Being accused of things you didn't do is annoying and can be infuriating even in the best of situations. Sometimes, though, the thing you're accused of is so ridiculous that you can't even be mad.
For example, I had a group of friends I would chat with online. One day, the elderly father of one of those friends got a phone call from Florida saying the friend was in trouble and needed bail money.
Dad knew it was a scam because he had heard about it on the news and just spoken to his son. Dad brushed it off, but did tell son about it. Son mentioned it to a few of those friends.
One of them decided that *I* must have been behind the scam since I live in Florida - along with like 18.5 million other people, but that's not the point. As far as this person was concerned, it was totally me who tried to scam an old man (who I didn't even know was alive and would have no way to contact) out of some money.
Amazingly they managed to convince a few other people that I was a nefarious phone scammer, too. Extra amazingly, that's not even the strangest thing I've been accused of. Let's not even talk about the Nigerian Illuminati incident...
Reddit user Memerdreemurr_Unrl asked:
What's the weirdest thing you've been falsely accused of?
The responses honestly made us laugh pretty hard in most cases. Some were sad since you can tell mental illness played a roll. All of them were outright odd.
Drug-Free Brownies
A long time ago: In exchange for housing, I took care of my best friend's 2 y/o niece and 3 y/o nephew. One day, their insane mom showed up and insisted that I'd given her children pot brownies - not regular brownies - since they were running all over the place (like children sometimes do.) She even called the cops on me, who confirmed that I gave the kids normal, drug-free brownies. She was admitted to a mental hospital not long after. It was so dramatic.
I took care of them for about another 3 years after (until someone else was awarded custody) and still travel back home to see them when I can. Their mom never showed up again - it's been 7 years now. I also lost both parents to mental issues, no way I could just duck out.
- M31K_
You Can't Fit A Dumpster In An Impala
Giphy
My boyfriend got pulled over by the police in his super tiny Impala car, because apparently some shop owner accused him of trying to steal a whole dumpster with said vehicle.
We Can't Afford A Coke Habit
Doing drugs every morning before work.
It's called coffee people, I work at the same low paying company as you all. None of us could afford that coke habit.
- Majik9
That's Not How Alcoholism Works
Freshman year of college I had a super sheltered roommate. One Friday, I illegally bought a bottle of vodka, had a shot, thought it was gross, and put it in the freezer. Never drank again the rest of the semester. She accused me of being an alcoholic a month later.
She was ungodly stupid. If I were an alcoholic that bottle of vodka wouldn't have stayed there the entire semester, practically full. She opened the freezer a lot for food, the alcohol was always at the same level. It's unlikely she thought I was replacing the bottle. Unless she thought I drank an entire bottle a day.
Hill Letters
Some places in the US have big white letters on the side of the hill to signify the name of the town, the name of local schools, etc. I grew up in between 2 towns like this.
Both of the "hill letter" towns were "cross town rivals" and were always playing (lame) pranks on each other. One time, a bunch of kids from my school went up to the rivals letter and changed it around to their letter. It required hiking up a large hill and rearranging boulders for hours. A couple of the kids were football players and there were about 6 kids doing the work.
Because my car was seen in town, I was accused of doing it. Just me. I wouldn't have even climbed up the hill, let alone spent hours lifting rocks plus this was a task that was literally impossible for a single person.
There are still people that remember it happening and ask if it was me.
- Gekokujo
Rewards Program Identity Theft
I have to ask every customer if they'd like to join our rewards program. It's the retail equivalent of "would you like fries with that?" To complete the enrollment I need a phone number and an email address.
Being accused of trying to steal someone's identity to sell it to the Russians (or some equally paranoid rant) is a dramatic event that happens a handful of times per year.
One lady went on a fifteen minute rampage about how she doesn't trust anyone with her phone number because banking can be done over the phone and she never knows when she'll be tapped, etc. Then she has the nerve to go off on me because she's not getting any reward coupons...
Once in a while I'll drop the hint that they can, in fact, give me a fake number or email and I'll never know, and they look at me dumbfounded like someone just told them Santa Claus isn't real.
Rural Chinese Stairs
I was staying at my girlfriends hometown in rural China.
Little old lady fell up stairs and she started accusing me of pushing her... I was a good 10 meters away. A security guard saw what happened and he told me to just ignore her and walk away.
I Don't Work Here
Being late for work/skipping out on work by not being in uniform (this was at a grocery store.)
It started with a foreign employee yelling at me in broken English as I entered the store. I understood about 1/3 of what she was saying and tried explaining (in vain) that I didn't work there. Later, when I was doing my shopping she came back and started yelling at me again and started trying to pull me towards the employee area. Luckily I was bigger and stronger so I stood my ground and yelled for help.
Another employee who spoke better English and could communicate with her arrived and I yelled at him about his crazy coworker. The store owner was called in and gave me a gift card for my troubles and a lot of harsh words for the female employee.
I saw the new employee I was presumably mistaken for a few weeks later. I have to admit, we were very similar except for our height, weight, skin tone, hair color, facial hair and race. Anyone could've gotten us mixed up.
Terrorism
Another student in elementary school once accused me of "terrorism" by claiming I blinded her with a so called "weapon I snuck into school."
It was a little light for a diary that would reveal UV ink; I forgot it was in my pocket and took it to school accidentally. I pulled it out because the light was on and this girl across hall starts flailing and saying that I blinded her. I lost recess for a week even though it was just a light, they called it "directed aggression" or something.
Making It In New York
I had just moved to New York for a job at a mid-size company.
One of my co-workers threw a house party to welcome me and another woman who also just started. (I didn't really know this other woman, she worked in a different department and we only talked once during a benefits orientation thing.) It was a Friday night, and I stayed and partied into the next morning, while the other woman left around 10:30PM or so.
Next Monday morning at work, that woman messages me and says she needs to talk to me immediately. We go to the empty break room downstairs and she is furious. She's doing the red-face/angry crying thing.
"I heard you were talking about me after I left. You were telling everyone that there is no way I can make it in New York. How dare you talk about me behind my back. F*ck. You. I hate drama and I will not let you get me involved in it." (I don't think I'm explaining this well enough, she had veins popping out of her neck, she looked like she wanted to fight me.)
I'm absolutely shocked and confused and I'm looking around the room like that John Travolta GIF.
Giphy
"Are you sure it was me? I have no opinion on your ability to live in New York. I hardly even know your name, to be honest."
That pissed her off more, she cusses at me a bit more, and threatens to report me to HR if I don't stop talking about her behind her back.
The situation kinda worked itself out because it turned out she couldn't in fact "make it" in New York and quit about a week and a half later.
I ended up being good friends with the people who were at the original house party and I asked them about that night, if anyone was talking about her after she left. They all swear that her name was never mentioned and she just made the whole thing up. Friggin crazy.
Gang Banger
Being a "gang banger" at my old job. What actually happened was a coworker that didn't like me found a box cutter in the staff bathroom. This coworker took it to our department head and said it was definitely mine and she knew that because I was a gang member. Spoiler alert: it wasn't my box cutter. It was the maintenance guy's.
"It's A Shank!"Â
When I was 13 years old, my friends sister got in an argument with a old lady in McDonald's. My friends 9 year old brother had climbed over the booth to get to his seat, as kids sometimes do. The lady yelled at us that we all belong in a zoo and then called the cops.
The police showed up and accused me of being a local gangbanger with the moniker "Lil Joker."
This wasn't even in my city. I'm definitely not a gangbanger and I have no idea who "Lil Joker" is. The fact that I wasn't from that city wasn't enough for the cops. They then searched our car and came out with a small phillips head screw driver. When I say small i mean TINY. It was the ones used for tightening the screws on a pair of glasses.
The cops came out aggressively shouting "What is this?!?!?" We told them it was a screw driver.
"Its a shank!" was their response. All in all a pretty ridiculous interaction with the police when I was a kid.
What could possibly go wrong?
It turns out there are so many variables that can contribute to making the bride and groom's celebration a major matrimonial miss.
Curious to hear examples of weddings gone wrong, Redditor lolf**kno asked:
"Those who have been to a ruined wedding, what happened?"
Dramatic brawls and speeches plagued these weddings.
Catty Attendees And Booze
"Very beautiful wedding in a huge barn at this apple orchard. They must have spent a ton of money on the decorations and catering because it looked like something out of a magazine. The ceremony was great, the flower girl did her thing, the vows got everyone choked up. Everything seemed to be going well. Not even 15 minutes into the reception the mothers of the bride and groom getting into a full out brawl, hair pulling, red wine being thrown. Their sons jump in to defend their honor, chairs start being throw, tables are flipped, parents are grabbing children and running for their lives."
"​The bride and groom are horrified and leave immediately and head back their honeymoon suite. My fiancé and I left after this as well but we heard from some other friends that most people ended up staying and getting wasted at the open bar on the bride and groom's dime. Apparently, the fight started because one of the groom's sister complimented the bride's grandmother's dress. The bride's mom thought she was being sarcastic and called her a b*tch, then the drama ensued. Mind you they had all been pregaming the wedding pretty hard."
– AdmiralWackbar
Playing For The Drunk Uncle
"I played a wedding where as we started playing the set, everyone ran outside and nobody was to be seen for the rest of the night."
"I originally assumed it was because nobody liked us but the bride came in afterwards and said there was a huge fight involving multiple members of both families and everyone basically went home upset, injured or in a police van."
"We couldn't stop playing since we were payed and it was our job, and the only person watching was the drunk uncle dancing on his own asking for requests we didn't know."
– TornApartByLisa
Maid Of Honor Speech Goes Off The Rails
"Was a guest of friend of the bride, did not know anyone attending. Very expensive over the top place, several hundred guests of this very Italian wedding. Maid of honor grabs mic at the cocktail hour begins her speech, rambling, drunk. Quickly devolves to stating the recently deceased mother of the bride was against this wedding and that's basically what killed her. Plus Vinny will never give up sex workers. She is tackled by several people and dragged away."
"The happy couple is separated and divorced within a year."
– Rocky1268
This is what happens when bad luck crashes weddings.
Tumbling Into The Sunset
"I work at a golf course with a lot of history behind it. We do wedding venues inside the clubhouse and the actual ceremony is held outside by the historic water fountain and large pond."
"First problem was the weather. I live in the high desert and it was very warm. A solid 90 degrees that day and it was also pretty windy. So everyone's outside, no umbrellas, no ezups."
"The next problem, and probably the worst, was the golf cart incident. The bride and groom wanted to 'ride into the sunset' on one of our golf carts. Drive around a little bit on the golf course. To be fair, it is beautiful on the course during sunset. However the cart had somehow gotten a nail in the tire, tire went flat, battery on the cart went crazy and the cart ended up freaking out. It came to an complete stop from 15mph to zero. The wheels and mechanisms locked up, almost seizing. Both the bride and groom (fairly overweight mind you) both fell out and rolled over a few times. They were totally okay, just a few bruises and perhaps a bruised ego or two. So retrieving that cart was fun."
"And last but not least, the power inside the clubhouse went out to do the high winds. There was no after party available. Only the cake was cut, hardly any food was given out. Yeah, not a great day to cover for someone on your day off."
– Itsallover_
Foggy Memory
"I was not born yet, but my parents rented the observation deck on the Hancock building in Boston for their reception. Tallest building in the city, beautiful view. My dad pored over historic weather charts to figure out what day was statistically most likely to be nice out. Day of the wedding comes and of course, thick fog unlike anything they'd ever seen before. Couldn't see a thing out the windows of the room they had picked specifically for the view."
"Worked out well though, they were happily married for nearly 30 years before cancer took my dad's life a few years ago."
"There's one other funny anecdote from that wedding: The wedding was held in Kings Chapel, which is an incredibly historic church here in downtown Boston that's somewhat of a major tourist attraction. To close that on a weekend afternoon for a wedding, it turns out, was not very expensive. The tourists waiting outside to see the church didn't know that, though, and someone started the rumor that my parents were incredibly wealthy, maybe even Kennedys. As a result, there were tons of people taking photos of them when they left the ceremony. Not sure if any of them ever figured out that my parents were most certainly not rich or famous."
– mimicthefrench
Morbid Surprise
"I was best man at my sister in laws wedding (stepped in for the brother of the groom, that's another story entirely)."
"For a whole year of planning all the bride (SIL) wanted was a dove release while they said handwritten vows to each other. Very small, non denominational (most of the family are atheist anyway) wedding."
"Day arrives (early summer) and something is off with the bird handlers. They show up a bit late and are sourcing help from the wedding party to get everything in line. When the time comes to say their vows I help the handler carry the chest with the doves in it over to what is to be the altar where the bride and groom are standing."
"Vows are just about wrapping up and the handler gives ME the signal to open the chest. I open it and see 20-30 DEAD DOVES IN THE CRATE!!!! I immediately close it to try and limit who knows what happened. Too late. The look of horror on the bride's was all that was needed. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer everyone up but by the end of the reception the entire wedding party had organized and filed animal cruelty complaints on the handler. It was all anyone could focus on."
Tragic losses unfortunately befell leading up to or at a couple's nuptials.
The Wedding Guest Who Left Too Soon
"When I was 6 or 7 I went to a cousin's wedding. Everything was fabulous for little me, so much sugar everywhere, basically heaven. The reception was in a big community center that was reserved for the occasion. Went to the girls' bathroom, passing by the men's room to see my uncle on the floor. Went back to the main room to tell my dad my uncle was looking weird. Well, uncle had a stroke and had died."
"The bride spent the rest of the afternoon crying, and everyone except close family left."
"Bright side is the mariage is still going strong 20 years later, despite what happened that day."
– DecadentOrange
A Terminal Diagnosis
"Leading up to my friends wedding his father had been battling cancer after a terminal diagnosis. And it was touch and go whether he would be well enough to attend the wedding, in the end he was too unwell to attend despite wishing that he could."
"Just as we got to the wedding reception my friend was informed that his father had just passed away. It was devastating."
– boatson25
Wedding Crashers
"Happened to my classmate. He is successful middle level manager, divorced, about 35yo or so. Found a girl of his dreams but from a provincial poor town. The girl insisted to have the wedding in her town to show off her 'success.' The wedding is crashed by her old friends including male friends who are not that sophisticated and have some tense feelings towards the successful groom from the city. Somebody starts a fight in the middle of wedding, groom is trying to stop it and got stabbed in the back. Died right there. And he was my classmate."
– anarchyinuk
​An Unfortunate Trespassing
"The wedding was at a state park that's famous for its giant gorge/waterfall. I don't know whose idea this was, but someone suggested a photo overlooking this gorge and everybody was game. The wedding party went around a stone security barrier and the maid of honor literally fell off the cliff to her death. It was like 500+ feet."
– SingzJazz
With a lot riding on a wedding to go off without a hitch, the mounting pressure is one where something is surely to buckle.
And because wedding guests are usually inebriated and high on the buzz of celebration, they throw caution to the wind and make some choices they wouldn't make under normal circumstances.
People's ill-advised actions can have regretful consequences, but no one expects death to be an outcome.
Fortunately, the weddings I've attended or heard about from friends were not as catastrophic as the anecdotes mentioned above.
While the Redditors' stories are sorrowful, it gives me a sense of relief these devastating examples are rare occurrences.
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks Familiar
Broad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
Devastation!
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
- BBoySlim
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basics
law school finals GIFGiphy"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
season 4 lint roller GIF by Veep HBOUnlucky 13
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
- kelpself
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
Lazy Thoughts...
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Holy cow my parents do crap like this. It's so freaking weird. Their ultimate whack-a-doo move was to give my wife and I a few acres of their property."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...
Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
Bummer...
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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I definitely wouldn't turn down an excursion to AREA 51. I'd like to poke around and get a sense of the place. I've never personally been up close and face to face with a "non-Earther." Not sure I'd like to be...
TV Truth
x files monkey pee GIF by The X-FilesGiphy"UFOs/Aliens are a cover for all of the secret projects that the government is working on. Actually stole that from the X files."
Birth
"How human birth parallels alien abductions:
- Babies are taken from their home (womb)
- They still developing sight, so they see bright lights and grey figures.
- They hear an "alien" language they don't understand.
- They suddenly feel cold after leaving their womb.
- They are in a surgery room being poked with tons of instruments.
Long story short: some people suggest that abductions are just people who had memories of their birth."
In the Mind
"I just don't think anyone will ever see this. But I think that UFO's are the projection of our unconscious collective mind. Everything that exists in reality, also exists, in our immaterial mind. Is it possible that the insides of our mind are also just one drop in the ocean of consciousness... and together we create the material reality were in, simply by experiencing it in a real way, inside-out through our senses."
Flyover...
"My father was an aircraft mechanic and fabricator for test and spy aircraft for the USAF. He spent 75-85 working with test aircraft. He said that when they were going to do a test, that could possibly be seen by the public, they would make a betting pool on how many UFO reports local authorities and flight towers received."
Under the Sea
sci-fi ufo GIFGiphy"I like the idea that some UFOs aren't machines. Instead they are some sort of Upper-Atmosphere Jellyfish. I found the issue of Fortean Times that had this article. Here's the cover: http://ft.gjovaag.com/q/images/a/ae/FT291.jpg"
- BigD1970
Interesting. There are some ideas we can look into. None of it proof, but possibilities. There are certainly plenty of future film ideas.
Like 2012...
"We are like that un contacted tribe and everyone agrees not to bother us."
"I've heard it explained from a channel (idk if you know what channeling is) kinda like this. First of all, we as a species tend to freak out, shoot first and ask questions later. Most humans would have a literal psychotic break. You have to believe in vibrational energy as it relates to our consciousness."
"The aliens (certain ones) are at such a higher level that it would be jarring for us to come in close contact with. We are slowly getting there but it's a process. Like 2012, end of the Mayan calendar, wasn't the end of the world it was the end of an energy cycle that we as the human race had never made it past before."
"Previous civilizations have been destroyed or destroyed themselves before they got this far. We passed a point where we are very unlike to destroy ourselves anymore. This doesn't mean we won't see some real bad hardships yet but we will keep progressing."
- falecf4
"train your eyes"
Dancing GIFGiphy"I was a firm believer in t em when I was in high school and kept googling theories and info in my spare time and during my study halls. They said their bodies were so lightweight or something that the reason why you can't see the evidence is that they disintegrate before hitting the ground."
"And then LOL it was so funny, some people would swear you could "train your eyes" to see rods... HhhahAHAHAHA. Like there were these experts. Video showed him walking around with a serious face, then pointing. And he's like, "that was one just there." "You can't see them, you have to be used to them... like me."
"I've spent many years immersed into hunting them finding them. That's why I can see them." And then one day China, who loves occult stuff, had like a lab that set up a nighttime camera to capture footage of rods at night... then realized they were normal bugs at overexposure. lol"
Lurking
"The Dark Forest theory. Basically the theory that the reason we haven't made contact is because all the other civilized life in the universe/galaxy knows not to broadcast their location. They've learned that there's something awful or predatory lurking in the dark forest of our galaxy, and that it's better if they keep to themselves."
Unknowns...
"That the universe is so vast that we haven't been discovered yet."
- neoastic
"This makes sense to me because traversing the distance to or from even our our stellar neighbors would require technology that is not known to us now or likely to be known by us anytime soon if it's even possible at all. To assume without evidence that aliens could possess this technology and have visited us does not meet my skeptical standards."
- KZED73
Back and Forth
back to the future great scott GIFGiphy"Time travel exists, and UFO sightings are actually future humans coming back to our time. That is why they are so discreet, and never openly make contact."
I hope time travel exists. Now that I'm onboard for. If aliens do exist... just come on out guys. We could probably use your help.
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