Window Cleaners Share The Weirdest Things They've Ever Seen On The Job

Knowable

Looking through the streaks.

Window washers have quite an interesting job. For many of their assignments their lives are consistently in danger. The heights they often have to reach are death defying. So there never seems to be a dull moment, because aside from cheating death, they witness things that would astound the average person. They have glimpses into the lives of strangers that sometimes make them wish they were blind. I hope they all keep journals because witnessing crazy can be priceless.

Redditor u/marky_sparky24 wanted all the window cleaners out there to share a tale or three by inquiring..... Window cleaners of Reddit, what is the weirdest thing you have seen while cleaning windows?

On the PC. 

One of the window cleaners at my workplace is a good friend of mine and he said that he saw our manager receiving oral sex from his assistant under his table while he was working on the PC. DueTry9

All the gigs...

The weirdest thing I've seen while cleaning Windows?

50 gigabytes of temporary files and misc. downloads.

It was actually just a bunch of installers, misc. documents, files in the "AppData\Local\Temp" directory, backups of old programs, and the sort.

Ain't nobody cleaning out their wank bank. zenyl

Spotted Alone....

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Not a window cleaner, but I've been spotted by one.

Sat on my day off in my birthday suit having time with myself, smoking a joint and didn't hear our back gate go. He comes in as usual and starts to climb. I had the porn on at a high volume cause I was home alone. See his head poke up above the top of the net curtains and his eyes widen at me. I stared deadlocked with him for a second before lunging for a cushion to cover myself with. Most embarrassed I've ever been. I make sure my partner pays him each time he comes to the door now. And I'm more discreet. MickeySnacks

Life at McD's! 

I used to be the janitor at a busy McDonalds next to a university campus a while back. Early in the morning I usually cleaned the windows outside before the drive through started to get too busy.

Usually saw some fairly strange people, but one that stuck out was a very unkempt and definitely hungover man foraging for cigarette butts in the trash, and on the pavement.

After he gathered a handful, he sat on the curb nearby, crushed the tiny bits of old stale tobacco out of the butts into a rolling paper, which he then licked, rolled, and then asked me if I had a light.

If I hadn't already quit smoking before then, that encounter would have made me do it. Vuldyn

Brian it's been so long.....

This is more on the sad side: We clean senior homes and in the dementia ward there was a woman that was asking me why they turned the volume down in the room because she couldn't hear me. She went on for awhile about that and how she disapproves of it. Eventually she started calling me Brian and said "Brian it's been so long since I've seen you, you never come visit." I've got to say that was both the weirdest and most saddening thing I have seen. jonahzapata

The Drama.

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I don't know. Did some window washing during my college time back then and these are scheduled appointments - so there are really no surprises here and owners are usually prepared that we are there.

One time we did a rich guys house and it was just him and his girlfriend there. They got into a massive fight towards the end and she just walked out. Literally walked on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and we picked here up on our way home. She was a sobbing mess, poor thing. theunrealabyss

The NoNO Place. 

Former window cleaner of 5 years. The unusual things I have seen on the job usually took place in the downtown segment. Usually somebody irate or on drugs. On person in particular walking down the block with no pants on. They were over weight too so the tummy blocked their nono place. Other than that nothing to weird in my tenure. Dargonite913

"psst, hey, Is there a guy in there?"

I was the person inside. I lived in a third floor apartment with a roommate. I had a gentleman friend who I'd recently started seeing romantically come over late at night and he wound up spending the night for the first time. We woke up that morning to some people on a ladder cleaning the gutters or something. They awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact and I think we just ignored them and rolled over and went back to sleep. But when they moved past my window to my roommates room, she, being curious if my gentleman caller and I had hooked up, asked they guy, "psst, hey, Is there a guy in there?" And said that he shifted his eyes side to side and did a quick nod with a straight face and then got back to cleaning and got the heck out of there. The way she described it cracked me up. foxyrain

The Procedure. 

Not a window cleaner, but my son was admitted to the hospital once. His room had a big window, and across from that window was another wing of the hospital. It was dusk, but there was a light on across the way so I looked. There was a medical team doing something to a woman. She was lying on her back, on a table, feet in stirrups, and knees spread. I could see "her" when the doctor (I'm assuming) moved from between her legs. He had a headlamp on, and there was one of those big surgical lights on over the table. The rest of the room was dark. After a moment or two of staring, one of the medical staff motioned, urgently, to the blinds, and they were then closed. I have no idea what happened after that. Clairenator

Itsy Bitsy Nothing...

The window cleaner commented on the huge spider on the inside of our office room window. He assumed it was caged in some way, but we explained how it's free, but stays on its web which spans the one meter width of the window recess.

Quite a few of us in the UK keep exotic spiders other than just tarantulas! Mine is a Nephila inaurata madagascariensis for anyone interested :)

Pics added by request of /u/86rpt

The larger spider (about 10 cm legspan) is mature, her tiny husband is just above her. Close-up of the egg sac she dropped a few nights ago, with distinctive yellow silk. El-rond

Subway Scenes...

I worked at subway a while back, and for some reason windows were just my duty, and I'm almost 100% certain I was the only one that ever actually cleaned them. Anyway...

Windows of our store over looked a busy intersection. Saw a dude speed through a red light while cars were still going through and miraculously there was no accident. A LOT of honking and people slamming their breaks, though. BeaDoodle

Peek A Boo Nasty...

This happened in Indonesia. I was staying at my mom's apartment and had a boy over. We were getting nasty and then window cleaner roll down on their lift thingy and saw us getting nasty. Worst part is I knew who they were because they happened to work around the apartment building. Imma_rage_quit_too

Still a Good Story. 

Once I was visiting New York with a friend. His uncle, a musician on Broadway had an apartment in Astoria that we crashed at and, as a thanks, we got him a bottle of Lagavulin. He duly poured us glasses and we sat there across his single long couch facing the window, drinking until pretty quick we noticed across the street and the next apartment up there was a girl dancing around naked, probably doing some kind of movie with her boyfriend. This goes on for a very short time before they notice us and immediately the lights of the apartment go dark. Immediately and in unison, we all raised our glasses of scotch to the dark apartment. The end. He keeps his windows VERY clean. Volcan_R

"Maintenance!" 

So, the company I work for is partnered with an apartment complex, where we clean all the windows in 2 buildings each month. We get there early in the morning to take all the screens out of the windows, and apparently the manager had forgotten to send out the emails telling people we'd be coming that day. I have a master key, so standard protocol is just to unlock the door and knock as I'm entering, then yell "maintenance!"

Well one apartment was particularly surprised at my entrance, and quickly spun around on his couch. He asked if I could just come back later and do his windows another day. I was confused, but realized why he was so started after I noticed the hoard of tissues, lotion and pillows on the coffee table in front of him. I don't think I ever actually went back to that apartment to do his windows. I wouldn't know what to say to him if I did. Cpt_Sideburns

Ka-Ching!

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I was doing metal work at the top of a major building in Atl and we had to use the same window cleaning platforms. When coming down for lunch one day we saw a huge conference table covered with MILLIONS of dollars. sti-guy

Good Show. 

Window cleaner here. I was up on a ladder doing an older single woman's house and happened to be at her bedroom window. She was in the process of getting out of the shower and was fully naked and bent over putting on her under wear and just happened to turn around to find me washing the window. (I may add this woman was in her early 50s and extremely good looking for a 50 something year old woman.) Anyways, she turns around and stood up.

She didn't freak out but closed her blinds and when I finished the job I knocked on the door to give her the bill and all she said to me was " I hope you enjoyed what you saw" with a little devious smile. To which I replied yes mam, thank you very much and took the check and went on my way. I do her house every six months now and we know each other on a first name basis lol. whydoweusethese

I was so mad. 

Not really weird but was really gross.

I work with kids and part of my job is cleaning, including wiping off the windows. I have cleaned off so many boogers, a lot of snot, sometimes blood, and a shit ton of sweat stains. Sometimes theres an imprint of someone's lips on there.

For something weird though I was once cleaning the outside of a window when a kid comes up to the window on the inside and starts watching me. probably about 6 or 7. After about 2 minutes, he promptly places his mouth on the glass and licks the window up and down, side to side, basically everywhere. Then for good measure he wiped his hands on it.

I had just finished the inside window. I was so mad. Classic-Problem

It's a Bird...

I don't clean windows but I imagine it's stuff like this:

When birds fly into windows...

(EDIT below)

My dad used to work in a tall glass building in Central London, often he'd hear loud thumps around the building. Turned out they were birds doing kamikaze attacks. KingJimXI

Tapped and Ready....

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When I was 19 I got a loosely supervised job for a local beer distributor cleaning the place. The first day my buddy and I started making our rounds: vacuuming, cleaning windows, that kind of crap. As we were making our way to the break room with the Kirby we realized on the other side of a massive conference room table there were about 8 kegs tapped and ready. Needless to say the place didn't get cleaned well enough for us to do it two nights in a row. saidin_handjob

Do you Mom. 

I work on a small team of only women. We usually only have like 3 people in the office on the weekends and we are on the third floor. My colleague decided to pump breast milk in her cubicle and just told us not to come over until she gave the okay. Not unusual. Right as she started pumping completely uncovered, a random window cleaner descended from above and she let out a shriek. I don't think he even noticed right away, but then we watched him quickly try to scurry away from the window. He never came back to clean those windows, lol. vivid23

Dude!

20th floor Toronto, I ran into a guy I got drunk with in Halifax a few times. We are both east coasters. He was washing the hotel windows, I was rolling a joint inside that window. we know each other by name. Our bands have played shows together. 75joking25serious

Blue.

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Not sure if this counts but i was doing my bathroom business.... then the window cleaner popped up out of the blue almost face to face. Noyesssss

Amused Much?

There was one time the people cleaned the windows of the office where I worked very early in the morning when no one was expecting it. The squeegee or brush thing hit the glass really loudly and everyone jumped, I half fell off my chair and one person spilled her coffee. I'm sure the guy was amused. Jack_ofMany_Trades

Nice Catch. 

There was this house I use to clean, front and back windows. Anyway they had an extension built on the side of their house and didn't want us climbing on the roof to get to the back in case we crack any of their tiles. The lady who lives there, must of been in her thirties, asked if it would be possible to carry the ladder through the house and into the back the next time hers was due to be cleaned. I agree.

Two weeks later I knock on after cleaning her front windows and she answers in nothing but a towel and she tells me that she was just about get in shower. I ask if she wants me leave until next time, but she says no come through.

So I awkwardly begin maneuvering my ladder through and manage make it into the kitchen, as I'm standing it becomes apparently obvious that her kitchen layout is to small for me to get the ladder through to the back door but she begins trying to help me. Which results in, what I'm sure you're expecting, her towel dropping.

She catches it in the nick of time before anything below the waist is revealed, to her credit it was good reflexes. JakLee8909

Stuffed Ark.

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I cleaned windows at a house stuffed with as many taxidermy animals they could fit. That was strange. Praeconium2501

In the Corner. 

When i was a cleaner there was a old lady who had me do her windows. In the corner of the window on her third floor was this massive tarantula that was completely loose and just chillin. When I told her about it she said her nephew was "supposed to fix her spider issue." Dosu_Kinuta

Dorm Days. 

In college, I worked all summer on the window cleaning crew for the university. The buildings were all older and we had to have two people working the spray pole from the ground and two people inside with towels ready to catch any water that leaked in from the spray.

Most of the dorms were empty so that was pretty uneventful but a number of the on-campus apartments were still occupied. One studio apartment was occupied by a hoarder. There was three feet of garbage with a path leading to the bed. The bed looked like someone had dumped a bucket of water on it due to how much grease and oil coved the sheet and the smell was unreal.

Another apartment had us paranoid the owner was going to come home and kill us all.

I like guns, but this guy was the sketchy kind of weapons enthusiast. Soldier of Fortune magazines littered the table along with empty 7.62x39 cardboard ammo boxes and walls decorated with various targets. In the middle of the kitchen table was a big novelty-sized hunting knife stuck point down in the table.

So we make our way upstairs and find a ton of seedlings and empty containers for what I'm assuming is an outdoor grow operation. All the windows have been blacked out with plastic and aluminum.

At that point, my coworker and I turn to each other and go "Welp... time to get the hell out of here."

We did turn the hoarder in to the residence admin, we did not turn in the militant gardner. Sea2Chi

I Frowned.

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One time when I was about 12-13, I woke up, opened the curtains to my window cleaner smiling at me. That man also used to talk to my mom about his piles every time he came round. galbertgriffstein

To the Rescue! 

I work as a window cleaner in Berlin, and once I saw a very attractive lady sitting in her bed having what looked like convulsions, I pulled my handy and was about to call the 911. Upon a second deeper look I realized she had her hands in her leggings and her eyes closed and was moving her back forward and back, a few seconds later I realized she was having an orgasm. It was amazing, Im glad I didn't fall.

I've been doing this for 5 years and I saw 7 ladies in such a position. I saw More men do that but thats not note worthy. icleanzewindow

Thanks for Dinner. 

When I was 13 - 16 I worked as a window washer, and we had contracts with a bunch of small businesses (coffee shops /bars). My favorite was the local Twin Peaks - think Hooters but hotter girls in skimpier outfits and better food. We would get there before it was open to customers, and the girls would always give me a burger and a beer before heading to the next spot. My boss bet me that I couldn't get a date with the bartender, and he said if I got her to go out with me he would pay for dinner. Dated her for 4 months before I left the state. theogdirtysanchez

It's a favorite memory. 

"I'm not a window cleaner" but once I was doing voter registration at 10am and my friend was upstairs and I was downstairs in an apartment complex. She passed an apartment window and saw a huge old tube TV blaring porn, which she relayed to me by humping the railing and gesticulating wildly. It's a favorite memory. troublesomefaux

SMAKCED!

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I was cleaning windows for this old couple in the apt building where I worked.

He's telling us how great is it when we come every spring. He loves when all the windows are out at once, it opens up the whole apt, the air flow, bla bla bla...

And, not that we don't do a great job, but these windows are old and no matter how good we clean... there's nothing quite like nothing between you and the outside.

And then he went to stick his head out to look down and squarely smacked his full face into the clean window.boogers19

Need Bread?

Not a Window cleaner

Friend of mine was washing windows on the 15th floor and had to go to the bathroom, opened a window to an apartment that should of been empty... ran into a guy sexing a jar of jelly. RedVeist

What Temp you at?

Not a window cleaner, graffiti writer. We were on the roof of an abandoned factory that had a row of houses behind it, You could see into 3rd floor apartment kitchen. The was a man completely naked standing at a stove cooking. Behind him was what I imagine to be some sort of dom. A woman in thigh high leather boots and bra standing there with a horse whip. We watched for a minute or two but nothing happened, just cooking. 9Sandwiches

The Master Corner. 

I worked for a window washing company until this incident, small town local company and we were hired to do the local gyms windows and mirrors. Anyways my co worker at the time said she would do the outside if I did the private "weights" room. I agreed and started cleaning, this room was just off of the main area and was slightly more private and I scrapped mess off of mirrors with scanty clad women engravings on them for about 4 hours before deciding there was too much and quit. Still refuse to go to that gym or look the gym owner in the eye. TheBatIsMe

Family.

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This guy who had cardboard standees of his family all through his house. texasspacejoey

Happy Holidays. 

I work events at hotels. Two stories come to mind. First one got off work and looked back at the hotel which was lit up for Christmas and saw a woman pushed up against the glass with her man right behind. They were only on the 3rd or 4th floor too.

Second thing was a recorded event in one of our panoramic event rooms. In the middle of one of the talks I looked up from my mixing board and saw a naked man standing in the hotel window across from us directly between the two speakers. I stood up and asked the camera man what their frame was and fortunately from their perspective the speakers head blocked out that particular window. 0RGASMIK

Bathroom Walk.

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I was dog sitting for a client in a lux high rise apart building and wasn't told window cleaners came by once a week. Got out of the shower and heard my phone ringing in the living room so I walked naked to get my phone. Picked up the phone and as I turned around, saw the window cleaner. I didn't know what to do so I smiled and waved. He gave me a thumbs up and I walked back to the bedroom and shut the door. jtothehello

Pest People. 

I do pest control, so I'm in every room of the house. I've been surprised with the amount of naked pictures of the parents in the master bedrooms. Maybe just turn those around when I come to the house. I've also been surprised with how many people answer the door in their underwear. waboobaleedoo

The Simple Things. 

My dad owns a windowing cleaning company that I worked at for years. We did mostly residential low rise homes/cottages. The one thing that was most surprising to me was the amount of couples that sleep in separate bedrooms.

Window cleaning tip - if you hire window cleaners please move your furniture away from the windows. I don't want to get it wet, move it or in some cases have to climb on it. arlene_8_

Too Much....

When I was a teenager, my mom hired this old German guy who had retired from commercial cleaning to residential washing windows. He was fun to talk to as he had some cool stories (he was a German soldier during WWII).

One afternoon, we were chatting and I commented that his job as a commercial cleaner must have been interesting (I didn't really think that, but I wanted to be polite). He said it was, except now and again, he'd see things he wasn't supposed to see. "Like what?" "Too many naked people... too many..." He wouldn't tell me more, but he didn't say it in a positive light. I still wonder about that now and again... wtf were people doing? LionCM

Hey Lady.....

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I am a consulting engineer working in building science and structural restoration. A number of years ago while working in Toronto at a 38-storey high rise, we (2 contractors and myself) were reviewing glazing and sealant bead and came down upon a window where a woman was grooming her bikini area.

We are always taught to see something inappropriate and look away. Apparently we looked so far away we missed the metal flashing lip of the next level down, our swing stage tilted one way and swung back and all three of us banged our heads into the lady's window. The glass didn't break but it sure scared the lady. strengr

 Super weird if you ask me.

Climbing up a ladder let's you see into a lot of rooms whether you like it or not. Also A LOT of people have skylights in their bathrooms. The weirdest thing I saw was a picture hanging in a customers bathroom. The photo was the customer (a woman) in sorta like BDSM Lingerie in the bucket of a tractor, doing some sorts of (sexual) pose. On the ground, in a cheering pose (hands up, smiling) was their child, maybe 4 or 5 years old, looking up at her. Super weird if you ask me. The_Indifferent

Glassed Out. 

Once I was doing this two story house, with big square plates of glass pretty much everywhere. The guy had every single painting on his walls covered with sheets, and absolutely would not allow us inside to get to the double hungs on the second floor. jbob172

All Smiles.

I only did the job for about 8 or 9 months but saw two unexpected things.

Got to the top of the ladder and saw a guy I know is a priest enjoying some porn. I scurried back down the ladder hoping he would hear me and then slowly went back up. He obviously had heard me because when I got back to the window he was standing up reading a bible.

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The other time I got to the top of the ladder and saw a woman in her 80s sitting on her bed completely naked. I was sure she saw me so I gave her a few minutes before going back to the window. When I get there she's sitting in exactly the same place, still naked, smiling at me. I got a job in an office soon after. patafla

I just knew....

A rotund lady pooping while i was doing high rise window cleaning. You don't expect to have to close the window when in the bathroom on the 12th floor.

How do I know she was pooping and not peeing?

I just knew.... I just knew. MtmJM

Moved on with my life.

I was at a boring industry black tie event at a posh hotel in London a few years back. Woke up very hungover on the 12th floor, stumbled to the window and pulled open the curtains. 2 blokes stood there staring at my fat naked self, they were on one of those tall building platform things. Took me a moment to understand what the hell was going on. Closed curtains. Moved on with my life. mfinleyv

She Cares Not. 

Not in the business anymore but I cleaned residential and commercial. The weirdest thing I ever saw was the wife of a famous actor had a bunch of naked portraits of herself around the house. Doing yoga, drinking coffee, stuff like that. She was sitting on the couch the whole time we were doing the windows like it ain't no thing. If she didn't care then neither did we. DestroyerOfWorlds831

The Barbs...

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I had a friend and she worked as a cleaner when she was ~15, 16...she saw her classmate making out with her barbie doll... sometypeofhumanhere

All Good Here. 

Didn't see anything strange per se.... but i did work on a few mansions, got to see the inside of the 1% homes.... pretty intense, huge theaters and stuff. I think the home was worth 20 million or something ridiculous?

Other than that my favorite was when cats would come up to the inside window while I was cleaning the outside, really made my day considering window washing is so monotonous and soul crushing. koffeekoala

Lovers.

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My (maternal) grandfather was a window washer in the 1930s. He saw my (eventual) grandmother on the other side of the glass. amjadpac

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