The holidays are an emotionally wrought time. Having to face family and reflect on the ups and downs of the year often leave us all drained of spirit. But having to suffer through more misery just to appease others for the sake of Santa seems a bit much.
Redditor u/1_30amfeels has a holiday issue she needed to share.... or does she?
I (27f) found out that my husband (26m) has been cheating. His sister (23f) is begging me not to ruin Christmas, and wait and deal with it after the holidays.
Okay, so I'm not totally sure where to start, because I want to keep this short as I'm low on time right now.
Me and my husband have been married for 7 years, and we've got an 8 year old daughter. Our work schedules are pretty different, and I guess leaves him a lot of room to cheat.
He gets off work at 3:00pm and I'm usually home around 5:50/6:00pm. He's suppose to get our daughter from school at 4:15, but I found out he often has his mom get her, or he picks her up and takes her to his sister's house.
This is all coming down on me at once, but has most likely been happening quite a while I would guess.
At home, things are perfect between us. He's absolutely amazing and I love him to death. I wouldn't of ever suspected he was cheating on me honestly. And it makes it incredibly difficult.
We've got an older, extremely nosey, woman right across from our apartment, like 5 steps and you're at her door. About a week ago, she stopped me outside saying she needed to talk to me.
She told me a couple of times she's seen a girl going into the apartment, and thought it was me until she got a glimpse of her face the last time, which was the day after Thanksgiving.
She paid attention because she said she wondered why I was home so early, and kinda thought it was strange but that was about it.
She explained after she saw her face, she realized it wasn't me or our daughter. She said she went up, unlocked the door, and my husband was still parking the car but the girl kept looking down at him and smiling and giggling.
She said she heard the door about 45 mins later, looked, and he was leaving and going down the steps. Then he got the car, parked super close to the apartment, went back, and then she came out and got in the car. Followed by him a few seconds after.
I'm guessing this girl has to know he's married, because it's kind of obvious by our apartment.. And apparently the woman is saying it seemed like she was trying to sneak and be careful, and that when they drove out, she was bent forward ducking.
I didn't want to believe any of this, but it was obviously hard to just make an excuse for.
Long story short, I contacted his sister and talked to her about it, because we are pretty close. I don't have my own family, and only have his.. She said at least 3/4 times a week he's bringing our daughter to her, asking if she can watch her for a bit.. And says he's going to go see me at work. She didn't know he wasn't actually doing that.
It 100% feels like my world is crashing right now. We'd just spent Thanksgiving with his family, and the next day he had some chick at our apartment most likely having sex in our bed.
A few weird things happened here and there, like finding a fake fingernail in our car when I don't wear those.. But it was always explained away and I believed him. I shouldn't have.
I don't know that I will leave him, but I need to talk to him about this because I can't even sleep.
His sister is absolutely begging me to not say anything yet. Last Christmas sucked, and she said it's going to ruin this Christmas as well.
His sister actually said "This has probably been going on awhile, but you didn't know... Was anything different? No. So just pretend you still don't know, because it isn't even affecting you."
She wants me to play it off until after new years, and then talk to him about it, but not to "ruin Christmas for everyone else."
It hurts me that she doesn't even really care, because she has her own relationship that is going perfectly fine. But I don't know how to pretend everyday he might not be bringing a girl to our bed for sex. I don't know how to just play it off, and go home and cook dinner for him and take care of him like I don't know.
I love this man to death, and I don't want to divorce him. I also love his family and don't want to ruin Christmas for them. But I don't know how to handle this right now. I need advice please :(
That's the worst thing I've ever heard - f**k Christmas - you caught your husband, that's the end of it. It happened, you have to address it now. He clearly isn't even trying to hide it otherwise he'd take her to her place, a motel, anything would be more intelligent. He knows your neighbor is nosey, maybe he thinks he's super smart and won't get caught or he finds this to be exciting, the chance of being caught. Its sick, its f**ked up. You and your daughter deserve better and you need to speak up now. Christmas gathering has nothing to do with it. This is about you and your husband. Autumnrisk
Not your fault!
To add to this. Your husband is the one that is ruining Christmas (if it comes to that). This is 100% his fault, and you are 0% to blame in this.
If there is a way to salvage this (counseling, etc), that would also be 100% on him to make sure he steps up to what your demands are in this. smokinbbq
Seriously... what the hell did I just read. I don't want to divorce, or ruin their Christmas... I can almost imagine her actually getting her husband caught in the act and slowly closing the door while apologizing and saying "sorry baby, don't want to ruin our marriage or Christmas, please pretend I didn't see it."
Come on girl, stand up for yourself!!! mjftlf
I bet your SIL already tipped him off that you know. She probably wants you to stall so her brother can get his ducks in a row for the impending custody battle. She is using Christmas as an excuse. She been covering for him this whole time mind you. Are you positive she knows nothing about this? Just suggesting this makes me feel like she already knew and had time to digest it. lighthouselens
Burn it Down!Giphy
F**k Christmas - burn it and the house to the ground (probably try to salvage something for the kids, tho, or they'll have weird Santa/daddy issues). Also, f**k his sister (not actually) (unless that would be somehow cathartic for OP).
Also, holler at a lawyer like yesterday. nachtkaese
SIL immediately went to her brother with this info and now he has the chance to get ahead of the storm. No matter how close OP thinks she is with SIL, sister's loyalty will always be with her brother, the cheater. It would be petty as hell, but maybe OP could keep her mouth shut until Xmas and have her husband open a gift in front of the entire family, divorce papers all wrapped up with a bow. At least their Christmas wouldn't be boring this year! ZeusMN85
Omg I love this. Maybe even frame them and put them in a big box or something, and watch his face as he pulls them out one by one, then reads them. So good I can taste it. maybe_a_panda
His sister just filled me with an unbridled rage.
Get your ducks in a row. Contact a lawyer. Don't say anything YET. Just make sure everything is straight with a lawyer first so that your daughter and your assets are protected in case this ends in divorce. My suggestion? It SHOULD end in divorce.
Then, once you get the thumbs up, no matter what damn holiday it is, you expose the shit out of him. Tell him everything. Tell everyone everything. Go nuclear. Bringing her into the house could have endangered your belongings, your daughter, everything. Throw the whole man out. kelefreak
Love can still Win!
Caveat: My husband has a distant, difficult relationship with his mom and sisters. He has a tendency toward cheating because of his issues with women. It's not fun to deal with, but he's been willing to go to counseling and deal with the problem.
I'm not sure I'd make divorce lawyer my #1 call - try a family counselor and see what happens since there's a child involved, would be my personal 2 cents. toodleoo57
Give him to the public!
Don't listen to his sister. She is perfectly fine with having you suffer with an unfaithful husband just to avoid some unpleasantness over the holidays. That tells you what she think of you, you are just a prop in her fantasy extended family.
You husband is bringing another woman to your home to f**k with her. Think about that. Then use your righteous anger and hurt to protect you and your daughter.
and I don't want to divorce him.
If you want to save your marriage, you have to be prepared to break it. Do not think you can cover this up for the next month. See an lawyer as soon as you can to get your divorce papers prepared and have him served at his job. Expose him fully to his workmates, his friends and his family.
Once he's served, he can either do what it takes to repair your marriage (which will mean counseling for him and true remorse) or you will have to get out. IcyWheel
End it and start again!Giphy
You have to rip off the band-aid to get the affair in to the light and fresh air.
Do not be afraid that filing for divorce means giving up, you can stop the process at any time. What filing does, is give your husband notice that you will not continue in the marriage you have now; that things will be changing from the day he is served forward.
Do not share your strategy with his sister. She already knew he was lying to you and didn't say anything. She will definitely warn him know that you know and they will try to convince you that a faux happy Christmas is more important than getting started on fixing your marriage. carrawayseed
All I can think is that any sexual contact you have with your husband is now exposing you to STI's. Are you supposed to keep banging him for a month to not ruin a 23 year olds Christmas?
This is a legal question now too. Your husband, and your husband's family, will soon be your legal adversary. Never take legal advice from your opponent. Call a lawyer. Act now. pfbusybody
There is no later!
There is nobody in the world whose side I would take during a split because of infidelity except my sister. I would be angry and disappointed and unhappy with her, but she always has my support.
Your sister in law has told her brother. He is dictating the "wait until later" and it could well be he's buying himself time to file for divorce.
Your sister in law might feel like blood to you, but she is your husband's sister, first and foremost. Koalabella
Deal with it now. It's not up to his sister. It's your relationship. And you and your daughter deserve better than this.
I hope you're okay. je0njungkook
You're going to ruin her Christmas but her brother is ruining your entire life and future. Easy to figure out which takes higher priority.
You can send her an apology note when all is done and dusted. nomnommish
I Feel Your Pain....
I've been in a similar situation. I found out on my boyfriends daughters wedding day, that he had been cheating. I was supposed to go to her wedding, but I couldn't. I couldn't sit there and pretend everything was fine when I was SO angry and falling apart. You have to take care of yourself and your situation. Do whatever feels best for your own mental well being.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! missE_1350
Serve it Hot!
Serve him with divorce papers for Xmas. Wrap it up in nice gift wrapping paper too. Chibsie
Get it over with! I did this with my ex-wife and it was just terrible (divorce not telling the family). Do your own Christmas with your family and let him do his with his family. He was the one that screwed up so just let him tell his family what happened. You should tell your family ASAP so its not a shock come Christmas. schwabadelic
Careful for your daughter...
Try to keep the fighting away from your daughter. That is my only recommendation. This dillweed is still her dad, and she will still need him and it will really suck if it all comes out Christmas morning.
I'd actually say broach the subject sooner rather than later but set some guidelines on how to deal with this through the holiday. You don't want every Christmas after this to suck for your daughter because it was the time of year she found out her parents were separating. But at the same time that doesn't mean you have to be OK with the affair.
Also, I feel like the sister knew. seanmharcailin
Christmas comes around every year so who actually cares about one day. Contact a lawyer and get out of there ASAP. Tell his parents and his friends. Sleeping with another woman, in YOUR bed? Instead of picking up YOUR child? Its not even the cheating that pisses me off the most, its the fact that he is prioritizing that over his child. nocomprendedog
His sister knows and is covering for him. You can't trust her.
Your husband doesn't even respect your marriage enough to try to hide his cheating.
It sucks not having family to rely on, but you know what? You're worth gazillion times more than your husband or his awful sister. You grab your girl and get outta there. There's better things in this life for you on the road ahead. You're going to have your own Christmas and a fresh start to a better life. bubonictonic
Happy New Year to you... not them!!
So his sister wants you to suffer until New Years. Does this seem right to you?! No you need to talk to your husband now. He will deny it to the end, and make up some BS. Trust me I've been through it. Just get ready for him to do that. Your poor daughter probably has an idea of what's going one. I'm sorry you have to go through this, you definitely deserve better and not be disrespected. endlessaugust22
No matter what happens, her husband is an A**hole! He needs some coal... up the side of his head.