollar bill and a short note from the guy I gave 20 dollars to thanking me for my kindness and for not turning him away."</p><p>"Turns out he was in a bad way (addicted to hard drugs and homeless) and really was stranded there. He was trying to get a phone so he could contact his parents (who lived in another state) for help."</p><p>"From what it sounded like, he seemed to really turn his life around. He was clean and working a stable job while still living with his parents."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpem2xc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mixmaster-McGuire</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Best Finale
<p>"It was the day before payday. My wife came to see me at work. My break was in an hour, so I asked for her to wait a bit, so we could enjoy it together. She did."</p><p>"I bought her some lunch, because it was what I could afford. I bought her a ham and cheese sub sandwich and two iced teas. These were her favorite. I bought gas with the rest of the twenty so she could get home. She dropped me back off at work."</p><p>"That night, she passed away. It brings me comfort to know that I bought her favorite sandwich and drink for her that afternoon. It was likely the last thing she ate, since it was near dinner. I'll never forget it. Best $20 I ever spent, because it was for her."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe9c6d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LollipopDreamscape</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>A handful of people recalled a memory that was made possible by $20. There's no two ways about it: money motivates people and makes things happen. </p><p>Fortunately, sometimes those things are positive. </p>
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Leaning Into the Nerdery
<p>"It was my ninth or tenth birthday. My grandparents gave me $20. The first $20 bill I ever held in my hand! I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it."</p><p>"A week later, we went into the city and Toys R Us. I went straight to the Transformers aisle. And there he was. My favourite Transformer. The one I always wanted...Soundwave."</p><p>"He's the one who turned into a Walkman and he could eject cassettes that turned into robot animals. The price tag said $19.99. It was meant to be."</p><p>"I took Soundwave to the clerk and gave her my $20 bill. "And here's your change!" she said, as she gave me a single penny."</p><p>"Ah, Soundwave. The best friend a lonely little nerd could have."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdzzxe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">originalchaosinabox</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Different Time
<p>"I went to a Rush concert in 1982. The ticket was $9.50 and the t-shirt was $10." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdyr0k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PaulsRedditUsername</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Motivational Spending
<p>"My then six year old niece had a loose tooth she loved to show off and had resisted pulling out for two weeks. We were all at my parents and I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out a $20 and said 'I'll give you this right now if you pull out your tooth.' "</p><p>"She was already crying because her little sister had did something so when she ran into the bathroom none of us had no idea in what she was about to do."</p><p>"So she comes out crying still, but a little bit of blood I'm her mouth because of course, she pulled out her tooth. But the now removed tooth fell down the drain to the sink and she was crying because she lost her proof!"</p><p>"After she calmed down she was happy as a clam with a brand new $20 and everyone was quite proud of her. My sister told me she spent it on candy and shared with her little sister."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdxi4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">themasimumdorkus</a></p>For the Story
<p>"It was actually to a scammer in Rome. There was this guy right outside of Colosseum who started tying strings around my wrist and told me to make a wish. I knew it was going to cost but I thought what the hell, last day in Rome so might as well go with it. </p><p>"My wish was to find love."</p><p>"I spent rest of the day getting lost in the city and stumbled across two weddings and one baptism ceremony. So I did find love, just not for myself."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe7b2w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FatalFinn</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><br></p><p>So next time you have a single $20 left in your wallet, maybe take a moment to think about using that thing intentionally. You never know what memorable moment might come of it. </p><p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?
Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?<div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_1"></div>
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<p>Rules, rules, rules. Life is already full of rules, especially for the youth. Rules at school, rules at home. It's all inescapable. But parents love to get in on complaining about school rules, sometimes they prove to be a hindrance to the entire family. That's things start to get real... real quick. </p>
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Don't Peek
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc4OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDE0Mzc2OH0.Y1Lzy1MTqxyVqOCe9xjeHTRZsKnbyVjYzdb4-Heldyo/img.gif?width=980" id="78b19" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e14a90be026b734830e7661f776ba4a8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="475" data-height="475" />schitts creek wtf GIF by CBCGiphy<p>Took all the doors off the men's room bathroom stalls because of vandalism for 2 months.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphrfce?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Endless_Vanity</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Endless_Vanity/" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Scanned
<p>School added thumb print scanners at gates of school which counted as registration - needless to say I would just walk to school scan my thumb and walk back home with them none the wiser. Was a great few months until they noticed. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpidnou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">richpianofan5</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Age of Empires...
<p>Conservative Christian College. A group of us played Age of Empires one weekend. They didn't like it and called a meeting. Everyone involved got misdemeanors on their records. There was nothing in the handbook about it being against the rules. The only person that didn't get any punishment was the son of the president even though he was just as involved as the rest of us. <span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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"Genius"
<p>In my freshman year of high school we had a terrible vandalism problem, the bathrooms would be broken in various ways almost constantly. In a stroke of pure genius, the staff decided that any bathroom that was vandalized would be closed for the week on first offense, the quarter for second, and permanently on the third offense.</p><p>They took back the rule after closing every bathroom on day one. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi77co?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Samus388</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Samus388/" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Was quite interesting explaining the write up on my record when I transferred. "You got a misdemeanor for what?!"</p><p><strong><em>Edit: </em></strong> they made it a rule after the fact and did this several other times with things such as nail polish or radio control helicopters. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi9p0a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">DragonZoomies</a></p>
Is this Footloose?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc5Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzg0MjU2M30.PeBUt-YWZeeRStaD_RZlGPQzo29E9t733yqZbIiJlYs/img.gif?width=980" id="3a5bd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="102730e3b1b90ba9cb393561c702c9af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="500" />kevin bacon dancing GIF by STARZGiphy<p>Prom was a mandatory lockdown for the night in order to avoid students going to parties after prom.</p><p>Prom was held at various house parties across town instead. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi37x7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Coffee-spree</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>That is a lot of over reach. You can't control where kids will go, and what they will do once they've left the building. You should dance everywhere for prom. I get some of these situations, vandals are a problem but when does a solution go from solution, to impeding on privacy? I'm glad I'm graduated. Keep reading, you will be too. </p>
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HOLDEN FOREVER!!!
<p>My high school mascot was Daniel Boone holding a musket. A kid wore a Guns 'n Roses shirt to school and was told he had to change shirts because of the pistols on the shirt. He pointed out the hypocrisy of the school mascot and they changed EVERYTHING. The mascot was switched to holding a flag pole instead. <span></span></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>Every instance of the mascot was changed from the multiple signs outside and around the school to the giant picture in the middle of our basketball stadium. Holden, you're a freaking legend for this. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi8vo1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">smith0825</a></p>
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No Dots
<p>You couldn't wear ANY kind of head items that were "gang colours" (red or blue) - this No included hair bands, scrunchies, beads in your hair, ribbons - ANYTHING. I got in trouble for wearing a blue hair band with white polka dots. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphzpyf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pleasant-Flamingo344</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Clothes Check
<p>We had to wear belts. Someone snitched that people weren't wearing belts under their sweaters, and they actually checked and a bunch of people got detentions. Stupid. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ooo-ooo-oooyea</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>We had belt raids at my school where the dean would burst into classes, completely interrupting any education, to check that everyone was wearing a belt. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpia8pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">GuinnessMicrodose</a></p>Chase the Flat
<p>We weren't allowed to play tag football at lunch, only frisbee. When I asked the principal what the difference was, he responded with a sarcastic tone, "A football is round and a frisbee is a flat disk."</p><p>He left the school later that year, went to another school, and a few years later was brought up on charges for failing to report the abuse of a student by a teacher. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi6lh3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">uninc4life2010</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Poke-Thief
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDgwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODg5MzY2Nn0.5LMPk1suou6U2SvAURKP-sHEuK7Izpkbxm0PWqvx95E/img.gif?width=980" id="b6e9f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="92383d30e34aa92fd74cf6c1374ec294" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />hotline bling pokemon GIFGiphy<p>Pokemon cards got banned in middle school because someone stole the vice principal's kid's cards. Yep. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpiapym?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Skadoosh_it</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Skadoosh_it/" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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In the Face...
<p>If you were involved in a fight, you got suspended. While it sounds reasonable, context didn't matter.</p><p>I got suspended once not for throwing a single punch, kick, whatever. I got suspended because someone knocked the books out of my hand and when I reached down to grab them they punched me in the face.</p><p>I got suspended for walking down the hallway and unprovoked getting punched in the face.</p><p>Forget Brandon Valley Middle School. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpicbyx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLG_MianBao</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Rules are essential, I totally get it. But maybe it's time to come to the table and invite more voices to sit in when they crafting the ideas. Education is a collaborative effort. </p>
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<p class=""><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/" target="_blank">REDDIT</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/" target="_blank"></a>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.
Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?<div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_1"></div>
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<p>I can't tell you how many times I've sat back and chose not to speak up when medical professionals just started rambling. How dare I speak up. What do I know? I flunked chemistry and got through Geometry with a "D". But a few times there were issues left not discussed and there were problems. Just listen up to some alarming experiences. </p>
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Grandma Wins
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcxOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTQxNTgzOX0.n9IaFGgHwnULMlI2kg7RUftxDg6lyWvdM9CnhvptCRY/img.gif?width=980" id="a0857" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9762f97a23c27ccf6b75974caa854361" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Old Lady Wine GIF by MattielGiphy<p>Not a doctor, but my grandmother saved my father's eyesight because she didn't listen to their doctor. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>As a child, my father had really large eyes, too large. My grandmother was concerned, but the doctor kept brushing it off as normal. That anxiety-ridden woman got her herself and my infant father on a train to SF to get to an eye specialist, against all others advice. My dad was diagnosed with primary congenital* glaucoma and his eyesight was saved. Go grandma!</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfpgsi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">KittenCatAttack</a></p>
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The Mummy Appendage
<p>When I was a resident, an 80yo female was admitted from the nursing home for confusion. Workup showed some mild UTI and we were giving her antibiotics. The nurse mentioned that her toe looked dark and asked me to look at it. The toe wasn't just dark, it was mummified. It looked like dry beef jerky. I touched it and pieces flaked off. So the patient from a nursing home, had a mummified toe, probably for months, that no one knew about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg00qn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Dr2ray</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The CT Save
<p>Here's my story:</p><p>A guy came in to our ICU and was very septic but still talking. He had visited his primary care MD with complaints of a sore throat for a couple of days. Dismissed without any intervention since he didn't appear to have strep throat or the flu. At this point he was having pretty severe abdominal discomfort, so we sent him for a CT scan. As the scan was finishing, he coded and had to be intubated, multi-organ failure, etc. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>The CT scan was horrible - he had all kinds of stuff all over his peritoneal cavity.</p><p>His wife told us that he had choked on an ice cube the day before he saw his primary care MD. Evidently he swallowed a whole double half-moon shaped ice cube that perforated his esophagus with a HUGE linear 4.25 inch tear, allowing a significant portion of his swallowed food and drinks to get in to his peritoneal cavity instead of his stomach. </p>
<p>To make things worse, he had some reflux that allowed stomach acid to get in there as well (likely while he was sleeping).</p><p>Once we realized what was going on, he went for extensive washout and exploratory surgeries to repair the damage to his esophagus and other organs. Thankfully, he made a full recovery, but he was very close to not making it. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg0lo5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">brianlpowers</a></p>
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Patches
<p>When I was an ER nurse we got an elderly lady in for altered mental status from a nursing home, when we undressed her to put her in a gown and hook her up to the monitor, I noticed no less than 5 fentanyl patches on her, guess I discovered the cause of the AMS. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg1lml?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ChewbaccaSlim426</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Use your Words
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDA1NjI0MH0.WtyCdxL1vRZwD2-jpKZXMOEakwhiBaJIkp1YPnOzlvo/img.gif?width=980" id="e45ca" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f5b98e6a4605a587dbd97579468a51d8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="498" data-height="367" />Communication GIF by memecandyGiphy<p>Neurologist sent patient to our ED without informing her that imaging showed a glioblastoma assuring her impending death. He didn't overlook the disease, he overlooked the communication. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfl5t5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AzureSkye27</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>Lord healthcare is a minefield. If you want to keep living, survival requires communication, and if you can't do it... get an advocate. Clearly I'm not the only one going through this miasma. Wait until to hear the rest...</p>
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Mad Cow Realty
<p>During my residency we had this lady in her 60s who was getting progressively more forgetful, just overall declining and getting less and less able to take care of herself. She had been seeing her pcp who diagnosed her with dementia. And she saw a neurologist who agreed. She was not really able to provide an accurate history. <span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>After talking to her family and friends it became apparent that her symptoms were progressing unusually quickly. I remember seeing the point where her new hair growth met her bright red dye and also her grown out nails with hot pink polish thinking, wow, it really wasn't too long ago that she was not only taking care of herself but like, going to get her hair and nails done. The lady in front of me was so far from that. </p>
<p>The neurologist I was training with recognized this, had her admitted and did every test including lumbar puncture. Workup eventually showed Creutzfeld Jakob disease ("mad cow") which there is unfortunately no treatment for. She died a few months later but at least we were able to prepare her family that she would only continue to decline so they could make arrangements. Really sad situation. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfqcc2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">apoptoticmeow</a></p>
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After Birth...
<p>I used to work in maternal-fetal medicine, and every single week, we would have women referred to us "because the doctor couldn't see something clearly with the baby and wanted to double check." Nope, they just didn't want to have to be the ones to tell you that your baby had a complex cardiac defect or multiple anomalies indicative of a genetic syndrome or any other of a large number of horrible things that can happen during fetal development. Still pisses me off when I think about how many women waited weeks for more information because their doctors were cowards who couldn't tell them, "There's something seriously wrong here." <span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>"I can't see it quite clearly," didn't sound serious, so the appointment wasn't made with any urgency, and now you're 24 weeks pregnant with a fetus that will not survive infancy, and have no options but to carry to term and hope for a quick and painless death shortly after birth. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gphpa9e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">thrway010101</a></p>
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bad doctors
<p>I'm not a doctor, but a RN. This happened to me, but isn't nearly as bad as most of the stories on here.</p><p>When I was in college, I got to where I couldn't swallow. It started with difficulty swallowing, progressed to me having to swallow bites of food multiple times/regurgitating it, and then got to where all I could swallow was broths and mashed potatoes with no chunks. I went to the doctor multiple times, and was told every time it was acid reflux and part of my anxiety disorder. <span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>I lost 30 pounds (was only 120 when this started) and was just generally miserable.</p><p>Finally my grandma was tired of watching me be sick all the time, so she called the GI doctor herself. They said we needed a referral, but she explained the situation and they got me in the next day. Did an endoscopy and my esophagus was 95% occluded at the gastroesophageal sphincter.</p>
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<p>For some reason, some of my primary doctors notes ended up in my discharge paperwork (I guess they had to contact her to get my information) and she had told them it was acid reflux and basically I was being over dramatic. She stated she did not recommend them to do the procedure.</p><p>Needless to say, I switched doctors. Awful. Was not a fun year. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfohh8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ohoyminoy</a></p>
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The Valve...
<p>He put the pacemaker lead in the subclavian artery (and across the aortic valve into the left ventricle). The proper approach is: subclavian vein to right ventricle). And then he didn't notice it for over a year. I saw the patient (a 25 yo woman who didn't need the pacemaker in the first place) when she was in congestive heart failure. <span></span><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_16" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>The pacemaker lead had destroyed the valve! A surgeon and I had to do surgery to remove the pacemaker and lead. <em>Then replace the aortic valve! </em>Totally inexcusable. Well, 50% of doctors are below average, but everybody thinks theirs is in the top 10%.<br></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfqikq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">dofeveg655</a></p>
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Bitten
<p>Rattlesnake bite. On a 2 year old. Patient and dad out in the fields near a small town that is several hours away from the nearest big city, where I work.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_18" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Dad takes the child to the ER in the small town with an obvious snake bite, doctor there says "eh it's ok she probably didn't get envenomated." Doesn't give the patient antivenin, which they had at that hospital, and instead of electing to send the child to us by helicopter, he sent her by ambulance. Several hours later patient shows up to our hospital coding, and ended up dying.</p>
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<p>Probably didn't get envenomated?!? What the hell kind of stupid fool idea is that. If a tiny child gets bitten by a rattlesnake, you assume they've been envenomated and you treat them as though that had been. That means antivenin, physiological support, etc. completely absurd.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg2v1h?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">USMC0317</a></p>
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<p>So what have we learned? Medicine is a collaborative effort. We don't have to know everything, but we have to be vocal. More than one opinion = saving lives. More often than not... YOURS! </p>
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<p class=""><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/" target="_blank">REDDIT</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/" target="_blank"></a>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>
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When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.
Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.
U/Tynoa2 asked: What's your favourite historical fact?
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<p>Let’s start off with some super weird facts that you probably never even considered. These are the best.</p>
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Trees are honestly really effing cool.
<p>For 60 million years trees didn't decay.</p><p>When they died the just fell over and laid there.</p><p>For 60 million years trees existed before the enzyme that broke them down when they died.</p><p>So tons of massive trees in the oxygen rich environment just laid on the ground. Until they burned. That's how we have coal.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Tkieron/" target="_blank">Tkieron</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Did they believe her though?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDM1NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MjQ0MzUxNn0.MoiI9zjkaZJTqlM4TOva8YqV1YCBanmdpTnDKpIJBYk/img.gif?width=980" id="974ed" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d6424414e43e3cadc252310f5bf52aa8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="499" data-height="361" />disney bambi GIFGiphy<p>In 1726 there was a woman called Mary Toft who tricked doctors into believing that she gave birth to rabbits.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/solarflannels/" target="_blank">Solarflannels</a><br></p><p>There was another woman who would take the eggs from her chicken, etch "jesus has come" into them and shove them back into the chicken who would then lay it again and people actually thought the chicken was a prophet.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/stitchmidda2/" target="_blank">Stitchmidda2</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A whole river.
<p>Some time in around the beginning of the 1500's Leonardo da Vinci and Niccolo Machiavelli conspired to try to steal the Arno river.</p><p>They both lived in the city of Florence and at the time there was hostilities with the city of Pisa which was nearer to the mouth of the Arno river and controlled trade on it. Da Vinci came up with the plan to create a canal to divert the river so it no longer flowed to Pisa which would allow Florence to dominate the whole region. Da Vinci drew up the plans and Machiavelli put them into action. However Da Vinci didn't oversee the project and instead the engineer who did decided to do it his own way which would take longer and need more people. In the middle of the project war broke out and the project had to be scrapped due to attacks from Pisa so it never came to be. Still a great historical footnote though.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Dakens2021/" target="_blank">Dakens2021</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Some of the most stunning facts come from assassinations for some reason. Especially the ones that survive.</p>
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Beast mode.
<p>Roosevelt was shot in the chest during a speech and just continued on like nothing happened.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/alpaca1yps/" target="_blank">Alpaca1yps</a><br></p><p>He was shot just before his speech and he knew it hadn't pierced his lung since he wasn't coughing up blood, so he bandaged it and went to give his speech.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Bob-Chaos/" target="_blank">Bob-Chaos</a><br></p>In another timeline, things might have been different.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDM3OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NDUzNjQwOX0.Xp6C-SNFh1c8LKt9uLBBcaLpydUIdlIEcdw8mozBGrI/img.gif?width=980" id="69c8a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0e7917ad8418cbcb9efda3fcda23606b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="250" data-height="200" />John F Kennedy Democrat GIFGiphy<p>It is very possible - and some consider likely - that JFK could've survived the assassination had he not been wearing a thick, girdle-like back brace that kept him stiffly upright when in public.</p><p>Kennedy had terrible back problems since serving in WWII that were continually worsening. The back brace began as early as JFK met Stalin for the first time and wanted to appear tall and strong since it was at the height of the Cold War, however his pain was so bad he often walked around the WH hunched over and looked decrepit.</p><p>JFK continued to wear the brace to keep himself upright and portray the strong youthful image he crafted. When the first shot was fired, the brace made it nearly impossible to move, much less crouch down in the back seat to get out of the line of fire.</p><p>He was then struck with the infamous shot to the back/throat which rendered him more immobile and finally the headshot that killed him. Parkland doctors testified to the Warren Commission how surprised they were at the size and tightness of the brace and how long it took to get off. One remarked it likely made him a "sitting duck" because of how immobile it would've rendered him.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/StaySafePovertyGhost/" target="_blank">StaySafePovertyGhost</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Good to know before she was beheaded.
<p>When King Henry VIII was still married to Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard(his future fifth wife) was one of Cleves' ladies in waiting. They were close, even after Cleves' divorce. With all the tragedy and abuse from the men in her life, I'm just glad that she at least had one friend to trust.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SoapySapling/" target="_blank">SoapySapling</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Here’s the part you’ve all been waiting for- the facts about famous animals. You’re welcome.</p>
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The student teaches the teacher.
<p>Benjamin Franklin had a pet squirrel. As a little girl, I dressed as him, with a squirrel beanie-baby on my shoulder. My teacher had to look it up on the internet to check if I was right. She was amused.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MasterAqua2/" target="_blank">MasterAqua2</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sounds on-brand for Jackson.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDM4NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1Mzk5MDg5M30.CLC30YDaNbAjTsJvxbf2J7bRTzCFZwQL-uVEncS1bbw/img.gif?width=980" id="793ac" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="992b71a8780072be5ecc28bd0389b9be" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />happy dr pol GIF by Nat Geo Wild Giphy<p>When Andrew Jackson died they had to remove his pet parrot from the funeral because it couldn't stop swearing.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/belligerentbanana69/" target="_blank">Belligerentbanana69</a><br></p><p>He also had a comically large cheese wheel.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Klaudiapotter/" target="_blank">Klaudiapotter</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Lastly, we gotta shout out the presidents. Sometimes they actually did weird sh*t.</p>
I guess we’ll never know.
<p>Abraham Lincoln once gave a speech which was so good that all of reporters forgot to take notes, still to this day we don't know what exactly he said.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/SmilE_HACK/">SmilE_HACK</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Well-portrayed in the Hamilton musical.
<p>That George Washington was known as this Really Talented Dancer, and was very in tune with the dances at the time of his being... Idk why I just never woulda thought this at all but it's dope to hear that dancing/socializing was always a thing!</p><p>Like from the passage I read it seemed like Whenever George was in attendance at the function, everyone knew he was gonna cut a rug and tear the house down.. and the ladies considered themselves lucky to be his dance partner.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/BobbyCodone303/" target="_blank">BobbyCodone303</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>As for me, my favorite weird historical fact is that Anne Boleyn had an extra finger. That fact is frequently overlooked in favor of her identity as Henry VIII sixth wife. I could go into that, but they already made a whole musical about it.</p><p>Anyway, I hope this made history a little more fun for you. It's not all memorizing dates- sometimes you never know what you'll find in a history book</p>
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