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People Break Down What Absolutely Ruins A Good Burger For Them

People Break Down What Absolutely Ruins A Good Burger For Them
Photo by Peter Dawn on Unsplash

Most people love a good burger, and many, many American restaurants serve them, but not all burgers are created equal.

Super tall burgers that are hard to eat, way too much sauce (or only a tiny bit of sauce on the middle of the bun), soggy lettuce — there are lots of ways to ruin a burger.


Redditor TheKeyMaster365 asked:

"What Instantly Ruins A Burger For You?"

Bad Tomatoes

"Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato"

- EccentricEngineer

"Tomato can be okay if you're eating it right now but tomato on it togo burger or sandwich almost always makes the bread soggy."

- sploittastic

"I don't object to the taste of tomato in a burger, but I despise the actual tomatoes themselves. They're too slippery, so they always end up squeezing out and, somehow, falling on anything except the plate."

- AmazingSpacePelican

"When the tomato has that hard area in the middle (the core I guess?). Gross."

- breadfan1988

Lack of Structural Integrity

"Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce."

- IAmStevie420

"Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess."

- caligaris_cabinet

"You’ve identified an important problem but I’m not sure about the effectiveness of the proposed solution"

- aspannerdarkly

Too Much Sauce

"I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much."

"Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience"

- krispyboiz

"If I have to wipe/clean my hands after every bite, it is an unpleasant experience."

- meatpipeline

"I hate it when the first bite launches a glob of sauce out the other end."

- Mataraiki

"I feel the same way and thought I was in the minority. If I pick up a burger, take a bite, and immediately need 4-5 napkins, it's not worth it."

- CrochetyNurse

Old Lettuce

"Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying 'they have lake lettuce.'"

- heckpants

"Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can't get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you can't just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else."

- fraud_imposter

Hard-boiled Egg

"I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?"

- jokinglyserious1

"Filing this under 'things that feel illegal'"

- theonelittledid

"As someone in the industry, a breakfast lover, and a burger lover, this is honestly one of the most offensive things I've seen on reddit."

- Starscream5

Runaway Patty

"When the patty slips out the other side."

- F35LTNG

"This is a corollary to the massive height complaint. Make a burger wide, not tall, and it won't slip out."

- soulcaptain

"PSA: The toothpick on top of your burger is not for decoration, but they are a functional tool to prevent the contents to fall out."

- moxedana02

Humans Can't Unhinge Their Jaws

"Being too big to fit in your mouth. Pointless. Might as well just throw it all on a plate, and call it 'deconstructed burger'"

- gallows4p0werm0ds

"Yeah, make burgers wider not taller."

- PPLifter

"If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?"

- megaloduh

"I’ve had a few burgers in my time where I have actually just taken it apart and put it on my plate to slowly eat. It is frustrating."

- TL3490

Soggy Buns

"Wet untoasted bun"

- Ruminations0

"Nothing worse than taking a bite of a soggy bun. Also the reason why I don’t like tomatoes in my burger"

- Pelagius_Hipbone

"Looking at you, Five Guys. $20 burger and it's not even toasted. They tell me it is, but why is it a soggy mess only a couple minutes after it was made?"

- Reddit

"Untoasted bread is acceptable, just a matter of choice. Now, a burger where bread is all soggy because there's tomato or wet lettuce touching it is almost a negligence by the person who made it."

- HYPERNOVA3_

Too Much Conversation

"People that want to talk while I'm eating a burger."

- BlowFrog303

"And then gets mad when you don't respond... Like can't you see I'm chewing?!.."

- IdkTheMeaningOfLife

"I have a mate who, whenever we go for a burger, all of a sudden feels the need to start asking me all these questions about my personal life as soon as I start eating:"

"'What your dad up to at the moment?'"

"'Have you been to your brother's house lately?'"

"'What sort of stuff has your mum been doing since she retired?'"

"'Is your brother still in touch with his ex?'"

"I'm one of those people who sort of gets into a zone while eating so firing a load of questions at me very much kills the 'vibe' I'm on!"

- thisishardcore_

My Wallet Hurts

"When they cost $20+"

- cuttingwoodisfun

"Yeah, I’m fine paying $20 if it’s something good. Bison burger for $18? F*ck yeah! Even just something like local grass fed beef. F*ck yeah!"

- UnbrandedContent

"I went to a burger place by me once, got a burger, loaded fries, and one beer. It wasn’t a sit down place, you order at the counter like it’s fast food but they give you a number to take and they bring your food to the table."

"It was $40. There’s a reason I only went once, and the burger was good but not $40 good."

- Old-Sor

"That does certainly make a burger, no matter how delicious, unappetizing 😵💫"

- TheKeyMaster365

Burgers Are Supposed To Be Boneless

"Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it."

- Reddit

"This a the real answer. A chunk of bone will ruin your trust in burgers for a very long time."

- HubertFiorentini

"Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago, and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot."

- rejectedstone

Why Is There So Much Bread?

"A dry bun or too much bun."

- mazlux

"100% … Bun to meat to topping ratio is paramount."

- djdaddyb

"Brioche. Brioche is a terrible choice for a burger bun and I don't understand why everyone is using it these days. Brioche is basically bread make with low-protein flour and lots of eggs."

"Also known as: CAKE, just drier and without any of the chew and texture of a properly made bread roll. Brioche sucks ass and that trend needs to die."

- RockleyBob

Cheese Should Be Melty

"Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a f*cking ice block."

- miraclechu

"this is why I dislike cheeseburgers. I avoid cheese on mine. and people think I’m f*cking weird."

- Synner40

Unwanted Toppings

"Pickles when I asked for no pickles."

- FrumundaMabawls

"And you can’t just pick em off. The whole fu*kin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it."

- pyroboy101

"Same thing with mustard. No ... you can't just scrape it off."

- Beard_o_Bees

Making a good burger doesn't seem like it would be very hard, but there's a lot of ways things can go very wrong.

Now it's your turn. What absolutely ruins a burger for you? Let us know in the comments below.

Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

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