People who cut the queue are going to hell, but they wouldn't if they just stopped their indecent behavior.
The same goes for people who leave their shopping carts in open parking lots rather than return them to the corral, and those who don't know how to merge onto the freeway.
"You can make everyone follow one rule you make: What is it?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor Lord_Smile, and needless to say, people went wild. Turns out there's a lot out there that bothers us.
No speakerphone in public.
Service employees are now legally required to physically fight one customer a day.
"If you throw your butts..."
If you throw your butts out the car window, a mysterious, compelling force will cause you to retrieve them and stick them up your bumhole.
News stories have to be 100% unbiased and truthful.
"When you make a mistake..."
When you make a mistake, quickly take ownership, apologize and make right where possible.
On the counter: forgive that which is done wrong and don't make forgiveness conditional on atonement or apology.
LITTERING WILL BE CONSIDERED A HATE CRIME AGAINST EARTH.
Every sentence must be finished with a noun that has absolutely nothing to do with the sentence spoken. (eg: Hey Billy, how's work been thermostat?) (eg: Little Darla hurt her knee when she fell off the swings death penalty.)
"I command everyone..."
I command everyone to consider how their actions will affect those around them.
Everyone must wash their hands every time they use the toilet ... yes, even you, Mr "I don't pee on my hands so I don't need to wash them."
"Everyone has to..."
Everyone has to use the metric system.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
Talk to Me
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
Oh yeah, probably not....