Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay

A recent Reddit thread will leave you counting your blessings that sex doesn't actually go down like a bunch of misinformed, puberty-stricken kids think.

Good God that would be horrifying.



Let's face it. Many of us did not sit down for a long conversation about sex with our parents or our teachers. So, being kids, we used rumor and imagination to fill in the gaps.

Sex education often looked a little like the following:

First, someone's older sibling lied and said something crazy about how sex works. That kid believed the comment as gospel, and went to school the next day.

A committee was then formed at a lunch table, where any finer details and plot-holes were worked out through sheer will and blind enthusiasm.

Then, through oral tradition, a new understanding of sex took the school by storm.

jjgp1112 asked, "What were weird myths you thought about sex as a kid?"

​Sheathed Until Sunrise

"I had no clue what ejaculation was in 5th grade, so I though the thing went in and stayed there for like, the whole night. 7 hours or something, then the baby appeared" -- HaroldMcbob

"I used to think the same thing! I was always confused on how you would have sex while sleeping. I assumed you just had to get lucky and roll over top your partner in your sleep" -- SpongeV2

Years of Training

"I was not aware of the vagina having an access to an inside before I hit puberty, so I thought sex was, well, anal. And that birth was basically shi**ing a baby out."

"So anytime I was having a hard time with number 2 in the bathroom, I would try to motivate myself that I'm basically practicing the pain for child birth, and that it could be so much worse."

-- maheen9393

A Scary 3 Years 

"In elementary a kid asked me if I knew what a condom was."

"I went ahead and described a nicotine patch." -- Pluckt007

"Kid asked me the same. 'No,' I said."

"'Well... It's when you cut the skin off your penis,' he said as we kids stared at a used condom in the bushes at our elementary school."

"I spent 3 years believing that I had seen discarded penis skin." -- Snatch_Liquor

Power in the Bedroom 

"Whoever tried harder would determine the gender of the baby.." -- rosenes2

"Sheesh, then I certainly hope they were in agreement on who would "win" lol. I can't stop imagining a couple battle f***ing to the death." -- PumpkinPox

"Charles Darwin would be proud." -- Kennyboy_7

So Quaint

"My sister thinks sex is two people laying naked on top of each other and talking about marriage" -- satansgoldfish2222

"Depending on her age that's either really cute or really disturbing" -- zoe_2703

"the two sat there and layed naked on top of each other"

"Him: now that we are finally here on top of each other, what kind of house do you think would be nice? Her: oh I don't know, a townhouse seems nice" -- tastelessryan

Gushing 

"That you just put your di** inside a woman and then the sperm starts flowing continuously, like pee."

"Oh and that you actually have to push the sperm out yourself, like pee. You learn to do that when you get old enough."

-- minigopher

Biblical Mechanisms 

"I thought you literally could not have sex before marriage. It couldn't happen. The vagina would reject the penis like water and oil." -- ImInJeopardy

"I din't think this but I thought you could only get a girl pregnant if you were married."

"Little did I know, I was born a good 8 months before my parents got married!" -- jjgp1112

Utterly Grotesque 

"I thought sperm were the size of tadpoles."

"I thought they shot out and filled up the condom like a water balloon and you would be able to see and hear them slithering and wriggling around."

"Needless to say I was scared of sexual maturity for a while."

-- FractitiousBetaMale

The Warmest Condom Ever 

"I heard about sheepskin or lambskin condoms when I was a kid and for some reason imagined a guy wrapping one of my rabbit pelts around his member and trying to get that into a woman."

"Never occurred to me they'd just use the skin and not the whole hide."

-- BobaFettuccine

A Major Miscalculation

"I always thought homosexual meant that you like to have sex at home. I was trying to sound cool at summer camp when I was around 12 so I told everyone I was homosexual."

"All of the girls started hanging out with me and I thought all the guys were avoiding me because they were jealous."

"Realized my mistake later in the summer and never went back to that camp or talked to anyone there again."

Many blessings

One of my best friends growing up was Mormon. Luckily she had enough sexual education to understand how babies were made. She did, however, tell me about a distant cousin of hers who was so sheltered that she had absolutely no concept that sex existed at all. She and her husband both had no idea how to make babies. They thought married couples just had to pray to God to get pregnant, and they had no idea they were supposed to physically do anything.

They never had sex. After a year of "trying" (the prayer thing) they asked their bishop for spiritual guidance and what they were doing wrong, why God would not bless them with a child... And the bishop then had a very awkward sex talk with these adult people. Imagine, after a year of marriage, finding out from your bishop that you were supposed to be putting your WHAT in her WHAT!?!

floatingwithobrien

Food baby

I thought eating a lot of food until you got fat got you pregnant, this was reinforced when people said they have a 'food baby'.

SolomonKhalifa

Kiss 


Thought that babies were made by the kiss at the wedding. As in, you may kiss the bride, boom, pregnant. Also thought that you weren't allowed to kiss until marriage and this was why.

_spaceman_spliff

Butt what?

My friend told me when we were 7 that having sex was touching buts with a girl. Accidentally touched buts with a girl in the pool later and thought I had had sex. Took me a few years to figure it out.

J_avenue_

Blushing


I saw the episode of Seinfeld where George wanted to have makeup sex. I thought they meant makeup as in the beauty products you put on your face. When he was struggling to open the condom, I thought it was the pack of foundation he couldn't open. So nine year old me thought that people smeared makeup all over each other during sex.

fastfood12

Time table

My parents had six kids, all of us almost exactly two years apart. The logical 10yo me deduced that my parents had sex once - on their wedding night - and then the babies just started coming every two years.

ClimbAndRunAndStuff

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They say one man's trash is another man's treasure - and sometimes that saying is pretty literal.

Lots of people build entire businesses picking up cool stuff on bulk-pickup trash day, and upcycling it into something even better that people are willing to pay for.

Sometimes, you might even end up with something pristine and usable right away.

Reddit user JampackedAlborn1976 asked:

What is the most valuable item that you have seen somebody throw away or have found in the garbage?

And for real ... some of these people scored BIG TIME. Like big time. Like really big.

Like Refrigerator Big

just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night Live Giphy

"Our current refrigerator is a double-door one with exterior ice and water dispensers. We got it for free, with absolutely no problems whatsoever. It's just a few years old."

"How we got it? My dad (civil engineer) was doing some work on someone's apartment when they said they had bought a new modern French door refrigerator and that they were just going to discard their current refrigerator."

"My dad simply asked if he could have it.. and they said yes." - SauloJr

Immigrants In Action

Dog Brazil GIF Giphy

"I immigrated to the US from Brazil when I was 12. And every Saturday, my mom, stepdad, sister and I would go out at night to upper middle class neighborhoods the day before trash pickup to rummage through the garbage they were putting out."

"We found perfectly good TVs, VCRs, microwaves, couches, lazy boys, tables, books and comics, etc."

"I couldn't believe these Americans were throwing out like that. We furnished our entire house with that stuff. The entire Brazilian immigrant community in my town did it. We were flabbergasted." - PhillipLlerenas

With A Note

Television Bunny GIF Giphy

"My wife yelled at me that someone put a big TV outside with a note on it. Walked across the street and it was a brand new Samsung 37 inch HDTV."

"They were actually renovating the apartment building and got an upgraded TV. Even had the remote taped to it with batteries, I guess I have really nice neighbors here in NYC." - MadLintElf

Life Hack!

studying busy philipps GIF by Drunk History Giphy

"If you want high end stuff out of the garbage for free, follow these steps:"

"Pick a city with a large university in it. If it's a school well known for its law programs, or medical, or engineering, all the better."

"Search for luxury apartment complexes that market themselves towards students. Look for things like included shuttle service, pools, fitness centers, etc. The more expensive and swanky the better."

"Figure out when finals week is at the end of Spring semester."

"Dumpster dive at those luxury apartment complexes during that week and the following weekend."

"Very wealthy international students will arrive in the US, fully outfit an apartment with nice furniture, big TVs, audio systems, gaming consoles, you name it, and when the semester ends they just junk it all because they aren't going to fly it back to wherever, and it's too much effort to spend the time selling when they do not care about the money."

"It's a smaller scale phenomenon a little like all the luxury cars abandoned at the airport in Dubai." - whattothewhonow

Literal Gold Treasure

valley of the boom david kim stanley GIF by National Geographic Channel Giphy

"I found a gold coin at goodwill for 5 bucks. It was in a case with someone's name and company name."

"It was their gift from the company for retiring. I assume the family threw it out when he died not knowing it was solid gold. It was in a in a thick solid plastic case that had to be cracked opened."

"It literally said 1 oz fine gold on it. I figured 5 bucks was worth the risk it not being real."

"It was a South African KRUGERRAND 1 oz coin. Everyone was just too busy to read it lol."

"Bought it and took it too a pawn shop and sold it for a couple grand." - streetmitch

The Best Day Of My Life

Will Smith Wow GIF by 1LIVE Giphy

"When I was a kid, I grew up right outside the Los Angeles area in the suburbs. My stepdad was a garbage truck driver for the city of Beverly Hills."

"I swear in the late 80s and early 90s we'd have so much basically brand new stuff (still in boxes) brought home on a regular basis."

"I'll never forget one day in particular. My stepdad came home and was like 'get ready, come to the car, I'll need your help.' So I go down there and in back seat of his car he had a few large black garbage bags."

"We haul them up to our apartment and he's like 'go ahead, open them.' Inside was what I could only describe as an 80s kids trove of treasures."

"One bag contained just about every Ghostbusters and GI joe toy you can imagine, they were played with but had every little accessory, there was a bunch the playsets and everything."

"In the other bag was pretty much every LEGO of the early 80s sets, still in their original boxes. I was a big LEGO nerd but was totally thrown off by the old school space ones because they looked nothing like the 90s space sets. I think they even said "NASA" the minifig's chests."

"That was like a random day in July, it felt like Christmas. I was 9 years old and it was basically like the best day of my life up to that point." - Zombgief

Who Throws Away Money?

spongebob squarepants money GIF Giphy

"A jar full of quarters."

"Annual spring cleaning projects happen in a lot of towns where anyone can put almost anything on the curb and it's taken away for free. It's to stop open dumping or stuff being dumped in ditches."

"Sometimes people deal with estates from winter by just dumping all their grandfather's stuff on the curb for the cleanup to get the house empty immediately. Most often they don't even bother to look at what they are throwing away."

"In 2012 on north road in Akwesasne I found an estate pile that I shuttled back and forth with my bike trailer getting lots of older tools like a scythe, hammers, saws, screwdrivers and wrenches, a 22 rifle with 100 round of ammo, a bunch of ar15 magazines, cast iron cookware, oil lamps, a hand crank food mill with all kinds of accessories, a black raven axe head (worth $100 easily since they are a collectable), and a quart size mason jar full of change mostly quarters."

"That was spring and the sheriffs office did a gun buyback in the fall where I took the mags and got $20 each for them (30 round mags suddenly illegal under the safe act of fall 2012. The buyback was a local political move). I still got the 22 and picked off a lot of woodchuck with it in my gardens." - Bogtrotterso1980

Filing Fever

Files Workload GIF Giphy

"I own a small company which is located directly in front of a state funded program facility. The state decided to have this office shred all of their files as they were going to switch to electronic data (exclusively)."

"We found two of these old rotary filing cabinets outside of their office. They're worth almost $3k each!"

"They just placed them there and we saw them and asked what they planned on doing with them. They said, 'Hmmm.....either donate them or trash them.' The state told them simply to get rid of them."

"We jumped at this and took the two into our already tiny office because there was no way in hell that we were going to let these gems go. (We do use paper files, unfortunately)."

"They wanted to give us two smaller ones but seriously, our office is very small. I made some phone calls and they were picked up immediately by other office workers/friends." - GlitzBlitz

This Sucks - In A Good Way!

mrs doubtfire vacuum GIF Giphy

"In the 1990s my moms work had a really nice high end Hoover that stopped working. They threw it out."

"My mom took it home because my dad tinkers and repairs things easily. Turns out since it was a bagged vacuum all the dummies had to do is REPLACE THE BAG."

"Like it never occurred to them to do the most easy and basic step. My parents were excited to have a really upgraded vacuum. Maybe like $500ish." - schweddyboobs

Tiffany's Trash

Audrey Hepburn Movie GIF by The Good Films Giphy

"My dad found an old stained glass window laying out by someone's trash. He thought it would look cool hanging in our cabin, so he stopped and grabbed it."

"It sat in our garage for a few years before he looked at it more closely and found "Tiffany and Co." branding on it. He got in touch with some stained glass window dude who figured it was worth about $40k fully restored, so my dad sold it to him for somewhere around $30k." - throwaway_stopdrink

Have you had any awesomely trashtastic treasures? Let us know!