We Just Want The Recipe

The forty-seven paragraphs of bullsh*t before the recipe.

- Th3yl1v3w35l33p

I read somewhere that those paragraphs and paragraphs are for the purpose of keywords/SEO. You have your nana's legendary pasta sauce recipe, but it's in a sea of other crushed tomatoes and garlic pasta sauce recipes.

You have to add in that nana was from Sicily, ran through a meadow of basil, oregano and always went with papá on trips with their pigs to hunt for truffles. You remember your mom and nana preparing fresh pasta growing up and even sneaking the vintage Chianti all the while Sinatra played on the record player in the living room.

Anyway, for my Tostino Pizza Rolls you need:

• A paper towel
• A microwave safe plate
• Pizza Rolls
• A microwave
• Toaster Oven**

**Optional for crispy exterior

- DaveyJonas

God, isn't this real.. It's always on my phone in a hurry and I had to go back to the recipe only to have it refresh to the top. I then re-begin my hunt between the ads, the giant story and the 1 million comments of "that's awesome! we love you! i tweaked it this way. do you like me?"

Just... Give... Me... The f*cking recipe. Was it 1 tbsp of butter or 2?

- y-aji

This is such an underrated comment.

Look Sarah, I don't give two sh*ts about how your mother set the table "just so" every night for family dinners when you were little, and that you now recreate that for your two sons who don't eat gluten and are homeschooled.

Can I please just have the damn recipe for your roasted parmesan potatoes so I can move on with my day? Thank you!

- Krystology

Best Seller

A book being a New York Times best seller.

- LuckyPrompt44

Not that hard when they have a bazillion categories.

I know a "bestselling" author. He is really just a rich kid that grew up with some legit physical handicaps. But his rich parents hired a ghost-writer and she put together some come-from-behind inspirational life story.

Well the rich parents have a charitable foundation that bought enough copies to put the book in the bestseller list in some small category. And now you have a bestselling author who does motivational speaking.

- Funkshow

Drama

98% of drama that happens between people who have no part in my life

- MoronGoron52

I have a friend who likes to tell me every bit of drama happening with her vast extended family every time we hang out.

I just nod politely for hours and when she comments that she wants to write a book about her family I don't say, "dude, no one wants to read that."

I just bite my tongue, nod, and plan to avoid our next get together. They're a family friend so I don't want to burn bridges, I jut don't initiate the hang outs anymore.

- SecretBattleship

Aging Has Its Benefits

What people think of me when I make a decision that only affects me.

I used to care a lot. As I got older I became so much more apathetic to it.

Sometimes people begin to notice the apathy and then they just stop displaying their dissatisfaction towards you since it's clear you don't care anyway, which is sweet.

- artificiallyselected

Mostly seemed to kick in sometime in my early 30s. From talking to friends they for the most part stopped caring around the same time.

- ritabook84

I once saw a post that proposed that basically everything from birth to about age 30 goes in the "finding out who are" bucket and literally everything after that point is "doing that on purpose" which seems to hold up, lol.

I like combining it with my grandma Chickie's advice: growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

And that's why my car is decorated with stickers and plushies, a rainbow wheel cover I crocheted myself, and a clusterf*ck of "good luck charms" from friends and family hanging from the mirror.

Does it make my car look like it belongs to a 16yo girl instead of a 34yo man? Probably.

Do I give even a single measly f*ck about that? Absolutely not!

It's my car, I can make it look like Lisa Frank puked all over it after being dared to chug 47 rainbow margaritas if I want to 😂

- SyntheticRatking

They're My Team

My superiors' opinions about how I lead my subordinates.

I've been in the Army for 8 years, and I've found that leading with fairness, friendliness, and for lack of a better term, love, inspires more cooperation and success than enforcing loyalty through rank and command.

My superiors call this "being their friends" and putting myself in a position to be manipulated.

But frankly, I've never experienced that, and I don't give a f*ck if they don't like it.

- TezPez3000

My dude, your brand of leadership was the only leadership I respected when I was in the Navy. People in leadership positions in the civilian world don't really understand it, either, but morale is more important than that horrible strict discipline you try to force on people.

I'll work harder for a boss I can tell to f*ck off than one who barks orders any day of the week.

- auroratheaxe

My supervisor is like this (Air force) and I'd follow him to hell and back.

Sure I get pissed off about something I think is stupid but in the end, I can differentiate between him being my boss and friend. Hell, we do golf outings with our small shop and bbqs.

I've never been happier with the people I work with and I hope to be as good as he is when I get more peeps under me.

- shamrocksmash

But What If You Don't Want To Go To The Pub? 

Alcohol

I'm from Ireland and nearly everyone's social life or sporting events revolves around alcohol consumption and I'm just like no thanks.

- Surebegrandlike

I'm from Scotland, and it's daaamn hard to find something to do to socialize that isn't seriously compromised without alcohol.

Dinner is one (but what do you do after?) and I'm enjoying meeting people for lockdown runs. But on a rainy December Saturday, what the hell do you do if you don't wanna go to the pub?

I do drink myself, but I think the lack of cafe culture and (understandable) lack of outdoor activities drives a lot of the social and health problems we have here.

- black_sky_thinking

Tribal Warfare

Sports. I've never understood why people get so emotional about their teams. The relationship some people have with it, and their passion for something that has basically no real-world impact, has always been weird to me.

- catchingsignals

I am a sports writer. I can answer this question, the answer is tribalism. Being part of a family group, while struggling against other outside groups.

Humanity's favorite thing to do is to separate ourselves into little groups and fight each other. People are by nature xenophobic, and sports is a perfect alternative to civil war or a religious crusade.

Jerry Seinfeld had a comedy routine where he observed that rooting for sports teams was just "rooting for laundry", as the players change on a regular basis. And to an extent he is correct, but the organization remains, and we are a part of the one we choose to love, and we are a family and an in-group with like minded fans, and f*ck those guys over there.

Sports is the last place where tribal warfare is not only accepted, but encouraged.

- RaiderDamus

That explains why people DON'T like sports. I think it's a rejection of tribalism in favor of actual achievement.

Tell me about something YOU did that you are proud of? I get that - it's something about YOU.

I also understand if you're bragging about (or proud of) something a team or group you are actually a part of accomplished - you participated.

But going on and on about your city's team simply because it's attached to your tribe? It doesn't click for me.

- fsr1967

I was looking for this and I'm disappointed by how far down I had to look.

The point about tribalism makes sense, but it's depressing. Do we not have enough things to be tribal about?

Plus I'm not a fan of how rich white guys essentially buy and sell 18-year-old kids from marginalized backgrounds (economic or otherwise) and then gladiator them until their brains are spaghetti.

- brownidegurl

Scratchy Scratchy

Minor scratches on your car's paint. I've known several people who will absolutely lose it over a scratch the size an eyelash.

It always makes me always wonder what it must be like caring so much about something so tiny. What other bull must they lose their minds over?

- SleepyConscience

I agree with you here. I'm a hardcore car guy and don't actually care if mine get dinged or scratched. It's a 4 thousand pound object that was created to get driven, do people really expect no wear and tear?

- schassis408

I don't get that, either. I thought it was normal wear and tear and shows you use your vehicle? I have a ton of scratches on my car, and most of them were probably created by either me or my S/O.

Still a good car.

And our older car was in this really bad hailstorm once where the hailstones were as big as golf balls and baseballs. It has some dings in it from that. Kinda like a souvenir.

- TieDye_Raptor

Work ... 

I'm ready to retire so I am trying to get let go because IDGAF about this job anymore.

I've been doing my job as poorly as I can force myself to. My employer is huge and cutting staff. I've got a reasonable chance at getting a "Go Away" package worth several months pay.

Barring that, they almost certainly won't fire me for cause so I can still collect unemployment. So far they are keeping me around. I'm literally failing at failing.

- RealMcGonzo

Apathy On 100

"I seriously could not give half a f*ck less about anything that happens anywhere, to anyone, for any reason outside the four walls of my house."

"My wife, my kid, my dogs, I will kill to keep them safe from the horrific dumpster fire that is life in the USA in 2021, but I don’t have the bandwidth to give even a single crap about Trump v Biden, BLM, transpride, la raza, proud boys, #metoo, Kanye West, Harry and Meghan, who hates whom in whatever third world shithole we’re bombing this week. None of it."

- Cruush_Halochek

"Drama."

"The only time I care about it if its something big like rape and sh*t. But even then, that's only to people I know."

"If its anyone else ,sorry man I can't help you nor am I bothered to do so."

- RageMeDaddy

Influence

"Instagram and a lot of this influencer stuff."

"I don't give a f*ck which one of you can hide your little fat rolls the best with your poses. I don't care who eats what for which reason."

"We all know it's a facade and still compare ourselves to a perfected image of a person."

"NOT doing that would be very healthy for a lot of people."

- [Reddit]

Let People Enjoy Things

"What music you DON'T like."

"I don't give a sh*t that Uptown Funk makes you want to have an aneurysm."

"It's nowhere near my Spotify playlist either, but let people enjoy things without having to listen to you act like you're superior for listening to 'real music.' You're not and nobody cares that you're pretentious."

- Gift-Card-Recipient

Procreation

"Having kids."

"My life is not incomplete/complete based on reproductive choices."

"I'm sure having a child is a warm, fuzzy, love greater than you've ever felt moment. But does not mean that my life is less meaningful as yours by choosing not to have kids."

"It's fucking insulting that people assume that everyone should have kids."

- els3823

A Haunting

"Ghosts."

"I lived in a most-likely-haunted house when I was 2. I taught myself ghost safety protocols with the various potentially paranormal activity I encountered and eventually became, well, attached to my maybe-ghosts."

"They kinda helped ease my anxiety when I thought about them and even if they weren't real they were a calming perceived presence."

"Today I'm not as believing in ghosts, but I don't completely deny their existence."

"I've been meaning to go ghost hunting and maybe help spirits go to the afterlife or assist in a similar way but goshdarn diddly dang it covid."

- xXChocoboXx

The Religion Of The West

"Veganism: it’s then new religion of the west where they want to guilt people into things instead of going after corporations doing real damage."

"They don’t have the balls to go after corporations that farm animals in abhorrent conditions. They spam and harass individuals because they know they’d get their asses kicked by a company. It's way easier to shame people over their eating habits."

"People eat crap because of its cheap and it’s a classist issue and because they want convenience and not a salad that costs way more than it’s worth."

"Putting the burden on the individual when our current problems are created by capitalism in excess and production norms is cheap and petty."

"Then there's the other idiots I know who think the only way to 'be a man' is by acting like a Neanderthal on a diet of steaks and beer; forgoing anyway that might look green and healthy."

"That's a pathetic way for someone to asset their identity."

"I am native so we live off our land; we use our animals for meat dairy, we grew up with a with sheepskin beddings, shearling pillows, our rugs were woven of animals skins and furs."

"When we bought meat, we went to the market which was open air. You chose the rabbit, chicken etc and they’d slaughter it and pluck it while you wait. Then you pay then take it home."

"There’s nothing immoral or evil about that."

"That’s how we thrived and lived as communities. I have coats of rabbit fur, which we buy from our tanneries. We use every part of the animal."

"It’s only when I moved to the west that I realized that most people have never set foot inside a farm and can’t tell what’s inside their packaged meals."

"The capitalism system mass produces everything and destroys the industries."

- Carmelita-55

Seriously.

Get it together recipe people... or LEAD with the recipe and then tell us your story.