Washing windows for work is the closest a person can get to professionally becoming "a fly on the wall." Those guys must see everything.
A recent Reddit thread went straight to the source. The window cleaners of the internet were asked to share the most bizarre things they've ever witnessed on the job.
Biggest common theme of the thread? Sex and nudity. A LOT of different versions of both.
Of course, most of the people seen regretted being caught with whatever they were doing. (Most, but not all.) However, these window washer stories conveyed another encouraging truth: they're at work and they have very little interest in blabbing about what they just saw.
camelreiter asked, "Window cleaners of Reddit, what are your stories you witnessed on the job?"
The Naked Truce
"So I was on a ten story, early in the morning, first drop of the day. Top floor, naked man, nothing but a teal eye mask on, not my thing. Next floor, naked woman in her kitchen, 80, looked like a puppet out of a Genesis video. Also not my thing."
"About an hour or two later, elsewhere on the building, an older woman offers me some cookies out a window. I see that the initial woman is kinda hiding in the shadows."
"She felt bad about flashing me and went to her friend's apartment to give me cookies. That was a weird day."
"Never saw anything I particularly wanted to though."
Sabotage
"I worked retail and once a month a window cleaner lady would come in and clean the store windows. She told me that one time she was cleaning the windows from the inside of the Apple store and a man walks by and licks the outside part of the window she was cleaning."
"She was upset since she had already cleaned it and would have to clean it again, but responded by telling the man, "Good thing I haven't cleaned that side.' "
"The man got upset and went to look for a manager."
-- maytswizzle
The Pornographic Elephant in the Room
"I'm at this bank. I'm always doing the outside first then inside. Everyone usually pay us no attention but when they notice we are washing the outside window they shut down Facebook or amazon and open a blank spreadsheet."
"Not even a project just a blank spreadsheet."
"Anyway, usually when I cast a shadow or bang my wool brush against a window they look around and do the 'I was working I swear' dance, but I do this to the bank managers window and hes completely unphased. I think oh maybe hes actually doing work and thus unafraid.
"But then my squeegee comes around and I see what hes locked into."
"Clown porno."
"I now think 'oh please don't notice me now' then it happens. My squeegee jumps across the window and the manager looses it."
"He jumps up and hit both knees on the desk. He can't decide between nursing his legs or turning off the porn so left handed he's trying to turn it off. Minimizes and there's more videos."
"He looks back at me and tries to cover his face. He mashes the keyboard and now i can hear it through the window. He dives and pulls the chord and he just lays there."
"I move away continuing my work as I realize... I gotta go in there. I do the entire rest of the bank before this office. I prepare for the worst, an entitled angry response or a super awkward run out of the room."
"But he looks up, smiles, asks what he can do for me to day, (just here to get the windows), thanks me, looks at his watch and says hes got a meeting and leaves."
"It was crazy casual, and i get the dude had his kink and clearly comfortable with it, but the casualness was completely unnerving after watching a dude dive headfirst into his desk."
Not Seen, But Felt
"Not a window cleaner, but my mom used to work on the top floor of a 32 floor building and there were some window cleaners a couple of floors down. My mom heard alarms going off in the building suddenly and she didn't know what was happening but it seemed bad."
"A few hours later she found out that the wind was so bad that day that the window cleaners where getting thrown around and smashing into a bunch of windows."
"Apparently the videos on the news showed them being pulled 20 ft away from the building in the heavy winds and they were just hanging on for dear life."
"They thankfully were rescued and no one got hurt, but they promptly quit."
-- Shinynales
A Sudden Stage
"Not much of a story, but you see a lot of peen. Mostly on 'accident' but also plenty of exhibitionists out there. I do lots of work in a largely gay town (seriously, more gay couples than straight)."
"They love seeing us young working guys come do their windows, and I don't blame them. Some will often will schedule us nearly weekly."
"I really don't mind it as a straight man, I find it quite flattering really. Some creepos like to show off their stuff though, and along with that i've seen plenty of full frontal nude dude art hanging on walls and what not."
-- qtheginger
Cartoonish Office Drama
"I used to work during my high-school years for my uncle's company off hours as window cleaner. One late afternoon when most employees of that office building already left, I saw a rather escalating fist fight between two employees and a rather helpless women trying to intervene a broomstick."
"One of those unreal moments of disbelieve and relieve to be the window cleaner on the other side."
-- primea123
And a Thrill it was
"I worked mostly residential. Homes up to 3 stories or so, and small commercial places. I was doing the insides in a home working my way around and when I got to the master bathroom, the bathroom door was closed."
"Now, the homeowners were well aware that we were there and I lightly knocked on the door before going in. Hearing no response, I opened the door."
"And there he was in all his glory. 70ish year old man, naked as the day he was born except for having his head covered by his towel. He didn't hear my knock but he heard the door open and said something like 'is that you, honey?' thinking his wife had walked in."
"I was shocked and mumbled something like 'oh sorry' and quickly backed out. Ordinarily I worked from the door and went clockwise around the house but I went straight back to the front door to work counter-clockwise back to the master (giving him some time to get decent)."
"I told the wife that I had accidentally walked in on her husband as he was getting out of the shower and she was *tickled.* She told me he's deaf as a stump and probably had no idea, but she hoped I'd enjoyed my 'thrill' for the day."
-- legendariel
A Safe Haven Any Other Day
"I work on a small team of only women. We usually only have like 3 people in the office on the weekends and we are on the third floor."
"My colleague decided to pump breast milk in her cubicle and just told us not to come over until she gave the okay. Not unusual."
"Right as she started pumping completely uncovered, a random window cleaner descended from above and she let out a shriek. I don't think he even noticed right away, but then we watched him quickly try to scurry away from the window. He never came back to clean those windows, lol."
-- vivid23
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The Best Reasons Why You Shouldn't Argue With An Idiot
Reddit user Blaztwin asked: 'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." What's your best real life example of this?'
We've all found ourselves in a position where we simply couldn't contain ourselves and found ourselves putting someone in their place owing to something they said which was either wrong or just plain stupid.
When it comes to the latter category, though, it's often worth taking a minute to wonder if fighting that particular battle is even worth it.
As many people who are about to shoot down their current conversation partner might take a minute and really examine the person they're talking with before remembering the old saying: "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
Sadly, some people remember this conversation too late, and find themselves falling down a conversational rabbit hole from which they may never escape.
“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?
People Share Common Insults From Their Country That Don't Make Sense To The Rest Of The World
Rather than resorting to simple name-calling, many people will rack their brains for a clever insult that leaves their adversary speechless.
Of course, there are some fairly common insults that everyone knows and can keep in their back pocket when needed, also guaranteed to leave their conversation partner speechless as well.
Sometimes, however, they are not left speechless because they can't find a clever comeback to the insult just thrown at them, but rather because they have no idea what was just said to them.
Owing to the fact that this particular insult might be commonplace in another country, but makes no sense elsewhere, with it's meaning garbled, if there was any meaning left at all.
"What insults are common in your country but you think most of the world would not understand/ever use?"
An Insult, Or A Suggestion?
"South Korea has an insult that says 'The Han River is warm'."
"Doesn't mean much literally but it implies that it is a good day to jump off the bridge of the Han River because it is not too cold."- SnooTomatoes7746
Hard To Say Which Is Better... (Or Worse?)
"Most of the world uses "motherf*cker", which we do as well. But in India it's much more common to call someone sisterf*cker."- PhreedomPhighter
...A Lot Of People Do...
"You have a bird“- stan-twice
Is This Even An Insult?
"In Australia the biggest insult is 'Thanks Champ' or 'Cheers muscles'."- b7oke
Definitely A Word No One Wants To Hear...
"'Kanker' (cancer) is used as a swear word/Insult here."
"Example: "je kanker moeder" (your cancer mom/mother)."
"The Netherlands."- Co_caine_
Well, Not Everyone Wants To Be Stuck In There...
"Greeks use the word 'p*ssywipe' when sitting in a tavern over a meal with their kids around."
"Basically calling someone a tampon is common."- International-Cup143
Ladies Manufacturing GIF by SiemensGiphyDefinitely Lost In Translation
"Jy's 'n poes."- take_the_L_
"Schafseckel (Sheep ballsack, you)."
"Krummbohreds Arschloch (off centre drilled a**hole, you)."- HF_Martini6
If Not An Insult, It's A Darn Good Metaphor...
"Sh*t a hedgehog" most would probably understand but not use."- IntelligentGrocery79
GiphyFill In The Noun...
"'You're so pretty'."
"Said in a sweet, condescending voice means 'it's good that you're pretty because you just said something so stupid that it proves that you're dumber than a bag of hammers'."- TrailerParkPrepper
Ding Dong?
"Bellend."- YaMomsHouse22
There Are Worse Things To Be...
"In France they say 'your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberry' all the time to the English."- Cussec
Christmas Hamster GIF by MashableGiphyNot Out Of The Realm Of Possibility...
"your ma's yer da."- throwawaythro2020
Just Stay Out Of The Kitchen...
"F*ck your mum's onion."- Alexshere_Ro
Of course, having a strong insult that isn't so well known outside of your own country might work to your advantage.
For all they know, they could be thinking that you are paying them the most wonderful compliment.
Making everyone happy...
A natural part of work is the possibility of losing your job.
Sometimes, it's because the company is downsizing and needed to eliminate your position.
Other times, the company is losing money and needs to make lay offs.
And sometimes, the company specifically doesn't want you anymore, and they fire you.
Getting fired is always a big experience (though usually not a good one), but in some cases, the experience is more memorable. Reddit users have stories like that and are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor shittlebuffout asked:
"How did you get fired?"
Yikes!
"Little Ceasers."
"Mixing vodka and orange juice in the dough machine after close."
"1991."
– bardwick
Secret Shoppers
"Working as a cashier I missed a case of water underneath someone's cart and turns out they were a secret shopper or something... I had a couple days off and I came back to look at the schedule and was told I was fired"
– spiderman96
"A case of water is what, $4? They don't understand that it costs a lot more than $4 to replace an otherwise good employee? Even if you made that mistake once an hour indefinitely they still make absolute bank off your labour."
– quackerzdb
"I worked at Sam's Club for a couple of years as a cashier. Sometimes I had to work the exit door where I had to check peoples' receipts. It was surprising how much stuff was missed by the cashiers. AFAIK, no one was fired over any of it."
– imnotlouise
"I can resonate, I worked at a theme park and I was loved to one of those sh*tty pop up merch stands in kidsville. My shift finishes and someone comes over and asks to buy a drink. Till was already closed but they had kids so I obeyed and gave them a water. An undercover worker was near by and had me taken away to their theme park jail… over a water 😂"
– Particular_School190
So Little Time, Even Less To Do
"My first real job when I was 16 was at a burger joint. I watched an entire movie without pausing it during my shift, I was the only person there that day. Boss walked in as the movie was finishing and I had my feet up on the table. Came back a few days later to check the schedule and I wasn’t on it. Even more awkward because I was dating the boss’ daughter at the time."
– shittlebuffout
"I can relate. My last job was quality assurance position and when working in the receiving end it was a lot of waiting since I couldn't do anything until we actually got a truck in and someone unloaded it. Most of the time it was literally HOURS before anyone got around to unloading anything so I'd just be on my phone or something. But God forbid one of the auditors over me comes back and sees me. I could never get him to understand that since there were no trucks there was nothing to check. I'd offer to do work in another department until one came in but he didn't want me to do that either. He wanted me there waiting. With nothing to do. 🙄"
– AstalosMayhem
I Tell All
"I already had a new job lined up but it wasn’t starting for another 2 months so I was just trying to lay low and then give a 2 week notice. My old a**hole boss made one snarky comment too many and I couldn’t help myself. I put him on blast over some of his nefarious activities in front of our CEO. He fired me at the end of that week, but he was forced to retire a month later after everything I said was confirmed."
"I was a District Manager and we had this one customer that owed us a lot of money on change orders, but wouldn’t pay. My own boss was throwing up roadblocks preventing us from collecting. That seemed strange (obviously) so I did some digging and found out that the customer and my boss were old friends that went in together on some side business. Corporate hunting/fishing outfit or something like that."
"If this customer’s projects came in under budget, he would get large bonuses. He would sole source our company for all of his projects and always understate the scope. My boss would then stop me from collecting change orders. The guy would come in under budget, get his bonus, and use it to help fund their new business venture."
"I was willing to say “f*ck it I’m gone in 2 months anyway”, but the a**hole had the nerve to question my district’s revenue numbers on a conference call during a monthly P&L review, not knowing I knew what was going on. So I busted him and waited for the hammer to fall."
"I don’t know what happened to the customer, but the a**hole had enough time in that they let him “retire” instead of being fired."
"I’m not exactly proud of it but…oh who am I kidding, f*ck that guy."
– asimovsroomba
Never Show Weakness
"Threw up on my first day."
"I also don’t live in America. I live in the netherlands. And i was fired because apparently working @ a boat cafe isn’t for the weak."
"it wasn’t a mobile boat. that’s what makes it funnier."
– angelicdollface
Worth It
"Went to see Grateful Dead at RFK stadium in DC. I told the manager not to schedule me that weekend but he did anyway. Told him I wouldn't be there. When I returned Monday I was fired. Worth it."
"Funny thing is my wife (gf at the time) was also scheduled and went with me to the show. She wasn't fired - but she quit when she found out I was fired."
"Darryl's Restaurant in Raleigh, NC. - by the way they had some pretty good food."
– fleetber
Ooops!
"Gave a spectacular demonstration of the top-heavy nature of a UPS truck. Rave reviews from locals, as the roadway was scattered with hundreds of packages. Management was unimpressed and suggested a different career."
– pullin2
"UPSiedaisy"
– salimeero
Ending Up Glad
"I took on a role that was not fit for me. It was my second job as a software developer, and the role was dev #2 at an early stage startup. As in, the entire dev team was me and another engineer."
"Startup life can vary greatly, but this was a financial tech firm near Wall Street. To say that it’s a lot of responsibility is an understatement. There’s no such thing as saying “that’s not my job” or “I don’t know how to do that”. If the company needs it, you have to do it."
"It was a good learning experience because I was pushed very far outside of my comfort zone, but it also gave me crippling anxiety and I got burnt out. I made a bunch of mistakes and was eventually fired over it. The job was so hard that I was actually relieved to get fired."
– tenaciousDaniel
Fresh Food
"Was working in McDonalds two years ago. I was the dude who was responsible of the fries. One evening this dude comes in asking for a regular order of a burger and fries. We serve him accordingly. Next morning he comes in screaming about how the fries he ordered yesterday were soggy and demanded to speak to me. By the state of him and his face he had clearly been drinking the night before."
"I went up to him and he started screaming at me, I started by apologising but then after him screaming at me for 10 mins I started defending the fries I had made. He said “Do you think I am lying just to get a refund, I just had the fries before coming here and they were soggy.""
"One of the other staff members who was working the till recognised him from the night before. Turns out he had left the fries in his car the whole night while he was out drinking and still expected them to be fresh and crispy the next morning. I lost it and kicked him out."
"Two hours later the owner of that franchise comes in and fires me for kicking his NEPHEW out of the place. All the other staff members were on my side but he threatened fire them as well if they had a problem with his decision. The place closed down because they couldn’t find people to work there as the owner kept firing people for petty reasons"
– kingbatuk013
"This reminds me of egg guy. I used to work at a little diner, and every Sunday this old guy would come in and get scrambled eggs to go. And every Sunday, about 3 hours later, he would cone back with the old eggs and ask for fresh ones. We always made them because there was clearly something not right with him. I explained a few times to just come and buy the eggs later, we serve breakfast all day, but he still did this."
– SmudgeZelda
Don't Want You Here
"Pretty sure they were just wanting to get rid of me. I was working at a meat market/deli store and I was called on my phone after work hours by the owner to tell me he was letting me go because I upset a customer that day."
"It was Saturday which were just half days but incredibly busy. An older man and his wife had ordered something chicken so I wrapped it up, priced it, and gave it to them to take to the register. Well he tells me he wanted the breaded chicken whatever. I say, oh sorry she didn't specify breaded but I'll get you the correct chicken. I unwrapped what I gave them and put it back in the case, throw away the wrapping paper and do it all quickly because there were people waiting in line."
"So I get the breaded chicken wrapped and priced and hand it back to them. The wife asks is this the chicken whatever and I say it's the breaded chicken whatever. I swear I didn't say it with nasty tone just affirming that it was breaded. Well the husband gave me a dirty look and they leave."
"Well the owner calls me later that evening to fire me because he was pals with that old guy. I file unemployment, the owner fights and I guess he tells the agent what he thinks happened because when the agent called me. I was telling him my side and the agent tells me, "Well the owner said you did this thing and that," and I tell the agent the owner wasn't even there that day and him and that customer were friends. I think that sealed it in my favor because I got approved."
– Glass_Chance9800
Work places can be so unfair!
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
We all... could be a Dateline NBC villain.
Life pushes us.
Of course, there are also times when accidents happen and we prove life is fragile.
One never knows what actions they will one day be responsible for.
More deep breaths should be taken.
Redditor BBQPancake wanted to hear about the times people almost let the devil win, so they asked:
"What was the closest you've gotten to killing someone?"
Everytime someone CHOOSES not to use a turn signal, I roll the dice if this is the moment.
No Hazards
lauren conrad car GIF by The HillsGiphy"Dude was changing his tire on the side of the freeway about half past midnight, dressed in dark clothes, no hazards on, and sitting halfway into the right lane. Almost splattered that dude."
Flooded_Strand
Totally Weird Experience
"11:30 pm Remote country road with no streetlights. There’s a tiny traffic island in the middle of the road and I see what looks like a slightly different-colored silhouette standing there. By all rights, I should not have seen him there but something in my brain clicked and swore there was a figure standing there so I slammed on my brakes as the figure jumped out in front of me, car stopped about 2m away."
"He smiled really sinisterly and started walking towards the car, I reversed and made to move around him slowly and he jumped in front again, I managed to drive on the wrong side of the road to escape him."
"A minute down the road I stop to flash my lights at every passing car to warn them and I sh*t you not the second car that passed was a cop and I explained what happened. I circled back a minute later and saw the dude on the side of the road in cuffs. Totally weird experience."
HeyMrCow
SLAM!
"When I passed my driving test many years ago, I asked the instructor if he had any advice for a new driver. He warned me that if I ever saw a ball roll into the street to immediately hit the brakes because there was a good chance a kid will follow. I never forgot that and have religiously followed it ever since."
"A couple of years ago I was driving down a residential street and it happened again and something in my mind told me to SLAM on my brakes and so I did. I came to a stop just feet from a really little kid who was completely frozen in terror."
"That driving instructor is probably dead of old age by now, but wherever he is, I hope he understands that he saved that little kid's life and saved me a lifetime of guilt and heartache."
MaybeADumbass
The potatoes were stuck
"Pneumatic potato cannon. My friends and I were shooting it in my backyard. Must have launched off dozens of potatoes at this point. We decided to stuff 3 potatoes in the barrel. When we open the valve to shoot it nothing happened. We were sitting around 60 psi and had no launch."
"The potatoes were stuck. My friend went to look down the barrel. I saw what was going to happen and lifted the back forcing the barrel into the ground. At that time the potatoes shot out and left a small crater in the ground."
ELONGATEDSNAIL
I Shudder
shooting breaking glass GIF by PhazedGiphy"I was fermenting homemade kombucha in a tightly closed bottle. Which I forgot to burp. One day a bottle exploded, while my mother-in-law was in the kitchen. Luckily, she was far from the bottle at the moment and got only a scratch on her hand, but we had to dislodge glass shards from the walls. I still shudder from a thought of what would happen if she were closer."
nazanar
Closed bottles and pressure, that is a toxic mess.
Take shelter.
Avengers Unite
the avengers GIFGiphy"Every time I drive in Sydney on a weekend 4000 people either wanna walk out into traffic without looking or cycle onto main roads without pausing or merge into my lane without indicating/checking. By staying in defensive driving mode I've saved more lives than the Avengers."
RGH81
6 Inches
"Was on a film set working when a mentally unstable person with a knife approached me and another crew member."
"Was forced to take a swing at him with a gobo arm (it's essentially a metal rod with a metal knuckle on the end of it). Swung hard enough that if it connected, would have caved in this dude's temple."
"Just missed, and it coming so close must have jolted the guy back to reality and he took off. So closest I came to killing someone was about 6 inches."
Ringlovo
A Few feet from the Girl
"Used to work a delivery job. One afternoon, I'm driving back to work in the old POS delivery van and some girl bolts across the road (presumably to catch a bus that had pulled over up ahead)."
"Slammed on the brakes and came to a sliding stop completely sideways in the middle of the road no more than 2 or 3 feet from the girl. I still think about it sometimes, it was a heavy old Ford van, with no ABS. If I'd been speeding even slightly I think I would've hit her."
ZatyDaddy
Madre de Dios
"Driving a loaded truck, probably about 10,000 lb or so, at the speed limit. Traffic in the oncoming lane is at a standstill. Some [censored] decided he was too important to wait with everyone else and pulls out, face to face with me, at very short range. I swerved hard right, didn't really expect to miss him but somehow did."
"Then swerved hard left to avoid the people on the sidewalk, somehow missed them too. Didn't think you could make a truck do that. Apparently, my passenger (the owner of the truck I was driving for) didn't think it was possible either. I learned some new swear words in Spanish and what sounded like the prayer of thanks to Madre de Dios."
philzar
Fired
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"High school friend's dad wanted to teach us how to shoot. Went to the range and when he wasn't looking I grabbed the pistol and tried the John Woo sideways grip shot. It flew out of my hand and the bullet ricocheted off the side wall. That was my last time to ever fire a gun."
eguez780
We really need to be vigilant.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.