You wouldn't want photos of your own wedding? Well....to each their own, I suppose, but making a secretive decision at your own wedding is pretty much a nail in the coffin of partnership.
u/camerashywife told us the story:
My wife (24F) paid our wedding photographer extra to not take any photos of her. We just got the photos back and I (25M) am so angry and hurt.
My wife has always been camera shy. When we first started dating she would delete any photograph I took of her. After a few years (we've been together 6 years total) she permitted a few if no one else saw them. She doesn't have any social media accounts either.
We got married two weeks ago. We had a very small wedding and no honeymoon, but the wedding was really nice. My wife looked absolutely beautiful and happy. She doesn't really dress up and this was the first time I had even seen her in a dress, so it was a welcome surprise.
The wedding photographer was a friend of hers, so she handled hiring him. We both agreed that we wanted candids instead of posed photos, so we told him to just take candids. When we got the photos earlier this week, they were great, but none of them had her in them.
She confessed that she paid him extra not to photograph her. She didn't want to worry about someone taking pictures of her on her special day.
Our families are asking for wedding pictures and I don't know what to tell them. Also, I'm really mad myself and I can't seem to let this go, even though it's been a couple days. What do I do?
My wife apologized for hurting my feelings, but she doesn't really understand how upset this made me. I wanted a picture of my wife to remember how she looked on that special day. Is that too much to ask?
tl;dr: My wife paid the wedding photographer extra to not take pictures of her. We got the photos back, and there's no bride. I'm so angry and I can't let this go, and our families want copies of the pictures. What do I do?
Here were some answers.
Yeah, dude my Mom was like that too. She yelled at me as a kid of I tried to get a picture of her at Christmas or whatever...it sucked. Now I'm 40 and she's been dead for 6 years, I literally have 3 pictures of her, 1 being her Senior picture from high school, 1 that I managed to sneak (which isn't good, and she would have made me destroy, and 1 of her in her work uniform.
This is a symptom of a much larger problem. Mainly her total lack of self-esteem. She used to make me cut her hair because hair dressers were for "pretty people". Trust me, no matter how often she complimented, her body issues rubbed off. Get her into therapy, before you have kids.
If your wife's photographer friend is a professional, he might've ignored her requests as a precaution and taken pictures of her anyway, but just didn't send them to you. Before you spend lots of money trying to recreate the night for new photos, make sure you call him up and talk to him on your own.
In the case that you do have to recreate them, I really don't see the shame in it. What your wife did was super selfish, but once you're able to get through the relationship issue here (everyone else seems to be posting good advice on that), you'll still appreciate remade ones for the rest of your life.
Did the photographer give you ALL the photos or just ones he knew she wanted to see? If I was in the photographers shoes I would have taken some of her anyway. Especially if the idea was having candid photos. I think they wouldn't have had too much trouble sneaking in a few of her, especially if this guy is a friend I would hope he'd realize the mistake she was making and get some "just in case she regrets this" shots.
Contact the photographer before you book another shoot and see if he did take a few on the sly.
And while I agree that you're wife should speak to a counselor I also think you guys should try and work on your communication together. You should approach her and say "I understand why you feel this way but I wish we could have talked about it before the wedding" or something like that. Don't get mad at her, just use this as a learning experience for both of you. Clearly she has self image issues and you can reassure her you want to help her feel as beautiful as you know she is but she also needs to be more open with you when she's feeling insecure about something. Because this isn't a little thing, this was your wedding day. Even if you recreate the photos it won't be quite the same.
I can understand how your wife feels. While I am not self conscious to that degree, I always get bummed when I see myself in pictures. It's really awful how we tend to pick ourselves apart. We really can be our own worst enemies. Pictures aside, I really hope she can get some help. She's got to learn to love herself and let me tell you why; she might someday regret all of the time and energy she put into hating herself, especially if her self esteem gets lower. I say this as a woman who spent my entire teenage years hating what I saw in the mirror. At 130lbs I thought I was fat, 140, 150, 160, 170, 180, 190, 200... Fat fat fat fat fat. The whole time. When I tipped over 200 I had my breaking point and started making changes. I'm down to 185 right now and while I still think I'm fat, I know it's getting better. But here's where the regret comes in. I look at old pictures. Pictures of me at 150 and remember how much time and energy I wasted sucking in my gut and worrying about how fat I was. I look back now and think "damn I looked great, I'm 35lbs bigger now. Why the f--- did I think I was fat?" I should have enjoyed that time. When we love ourselves we take better care of ourselves. I'm still working on the self love thing (it's not easy, I don't know if it ever will be) but I will never spend so much time and energy on self hate as I used to. It's not worth it.
I wish the both of you the best. :) <3
Your wife isn't 'camera shy' - she has a severe self esteem issue or a complete phobia or people paying attention to her. It's obvious that she feels she literally cannot relax or enjoy herself at all when there's a possibility of her being photographed.
So Step 1 - get your wife into therapy. She'll say it's fine, it's not a big issue, but it is. You'll want photos when you're older.
Step 2 - give the family the photos they want. They should still get to see the other photos, and when they ask about her presence in them, she must be very clear about why she isn't there.
I'm camera shy, but I will suck it up and and have photos taken of me. I tend to oblige a few shots, and then tell whoever is snapping to go away. That way, both are satisfied.
When I was a bridesmaid for a friend, there were TONS of photos of me. But we bridesmaids looked amazing, so that was ok.
This is beyond camera shy, there is something way more serious going on here...
Hey I can give perspective as someone who is very camera shy. She sounds a lot like me. Having my photo taken by people other than myself fills me with dread. I'm incredibly self conscious about my appearance and I'm not photogenic so nearly every single picture taken of me I hate.
Now hating pictures of you is one thing but I have literally had panic attacks and burst into tears after seeing unflattering pictures of me. It can ruin my entire week. Obviously this isn't rational and clearly I have deep issues but that doesn't make my feelings on the matter stupid as many people think.
If your wife is anything like me, she's probably extremely self conscious and it probably hurts to see unflattering photos of herself. Now put that into context: it's her wedding, a day she wants to remember fondly. Most people should be able to look back on their wedding photos and feel happy but if she's looking back on unflattering photos or even photos she just doesn't like, for someone who is already camera shy that's gonna make her feel like sh*t about herself and if she's like me, she'll obsess over how bad she thinks she looks.
If I hated the photos taken on my wedding day, every time I think about my wedding I'd be reminded of how awful I think I looked. Your wife might have completely different reasons to not want her pictures taken on that day but it's likely she feels the same as me. I understand you're angry and hurt but I'm guessing she did that to avoid all the awful feelings that come with hating photos of yourself. She needs help if this is the case and she needs your support. She's probably really upset that she has no photos of herself on one of the best days of her life but you've got to think that if she would rather have no photos of herself on her wedding day than deal with seeing photo's that she hates, her feelings on the matter must be really strong.
This is something your wife should have spoken to you about and the fact that she lied to you is not okay. However, as someone with crippling BDD and self-esteem issues I can understand your wife's reluctance to have pictures taken. If I see photos of myself that others have taken I have panic attacks and cry. I've hurt myself over pictures before and my recovery from self-esteem issues has been greatly damaged by viewing photos of myself that have been taken by others. In fact, my anxiety about appearing in photographs is so intense that I worry that I will be unable to marry my SO at all because I literally cannot cope with having my picture taken and being the focus of attention at something like my own wedding is my worst nightmare.
This being said, I am aware that this is not healthy and I'm seeking help. Your wife needs to do the same. By lying about this instead of speaking to you about it and managing to come to some sort of agreement (for example a few pictures of you both on the day under circumstances that would make her the least uncomfortable) your wife has broken your trust. I think you need to speak to her about how much this has hurt you and encourage her to seek help for these issues as they wont get better otherwise.
I feel a little sad for your wife (and you, of course). It seems like having her photo taken is a big source of anxiety for her, and maybe this was her way of making sure she could enjoy her day without having to worry about it. However, it's completely understandable that you're disappointed not to have any pictures of her from the day, and to be upset that she did this without letting you know. I think it's worth talking to her about it again and exploring her reasons and what she thinks about her appearance.
It's definitely not too much to ask your wife for a picture of her on her wedding day, but if her worry about being photographed is so severe that she can't even allow that then maybe there's something serious going on with her self-image.
I find it odd that a wedding photographer would agree to this - even a friend and getting paid extra. It besmirches their product.
If it's that bad that you don't want pictures of you on your wedding, it sounds like your wife might do well to talk to a therapist. Lots of people are camera shy, but I've never heard of anything this extreme.
A) Has severe psychological issues
B) Is running from a specific something for a long time now
C) Is a vampire
Best of luck Op
Raise your hands--who had an emo phase in the 2000s? I know I did, as did a lot of people around me. All of us heard “It's just a phase" from our parents at some point, but when you're a kid, life as we know it seems so permanent.
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphy
My cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.slim shady eminem GIFGiphy
Baggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy
Being a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
It should not take much for a consumer to be satisfied with the products they purchase.
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.
We all know the job interview butterflies.
We sit outside the office or wait for the phone call and our foot taps at rapid speed. We run through some rehearsed answers, but worry that they'll ask a slew of things we never even considered. We try not to sweat too much.
Often, it turns out alright. We may not get the job, but we're respectable, give solid answers, and learn a lot about the place we're trying to get hired.
Other times, however, all of our far-fetched worries seem to come to life.
Curious to hear just how bad an interview can go, Redditor UIGrimsen asked:
"What was your worst job interview?"
Plenty of people had some truly bizarre stories to share. Part of these train wrecks were bad luck, and part were the insane antics of the people giving the interview.
But for us, they're simply hilarious.
"I applied for a job in a Planetarium, the interview was conducted in a big dome."
"Problem was, another part of the Planetarium staff was doing fire alarm tests during the interview. The dome amplified the sound so much, it was deafening. The interview staff acted like nothing was going on. We had to shout so we could hear each other."
"My mom raises chickens … and during COVID one of them got sick (not COVID). She had it inside to feed water hourly to try to nurse it back to life. My mom has to run an errand so I'm in charge of this chicken for the afternoon."
"I was on a phone screening with a candidate for a position in my office and this chicken starts having a seizure and dies on the middle of this phone call. I look over and it's laying almost like it was crucified."
"The candidate heard the commotion and asked if everything was ok … Which I relied 'yeah, the chicken just died.' "
"She withdrew her application the next morning."
"1.) I walked in as the HR lady farted"
"2.) it was a small office with no windows"
"3.) I asked her questions about their employee retention rate that she couldn't answer"
"4.) the fart stayed the duration of the interview"
"5.) I hope the fart got the job, because I didn't want it"
A Very Instructive Moment
"Applied to work at a vet clinic. Veterinarian did the interview while spaying a cat, apparently one of the cleanest and quickest surgeries they do. I fainted."
"Was not offered the job (after I woke up)."
Others shared moments when their excitement was deflated instantly. They encountered such closed-minded interviewers that there was almost no need for discussion.
That Bus Perk
"As an interviewee It was when I applied to a job as a Junior programmer and in 5 minutes the guys goes 'look, I'll be honest, there is no job, you can get an internship, no pay, we offer the bus pass' "
Plains, Trains, and Automobiles Later...
"I took vacation days to interview, bought my own plane ticket, and paid for my own hotel. First thing the interviewer said was, 'I have no intention of hiring you. This is just a courtesy because I knew your brother.' I had 8 more hours left in my interview day. It was painful."
"They ended up offering me the position many weeks down the road because they couldn't fill the position. I politely declined and got a very passive aggressively worded survey to fill out explaining why I passed."
There's a Right Answer??
"Wanted to work at H&M, got interviewed by the worst person ever."
"One question was and I am legit not lying, 'What is your favorite color and why?' "
"I answered 'baby blue because it's calming and not too harsh to the eyes.' My interviewer then said Oooh, sorry! Red is what we were looking for. And then proceeded to show me the exit."
Last, some shared the times they arrived for the interview excited and enthusiastic, but quickly learned how out of their league the position was.
These interviews looked more like brutal interrogations from the FBI than job interviews.
All the Principals
"Fresh out of college, I was looking for my first teaching job. I applied at a small district for an elementary school position."
"I walked in, expecting the principal and a few teachers. Instead I had the superintendent of the district, some high-level admin, and every single elementary school principal in the district. Probably 15 people in all. They peppered me with questions for 45 minutes."
"I had zero experience, just my student teaching. I did not get the job."
Shove Your Masters
"Finished up a masters degree in physics. Got a phone interview and was was told it would be an introductory chat. Was confronted with a technical interview panel (over the phone) of 6 PhDs, 4 of which had graduated from the research group I had just left. We walked through my research project in about 10 minutes."
"Then the pain began... felt like I'd only learned kindergarten physics."
An Extremely Intimidating Position
"Got an interview for a job as a floor manager at a gigantic steel foundry. I have some background in metallurgy so I thought it'd fit. It paid $90k and I was qualified resume-wise. I got there, turned out it was a group interview with three other applicants, to hear the pitch."
"If something messes up, the company loses $100,000 (some shockingly high amount, I don't remember if it was exactly 100k) per hour and it's your sole responsibility to fix it. They said you'd have to be on call 24/7 to handle anything that comes up."
"I got to the solo part out of curiosity and the interviewer they put me with said something to the effect of 'I know this job sounds bad, but actually it's even worse.' I was desperate for a job because I didn't land one straight out of college, but I was glad not to hear back from them after the interview..."
Here's hoping you don't have a job interview scheduled and this just amplified your anxiety 1000%. The nice thing to remember is that these horror stories are few and far between.
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Believe it or not, Canadians don't live in igloos or freeze to death all year round. If you go to Germany, it's highly unlikely that every German you meet will be cold and uninviting. Hop over to the United Kingdom and you're not going to run into tons of people with terrible teeth and bad hygeine.
These are called stereotypes, my friends, and it's best you leave them at the door. People were more than willing to strike down some stereotypes about the countries they know and love after Redditor HelloThere577 asked the online community,
"What are some false stereotypes about your country?"
"When most folks envision Scotland, they think of kilts, whisky, bagpipes, and red hair.
All of those things exist (and are common) here.
People might also imagine verdant hillsides, rocky bluffs, and skies that randomly switch between clear and cloudy.
Once again, that's completely accurate.
However, one stereotype which has absolutely no foundation, in reality, is the assumption that Scotsmen are constantly hunting haggis. In fact, haggis-hunting only takes place in February (which is the season for deosil haggis) and May (which is the season for widdershins haggis). For the rest of the year, the haggis is more or less left alone."
"I am originally from Portugal and moved to the United States. Around 80% of the people that I have met thought Portugal was either in South America, owned by Brazil, or a part of Spain. When I first came here it made me really sad."
"If the wildlife hurts or kills you in Australia, it's generally because you are f***** stupid. You are 10000 times more likely to be injured or killed in a car accident in Australia than by anything in nature."
This is likely very true, but knowing me, I'd probably be easy pickings for one of those huntsman spiders.
"That we end every sentence with "eh" and drink maple syrup by the gallon and have moose and igloos in our backyards."
You mean... you don't?
Just kidding. Canada is lovely––visit sometime. It's a lovely place.
The United States
"That we always have a shotgun at the ready. A shotgun is a home gun where a pistol is your everyday gun. Your revolver is your dress gun, for special occasions. Then of course your assault rifle is for when you're kicking back and cracking open a cold one with the boys."
"Anything related to The Sound of Music."
Probably gets annoying afer a short while. Great movie, though. Still dreaming about a trip to Salzburg.
"A lot of Americans seem to think we're inbred because we're an island. This is dumb, because it's a very big island (10th biggest in the world), and it's not isolated, we've been invaded, invading, and trading with the mainland for thousands of years."
"That we are car thieves. Crime was widespread in Poland in the 90s but today crime (including theft) rate in Poland is low."
"We do gesticulate a lot, but we definitely don't yell like crazy."
It seems Italian Americans are the ones who could learn a thing or two about being more reserved.
"Iceland. We're not some utopian Disneyland filled with quirky superstitious people that all believe in elves."
Remember: The world is an enormous place filled with people from all walks of life, and they don't take too kindly too stereotypes. Expand your horizons by having conversations with as many people as possible. You'd be surprised how quickly your preconceived notions will vanish.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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