Growing up nobody tells you that there are TONS of jobs out there to choose from.
We're presented options like "teacher" and "doctor" and "lawyer" and "sales person" - but nobody tells you that you can grow up to be a table, someone's fake boyfriend, or a shark-booper.
Yeah, I'm particularly heated about not knowing that last one was an option. Kid me would have chosen a vastly different career path had I known professional shark-booper was an option.
Reddit user CaptainLiv47 asked:
"What was the weirdest job you have ever had?"
They say it's never too late to make a change, so maybe there's still time for me to boop some sharks when I "grow up."
Clearly there are TONS of weird work options, though.
Exactly 12
"I used to work for the US National Institute of Standards and Technology, Weights and Measures Division— I was in charge of making sure all rulers were exactly 12 inches long."
- 0Ring-0
"I work in Quality in manufacturing. This is way more important than people think."
- WET318
"I picture you having this ruler made of pure platinum that is EXACT, then going to like school supply manufactures and just snapping random rulers off the production line to compare them."
"I also picture you with a big mustache and tiny glasses."
- dbatchison
GiphyShark Booper
"Underwater videographer for a National Geographic documentary shoot on Tiger Sharks."
"There were always two of us underwater for the filming. One with the camera and the other one just behind and above with a long aluminum pole with a crossbar on the end. We called it 'the Defender Pole'."
"If any shark came too close (these were some very large sharks) to the cameraman, you'd give it a gentle boop on the snoot with 'The Defender Pole'."
"The project was headed by a guy named Greg Marshall, who invented a device called "Crittercam" to attach to wildlife such as sharks, turtles, lions and stuff. He was the Nat Geo producer, and along with the amazing Birgit Buhleier, headed the documentary project."
"Monkey Mia in Shark Bay, Western Australia is a very remote beach resort famous for the wild dolphin population which comes in close to the beach most days. The greater Shark Bay area is home to a huge & diverse range of marine life - including a shitload of sharks of course."
"There is a resident group of international scientists who come from all over the world to study there (dolphins, sharks, turtles). One of the PhD candidates was studying Tiger Sharks (Mike Heithaus) and Nat Geo teamed up with him to film his research as part of the documentary storyline - including putting Crittercams on the dorsal fins of the sharks to see what they did in their natural habitat."
"The sharks would be temporarily caught on static lines, then measured, blood samples taken etc - and then the Cam would be temporarily attached to the fin."
"A lot of our filming work was to be underwater during the catch and release stage - Ian Kellett (the Head Cinematographer and great friend from then on) & myself, one of us filming, the other on Boop Snoot duties with 'The Defender Pole' as the shark swam away."
"The Crittercam would automatically release after some hours, we would retrieve the device and they would study the footage. It was fascinating."
- seavisionburma
GiphyGranny Stripper
"I once asked a guy what he did for work and he told me he 'drove a granny stripper'."
"I assumed this was slang for some road building or agricultural machinery, but nope... He was the driver for a 70 year old stripper."
"I think it was sort of a 'gag gift' situation, for example where she might be hired by the best man at a bucks night to gross out the groom. I can only assume she was ok with that."
- AnchovyMargherita
"I once had a job as a Stripper working for a printer. The job had nothing to do with removing my clothes."
"What that meant was that I took a brush and painted some stuff on tiny holes that would appear in the film they were using to develop the printing plates."
"The printer specialized in making those paper menus and similar things. ONE of our clients was "Busty Rusty" (or was it "Rusty Busty"? I forget...) an actual stripper that wanted some flyers put out on the tables at the strip club she worked for."
- RetiredEpi
GiphyOn-Call... Kinda
"I made $30k a year to be this guy's on call driver when he came to LA."
"He only came like twice a year for a day or two at a time and I got to drive his Bentley when he was in town."
"I wasn't an official Bentley chauffeur, though they do exist."
"I got my ARCA racing safety credentials at 16 and my NASCAR credentials at 18. Class A at 21 with every added credential possible and then I gave one of my buddies rich friends a ride home one night."
"We talked on the drive from Hollywood to Santa Barbara to his house and the next day I got a call from someone richer than him thanking me for getting his friend home safely and offering me the job."
- Toof-Less
GiphyFree Samples
"I once got paid to give out free samples of coffee at a gas station."
"I got there at 5am to be given this huge backpack with a giant container of coffee in it, and it had an air compressed nozzle that I would use to spray coffee into sample size cups."
"I was told to approach anyone pumping gas and give them one."
"It was a disaster. The air pressure was too much so the coffee would blast out every time and get all over my clothes. I kept burning myself as a result."
"It was a heatwave so no one really wanted them anyways and people laughed in my face."
"Multiple people also told me I should have gone to college, which I was in. This was just part of a summer job before my senior year."
"It was humiliating and I never went back."
- earthshifts
GiphyJapanese Cabaret Girls
"I used to live down the road from a cabaret club in Japan - like a place where you paid to drink with girls and talk to them, basically. Not overtly sexual but if the cabaret girl was willing it could be."
"I used to stay up late back then so often bumped into them coming back from work around 2-3am. Some of them were basically my neighbors and I offered some supper once."
"They rarely ate properly if at all and drank too much at work so they took to the supper with the type of gusto you only get when you're drunk-peckish."
"I guess they liked my cooking. And I was a decent listener I suppose, so they hung around more and more and got guilty about eating too much of my food."
"That turned into me getting this weird gig where I got paid to essentially make food for 5-6 cabaret girls per night and let them drink bottled tea and bitch about their clients till they sobered up."
"Sometimes they puked or had to crash at mine because they were too wasted; if that happened they often paid me a bit more out of embarrassment despite me insisting they didn't have to."
"Some of them made BANK. 10k to 15k USD per month on average. I was paid like 40 per head so could make 200 per night in cash usually. Did that 2-3 days a week while I was living in Japan. Weird but really not all that bad and supplemented my living costs nicely."
"At the end of the day, they just wanted someone to talk to after a long day and homemade food to come back to."
- threechance
GiphyThe Intern
"Internship at a sex shop…. Don’t ask me how but my school managed to find a spot in the financial sector at a sex shop."
"I kid you not, the lady was the only person working there and she had 4 interns managing the whole business whilst she was maybe a few hours each week at the shop."
"At one point she even said f*ck it, you guys are managing the shop as well."
"We had no idea wtf we were supposed to do."
"One time a customer came in and asked us if we could sell some weed. We said we don’t sell that here, he went away and we called our boss explaining what happened. She yelled at us through the phone for not selling him drugs because apparently she sold drugs."
"Note that drugs are allowed in our country but only to be sold at verified stores."
"After that (this was like 1.5/2months into the intern ship and we were supposed to be there for 9 months) we were all like hell no, we ain’t getting paid so we won’t deal with this shit."
"She was unstable as f*ck shouting at us if we did something wrong if she was at the office/shop. We left a note on the door that the shop was closed, locked the door, informed our school and left the fuck out of there."
- Nutella_Cooki
GiphyInventing Stories
"I spent the summer working a night shift as a writer/editor on the tv series Big Brother. Very strange. I felt like Ed Harris in the Truman Show."
"But the best thing was, we were all at desks on the big sound stage at Elstree Studios, where films like Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark were made. Under my desk in yellow chalk, it said GOTHAM CITY WEST as they’d just finished filming a Batman film there."
"My job was to follow everything as it happened via a huge bank of loads of monitors. Then write up 'stories' that would go on the site and then be picked up by national tabloids and other websites."
"The problem was, if two housemates had an argument at 2.15am and I wrote about it and uploaded it, then other media would pick up on it pretty much instantly and then the Big Brother TV programme the next evening would have to cover that and show footage."
"So I was essentially the first line of deciding what got on the show the following day. And I would see everything totally live and unedited. Including at one point a drunk woman sticking a wine bottle up herself."
"But there was a lot of narrative shaping as well. You could make someone look funny by only covering the funny things they said/did. Or make someone look clumsy by only showing the times they were clumsy. Or stupid, etc."
"If they filmed you or I for 24hours then it would be easy to pick out the things we did at certain times and create a narrative about us."
- fletchindubai
GiphyStand-In
"I was a stand-in boyfriend for girls to take home during festival periods. Just so the girl don’t have to deal with the parents / grandparents grilling them for being single / leftover woman."
"Was a fun gig, I got free food, meet some nice and interesting people."
"I stopped now that I’m married, but my wife still wants to pimp me out for that extra $ LOL"
"This is actually very common where I'm currently based (Hong Kong). I hear same stories in China also."
"There are markets for male and female where I have heard people do trades where people go to each other families and after the dinners they go back to their normal life."
"But sometimes people pick people who are more presentable or even speak another language, I don't know why but I assumed it's for a exit strategy to tell parents we broke up afterwards?"
- Icewing
GiphyBeing A Table
"Human buffet table."
"I went to a sex convention to visit some friends who were working and ended up getting tossed a spare vendor badge. Spent the whole weekend hanging out in the Dungeon, chatting with slaves and their Masters and watching the live stage shows."
"Went for a smoke and ended up chatting with a lady who ran a pole dancing studio (they were doing fully clothed pole dancing demos on the stage all weekend) and we were just chatting when her phone rings and it's her employee bailing on a private event in like 2 days."
"She starts complaining about it, and I guess she was hired to MC a new year's event for a BDSM group at a strip club. Her staff was entirely former pro strippers so she had hired a couple of them to be human buffet tables, but everyone bailed. I jokingly said "fuck, that would be cool!" and she offered me the job."
"I got free tickets ($75/each) for me and my boyfriend at the time to the party and had a blast. Then at 11:00, I went in a back room, stripped to just my thong and was wrapped head to toe in saran wrap."
"I laid on a table, they layered all the food on me and then I got carried out on the table like a fucking queen by 4 big bouncers."
"I was told to have fun with it, so I would talk to people a bit as they grabbed the food. A lot of them had no idea it was a real person and thought it was a blow up doll or something until I would say hi."
"I scared a lot of people. Lmfao"
"At 11:45 I got ushered to the strippers change room, removed the saran wrap, had a quick shower, got redressed and went to keep partying."
"I made $750 and met so many awesome people."
- purple-paper-punch
GiphyHere, Piggy Piggy
"Pig wanker."
"Best paid job. As the lab technician (I could use Google) I got a big house all to myself. Because I have no sense of smell, the job didn't bother me at all."
"All I really had to do was sit on a stool with a pig d*ck in one hand and a cup in the other, then look down a microscope count sperm. $28 an hour and a house to myself. I was f*cking mad to give it up."
"Now as a vet tech in Canada I calculate drugs, monitor for surgery and explain vaccines to morons six days a week 8-10 hours a day and get screamed at for $21."
- Bushtuckapenguin
Happy Illumination Entertainment GIF by Sing MovieGiphyThe Tutor
"I once tutored a lady who ran a whorehouse to help her get her high school equivalency."
"She got it. Then she went on to law school to become a lawyer and represent sex workers."
- CatboyInAMaidOutfit
"Wow thats pretty impressive"
- CaptainLiv47
Alison Brie Community GIFGiphyLiving History
"I worked for a living history farm."
"One day I'd be tending the gardens, the next I'd be in period clothing teaching kids how to make paper stationary or hand dipped candles, and the next I'd be be dressed up pouring wine and serving hor d'oeuvres. No two days were the same."
"On the grounds we had a Victorian house full of antiques, old barns, gardens, ponds, walking trails, chickens, cows, horses, etc."
"I loved that job."
- Moonlight1219
county offaly architecture GIF by Acorn TVGiphyVisual Verification
"No idea what the title of this job was…but in college my job was part of the athletics department. I was given a list of student athlete pictures and I had to go to each class, stare through the glass in the door, and make sure they were attending."
"They could have been kicked off the team if I didn’t see them. It was really difficult when I had to go to 200+ lectures."
"As an epilogue, that job lost its funding the following semester so then they put me in the athletics study center where athletes had to sign in for so many hours a week."
"I had to police these other college students and make sure they were studying. I was also absolutely NOT ALLOWED to do any schoolwork at this work study job."
"I found so many students sleeping but didn’t say anything."
- SirDaedra
Interested Creep GIFGiphyThe Sessions
"I’m a musician, both live and studio, and I have had some very strange gigs in both settings."
"I did some studio vocal work for a 'songwriter' whose songs were clearly all about him having an affair. They were the corniest, and frankly god awful songs, but a gig is a gig."
"The weirdest part was how he would talk to me between sets. He would be like:"
" 'Hey, that was a really great take man, really great. Hey on this next one, I want you to picture yourself at a swanky hotel bar, and you lock eyes with the girl at the end, she’s just sent a drink your way' blah blah blah.”
"He would just go on and on, 'painting mental pictures' for me. Basically just telling me details about his affair. Very weird, and annoying on many levels, but mostly because I had the worst of those godforsaken non-songs in my head for like a month after."
"He still calls me every now and then to ask me to sing on stuff, and somehow I’m always busy on the day of the session."
- bassocontinubow
Times Square Smile GIF by sonybroadwayGiphyNot Fun
"Guerilla grower helper."
"Wake up at 3am, drive to the woods, hike in hundreds of pounds of fertilizer. Act like a farmer. Go home."
"Paid $250 a day in the mid 90s. It was so stressful I only did it one season."
"But it did lead me to trim jobs. Pay was great, but a month of trimming 8 hours a day is very tedious."
"Cannabis is one of my favorite things but the farming and processing the product is not fun."
- theironunderneath
half baked smoking GIFGiphyPlaying With An Octopus
"Worked at an aquarium behind the scenes looking after all the fishes. It was wonderful and I miss it, honestly so peaceful."
"Part of the job was 'enrichment' for the octopus."
"This involved building lego food puzzles for him that he would have to take apart to get food, and other such puzzles to get to food. We also got 'octopus cuddles' on rare occasions when he was feeling friendly which was just him saying hello and wrapping a tentacle or two around your arm."
"Most of the rest of the job was tank maintenance, daily water testing, feeding, cleaning etc"
"One time had to assist on a fish post-mortem too, to ensure cause of death was no risk of disease or issue that would harm the remaining fish."
- smolandworried
IT
"I had a 2 week contracted assignment to fill in for an IT support guy who was taking some time off."
"I had no knowledge of the computer system that I was supposed to be supporting. I didn't even have a login. I just sat there and read the newspaper until the day was over."
"Thankfully, the phone never rang once. I think it was some sort of scam position that the manager had running with the IT placement firm."
- dartdoug
Season 6 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphySpeech To Text
"My weirdest job was also my coolest and best job. I worked for a deaf/Hard-of-Hearing relay center."
"The user would log in to a text system and give us a phone number, and then I would place the call, acting as their mouthpiece."
"It was kind of strange at first because I had to get used to listening and speaking in complete monotone simultaneously, because we relayed the hearing user's part of the conversation via speech-to-text software so we had to be clear and robotic for the software."
"Doing both sides of the conversation was a bit strange. But, I felt like I had a job that was worthwhile, even if I did end up going through the automated system for social security several times a day."
"What made it strange was when we had to relay calls that were obviously pranks, but had to take them anyway because we have no idea if the person in the text system is hearing or not, and even if they're not, we weren't in the business of censoring anyone's phone calls."
"If they want to prank call, that's their business."
"One of my last days there, I had to listen to the older woman who sat behind me say, 'oh. Yes. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Yes. F*ck me hard,' in the most robotic monotone for forty-five minutes."
- Silence115
Cant Hear Baby Boomers GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphyWhat Should Have Been A Guy's Dream Come True
"Costume dresser."
"I was around 21 at the time and was beyond excited to be working on a feature. The main costume dresser left because she wasn't getting paid (and later I found I wouldn't either) so I was picked to do the job because I was the only one close in age to the main actresses -- youngest being 18 and oldest being 25."
"The studio thought they'd be more comfortable with me."
"I was stoked because I knew I was about to see f*cking hot and nude college aged girls. That is how I was looking at it as a dude and for a moment that was exactly what I got."
"It was awesome and would be a moment I'd cherish forever...and then it wasn't."
"You see, I learned an important lesson that day -- a life lesson really: dressing women in general sucks."
"Holy crap, as a guy you would not believe how incredibly challenging and difficult it is to get women dressed for a movie! You cannot believe the sh*t they go through.
"Some of the clothes had to be taped to their bodies to be form fitting. They also had to wear pasties, which if you don't get them on correctly you then have to peel off; which is essentially like ripping duct tape off your nipple."
"There's also pins you have to poke in and then sew on. Even more tape was used on their breasts to prevent them from bouncing (bras were a no-no because you can see their outline on the costumes -- not form fitting)."
"Thigh high leather boots are not functional to walk in and are like two sizes too small, and need even more tape to be form fitting."
"Unitards (which is what they wore for the finale) usually means your butt cheeks will hang out, so more tape, needles, and glue there too. Lots of baby powder to get into the costumes quicker."
"The women got hurt, they couldn't breathe, they'd piss themselves because they couldn't get out of the costumes in time."
"Blood and band aids. Sweat filled balloons that were spanx. Tears that could fill a bowl of soup."
"It was unlike any pain I'd ever seen or experience I've ever heard of."
"What should have been a guy's dream come true soon became a walking nightmare that could only be thought up by some gender studies professor with pink hair and a belly. Never before have I understood a concept so completely foreign to me. I'll never experience this in my life ever, but just working around it and having to comfort some of these girls and women because it just got too much."
"So yeah, now anytime I see a movie where a woman is wearing a costume that isn't just clothes, I f*cking wince. Yes, there are sets that have been able to run through these things smoother and less painful. But the one I worked was working on a budget of a college dorm room, so we didn't necessarily have top professionals here."
"Still, the stories I've heard in that part of the film community are not far off from this story either."
- Bellude
Screaming Ashton Kutcher GIFGiphyYou've read what Reddit has done for weird work, but what about you?
We know our readers aren't all working 9-5 jobs.
It's your time to shine, you wonderful weirdos, so tell us what you do!
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
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The Best Responses If A Christian Claims 'You're Going To Hell' For Not Conforming With Their Beliefs
In spite of the separation of church and state and the fact that anyone should be able to freely practice any religion they choose, an ever-increasing number of far-right conservatives have used their Christian beliefs to espouse hatred and bigotry.
An all too common attack they utilize is telling someone who disagrees with them that they're "going to Hell."
Unfortunately, this prediction rarely leads people to quake in their boots as was intended.
And instead, they're the ones who often find themselves at a loss for words when the people they verbally attack have a comeback line all prepared.
"What's the best response to a Christian saying 'you're going to hell'?"
How Else Would They Know?
"'See you later!'"
"A skater boi dropped this one on holy rollers in college, the rest of us thought it was absolutely brilliant."- Ishidan01
"See you there then."- CuddleDemon04
He's Always Listening...
"It makes Jesus sad when you say that"- OperationBackground2
Can I You Show Me On A Map?
“'Where?'”
"Act like you’ve never heard of it—concede none of the authority or credibility they are used to having."
"'What do you mean, after I die—how can I go somewhere after I die, I’ll be dead?'"
"'My what?'"
"'Do you see these souls often, friend, is one in the room right now?'"- RidesThe7
Some People Have Heard Worse...
"Shrug, say 'Ok' , and walk away."
"You not caring riles them up even more."- ExRetribution
I See It Differently
"Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man."- EnvironmentalPack451
Animation Disagree GIF by Moving Picture ShowGiphyWhen Was The Last Time You Actually Read A Bible?
"Judge not, that you be not judged."
"For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you."
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
"Matthew 7, 1-3."- Aas-im-Aermel
“'Live a good life'."
"'If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by'."
"'If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them'."
"'If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones'.― Marcus Aurelius."- Trygolds
"I thought God is the only judge of our soul?"
"Who are you to take his place?"
"It's better to attack them using their own teachings and beliefs that contradict their statement."- ZaiJianDada
Bible GIF by GlorifyAppGiphyTell Me Something I Don't Know...
"Aren't we all already here?"- YaMa-Ma
When The High Road Doesn't Seem To work...
"The Australian thing to say is "Get f*cked c*nt!"- IllTruck3645·
Give Them A Taste Of Their Own Medicine
"According to your God, so are you for doing his job and judging."- Reddit
Episode 5 Burn In Hell GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySay. Nothing...
"Stare at them blankly and don't hide your confusion."
"Don't say anything."
"Let them talk."
"They will keep talking, and the more they talk, the more uncomfortable they will make themselves."
"If they ask you any direct questions, don't answer them, just keep looking more and more puzzled."
"At the very most, shrug in total confusion."
"Do your best quizzical dog impression."
"They will give up and walk away, and regardless of how they try to seem outwardly, they will feel defeated, and question whether being an enormous a**hole is worth it."
"It may not last once they get back into their bubble of people who think that's a great way to act, but realistically, it's the only way to fight back."
"The minute you engage with them at all, you lose."
"Any comeback feeds into the victim complex inherently baked into Christianity."
"The only winning move is not to play."- PowermanFriendship
Will Ferrell Blank Stare GIFGiphyIt can be very easy to judge others.
But one can't help but stifle their laughter at those who judge others for not being as devoutly Christian as they are.
As they are all but literally going against the beliefs they are supposedly practicing.
Life is chuck full of annoyances.
Every day, in every way there is something or someone ready to set the rest of us off.
This is why we need meds, therapy, and chamomile tea.
When the simplest things can send you into a blind rage, you need a little relaxer.
But what is it about these small things that can cause such a stir?
I mean the world hasn't ended, but it feels like it.
Let's discuss...
Redditor ItzFlexyBoi wanted to discuss all of the things that drive us crazy, so they asked:
"What is a mildly inconvenient thing that annoys the hell out of you?"
I can't stand when business hours differ in person than what is listed online.
How does that happen?!
Get UP!
Dropping Michael Scott GIF by Prime Video UKGiphy"When I drop something small onto the floor and have to pick it up. I've completely turned into my father. I usually roll my eyes, sigh as I bend down to pick it up, and then growl angrily when it takes a couple of tries to actually pick it up."
JMCrown
I'm NOT Done!!
"When a motion sensor sink turns off before I’m done with it."
YourSecretSidepiece
"When I was little I hated the concept of taking a crap in the supermarket because I did one time and the automatic toilet flushed twice while sitting on it. Don’t get me wrong, automatic toilets are a great concept, reduce germ spread through touching a handle and whatnot, and they suck in execution."
"Update: used an auto toilet at a highway rest stop and it flushed while I was peeing in it. Damn."
Tra1nGuy
Wire Snap
"Getting wired earphones caught on a handle and having them ripped out of your head. I instantly rage."
CalvinSays
"This used to happen to my husband in our old house, mainly with pockets of pants. I never really understood how maddening this could be since I'm shorter and it didn't happen to me."
"We moved and now in our new place, this happens to me because the handles are at my pockets' height instead of his. I suddenly understand his past frustration at this small thing!"
spinozasnodgrass
Where is the HELP?
"Please remove the item from the basket, please add the item to the basket, and please wait for assistance."
Rollthembones1989
"What they do now also is there will be different bays with about 6 self-checkouts per bay. Instead of having one employee watching each bay checking IDs, helping out, etc, they will have one employee watching 20+ self-check-out machines frantically running from one person needing help to another."
Rollthembones1989
Trickles
Water Se Laver GIF by Benjamin SiksouGiphy"Washing your face in the bathroom sink and the water trickling down your arms towards your elbows."
AlgernonZX
Seriously. Why does water want to splash all over us, all of the time?
NOOOOO!!!!!
Angry Rooster Teeth GIF by Achievement HunterGiphy"Charging your phone and sleeping then find out that it wasn’t charging overnight and it’s about to die."
Aquahert
"The wooooorst."
Milfshake23
Not Again
"Having to wait 3 extra seconds for YouTube ads every time I want to watch a 30-second video."
JoyIsDumb
"My biggest pet peeve is getting the same ads over and over again. Sometimes I have to close my eyes and mute the audio/look away because after seeing the same ad 100 times it feels like a torture technique out of a CIA manual."
DroidLord
"Even worse when it’s two 15-second unskippable ads."
Tra1nGuy
1 ITEM Issues!
"Leaving something in the other room and remembering I need it after I sit down."
Preszidenmt
"Sitting down and your drink/remote/phone etc... is just slightly out of reach so you have to stand up again."
Robinho311
"I do that with the grocery store. Driving home when I remember 1 item that I went for and forgot."
Famous_Bit_5119
"My husband can NEVER tell me everything he needs from downstairs at once. So I end up making 4 trips."
Rahallahan
Lane Chick
"Getting in the wrong (slowest) checkout line."
PongoWillHelpYou
"I ALWAYS get in the line where someone wants to pay in change, needs to cash a check, or doesn’t know how to use a card reader. Every. Time."
musteatpoptarts
"Nothing like stopping at a gas station on your way to work only to get stuck behind the guy who's buying 75 lottery tickets."
TaintedLye
"Or switching lanes and you end up in one that's even slower."
DeathSpiral321
MOVE!!
Giphy"Slow walkers and people who stop walking in the middle of a crowded area and don't move despite people being behind them. Head to a wall or seat and check your phone there, don't just stop walking in the middle of a crowd. FFS."
NeonSugarSorbet
Library Volume Please
"People who listen to things in public areas without headphones. PLEASE I do not want to hear whatever crappy TikTok you're watching."
starrfast
"My partner does this ALL THE TIME!!! We could be watching something together and she'll pull out her phone and start watching TikTok."
"And she doesn't seem to think it's rude. One time she did that and I paused what we were watching and said 'I didn't wanna interrupt.' Another time I changed it altogether since she wasn't interested."
"But if I glance at my phone once I'm 'on my phone a lot.'"
AnytimeInvitation
I approve of every item on this list.
But like I said, I'm easily annoyed.
Even if you weren't alive, chances are, you know about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin being the first two people to ever walk on the moon. In fact, you may know someone who was alive when it happened and watched it on TV.
The fact is, an estimated 530 million people watched the moon landing on TV, and yet, some people still think its fake.
There is a conspiracy theory out there that says we faked the moon landing to convince the Russians that the United States had won the space race! It's crazy, strange, and most of all, stupid. The proof is in the pudding (or in the American flag Armstrong planted on the moon).
Redditors know of lots of stupid conspiracy theories, and they are only too eager to share!
It all started when Redditor willywonkerbonker asked:
"What is the stupidest conspiracy theory?"
Flat, Flatter, Flattest
"That the earth is flat"
"Edit: I have come to the conclusion that the earth is in fact the shape of a doughnut."
"Second edit: I have come to my second conclusion to the fact that mars is indeed a chocolate bar"
– CivilVolume
Tracker
"Microchip in vaccines. If the government wanted to spy on you, they could do it a thousand times easier by tapping your phone."
– Nikola_Turing
"Anybody with a smart phone voluntarily agreed to be tracked and followed 24/7 the moment they turned it on haha"
"lol people are so silly.."
– BeginningCap2333
It's A Bird, It's A Plane!
"That planes can't actually fly because the claimed weight of fuel cannot fit into the size of the tanks and even if it did, it would make the plane too heavy to fly."
– teefau
"If planes aren't flying... How do people fly in planes and get out the other side....."
– ftmtxyz
They've Already Won
"I'm from the UK and the theories about this alarm system the government are putting on the phones is wild."
– _Rare_Smoke_
"“They’re doing it to control us!!!” They’re the government. They govern you. They are the law makers. They already control you. They don’t need to make a big conspiracy to do that."
– Mushroomc0wz
6 Continents
"That Australia does not exist"
– germany_science_1
"They say that everyone in Australia are payed actors. If that’s true then where is my bloody check?!"
– Drunky_the_Snowman
"Still waiting on mine"
– willywonkerbonker
My Cat, My Choice
"A former friend and mentor called me up one day and said that she read somewhere that pets in America consume more meat than the entire country of France. And since raising livestock is bad for the environment, the article said liberals want all pets destroyed. That's why she lives in a red state and has so many guns, to protect her cats from the liberals. I asked her to send me that article but she never did."
– Squatchopotamus
"Pretty sure pets are loved by liberals and conservatives alike lol. At least, all the ppl I know in both sides have at least a goldfish."
– Jessiefrance89
Famous Clones
"That Avril Lavigne was replaced with a look alike, as if aging and plastic surgery aren’t things."
– babythrottlepop
"This has been going on since Paul McCartney was accused of being cloned. Look up the Paul Is Dead theory"
"After that it was Eminem"
"Now Avril"
"Soon will probably be Justin Beiber or Kid Laroi or something."
– Fun-Adhesiveness9219
True Freedom
"The idea that "walkable cities" is some NWO/WEF plot to "control" people and keep them confined to small areas."
"Walkable cities is how most cities, and even many suburbs and small towns, used to be. My mother grew up in South Boston in the 60s and 70s, and she points out how she had almost everything her family needed within a 5-10 walk of her house: grocery stores, delis, banks, pharmacies, corner stores, schools (two on her block and one across the street), liquor store, boutique, shoe store, toy store, post office, candy and ice cream, barbers and hairstylists, playgrounds and parks, bars and restaurants, repair shop, hardware store, a family doctor, a dentist, laundromat, coffee and donuts, and pizza."
"More was reachable by bike, the rest of Boston by public transportation, and her father and friends had cars to go elsewhere...they just didn't need to use their cars to go everywhere, because the basics were readily accessible to them. But sure, being wholly reliant on cars and having to shell over tens of thousands of dollars to auto makers and oil CEOs to spend time idling in traffic just for the basic necessities and daily services of life, that's Freedom™."
– Dahhhkness
"I lived for a year in the city centre of Munich, I had every type of shop and restaurant within walking distance, everything else was connected by a super cheap and reliable tram, bus and subway system. Parking was a premium and people with cars tended to only really use them to go out to the countryside or if they worked in a space outside the city slightly too far from a train station."
"It was expensive but nowhere near London levels for example. And not needing a car frees up a lot of income."
–Wind_Yer_Neck_In
Gone But Not Forgotten
"All the “dead celebrity is secretly alive” crap."
"2Pac and Biggie were both peppered with bullets with multiple witnesses and you think they faked it?"
"Michael Jackson, the biggest singles artist in modern music and arguably the most famous person alive at the time, is still going somewhere and left his family in mourning?"
"Don’t even get me started on the Elvis gang…"
– International_Ant217
Truly Real
"Thinking that "global warming" was just invented to raise taxes, or whatever. It is so massively stupid to think that all governments and serious scientists, scientific institutions, etc - worldwide - is in on some conspiracy, to what.. raise your taxes? They could do that anyway..."
"The flat earth, no moon landings, etc - that's all for people who simply aren't all that bright to begin with - but the fake global warming conspiracy is widely believed, and accepted in mainstream politics even. Doesn't get much more stupid than that."
– normalguy_AMA
"I love how global warming deniers think that climate scientists are all swimming in piles of research grant money like Scrooge McDuck, but fossil fuel CEOs are honest, salt-of-the-earth people whose only passion in life is making sure people have jobs."
– Dahhhkness
We Are Needed
"That vaccines are an intentional plot to kill people. This isn't a Marvel movie. We don't need to get rid of large segments of the population. The 1% need us alive, buying things, and providing the services they depend on, like cheeseburgers and trash removal and truck driving."
– notreallylucy
All Aboout Lizards
"The “meteor” that hit earth was actually a spaceship that the dinosaurs left on so they could avoid the ice age. They sent back lizard people to purposely control industries and warm up the earth back to the dinosaur’s ideal temperature. The lizard people are purposely trying to invoke nuclear wars to clear the landscape again for dinosaurs."
– Element202
Uh...Where Did This One Even Come From?
"Birds aren’t real. The US government systematically eradicated and replaced all birds with surveillance drones in the FIFTIES."
– w0lfn0ise
People don't actually believe that...do they?
Money makes the world go round.
It contributes to the betterment of society.
Well, that is what we're led to believe, right?
That is why so many of these big billion-dollar companies get fabulous tax breaks.
But sadly so many big-money jobs only help themselves.
In fact, a lot of fancy, money careers only focus on the green and not the people.
Redditor ThurnisHailey wanted to discuss the careers that leave little to help the world, so they asked:
"What high-paying jobs contribute very little to society/humanity?"
Anti-Robinhood
Real Estate Realtor GIF by South ParkGiphy"My sister makes a lot of money in real estate. She helps rich people get even richer."
Ieatalot2004
"To be fair, most jobs are helping rich people get richer."
nBrainwashed
Useless
"As a marketing manager, I can tell you I have one of the most useless jobs in the world."
erose994
"What do you actually do as a marketing manager? I'm just curious."
bertolintus
"Mostly wrangle the opinions of 8,000 people who all think a project should be executed differently and all feel like it needs to be done yesterday. And pass that project through a complicated and overly bureaucratic system of approvals until it inevitably stalls out in a VP's inbox, and you have to send them 3 reminder emails just to get it done."
"Other than that... Talking to agencies (at least where I work, we outsource our graphic design, social media, and advertising work to third parties), building annual strategies, planning social media and email content, and occasionally getting to do something fun like writing a blog post."
"Oh, and managing budgets. But it's budgeting season right now so that's a touchy subject."
erose994
Data Collection
"Some of the best-paid people are figuring out how to collect as much data about you as possible to show you the best adverts. Or how to shave off milliseconds off a trading decision and build better arbitrage strategies to buy and sell the same thing millions of times."
Weak_Commercial_7124
The Middle
"IT middle management. I always thought they did nothing, then I was promoted to one and now I can actually confirm it."
"Do nothing, contribute nothing. Worthless."
RedditWhileImWorking
"I honestly think middle management is all about what you make it. If you're motivated and WANT to make things happen for the better, I think you generally can, but it's also very easy as a middle manager to just maintain the status quo and literally do nothing but collect a paycheck."
TinaBelchersBF
Complicated
people love GIFGiphy"Hospital administration. Obviously, hospitals are important and are complicated systems that need proper management, but any doctor, nurse, etc. can tell you that hospital admins aren't exactly looking out for your health and safety."
dancingbanana123
It's sad to learn hospitals are a scam. Tragic.
Office Time
Staring Episode 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Administrators who spend a lot of time inside an office in calls or meetings but have very little to do with the hands-on work that actually advances stuff."
Ukhupa
Dirt
"I'm using a burner account. I'm a political strategy advisor which is code for opposition researcher. I work for a federal government party in my country. I research for gossip or dirt on our political opponents and feed stories to the media to disparage them and have us win elections. I feel all I do is make people more disenchanted with politics."
Clean-Elephant9363
Moochers
"During the pandemic, didn't you notice that the 'essential workers' were often paid minimum wage? Seems like the important jobs that actually keep everything running are not being paid much at all, most of the time. All the value of their labor is being sucked out of them by the wealthy moochers who just happen to own the company but never do any work."
Pipboypipboycheerio
Liars
dominic cooper preacher GIF by Amazon Prime Video UKGiphy"Megachurch preachers are evil AF."
MpVpRb
"The fleecing of gullible sheep is a story as old as humanity."
wittie2
Well, people certainly had some feeling about these career paths. What do you think? Do you have anything to add?