Though weddings are a glorious event and a most sacred moment in the lives of two souls, they are also high high stress and chaotic. The behind the scenes of weddings make legendary stories. As a cater waiter I once overheard the bride's sister tell the groom she was pregnant, and he responded "Don't worry, I'll pay for it. We'll go after I'm back from Maui. Next time don't miss a pill." Then they kissed. Chile... I was sent! I told EVERYBODY who worked there! We spent the rest of the evening placing bets on how long the "union" would last. And my story is only the tip of the iceberg, often, its the wedding workers who can tell if this is a happily ever after.
Redditor u/viratrim wanted all the wedding planners out there to dish and serve up some tea about unions they've witnessed by asking.... Wedding photographers/planners/etc., what's your biggest "this marriage isn't gonna last" story?
The Boca Story
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Shooting a very fancy wedding at the Boca Resort in Boca Raton. Groom - 3x divorced, Looks like George Hamilton, very wealthy, recently a great grandfather.
When asked where he'd be going for the honeymoon, he said "eh, she travels plenty on my dollar. But maybe we'll go somewhere later this year."
Bride - Less than half his age, gorgeous. While alone outside the reception before entrances, when asked by a friend how it felt to be Mrs. ____, she said "oh it's fine. It's whatever."
Notable quote from a guest I overhead "This is disgusting"
I'm sure they're fine.
The Wet Groom
Bride asked me to please get a few shots up ASAP for Facebook, which I did that night. Received a 1AM phone call from the groom FURIOUS that I had "made him look bad" by posting pictures where his "hair looked all sweaty."
This was an outdoor wedding. In Louisiana. On July 4th. At noon.
They didn't last a year.
Jerry Springer Style
Photographer here. I've seen some things, let me tell you.
- Christmas time wedding. Groom's family decides they hate the bride's family during the reception. There was a lot of barefoot dancing going on at the time so the groom's family took the glass Christmas ornaments that were the wedding favors off the tables and threw them on the dance floor. Of course they shattered and everyone got their feet cut up. This couple had been together for 5 years before getting engaged. The bride got served divorce papers less than 6 months after the wedding. She was stunned and had no idea her husband wanted a divorce. The whole thing was so freaking sad. I think about her a lot still.
- Bride punched out her sister in law at the wedding reception. They spent the rest of the evening hurtling random insults at each other throughout the wedding events. Since the wedding was at a remote campground the SIL did not leave. chaosisapony
Never invite an Ex....
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One wedding I bar tended about 7 years ago, the best man was giving his toast and made a joke about the size of the groom's penis. One of the male guests yelled out "She's missing my extra 4 inches!" That led to a very awkward silence, and a couple groomsmen had to hold the groom back. I later found out the guy who yelled out was an ex-boyfriend of the bride.
Man Down
Groom passed out not once but twice during the ceremony. Like standing there... gee this guy isn't looking well, BAM. Groom on the deck.
Smelling salts, we get him up. Get him some water and orange juice... get through the vows and yep... here he goes again, not as bad.
How bout we just sit down on the steps and finish the ring ceremony?
The whole time his brother, the best man has that look like "I really should just scoop and run with him out of here...."
The poor bride has the worst look on her face like OMG what do I do?
6 months later, it was over.
She Cray
I photographed a wedding and I was working with the groomsmen and groom. It was after the ceremony and the bride went off to go fix her makeup. I was probably about 70 percent done with the men photos when the bride starts screaming and crying asking why she isn't in any of them. I explained that this was the guy's shots and that the the bride and bridesmaid shots were up next. She did not like that answer.
She demanded that she be in their shots too. These kind of photos were the ones where the groomsmen are doing the goody things with the groom. She then proceeds to take my camera and throw it on the ground. Shattering the lens. She then cries harder and the groom just walks away. I was so petrified. RIP Canon 6D you will always be missed.
Now THIS is some tea!!!!
I went to deliver a cake, and met the wedding planner, looking completely frazzled. I've worked with the woman A LOT and we're good work friends at this point, even though were technically in different fields. She always has her stuff together, so I asked her what was wrong. She tells me the groom's boyfriend showed up to confess to the bride that he'd been with the groom longer than she had and they were in love, but the groom got to him first. They were currently sobbing in the grooms suite telling each other they they loved one another and the groom saying he'd never love her like he loved him.
She was running interference and trying to keep the bride happy and the Mothers both out so those two could figure their crap out before she had to destroy any relationships, especially because she got the impression no one knew the groom was gay and they were on the down low, super religious hipster-y types.
The wedding, somehow, went on. I saw a few pictures, since the bride included them on her review of my bakery. Groom looks miserable while she looks radiant and happy.
The wedding planner told me about a year ago that she got a call from the groom's boyfriend to arrange his wedding and he was marrying another dude who basically worshiped him, which brought up the first couple, who didn't even manage a year, judging from bride's Facebook. shocking, I know.
No Tequila
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I was the wedding DJ for a couple with large Italian and Irish families. Knew things would get wild when they did Patron shot toasts instead of the traditional champagne. Had an idea it wasn't going to last when the cops shut the wedding down after an ambulance carted a girl off on a stretcher who got punched in the face by some dude.
Just say no.....
Bride pouted through all of her photos because I couldn't magically make 2 hours of photography happen in a 35 minutes we had. She legit wanted 4 locations, all family formals, and wedding party shots done in just over a half hour. From all that I saw at the wedding, it seems like she doesn't get told "no" a lot. She was a nightmare to work with and the venue's coordinator literally did a happy dance once it was over.
Puke
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I helped cater a wedding once and was slicing up the cake the bride and groom just cut for serving. The groom asked me if he could lick the icing off my fingers, with his new bride standing right beside him. I picked my jaw up off the floor and hid in the kitchen for the rest of the wedding.
The Buddy Plan
I'm not a professional wedding planner but I was helping a buddy plan his wedding. I used to be a chef that did event planning. I called him to ask some questions. He told me to call his wife because he was on a date. Wtf? So I called his wife and told her he was on a date and told me to call her. I don't know what happened after that. Neither of them have spoken to me since.
Sorry, not sorry. He wasn't a close friend anyway. He asked me for help and I guess he thought I would lie for him. I hope they didn't get married. I feel really bad for that young woman but, it would have ended worse if I didn't say anything.
Tossing Salad
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This will last 5 months or 50 years. The bride and groom started a food fight during the reception at a military wedding.
The Vows
I play in a wedding/event band, and we were playing a friend of our's wedding.
I remember watching the ceremony from afar, and the whole thing was weirdly depressing. Their ceremony featured friends and family giving speeches, and all of the speeches (a truly comical amount) and the vows were all about how hard marriage is.
Nothing positive at all. It was hilarious to me.
Later that evening I found out the groom confided in one of our bandmates that the part he was looking forward to the most in the day was hearing us play the reception. Truly ridiculous haha.
The Editor
I edit the videos. I was told by my boss that there was no sparkler exit for this wedding (and to cut most of the ending) because the groom was too drunk and the bride was crying. But IMO I think the groom took something, cause he looked high. Anyway, I don't have a huge amount of confidence in the longevity of that one.
"Why, yes."
During a wedding music planning session with the bride, groom, and their mothers, a tense moment occurred that didn't bode well for long-term harmony in this couple's relationship.
For the wedding processional, the mother of the bride insisted on having "Here Comes the Bride," just as had been played at her wedding years ago.
The groom, however, wanted "Trumpet Voluntary," as had been used at his mother's wedding.
All 4 of them then started arguing amongst themselves, each determined to prevail.
To bring peace to the situation, I simply said, "How about a compromise? I'll play "Here Comes the Bride" for the Processional and "Trumpet Voluntary" for the Recessional.
They all just looked in silence, then said, "Why, yes."
Poking Holes
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The bridesmaid's speech included the phrase "poke a hole in the condom" and the bride's ex's name. I got the groom's face as he turned to his one year old child sitting in the granny's lap.
24/49
Made the mistake of planning my little sister's wedding in 2018. She didn't let anyone get to know the groom before her wedding. She was specifically keeping the grooms age a secret, but of course the information came out a few days before the ceremony. He was the one to convince her the secrecy was necessary. She was 24 he was 49. They had nothing in common and it was clear she was just the trophy wife.
Within a year there were big secrets that came to light. A secret house, bank accounts, a second home in another country, and a secret phone were all discovered. They didn't last long for obvious reasons. I feel bad for my parents that paid for everything.
Future Issues
This was brought up in a past asking of this question and not me, but whenever the bride and groom are at that moment where they cut the cake and have the ability to smash cake in each other's face. It is not doing it or not doing it, but when one of them decides to do it as a surprise on the other.
If they are not communicating whether this is acceptable before the wedding or know the other person well enough to know if they should do this in front of all their family then likely there will be issues in the future.
Ahhh. South Dakota
My cousin got married. Came to find out he knocked up another chick and told her to get an abortion, go away, etc. She showed up with her friend at the wedding reception 8 1/2 months pregnant, hammered drunk and wearing a wedding gown and veil. She hung out for a couple hours drinking and laughing at everyone. Ahh, South Dakota.
Frowns
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Not me, but a friend was the photographer of a wedding I attended. I later learned the bride was pissed the whole day. Only 2 of the 1600+ photos were the bride actually smiling. She was 18 and the groom was 26. Lasted about 1 year. :/
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