You wouldn't want photos of your own wedding? Well....to each their own, I suppose, but making a secretive decision at your own wedding is pretty much a nail in the coffin of partnership.
u/camerashywife told us the story:
My wife (24F) paid our wedding photographer extra to not take any photos of her. We just got the photos back and I (25M) am so angry and hurt.
My wife has always been camera shy. When we first started dating she would delete any photograph I took of her. After a few years (we've been together 6 years total) she permitted a few if no one else saw them. She doesn't have any social media accounts either.
We got married two weeks ago. We had a very small wedding and no honeymoon, but the wedding was really nice. My wife looked absolutely beautiful and happy. She doesn't really dress up and this was the first time I had even seen her in a dress, so it was a welcome surprise.
The wedding photographer was a friend of hers, so she handled hiring him. We both agreed that we wanted candids instead of posed photos, so we told him to just take candids. When we got the photos earlier this week, they were great, but none of them had her in them.
She confessed that she paid him extra not to photograph her. She didn't want to worry about someone taking pictures of her on her special day.
Our families are asking for wedding pictures and I don't know what to tell them. Also, I'm really mad myself and I can't seem to let this go, even though it's been a couple days. What do I do?
My wife apologized for hurting my feelings, but she doesn't really understand how upset this made me. I wanted a picture of my wife to remember how she looked on that special day. Is that too much to ask?
tl;dr: My wife paid the wedding photographer extra to not take pictures of her. We got the photos back, and there's no bride. I'm so angry and I can't let this go, and our families want copies of the pictures. What do I do?
Here were some answers.
One
GiphyYeah, dude my Mom was like that too. She yelled at me as a kid of I tried to get a picture of her at Christmas or whatever...it sucked. Now I'm 40 and she's been dead for 6 years, I literally have 3 pictures of her, 1 being her Senior picture from high school, 1 that I managed to sneak (which isn't good, and she would have made me destroy, and 1 of her in her work uniform.
This is a symptom of a much larger problem. Mainly her total lack of self-esteem. She used to make me cut her hair because hair dressers were for "pretty people". Trust me, no matter how often she complimented, her body issues rubbed off. Get her into therapy, before you have kids.
Two
GiphyIf your wife's photographer friend is a professional, he might've ignored her requests as a precaution and taken pictures of her anyway, but just didn't send them to you. Before you spend lots of money trying to recreate the night for new photos, make sure you call him up and talk to him on your own.
In the case that you do have to recreate them, I really don't see the shame in it. What your wife did was super selfish, but once you're able to get through the relationship issue here (everyone else seems to be posting good advice on that), you'll still appreciate remade ones for the rest of your life.
Three
GiphyDid the photographer give you ALL the photos or just ones he knew she wanted to see? If I was in the photographers shoes I would have taken some of her anyway. Especially if the idea was having candid photos. I think they wouldn't have had too much trouble sneaking in a few of her, especially if this guy is a friend I would hope he'd realize the mistake she was making and get some "just in case she regrets this" shots.
Contact the photographer before you book another shoot and see if he did take a few on the sly.
And while I agree that you're wife should speak to a counselor I also think you guys should try and work on your communication together. You should approach her and say "I understand why you feel this way but I wish we could have talked about it before the wedding" or something like that. Don't get mad at her, just use this as a learning experience for both of you. Clearly she has self image issues and you can reassure her you want to help her feel as beautiful as you know she is but she also needs to be more open with you when she's feeling insecure about something. Because this isn't a little thing, this was your wedding day. Even if you recreate the photos it won't be quite the same.
I can understand how your wife feels. While I am not self conscious to that degree, I always get bummed when I see myself in pictures. It's really awful how we tend to pick ourselves apart. We really can be our own worst enemies. Pictures aside, I really hope she can get some help. She's got to learn to love herself and let me tell you why; she might someday regret all of the time and energy she put into hating herself, especially if her self esteem gets lower. I say this as a woman who spent my entire teenage years hating what I saw in the mirror. At 130lbs I thought I was fat, 140, 150, 160, 170, 180, 190, 200... Fat fat fat fat fat. The whole time. When I tipped over 200 I had my breaking point and started making changes. I'm down to 185 right now and while I still think I'm fat, I know it's getting better. But here's where the regret comes in. I look at old pictures. Pictures of me at 150 and remember how much time and energy I wasted sucking in my gut and worrying about how fat I was. I look back now and think "damn I looked great, I'm 35lbs bigger now. Why the f--- did I think I was fat?" I should have enjoyed that time. When we love ourselves we take better care of ourselves. I'm still working on the self love thing (it's not easy, I don't know if it ever will be) but I will never spend so much time and energy on self hate as I used to. It's not worth it.
I wish the both of you the best. :) <3
Four
GiphyYour wife isn't 'camera shy' - she has a severe self esteem issue or a complete phobia or people paying attention to her. It's obvious that she feels she literally cannot relax or enjoy herself at all when there's a possibility of her being photographed.
So Step 1 - get your wife into therapy. She'll say it's fine, it's not a big issue, but it is. You'll want photos when you're older.
Step 2 - give the family the photos they want. They should still get to see the other photos, and when they ask about her presence in them, she must be very clear about why she isn't there.
Five
GiphyI'm camera shy, but I will suck it up and and have photos taken of me. I tend to oblige a few shots, and then tell whoever is snapping to go away. That way, both are satisfied.
When I was a bridesmaid for a friend, there were TONS of photos of me. But we bridesmaids looked amazing, so that was ok.
This is beyond camera shy, there is something way more serious going on here...
Six
GiphyHey I can give perspective as someone who is very camera shy. She sounds a lot like me. Having my photo taken by people other than myself fills me with dread. I'm incredibly self conscious about my appearance and I'm not photogenic so nearly every single picture taken of me I hate.
Now hating pictures of you is one thing but I have literally had panic attacks and burst into tears after seeing unflattering pictures of me. It can ruin my entire week. Obviously this isn't rational and clearly I have deep issues but that doesn't make my feelings on the matter stupid as many people think.
If your wife is anything like me, she's probably extremely self conscious and it probably hurts to see unflattering photos of herself. Now put that into context: it's her wedding, a day she wants to remember fondly. Most people should be able to look back on their wedding photos and feel happy but if she's looking back on unflattering photos or even photos she just doesn't like, for someone who is already camera shy that's gonna make her feel like sh*t about herself and if she's like me, she'll obsess over how bad she thinks she looks.
If I hated the photos taken on my wedding day, every time I think about my wedding I'd be reminded of how awful I think I looked. Your wife might have completely different reasons to not want her pictures taken on that day but it's likely she feels the same as me. I understand you're angry and hurt but I'm guessing she did that to avoid all the awful feelings that come with hating photos of yourself. She needs help if this is the case and she needs your support. She's probably really upset that she has no photos of herself on one of the best days of her life but you've got to think that if she would rather have no photos of herself on her wedding day than deal with seeing photo's that she hates, her feelings on the matter must be really strong.
Seven
GiphyThis is something your wife should have spoken to you about and the fact that she lied to you is not okay. However, as someone with crippling BDD and self-esteem issues I can understand your wife's reluctance to have pictures taken. If I see photos of myself that others have taken I have panic attacks and cry. I've hurt myself over pictures before and my recovery from self-esteem issues has been greatly damaged by viewing photos of myself that have been taken by others. In fact, my anxiety about appearing in photographs is so intense that I worry that I will be unable to marry my SO at all because I literally cannot cope with having my picture taken and being the focus of attention at something like my own wedding is my worst nightmare.
This being said, I am aware that this is not healthy and I'm seeking help. Your wife needs to do the same. By lying about this instead of speaking to you about it and managing to come to some sort of agreement (for example a few pictures of you both on the day under circumstances that would make her the least uncomfortable) your wife has broken your trust. I think you need to speak to her about how much this has hurt you and encourage her to seek help for these issues as they wont get better otherwise.
Eight
GiphyI feel a little sad for your wife (and you, of course). It seems like having her photo taken is a big source of anxiety for her, and maybe this was her way of making sure she could enjoy her day without having to worry about it. However, it's completely understandable that you're disappointed not to have any pictures of her from the day, and to be upset that she did this without letting you know. I think it's worth talking to her about it again and exploring her reasons and what she thinks about her appearance.
It's definitely not too much to ask your wife for a picture of her on her wedding day, but if her worry about being photographed is so severe that she can't even allow that then maybe there's something serious going on with her self-image.
Nine
GiphyI find it odd that a wedding photographer would agree to this - even a friend and getting paid extra. It besmirches their product.
If it's that bad that you don't want pictures of you on your wedding, it sounds like your wife might do well to talk to a therapist. Lots of people are camera shy, but I've never heard of anything this extreme.
Ten
GiphyOPs wife:
A) Has severe psychological issues
B) Is running from a specific something for a long time now
C) Is a vampire
Best of luck Op
As the saying goes, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Nonetheless, several brands and businesses will sometimes make noticeable changes, be it to reach a wider audience, or simply to shake things up a bit.
In some cases, the effort pays off, like Dunkin' Donuts, who decided to stretch beyond simply selling doughnuts and coffee, eventually even dropping the "Donuts" from their name, but losing none of their popularity.
Other times, things don't go as smoothly, such as when IHOP (an acronym for the International House of Pancakes) temporarily changed its name to IHOB (International House of Burgers), which turned out to be nothing but a weeklong publicity stunt, but was met with anger and vitriol from it's fanbase during that controversial week.
Redditor Fflewddur_Fflam_ was curious to hear what other brands the Reddit community thought betrayed their core audience to disastrous results, leading them to ask:
"Who abandoned their core audience and paid the price for it?"
Humans Are Technically Animals...
"Animal Planet."
"Their tagline became 'surprisingly human.'"
"Nobody wants to watch ANIMAL Planet for people."
"They have other channels."- rainbirdmelody
You Could Say Their Mission Slipped Through The "Cracks"...
"Cracked.com."
"There were a couple years there where they transformed from a second rate Mad knockoff to some of the smartest, funniest stuff on the internet."
"Then the people who held the purse strings decided listicles and photoshop contests were more profitable than a writing staff."- MichaelMyersResple
"StumbleUpon."
"It was a small website giving you randomized internet pages which I used to browse for hours as they were so fun."
"Now it turned into Mix and I have no clue what it is."
"Pretty sure no one uses it and it makes me sad."- MightyDaisy
Working On It GIF by KAT BALLGiphyLess Handcrafted, More Hand-Me-Down
"Etsy."
'Used to be a fairly cool place to buy and sell mostly handcrafted stuff and items to make handcrafted stuff."
"Now it's basically shady Amazon with worse shipping."
"Everyone seems to be drop shippers and a lot of the more niche crafter/artisan things are pushed out and overwhelmed by cheaper, mass produced goods."- THIS_IS_MY_JOYSTICK
The Dreaded Paywall...
"Photobucket!"
"Back when forums were still a thing, Photobucket would host your images for free."
"Then one day they decided EVERYONE would have to pay monthly, no free tier, nothing."
"We all collectively agreed we would not be paying, and that was that."
"I feel like it may have contributed to the death of forums."
"Ruined a few of my car build threads, that's for sure."
"To this day they still send me emails a couple times a year threatening to delete all my photos if I don't come back."-pr0b0ner
Arguably, All For The Best?...
"Yik Yak."
"It was a way to have conversations with people in the area anonymously (really popular on college campuses)."
"They made an update to create user profiles and pretty much everyone just stopped using it because anonymity was the whole point."- Fakjbf
episode 16 moe GIFGiphyChocolate Lovers Revolt!
"This is incredibly niche, but in Norway there used to be two providers of chocolate powder, the kind you mix with hot or cold milk to make hot chocolate or chocolate milk."
"They were O'Boy brand and Nesquik, equally loved and enjoyed a healthy fanbase 'rivalry'."
"O'Boy is a Swedish product sold in Scandinavia and the Baltics since the 50s, Nesquik is of course Nestlé brand and sold all over the world."
"Sometime in the 2010s Nesquik decided to change the formula of the choco powder."
"I imagine to save money."
"And for making hot chocolate the new recipe was fine."
"What Nestlé underestimated, however, is that most Scandinavians drink their choco powder cold to make chocolate milk."
"The new recipe had a different type of sugar in it that wouldn't dissolve in cold milk, leaving a crunchy powder in the milk."
"Norwegians outraged, Nesquik was deemed useless, nearly everyone in the Nesquik camp migrated to O'Boy, and Nestlé lost almost all its market share overnight."
"A few months later, Nesquik is gone from the shelves nearly everywhere, never to recover from the blunder."- -Yngin-
Tornados Filled With Sharks Are Not For Everyone...
"Sci-Fi Channel."
"At some point there was no sci-fi on it."- AlienBeingMe
Tara Reid Storm GIF by SYFYGiphyNot Everyone Can Keep Up With The Times...
"RadioShack."
"They went from selling electronic components, little gadgets, and interesting tech bobbles to nerds to trying to sell expensive cell phone plans and sh*tty batteries to a different audience."
"We saw that the customers who came to RadioShack shifted from middle/upper-income engineers and tech geeks to lower income people in a six year period."
"Then we saw the geeks stop coming in at all because they would come in for some capacitor or breadboard, and the person there wouldn't know what that was."
"If it wasn't a phone, they didn't know."
"Even if it was a phone, they probably couldn't tell you anything about it."
"Old RadioShack employees were knowledgeable and well paid."
"New RadioShack employees didn't give a sh*t about technology."- 001235
Seems FittingThat Their Old Audience Is "History"...
"Anyone else remember when The History Channel was about history and not about aliens?"- rienjabura
Found Footage Video GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphyThere's A Reason They're Not So Well Known For Their Food...
"Every restaurant that opens in the UK goes through the cycle:"
"New and interesting food."
"Very different from most British food."
"Becomes very popular."
"Owners sell to a large company."
"Large company decides that being popular isn't enough, they want everybody to eat there."
"Make the food more British."
"Looming failure is hidden for a while because they attract new customers at exactly the rate they lose old customers."
"New customers have tried it, realize they can get that food anywhere, stop going."
"Chain closes and is replaced by a Greggs or Nandos, depending on the size of the location (not dependent on how far away the nearest Greggs or Nandos is."- skztr
Money Doesn't Solve Everything
"Quora."
"There were excellent groups with intelligent discussions."
"Then it became monetized and people submitted 100s of questions a day."
"'What time does the Walmart close in Boise?'" "
"'My 16 yr old came home with an A- so I took away their phone for 6 months'."- JanuarySoCold
Bored Sales GIF by EGiphySuccess can be a very dangerous thing.
As it can make you think about nothing but getting bigger, often resulting in your leaving people behind along the way.
A cautionary tale for young entrepreneurs.
What makes someone a 10?
It ain't all about looks, baby.
Looks are fine.
But charisma is everything.
There are a ton of ingredients that make up attractive, though.
That's why it's good to know your strengths.
Redditor Overall_Wish_912 wanted to hear about how hot everybody thinks they are and why, so they asked:
"What is the most attractive thing about you?"
I think my eyes sell the whole package.
Light blue with a slight dusting of gold.
Connections
Yoga Anatomy GIF by YOGABODYGiphy"More than a few radiologists over the years have told me I have nice connective tissues, ligaments in particular. Makes a fella kinda proud."
Southern_Snowshoe
Lashed
"I have exceptionally long and beautiful eyelashes. I’m working on my flutter. I’m also a guy."
bleepbloopmunchmunch
"I get complimented on my eyelashes too as a guy! Women often tell me they’re jealous. I never had a clue that was something women noticed until I reached college/university."
EasterButterfly
"I started getting compliments in high school. I remember freshman year, I was sitting at a round table and this really cute girl at the table just randomly asked me to close my eyes. I thought it was weird, but I did. Then she told her equally cute friend to look at my eyelashes, that they were so long and pretty like a girl's. At the time I wasn't sure if they were being nice or making fun of me (since they compared them to girl's lashes). I now get the compliment, though, and appreciate it."
DesertRat012
Beauty
"I'm not totally hideous, but easily the most attractive thing about me is my kindness. I hear all the time that people are just magically drawn to me/feel comfortable with me/like being around me. I'm charming, I guess."
StrangersWithAndi
"That’s such a good quality."
Overall_Wish_912
Look Up
"I'm 6'2 and the internet tells me that's like the most incredible and attractive thing ever apparently."
ConflictFast8743
"I’m 6’6 and wish I was shorter. My long-term girlfriend tells me I get checked out all the time but I literally never notice, I’d give up all the attention if it meant I’d never hit my head on a doorframe again."
CaptainLongshorts
"I'm only 6', but a woman and I have a 36' inseam. I love having long legs, they walk so fast and are my favorite physical feature!"
abqkat
Light as a Feather
the office therapy GIFGiphy"My therapist said I’m a good egg, so there’s that."
CheddarBurgers
"Mine told me she never feels heavy when I leave her office. We’ve talked about some heavy sh*t so I took it as a compliment."
random_username3184
Not being the scariest and worst patient is definitely a gold star moment for the mind.
Perfect
Regular Season Sport GIF by MLBGiphy"I’ve been told I have the most perfectly shaped head for a bald man."
KilnMeSmallz
"My dermatologist recently told me I had a great shaped head if I were to ever shave my hair off. It really got me thinking."
Weeziir
For the Boys
"The only attractive thing about me is my hair. Even that is debatable since most women don't like men with long hair."
SlayzorHunter
"Haha for me it’s my bald head! I look a million times better without hair than with it even when my hairline wasn’t balding that bad. I think the pics of me at 28-30 I look better than my 18-25 pics."
OkSwitch470
"Some men just have the cranial and facial structures that make them look better with bald head. I shave my head every 3 years, so I know how I look with every single hair length there is. It only starts looking decent after at least 9 months of growth."
SlayzorHunter
Share With Me
"I'm very nonjudgemental; it's amazing the things people will share with me!"
PeterGivenbless
"Same. I've had people share some pretty personal things with me soon after meeting them."
Krissyfox_7
"Yup, same. I have 'tell me all your secrets' stamped on my forehead. I do like it, though. Nice to get to know who people actually are and what they’ve been through, as opposed to the robotic small talk. Makes me happy that people see me as a 'safe' person."
East_Satisfaction242
Streaks
"I have bright blue eyes that get me plenty of compliments. The only other thing that gets close is my beard, and now especially the silver streaks lacing it."
fuqaduck
"The Silver helps. I was accused of dying it to look more dignified by a coworker, which was puzzling. Not quite a compliment, but compliment adjacent I guess."
604Ataraxia
The Nuzzle
"My long nose, it’s perfect for nuzzling the bean while dining out 🤤."
sussyboingus
"I had an out-of-the-blue compliment about my nose. A woman approached me and said I had an envied Roman nose. Noticing my confusion, she explained she was an art historian, and my nose was in the mold of Roman marble statutes. I've never heard another compliment about my nose, so who knows."
TWH_PDX
The Body
The Simpsons Dance GIFGiphy"I’m short but I have a very nice figure. I get complimented for my butt a lot. I’m 5’2." I like attention so I don’t mind the compliments for the most part. I don’t get bothered by that as easily as some people do. But I have no respect for men that complement my body when they’re in relationships."
DrWiskers
Well, there are a lot of definitions for attractive.
Thank goodness.
