If you are a woman (or any non-cis man gender), the things men do can seem strange, confusing, and even stupid. While we may not understand it, man logic is a whole different way of thinking. After all, as a wise person once said, "men are from Mars". Here are a few examples of this from the women of Reddit.
u/_snazzleton_ asked: Women of Reddit, what is something about men that confuses you?
It can get scary.
My bf and his friends play video games that make them angry and upset more often than not, but they insist they love them and are their favorite games.
It's a stress release. Men are generally taught to not show emotions and be tough. Games are a way to let those bottled up feelings out after a long day of being a rock.
We just want to shoot some motherf*ckers.
The real questions.
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When a girl sits in your lap what does it feel like, and is there a right way and wrong way to do it?
Face: Chill. This is cool, havin' a good time.
Brain: AAAAHHHHH! She's sitting on my lap! WHERE DO I PUT MY HANDS!
It gets tangled?
Does having a d*ck feel uncomfortable when you wear pants? I feel like it would stick to your thigh and I think I wouldn't like that.
Not really, boxer briefs do a reasonably good job of keeping it contained. It's actually more uncomfortable how sometimes it likes to get tangled up in the boxers I sleep in.
He's just nervous.
I know this guy who I think likes me. He's usually really reserved around me but every once in awhile he'll just come up to me, totally confident but next minute he's shy again. Why?
If he does like you, he's probably nervous. He's getting moments of courage that don't last forever. He might be looking for a clear 'go for it' signal. So if you're interested, try approaching him during a shy moment. You making the move might be the sign he needs.
5-in-1?????
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What's the deal with your 2-in-1 shampoos? My boyfriend has a 5-in-1 and I don't understand how it can wash everything!
Good to know.
What does it feel like to stick your d*ck in something? What's a comparable feeling?
Imagine if your finger had about 10,000x the nerve endings, but just at the last knuckle and fingernails aren't a thing. That's somewhat equivalent. Now imagine that feeling attached to your groin and the feeling radiating deep to your core.
Ejaculation has the same heart stopping sensation as a good sneeze, as well as a evacuating feeling like a good poop or like when you finally pee after holding it for a long time. But again, all this radiating outward from your core in the direction of and through this groin appendage, almost convulsing at times. Your whole body gets hot, and there's a brief moment almost like passing out, then reality comes flooding back in as you catch your breath and recover.
That's a valid question.
Have you ever had to wait in line for the bathroom?
[deleted]
At tech conferences, all the time. There's always a bit of a joke about the tables being turned from the usual concert / sporting event type situation, because the ~10% of attendees who are women have no wait at all.
This is cute.
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How do you tell if a guy likes you and how do I get a guy to like me?
Don't be afraid to make the first move. Even if you're anxious, keep in mind that asking a guy out is a massive ego boost for him. Not in a bad way, more like "this is the most positive thing to happen to me in years" kind of way. And a guy will remember you being into him for years afterwards. Hell, I got a compliment from a girl I'd never spoken to years ago in high school and it still makes me feel better about myself.
That's a little creepy.
Is turning simple things, like a towel roll or a pool noodle, into a pretend gun an instinct for you lot?
If it's gun shaped and I'm with my buddies, absolutely.
I wish women's clothes had bigger pockets....
What is it like to have large jean pockets?
We can put anything in it from switches to wallets, you name we can put it in our pockets.
Too real.
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When I text multiple questions to a guy, they only seem to answer one question and ignore the rest. For example:
me: hey did you still wanna see that movie later tonight?
me: also, are we still working out at 2 tomorrow?
guy: yeah I'm still good for tomorrow at 2
(no response to the first question)
me (15 minutes later): so... what about the movie?
guy: yeah we're still good for tonight
Like, why not answer both questions???
I was wondering this too...
Like how do d*cks work? Can you accidentally sit on it? How do you place it?
You don't really place it anywhere. You just sit down and it goes wherever and you don't really think about it
It's possible to sit on your balls but it rarely happens and if it does then it hurts for a bit but you stand up instantly and sit back down but the pain is still there for a bit.
Clean up after yourself!
I totally get that they can't always control their pee stream but half the time they don't clean it up. Why?
It disgusts me when I go into a bathroom stall and see someone didn't clean up after themselves. Like - why do I have to clean up your mess? I will always clean up after myself.
Bro Code is a real thing?
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What are some of the rules of bro code?
I once knew a guy was interested in me and several of his friends sh*t talked him to me... saying they weren't sure if he's clean since he doesn't use condoms, saying I deserve better than him, he's just a f*ckboy and I don't want to be another number... obviously I appreciate that but did they break bro code in doing so?
I guess? I think this falls under the more general rule that a bro must not, under any circumstance, interfere with or interrupt another bro as he is attempting to score, nor otherwise damage his chance of doing so.
As far as other rules of the Bro Code, the two most important are: 1) never take a urinal directly next to an already occupied one unless there is no other choice, and 2) greeting someone as you walk by is to be done, after making eye contact, by way of a single nod - nod down for a stranger, nod up for a bro.
My fiancé is 11 years older than me so I feel this.
What's your deal with age gaps? Is it just a joke, or would you guys actually go for anyone 18 and up, regardless of your own age. No hate, just curious.
If she's cool - we're certainly cool with it (legal).
Young woman who hasn't grown bitter or jaded with life. Better yet when they have opted out of their own gen since many just see it as a dead end. You can't have a future with a guy who sees a dinner date as a fast food visit. Too busy playing games than paying attention to her. The final nail is not wanting to be mature.
And it's beyond just sex for men. That's a poor reasoning used so often. It's vitality - her energy; he will do things with her that he would never do with someone his own age. A great joy in that.
As said, 'you're only as old as you feel' and with a younger woman you feel... opportunities.
If both are happy, the age gap pointless. She wants an established man, not a boy. And he wants her spirit. A fair and merry trade.
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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