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A woman provoked the cold shoulder from one of her closest friends after she gave some tough love and criticized a two-year long grieving process that, she thinks, has become obsessive.


Miscarriages are brutal. Nobody says they're not. But what if the glimmer in your eye, because it never sees the light of day, makes you blind?

The doghouse-bound friend recounted all the working parts of the feud in a lengthy, thoughtful post on subReddit "Am I The A$$hole" (AITA).

burneraccount234786 closes the post honestly wondering if she's screwed up here, despite feeling in the right. As always, for purposes of moral absolution, judgment, and escalation, the internet doesn't disappoint.

After kicking off the account by informing that her friend's inciting miscarriage occurred two years ago, burneraccount234786 explains that in the beginning she had full patience for whichever direction her friend's grieving took.

"A good friend of mine miscarried her daughter at around 18 weeks. It was a terrible time for her, and it broke her a bit."
"She chose to deal with it by starting an Instagram where she documents her loss, and for a while that helped."

It was during that initial mourning phase that the first red flag arrived. But, again, our narrator was supportive no matter what.

"She started to referred to her as having been "born sleeping", which is baffling to me (I believe that you shouldn't sugar coat grief/death) but I figured that whatever gets her through the next year was fine, and I did my best to be supportive.

Two years later, still witnessing the same behavior of the "initial phase," burneraccount234786 has lost patience.

"Since then, it's become her identity. She always talks about it, her 'journey,' and her 'angel baby in heaven.' Hardly anything else!"
"She even threw a birthday party twice for her daughter. With a cake and candles!!! The first one I understood, but with the second one....felt ghoulish."

For the record: this may be the most conscientious case of someone calling another person a ghoul.

The narrator then only adds to her own credibility.

"I've experienced miscarriages (one at 14 weeks, another fairly early on) myself, and while it sucked, it was no great cataclysm, and I got over it rather quickly."
"I understand not everyone is like this but I think that something is very wrong."

Then she comes in with a bombshell. The key info vaults the story from a ghoul in a vacuum to a serious, weird problem.

"I would totally just let it go as harmless eccentricity except for the fact that she has a five year old son."
"He appears on her social media, but never as like 'just her son,' it's always as 'her brother' being graveside, holding the body in the hospital, posed next to a bigger picture of her face, etc."
"He's become more of a prop than a person, less of a priority to her than her grief."

When the neglected kid finally makes a coded cry for help, burneraccount234786 refuses to take her friend's side.

"Last week, she called me in tears because the son had destroyed some of the framed photos of his sister, and she had found him 'destroying the nursery.' She said that she punished him, and told me she had no idea why he would disrespect his sister like that."
"I told her that 'you would probably lose it too if you felt like you were competing with a ghost,' and that her obsession with her daughter is delusional, unhealthy and endangering her relationship with her VERY alive son."

After the narrator laid down the brutal honesty, her friend hung up and has since refused to return her calls.

Clearly at the end of her rope, the tough lover asked Reddit for piece of mind.

Many Redditors gave simple and direct support to burneraccount234786.

"That's basic child neglect, not fair on the poor kid at all! Good job for seeing his side!" Sapphireseafoam
"She needed to be confronted about this at some point. Maybe now that she was she can see her behavior for what it is, unhealthy." lolabornack
"You're not wrong for saying what you did, but I just don't think your friend is capable of hearing you right now."
"This kind of obsessive grieving isn't the norm more than two years in, and your friend needs help." melimineau

Even more took it a step further, pointing out that her friend is not just in the wrong, but needs some real help.

"I was sympathetic to the friend until you mentioned the Instagram."
"I might be misinterpreting this but it reads like she's addicted to the attention she gets being a mother of a miscarried child." Readingreddit12345
"At this point, I would make a call to child services and have them intervene."
"There is only so much you and her husband can do, but they have the legal ability to step in and get that child and his mother the help they need." Thatvideogamenerd
"She needs to see a therapist and talk about this happening. There is a way to process grief and this isn't it." wheady-mile

Others didn't chose not to give advice. They were reduced to pure sympathy for the neglected kid.

"Her poor son has spent 2 of his 5 years in the shadow of her grief. That poor child." LefthandedLemur

As with the internet, there's no knowing how this story ends, only it's most dramatic dynamics in the middle of the ordeal.

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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