Woman Seeks Advice About How To Open Up To New Friends About Her Tragic Past
Life ain't easy and we ALL have a past. Sometimes we do all we can to runaway from and hide the life that once was and the person we used to be. Problem is that person... existed and they'll never not be a tangible presence. Admitting who we once were is an essential part of growth. Case in point...
Redditor wannacomeclean wanted to discuss... Want some advice on how I [29F] can "come clean" to some new friends [32F, 34F, 34M, 38F) I've gotten close to over the last 6 months to whom I've been lying by omission.
I know what I'm going to do, I just want to talk out the best way with some objective parties, I hope that's ok. I will change all names and fudge some irrelevant details just in case...not that I'm super scared anyone will recognize me, just like my anonymity.
I've been through some s***. There is no way to sugar coat it. 3 years ago I was married to the love of my life (Ben) with the most perfect human child that ever existed (Veronica) and I was 5 months pregnant with a boy. We were hit by a drunk driver at 5pm in the afternoon, my husband and daughter died on the scene, and I miscarried my son in the hospital later that night. I was otherwise physically "fine". It has not been an easy road. There were times when I'd have killed myself, except after losing my daughter, I'd never do that to my mom. I took time off work, I spent time with friends and family, I went to therapy almost every day, I grieved. I tried to go back to my old job, but it just didn't work. I don't blame my coworkers at all, but no one really treated me normally. With everything they did there was just this...pity. Every idea of mine is the greatest, every joke I tell is the best. When I walk into rooms people stop talking and focus on me, everyone wants to share my workload and help me out. They are doing what you'd think any wonderful people would do but it felt terrible. I wanted to move on with my life and feel normal.
6 months ago, at 29, for the first time in my life I moved out on my own, to a new state, I got a new job using no connections who knew me.
I moved to this new far away city and tried to recreate myself. I had always wanted to salsa dance so I started going to a salsa night at a bar and ended up seeing 4 people there frequently. 3 women and a man, Brenda, Donna, Kelly and Luke. Brenda, Donna and Luke were a few years older than me. Donna and Luke are divorced with no kids (not divorced from each other) and Kelly is the oldest and is married with 2 kids. I started seeing them at the bar every Thursday night and spending time there, but after a few weeks we exchanged numbers and got together for dinner. The rest is "history", we were fast friends and hung out about once a week, sometimes Donna and I would see each other more often because she was also single.
The last 6 months have been the best and and worst I could have imagined. I needed for people to treat me as a human. I needed to not see pity in their eyes when they looked at me. I needed them to be honest with me and not just tell me everything I did and said was the best ever because I've suffered enough. It felt great for a while. They called me out on my s***, they aggressively loved me, I felt so normal.
One weekend we went to the beach together. Kelly saw me in my bikini and exclaimed "ugh you bitch, you're so thin, that is the body of a woman who has never had a baby!" and laughed. She was complimenting me, I wanted to scream that my body grew the most perfect human that ever existed and that my breasts fed her for 13 months. I suddenly cursed my body for not having stretch marks when before it'd seemed to be a blessing.
Now Brenda has been dating someone seriously and they just got engaged, and is leaning heavily on Kelly and Donna since they've both been married and want advice. Sure she wants my advice too, as a good friend, but she doesn't want to hear about my wedding that I had poured my heart and soul into because she doesn't know it happened. But I guess I didn't think I'd become such great friends with these new people and want them to know more about me, and now I am looking for the best way to tell these people that I am a widow who lost a child and a pregnancy along with her husband. I've known them for 6 months and we've gotten so close in so many ways.
I don't say this to sound bitchy, but I also know that I'll get a pass. No one will be mad that I haven't told them yet, everyone will understand, I just want to tell them in the least dramatic way, and to make sure they fully understand my reasons and that my intentions for lying by omission were selfish, but good.
tl;dr: Want to tell my close friends of 6 months that I lost my husband, daughter and a pregnancy 3 years ago and have lied to them about it by omission since we met.
How To Proceed
GiphyI think tell them some of what you have told us here.
Tell them that you moved somewhere new to get a new start, to be treated normally. Tell them that their friendships have been so valuable and wonderful, and has helped you heal.
Then tell them that as you have become closer, you have wanted to share some of the positive aspects of your past. That you feel compelled to speak up about the wedding you planned, the marriage you built, the child you carried and nurtured. And so you know you need to tell them what happened.
Pity Party Perspective
The impression I got was OP did not want to be treated differently because of the tragic losses she suffered. If she confides this to her friends they will treat her differently. The solution of "just tell them" seems the obvious simple solution, but she may not like the results. Remember, OP moved away and recreated her life to get away from the pity party everyone was constantly throwing for her. It kept her grief alive. If she confides in her friends she may very well end up in the same situation.
And as someone else pointed out, her friends may end up feeling like s*** for the things they said to her in ignorance, like the bikini incident. This will only exacerbate the situation OP wanted to get away from, people feeling guilty and pity for her.
No matter how nice your friends are, most are not equipped to deal with the reality of OP's issues. I don't have any real answers for OP besides do not drop the bomb. Maybe trickle truth OP's past, mention she was married but she doesn't like to talk about it. If one of her friends reaches out to her for more info, OP can share more as the friend is indicating they want to hear what happened, but to keep it to themselves for the time being.
Framing
GiphyI'm going to tell you something that might sound counter-intuitive given that you're looking to be honest, but: framing is important. If you start your revelation by telling them that you've been lying to them (even by omission), they're going to receive it as a story about how you lied to them.
You have done nothing wrong here. You have done nothing dishonest. You have held back nothing that anyone was entitled to, or needed to know. You did what you needed to, at the cost of no harm to any living person. That's not a lie in my books.
So maybe sit down and tell them "There's a part of my life I haven't been ready to talk about until now, but now we're so close I can't imagine not sharing it with you." And work on thinking about it in those terms yourself. There's nothing to beat yourself up over here.
The Original Poster Had An Update For How It Went
GiphySo I really want to first take a moment to talk about how awesome my experience in this sub has been. I knew that I wanted to tell my friends the story of my past, and I knew they would react pretty well, and I knew they'd be supportive and we'd remain close friends. I really just didn't know how to bring it up after SIX months. I don't know if I expressed it in my first post, but 6 months is kind of a long time, I feel so close to these people in so many ways, so mostly it was just weird to me to not be able to casually mention my family. I absolutely still have days where it's hard to get out of bed and I just want to be left alone to cry in the dark, but so many times I think of happy memories with my family, and adorable things Veronica did that I'm reminded of and I want to be able to pepper those into my conversations. I struggled with HOW to tell people. One on one? Big group dinner? Email? So I actually emailed them all the day after my first post here and invited them over for dinner the next night if they could make it on short notice. I said to please bring their SOs, but told Kelly I'd explain later why I think she shouldn't bring her kids this time. Honestly I was just afraid she'd get really upset and wouldn't want her kids to see her like that. She couldn't get a sitter, so her husband stayed home with the kids, but Brenda and Luke brought their SOs, and I made a huge pot of chili and some cornbread. I feel like they sensed something was up, because honestly I thought the odds of them all being able to come with one day's notice was unusual.
They showed up early evening, we sat in my living room (tight quarters!) and had some wine, and then I started. I'm an awkward person, so I basically said "I have some big information about my past that I really want to share with you. It's not something that I share with everyone I meet and it's hard to bring up, but now so much time has gone by and I feel so close to you all, and I really want you to know this part of my life. I think it'll be emotional for you all to hear about, and I think it'll slightly change our dynamic for a while, but I'm also really excited to share this with you." A couple of the girls were already teary. I didn't know if they'd googled me and already knew what I was going to say, or if they could just sense the emotion in my voice. I wanted the next part to be really blunt and not beat around the bush and first set it up so they wouldn't see where I was going. I said, 3 years ago my husband, 2 year old daughter and I were in a car accident when I was 5 months pregnant. My husband and daughter were killed instantly, and I lost the son I was carrying, but was otherwise physically okay.
Everyone was silently sobbing at this point, including me. I told them why I moved away, why I wanted to start fresh, and why now I needed them to know my story. Kelly got up and came over and sat on the floor by my feet and cried into my lap for a while. I stroked her hair and told her it was okay, and that her kids are the first kids I had contact with since Veronica and it genuinely gave me so much joy to be around them, and that the only thing I would change is that I'd like to share stories about our kids, talk about what Veronica liked to play with or the "words" she would say, diaper rash. We were all still crying, but there was a lot of smiling and joking too. I tried to break the ice a little bit with Kelly and said "you know what this means right? I have had a baby and still look hot in a bikini!" We giggled, she said OMG I can't believe I said that, I said I take it as a compliment and assured them all I would not hold anything against them they said previously that in the light of this new information could now be seen as offensive.
It wrapped up so neatly like a goddamn sit com! I mean, they are good people and I knew it would. With all I've been through I'm choosey about who I let into my life and I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they've also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I'm the new kid and we aren't on equal footing. I am glad I told them all together though, instead of telling them individually. I honestly don't think I could have handled that emotionally, going through it took a lot out of me.
Brenda actually said that when we first met and she was looking up to see if I had Facebook, she came across a headline about my accident but didn't click on it because the headline was so horrific and she assumed it was just someone with the same name. We finally ate chili around 10:30. I do think they'll tread lightly around me for a while, but I also think this is going to bring us closer. And I don't intend to bring my family up often, but I'm glad now I can share stories about my wedding planning, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. I never wanted someone that I could cry to about missing my family. Honestly....that's mine and mine alone. I still go to therapy, so I'm not keeping it inside, but it just doesn't work for me to express my grief over my loss to others. Thanks for helping me talk this out Reddit.
Thank you to those of you who sent me PMs sharing your own losses or just wishing me well. I could not have had this particular conversation with anyone in my real life. You were really here for me. That means a lot.
People's reaction?
Who's having onions?
GiphyBest choice ever. Now excuse me while I go clean my tears.
yup sitting at my computer crying. good thing i live alone.
Find your Tribe!
I am so happy things worked out with your friends! The way you described them and said they were great people, I knew they would be awesome.
I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they've also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I'm the new kid and we aren't on equal footing.
THIS. Thank you so much for saying this. It is never too late to make friends or "join" an already established group. An addition to such a longtime group of friends just makes it sweeter and more loving than it was before!
I hope you were able to gain some emotional release from crying. I find that often happens to me. I don't think of it as depressing the days that I might spend several hours crying and shunning other people. Maybe it's the spending time thinking about my family that makes a good crying session feel cathartic, but I also think the physical release of the tears helps too.
I didn't sign my permission slip to go on this feels trip. Still, such a happy ending. Good luck to you, OP.
The Lucky Ones..
Yeah this is going to sound weird, and it certainly wasn't intentional, but this is now something that bonds all of us together. I hadn't spend as much time with the SOS of those who have them since they don't come salsa dancing, and I see Donna (god I think Donna, I'm so confused by my fake names, but the other single lady) more often than the rest so we're pretty close, but now this experience itself is something we are going through together. I'm so proud of the way we were all there for each other last night. I know they care about me, and I know how I would hurt for a friend who went through what I did, so I know this is draining on them as well. I've had 3 years to come to terms with this and they are just finding out about a pretty horrible tragedy that happened to someone they care about. I strangely feel like the grief veteran here, and I can help them navigate these sad feelings.
It honestly just feels really great. I can now go to work and to the local store and to the gym and not get constant pity, but I still have those close friends nearby that know about my family and want to be there for me. This is going to sound so freaking cheesy, but I feel like Ben sent me this group of people to take care of me. He was so much better at making friends than I was. I met everyone through him. And who meets a whole new group of friends shortly after moving to a new city. I never again thought I'd feel "lucky" after what I went through...but I just feel so lucky to have met these people.
Thanks for the smiles...
GiphyI don't know what I could say to add to this perfect, perfect update, OP. Just that I'm really stinking happy for you. Reading through this post brought some genuine smiles to my face. Like, I'm ready to weep tears of relief for a complete stranger. I'm just, gaaah...so glad this worked out good for you.
I'm not a religious person at all, but I feel like these people were put in your life on purpose.
You are not alone!
GiphyYou may have lost your family in an accident, but you've gained a new family.
Truly caring companions.
And you still have the option to start a new family of your own again.
Bless you, and your courage, girl.
Best Wishes...
But - you sound like such a genuine person with such great love in your heart. I hope you continue to find new happiness in your life :).
I'm so glad this went well for you and I wish I could give you a hug.
My grandma (not by blood) lost everyone she loved before she eventually passed away...and while she lived like normal, you could tell that underneath it all, she was very happy to go meet up with her family again. Relieved. It wasn't super obvious, but it was just something you know without needing to be told.
I don't know what you can take from that but you'll meet more family that you didn't know you had, maybe you've found that in your new friends :) Good luck in life, and know that your family is watching your story play out and they'll be there for you at the end.
Ewww: People Break Down The Worst Food Sins They Can Imagine
Reddit user Shozo459 asked: 'What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?'
When it comes to culinary mashups, nothing is as delectably perfect as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Chocolate and peanut butter in one bite? Heavenly.
Other food combos are not as popular but have a strong contingent of fans like pineapple on pizza or even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
And then there are ones that are simply inexcusable.
Curious to hear examples of what foodies absolutely consider tastey bites, Redditor Shozo459 asked:
"What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?"
Trust the preparation.
That Is Soy Not Funny
"ketchup on sushi."
– BattleCatManic
I do believe you'd get your a** kicked for doing that."
– Mattress_Of_Needles
No Sauce Required
"Reminds me of this random sushi joint in osaka. Every pc had the wasabi inserted already. If the piece doesnt have a sauce (like eel), then its premarinated or salted. For normal fish, the chef brushes it with some kind of soy sauce blend."
"He reminded me that soy sauce would not be necessary almost every time he put a new piece on my plate. I asked what the soy sauce bottle is for then and he just shrugged."
"And we're talking about soy sauce not even ketchup."
– gabu87
Tough Meat
"Ok, not sushi, but. (I heard this from my kid....) My ex remarried to a southern woman who fancies herself to be a southern Belle. Instead, she's more of a Momma June. My ex cooked steaks for dinner one night. He will cook meat so it is BROWN straight through. Don't think about asking for it any way, but WELL DONE. In his world, any PINK in the beef means it's nearly raw.😳 So he cooked steaks for them. The wife starts eating and exclaims, 'This steak is soooo good it doesn't even need ketchup' My kid described the meat as being extremely tough and tasteless."
– stalagit68
That's just rude.
Expired Offer
"Eating my fries after I've asked you if you want me to buy you some."
– iggylevin
"So you've met my ex-wife? 'I'm fine' is a small fry and milkshake or frostee. And yes, she should use her words , but she won't, so you can choose to be right or to not have to sleep on the couch over fries and a milkshake."
– Jimmy_Twotone
Chili & Cinnamon
"Although it's not the worst sin imaginable, there's a weird regional dish where i live that involves pairing a bowl of chili with a cinnamon roll. Every potluck I've been to here has it. It's not for me but it's definitely unique."
– MayorOfVenice
Citrus Sin
"Orange juice flavored toothpaste and toothpaste flavored orange juice."
– shhjustwatch
"I gargle with orange juice after i brush my teeth. Power move. Show that plaque who's boss."
– MayorOfVenice
Who does that?
Gimme Some Skin
"Eating the skin off of someone else's fried chicken."
– Upbeat_Tension_8077
"I had a bucket of leftover KFC in the fridge, and my ex SIL came over to my house while I was at work and ate all of the skin off the chicken. I was f'kin pissed."
"Then, on New Years, a few years later, her aunt wanted to make mole and split the cost. I was like whatever and pitched in. I had things to do and got home after it was done. Those f'kin b*tcheses had ate the all of the skin off every piece of chicken."
"I'm so glad I'm not a part of that POS family anymore. If I am ever victimized by chicken skin theft ever again I am going to throw that skinless piece of chicken at them as hard as I can at point blank range and I'm going to aim for their mouth."
– anon
Condiment For All
"Squeezing ketchup on top of a communal plate of fries."
– OverlappingChatter
"I had a boyfriend who would take all of his fries and all of my fries at McDonald’s, put them on the tray and squirt ketchup on top. This infuriated me in part because then the fries got cold so much faster."
– loritree
Wasting food is a cardinal sin.
Grocery Stores At The End Of The Day
"Grocery stores/suppliers throwing out perfectly good food when we there are people starving."
"There is a 2009 doc called 'Dive' that talks about how much grocery stores waste. Edit: (I'm sure there are many others but this is the one that made me aware of the issue)"
– moosegoose2222
"My husband did the samples at Sam's club for awhile and when they did alcohol samples they were told to bust/break the glass bottles into the food that was leftover and to be disposed in the dumpster...so first throw the food in, then break the glass bottles on top when throwing in dumpster."
– Swivel_D
Kevin Sucks
"I worked at a major big box grocery/everything else store for a short time. The a**hole store director was the kind of guy who would make one of the grocery guys get put the floor zamboni on SATURDAY AFTERNOONS to clean up footprints down the aisles when it snowed outside. Of course, it pissed people off."
"The worst thing he'd do, however, was demand that the bakery and Deli have their cases overstocked to 'Grand Opening' standards every f'king day. Of course, only half sold, and the leftovers were not marked down (he hated doing anything like that for damaged boxes or cans because he said it attracted 'poor people'). Instead, it all went into the dumpster at the end of the night. It was usually a half dozen cakes, a dozen loaves of bread, and often 15 - 20 rotisserie chickens. No, employees were not allowed to take home any of it. Oh, and he was openly racist and tried to get a disabled employee fired because he didn't like disabled people working with the public."
"I rage quit that job one day, two weeks before Christmas. I found out shortly after I left that the store director was diagnosed with Parkinsons."
"Rot in hell, Kevin."
– WhitePineBurning
My gripe is more about dining protocol than actual food.
I'm pretty much allergic to alcohol and aside from having the occasional glass of wine, I don't drink often when I go out.
I don't think it's fair when I'm out with a small group of people who each order more than two cocktails and I'm forced to split the bill evenly as the lone non-drinker in the group.
I get it, it's a hassle figuring out the bill to accommodate for me, but I don't mind sorting it out as there are apps to make this easy.
I think it's classy when other members of the group point out that they should chip in more for the bill so I don't have to pay my full share.
But I also hate having to speak up and say, "Umm, can you guys pay for your own drinks since I didn't order any?"
I'm screwed either way since I sound like a loser when I do voice my request or I get passive aggressive afterward for not speaking up.
Anyone know a good solution on how to deal with this?
Anyone who grew up with one or more siblings is bound to have stories of how their siblings occasionally (or frequently) got on their nerves.
Indeed, some people don't even have any sort of relationship with their siblings once they fly the nest.
Those who grew up only children, however, often have trouble accepting that people would cut their siblings out of their lives.
While being an only child can often mean getting your parent's complete love and attention, it also means that you will have to go through many of life's challenges alone, with no peer to turn to for support.
Not to mention, never having anyone to torment and boss around, as many children dream of doing to their younger siblings.
Redditor BroccoliniCarrot was curious to hear what only children thought was the biggest disadvantage of growing up with no siblings, leading them to ask:
"What’s the worst about being an only child?"
Lack Of Playmates
"When I was little, people would give me board games like Monopoly for gifts, and I wouldn't have anyone to play with."
"even Hungry Hungry Hippo sucked playing solo."
"I did master Solitaire though!"- Jesikabelcher
Last One Standing
"When my parents die that’s it."
"I’m just alone."- undertheraindrops
"Family is the most likely group of people to help you when things get tough."
"When your parents pass you have less support."
"Also, aging parents become solely your responsibility."- rubixd
"Taking care of an elderly parent with no one to help."- 3Gilligans
No One To Turn To
"When you are the only one to support your aging parents."- Fantastic_Leg_3534
Forced Independence
"I think because I am an only child I have become used to spending time on my own."
"As a result I am quite antisocial.'
"I don’t mind being around people and can be quite talkative however it exhausts me and I need far too much time on my own to recover."- OstneyPiz
"You become TOO comfortable with being alone all the time, to the point where being alone is the default and interacting with others feels like a chore."
"And that doesn't play out too well in the real world."- DeathSpiral321·
Going Through It Alone
"No one to have a sanity check with."
"My wife and closest friend have siblings and they talk about a close bond with their respective siblings where they could look at the other and effectively say 'mom/dad are crazy, right?'"
"Being an only, I thought some of the sh*t they pulled growing up was normal."
"Having a sibling would have helped counter the gas lighting from parents."- RennSport5280
Making Your Own Conversation Partners...
"As an adult, I sometimes find it difficult to quiet the self-talk because all too often growing up it was all I had."-GreenDolphin86
More For Me?
"I am absolutely not good at sharing."
"Plus and minus was that I got all of my parents' attention, so I had a lot of love and support but also a lot of expectations and not a lot of space to f*ck up."
"Nowhere to hide, no one to blame anything on, and no backup when they were being unreasonable."
"But I also didn't have to split time, affections, or personal belongings with some other gremlin sharing my DNA."=Justheretolurkyall
No One To Keep You In Line...
"No reality check."
"Nobody to confirm that, no, it's not you that's acting nuts."
"Later, nobody to bounce ideas and behaviors off of, nobody to tell you, 'hey, X thinks you're cute' or 'that's not how you ask a girl out, doofus, say this'."
"I should mention that for various reasons, if I had had siblings they would have been older."
"So when I imagine not being an only child, I tend to imagine being a younger brother."
"But I think the reality-check thing would still operate even as an oldest sibling; plus I might have learned to handle responsibility earlier."- ElderPoet
There Is, Indeed, Safety In Numbers
"I am the only son of a single mother."
"I hate this term, but it's called emotional incest."
"Basically my Mom was very young when she had me and there were no men in her / my life."
"As a result, she placed all of that emotional needs of a grown woman on to me."
"My Mom never really raised me as a son."
"At best, she raised me like a little brother she got stuck with after our parents died."
"At worst, she treated me like I was a toxic boyfriend."- ANerdCalledMike
No Scapegoats
"All eyes are on you- can’t get away with anything!"
"Most strict parents ever ( they were older too)."
"Unlike my husband's family growing up with 6 kids."
"Parents hardly knew where the teenagers were or who they were with."- Available_Honey_2951
"When asked by a parent what happened you cannot blame your sibling."- nanodecay
The Eye Of TheBeholder
"People assuming that I was spoiled."- Purlz1st
Having no siblings means never being bullied, teased or tormented, or having to vie for your parent's attention.
Something many people who grew up with older or younger siblings openly say they dream of.
When the going gets tough, however, and these same people realize they always had their brothers or sisters to turn to, they might bite their words and regret ever even thinking of being an only child.
Many couples like to spice things up in their relationships to keep things fresh.
When it comes to bedroom spices, couples tend to add ingredients, like another person to the mix.
But everyone really needs to be on the same page with who they're mixing with.
Or drama can ensue.
Redditor MrRandyWatson_100 wanted to hear about what happened to relationships after inviting a third, so they asked:
"Redditors who have had a threesome with their SO, how did the relationship turnout after sex?"
Bad Things
Tim Robinson No GIF by The Lonely IslandGiphy"It was already horrible, that's why I didn't mind trying it. It didn't get any better, but it was a lot of fun."
Educational_Dust_932
Thanks, Jerry
"Went on a vacation with my ex and her best friend from out of state. It was heavily alluded to that we were going to give a threesome a go. We all arrive at the hotel, and her friend turns on the TV while we unpack. It was by chance an episode of Jerry Springer (or some equivalent type of show). The subject was 'Our threesome ruined my life.' Obviously, it didn’t happen."
sincethenes
"Wanna hear a pile on to that? We broke up a few years later, I haven’t seen or heard from her in years. I bought a new home two years ago in the middle of nowhere. I go to the local grocery store, and there she is. Turns out she lives about 1/4 of a mile away from me. Thanks, Universe."
sincethenes
Then Again...
"We all went out to eat breakfast the next day and it was just such a funny experience. We laughed and talked about how crazy it was. Afterward, my girlfriend was embarrassed and said she didn't want anything like that ever again. Then it happened again (at her own insistence, with the same girl)."
"Then again. After the 3rd time, I was pretty blown away that this would be a regular thing. After a while things stopped and my girlfriend went back to being super embarrassed about it and liked to pretend it never happened."
Kogah
Well bye now...
"The sex was fine, we invited a third for a fun night at a hotel with a jacuzzi and drinks. But then the third person didn't leave, nor did they leave in the morning after breakfast, and the next night after dinner we literally had to ask him to leave so we could continue our vacation as a couple in privacy. It gave us a funny story to joke about for years and didn't affect our relationship."
Mister_IceBlister
Realizations
Shocked Sesame Street GIFGiphy"Haven’t been in a threesome, but my gf had two on the same day with her previous partner, which is when she realized she was actually into girls more."
"So in a way, I can thank those threesomes for my relationship. She doesn’t like it when I bring this up lol."
DreaDreamer
Epiphanies can come at the strangest times.
Whoops
Schitts Creek Oops GIF by CBCGiphy"My girlfriend asked me who I would like a threesome with. Then she got angry. Apparently, I was supposed to name only one person."
arvigeus
Long Stories
"I (M) hooked up with a friend and his wife a few times. He originally proposed it as something she would enjoy, with both of us focusing our attention on her. She reluctantly went along with it but quickly got way too into it for his comfort. He got jealous of all the attention she was getting despite that being the point of the threesomes in the first place."
"Long story short, after many long fruitless discussions and a few arguments we finally got him to admit that he was in love with me, he wanted the threesome so that we (he and I) could have sex (despite us having had many conversations in the past about how I'm not that into men and he's definitely not my type) without cheating or him getting a divorce."
"Longer story even shorter, we're no longer friends, they're divorced, wife and I became really close friends for a few years."
tempUN123
Happy Holidays
"Relationship with who, your SO or the third person involved?"
"My SO brought her very close female friend for a threesome as a Christmas present to me one year. I was really nervous but they made me feel super comfortable and able to just enjoy the experience. I'm still with my SO and the friend is still a friend, we don't see her very much as she lives in a different country but it's in no way awkward."
AverageMale31
Surprise
"I had a threesome with one of my close friends and her boyfriend of like 5 years (at the time). She wanted to surprise him and boy did it work. It was fun! We ended up doing it a few more times. They’re still together and doing well and my friendship with them has never changed. The only difference is now we have inside jokes and references together!"
wineshivers
Be Careful
Bedtime Threesome GIF by PantayaGiphy"Just fine... But don't play with others if your relationship isn't on solid footing and your communication isn't up to par."
Misophonic4000
"In my experience, sometimes you think you’re on solid footing, but in reality, it’s a house of cards easily toppled. In retrospect, it was f**ked either way, but this definitely expedited the end."
AdmiralTiberius
Not all fun ideas are good ideas.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Have you ever gone back to your elementary school as an adult and been amazed that everything looked smaller than you remembered?
It's a great example of how our perception of the world around us is shaped by our own experiences and where we are in life.
As a child everything seems big because we're small.
Our childhood perceptions of other things were also skewed. Things that seemed grand luxuries became ordinary or mundane as we aged.
Reddit user SinkingFeelingBruh asked:
"What did you think was fancy as a kid that isn’t?"
Mc's Steakhouse
"Getting to eat McDonald's all the time..."
~ 02red
"This was my first thought, and it was also the first comment I came across opening the thread."
"You are so right..McDonald's used to be so exciting. I don't even eat it anymore."
~ kasparzellar
GiphyWith or Without Crusts
"Cutting sandwiches diagonally."
~ 787la57la47al
"As a college student, I love dressing up my husbands plate when he eats mediocre meals. If he wants a sandwich, I will dress it up like it’s fine dining."
"I made us air fries nuggets and had the ketchup dots and swirls garnishing the plate lol. It makes things more fun."
~ ireallyamtired
Cocktails for Children
"Shirley Temple/Roy Rogers drinks."
"I remember when my parents would take us to a 'fancy' restaurant and we would be able to order these."
"I felt so adult! With the skinny straw and the maraschino cherry..."
~ Iron_Chic
"Okay but low key though… I still love myself a Shirley temple."
"Like if someone were to offer me one I definitely wouldn’t turn it down."
~ faithle97
GiphyWelcome to the Club
"As a kid I thought going to a restaurant and having a club sandwich was the height of sophistication. Probably because I learned about club sandwiches from a family friend who introduced me to them."
"I used to think the little toothpicks with the plastic frills that held the sandwiches together were sooooo fancy. I always brought my toothpicks home with me to play with."
~ Bebe_Bleau
Processed Foods
"My friends whose kitchens were filled with junk food like Captain Crunch, Twinkies and Ding Dongs, hot dogs and American cheese."
"I thought they were so fancy and I was so jealous."
"My mom cooked from scratch every day, and we thought we were so neglected because she wouldn't buy that sh*t for us to eat."
"We were so lucky. Thanks, Mom."
~ riceme0112358
GiphyOoh la la!
"Viennetta ice cream cake was the peak of fancy for me."
~ KaleidoscopeVast9290
"I came here to say this! They marketed it really well to 7-14 year olds."
~ Holiday-Armadillo-34
The BIG Box
"Back in my day, kids who had Crayola 120 colored pencils were considered the elites of society."
~ Prism_Red
"Or the Crayola Crayons with the sharpener on the back."
~ Spoozle64
GiphyA World Tour in a Mug
"A cup of General Foods International Coffee to cap off your five star evening. Might I recommend the Suisse Mocha?"
~ Smooth_Riker
"That was upper class shiz that I begged my parents to buy for company."
"Turns out, Folgers out of the red can was all encompassing; for home and company. Sigh."
~ burgerg10
"My 10 year old self would walk around my room sipping a cuppa and pretending I was grown in my own apartment."
~ odd_kumquat
It's the Foil Wrapper
"Ferrero Rocher chocolate."
~ SirRobynHode
"Richard Gere did the commercials in a tux. I thought these must be the most fancy and expensive chocolates imaginable."
~ Either-Durian-5517
"Dude I'm 22 and they're still fancy to me."
~ rubbersoulelena
GiphyUnder Glass
"Desserts in the display cases (eclairs, bon bons, petifores, etc...)."
~ Med_Vamp
"This jogged my memory of those iced cookies they’d have on display at Giant (American grocery store)."
~ nicheencyclopedia
Pardon Me, Do You Have Any?
"For some reason, as a kid I thought Grey Poupon was some fancy delicacy by the French. I imagined some fancy guy with a gray wig slathering it on a baguette."
"Like only the rich had access to it."
"It’s just mustard. WTF. Still haven’t had it."
~ JackfruitCurry
"When I got married, my dad insisted upon renting a Rolls Royce to take hubs and me from the church to the reception."
"I jokingly asked the driver 'pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?' in my snootiest faux-British accent. He popped open the glove box and there it was!!!!"
~ RefugeefromSAforums
GiphyBeep, Beep
"Old cars from fancy brands."
"Kids are always like 'whoa he drives a BMW' without realizing it's not impressive to drive a 1999 BMW in 2023."
~ slightofhand1
Get Some Quarters for the Bed
"Hotels were the fanciest as a kid, weren't they?"
~ Non-opisthokont
"I thought a motel or an inn was fancier than a hotel."
~ tobiiam
"Omg, yes! Lol, the vibrating beds were so fancy & fun! I’d always beg my parents to get me one."
~ Sad-Comfortable1566
Jumping Michael Chiesa GIF by UFCGiphyBut There's Cheddar in the Biscuits
"Red lobster."
~ MonsoonMermaid
"A guy I worked with (in the 90’s) said he treated his women right."
"When he went out to eat, he took them to places like Red Lobster. What a baller!"
~ eastcoastme
"Oof, I took my junior prom date to Red Lobster back in ‘00. Sorry, Michelle…wherever you are."
~ kyd712
The Beer Fridge
"I thought that having a second, older fridge in your garage meant your family was rich.
"Actually, hell, if you had a garage at all I thought you were rich."
~ CoolBugg
"Didn’t realize people used their garages for cars for YEARS. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it."
"It feels like such a waste of storage space to keep a car in there. Where else do people keep lol their tools, holiday decor, and sh*t they don’t want to throw out but also don’t want to use anymore?"
~ Ithinkillgrowthis
"When we bought our house it came with a fridge in the garage."
"I audibly gasped."
~ Aggravating-Dig-8987
GiphyMy Father was in the military, but didn't want to live on United States Navy bases, so we lived off base in a trailer.
Back then, trailers were much smaller and easily moved from place to place. So each time my Father was stationed at a new base, our trailer was packed up and moved to a new trailer park near the new base.
Because of this life of trailer parks, my idea of luxury living wasn't a mansion—it was a double-wide trailer.
What did you think was fancy as a kid?