Though weddings are a glorious event and a most sacred moment in the lives of two souls, they are also high high stress and chaotic. The behind the scenes of weddings make legendary stories. As a cater waiter I once overheard the bride's sister tell the groom she was pregnant, and he responded "Don't worry, I'll pay for it. We'll go after I'm back from Maui. Next time don't miss a pill." Then they kissed. Chile... I was sent! I told EVERYBODY who worked there! We spent the rest of the evening placing bets on how long the "union" would last. And my story is only the tip of the iceberg, often, its the wedding workers who can tell if this is a happily ever after.
Redditor u/viratrim wanted all the wedding planners out there to dish and serve up some tea about unions they've witnessed by asking.... Wedding photographers/planners/etc., what's your biggest "this marriage isn't gonna last" story?
The Boca Story
wedding dress friends GIF
Giphy
Shooting a very fancy wedding at the Boca Resort in Boca Raton. Groom - 3x divorced, Looks like George Hamilton, very wealthy, recently a great grandfather.
When asked where he'd be going for the honeymoon, he said "eh, she travels plenty on my dollar. But maybe we'll go somewhere later this year."
Bride - Less than half his age, gorgeous. While alone outside the reception before entrances, when asked by a friend how it felt to be Mrs. ____, she said "oh it's fine. It's whatever."
Notable quote from a guest I overhead "This is disgusting"
I'm sure they're fine.
The Wet Groom
Bride asked me to please get a few shots up ASAP for Facebook, which I did that night. Received a 1AM phone call from the groom FURIOUS that I had "made him look bad" by posting pictures where his "hair looked all sweaty."
This was an outdoor wedding. In Louisiana. On July 4th. At noon.
They didn't last a year.
Jerry Springer Style
Photographer here. I've seen some things, let me tell you.
- Christmas time wedding. Groom's family decides they hate the bride's family during the reception. There was a lot of barefoot dancing going on at the time so the groom's family took the glass Christmas ornaments that were the wedding favors off the tables and threw them on the dance floor. Of course they shattered and everyone got their feet cut up. This couple had been together for 5 years before getting engaged. The bride got served divorce papers less than 6 months after the wedding. She was stunned and had no idea her husband wanted a divorce. The whole thing was so freaking sad. I think about her a lot still.
- Bride punched out her sister in law at the wedding reception. They spent the rest of the evening hurtling random insults at each other throughout the wedding events. Since the wedding was at a remote campground the SIL did not leave. chaosisapony
Never invite an Ex....
vince vaughn party time GIF
Giphy
One wedding I bar tended about 7 years ago, the best man was giving his toast and made a joke about the size of the groom's penis. One of the male guests yelled out "She's missing my extra 4 inches!" That led to a very awkward silence, and a couple groomsmen had to hold the groom back. I later found out the guy who yelled out was an ex-boyfriend of the bride.
Man Down
Groom passed out not once but twice during the ceremony. Like standing there... gee this guy isn't looking well, BAM. Groom on the deck.
Smelling salts, we get him up. Get him some water and orange juice... get through the vows and yep... here he goes again, not as bad.
How bout we just sit down on the steps and finish the ring ceremony?
The whole time his brother, the best man has that look like "I really should just scoop and run with him out of here...."
The poor bride has the worst look on her face like OMG what do I do?
6 months later, it was over.
She Cray
I photographed a wedding and I was working with the groomsmen and groom. It was after the ceremony and the bride went off to go fix her makeup. I was probably about 70 percent done with the men photos when the bride starts screaming and crying asking why she isn't in any of them. I explained that this was the guy's shots and that the the bride and bridesmaid shots were up next. She did not like that answer.
She demanded that she be in their shots too. These kind of photos were the ones where the groomsmen are doing the goody things with the groom. She then proceeds to take my camera and throw it on the ground. Shattering the lens. She then cries harder and the groom just walks away. I was so petrified. RIP Canon 6D you will always be missed.
Now THIS is some tea!!!!
I went to deliver a cake, and met the wedding planner, looking completely frazzled. I've worked with the woman A LOT and we're good work friends at this point, even though were technically in different fields. She always has her stuff together, so I asked her what was wrong. She tells me the groom's boyfriend showed up to confess to the bride that he'd been with the groom longer than she had and they were in love, but the groom got to him first. They were currently sobbing in the grooms suite telling each other they they loved one another and the groom saying he'd never love her like he loved him.
She was running interference and trying to keep the bride happy and the Mothers both out so those two could figure their crap out before she had to destroy any relationships, especially because she got the impression no one knew the groom was gay and they were on the down low, super religious hipster-y types.
The wedding, somehow, went on. I saw a few pictures, since the bride included them on her review of my bakery. Groom looks miserable while she looks radiant and happy.
The wedding planner told me about a year ago that she got a call from the groom's boyfriend to arrange his wedding and he was marrying another dude who basically worshiped him, which brought up the first couple, who didn't even manage a year, judging from bride's Facebook. shocking, I know.
No Tequila
tequila GIF
Giphy
I was the wedding DJ for a couple with large Italian and Irish families. Knew things would get wild when they did Patron shot toasts instead of the traditional champagne. Had an idea it wasn't going to last when the cops shut the wedding down after an ambulance carted a girl off on a stretcher who got punched in the face by some dude.
Just say no.....
Bride pouted through all of her photos because I couldn't magically make 2 hours of photography happen in a 35 minutes we had. She legit wanted 4 locations, all family formals, and wedding party shots done in just over a half hour. From all that I saw at the wedding, it seems like she doesn't get told "no" a lot. She was a nightmare to work with and the venue's coordinator literally did a happy dance once it was over.
Puke
Paris Hilton Reaction GIF
Giphy
I helped cater a wedding once and was slicing up the cake the bride and groom just cut for serving. The groom asked me if he could lick the icing off my fingers, with his new bride standing right beside him. I picked my jaw up off the floor and hid in the kitchen for the rest of the wedding.
The Buddy Plan
I'm not a professional wedding planner but I was helping a buddy plan his wedding. I used to be a chef that did event planning. I called him to ask some questions. He told me to call his wife because he was on a date. Wtf? So I called his wife and told her he was on a date and told me to call her. I don't know what happened after that. Neither of them have spoken to me since.
Sorry, not sorry. He wasn't a close friend anyway. He asked me for help and I guess he thought I would lie for him. I hope they didn't get married. I feel really bad for that young woman but, it would have ended worse if I didn't say anything.
Tossing Salad
food fight family GIF by The Jerry Springer Show
Giphy
This will last 5 months or 50 years. The bride and groom started a food fight during the reception at a military wedding.
The Vows
I play in a wedding/event band, and we were playing a friend of our's wedding.
I remember watching the ceremony from afar, and the whole thing was weirdly depressing. Their ceremony featured friends and family giving speeches, and all of the speeches (a truly comical amount) and the vows were all about how hard marriage is.
Nothing positive at all. It was hilarious to me.
Later that evening I found out the groom confided in one of our bandmates that the part he was looking forward to the most in the day was hearing us play the reception. Truly ridiculous haha.
The Editor
I edit the videos. I was told by my boss that there was no sparkler exit for this wedding (and to cut most of the ending) because the groom was too drunk and the bride was crying. But IMO I think the groom took something, cause he looked high. Anyway, I don't have a huge amount of confidence in the longevity of that one.
"Why, yes."
During a wedding music planning session with the bride, groom, and their mothers, a tense moment occurred that didn't bode well for long-term harmony in this couple's relationship.
For the wedding processional, the mother of the bride insisted on having "Here Comes the Bride," just as had been played at her wedding years ago.
The groom, however, wanted "Trumpet Voluntary," as had been used at his mother's wedding.
All 4 of them then started arguing amongst themselves, each determined to prevail.
To bring peace to the situation, I simply said, "How about a compromise? I'll play "Here Comes the Bride" for the Processional and "Trumpet Voluntary" for the Recessional.
They all just looked in silence, then said, "Why, yes."
Poking Holes
Ewww GIF by memecandy
Giphy
The bridesmaid's speech included the phrase "poke a hole in the condom" and the bride's ex's name. I got the groom's face as he turned to his one year old child sitting in the granny's lap.
24/49
Made the mistake of planning my little sister's wedding in 2018. She didn't let anyone get to know the groom before her wedding. She was specifically keeping the grooms age a secret, but of course the information came out a few days before the ceremony. He was the one to convince her the secrecy was necessary. She was 24 he was 49. They had nothing in common and it was clear she was just the trophy wife.
Within a year there were big secrets that came to light. A secret house, bank accounts, a second home in another country, and a secret phone were all discovered. They didn't last long for obvious reasons. I feel bad for my parents that paid for everything.
Future Issues
This was brought up in a past asking of this question and not me, but whenever the bride and groom are at that moment where they cut the cake and have the ability to smash cake in each other's face. It is not doing it or not doing it, but when one of them decides to do it as a surprise on the other.
If they are not communicating whether this is acceptable before the wedding or know the other person well enough to know if they should do this in front of all their family then likely there will be issues in the future.
Ahhh. South Dakota
My cousin got married. Came to find out he knocked up another chick and told her to get an abortion, go away, etc. She showed up with her friend at the wedding reception 8 1/2 months pregnant, hammered drunk and wearing a wedding gown and veil. She hung out for a couple hours drinking and laughing at everyone. Ahh, South Dakota.
Frowns
Melania Trump Smile GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
Not me, but a friend was the photographer of a wedding I attended. I later learned the bride was pissed the whole day. Only 2 of the 1600+ photos were the bride actually smiling. She was 18 and the groom was 26. Lasted about 1 year. :/
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.