Woman Seeks Advice About How To Open Up To New Friends About Her Tragic Past
Life ain't easy and we ALL have a past. Sometimes we do all we can to runaway from and hide the life that once was and the person we used to be. Problem is that person... existed and they'll never not be a tangible presence. Admitting who we once were is an essential part of growth. Case in point...
Redditor wannacomeclean wanted to discuss... Want some advice on how I [29F] can "come clean" to some new friends [32F, 34F, 34M, 38F) I've gotten close to over the last 6 months to whom I've been lying by omission.
I know what I'm going to do, I just want to talk out the best way with some objective parties, I hope that's ok. I will change all names and fudge some irrelevant details just in case...not that I'm super scared anyone will recognize me, just like my anonymity.
I've been through some s***. There is no way to sugar coat it. 3 years ago I was married to the love of my life (Ben) with the most perfect human child that ever existed (Veronica) and I was 5 months pregnant with a boy. We were hit by a drunk driver at 5pm in the afternoon, my husband and daughter died on the scene, and I miscarried my son in the hospital later that night. I was otherwise physically "fine". It has not been an easy road. There were times when I'd have killed myself, except after losing my daughter, I'd never do that to my mom. I took time off work, I spent time with friends and family, I went to therapy almost every day, I grieved. I tried to go back to my old job, but it just didn't work. I don't blame my coworkers at all, but no one really treated me normally. With everything they did there was just this...pity. Every idea of mine is the greatest, every joke I tell is the best. When I walk into rooms people stop talking and focus on me, everyone wants to share my workload and help me out. They are doing what you'd think any wonderful people would do but it felt terrible. I wanted to move on with my life and feel normal.
6 months ago, at 29, for the first time in my life I moved out on my own, to a new state, I got a new job using no connections who knew me.
I moved to this new far away city and tried to recreate myself. I had always wanted to salsa dance so I started going to a salsa night at a bar and ended up seeing 4 people there frequently. 3 women and a man, Brenda, Donna, Kelly and Luke. Brenda, Donna and Luke were a few years older than me. Donna and Luke are divorced with no kids (not divorced from each other) and Kelly is the oldest and is married with 2 kids. I started seeing them at the bar every Thursday night and spending time there, but after a few weeks we exchanged numbers and got together for dinner. The rest is "history", we were fast friends and hung out about once a week, sometimes Donna and I would see each other more often because she was also single.
The last 6 months have been the best and and worst I could have imagined. I needed for people to treat me as a human. I needed to not see pity in their eyes when they looked at me. I needed them to be honest with me and not just tell me everything I did and said was the best ever because I've suffered enough. It felt great for a while. They called me out on my s***, they aggressively loved me, I felt so normal.
One weekend we went to the beach together. Kelly saw me in my bikini and exclaimed "ugh you bitch, you're so thin, that is the body of a woman who has never had a baby!" and laughed. She was complimenting me, I wanted to scream that my body grew the most perfect human that ever existed and that my breasts fed her for 13 months. I suddenly cursed my body for not having stretch marks when before it'd seemed to be a blessing.
Now Brenda has been dating someone seriously and they just got engaged, and is leaning heavily on Kelly and Donna since they've both been married and want advice. Sure she wants my advice too, as a good friend, but she doesn't want to hear about my wedding that I had poured my heart and soul into because she doesn't know it happened. But I guess I didn't think I'd become such great friends with these new people and want them to know more about me, and now I am looking for the best way to tell these people that I am a widow who lost a child and a pregnancy along with her husband. I've known them for 6 months and we've gotten so close in so many ways.
I don't say this to sound bitchy, but I also know that I'll get a pass. No one will be mad that I haven't told them yet, everyone will understand, I just want to tell them in the least dramatic way, and to make sure they fully understand my reasons and that my intentions for lying by omission were selfish, but good.
How To ProceedGiphy
I think tell them some of what you have told us here.
Tell them that you moved somewhere new to get a new start, to be treated normally. Tell them that their friendships have been so valuable and wonderful, and has helped you heal.
Then tell them that as you have become closer, you have wanted to share some of the positive aspects of your past. That you feel compelled to speak up about the wedding you planned, the marriage you built, the child you carried and nurtured. And so you know you need to tell them what happened.
Pity Party Perspective
The impression I got was OP did not want to be treated differently because of the tragic losses she suffered. If she confides this to her friends they will treat her differently. The solution of "just tell them" seems the obvious simple solution, but she may not like the results. Remember, OP moved away and recreated her life to get away from the pity party everyone was constantly throwing for her. It kept her grief alive. If she confides in her friends she may very well end up in the same situation.
And as someone else pointed out, her friends may end up feeling like s*** for the things they said to her in ignorance, like the bikini incident. This will only exacerbate the situation OP wanted to get away from, people feeling guilty and pity for her.
No matter how nice your friends are, most are not equipped to deal with the reality of OP's issues. I don't have any real answers for OP besides do not drop the bomb. Maybe trickle truth OP's past, mention she was married but she doesn't like to talk about it. If one of her friends reaches out to her for more info, OP can share more as the friend is indicating they want to hear what happened, but to keep it to themselves for the time being.
I'm going to tell you something that might sound counter-intuitive given that you're looking to be honest, but: framing is important. If you start your revelation by telling them that you've been lying to them (even by omission), they're going to receive it as a story about how you lied to them.
You have done nothing wrong here. You have done nothing dishonest. You have held back nothing that anyone was entitled to, or needed to know. You did what you needed to, at the cost of no harm to any living person. That's not a lie in my books.
So maybe sit down and tell them "There's a part of my life I haven't been ready to talk about until now, but now we're so close I can't imagine not sharing it with you." And work on thinking about it in those terms yourself. There's nothing to beat yourself up over here.
The Original Poster Had An Update For How It WentGiphy
So I really want to first take a moment to talk about how awesome my experience in this sub has been. I knew that I wanted to tell my friends the story of my past, and I knew they would react pretty well, and I knew they'd be supportive and we'd remain close friends. I really just didn't know how to bring it up after SIX months. I don't know if I expressed it in my first post, but 6 months is kind of a long time, I feel so close to these people in so many ways, so mostly it was just weird to me to not be able to casually mention my family. I absolutely still have days where it's hard to get out of bed and I just want to be left alone to cry in the dark, but so many times I think of happy memories with my family, and adorable things Veronica did that I'm reminded of and I want to be able to pepper those into my conversations. I struggled with HOW to tell people. One on one? Big group dinner? Email? So I actually emailed them all the day after my first post here and invited them over for dinner the next night if they could make it on short notice. I said to please bring their SOs, but told Kelly I'd explain later why I think she shouldn't bring her kids this time. Honestly I was just afraid she'd get really upset and wouldn't want her kids to see her like that. She couldn't get a sitter, so her husband stayed home with the kids, but Brenda and Luke brought their SOs, and I made a huge pot of chili and some cornbread. I feel like they sensed something was up, because honestly I thought the odds of them all being able to come with one day's notice was unusual.
They showed up early evening, we sat in my living room (tight quarters!) and had some wine, and then I started. I'm an awkward person, so I basically said "I have some big information about my past that I really want to share with you. It's not something that I share with everyone I meet and it's hard to bring up, but now so much time has gone by and I feel so close to you all, and I really want you to know this part of my life. I think it'll be emotional for you all to hear about, and I think it'll slightly change our dynamic for a while, but I'm also really excited to share this with you." A couple of the girls were already teary. I didn't know if they'd googled me and already knew what I was going to say, or if they could just sense the emotion in my voice. I wanted the next part to be really blunt and not beat around the bush and first set it up so they wouldn't see where I was going. I said, 3 years ago my husband, 2 year old daughter and I were in a car accident when I was 5 months pregnant. My husband and daughter were killed instantly, and I lost the son I was carrying, but was otherwise physically okay.
Everyone was silently sobbing at this point, including me. I told them why I moved away, why I wanted to start fresh, and why now I needed them to know my story. Kelly got up and came over and sat on the floor by my feet and cried into my lap for a while. I stroked her hair and told her it was okay, and that her kids are the first kids I had contact with since Veronica and it genuinely gave me so much joy to be around them, and that the only thing I would change is that I'd like to share stories about our kids, talk about what Veronica liked to play with or the "words" she would say, diaper rash. We were all still crying, but there was a lot of smiling and joking too. I tried to break the ice a little bit with Kelly and said "you know what this means right? I have had a baby and still look hot in a bikini!" We giggled, she said OMG I can't believe I said that, I said I take it as a compliment and assured them all I would not hold anything against them they said previously that in the light of this new information could now be seen as offensive.
It wrapped up so neatly like a goddamn sit com! I mean, they are good people and I knew it would. With all I've been through I'm choosey about who I let into my life and I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they've also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I'm the new kid and we aren't on equal footing. I am glad I told them all together though, instead of telling them individually. I honestly don't think I could have handled that emotionally, going through it took a lot out of me.
Brenda actually said that when we first met and she was looking up to see if I had Facebook, she came across a headline about my accident but didn't click on it because the headline was so horrific and she assumed it was just someone with the same name. We finally ate chili around 10:30. I do think they'll tread lightly around me for a while, but I also think this is going to bring us closer. And I don't intend to bring my family up often, but I'm glad now I can share stories about my wedding planning, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. I never wanted someone that I could cry to about missing my family. Honestly....that's mine and mine alone. I still go to therapy, so I'm not keeping it inside, but it just doesn't work for me to express my grief over my loss to others. Thanks for helping me talk this out Reddit.
Thank you to those of you who sent me PMs sharing your own losses or just wishing me well. I could not have had this particular conversation with anyone in my real life. You were really here for me. That means a lot.
Who's having onions?Giphy
Best choice ever. Now excuse me while I go clean my tears.
yup sitting at my computer crying. good thing i live alone.
Find your Tribe!
I am so happy things worked out with your friends! The way you described them and said they were great people, I knew they would be awesome.
I could tell they were good people who would react well, but they've also all been friends for SO long, it always kind of feels like I'm the new kid and we aren't on equal footing.
THIS. Thank you so much for saying this. It is never too late to make friends or "join" an already established group. An addition to such a longtime group of friends just makes it sweeter and more loving than it was before!
I hope you were able to gain some emotional release from crying. I find that often happens to me. I don't think of it as depressing the days that I might spend several hours crying and shunning other people. Maybe it's the spending time thinking about my family that makes a good crying session feel cathartic, but I also think the physical release of the tears helps too.
I didn't sign my permission slip to go on this feels trip. Still, such a happy ending. Good luck to you, OP.
The Lucky Ones..
Yeah this is going to sound weird, and it certainly wasn't intentional, but this is now something that bonds all of us together. I hadn't spend as much time with the SOS of those who have them since they don't come salsa dancing, and I see Donna (god I think Donna, I'm so confused by my fake names, but the other single lady) more often than the rest so we're pretty close, but now this experience itself is something we are going through together. I'm so proud of the way we were all there for each other last night. I know they care about me, and I know how I would hurt for a friend who went through what I did, so I know this is draining on them as well. I've had 3 years to come to terms with this and they are just finding out about a pretty horrible tragedy that happened to someone they care about. I strangely feel like the grief veteran here, and I can help them navigate these sad feelings.
It honestly just feels really great. I can now go to work and to the local store and to the gym and not get constant pity, but I still have those close friends nearby that know about my family and want to be there for me. This is going to sound so freaking cheesy, but I feel like Ben sent me this group of people to take care of me. He was so much better at making friends than I was. I met everyone through him. And who meets a whole new group of friends shortly after moving to a new city. I never again thought I'd feel "lucky" after what I went through...but I just feel so lucky to have met these people.
Thanks for the smiles...Giphy
I don't know what I could say to add to this perfect, perfect update, OP. Just that I'm really stinking happy for you. Reading through this post brought some genuine smiles to my face. Like, I'm ready to weep tears of relief for a complete stranger. I'm just, gaaah...so glad this worked out good for you.
I'm not a religious person at all, but I feel like these people were put in your life on purpose.
You are not alone!Giphy
You may have lost your family in an accident, but you've gained a new family.
Truly caring companions.
And you still have the option to start a new family of your own again.
Bless you, and your courage, girl.
But - you sound like such a genuine person with such great love in your heart. I hope you continue to find new happiness in your life :).
I'm so glad this went well for you and I wish I could give you a hug.
My grandma (not by blood) lost everyone she loved before she eventually passed away...and while she lived like normal, you could tell that underneath it all, she was very happy to go meet up with her family again. Relieved. It wasn't super obvious, but it was just something you know without needing to be told.
I don't know what you can take from that but you'll meet more family that you didn't know you had, maybe you've found that in your new friends :) Good luck in life, and know that your family is watching your story play out and they'll be there for you at the end.
Reddit user AdditionalDentist100 asked: 'What's something you confessed to your partner that ended your relationship?'
When it comes to romantic relationships, it's a lot harder to maintain a relationship than it is to start one. And unfortunately, it's all too easy to end that relationship.
A lot of things can end a relationship, and sometimes, it could be as simple as a single comment. Sometimes it's so hilariously stupid that you can't fathom being with the person any longer. Other times, the person says something so cruel that you know it's time to run. And sometimes, the comment isn't even necessarily bad -- just ill-timed.
Redditors know all about this and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor AdditionalDentist100 asked:
"What's something you confessed to your partner that ended your relationship?"
"Not me, but someone I know was finally told that her husband was faking his English heritage, background/upbringing in England and fake accent. Dude kept it up for years, eventually admitted that it was all a lie and that he grew up on West Coast."
"I would think that was a lie but there are people who have faked being a 9/11 survivor. Apparently this type of stuff happens more frequently then I'd imagine."
Oh, The Humanity
"That I didn't rinse off the Mac and cheese noodles. This isn't even a joke it's a true story."
"They were done cooking and I didn't rinse them off. And yes this was a break up waiting to happen I guess lol."
"It says right on the box not to rinse them."
"The starch is good for the sauce. Dodged a bullet, I'd rather die alone than eat sh*tty mac & cheese."
The Past Is Not The Past
"Didn't happen to me, but a guy I knew married a girl I knew (both a bit older than me) and everything seemed great. However, they were at a party and someone mentioned that the guy used to smoke weed in high school (he admitted it, didn't think it was a big deal). She divorced him a month later, claiming that she couldn't forgive him for smoking weed. 😳"
"There had to be something else going on with her because this is so ridiculous. It's not even something he was currently doing."
"I didn’t want us to move in together with 6 other relatives."
Three Words, Eight Letters
"I believe it was "I love you.""
"How f**king dare you!"
"Oh yeah, I was out of line."
And She Communicated
"I wanted better communication sooo she broke up with me."
"Loud and clear."
"I said, while crying because he got angry with me at a restaurant, that “I am sometimes afraid to tell you how I feel because I’m afraid of how you’ll react.” And he said, “well, thats f**king pathetic.”"
"My partner had a habit of starting a convo by asking how I felt about something, then would criticize me for feeling what I felt. It always ended up being a debate about why I felt the way I did. It was never okay for me to feel sad, worried, scared, etc."
"Over time I started to feel anxious when he’d ask questions, and purposely responded vaguely, or just straight up said that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing (which would incite anger or more judgment)."
"Eventually my response became exactly that. A teary “I don’t know if I want to share because I’m worried about how you’ll react/respond” and his responses were along the lines of “that’s stupid” “you’re ridiculous” “don’t be an idiot” “seriously?”"
"I don’t know if it’s because I got so used to it, or from being distracted by all the other bigger things in the relationship…but for some reason I didn’t even notice that this was another bad thing until reading this comment. It was just…normal."
Looks Always Matter
"It’s not necessarily what I confessed, but I showed him my picture from 8th grade and he couldn’t handle that I used to look like I did in 8th grade."
"If I knew that I had to peak in middle school I would have at least plucked my eyebrows 🥴"
""Sorry babe, you just weren't hot as a middle schooler. Gotta end it here.""
"True story. I confessed that I wanted to do more for her. I thought I was neglecting her and working too much."
"That next week, she sat me down and told me that I was threatening her independence and that she needed a week to think about us. The week after that, she broke up with me."
"I later got the real reason from her former best friend. She never had a guy who wanted “all in” like I did and panicked."
"At the time I was destroyed. LOL I thought I was going to marry that woman. Turns out I was one woman off and my next relationship would turn into my current family. So all’s well that ends well."
Better This Way
"Broke down crying during a more realistic war movie. She told me to suck it up."
"After she confronted me for drinking too much I finally sought VA disability. Diagnosed with depression, PTSD, anxiety, among other things. Bills started pouring in and I told her we can’t afford certain luxury things because I was the sole breadwinner. I said I felt like I was drowning and my head is slowly slipping under the surface. She told me to “figure it out.”"
""So, I did. We divorced. And I’m much more happy and no longer on the train of “be a man and tighten your boot straps.” I got help and know that it’s okay to do so."
"So much easier to keep your head above water without the anchor around your neck."
The Cards Don't Lie
"That I didn’t believe in astrology and tarot cards. She then said her tarot cards told her to break up with me. Sure dodged a bullet there."
"The tarot cards were right! And still you don’t believe!"
Let's Hear It For The Boy
"I didn’t confess, I just went to a couple bars with her to dance. She left me because “YOU CAN’T DANCE!” Of all the things that she could’ve said that was the weirdest reason ever. Like, I had no response. I was 28. I’m happily married for 22 years now to someone who I constantly do bad dancing for because she thinks it’s hilarious. I mean, since I was told I can’t dance, I developed a habit of dancing badly when celebrating ANYTHING. It’s a real crowd pleaser. I am loved for my bad dancing now."
I can't dance either! But this is exactly why we all need to find someone who loves us for our quirks, not despite them.
I have been left utterly bewildered by what some people believe is acceptable thought, conversation, and behavior.
Like... "Do YOU hear you?"
It shows when a person lacks life experience and/or brain cells.
Words expose everything.
And sometimes shock is all that is left to grapple with.
Redditor nlwfty wanted to hear about all the things people have overheard that left them utterly stunned, so they asked:
"What's the most out-of-touch thing you've heard someone say?"
I once a friend's friend moan about how she and her husband were nearly destitute.
All while she was straightening up the house for the new au pair they had just gotten from Columbia.
The Who?Over It Maid GIFGiphy
"My boss once told me to have 'the maid' drop my car at the shop. WTF!!"
"'You won't be happier at work if we pay you more, but we need to figure out why workplace happiness is so low.' This coming from a guy that made 10x what I did and was born into old money."
"I had a job that was paying below market rates and 'expected' daily overtime (unpaid, natch) and was trying to figure out how to improve morale. They were considering bringing in consoles and having video game nights after work... as if we weren't stuck there too long already."
"I did have the fun of leaving, then being asked to come back as a contractor to help out, and taking advantage of being on a short-term contract and giving no f**ks to suggest that maybe they should consider at least TRACKING the overtime people were working, even if they weren't going to pay for it since there was probably a whole extra job's worth of hours in there and maybe hiring another person might improve morale and reduce the risk of the kind of errors tired people make."
"Didn't stay long as a temp. Apparently telling the truth and discussing facts with your co-workers isn't good for morale >_< They told everyone I was leaving because I got a better offer (!), but I told everyone exactly what was really happening when they asked XD."
"My dad (who is now the Director of Accounting for the school district I teach for) was talking about how my starting pay was way more than his starting pay."
"I said, 'Well, yeah... The cost of living has increased a ton since then.' This motherf**ker straight up said, 'No it hasn't.'"
"He started working there in 1992. This conversation happened in like 2017 (about a year after I started working there). Again, he is the director of accounting."
"'You seem sad.'"
"My mother to my sister, at her husband's funeral."
"My sister's son was murdered. Two weeks later my mom asked her if she was over it yet."
"One of my sons was murdered 12 years ago. Many people started telling me that I needed to 'move on' after 4-6 weeks. My brother refuses to say my son's name, so I no longer speak to him. Sending my deepest condolences to your family from a mom who understands losing a child to homicide."
Good Idea!New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy
“'I don’t know why people get big mortgages. Just save up for a few months and pay cash for a starter home!'"
People with money always seem to have a plan, unless the plan is sharing.
FInd the TreasureDragons Den Television GIF by CBCGiphy
"When people were complaining about not being able to afford housing/food/living in general, one of the Dutch ministers (I think he was a minister or at least the leader of a party) said something along the line of 'well, find a rich boyfriend then'. ah, yes, that will solve the crisis!"
"I went to an Ivy League college with lots of children of extraordinarily wealthy families. When discussing inequality and its effects on housing, my professor briefly mentioned how mortgages are out of reach for a growing number of Americans. The girl next to me stopped the class, and with a confused face asked the professor why people don’t just buy their homes in cash outright because 'surely the interest means it will cost them more over time.' The professor was dumbfounded. I found out later that she is the heiress to a major luxury brand that you have all heard of."
"My former landlord and his wife dropped by to tell me and my financially struggling 20-something roommates that they were raising the rent, by nearly 25%. They said, 'We noticed on Craigslist that neighbors had higher rent so we’re doing the same.' The wife then earnestly reminded us that we’ve been great tenants but maybe we just needed to find some higher-paying jobs. 🙃."
"I was waxing a woman’s eyebrows once and she was complaining that sometimes after she gets a massage the pillow leaves a circular indent on her face and she can’t go out to lunch after. She then asked me if that ever happened to me? I was like ma'am I wax people for eleven bucks an hour; I’m not going out to lunch lol, let alone getting massages."
InvestmentsMoney Invest GIF by ProBit GlobalGiphy
"Something like: Give a rich person $500 and they will invest it into $1000. Give it to a poor person and they will spend it in a week."
"Yeah exactly give it to someone who’s needs are met and they can save… give it to someone who needs to eat/pay rent etc they will spend it to survive!"
You need money to make money.
One of life's biggest lessons apparently.
So someone give me some money.
When we thing of something being gross, or nasty, or cruel, there are certain examples that we can all think of, like bullying or an uncleaned bathroom.
But there are other things in our lives that are actually much nastier than we would expect them to be, and we can only really uncover the truth by taking a closer look at them.
Cringing already, Redditor Strawberry_no_cake asked:
"What is nastier than people realize?"
Not So Sweet Now
"Ice machines in restaurants."
"I worked at a golf course after I lost my law firm internship during the pandemic. I basically just cooked people easy food (burgers, hot dogs, fries, BLTs, etc.) and tended bar in the clubhouse."
"I can confirm that the ice machine can get gross. I’d always do a quick wipe down clean if I saw anything on the ice, but it was typically on parts of the machine that never touched the actual ice we’d use."
Unexpected, but Makes Sense
"RN here: Hospital floors!"
"Seems obvious, but apparently it isn’t. I can’t believe how many folks will allow their CHILDREN to sit or play on the floors, or just generally treat them like they are sterile. I don’t even wear my work shoes into my own house."
"The other day I spilled a few drops of tea on the floor where I work… gave it a very light wipe with a cloth and the cloth was BLACK."
"I think people assume that since it’s a hospital the floors are in mint condition… absolutely no way, lol (laughing out loud)."
Secondary Symptoms in Autoimmune Diseases
"Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis."
"Thanks to drug company ads, most people think it's just about going to the bathroom a few times a day. There's never any mention of fissures, fistulas, fevers, extreme pain, extreme fatigue, depression, anemia, drug side effects, joint pain, painful and horrific surgeries, mouth sores, skin disorders, etc."
Our Enemies Don't Even Deserve This
"Dementia, especially advanced dementia. It's not just quirky memory problems, your brain controls every bodily function."
Carer Fatigue is Real
"Being a caregiver. Again, people know it might be nasty, but I think they still overlook the awful experience it is for people who are caring for an elder."
"My mom took care of my bedridden grandmother for three years. The amount of s**t everywhere (she had chronic diarrhea, and I don't know if it's just me, but old people's s**t smells like something of another realm), awful body odor (even when we were cleaning her constantly), the difficulty of changing diapers/sheets/covers as constantly as she needed (at least two times during the night)."
"So what I meant is that sometimes people think is 'nice' of a certain daughter/son to take care of their old parents (at least in my country where putting your parents in facilities is not common). But it's just such an intense, nerve-wracking, hard, and disgusting job, with no breaks, with little rewards (because at least my grandma was not in her right mind), and almost no social recognition that it blows my mind how underappreciated it is."
One Word: Cancer
"Cancer. People know it’s nasty. People know it’s nasty as all h**l. But here’s the thing. Going through it myself, I could have never imagined how nasty it truly is."
"I watched my mom fight stage four ovarian cancer 18 years ago (I’m 40 right now for reference). She was so far along, and so riddled with the cancer that she was given weeks to live, and sent away from three oncologists who told her to check into hospice and prepare for the end."
"Thankfully she found an oncologist (who is mine now) who took her in, and went to war with her. They cut her open from the chest down, and spent hours plucking tumors out of her while rearranging her internal organs. Taking out the bad stuff and building what he could with what was left. Then two long rounds of chemo. Hospital visits. Illness left and right. Side effects. Recovery. It was h**l for her, but she beat the odds and lived."
"Watching this, I understood what I could. I saw the pain, but now, going through it myself, couldn’t possibly comprehend how bad it truly was. I saw the illness, the nausea, the neuropathy, all the stupid side effects that hit you for no reason at all."
"So yeah, cancer. Everyone knows it’s nasty, but man is it even worse than that!"
"Luggage. It gets rolled throughout the world, often in gross airport bathrooms where floors are literally wet with pee, and then when people get to their destination, the first thing they do is toss it on the bed to unpack."
"Come to think of it, this also makes hotel comforters that never get washed even more disgusting."
That One Article of Clothing
"Your belt. Think about it, it´s basically the only piece of clothing you never wash. And you always have to touch it after you pooped and before you wash your hands."
Dusty Keyboard Keys
"Seriously man, wash that thing. I can see the dirt from your window!"
A World of Germs in Your Pocket
"One time I was in line at a food service place, think Chipotle style where you tell them what you want and they make it behind the counter."
"There was this sweaty Door Dasher guy who couldn’t really articulate the order so he handed his phone to the kid behind the counter. The kid proceeds to take his phone, starts swiping and touching it WITHOUT GLOVES ON, and goes right back to touching people’s food."
Where Has That Been?
"The top of a soda can. People buy them from a store and put it right onto their mouth without hesitation."
Far Beyond the Stereotypes
"OCD. It's not some goofy personality quirk. It's h**l on earth."
"'Oh, you have OCD? Well, how come your house is a mess?'"
"Oh, I dunno, maybe because I'm so consumed with intrusive thoughts I can't function?"
"'lol (laughing out loud), I get those too! They're normal, just ignore them.'"
What We Wear Everywhere
"Shoes. They are filled with sweaty feet and go everywhere. Think about the gas station and airport bathrooms. The bathrooms you can feel the ick in."
Also, Watch Straps
"Your watch strap: mine is white and the notches for the buckle go all the way around and every week I have to clean out all the lint and build up to stop it going funky. Makes me shudder at the idea of other watch straps where it may not be as obvious."
Kids Who Don't Know Better
"Speaking as a teacher of four- to five-year-olds:"
"Kids with colds who do not know how to blow their noses or cover their coughs and sneezes. Sometimes they just leave the snot on their faces, or wipe it on their clothes. They can produce a mind-boggling amount of snot!"
"The awful gross things kids will willingly put in their mouths, and then share with others!"
"I love them regardless!"
We're absolutely squirming at the thought of all of these situations, mostly because we haven't thought about them to this degree before, or perhaps even considered it (we're looking at you, belts).
Take this as a reminder to clean the things you haven't in a while, and perhaps take some extra health precautions in public spaces where other people may not be.
Do you ever wonder what it must've been like to experience major events throughout world history when reading about them in text books?
But if you take pause and actually think about it, we're living through many newsworthy current events that succeeding generations will be talking about long after we're gone.
Reading about them online or in newspapers is one thing. But seeing them happen unfold before our eyes is another.
"What is the most historically significant event you witnessed IN PERSON?"
People recall the natural disaster events they've witnessed.
"1964 Good Friday Earthquake 9.2 Richter. Was a boy in Cordova, Alaska at the time."
"My father was skipper of the USCG cutter stationed there. He was inport, and when the quake struck shortly before 5:30pm, he and my mom gathered me and my three siblings on the front porch. At first, it felt like the house was crumbling at the foundation, but on the porch we could plainly see our whole world was shaking. I remember watching telephone poles swaying, and the wires snapping and crackling in the street. The quake lasted about five minutes initially. My dad got his ship underway to avoid the tidal wave which was sure to come. We had several aftershocks in the coming weeks, some of which were quite strong, though nowhere near as strong or as long as the quake itself. I was seven at the time."
"October 17th, 1989. I watched the 880 Nimitz freeway collapse during the San Francisco earthquake. The Honda in front of me had the upper deck crush her front-end engine compartment. The mother and her daughter were shaken up but completely fine."
"I was driving a convertible Triumph Spitfire, which was scratched up slightly from debris. However, I walked away unscathed. Aside from the fact I pissed my pants, which I didn't notice until much later."
Thar She Blows
"I sat on the roof of our house and watched Mt. St. Helens erupt less than 100 miles away."
"This must have been fascinating and terryfing in equal measure. What a thing to witness."
"It was amazing! The ash that covered everything like snow was interesting to kid me, but less so to my parents."
People recall seeing major catastrophes as a result of malfunctions or judgement errors.
"The b-52 crash that led to changing what large military aircraft are allowed to do for airshows."
"I didn't see the plane, but immediately saw the fireball. It was just a perfect, bright red turning to black mushroom cloud."
"Fairchild is a nuclear air base and there were a few minutes there where I was sure the world was about to end."
"A few years before a KC-135 doing the same thing crashed near the school while we were in class."
"I was standing on my front porch watching the launch of the Challenger."
"Was riding in my parents car to a basketball game in the next town over in north texas when we saw a shooting star and thought that was neat."
"It was the Columbia..."
Demolition Gone Wrong
"The failed implosion of the Zip feed mill in Sioux Falls, SD in 2005."
"They hyped it up, sold tickets to it, had a big 'BOOM' marketing thing, and broadcast it live on TV."
"The explosives took out the main supports on the first floor, and the rest of the building above it just plopped down 10ft or so and came to a rest. It was a massive failure, and was a funny little blurb on news stations around the world that day. Definitely not major news, just the rest of the world taking 20 seconds to laugh at us."
"The building sat like that (the leaning tower of SuFu) for quite a while until they figured out how to safely demolish it."
"Here's a clip of the failed demolition."
These well-known historical events were seen by very few who are alive today.
"The tumbling of the Wall in Germany… along with people selling bits and pieces of it on tables in lobby in front of commissary and px in the following weeks and months. I had picked up a chunk about the size of an oreo and kept it… has blue spray paint on the flat side. Wonder if anyone is buying them now?"
"I would have to say the LA riots. I lived about two blocks from where it started. I was on my way home from school and saw someone throw a brick through a window. I didn’t even wait. I just started running the whole way home."
Day Of Infamy
"9/11, I could SMELL the collapse of the towers."
"A friend of mine was there. One day in the warehouse we worked in together there was an odd electrical burning smell. He stopped in his tracks and went 'this is what 9/11 smelled like.'"
I didn't physically witness the fall of the World Trade Center but I was living in New York City at the time.
However, I did see the smoke.
I was living up north in Washington Heights at the time and knowing what happened, uncertain of what was to come, and seeing the plumes of smoke from the attack site was the most ominous sight I've ever seen in my life to date.
Have you ever lived through a historic moment or witnessed something sure to be noted in history books? Let us know in the comments below.