I can't wait to get married; mostly because I love a good party. I also the love the festivities and joy, the open bar and the high drama.
Oh my the things I have seen at a wedding. I can't tell you how many times a friend and I have said... "I thought crap like this only happened in the movies?"
There really are some couples who you know are going to last forever and a day.
And then there are those unions when you are even more sure, are going to be a disaster from start to finish. I'd say it's all a 70/30 split... in the disaster direction.
Cheers to love. And let's get smarter about I do's people.
Redditoru/Olya_roowanted to hear all the deets about the times many of us have attended weddings when we knew the pair saying "I Do" wasn't meant for forever, by asking:
What wedding moment made you think: "They are not going to last long"?
I once attended a friend's wedding, that was held in a pool hall. The maid of honor wore a dress that advertised Tommy Hilfiger. And the priest was drunk, as was the uncle who's "eloquent" speech went as such:
"So and So and so and so. Good luck. You're idiots. I give it less than a year!"
Packed UpTasmanian Devil Love GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"He ended up at the emergency room between the ceremony and the reception."
"He went out out the night night before with his sister and friends and got plastered. They had to hold a cold pack to the back of his neck to keep him vertical during the wedding photos. Marriage lasted 30 days until they had a fight, she left the house and he filled the U-Haul truck with everything but her clothes."
"I'M WITNESSING ONE FROM THE SIDELINES NOW!!!"
"My wife's brother just got married this past May. Bride's mother is a big DIY person and went a little nuts with extra flowers, table pieces, decorations, etc… Note I said extra, it was already decorated by the venue, she just took it upon herself to buy and add way more stuff."
"Anyway, a few weeks ago she sends my MIL (grooms mom) and email with receipts of all the extra stuff she bought ($7,000 worth!!! ) and asked that she pay half since it was technically set up in time for the rehearsal dinner for guests to enjoy. It's causing a huge rift between the newlyweds since the bride is taking her moms side."
All the Drama...
"My wife got invited to a client's daughter's wedding. The couple were both drama students. Many of the bridal party were drama students. The maid-of-honour's toast consisted of tearful declarations of unrequited love to the groom, along the lines of 'if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it's my best friend that's marrying you'. The best-man's speech was a lusty declaration of "if it doesn't work out, call me, babe... like the previous time you called me."
"Other toasts were similarly weird. A guy at the table I was seated at was a friend of the bride and said to me that he was 'this close' to standing up during the 'speak now or forever hold your peace' thing. I'm still not sure if the whole thing was a bunch of emotionally messed-up 20-year-olds, or one big piece of performance art."
"I was maid of honour. Me, best man and the couple went into a separate little room to do the signing stuff. Bride excused herself to go the bathroom and the groom started making pretty mean remarks about her cooking (which she's passionate about) to the officiant."
"She came back, heard they were talking about cooking family meals together and gave him the warmest smile, thinking he had praised her. He scoffed awkwardly and changed the topic. That always stuck with me. He wasn't laughing WITH her but AT her, behind her back. They lasted 7 months."
But Before...GIF by AminéGiphy
"Wedding videographer here, I think my favorite moment was when I was sitting at the miscellaneous table with all the randoms and the girl next to me, the grooms ex, drunkenly admitted to sleeping with the groom a few months prior."
The joke was on the uncle. They lasted twenty years. They have four kids they can't afford, and are now remarried to people with police records. So what if they publicly share on Facebook their mutual hatred and and their regret of every wasted second of twenty years. They still lasted for a bit.
Hello?adele hello GIFGiphy
"I was at a wedding when a phone went off during the ceremony. In the middle of exchanging vows. It was the groom's. He took the call. They are divorced now. I believe it was a cousin calling, to ask if they were late for the wedding."
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"I was at a wedding. I was a plus one for my date. The bride sat down drunk at our table and started talking to us. She then told me that she slept with her ex right before walking down the aisle. She screwed her ex in her wedding dress in the bridal suite. She then downed the last of my drink and went off to the dance floor. I was left speechless. I didn't know anyone but my date. Less than a year later the bride and groom were divorced."
"what did I do?"
"One of my friends got married, afterwards she looked at me, crying, and said "what did I do?" They were separated by the time the plane landed from their honeymoon. He was a good guy, she was a mess. The beta fish in the flower centerpieces lasted longer than the marriage."
"The bachelor party and the Bachelorette party were in Vegas at the same time. Across the hall from each other. The bride and groom got in a huge fight on the last night of the trip and when I was leaving I said "I'll see you guys at the wedding" to the groom and he replied "I'm not sure there's gonna be one." There was a wedding, but they were divorced within 18 months I believe."
Slow Dancedirty dancing love GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphy
"A fun light-hearted dance with the groom followed by a close and slow dance with her male best friend."
"As a wedding photographer I have been to more than my share of weddings.
- It was a REAL shotgun wedding. Dad didn't realize it would not stand up in court. Only time the groom was more excited to have photos than the bride.
- She wanted a limo, he thought a hearse would be better and kept doing Lurch impressions. From the Addams family.
- Don't know what happened... Sat down with bride and groom, filling out the contract. Got the deposit. He stood up, said forget it, and walked out. 2 months later I get told the wedding is off, 3 months later she calls to rebook, different groom. Day of the wedding I am at the church... Got the final payment the week before... No one shows... No one, just me and the DJ." - TexasTiger70
"uh, yeah, okay, yeah I do"
"She told me two days before that she found her fiancé annoying and that she didn't like him and that he was AWFUL in bed. She was visibly, endlessly uncomfortable at the rehearsal wedding/dinner combo. Then she sobbed the ENTIRE morning, day-of."
"She ended up not getting any makeup done cause she wouldn't stop scream-sobbing and refused to get dressed, stalling the wedding ~35 minutes. She then said 45 minutes of "vows" that she had prepared (9 pages of things like inappropriate vows to friends and family, his parents and sisters, none of them her husband), and then ALMOST didn't say "I do."
"Managed to get a, "uh, yeah, okay, yeah I do" out of her almost a full 60 seconds after she was supposed to say anything. I could go on for HOURS, but it was the most painful and awkward wedding I've ever been to. I've got my money on 10 months. We're 1 month in."
"I promise to love you"
"I've got two:"
"One of my good friends got married and I'd never met her before the wedding because "she's just shy." On the wedding day, she was belligerently drunk before the ceremony even started and couldn't even get through the lines she was supposed to repeat (i.e. "I promise to love you"). She ended up slapping the groom, spilling champagne on her dress, and then crying under a table while he tried to comfort her. They lasted about 4 months."
"Another one was my wife's friend. She's a very conservative, religious white girl who married a black man. Most of her racist family didn't approve of the marriage and didn't show up. But she planned the whole marriage around race. Like a vanilla cake for her and a chocolate cake for him, the wedding colors were black and white, and even the meals were white meat for her side and dark meat for his. It was extremely uncomfortable as a guest. They lasted 2 years."
Maybe choose rum?bride fail GIFGiphy
"When the bride drank vodka out of a pint glass and spent a significant amount of time making out with another guy on the dance floor."
"My uncle when he broke his neck trying to breakdance on his stag do, He went down the aisle in a wheelchair. She divorced shortly after. He can walk again now but because of his surgery he cannot turn his neck. One of my go to stories because it's freaking insane."
being happy... for me...
"My brother's ex-wife. Throughout the exchange of vows, she was looking at everyone but my brother, making sure all eyes were on her. Later, she instructed the photographer (a family friend who was cheap) to "mingle" and get shots of people "being happy."
"Within 10 minutes, she'd summoned the photographer back shouting, "Whose wedding is this?! I meant get shots of people being happy for me." They broke up when she cheated on him. Apparently, that marriage she was desperate for was only good while it brought her attention."
School Loveleonardo dicaprio love GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
"When they got married illegally in high school. Two 16 year olds from different states who had to lie on their certificate to get approved by the state. It was annulled when the father of the groom found out."
2 Left Feet
"Prior to my wedding I'd asked my husband to practice dancing with me because I'm uncoordinated, due to a disability. He blew me off and said we'd be fine. As we were dancing, he spoke in my ear, not even quietly. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you? You're embarrassing me!!" We lasted 2 years. Leaving was the best decision I ever made."
Knockoutanne hathaway weddings GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
"When the groom ran up and punched the bride during the reception in some kind of drunken melee."
Marriage is way to expensive to be a mistake. So think it all through very carefully. And put your heart aside and lead with your mind when friends are warning you about red flags. If red flags start adding up... wave them high as you run, down the other end of the aisle.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Like lots of kids growing up, I did love my candy and my sugar. Truth be told, I wasn't allowed to have as much as I would have liked, but that doesn't mean I didn't sneak some candies whenever I had the opportunity.
Now that I'm older though? My taste buds just aren't the same.
I can't stomach too much of anything super sweet and the idea of chowing down on candy and chocolate the way I see some kids do pretty much grosses me out.
My body thanks me, though!
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor Fulhus asked the online community,
"What food doesn't taste as good as it used to?"
Planterz Cheese Balls
"Planters Cheez Balls. Those things were like the food of the gods when I was a kid in the 80s. When they brought them back for a while a few years ago I bought a few cans, only to find out they tasted like disappointment."
It's true what they say: You can't go home again.
"Juicy Fruit gum. They ruined the flavor 20 years ago. It tastes bitter after 20 seconds. They should just discontinue the gum."
Honestly, yes. It tastes like nothing now. Then again, I haven't had gum in years and I'm okay with that.
"Thin Mints — most other Girl Scout cookies since they changed manufacturer, but I miss the old thin mints the most."
I had some recently and I really enjoyed them but I guess I wouldn't know! I didn't grow up eating Girl Scout cookies.
"She left me her recipes..."
"My grandma's cooking. She left me her recipes when she passed but I still can’t recreate her magic."
Nostalgia is also an ingredient, believe it or not.
Sorry about your loss.
"Butterfingers or Nestle chocolate in general."
I used to love these and don't think I can stomach them anymore.
"KFC has gone WAY downhill in the past 25 years."
Honestly, Popeye's is where it's at. That's been the case for a long time.
"Pop tarts. They are chalky/pasty and so thin now."
If you really want to taste a proper Pop Tart, I have found that the store brands taste a lot like the old ones. Check some out.
"Corn Pops ever since they got rid of the foil bag."
The foil bag?
They got rid of the foil bag?1
Is nothing sacred?!
"Peaches. I've commented on this many times but the last several years the peach crop has sucked. I haven't had a good, juicy, non-mealy peach in a long time."
The ones you buy at the store are nowhere near as good as the ones my friend can just pick off the tree in his backyard!
"Klondike bars, they are half of what they used to be and the coating is chocolate flavored crap they mist across them instead of actually coating them in something approaching real chocolate."
They melt so quickly, too! Not worth it. I haven't had one in years.
Sorry to disappoint all of you: The things you loved eating as a kid are pretty bad now.
Your wallet and health will thank you later. Much of it is just really terrible refined sugar.
Have some thoughts of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
It's really no secret that most children think their parents are super uncool.
Because of course they are.
Parents didn't have lives or dreams of their own before they had children, right? How could they possibly ever have been fun?
That's sarcasm, by the way. Most people grow out of this attitude, and it usually disappears by the time a kid gets through their teenage years, when pretty much anything their parents do turns their faces red with embarrassment.
But suppose you, the parents, wanted to embarrass your kids anyway, say by reviving a slang term or two?
People shared their thoughts after Redditor the-tinman asked the online community,
"What are some slang terms a 50 year old dad can say to his daughter to embarrass her?"
"Just say "whatup fam?" Then when they get mad yell "worldstar."
Do I even want to know what the hell "worldstar" is? Ugh. I'm old now.
This is actually sweet.
"I am taking my 14 year old daughter and her friends to an Anime convention. They are all dressing up to cosplay anime characters. I decided to dress up as Indiana Jones, And I guess that is the worst thing in the world."
For them? Yeah. Bonus points if you quote some awesome Indy lines.
"When something surprises you..."
"When something surprises you, say you are “shook."
And when you're really, really surprised, say that you're "shooketh."
"Wuss poppin' Jimbo?"
How about you don't but we'll say that you did?
"Wait till she’s in an argument with your spouse, or being slightly verbose in a public place, pull out your phone and shout “world star!"
There it is again! Do I really need to start adding this to my vocabulary? Because I really don't want to.
"Say bruh after literally every sentence."
Your mother and i have decided we are getting a divorce. Bruh.
"He did things like..."
"My dad never used slang terms. He did things like ask if I applied my rash cream and if my gum disease was bothering me in front of people."
This sounds like it definitely impacted your ability to get dates.
"Ugh, my 60 year old mother loves to say things are ”the puff daddy” when she thinks something is awesome or superior. So you should probably point out things that you also find to be the “puff daddy."
She knows exactly what she's doing.
An evil genius.
"I used the "You ain't woke fam. I'm too lit" on my 15 yr old daughter. I'm 46. Her exact response, walking by without looking at me. "I don't even think you understand what you are saying."
Plot twist: But you did.
You totally did.
"I'm partial to saying..."
"I’m partial to saying “I’m finna pop a goog” instead of “I’m going to google this thing." I’ve received mixed responses."
Gee, I wonder why?
And there you have it. If you have a kid, they better watch out. But do report back. The results are undoubtedly hilarious.
Have a suggestion of your own? Tell us about it in the comments below!
It's always sad when people don't have anything better to do than throw insults at people.
And yet it happens far too often, between people who see each other on a fairly regular basis, as well as complete strangers.
It's always a good idea to avoid sinking to their level when this happens, and just ignore them and walk on by.
That being said, there is very little more satisfying than coming back at them with just the right choice of words, and leaving them in stunned silence.
"What is the greatest comeback to an insult you’ve ever heard?"
"My best friend: After an argument with some kid from our school in a shop we began walking away down the street..."
"Kid: 'where you going?'"
"Friend: 'your moms house'."
"Kid: 'my mom lives the other way idiot'."
"Friend: 'Nah, i meant your real mom'.”- FourShott
Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job!
"Air Traffic Control doing a poor job of vectoring an Airbus A330 in for landing."
"Pilot: 'You've left us too high, I don't think we can make the approach'."
"ATC: "You've got speedbreaks on that thing, don't you?'"
"Pilot: (After a noticeable pause) 'Yes, but those are for my mistakes, not yours'."- DerpDishPizza
If You Can't Take Heat...
"A friend in high school on our way to a track meet."
"He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice."
"When this dbag saw him."
"Dbag: 'Why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?'”
"My friend: 'The same reason you watch porn'.”
"The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard."- RedIguanaLeaderCute Gif Reaction GIFGiphy
The Only Thing Worse Than People Talking About You?...
"A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine."
"That people are talking behind his back."
"In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: 'Well you know what the say about you?'"
"'Nothing, nobody f*cking cares'.“ Reddit
Seriously, Mind Your Own Business
"So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own business and says: you go to hell too!"
"My sister: do you want me to say anything to your mom?" - Reddit
Take It Like A Real Man!
"It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me."
"Hudson: 'Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?'"
"Vasquez: 'No, have you?'"- Mike-DropJames Cameron Aliens GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
When You Get The Teacher In Stitches...
"English class in Middle School."
"Kid A - 'yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night'."
"'Must feel like sh*t having a mom that works at McDonalds'."
"Kid B- 'at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work'."
"English teacher far louder than he realized 'DAYUM!'."
"The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on."- Nutella_Zamboni
Living Up To His Reputation
"Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace)."
"JO: 'And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you?'."
"SH: 'There may even be a universe where you are funny'."- bugfish03
When They Go Low, You Go High!
"Overheard by me, the school bus driver."
"One fifth grade student was belittling a first grader."
"When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, 'Congratulations!'"
"The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus."- emzirekJeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James CordenGiphy
"Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa."
"Joe: 'I guess your long hair makes you a woman'."
"FZ: 'I guess your wooden leg makes you a table'." Reddit
It's sad when people have nothing better to do than belittle others.
Making it hard to feel that they get just what they deserve when someone school's them with a clever comeback.
Hopefully teaching them to use their time a bit more wisely going forward.
Being diagnosed with cancer is news no one ever wants to hear.
For some people, the diagnosis might come as a surprise, with no signs or warnings whatsoever.
Others, however might have detected some irregularities, or suffered from symptoms which led them to believe something wasn't quite right, leading them to run to a doctor.
Only to have their worst fears realized.
"People of Reddit who have gone through or are going through cancer, what was the first sign that made you go to the doctor?"
Lucky To Be Scolded By Dad.
"I was fooling around in a mall as a kid."
"So My dad grabbed me by the neck to make me behave."
"He felt a lump on my neck and immediately began to get nervous."
"We went to the doctor the next day, caught the cancer before it spread and was able to surgically remove it about a month later."
"Got super lucky."- SockFeetLover
"My sister noticed a small painful lump in her breast shortly after having her second child."
'Doctor diagnosed a blocked mammary gland."
"A couple weeks later it still wasn’t gone."
"Again doc said blocked gland."
"Months later it’s still not gone and she insists on getting a second opinion."
"Stage 3 breast cancer."
"Double mastectomy immediately followed by months of agonizing radiation and chemo only to find out it’s now stage four."
"She’s been stable for a few years but now it’s spreading again and we don’t know how long we have with her."
"Trying to be as positive as possible."- KidGorgeous19
"My 33 year old husband was diagnosed with inoperable glioblastoma, most aggressive brain cancer, in January 2019, when he was 31."
"What caused him to get a check, was persistent headache that didn’t go away with paracetamols and sleep."
"We discovered the tumors after taking an MRI."
"Needless to say, our lives were changed forever."
"Now we are at the end of our journey, and it’s been a harrowing experience for me as his wife and caregiver."
"It’s a lonely journey."
"I don’t wish it upon anyone and no one has any idea what glioblastoma is like, unless they have gone through it."
"The median survival time is 14-18 months."
"Viktor has passed away yesterday, on 1st August."
"He was surrounded by his brother and me and smiled a lot to the very end."
"At his final resting position, his face looked relaxed and a little smile can be seen by us too."
"I am still in shock, processing what has happened to us. I’ll take the time I need to process this and grieve."
"I just miss my husband."
"I miss his laughs."
"I miss his smile."
"I feel loved."
"I know I’m loved."
"So that’s keeping me together."
"May Viktor find peace."
"I know he’s not in pain now."- syarkbait
Swollen Head and Neck
"My head and neck area became very swollen."
"At first I thought I was just getting fat, so I worked out a lot and ate better."
"This did not help."
"I also went to a local clinic and they thought it might be an allergic reaction and gave me steroids, which also didn’t help."
"The thing that finally made me go to the emergency room and not leave until I had an answer is that I started to develop unexplained bruises on my chest."
"Turns out I had a huge tumor in my chest which had grown around my heart and was compressing the superior vena cava so blood couldn’t flow back down from my head."
"The good news is that it turned out to be very treatable and I’ve been cancer free for 11 years now."- eskimospy212
A Different Lump
"Funnily enough, it was a totally unrelated lump."
"'Nope, that lump is fine, just a lipoma'."
"'However, we found another lump in the corner of your x-ray and we need to biopsy it'."- something_crass
"Super heavy periods that would last for 10 or more days."
"Got an iud to help control bleeding."
"Actually hemorrhaged so bad the iud came out."
"Endometrial Cancer, huge tumor in my uterus."
"Ladies, it's not normal to need a tampon and pad at the same time."
"It's not normal to need to change them every 10 minutes or even every hour."
"An average period is 2-3 Tablespoons, just for reference."
"Sorry if TMI."
"I am one year NED (no evidence of disease)."
"I was diagnosed at 40."
"The main take away is if something is not right, keep looking for answers and the right physician."
"Heavy periods do not usually mean cancer in pre menopausal women, but there is no reason to suffer through them."
"Post menopausal women should not experience any bleeding, one drop and you should go to the doctor right away."- Icewaterforall
If something seems off, or doesn't go away in a reasonable amount of time, it's always best to see a doctor.
Even if you have the slightest doubt.