Though weddings are a glorious event and a most sacred moment in the lives of two souls, they are also high high stress and chaotic. The behind the scenes of weddings make legendary stories. As a cater waiter I once overheard the bride's sister tell the groom she was pregnant, and he responded "Don't worry, I'll pay for it. We'll go after I'm back from Maui. Next time don't miss a pill." Then they kissed. Chile... I was sent! I told EVERYBODY who worked there! We spent the rest of the evening placing bets on how long the "union" would last. And my story is only the tip of the iceberg, often, its the wedding workers who can tell if this is a happily ever after.
Redditor u/viratrim wanted all the wedding planners out there to dish and serve up some tea about unions they've witnessed by asking.... Wedding photographers/planners/etc., what's your biggest "this marriage isn't gonna last" story?
The Boca Story
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Shooting a very fancy wedding at the Boca Resort in Boca Raton. Groom - 3x divorced, Looks like George Hamilton, very wealthy, recently a great grandfather.
When asked where he'd be going for the honeymoon, he said "eh, she travels plenty on my dollar. But maybe we'll go somewhere later this year."
Bride - Less than half his age, gorgeous. While alone outside the reception before entrances, when asked by a friend how it felt to be Mrs. ____, she said "oh it's fine. It's whatever."
Notable quote from a guest I overhead "This is disgusting"
I'm sure they're fine.
The Wet Groom
Bride asked me to please get a few shots up ASAP for Facebook, which I did that night. Received a 1AM phone call from the groom FURIOUS that I had "made him look bad" by posting pictures where his "hair looked all sweaty."
This was an outdoor wedding. In Louisiana. On July 4th. At noon.
They didn't last a year.
Jerry Springer Style
Photographer here. I've seen some things, let me tell you.
- Christmas time wedding. Groom's family decides they hate the bride's family during the reception. There was a lot of barefoot dancing going on at the time so the groom's family took the glass Christmas ornaments that were the wedding favors off the tables and threw them on the dance floor. Of course they shattered and everyone got their feet cut up. This couple had been together for 5 years before getting engaged. The bride got served divorce papers less than 6 months after the wedding. She was stunned and had no idea her husband wanted a divorce. The whole thing was so freaking sad. I think about her a lot still.
- Bride punched out her sister in law at the wedding reception. They spent the rest of the evening hurtling random insults at each other throughout the wedding events. Since the wedding was at a remote campground the SIL did not leave. chaosisapony
Never invite an Ex....
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One wedding I bar tended about 7 years ago, the best man was giving his toast and made a joke about the size of the groom's penis. One of the male guests yelled out "She's missing my extra 4 inches!" That led to a very awkward silence, and a couple groomsmen had to hold the groom back. I later found out the guy who yelled out was an ex-boyfriend of the bride.
Man Down
Groom passed out not once but twice during the ceremony. Like standing there... gee this guy isn't looking well, BAM. Groom on the deck.
Smelling salts, we get him up. Get him some water and orange juice... get through the vows and yep... here he goes again, not as bad.
How bout we just sit down on the steps and finish the ring ceremony?
The whole time his brother, the best man has that look like "I really should just scoop and run with him out of here...."
The poor bride has the worst look on her face like OMG what do I do?
6 months later, it was over.
She Cray
I photographed a wedding and I was working with the groomsmen and groom. It was after the ceremony and the bride went off to go fix her makeup. I was probably about 70 percent done with the men photos when the bride starts screaming and crying asking why she isn't in any of them. I explained that this was the guy's shots and that the the bride and bridesmaid shots were up next. She did not like that answer.
She demanded that she be in their shots too. These kind of photos were the ones where the groomsmen are doing the goody things with the groom. She then proceeds to take my camera and throw it on the ground. Shattering the lens. She then cries harder and the groom just walks away. I was so petrified. RIP Canon 6D you will always be missed.
Now THIS is some tea!!!!
I went to deliver a cake, and met the wedding planner, looking completely frazzled. I've worked with the woman A LOT and we're good work friends at this point, even though were technically in different fields. She always has her stuff together, so I asked her what was wrong. She tells me the groom's boyfriend showed up to confess to the bride that he'd been with the groom longer than she had and they were in love, but the groom got to him first. They were currently sobbing in the grooms suite telling each other they they loved one another and the groom saying he'd never love her like he loved him.
She was running interference and trying to keep the bride happy and the Mothers both out so those two could figure their crap out before she had to destroy any relationships, especially because she got the impression no one knew the groom was gay and they were on the down low, super religious hipster-y types.
The wedding, somehow, went on. I saw a few pictures, since the bride included them on her review of my bakery. Groom looks miserable while she looks radiant and happy.
The wedding planner told me about a year ago that she got a call from the groom's boyfriend to arrange his wedding and he was marrying another dude who basically worshiped him, which brought up the first couple, who didn't even manage a year, judging from bride's Facebook. shocking, I know.
No Tequila
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I was the wedding DJ for a couple with large Italian and Irish families. Knew things would get wild when they did Patron shot toasts instead of the traditional champagne. Had an idea it wasn't going to last when the cops shut the wedding down after an ambulance carted a girl off on a stretcher who got punched in the face by some dude.
Just say no.....
Bride pouted through all of her photos because I couldn't magically make 2 hours of photography happen in a 35 minutes we had. She legit wanted 4 locations, all family formals, and wedding party shots done in just over a half hour. From all that I saw at the wedding, it seems like she doesn't get told "no" a lot. She was a nightmare to work with and the venue's coordinator literally did a happy dance once it was over.
Puke
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I helped cater a wedding once and was slicing up the cake the bride and groom just cut for serving. The groom asked me if he could lick the icing off my fingers, with his new bride standing right beside him. I picked my jaw up off the floor and hid in the kitchen for the rest of the wedding.
The Buddy Plan
I'm not a professional wedding planner but I was helping a buddy plan his wedding. I used to be a chef that did event planning. I called him to ask some questions. He told me to call his wife because he was on a date. Wtf? So I called his wife and told her he was on a date and told me to call her. I don't know what happened after that. Neither of them have spoken to me since.
Sorry, not sorry. He wasn't a close friend anyway. He asked me for help and I guess he thought I would lie for him. I hope they didn't get married. I feel really bad for that young woman but, it would have ended worse if I didn't say anything.
Tossing Salad
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This will last 5 months or 50 years. The bride and groom started a food fight during the reception at a military wedding.
The Vows
I play in a wedding/event band, and we were playing a friend of our's wedding.
I remember watching the ceremony from afar, and the whole thing was weirdly depressing. Their ceremony featured friends and family giving speeches, and all of the speeches (a truly comical amount) and the vows were all about how hard marriage is.
Nothing positive at all. It was hilarious to me.
Later that evening I found out the groom confided in one of our bandmates that the part he was looking forward to the most in the day was hearing us play the reception. Truly ridiculous haha.
The Editor
I edit the videos. I was told by my boss that there was no sparkler exit for this wedding (and to cut most of the ending) because the groom was too drunk and the bride was crying. But IMO I think the groom took something, cause he looked high. Anyway, I don't have a huge amount of confidence in the longevity of that one.
"Why, yes."Â
During a wedding music planning session with the bride, groom, and their mothers, a tense moment occurred that didn't bode well for long-term harmony in this couple's relationship.
For the wedding processional, the mother of the bride insisted on having "Here Comes the Bride," just as had been played at her wedding years ago.
The groom, however, wanted "Trumpet Voluntary," as had been used at his mother's wedding.
All 4 of them then started arguing amongst themselves, each determined to prevail.
To bring peace to the situation, I simply said, "How about a compromise? I'll play "Here Comes the Bride" for the Processional and "Trumpet Voluntary" for the Recessional.
They all just looked in silence, then said, "Why, yes."
Poking Holes
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The bridesmaid's speech included the phrase "poke a hole in the condom" and the bride's ex's name. I got the groom's face as he turned to his one year old child sitting in the granny's lap.
24/49
Made the mistake of planning my little sister's wedding in 2018. She didn't let anyone get to know the groom before her wedding. She was specifically keeping the grooms age a secret, but of course the information came out a few days before the ceremony. He was the one to convince her the secrecy was necessary. She was 24 he was 49. They had nothing in common and it was clear she was just the trophy wife.
Within a year there were big secrets that came to light. A secret house, bank accounts, a second home in another country, and a secret phone were all discovered. They didn't last long for obvious reasons. I feel bad for my parents that paid for everything.
Future Issues
This was brought up in a past asking of this question and not me, but whenever the bride and groom are at that moment where they cut the cake and have the ability to smash cake in each other's face. It is not doing it or not doing it, but when one of them decides to do it as a surprise on the other.
If they are not communicating whether this is acceptable before the wedding or know the other person well enough to know if they should do this in front of all their family then likely there will be issues in the future.
Ahhh. South Dakota
My cousin got married. Came to find out he knocked up another chick and told her to get an abortion, go away, etc. She showed up with her friend at the wedding reception 8 1/2 months pregnant, hammered drunk and wearing a wedding gown and veil. She hung out for a couple hours drinking and laughing at everyone. Ahh, South Dakota.
Frowns
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Not me, but a friend was the photographer of a wedding I attended. I later learned the bride was pissed the whole day. Only 2 of the 1600+ photos were the bride actually smiling. She was 18 and the groom was 26. Lasted about 1 year. :/
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There are a ton of jobs or favors that don't require much skill, experience, or labor, and people who are fortunate enough to get hired walk away with a king's ransom.
Looking for those kinds of "jobs," however, is like finding a teardrop in the ocean.
Few who struck gold, at least temporarily, shared their experiences when Redditor NikTheNerdBoy asked:
"What's the dumbest thing you were paid to do and how much were you paid?"
Good luck finding these well-paying tasks.
Running Errands
"Had a WFH gig working sort of as a personal assistant for a rich guy on the opposite coast from me. I did all kinds of wacky sh*t for him. For example, one time I had to break up with my boss's girlfriend because he was too wimpy to do it himself. That was literally my job."
"One day, I bought him a new pickup truck. Meaning, I negotiated the deal and paid for the truck with his credit card. All in all, I'd say the process probably took about two weeks, for which I was paid my usual wage at six hours per day. No big deal."
"Somehow, his dad found out about the new truck and he decided he wanted a new pickup truck too. He called me about a week after I bought the truck for my boss and said he'd pay me $2,000 to buy a truck for him. I called the same dealership back, spoke to the same salesman, told him what was up and basically said give me another truck, same price as before. The salesman was only too happy to comply."
"It took ten minutes to make the phone call and then a day or two to get the title and other paperwork sorted out. So, depending on how you look at it, I made $2,000 for just ten minutes worth of 'work.'"
"Somehow, my boss's rich friend found out about all this. He decided he wanted a new SUV. 'OhYeahThrowItAway, you have to buy it for me!' I told him the last time I bought someone a vehicle, I got paid $2,000. The friend was basically like F'k it, I'll pay you $3,000, just get it for me' and then he emailed me his wish list."
"That deal took a little longer, maybe two weeks."
"I made $5k extra in just two months buying vehicles for lazy (or dumb) rich people."
Staying Out Of The Picture
"I was paid $300 to move my car for a movie that was filming by my apartment."
– dragoblaster666
Pack It Up
"Got paid 10k to leave an apartment because it was sold and new owner wanted to move in. I was tenant (renter) under previous owner. I had 4 months left in my rental contract. This was in Spain (Barcelona)."
European Vacation
"I was flown to Paris to do a compliance audit, the systems weren't set up for the audit, couldn't get access so spent the week being taken to restaurants and shopping. On 1 of the days and at the last minute the company decided to send me to London for a meeting, literally just to meet people. I missed the Eurostar because I forgot my passport (totally blanked that I was entering another country), they had to rebook the Eurostar. Nothing was achieved out of this trip. No audit was completed. Nothing came of the meeting. The cost to the company 25k+ for me to do nothing for a week. Corporate money is ridiculous money."
– _Justag1rl_
Not much labor was required for these so-called "jobs."
Ten-Minutes Of "Work"
"I used to work for a PR agency. Every month one of our clients wanted a handful of photos re-sized for their website; nothing fancy, just setting the width to 500px in Windows Photo Manager."
"It was maybe ten minutes of work every month, but the contract said the minimum amount of time we would charge them for was one day - and this was for the full team too, not just me. It must have cost them several hundred pounds every month."
"I showed the client how to do it several times, and explained that they could save a lot of money doing it themselves. They didn't seem to mind."
"In the end I made sure I got it in writing that I'd informed them of their options and let them get on with it."
– TheRainyDaze
Thank You, Goodbye
"$175 to do some kind of user study at Netflix, I show up in the lobby and then they go, 'actually we got the data we needed from the studies earlier today, you're free to go!'. Still got paid!"
– Lycid
Hush Money
"I did an event for a national association for deaf people at which they did every presentation in ASL. I am an audio engineer, who specializes in live sound and concerts. I did nothing for 5 days of show, $450 a day."
– murter95
Paid To Play
"I got asked to do 2 hours of barrier watch (Guarding a barrier ribbon while a crew did x rays inside a power plant). This was asked last minute after a 12 hour shift so the bonuses of staying happening to be a Sunday, etc I was being paid $110 to stand and play on my phone and make sure sure nobody tried to pass all the DO NOT ENTER DANGER DANGER signs during a time of day with minimal personnel."
– Hotel29
Movie Scene Dance GIF by FandorGiphyGotta Have Wendy's
"I was driving for uber. Picked up a bunch of drunks at like 2 AM. They were like 'Yo we gotta grab some Wendy' I go 'I'm sorry this is my busy period' they go 'Can we bribe you?' I go 'Absolutely you can bribe me.'"
"One the guys said I'll give you $100...I was shocked it was that high, another guy said '$150' and finally his wife said 'F'k it I want Wendy $200 and we buy you Wendy too.'"
"I finally said yes, FYI I hadn't said yes yet because the reality is $20-$40 would have gotten me to stop at Wendy."
"So there I sat at Wendy as those 3 drunks bought me wendy and paid me $200."
– luther_williams
Substitute Chef
"One time I was at this super fancy dinner party. I'm talking servers and everything, I was in a freaking tux! It was outside and catered by a professional bbq company. I mean these guys had won international competitions. Well get this, they were double booked and didn't show. The other servers didn't know how to grill, and this totally smokin server in her 30s is just staring at the grill like a deer in the headlights. Well I don't want to be a hero but I ask if I can help. The entire staff spend the rest of the night bringing me drinks as I make this bbq and NOBODY realizes the award winning chefs didn't show up!"
– Train3rRed88
Where Do We Apply?
"Ok this wasn't a job or anything.... But I got 10$ to eat half a watermelon."
Some opportunities present themselves.
When I was a kid, I hung out at a Japanese summer festival booth where you roll a bowling ball on a track that had two hills. The objective was to push the ball hard enough to get it over the first hill but not too hard to get it over the second hill.
I was fascinated with the challenge and stayed there for a long time as my parents were over by the food booths with their friends.
It was a slow day, and the dude working the booth wanted to peace out for a bit, so he offered to pay me $50 to "hang out" in his stead.
Of course, I said "sure."
No one ever came, and I earned fifty bucks rolling bowling balls for an hour. Was it the dumbest thing I ever did for money? Maybe, but I laughed all the way to the piggy bank that day.
That guy really must have despised his post enough to give a twelve-year-old kid $50.
Food is for survival. That was the plan. But over the years it has become somewhat of a way of life. Some of the most annoying people are foodies. They get so uppity about the preferences of others. Like, let me just enjoy what I enjoy.
Mom No!
Mom Smile GIFGiphy"I don't like my mom's cooking."
"Livestock have refused to eat my mother's cooking. She's a terror in the kitchen."
Take them OUT!!
"I hate walnuts in baked goods. It tastes like wood shavings and completely ruins the flavor."
"I love walnuts but I feel this way about raisins in baked goods, raisins are fine by themselves but not in sweets, I once ordered cinnamon rolls at Hardee's and bit into it and found out there were raisins in it, and I was grossed out and didn't want to eat it. At least freakin' McDonald's serves real cinnamon rolls without freakn' raisins!"
The Fart Ingredient
"I don't like kidney beans except in chili."
"I don't even really like them in chili. I'd rather have pintos in everything."
Oh thew Crunch...
"Pickles and onion make the best sandwich. I make most of my own pickles from stuff I grow or get from local farms in the fall, but I responded to another comment with two different heinous concoctions I enjoy. Crunchy, salty, sour. I really like pickles and onions to begin with."
"I use more than pickled cucumber though. Like the last one I made, I used garlic naan, mayo, red onion, scallions, pickled garlic, green olives, Kalamata olives, garlic dill cucumber, and green beans. Shallot, sour pickled onion, sweet pickled cucumbers, and sushi ginger on sprouted 14 grain bread is also also a favorite of mine."
No Sizzle
bacon GIFGiphy"I do not like bacon."
"I've been learning this over the years. If I'm gonna do bacon I much prefer the maple bacon since it's sweeter and doesn't overpower with saltiness."
- truije15
Who doesn't like bacon? That seems like a sacrilege. Right? But to each their own. Though I will never understand not loving walnuts in comfort food. Y'all need more self love.
Love the Big M
"Fast food tastes amazing, yeah its unhealthy as hell but don't you sit there and lie and say it tastes bad."
"Pisses me off when people act like they're better then McDonald's. What the hell? McDonald's is incredible and billions of people buy their food still. The same can't be said for other restaurants."
Blasphemy!
golden girls flirting GIF by HULUGiphy"Cheesecake is disgusting."
"I don't find cheese cake disgusting. It looks good. Smell delicious. Has ingredients in it that I love. But i can not eat more than one bite. It is too rich. One bite and i feel sick."
Too Many Legs
"Lobsters and crabs are giant insects."
"I don't really think that's that controversial, in my area of the world we even call this creature a 'Moreton Bay Bug' even though some fisheries try to give it the more appealing name of 'flathead lobster'."
bad bones
"Boneless wings are vastly superior to bone-in wings. I think bone-in wings are a ripoff because when you get half a pound of them, part of that half-pound is inedible. It's like if you ordered a quarter-pound cheeseburger, but the restaurant considers the weight of the plate to be part of that quarter-pound and you end up with just a slider. Just give me some damn meat."
The Slime
man oyster GIFGiphy"Oysters are truly disgusting and absurdly overpriced for quarter sized pieces of snot that tastes like salt water and hot sauce."
- C_23_s
Ok, I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to judge. But some of these opinions... are leaving me shook. Except the oysters. That is that work of the devil. Look away...
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