This will be a perfectly average article about perfectly average things.
There will be C-level effort given here.
This will be like the "normal" episode of Spongebob.
Reddit user WinstonChurchillin asked:
"What is neither terrible nor great, but perfectly average?"
I've never written an ode to beige before, and I'm not about to start now ... which is fine because C-level effort, people.
Starting with this moment of clarity.
The Taste Of Mediocrity
coke pouring GIFGiphy"A canned coke slightly colder than room temperature."
- ImDedNgl
"I didn't know how to answer this question but as soon as I saw your answer... it all just... made sense."
- _forum_mod
"Oh my god I can taste it on my tongue as I read this. The taste of mediocrity."
- momoman46
"When you put it in the freezer so it'll get colder faster and you check back like 15 minutes later and it feels cold to the touch; but when you drink it, it's not that cold, but you're like, screw it and drink it anyway."
- MyStationIsAbandoned
A Dinner Downgrade
"Just had a cooking class in high school and we made a potato and leek soup."
"The first words me and my friend used to describe it were 'ok' and 'alright.' "
"It was really the most average thing I've tasted; not that it was bland just that it was neither good nor terrible."
- RavensArePrettyCool
"This is my favorite 'meh, that sounds alright' dinner to make."
"It’s both easy and hard to make right. It’s simple, and yet I have to go out of my way to get leeks from one specific grocer, which makes it hard."
"It’s an ordeal and so very average all at once. Strange."
- deadheadcycle
"Potato and leek soup is just a downgrade from leek soup."
- Alexthegreatbelgian
Ohio
ohio columbus GIFGiphy"The Midwest. Especially Ohio."
- SpyTheLie
"Just moved to Ohio last year. It’s fine."
- Mindbender444
"Came here looking for Ohio. Fitting I should find it in an average response."
- Jayphlat
"Ohio sucks"
"- a Michigander 😂"
- NyaNyx
Historical Math
"If Ivan the Terrible had a baby boy and Alexander the Great had a baby girl and by some miracle, those two babies met throughout history and f***ed, the resulting baby would be the most perfectly average baby ever birthed."
- 0ldPainless
"I like the way your brain works."
- SnooDingos2721
"Average Joe incarnate."
- mynameisnad
They're Not Awful
"A baloney and American cheese sandwich on white bread with Mayo."
"No one would order one in a restaurant, and no one is ever excited to have one, but they’re not awful. A perfectly average sandwich."
- No_Pen_4702
"There's as many terrible sandwiches out there that are much worse than this as there are good sandwiches that are better. This one fits very well."
"My wife loves these sandwiches, mind you, as do several others I know."
- RhettSarlin
Nothing Exciting
"Staying at a Holiday Inn."
"Quality is consistent, but nothing exciting is going on."
"It’s not so nice that you’ll get a hotel bar and restaurant, but it’s not so crappy that you can watch The Neighbor Show with all the crazy folks also staying there."
- felinelawspecialist
The Corolla Choir
Robots What GIF by ToyotaGiphy"A tan 2002 Toyota Corolla."
"That was my last car before the current one. While I had it, I would sometimes think about how this is just 'a car.' "
"There's new cars and old cars. Cool cars and sh*tty cars. Cars that are fun to drive and cars that are scary to drive."
"But a 2002 Corolla... That's none of those things. It's just a car."
- aguycalledkyle
"The Toyota Corolla. Every single one of them."
- Blindog68
"Wife and I's first car together was a Corolla coupe. It had the cool disappearing headlights, which made it slightly nicer than average."
- DesertTripper
1 Snack
"Home brand garlic bread where they skimp on sesame seeds atop the loaf and the butter is slightly too stingy."
"The ultimate in 6.1/10 snacking."
- TheRysingTyde
Better late than never
Season 10 Bbq GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Showing up late to a barbecue, and while there's still plenty of food left, it's not exactly warm anymore, but it's not so cold that you don't want it."
-Etterra
"But the beers are still in a cooler filled with water that used to be ice. Not perfectly chilled, but I'll have one!"
-BleuDePrusse
"Yeah but the beer tastes like it was brewed in the 60s."
-Etterra
"Late enough so that everyone is there, but not too late so that anyone hasn’t left"
-spacesheep_000
Little goes a long way
"Accidentally putting a little less toothpaste on the brush than you normally do."
-rcdr_90
"Oddly specific and perfect."
-CringeVader
"I actually nodded and smiled a little when I read this comment, like 'Oh yeah that's it'. And then I laughed at myself"
-iairhh
"The dinosaur said it should be pea sized I stuck with it since."
-Such-List680
Take a seat
French Bulldog Love GIF by The BarkPostGiphy"Public benches"
-maren_voyage
"Nailed it. They are never great, but they’re almost always pretty okay."
-ProbablyaDrugDealer
"Except for the ones with anti-homeless aspects in their design. Those ones are mildly evil."
-UlteriorCulture
"Big facts. Not a single bench I've ever sat on has been comfortable, but they still let me sit for a bit."
-LawMurphy
Wrong flavor
"A piece of chocolate but it’s not in your favorite flavor. For me it’s one of those orange filled ones."
-NoHoliday7040
"the pain i feel whenever i bite into a chocolate, and it's raspberry flavor is too much to bear"
-Caesthoffe
"The orange ones are the best"
-Ruta008
Meh-tatoe chips
chips GIFGiphy"The no name chips from the drugstore."
-sonia72quebec
"Edible, but nothing to write home about."
-ilike7hournaps
"
Perfect date
Miss Congeniality April 25Th GIFGiphy"April 25th. It's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket."
-ExtinctFauna
"Its the perfect date!"
-GreenOnionCrusader
"Get outta here Mrs. Rhode Island lol"
-LessMidRange
Above average
"Saltine crackers"
-TyroneSuave
"Ok don’t judge me but my mom would make our birthday cakes by hand and her leftover buttercream icing on saltines is my low key redneck poor kid comfort treat"
-[Reddit]
"By themselves? Yes. In soup? above average."
-jdinklagemargoone
"Nope, they're great. Fresh butter on a saltine is incredible."
-DrInsomnia
Mall 'Za
Stranger Things Indiana GIF by netflixlatGiphy"Mall pizza. It's never great pizza. Never terrible pizza. Just pizza."
-lorinabaninabanana
"Just a little za."
-dovahkiinot
"Mediocre pizza to me is worse than bad pizza. Truly bad pizza at least makes you feel something - anger about having paid for it, disgust over having to eat it, etc."
"But mediocre pizza just makes you sit there, chewing dough and tasting nothing, while you contemplate your mortality and how your life led you to this moment."
-ThriftAllDay
Chill dog
"A hot dog with no toppings"
-NocturnalBatBrain
"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"
-[Reddit]
"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"
-Boomshockalocka007
"Perfectly average"
-ProbablyaDrugDealer
Cover band swag
"A short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt"
-_Mceaky
"If you wore this in 2006, it meant you liked music."
-_reeses_pieces_
"Disagree, this is the most comfortable top configuration. And it looks sweet in a cover band."
-NoItsNotLiterally
This
mood GIFGiphy"This very thread."
"It's amusing, but not laugh-out-loud funny. Lots of thoughtful nodding in agreement, but no urgent need to screenshot or share it."
"A pleasant diversion."
- ISpyStrangers
Well ... that's it. That's the whole average article about average things.
Okay bye.
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A matter of textural preference
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