Wife Doesn't Want To Have Sex With Husband After Baby, And She's Not Sure Why
September 06 | 2018
A mother gets anxious when her husband tries to initiate sex, even though she's attracted to him and has no physical limitations. It seems the trauma from giving birth has affected her desire to be with her husband, despite her attraction to him.
throwawaymarriage8 asked Reddit how she can overcome her anxiety.
I feel like many of you are going to tell me I have post partum depression, but I assure you I don't. My life is great really. I have two kids, the baby has been pretty easy as far as babies go. They are drama free kids. My marriage is practically perfect, we never argue or fight. He's a great father and is super helpful. No emotional abuse or anything. He's an all around nice guy and everybody just thinks he's great. I'm attracted to him physically, he's in good shape, has good hygiene? I honestly can't think of anything to complain about, he's practically perfect. He gave me a foot rub tonight, and all I could think the whole time was that I hoped he wasn't trying to have sex with me. I don't know why, but I just don't want to have sex with him. After having a baby and everything in front of him everything is different. I get almost anxious when I think he might be trying to initiate something. I've been cleared by the doctor to have sex, I'm just not even into it. He's so great and perfect so I should be into it, but I'm just not. I feel so gross.
I want to want to do it, if that makes sense. The thought of it causes me anxiety and I don't know why.
TLDR: don't want to have sex with perfect husband. Don't know why.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Start fresh, start slow.
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I listened to a great Dan savage podcast that tackled this issue.
His advice was to take sex off the table completely, but take time to reconnect with each other as sexual adults. Massage each other, naked cuddling, whatever foreplay you're both into. The idea is that you're given the opportunity to rediscover yourself as a sexual being without feeling that something is "expected" of you by the end of it. If p.i.v sex isn't there as the necessary end result you are free to relax and get turned on naturally, which might take a few sessions.
This can come in tandem with date nights, having time to yourself to do the type of date night "rituals" like getting ready and making yourself look and feel like a desirable woman as opposed to being in "mom mode". I really wish I knew the link to the episode for you. Your husband sounds really sweet and understanding, so hopefully when you talk about this he'll be on board (after the session he can always go take care of himself, or you can both try mutual masturbation as a way to feel intimate and sexual without you having to "psych yourself up" to intercourse before you're really comfortable with it).
Hopefully, this will lead to you just being able to lose yourself in the moment - as opposed to when he gave you that foot massage and you couldn't really just take the time to enjoy his touch and affection. Instead your mind was skipping forward to what you thought might be coming next, so you couldn't really just bask in the intimacy of that moment between a husband and wife.
Be honest.
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Just give yourself time, and let him know how you feel. There's nothing to feel gross or guilty about. You just had a baby, and even though you were cleared for sex, that doesn't mean you are ready for it. Be patient with yourself.
It's normal.
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Just want to stress that this is insanely normal for new moms. If you google sex after baby, all articles will mention this.
Also talk to your SO so he knows what is going on with you and can, hopefully, be respectful.
Hormones need time to rebalance.
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You just had a baby. Your hormones are all over the place, you're still healing even if the doctor says you're cleared, and even if your second is a good baby, you're still probably sleep deprived and exhausted from taking care of two children, one of which is a newborn. If you're breastfeeding it can kill your libido too. Like completely nuke from orbit, not lessen it slightly. Just let yourself heal and try to be intimate in other ways.
Work through it as a team.
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It's perfectly natural to not want to get right back into sex. Our species wouldn't survive very long if, after we made one helpless newborn, we went out and made another new baby right after. We're biologically programmed to want a sex hiatus right after birth to focus our resources on the new baby.
That being said, communicate this with your husband. It sounds like your fear of having to turn him down for sex is making you anxious. This might develop into resentment down the road. Nip that in the bud and tackle this problem as a team.
It hasn't been that long since birth - you're tired.
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You said the baby is a pretty calm baby, but its still a baby. Your sleep is interrupted. Your hormones are screaming at you to protect this baby and not have another one, because that would take resources away from your newborn. It's not a very sexy time haha. It's been 8 weeks, you just got medically cleared for sex. Its gonna take some time to have the mental bit of sex come back.
For some, this period lasts a year.
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Trust me - nothing is wrong with you. My last 2 pregnancies I did not want to have sex for the entire 1st year post partum. My libido fell through the cracks. I made sure to talk to my husband about it and explained how it just wasn't something I wanted to do or was interested in and he was fine. In fact I am pregnant with my 3rd and on the 3rd month of pregnancy my libido died (per usual) and all is normal and well here. My husband is extremely supportive and understanding.
Just talk to your husband and let him know. It's 100% NORMAL.
Some suggested reading.
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I post this everywhere, but "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. It's a book about sexual desire with fun worksheets! And it's really helpful in understanding why things like this happen. Go read it with your husband.
Patience.
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You are probably touched out from having the baby. I felt the same way.
Give yourself some time, but also be mindful of your husband's needs as well. My husband got a lot of maintenance sex that I wasn't wholly into, but I chose that, because like you say, I wanted to want to have sex with him.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted​​
January 26 | 2021
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
<p>u/GaryHippo asked:</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4q81z/serious_when_did_you_realise_you_were_being/" target="_blank">[Serious] When did you realise you were being manipulated by someone you trusted?</a></p><p>Here were some of those answers.</p>
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A Platitude Of Pleasing
<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?
<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Being Used
<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Hiding The Receipts
<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO
<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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How Do You Do This To Someone
<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>Be My Friend And Not Theirs
<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Victim Time
<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies
<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law
<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
<p>And their humor is changed forever. </p><p>This isn't confirmed, but it would appear that all the dads have a secret weekly meeting where the latest puns are exchanged and exercises in awkward timing are practiced. </p><p>A mighty craft is honed, and he can fill the role he was meant to: the colossus of cringe, the pun producer, he who instills the sigh. </p><p>And yet, for all the cringing and the facepalming, we love to say the very same jokes. There is just something about that quaint stupidity. </p><p>BennuH asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What's the best 'dad joke' you know?"</a></p>
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Regional LawsÂ
<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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For the Face Plant Image Â
<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Mammal of Few WordsÂ
<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Baggage
<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Woah Woah Woah, We're in PublicÂ
<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Not WrongÂ
<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>Watch the News Before Saying This OneÂ
<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Got a Million of Em
<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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G-Pa With the Physics HumorÂ
<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator HumorÂ
<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Image by Patricia Srigley from Pixabay
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***
Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedyto try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
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Wrapped Up
<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Flesh
<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>One scene, the cops thought it would be helpful to put newspaper on top of the leftover melted body oils which dried to the floors and was terrible to clean up. Sad cleaning up these things when family is in the other room as well. Not working the job anymore but definitely gave me an appreciation for the hard work biohazard clean up crews do. Mostly on-call as well so you never know how long you will be away from home.</p>
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Walk Away
<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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All over the House
<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>A runs out of his room, across the landing, down the stairs, out the front door, back inside, back up the stairs and collapses on the landing. When I got there it was like a scene from a movie, walls and ceilings, everywhere A had been were caked with blood. Apparently after B stabbed him, he returned to cooking his breakfast. There was a half eaten breakfast in the kitchen when I got there. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko05sb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Paymaker</a></p>
"ride-alongs"Â
<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>The most disturbing part to my brother was that the kid had all of his belongings boxed up and labeled, he had letters written out and labeled for who they were supposed to go to, and he even went as far as laying out a tarp, and then putting heavy blankets over himself before he shot himself - as a courtesy to the people that would have to clean his remains.</p>
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<p>This wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision, this was a very well-thought-out suicide and the guy was obviously thinking about everyone who would have to deal with it too. So sad to imagine such a thoughtful person in so much pain that he meticulously orchestrated his suicide. My brother said the scene messed him up. Not because of the gore, but the lack thereof. Because this guy so meticulously and thoughtfully offed himself. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gkofvk0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mistercolebert</a></p>
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Melt Away
<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Audrey
<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>The hurricane hit south Louisiana in June of that year and most of the bodies recovered were found in the salt water marshes that cover the area, so it's safe to assume that they were in an advanced state of decay. I've heard it said that the smell of the decomposing bodies was so bad that the alligators would actively avoid the areas </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko55b2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">caleb_justcaleb</a></p>
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Hazard
<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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After the Crash...
<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>There was so many backpacks and things just covered in pizza blood, It is hard to even describe it to this day. it was oozing out all over the road and was like an exploded pizza pocket. Everyone that was waiting in the traffic jam looked horrified. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknyt6m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">homestead1111</a></p>
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Fresh Meat
<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><strong><em>If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact </em></strong><strong><em>the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).</em></strong></p><p><strong><em>To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at </em></strong><strong><a href="https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/</a></strong></p>
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<p class=""><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/" target="_blank">REDDIT</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/" target="_blank"></a>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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| Image by freestocks-photos from Pixabay |
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.
<p>Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/procastinator3837/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">u/procastinator3837</a>, wanted to know what makes you squirmy when they asked:</p><p><em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/?sort=top" target="_blank">What instantly makes you really uncomfortable?</a></em></p>
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Like A Cow Chewing Glue
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTUzMzg4MC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NzM2NDY3M30.LbvvfErx6eex6Wsv_QaMhEKbbYpWWjUVGrk7txcMK-8/img.gif?width=980" id="4e223" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="457dc92f3da17b901e98ed690699ef80" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="366" />Season 3 Laughing GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy<p>Mouth noises</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjnwrje?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">annairachelle</a></p><p>Hearing people eat is terrible, but I feel like some of the more common mouth noises are less recognised. For example, ever watched a YouTube video where you can hear the slapping tongue/ saliva noise every time someone pauses and reopens their mouth? Hell.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjp2tmd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">I_Am_Sweet_Potato</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Squishing Around The Floor
<p>Wet socks</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjnp1b0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Zomgojira</a></p><p>My entire skin cringed after reading this. Some horrors really shouldn't be put into words, man.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjntuq8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">ferox3</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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No. No No NO NO NO. No.
<p>Having to go to the bathroom right after someone else just went to the bathroom</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjo1ec5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">TechnoTofu</a></p><p>And the seat is still warm....</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjop6pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">norbertisnotadragon</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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DON'T. YOU. LOOK. AT. ME.
<p>Being the center of attention in basically any way, shape or form.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjo2xp7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">onemanmelee</a></p><p>I'm a straight female, married for 17 years. I shook soooooooo hard as I walked down the aisle, not because I was nervous about marrying my husband but because people were staring at me. How I didn't puke is beyond me.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjoxqhh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">DTownForever</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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You Feel It In Your Gut For The Other Person
<p>Second hand embarrassment. I can't watch other people embarrass themselves on live TV sometimes even shows or movies. I automatically feel bad or embarrassed on their behalf.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjot812?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">NoMorePeopling</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Calling Just In Case
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTUzMzg2Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDM3Nzk4Mn0.Tz61eiWJaIvlPO9qvcq_5CcIo3iRYnVxTCF1AwST2kg/img.gif?width=980" id="2300d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b735755373ad34b1292cb2dac411af14" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="362" />guarding season 11 GIFGiphy<p>When you're walking around a store looking for something and the security guard follows you...</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjnysyl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Chemical_Nose</a></p><p>I actually had walgreens page for customer assistance to my aisle one time after I'd been pacing back and forth for a while. Somebody must have been watching and getting suspicious of me but honestly... I'm just that indecisive sometimes.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjp2axt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">sohcgt96</a></p>I'll See You Soon?
<p>When my boss says " I need to talk to you when you get a minute......", then he disappears for three hours.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjoe7l2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Bigdodge68</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Did I..No? Maybe? Was It Something I...Said? Did? No? Maybe?
<p>When someone is clearly angry around me and it could be because i <em>might</em> have done anything wrong.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjnsqwo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Finalgamer2019</a></p><p>Even better, when someone is mad but won't tell you why and just keeps saying "I'm fine" but continues directing their anger at you anyway.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjojd9a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">WhisperingWilds</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Relic Of Old-School Teaching Methods
<p>When the teacher/professor says, "Let's go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves"</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjo3k1b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Just_Village_8818</a></p><p>resting bpm goes from 75 to 150 real quick with that one</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjohhdu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">cessactdm</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
We Can All Agree: All Of Our Voices Are Awful And We Shouldn't Speak Anymore
<p>Hearing my own voice and watching a video of myself.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjo7j4j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">InternationalCut1908</a></p><p>I have been in multiple musicals and shows with the community theater in my town, bought the DVD, and never watched ANY OF THEM EVER. I can't. I completely understand actors who say they never watch their own movies. That would be unbearable.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjoo0xs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Dispatcher12</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Fine Line Between "Fun" And "Obnoxious"
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTUzMzg4My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNTU0NzA1N30.zD3k6RM8sybFYbTfaMCpO6J8UDxQH-OackF7FVIaPGE/img.gif?width=980" id="8f127" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="74713e5b93a5c328eba6f6fd43b5c870" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="362" />homer simpson singing GIFGiphy<p>When people start to sing, I've dated a couple of choir girls and they all thought they were the best singers, it's awkward AF</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjnvhjw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">beefyiceman94</a></p><p>I Love when average people start to sing cause they're happy or really like the song but I HATE those people that have like a slightly better voice and sing all the time because they think they sound real good... <br></p><p>It feels plain and really [infuriating] to me.<br></p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kzgi77/what_instantly_makes_you_really_uncomfortable/gjoit0x?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">scremtrick</a></p><p><em>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>. </em></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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