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People Break Down Which Things Are Not Terrible Or Great But Perfectly Average

People Break Down Which Things Are Not Terrible Or Great But Perfectly Average
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This will be a perfectly average article about perfectly average things.

There will be C-level effort given here.

This will be like the "normal" episode of Spongebob.


Reddit user WinstonChurchillin asked:

"What is neither terrible nor great, but perfectly average?"

I've never written an ode to beige before, and I'm not about to start now ... which is fine because C-level effort, people.

Starting with this moment of clarity.

The Taste Of Mediocrity

coke pouring GIFGiphy

"A canned coke slightly colder than room temperature."

- ImDedNgl

"I didn't know how to answer this question but as soon as I saw your answer... it all just... made sense."

- _forum_mod

"Oh my god I can taste it on my tongue as I read this. The taste of mediocrity."

- momoman46

"When you put it in the freezer so it'll get colder faster and you check back like 15 minutes later and it feels cold to the touch; but when you drink it, it's not that cold, but you're like, screw it and drink it anyway."

- MyStationIsAbandoned

A Dinner Downgrade

"Just had a cooking class in high school and we made a potato and leek soup."

"The first words me and my friend used to describe it were 'ok' and 'alright.' "

"It was really the most average thing I've tasted; not that it was bland just that it was neither good nor terrible."

- RavensArePrettyCool

"This is my favorite 'meh, that sounds alright' dinner to make."

"It’s both easy and hard to make right. It’s simple, and yet I have to go out of my way to get leeks from one specific grocer, which makes it hard."

"It’s an ordeal and so very average all at once. Strange."

- deadheadcycle

"Potato and leek soup is just a downgrade from leek soup."

- Alexthegreatbelgian

Ohio

ohio columbus GIFGiphy

"The Midwest. Especially Ohio."

- SpyTheLie

"Just moved to Ohio last year. It’s fine."

- Mindbender444

"Came here looking for Ohio. Fitting I should find it in an average response."

- Jayphlat

"Ohio sucks"

"- a Michigander 😂"

- NyaNyx

Historical Math

"If Ivan the Terrible had a baby boy and Alexander the Great had a baby girl and by some miracle, those two babies met throughout history and f***ed, the resulting baby would be the most perfectly average baby ever birthed."

- 0ldPainless

"I like the way your brain works."

- SnooDingos2721

"Average Joe incarnate."

- mynameisnad

They're Not Awful

"A baloney and American cheese sandwich on white bread with Mayo."

"No one would order one in a restaurant, and no one is ever excited to have one, but they’re not awful. A perfectly average sandwich."

- No_Pen_4702

"There's as many terrible sandwiches out there that are much worse than this as there are good sandwiches that are better. This one fits very well."

"My wife loves these sandwiches, mind you, as do several others I know."

- RhettSarlin

Nothing Exciting

"Staying at a Holiday Inn."

"Quality is consistent, but nothing exciting is going on."

"It’s not so nice that you’ll get a hotel bar and restaurant, but it’s not so crappy that you can watch The Neighbor Show with all the crazy folks also staying there."

- felinelawspecialist

The Corolla Choir

Robots What GIF by ToyotaGiphy

"A tan 2002 Toyota Corolla."

"That was my last car before the current one. While I had it, I would sometimes think about how this is just 'a car.' "

"There's new cars and old cars. Cool cars and sh*tty cars. Cars that are fun to drive and cars that are scary to drive."

"But a 2002 Corolla... That's none of those things. It's just a car."

- aguycalledkyle

"The Toyota Corolla. Every single one of them."

- Blindog68

"Wife and I's first car together was a Corolla coupe. It had the cool disappearing headlights, which made it slightly nicer than average."

- DesertTripper

1 Snack

"Home brand garlic bread where they skimp on sesame seeds atop the loaf and the butter is slightly too stingy."

"The ultimate in 6.1/10 snacking."

- TheRysingTyde

Better late than never

Season 10 Bbq GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

"Showing up late to a barbecue, and while there's still plenty of food left, it's not exactly warm anymore, but it's not so cold that you don't want it."

-Etterra

"But the beers are still in a cooler filled with water that used to be ice. Not perfectly chilled, but I'll have one!"

-BleuDePrusse

"Yeah but the beer tastes like it was brewed in the 60s."

-Etterra

"Late enough so that everyone is there, but not too late so that anyone hasn’t left"

-spacesheep_000

Little goes a long way

"Accidentally putting a little less toothpaste on the brush than you normally do."

-rcdr_90

"Oddly specific and perfect."

-CringeVader

"I actually nodded and smiled a little when I read this comment, like 'Oh yeah that's it'. And then I laughed at myself"

-iairhh

"The dinosaur said it should be pea sized I stuck with it since."

-Such-List680

​Take a seat

French Bulldog Love GIF by The BarkPostGiphy

"Public benches"

-maren_voyage

"Nailed it. They are never great, but they’re almost always pretty okay."

-ProbablyaDrugDealer

"Except for the ones with anti-homeless aspects in their design. Those ones are mildly evil."

-UlteriorCulture

"Big facts. Not a single bench I've ever sat on has been comfortable, but they still let me sit for a bit."

-LawMurphy

Wrong flavor

"A piece of chocolate but it’s not in your favorite flavor. For me it’s one of those orange filled ones."

-NoHoliday7040

"the pain i feel whenever i bite into a chocolate, and it's raspberry flavor is too much to bear"

-Caesthoffe

"The orange ones are the best"

-Ruta008

Meh-tatoe chips

chips GIFGiphy

"The no name chips from the drugstore."

-sonia72quebec

"Edible, but nothing to write home about."

-ilike7hournaps

"

Perfect date

Miss Congeniality April 25Th GIFGiphy

"April 25th. It's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket."

-ExtinctFauna

"Its the perfect date!"

-GreenOnionCrusader

"Get outta here Mrs. Rhode Island lol"

-LessMidRange


​Above average 

"Saltine crackers"

-TyroneSuave

"Ok don’t judge me but my mom would make our birthday cakes by hand and her leftover buttercream icing on saltines is my low key redneck poor kid comfort treat"

-[Reddit]

"By themselves? Yes. In soup? above average."

-jdinklagemargoone

"Nope, they're great. Fresh butter on a saltine is incredible."

-DrInsomnia

Mall 'Za

Stranger Things Indiana GIF by netflixlatGiphy

"Mall pizza. It's never great pizza. Never terrible pizza. Just pizza."

-lorinabaninabanana

"Just a little za."

-dovahkiinot

"Mediocre pizza to me is worse than bad pizza. Truly bad pizza at least makes you feel something - anger about having paid for it, disgust over having to eat it, etc."

"But mediocre pizza just makes you sit there, chewing dough and tasting nothing, while you contemplate your mortality and how your life led you to this moment."

-ThriftAllDay

Chill dog

"A hot dog with no toppings"

-NocturnalBatBrain

"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"

-[Reddit]

"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"

-Boomshockalocka007

"Perfectly average"

-ProbablyaDrugDealer

Cover band swag

"A short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt"

-_Mceaky

"If you wore this in 2006, it meant you liked music."

-_reeses_pieces_

"Disagree, this is the most comfortable top configuration. And it looks sweet in a cover band."

-NoItsNotLiterally


This

mood GIFGiphy

"This very thread."

"It's amusing, but not laugh-out-loud funny. Lots of thoughtful nodding in agreement, but no urgent need to screenshot or share it."

"A pleasant diversion."

- ISpyStrangers

Well ... that's it. That's the whole average article about average things.

Okay bye.

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Things Foreigners Should Avoid At All Costs While Visiting America

Reddit user AMGBOI69420 asked: 'Americans of Reddit, what places in America should foreigners avoid at all cost?'

When people visit the United States of America for the first time, they often have a list of places to see and things to do (and eat!).

Get a hot dog in New York City before attending a Broadway show, take in the spectacular views of the Grand Canyon, or soak in the sunny beaches of Florida.

Of course, like anywhere on Earth, there are also some places and things which should be avoided at all costs.

Then too, not all guidebooks can give you all the information on things to be wary of in the most visited places in the country.

Some of which might save you a dollar or two, and some of which might actually save your life.

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Our ancient ancestors had their own habits; some were strange and bewildering, others were nearly identical to those we practice today. Looking back through history, one might be surprised to find the daily lives of the ancients weren't so unrecognizable. But then again, there are still plenty of ancient habits that leave us scratching our heads.

1. Ground-Breaking Discovery

Recently, archaeologists working in Italy’s Caverna delle Arene Candide found a heap of rocks. Not exactly headline news, but these rocks had been carried up from a nearby beach and broken in a consistent, uniform fashion, and similar-sized pieces had been taken from each one. It appears that Neolithic Italians broke the rocks as a funerary rite—the rocks themselves may have represented lost loved ones, and breaking them symbolized the person dying.

2. Shake On It

person holding hands of another personPhoto by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

The tradition of greeting another person by shaking hands dates at least as far back as the Ancient Greeks. One column at the Acropolis even shows the Greek goddess of marriage, Hera, shaking hands with the Greek goddess of wisdom, Athena.

3. A Little Pick-Me-Up

Nowadays we have Viagra and Cialis, but Pliny the Elder suggested a bevy of ancient Roman aphrodisiacs that reads more like a witch’s shopping list than a doctor’s prescription. To put the pep back in your step, Pliny suggested the yolks of pigeon eggs, in honey, mixed with hog’s lard, or sparrows eggs, or a lizard drowned in one’s own urine. If that didn't work, you could always wear “the right testicle of a cock.” I’ll pause long enough for you to stop giggling.

4. For The Ladies

brown falcon on treePhoto by Photos By Beks on Unsplash

Got it out of your system? Ok, moving on: For ladies with low libido, Pliny advised ingesting a vulture’s tongue, or wearing a patch of wool soaked in bat’s blood on top of the head. It seems so obvious, doesn't it?

5. Just ’Browsing

Nothing made a Greek woman feel more attractive than having a thick, swarthy unibrow. To the Greeks, the unibrow signaled a combination of beauty and brains. Greek women would go to great lengths to get that perfect forehead mustache, lining their brows with kohl or soot, or even using tree resin to affix fake eyebrows made of goats’ hair to their foreheads.

6. Of Corset Was!

white and brown striped textilePhoto by Jamie Coupaud on Unsplash

You probably associate the fitted corset with those breathless Victorian women who, though they maintained their figure, looked constantly on the verge of fainting, but they weren't the first to wear them. The corset goes all the way back to the Ancient Minoan women of Crete, who wore similar restrictive bodices. The Minoan corsets were likely the first fitted garments ever worn.

7. To Be Taken With A Grain Of Salt

Popular superstition states that, if one should spill some salt, one can counteract the bad luck by throwing a pinch of salt over the shoulder. That practice actually goes all the way back to the ancient Assyrians. The superstition was passed on from them to the Egyptians, and then the Greeks, and the Romans, all the way to today.

8. Stairway To Heaven

an egyptian scene with a man offering a bowl to a womanPhoto by British Library on Unsplash

The same is true of walking under ladders—the Egyptians came up with that one. Because a ladder leaning against a wall formed a triangle, representative of the holy trinity of Egyptian gods, to walk through was considered sacrilegious. Naturally, that superstation lent itself perfectly to the early Christians. I always just thought it was because you're likely to get something dropped on you if you walk under a ladder.

9. As It Nappens

Just like the Spaniards with their customary siesta, the Ancient Greeks would insist on taking a quick mid-day nap throughout the summer. One 5th-century medical text advised that a brief nap around noon kept the body from “drying out.”

10. That Sucks!

In ancient Ireland, one showed submission to tribal kings by sucking their nipples. Bog-bodies (ancient remain found well-preserved by the chemicals in a bogs) have been found with slashed nipples, indicating that they had been driven from the throne.

11. Pour One Out

Even if you're completely out of touch, you’ve probably seen a rapper “pouring one out” in a music video. Feel free to pour one out in memory of Pac or Biggie, but you should know the practice actually began with the Ancient Egyptians, who first spilled their drinks as a tribute to their god of death, Osiris.

12. The Good Book

person's hand holding book pagePhoto by Rod Long on Unsplash

The practice of libations was continued by the Greeks. There is even mention of “pouring one out” in the Old Testament: Genesis 35:14 states “Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he had spoken with him [God], even a pillar of stone. He poured out a drink offering on it and poured oil on it.”

13. Beer For Breakfast

While the pharaohs had no shortage of delicacies to choose from—fruit and honey and wine and cured fish and all manner of roasted beasts—the Egyptian working class had a significantly shorter menu. The typical Egyptian breakfast consisted of bread, beer, and onions.

14. Sand Gets Everywhere

a group of people riding horses in a desertPhoto by Veronika Biró on Unsplash

And sand. Lots of sand. Keeping sand out of their food was a huge problem for Egyptians, and coupled with their rough, fibrous diet and the fact that they had no real culture of dental hygiene, it meant that Egyptians of modest means usually suffered severe dental issues.

15. Chickening Out

Roman navies always kept chickens on board their ships, but they never intended to eat the birds. Rather, the chickens were offered cake. If the chickens pecked the cake, the Romans were sure to have luck in their upcoming battle. One Roman admiral, furious that his chicken wouldn’t peck, shunned superstition by throwing his chicken overboard and declared, “If it won’t eat, it can drink instead!”

27. The Stash

green palm tree during sunsetPhoto by Kym MacKinnon on Unsplash

According to Herodotus, certain tribes to the east liked to throw bushels of marijuana on bonfires and enjoy a nice stone. As with a lot of stuff that Herodotus said, historians took this with a grain of salt, but in 2008 archaeologists discovered the tomb of a 2,700-year-old mummy in the Western Chinese province of Xinjiang.

In addition to the mummy—presumably, a shaman of the Yuehzi people—was nearly 800 grams of marijuana, worth about $8,000 to modern consumers. Also found in the tomb, a stack of Bob Marley records and a poster bearing the phrase “Legalize It.”

17. A Different Period

To cope with severe menstrual symptoms, Roman women used tampons soaked in opium, while Egyptian men were allowed—and even encouraged—to take time off work to care for their menstruating wives or daughters.

18. Don’t Sweat It

gray concrete building during daytimePhoto by Federico Di Dio photography on Unsplash

After a big day at the Colosseum, Roman fight-goers liked to celebrate the trip by buying souvenirs. Gladiator sweat was a favorite, as was lard from the animals who had been killed during the show. The sweat was mixed with olive oil and sold as a perfume. It was also considered a powerful aphrodisiac. I'll pass, thanks.

19. Decisions, Decisions

According to Herodotus, the rule of thumb among the Ancient Persians was if something was decided upon while drunk, all people involved must wait until they’ve sobered up, and decide again. Later writers added that, if something were decided while sober, the Persians would again put the decision under scrutiny by getting drunk and seeing if the idea held up. At least they covered all their bases!

20. Puking Party

girl in grey tank top holding purple flowerPhoto by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on Unsplash

As everyone knows, the Romans loved to party, but of course one can only party so much. The idea of any Roman feast was to eat and drink as much as physically possible. When a Roman began to feel too full, or too drunk, it was socially acceptable, and even encouraged, to induce vomiting, thereby making room for more.

It should be said, however, that it's a misconception that they had special rooms called "vomitoria" for this purpose. Vomitoria did exist, but they were special passages in theaters or auditoria designed to efficiently allow many people to exit at once. The name comes from the Latin word vomo, which means "to spew forth."

21. No Pants Allowed

The Greeks and Romans had pants, they just didn’t wear them. The Greeks thought they looked silly, and the Romans considered them “for the barbarians,” since they were customarily worn by Germanic peoples to the north.

22. Spitting Image

man spitting waterPhoto by Asael Peña on Unsplash

It wouldn’t be unusual to see a Roman spit on himself; it was something they did any time they encountered a mentally ill person or someone with epilepsy. Not only were these traits undesirable, they were considered contagious as well. By spitting on himself, a Roman was protecting himself from the spread of a disease—an action that had no basis, even in Roman medicine, but remained a widely held superstition.

23. The Cure-All

For everything that spitting couldn’t cure, the Romans swore by "theriac." The compound, invented by Nero’s personal physician, was made of 64 different ingredients, including opium and viper flesh, and was said to cure everything from poisoning to plague. Theriac remained a common item in apothecaries and pharmaceutical shops well into the 19th century, because if nothing works anyway, you might as well eat some snake parts.

24. Ancient Times

grayscale photo of round analog clockPhoto by Timo C. Dinger on Unsplash

Punctual Romans carried around portable sundials, not unlike our more modern pocket watches. Each sundial came with specific instructions on how to use it based on one’s geographical coordinates and the season. But the Romans didn’t rely on a regular 60 minute hour like we do: rather, they followed the Egyptian example of keeping a 45 minute hour through the summer and a 75 minute hour in the winter. How could that not have confused people?

25. Fast Food

The Romans were a busy, on-the-go people, so it’s not surprising that, just like us moderns, they loved fast food. There were restaurants all over the Rome, many of them with windows that opened onto the street so customers could just order their food and go. I wonder if they had drive-thru windows for chariots?

17. Pompeiians Can’t Cook

brown and white concrete buildingPhoto by Yaopey Yong on Unsplash

There were more than 200 take-out restaurants in Pompeii alone. Taking dinner out was so common that many Pompeiian homes didn’t even have kitchens.

16. Vend Diagram

The Romans even had vending machines. Or at least they had the technology—the only known example, built by Roman-Egyptian inventor Hero of Alexander, was coin-operated and dispensed holy water.

28. Cone Heads

brown concrete statue of manPhoto by Tom Podmore on Unsplash

Long before the spray bottle was invented, the Egyptians developed a unique way to apply perfume. They wore tall cones of resin or ox fat on the top of their heads. The cones would be infused with aromatic oils and myrrh. As the balmy night wore on, the cones melted, leaving the Egyptians coated in fragrant oil. It was considered good hospitality to offer these cones to guests at a party.

29. The Best Part Of Waking Up…

Coffee came from Africa, tea from the far east. Neither seemed to have caught on among the Romans. Given the dearth of caffeinated beverages, the Romans began their mornings with a beverage made of goat feces and vinegar. I'll stick to my bean juice, thanks.

30. Just Do It

File:15-07-05-Schloß-Caputh-RalfR-N3S 1528.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

According to Pliny the Elder (this guy again...), the goat dung and vinegar beverage was especially popular among chariot racers; it was kind of like an ancient version of Gatorade. The emperor Nero personally endorsed the drink, saying that it gave him extra strength.

31. Urine Luck

The Romans used human urine in industries like leather tanning, and some of these companies even paid a “urine tax” for the privilege. But that’s not all: Urine was used by the Romans as a laundry detergent, a fertilizer, and even as a mouthwash. Because, you know, nothing makes your mouth cleaner than...

32. A Brush With The Egyptians

blue and white plastic bottlePhoto by 莎莉 彭 on Unsplash

In this instance, at least, the Egyptians were centuries ahead of the Romans, and even ahead of pre-20th century Westerners. The Egyptians invented the toothbrush, and used it in conjunction with a toothpaste made of gum arabica, soot, and water that actually would have done an OK job.

33. Mint Condition

In fact, one 4th century Egyptian text offers a complete—though different—recipe for toothpaste: one drachma of rock salt, one drachma of iris flowers, 20 grains of pepper, and, of course, two drachmas of mint for kissably fresh breath. Hey, if it's not human urine, I'll take it!

34. Getting Around To It

man and woman statue under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Sergio García on Unsplash

Let’s talk about bad habits for a minute. Here in the modern world, many of us have trouble getting motivated—we tend to put off starting things, even if they’re important or good for us. But don't feel so bad, even our ancient ancestors struggled with procrastination.

Putting off crucial business was so common in Ancient Greece that the Greeks had a word for it: akrasia, “the state of acting against one’s own interest.”

35. So Stupid, It’s Smart

One Greek statesman discovered a trick to help him defeat akrasia: Demosthenes shaved one side of his head (seriously). Funny, but how does it help? Demosthenes reasoned—rightly, perhaps—that he would be less tempted to go outside if he knew people would make fun of his stupid haircut. Rather than risk the mockery and taunts of his fellow Athenians, he stayed home and studied. Something to remember next time you’ve got a big exam coming up.

36. Moldy Medicine

sliced bread on tablePhoto by Helena Yankovska on Unsplash

The Ancient Egyptians applied moldy bread crusts to burns. This practice has also been found in ancient Greek, Chinese, and Serbian cultures. While none of these ancient cultures had any way to know specifically, they did seem to intuit that the microbes and antibodies active in the mold were good for fighting off infections.

37. An Eyebrow Raising Habit

Eyebrows were important to the Ancient Egyptians, as well. The death of a household cat was a serious tragedy—the Egyptians literally worshipped the furry felines—and families would often demonstrate their grief by shaving their eyebrows off.

38. The Cat’s Pyjamas

Free Images : animal, monument, statue, cat, egypt, sculpture ...pxhere.com

Cats were idolized by the Egyptians because of their skill at killing vermin like rats and snakes, and because they also represented fertility. When a cat died, even the cat of a laborer, it was given a noble burial, mummified, and laid to rest surrounded by pots of milk and mummified mice. We should all be so lucky.

39. Pretty Disrespectful

The practice of mummifying cats was so common that, over the course of the 19th century, British industrialists were able to import nineteen tons of mummified kitties for use as fertilizer.

40. Not Monkeying Around

black monkey sitting on rock during daytimePhoto by Benjamin Ong on Unsplash

Cats weren’t the only pets loved by the Egyptians; they were also known to keep monkeys. Big monkeys. Really big monkeys, like baboons, in fact. Baboons don’t live in Egypt—they had to be imported to Egypt specifically—but their popularity led them to develop a wealth of cultural and religious significance to the Egyptian people, and one was considered lucky indeed to have one of the simians in their home.

41. The Hogs Of War

The Greeks and Romans employed an unlikely ally when they went to war: Because their rivals in the east typically employed elephants, the Greeks and Romans enlisted the help of war pigs, whose squeals terrified the giant beasts.

42. The Romans Treated Their Kids Like Garbage

a statue of a person holding a staffPhoto by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash

Roman families did have adoption practices—even Julius Caesar adopted his great-nephew Octavian, later known as Augustus—but it was mostly a way for the wealthy Roman elite to ensure they had an heir. For poorer families, unwanted children were often just left at the dump.

If those unwanted babies didn’t die, they were usually taken to be raised as slaves.

A couple lies in bed with a baby between them
Image by Stephanie Pratt

Where do babies come from?

One of life's greatest mysteries.

Or one of life's most solid truths.

But when we're young, we don't know all of the details.

But that doesn't mean there aren't questions.

Oh, the number of questions and curiosities.

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Crying teenager
Photo by Zhivko Minkov on Unsplash

All judgment aside, we're all meant to do some things and not meant to do other things, and there are simply some people in the world who would make better parents than others.

Those who decide to parent while knowing that they didn't want kids often wind up saying and doing things that do far more harm than good to their children.

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