I think, fundamentally, there are two types of people.
Some folks are perfectly satisfied to have their romantic partner as their only social outlet. They don't need other friends, they don't need hobbies, they don't need alone time, they're perfectly content to live with the "us against the world" mindset.
Other people need to maintain a social life outside of their partner. They need to continue those friendships, outlets, and time to themselves to recharge. To those people, the idea of being someone's whole world isn't a heart-warming one; it's a high-pressure suffocating situation.
I'm not here to say one type is right or wrong, but relationships can get pretty complicated when one partner is one way, the other is the opposite. Communication is key, but this can be a really hurtful topic of conversation that's difficult to navigate when one partner just doesn't get the others needs or why they would even have them.
One Reddit user is sitting squarely in the middle of this problem. She adores her partner, but he never gives her any breathing room and tries to make her feel guilty when she takes some time to herself. He even texts her constantly while she's at work and gets hurt when she can't respond right away. In an effort to get some time to herself, she called in sick to work so she could just be home alone. She realized she's hit her breaking point and reached out for some advice.
I called in sick to work today so I could have some time alone from my partner. My partner is always around. Some people will say I'm lucky that he wants to be around me all of the time, but it's feeling so smothering.
We've been together for 10 years. He has no friends he hangs out with, and the only time he'll do his hobby (fishing) is when I'm busy doing something else. If I suggest he should go fishing, he asks why I'm trying to get rid of him. If I want to hang out with my friend (which we only do once a week), instead of saying "that sounds fun, I hope you have a good time!" he'll say "well what am I going to do? You've been at work all day, I haven't seen you, I'm going to miss you". He makes me feel guilty for leaving him alone.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed. How do you tell your partner of 10 years that he's smothering me and I need guilt-free alone time? I have told him before, but he gets a little mopey and wonders why I need "me time". It's just not really a concept he understands, and it's hard to explain.
It hasn't always been like this, but we've moved cities a few times and his friend pool has dwindled down to nothing, and he doesn't know how to make new friends. His co-dependence has just been getting worse and worse and I'm just starting to hit the end of my mental strings.
Here are some of the responses she got. Some have been edited for clarity. What advice would you have given?
Let Him MopeGiphy
One secret to getting people to accept something you want and they don't is that you need to be able to handle the moping. Just let him mope. Don't cave in. Keep repeating the message on different occasions. Go hang out with your friend. Go out for a walk. (You probably can't force him out of the house, so for now you need to leave to get some alone time.) After a while it'll sink in that moping doesn't accomplish anything.
It's like when I was little and would whine to my mother that I was bored. Her response: "I see." Of course I thought that was massively irritating as a kid, but I did learn how to entertain myself. :-)
Now this isn't to say that you can't help your partner, too. Maybe you two could go check out a hobby together, so it's not so scary for him the first time? Just do this on a separate occasion, NOT when you were just planning to go out alone.
The things you want for yourself (time to yourself, a life, friends, hobbies, work being a time you aren't available to just socialize) these are all super reasonable things. But since your SO is pouty and difficult about it you feel like you need to compromise or give up these completely reasonable healthy things.
You need to be able to just accept that it is okay for you to do these things and if your SO can't see that, it is on him. He is the one making himself miserable here. It isn't your job to be a co-dependent shut-in who has no friends or hobbies and texts with him all day when you should be working to spare his feelings. Instead, you should live a normal adult life and it's his job to learn how to handle that.
Stop feeling bad or guilty or like you need to comprise on having a normal life. Don't feed into his pity party or moping or annoyance. It works a lot less well to be a pouty moper if no one pays any attention to that. Whether it's an intentional manipulation or just a more unconscious learned behavior, you've taught your boyfriend that if he is pouty, mopey, annoyed, etc that you make his feelings into your problem and you compromise yourself and give him the attention he is seeking.
Suggest Some Self ReflectionGiphy
He needs to do some self-reflection. I did a lot of introspecting this year and I reached a few conclusions. I've always been really clingy and had a great need for attention.
I was neglected most of my life and praised for not being a troublemaker. So I never made trouble or went looking for the attention I needed from my mom. Worth noting is the few times I did act out, I would get beat down and it would enforce the idea that I was the problem and I would double down on just raising myself
And I realized that emotionally I never grew past being a toddler. I had this realization when I hit a lot of growth this year, I was joking about finally entering my teenaged rebellion in my mid/late twenties when suddenly I realized it was basically exactly what was happening.
I've grown a lot and I'm getting better at being self sufficient, but it's a long road and I'll always be behind the curve, I think. I'm alright with that, and my husband is alright with that. We have a good dynamic. He understands that I need attention and I understand that I need it, so if I feel like I'm not getting enough of it I can channel and process those feelings and work through them. Over time I condition myself to be more independent.
Just a few thoughts.
Desktops And Cell PhonesGiphy
I once read this analogy in this sub: extroverts are like desktop computers, they're always available to interact with other people, their source of energy for interaction never runs out. Introverts are like cell phones, they're happy to interact, but eventually their battery runs out and they need a brief period to recharge before they're ready again.
Perhaps you can use it to try to explain to your SO that it's not that you don't enjoy your time with him, it's just that's the way you're wired and it's a personality trait you cannot change by sheer will (not that you'd have to even if you could.)
He Gets It, He Would Just Rather...Giphy
It's not that he doesn't understand. Honestly, he doesn't have to feel the same way to understand. He gets it. He would just rather service his own discomfort over yours. He puts his want ahead of your need. Not cool.
It's not your job to stop him from moping. Set the expectation. I love you, I need alone time because I like it. Not because I dislike you. Millions of people have this same need. You have to respect it in order to respect me.
Schedule the times. Don't give in to guilt. He understands. He just prefers to guilt you instead of managing this alone. And he needs to.
I would essentially say,
"Listen babe. You know I love you, and I love spending time with you. I don't know if you understand, but I would really love it if you could respect my wishes for when I would like some alone time. Sometimes, after working all day, i just need some time doing my own thing and being my own person. It doesn't mean I love you any less, it just means that sometimes I need to recharge my batteries. I really think this is important because without this individual time to recharge, I get really worn down a lot quicker; which means when you and I DO spend time together I will be a lot less attentive... and neither of us want that! I can't pour from an empty cup babe! I need this time alone to recharge and refill. I would appreciate it so much if you could try to understand and if you could respect my wishes when it comes to this. I think it may even make us a stronger unit if we both strengthen ourselves individually so we can be extra strong when we are together."
I had a really hard time with this too. I had no friends, was alone all day... it was hard because I felt really deprived of human interaction and I would get said and feel left out when my BF would get home from work and almost immediately go to do something with friends or go fishing or something. It hurt my feelings because I was like, "does he not care that I literally don't see anyone all day? He's my only interaction with people I get all day and he just leaves me alone?"
Then he sat me down and had that same talk with me basically. What really made it click for me was when he told me it's really important to him that we both can be our own person without the other one there. He told me that he would think it was really cool if I picked up a hobby and devoted a lot of time to it or something like that. and he also said that he believed it would really strengthen our bond (distance makes the heart grow fonder) and make the time we do spend together even more special and that really made it click for me :)
Used To Be The Clingy PartnerGiphy
I used to be the clingy partner towards the beginning of my relationship with my husband. For me, it came from an extremely low self esteem. I needed him around to feel whole. I didn't engage in hobbies or friendships because I didn't bother ever starting it because I was lazy and subconsciously didn't think I was worth it. The reason I say all of this is because about 3 years ago I became interested in self help, yoga, meditation and affirmations. All of which slowly helped me gain my self esteem. I'm almost a different person now--I actually thoroughly enjoy my own company. We spend a lot of time apart doing our own things and I love it. And when we we're together again we enjoy each other's company more than we ever have. Just my experience.
Introverts Need To RechargeGiphy
Sounds like you might both be introverts. I could be wrong, but I'm writing this as an introvert myself. I need time to energize after social interactions. After I get home from work for instance I usually just want to be left alone. I don't have to do that, but after a day or two of constant socializing I just shut down and retreat.. So I get ahead of that and give myself plenty of alone time throughout the week.
It sounds like your partner is recharging while you're gone and does not run into the same problem you do, as you have no time to recharge and be by yourself. If you're really an introvert (and maybe even if you aren't?) such alone recharging time is vital! If I didn't get mine, I'd be so cranky all the time.. I feel so much better after getting that regular alone time.
Talk to him about this! Tell him you need your alone time too! He gets his, and you need yours! Your partner needs friends and hobbies, his lifestyle doesn't sound very healthy, and it's draining your social energy away.
Dude Is LonelyGiphy
I sifted through the comments looking for the reason why this was happening- the trigger- and factoring in all the moving, this totally makes sense. If this is not the person they were 10 or even 3 years ago then in my mind this is just a bump in the road and not an unchangeable personality flaw or mismatch between you both.
Dude is lonely. Plain and simple. And he's not lonely from your relationship, he's lonely from lack of meaningful platonic intimacy with friends and he's projecting that onto you. He's trying to fill a different need with the substance of your relationship so inevitably that well runs dry. If he struggles with expressing his emotions he may be aware and be embarrassed to say so, or he may not be aware at all.
When my husband had some frustrations around loneliness and lack of friendships when we moved to a new state I tried to address the need for an outlet that wasn't me. So I invited a couple female and male coworkers out to a movie with me and my husband so he can meet new people, I started hanging out with a girl who I thought was great and suspected her boyfriend and my husband would hit it off and scheduled a couples date, and I helped him find a new job (at a young startup!) because he was surrounded by much older, boring colleagues who he couldn't connect with. I also made plans for him to fly back home to see his best friend and family, and I planned a surprise trip for a friend of his to come stay with us for a week.
It sounds like a lot of work and it might be a little overwhelming to essentially plan friend dates for your partner but if he feels lost and lonely and admittedly making friends later in life IS harder, then for his mental wellness and definitely your own, it may take a little magic on your part to nudge him in the right direction.
If after trying some things to get him going on being his own person, and having a conversation with him about your needs there's still no change then I would really consider couples cognitive behavioral therapy because woooo is that a life saver. I say that because if he can't find his own way I think you will continue to grow frustrated and resent him, and he will continue to feel lonely and on top of that, rejected by the one person he does have, which will make him withdraw. As you both pull away from each other over time that creates distance that is really difficult to rebuild.
Best of luck to you both! I hope your heart gets the space it needs to grow for itself and grow fonder for him, and his gets the friendship it needs to grow independent.
"...Like A Bear Trap..."Giphy
Nothing makes my vagina clamp shut like a bear trap faster than neediness. If he sulks and pouts every time you close the bathroom door without inviting him in, this might be a fundamental incompatibility issue. I honestly don't know how you've lived through 10 years of this, but it sounds like you're hitting your limit and now it's literally affecting your work, so it's time to deal with it directly.
I suggest that you sit down with him, not at a time when you've butted heads over this issue, but when you're both calm and rational, and talk about it. Tell him what you need, and how it makes you feel when he lays guilt on your shoulders. When he says "why don't you want to be with me", tell him point blank that you're worried about him, that this level of co-dependence is not healthy, and that it's damaging your relationship and you need to do something about it before it's too late. If he's not willing to listen to you or consider your feelings as well as his own, then you've got a real problem here.
College Professors Share Their Funniest 'I Don't Know How You Made It Out Of High School' Experiences
Now that college has become a standard requirement for so many jobs and careers, there is a massive push by high schools to get their graduating students accepted and enrolled at an undergraduate college.
On the whole, that's undoubtedly a great thing. A more educated workforce will be prepared to solve the most complex issues facing human beings in the next several decades.
Dates on Dates on Dates<p>"As a college freshman, I took Advanced English with a student who didn't know how to write a research paper or even possibly read (I don't know). When I realized she didn't know how to research, I gave her my sources and showed her how to navigate them."</p><p>"The next class when we were supposed to edit each other's rough drafts. I handed her my paper to edit, she gave it back to me after 10 seconds without reading it and said it was good."</p><p>"She then handed me her 'paper' and it was just a list of random dates."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gptxevt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JustEnoughDarkToSee</a></p>
The Be All End All<p>"Not a college professor, but I worked in my university's writing center for a while."</p><p>"I had a girl come in with a research paper bibliography that listed 'my mom' as a source several times."</p><p>"When I pressed, she told me her mom looked up everything and sent it to her and she just...put it in the paper. She told me she had always done it that way."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpttedl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SalemScout</a></p>
Sloppy Writing, Everywhere You Look<p>"I worked at my university writing center and saw a lot of really terrible writing. SO MANY poorly written essays. I really don't know how you can graduate from high school without at least being able to perform simple tasks like 'Point to your thesis statement.' "</p><p>"The whole point of a writing center was to teach students to correct their own work, but there was a direct correlation between how awful a paper was and how likely the student was to throw it at you and say 'I'm going to go have lunch. Will you have it fixed in an hour?' then try to leave."</p><p>"The tutors all got really good at an authoritative, 'Stop right there! Sit down. Now let's talk about how YOU are going to improve YOUR paper.' "</p><p>"The most frustrating papers were the science majors. I could never tell if the paper was terrible or I just wasn't following the details of their experiment on chlorinated aliphatic hydrocarbons or whatever."</p><p>"The absolute worst was the ENGLISH MASTERS DEGREE STUDENT who came in several times with absolute gibberish. To be fair, English was his second language but... are you absolutely sure you do not want to consider a career change, my good sir?"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpulz8a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hananobira</a></p>
Gorillas at War<p>"Not me, but a friend who taught in the politics department received a paper about 'gorilla' warfare in South America."</p><p>"It was so poorly written she couldn't tell if it was a typo, or if they genuinely thought Colombia had been overrun by a Planet of the Apes style revolution."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gptfcg3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ZoeAWashburne</a></p>
Wrong Guy<p>"I once got an exam essay that mentioned how much Mandela hated the Jews. After scratching my head for a bit and wondering if I'd missed some obvious signs of his anti-Semitism I realized she meant Mengele."</p><p>"As in Josef Mengele, the Nazi 'Angel of Death.' Hard to think of a worse person she could've confused him for."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpu4rn5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WhiskyTangoNovember</a></p>
Time Scales<p>"Not a professor but in undergrad I was taking an American history course. Our professor was from Maryland and was probably in her early forties."</p><p>"This kid asked her if she was one of the pearl harbor survivors. He couldn't grasp the fact that she was very much not alive at that time and that Pearl Harbor was not a harbor in Maryland."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpubapq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Whowhatwherewhenwhy6</a></p>
Measuring is for Nerds<p>"For a couple years I taught first-year college students in an ENGINEERING program, <em>the majority of whom</em> didn't know how to do unit conversions."</p><p>"Not even, like, inches-to-centimeters. To repeat ... <span style="background-color: initial;">college</span> ... <span style="background-color: initial;">ENGINEERING</span> ..."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpswuau?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JSanzi</a></p>
That's the Whole Thing<p>"I once spent an hour explaining to college junior that an even number is divisible by 2." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpuki9z?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">KingofSheepX</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"wh-, what? how? literally the definition of an even number is a number that's evenly divisible by 2. what?" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpuyke9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheDonutPug</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Not as big of a deal, but in freshman year, I was the only one out of me and a few friends (including a math major) who knew 0 was even" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpxmgog?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">StaleTheBread</a></p>
Convenient Reasoning<p>"My first year teaching I had a student who had failed the previous year due to missing too many cooking labs to pass and not handing in half the assignments."</p><p>"I had rewritten the curriculum and assignments."</p><p>"I noticed that this student hadn't been handing certain things in and had been skipping my lectures, so I decided to have a chat with them."</p><p>"They thought their marks for that semester were cumulative with their previous year's mark (with a different curriculum, different assignments, and a different professor) so they just had to make up enough marks to get a passing grade."</p><p>"This is a post-grad program. They had a BSc in dietetics."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gptoeow?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PM_ME__RECIPES</a></p>
LISTEN"Not a professor, but I used to TA for undergrad organic chem lab courses. Had a... challenging student once who was not great at reading directions or thinking critically. We were setting up an experiment that required GENTLE heating of a volatile solvent.""I explicitly told the class, multiple times, 'only turn your hot plates up to 2 when heating, these things get very hot." Maybe 30 minutes later I'm making my rounds through the lab and I pass said guy's fume hood and notice his reaction is smoking.""I look closer and see that all of the liquid in his flask is gone and its just a charred, black smoking mess (which is still heating). I ask, "Student! What's going on with your reaction??? What's the temperature set at?!" "The guy goes, oh, I wasn't sure how hot to heat it, so I just turned the plate all the way up to 10. Is my reaction going to be ok?' No, no man, it's not going to be ok... he literally boiled the thing dry 🙄"<p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyhz9x/college_professors_of_reddit_whats_your_im/gpswxgm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">jpiethescienceguy</a></p>
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
The person on the other end of a 911 call has a truly remarkable job.
For those who don't play that professional role, we hope to never encounter the 911 call interaction. But if we do find ourselves making that call, the moment is an anomaly in our lives.
The chaos, the panic, the racing heart, and the desperation are all emotions we, ideally, don't experience on a regular basis.
But for the operator on the other end, our call is one in a long line of calls they've received all day, and all the workdays before that one.
It's difficult to imagine being embedded in those uniquely urgent, emergency moments all the time.
Some Redditors who are on the other end of that call shared their experiences on the job.
WhimsicalxxButcher asked, "911 dispatchers what has been your most creepy/unnerving call?"
For a few, the most unnerving moments were the calm callers.
There was something just so eerie about how level-headed the faceless human being on the other end could be through such a desperate, tragic moment.
"I had a friend who worked as a 911 dispatcher and he always said the worst call he ever had was a ~20 year old kid who committed suicide by mixing a bunch of chemicals together in his car to produce hydrogen sulfide gas."
"He said that the most unnerving part was hearing him calmly listing off the chemicals, the type of gas produced, and the effects of hydrogen sulfide on the body (namely the almost instant death it causes at high concentrations)."
"He ended the call by providing the address of the parking lot he was in and saying that nobody should approach the vehicle without hazmat equipment."
"Apparently after that there was a whooshing sound as he dumped the last chemical into the mix, and then the line went dead silent aside for a quiet fizzing noise."
"I know that call screwed him up because he almost never talks about stuff that happens to him on the job. He quit a few months later to go into construction management, and frankly I can't blame him."
"A woman called me, saying she was going to kill herself. She was gassing herself. Gave me her name & address then said she was just going to lie down and 'go to sleep.' And stopped responding to me."
"I kept the line open, trying to get her to speak to me, and eventually heard officers forcing their way in to find her body. I guess she just wanted someone to find her body."
Before It Set In
"When I got a call from a 6 year old who got home from school and laid down to take a nap with his dad. His dad never woke up."
"The kid was so calm when calling it broke my heart."
"I ended up leaving dispatch shortly after. I was good at compartmentalizing the job for the year I was doing it, but it would've broken me in the long run."
Other 911 operators were unfortunate enough to receive a call from the very last person they wanted to hear from: a loved one.
These dispatchers' unique position gave them the unexpected access to a family member or friend at their most dire moments.
No More of That
"My family member is a long time first responder, and 'retired' into doing dispatch. He heard the address (someone else was taking the call) and realized it was his daughter's house."
"He rushed over there just in time to see them wheeling her body out. Overdose."
"Five months later, he was called to his ex-wife's place because his grandson (son of the daughter who recently passed) had his door locked, lights on, but wasn't responding to his grandma."
"He broke the door down and found him deceased in bed. Overdose."
"He's very stoic after years of all sorts of traumatic situations but my heart hurts whenever I think of what all of this must have felt like. Like sand through your fingers."
Knowing the Address
"Not me, but my grandma. I was sitting in the dispatch office, (very small one only 2 dispatchers including my grandma) but she put out a dispatch that there was a gun shot from my best friends address."
"My heart sank to my stomach and broke later that day. He committed suicide."
When it Happened
"My uncle passing away. Worked as a small town dispatcher for a year or so. Had a bunch of messed up stuff happen on shift, but this call came in in the still hours of the night. Small town, so not many calls after midnight."
"I answered and recognized the name and address on caller id. Aunt was in a frenzy so didn't recognize my voice. I remained calm and got ems and fire rolling to them, but by my aunt's own words he was already blue."
"I went thru debriefing and mandated therapy for a couple other things that happened, but never really talked to anyone about this. I just try not to think about it."
"That was the call I figured out I needed to find a different job."
Finally, some simply had a front row seat to sudden tragedy.
These operators were flies on the wall when disaster struck. They never asked to witness what they witnessed, but sometimes that came with the territory.
A Holiday Tragedy
"My mom is a 911 dispatcher. Early on she said one Christmas Eve while working she got a call from an elderly lady who's husband had just collapsed(and died) from a heart attack and in the background Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas music was playing on blast."
"The lady was screaming and crying and begging for her husband to wake up but my mom could hear his gurgling in his last breathes. She doesn't listen to or watch Alvin and the chipmunks since."
What is it About Christmas?
"Christmas night. 911 call with crying child on the other end. A neighbor had run her car over her mom during a domestic."
"The mom crawled to the porch bleeding and the child saw the car coming back. I had her hide quietly in a closet with the cordless phone."
"The 10 year old child was crying and screamed that she hated Christmas. She was afraid of the police when they got there."
"I kept her on the phone until she felt safe enough to give the phone to an officer. I almost fainted after that call was over. Had nightmares for a while."
Close to Home
"Not a dispatcher but I handle radio communications for the Coast Guard. One night I was on the radio and got a call from an 11 year old kid whose boat had started to sink. He was out with his dad and 6 year old brother."
"They had been hit by another boat and his father got knocked unconscious. I remember the entire conversation up until the radio had gone underwater."
"They ended up finding his dad floating on his back alive but the two boys didn't make it. That one really fu**ed with me because my two littlest brothers were around the same age as the youngest."
A Horrible Clock
"Another one that stays with me was the man who called in. It was the anniversary of his adult son having hanged himself. He'd now come home to find his wife had done the same."
"That date is always going to be a black day for him."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Again, we hope you never have to use the 911 call in your life. Nobody wants to be involved in a sudden emergency or a tragic incident.
But hopefully, if you do, an operator like one of these thoughtful, sensitive Redditors is on the other end.
When I was moving on from middle school to high school my parents had me tested for the "gifted" program. By some miracle I passed and was accepted. And then I turned it down. Everyone was irritated. "This will pave the way for any college you want! You'll learn so much!" his path will set you up for life!" Every adult tried valiantly to sell me this merchandise but in my gut I just wasn't buying it. So I "settled" a level below, merely advanced classes. And upon reflection... it was the best choice I ever made.Redditor u/dauntlessdaisy was wondering how far some in life got by asking... For those of you who were considered "gifted" in school, what are you doing with your life now?
"Sounds Nuts"<p>The rigid routine for the gifted kids is just too much for people that age. It almost feels like it's built to make you fail. So that if you succeed, even with a C/D average, at least you're alive. Like, how in the world does 4-5 hours of homework a night sound reasonable? All while engaging in extracurriculars for college and having some kind of life. And what really is the payoff?</p>
Chems & Beats<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDg3Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTk5NTkxNH0.qusPPfEvnWh50Geq4LP1HE8sjmkK97WZSrOBjfSVprU/img.gif?width=980" id="95784" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0268259a753568e56c8d749d3c940ef2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="360" />axl rose GIFGiphy<p>Chemist during the week. Drummer on weekends. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpo4jgx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Best_Detective_2533</a></p>
Average People<p>I was "gifted" in elementary school. Looking back, I realize that I was just average in a below average school district lmao. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbiln?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLE_Till_I_Die32</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbiln?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>I think that's what it really boils down to. How are you compared to your immediate peers? Then the school can round up a few, put them in a faster class, and justify their jobs. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppd7ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">neveraskmeagainok</a></p>
Meow Meow<p>After a long battle with depression and burnout at university, I've found repairing electronics to be quite soothing/rewarding. I think mostly, because it's very clear when a project is done (it was broken, now it's not), which really removes the pressure and anxiety of failing to live up to people's expectations.</p><p>I also have a wonderful partner and a very handsome cat.</p><p><em><strong>Edit:</strong></em> <a href="https://imgur.com/a/jd0g7GE" target="_blank">cat tax</a>. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnnsx8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MarcelLovesYou</a></p>
Say Ahhhh<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDg4OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDI2NjU3NH0.iRFYsfod945abO2DqTbt3aDEZ5CPlq3OHSqTtkjU-RQ/img.gif?width=980" id="456d4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e86eb4cf1863827259219cd38604077b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="230" />head feels GIFGiphy<p>I'm a doctor, been aiming for this since I was 10! Finally succeeded 18 months ago. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbktv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">grc208</a></p>
Useless<p>I was praised for my intelligence, not my work ethic.</p><p>I got lazy as heeeell.</p><p>I'm trying to instill into my children that hard work and practice is more important than being able to figure it out first try. I praise the effort, not the end result. I hope this works out better for them. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnurd1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">openletter8</a></p>
Days with the Dead<p>I went into a profession that is less about being "gifted" and more about being personable. I studied Funeral Science and all my peers and high school students thought it would be a waste of my time and talents, yet 27 years later, here I am. I actually own my own Funeral Home where we provide affordable funerals and cremations and enjoy helping others through the rough times in their lives. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpoeiqm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">iseedeadpeople1973</a></p>
I Object!<p>Went to law school, which I stupidly thought would be a breeze because high school and college were. Quickly discovered that everyone there was "gifted" and the professors didn't give a crap about our prior achievements or LSAT scores, etc. Had to really work hard for the first time in my academic life and definitely did not breeze through with As. <span></span></p>
I wanna Care<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDkwMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODkyMDYxOX0.oQUbPvjRftqI6V62pYIyN_-CXpIW1B4qO9AVpZjSZ0I/img.gif?width=980" id="dd8d8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="19540e96f68bf1079ba3279efbb513e3" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="281" />Spongebob Squarepants Reaction GIF by NickelodeonGiphy<p>I work my 40 in logistics to keep the lights on. Its a low-stress gig that pays enough that I can focus on the crap I actually care about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnmuzw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Reddit</a></p>
Deep Breathes...<p>Panic attacks over the idea of failing. "Gifted" children more often than not weren't taught to work hard because they just 'naturally got it', so they grow up not knowing how to problem solve and tackle difficulties in healthy ways and thus are extremely paranoid over the idea of not being the best. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpo0dp2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Ahstia</a></p>
Slackers<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDkwNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDk4NjE0OH0.Vk6OppgF8-RtV2byZa-Wl75izrGgdi3TAF84y3j70UQ/img.gif?width=980" id="bf81d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="565d606bdd560de62b3f4ffdeef0c865" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="600" data-height="411" />Tired Back To School GIF by OriginalsGiphy<p>Procrastinating.</p><p>The thing about those "gifted" classes is they don't provide you with any work ethic. As a kids we were just expected to meet the criteria, and we expected it too. now as crap gets harder in life, a lot of us procrastinate and slack off. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnn5ep?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">asteliia</a></p>
There's a million things that can happen to you while out on on the road.