People on Reddit who know Doomsday preppers were asked: "What are they like?" These are some of the most insightful answers.
Apparently God would allow the devil to unleash all the demons of hell on Earth and collect all the souls of the unfaithful. There would be no electricity, no running water, batteries wouldn't work, generators and cars wouldn't work, and to go outside would mean instant death, presumably by being dragged to hell by a demon.
They full on bought into this story and ran with it. Not surprisingly, there were a bevvy of publishers and writers who wrote books on the subject, and my parents bought them all and made them required reading of all us kids. There were prayer books, rosaries, idols, votive candles, pamphlets... all kinds of paraphernalia all over our house. My parents bought votive candles by the case, because during the three days of darkness only votive candles would burn. They stockpiled water and canned food in the basement. We even had a family disaster plan in place for when it would happen, how we would get to the house, and what we would do during the three days.
This went on for six or seven years. I was 13 when it began and it continued all through high school and into my first two years of college. I talked about it at school and people thought I was [nuts] (which, in retrospect, I was). I tried to get my favorite teachers to believe me, because I wanted to save them. I didn't have very many friends to begin and this only made things worse. The bullies at school went from casually tormenting me, to full on targeting me. I skipped my senior prom to go spend a weekend retreat for young men considering the priesthood because I didn't have a girlfriend, and I thought people would just make fun of me while I was there.
I didn't realize it at the time, but it was incredibly stressful. I was living in fear of the end of the world as I knew it, and I didn't know when it would come. I didn't know who among my loved ones were going to live or die, or for that matter whether or not I was worthy enough to live through it. I prayed constantly, read the Bible, went to church, and tried to be the perfect Catholic. It also gave me a crippling anxiety disorder until I was about 23 years old (oddly enough, the age I lost my virginity and stopped going to church), and to this day I live with the vaguest feeling that I am, in some way, guilty and horrible and I'm unworthy of what life has to offer.
My parents never offered any explanation or apology for that ordeal. To them, they were being good parents, because better safe than sorry. I've never talked to them about it, and they've never tried to bring it up with me. They never said, "Well kids, I guess it's not true..." It just sort of went away. The books and pamphlets all got put into boxes. The canned goods and water got used up. The votive candles are still down in my parent's basement from what I remember, but they're covered in dust, and haven't been touched in years.
I'm no longer Catholic. I have a deep resentment towards the church, and I have serious doubts about the existence of god or any god. I don't believe the world is coming to an end, except in 4 billion years when the sun expands and encompasses Earth because that's what science tells us will happen.
2/22 Relax, we're not all lunatics afraid of zombies or some neo-facist government takeover. Some of us are Canadians who remember harsh winters when the power would go out for a few days.
3/22 So, I wasn't raised by a hardcore prepped, but my grandpa is one. He started stocking for Y2K about 5 years prior. My siblings and I never really thought much of it because we were raised in the mind set of grandpa is a little unhinged so we should just smile and nod when he goes off into his "the world is going to end" rants.
Anyways, the new year comes and goes and life continues on as normal. Three years goes by, school lets out for the summer, and my dad received a call from my grandpa. Grandpa wants to "borrow" me for a week so I can help him move all of his stuff from one storage unit in our home state to his current state, so it'll be closer "just in case the world ends, I've read some troubling things in the paper, son."
Next thing I know, my grandpa and I are standing in front of a 20 by 35 foot storage unit, filled top to bottom with those plastic storage tote things. These things are filled with dollar store flashlights, duct tape, rope, batteries, socks, undies, and who knows what else.
As the days wear on, and my thirteen year old self is starting to get very tired of hauling these totes into the back of a rental truck and then driving for eight hours just to turn around and do it again, I notice something. We have emptied out about 30 feet deep into the unit. The next row of stuff was toilet paper. Wall to wall, floor to ceiling, a row of toilet paper. I'm thinking "cool, something useful." Boy, was I right. The last five feet deep was toilet paper. Oh my god, so much toilet paper. We ended up making the last load with noting but toilet paper in the back of the rental truck.
Again, years go by and my dad once again received a call from my grandpa. The year is 2012. He is calling to complain about how he has finally ran out of toilet paper and now has to go buy a pack.
4/22 While I wouldn't say doomsday preppers, my family is pretty big into survival skills and food storage and all that. I guess I had a normal childhood, my family keeps food storage and we used to have some 50 gallon drums to hold water in before we had to empty it to move. I spent my childhood learning knot-making, camping, survival skills, shooting, and a bit of woodworking. My favorite story has to be when I went on a survival trip with my Boyscout troop a few years ago, and we slept without tents or food or a fire source and fished mussels out of a lake to eat. Life is pretty normal aside for my ridiculous stash of camping gear for Boyscout and backpacking trips. If theres anything I've learned from all of this, its that self sufficiency is one of the best feelings you can have, it's the combined meaning of hope, confidence, and strength.
5/22 I had a very good friend in high school who's grandparents raised him. They were pretty religious people, and believed fully and completely in the whole Mayan calendar doomsday thing. But they were christian. So, they saved up all this canned soup (because canned soup will save you from doomsday) and believed that if they hid in their basement during doomsday that they would be able to survive. But in 2012, when it didn't happen they took it a step further. They decided to move the whole family (3 children) to Utah to live on a secluded farm in order to save up for and prepare for the future doomsday. They believed that they would be told by Jesus somehow of the next doomsday and by hiding in their basement in their large house in the middle of nowhere Utah, their lives would be saved. And from then on they would have to repopulate with all of the people who were saved after armegeddon. My friend used to call my crying (keep in mind he was 15 year old kid) because he was so upset about what his grandparents were making them do. It was pretty [messed] up.
6/22 My parents got real into doomsday prepping from the time I was in middle school until the end of highschool. It screwed with my head a lot. They were certain the world was going to end or drastically change within a few years, and that life as we knew it would change completely, or we would all die. (Because the bible, duh.) anyways, it didn't affect my life that much other than mentally. My mom kept a huge store of food in the basement, and they would always lecture us on what to do when the world ends. The rapture was coming! Mostly it just made me feel like putting effort into succeeding was not useful, because we were all going to die anyways. I grew out of that eventually, when I realized that the reasons the world was going to end was just conspiracy. I'm pretty normal now, other than the fact that I'm helping my parents build their "bug out" cabin for when the world ends. I try not to think about that stuff too much anymore though.
7/22 I was raised by a common-sense prepper Father, and I am eternally thankful for the time he spent teaching us and training us the skills he did.
My Father was divorced from my (terrible) Mother, and had custody of all 3 children. He did not prep for the Big Earthquake, or 2012, or any other crap like that. He prepared for situations that we were regularly in danger of. Such as wildfires that would take out an entire neighborhood, or blizzards that prevents us to shop for close to a week. Or drought. But most certainly....he taught us self-sustainability to reduce living expenses, and to always have in our heads that another Depression or catastrophic agricultural failure WILL happen again.
So....he taught us how to grow all the produce we would eat year-long, including preserving for winter. He taught us methods of saving water, and preparing our gardens for droughts. He also taught us how to raise chickens, rabbits, ducks and geese, as well as fishing and hunting.
He taught us to always have a wood-heater with a cord of wood, or kerosene heater (with stores of Kerosene).....because the years he could not work due to health, we had to depend on that wood stove and Kerosene heater due to little money.
He also taught us firearm responsibility, how to make fire different ways, First Aid, medicinal plants, budgeting a savings just in case, etc etc etc.
It made for a very interesting and well-rounded childhood. To this day, I teach my daughter the same skills and mindset, regardless of our success. Better to be prepared than sorry.....
8/22 Lots and lots of extra food.. "Here's 5 pounds canned carrots that expires next month. We aren't eating them so you can have them."
Just imagine a storage shed with tons of food and that's mostly it. Nothing too [wild], they (some relatives) just had a bunch of food. And also a huge water storage tank. Everything else was normal.
9/22 It's pretty weird.
My mom is into it, my dad isn't. I don't remember when it started but my mom was really into Catholic prophecy. Back when I was maybe 10 she got really into it, she said that the apocalypse would begin before i was 16. She had this whole timeline, where there would be three days of darkness and a bunch of other stuff. It didn't happen.
She used to be into the idea of Nibiru, which is this planet that's on a very weird orbit that takes it very far away from the sun. When it comes near earth, it shoots comets at us or something. It isn't real. She also believes in something called killshot, where the sun shoots lasers at the earth. I'm not sure how that's supposed to work. She wasn't very into 2012 but she was open to the idea.
Recently she's been more into societal collapse type apocalypses. She invested tens of thousands of dollars in gold, because after the financial and electrical systems fall apart she will be able to access her vault and sell her gold or something? She said society would collapse July 2013, that didn't happen. Right now her end of the world date is this October! It has to do with China, and also God's punishment for gay marriage.
She doesn't actually prep much. She buys lots of flashlight and things, but i really don't think she'd survive an apocalyptic event. She's into herbal medicine, because after society collapses she wants to be a healer.
I never believed her, but it was stressful, because I never really 100% knew, there's always a part of me that says oh my god, what if she's right. But I know it's [nuts]. The main fallout is that she spends a lot of money on stuff and that every plant has some medicinal purpose she has to point out. I also know a lot more about conspiracy theories than the average person, and it has kind of complicated my relationship with religion. But overall it wasn't too bad.
10/22 My boss was really into the personal defence/weaponry aspect of all of this. Guns, Russian fight training, knife play, etc. It always made me feel like in a real meltdown he would be one of the first to be targeted because everyone knew about his collection.
I always try to remind people that we (the world) have been through some serious situations before and we got through them acting as a cooperative groups, not a bunch of violent individuals.
11/22 Not quite a doomsday prepper but I grew up in a church that believed the end of the world was literally going to happen any day. Remember the Left Behind series? Like that, except we actually thought it was going to happen. Everyone who was a Christian was going to disappear off the earth and then the earth would go through mass destruction.
The result of this kind of teaching is fear of being alone (so many times I thought it had happened when I couldn't find my parents), fear of the future (I was scared to sleep without begging God not to take away my parents that night), many of my peers and myself didn't make plans for the future like studying or trying to decide what we wanted to be when we grew up because we thought it was pointless. The world was gonna end so why waste time studying. A lot of people I knew rushed into marriages and children because they wanted to experience having a family before "the end". And just lack of patience in general. The thought of waiting for anything was hard because I never thought I'd still be here in a year, I felt like that since I was 12. I've struggled with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Thankfully I think I'm getting over it now. Last year when I realized I was making plans as far as 5 years into the future without thinking I'd never get there I nearly cried with happiness.
The most prepping I ever did was when I saw a place that seemed like a good hiding place out in the countryside I'd keep it in mind as a potential hiding place if [everything goes wrong] and I was left behind.
12/22 My in-laws are the only people I know who could even come close to being described as preppers. My FIL slowly acquired various skills over the course of 30-40 years. He's an electrician by trade, a ham radio operator, he took up astrology to learn the ephemeris and how to read stars, woodworking and carpentry, he's licensed to own a handgun. He has Nokia cellphones stashed away, wrapped in tinfoil to protect against EMP. My MIL can make her own clothes; plants a small hobby farm's worth of vegetables every year; pickles, jams, cans and preserves all of it; she can slaughter a pig and butcher it.
This is just the short list. They certainly aren't the most hard core about it, but they still bring bug-out bags when they come to visit.
My wife wasn't raised a prepper. They did all this right out in the open. There are only clues that you can see looking back that reveal a pattern or long term plan.
13/22 Not raised, but I rented a room in a prepper's house for a few years. The guy was super nice, and didn't come across as [nuts], except for his massive distrust of govt.
He had chickens and food that would last them for years. Pros: fresh eggs every morning. Cons: chicken coops smell like chicken [poop]. This wasn't all that weird as we were in rural New Mexico.
In the house, there were a few closets completely full of dried beans and rice in airtight containers. Other drawers had MREs, various supplies you might take camping, etc.
To be quite honest, it was not at all bothersome and actually gave me a lot of comfort that, on the odd chance he was right in his weird predictions, we would be ready. I think a lot of people could be better prepared for disasters than they are.
14/22 Like others here, my mom wasn't a full-blown prepper. She's a woman who likes the idea of being prepared during an emergency.
When my mom got a big tax refund a few years ago, she stocked up on about a year's worth of non-perishable foods, emergency supplies, and we learned survival skills. Although we ate all the food not due to an emergency, but due to hard economic times, it was a major relief to have something to fall back on when times got tough.
Some of the weird things though, we had a plan to get to Canada, seeing my mom thought Bush was going to declare martial law.
15/22 My dad is an atheist doomsdayer. In the 80s, he thought there would be a race war. (He's racist, but not openly in public. Only his family really knows. He made a lot of "jokes" when we were kids, like when we did something we shouldn't, he'd say, "Dont do x. White people do it like this. Heh heh!" I know. So gross.) Later, he worried about the climate or whatever was in the news. He owns a bunch of land with a barn on it. It's where he'll go live off the land if [everything goes wrong]. When I was a kid, our house was "off the grid." We had solar panels in the early 80s. We had a room filled with batteries the size of car batteries. (They have since crapped out and he's trying to recycle them somehow.) We had a huge garden and canned a lot. He bought antique, wood and coal powered steam engines and horse-powered threshers (and draft horses) so we could farm without gasoline, should we need to do so. He saved EVERYTHING. He is a hoarder, but not the dead cats and trash kind. He saved containers. Scrap wood. Whatever he thought would be useful. He was [nuts] about waste and overconsumption. He had a system everyone had to follow in order to wash dishes with the least amount of water. In the Midwest, we didn't have A/C or central heat, just a woodburning stove. He heated all our bath water in the winter on the stove to save energy. My mom pretty much went along. He relaxed a bit over the years, which saved their marriage.
16/22 My dad likes to be prepared for any and all disasters that may occur, natural or man-made. He treated every day likeTHEWORSTPOSSIBLETHING would happen if certain precautions were not taken. As a result, I was raised to be very aware (despite the lack of likeliness of some events) of any and all dangers related to the following: stranded in the woods, stranded in the desert, severe weather, intruders, firearms, child predators, falling pianos, fraudulent checks, etc. Ultimately, everything was potentially very dangerous, and therefore everything should be approached with the most caution possible.
When Y2K theories came around, my dad stuck to that like white on rice in a snowstorm. He spent literally almost all of his free time preparing in anyway possible for what he saw as an imminent storm. Definitely spent New Year's of 2000 crying in our "fortified" basement clutching a gas mask surrounded by several years worth of food, medical supplies, water drums, guns, and ammo.
Even after the threat of Y2K faded, my dad kept up with the emergency bunker, and calls it a "hobby" instead of "prepping" now.
17/22 My mom stocked up on so much vacuum-sealed toilet paper, rice, and beans for Y2K, we were still using it over a year later.
18/22 I guess my mom is a prepper. Enough food for two years in the house, God knows now much else stored in various places on the farm. Guns, 4 gardens, tons of farm animals to eat... I don't know my mom is kind of [nuts] but life was pretty normal growing up aside from having to be home every time a doomsday thing happened. Y2k, start of the LHC, end of the Mayan calendar, and now that I love further away from home I have a chest freezer and generator thanks to mom and she often tells my husband and I we need to take off work days of major solar flares (her new end of the world cause).
19/22 My gf's father was a prepper. He used to make the family do evacuation drills at different times of the day; morning, afternoon, evening, middle of the night... He dedicated an extra bedroom of the house to non-perishable goods, like canned foods, paper plates and eating utensils, gas and oil, hmm, I'm not sure what else was in there. Oh, obviously guns and ammo. All the money he earned was put towards his stock-pile, except for a small amount for whatever he needed to last him until his next paycheck. He has a very well-paying job, but he wouldnt use any of his money to help my gf with, well, anything. She wasnt able to get finincial aid for school because she was still "dependent" on her parents and his income is too high for her to qualify. She doesnt want to take out a student loan. Shes 24 now and we live together, so shes no longer dependent.
20/22 My dad has always had the opinion that one thing or another was going to happen, and we'd all have to fend for ourselves against a government out of control, roving gangs of people, or even foreign military invading the US.
We all had to be prepared. "Beans and bullets" is what he called it, and it consisted of making sure we had adequate weapons, food, supplies, and shelter in a remote location. We'd spend entire weekends (or longer during summer break) working with other small groups to create a secure, secret shelter and storage of supplies in one location or another. It was always hard, hot, dirty work; but sometimes the target practice was fun.
From an early age, I would hear about the possible things that "all signs point to happening within the next few weeks". This sort of thing happened probably twice a year on average, and no matter how many times it turned out to be complete [bullcrap] and fear-mongering by the people profiting from the purchase of whatever the latest survival gear was - he just kept buying into it time after time. "I know I've said this before, but this time it's being reported by multiple credible sources. This time it really is about to happen." It got old.
Some of the possible things that were "just around the corner":
- The draft would be reinstated, resulting in mass protests, riots, martial law, and the end of life as we know it.
- The US economy would collapse, causing a run on the banks, mass hysteria, riots, martial law, and the end of life as we know it.
- The government would come take everyone's guns, resulting in mass protest, martial law, and the end of life as we know it.
- The current war would spread the US military too thin, and a foreign power would take that opportunity to strike, resulting in mass hysteria, and the end of life as we know it.
- The current war would turn out to be a "false flag" to distract us from the real threat, resulting in the end of life as we know it.
- The Antichrist would take power, resulting in the end of life as we know it.
- Any other conspiracy theory; take your pick, really; resulting in the end of life as we know it.
From an early age, perhaps around 10, every time one of these events was "right around the corner" we'd have talks about what might happen, the family evacuation plan, meeting points, and what might happen to us if "they" get us (dad killed, kids enslaved), and how important it was to be prepared, have a plan, etc. I remember these talks would scare me when I was a kid. Later, as the "boy cried wolf" over and over, it changed from fear to worry, to annoyance, to "sure, Dad, whatever" complacency, and finally to him taking the hint and not bringing it up any more. This was a slow change over about 20 years of my life from age 10 to 30, give or take.
My parents were together for about 7 years before they had any kids, and it was roughly another 10 before any of these talks that I can remember, but I'm willing to bet my mom had to listen to it all those years before as well. Her patience is unparalleled.
For the most part, my life wasn't too different despite all of this. I went to a normal school, did normal kid things, had normal friends. I just also did other things like spend time working on building shelters or burying stores of food and supplies; or spending a weekend roughing it with just some basic camping gear and doing some very basic pseudo-training with weapons. From about the age of 9 until I moved out on my own, we lived outside the city limits (because the city is the last place you want to be when all hell breaks loose), so it was tough making friends when you live 45 minutes from the school you attend. Y2K was a huge deal for my dad, although I only went as far as packing my camping gear and 6 gallons of water in the car when I went out to party for the night. Some time after my brother and I moved out, my mom finally had enough, and my parents got a divorce. The "beans and bullets" wasn't the only reason they split; my dad could also just be really hard to live with. But I'm sure it wasn't just a small part of the problem. Over the years (and for many reasons), my dad lost the respect of his family, and that's very hard to recover from. I'd say he's still struggling to recover that respect, and he doesn't always move in the right direction in that regard. We all get along now (even my divorced parents), and have regular family dinners and hang out. We still disagree on things from time to time, or even argue a little. But that's every family.
21/22 When I was a kid my babysitter was an older woman who really believed in doomsday events, I vividly remember her Y2K prepping. She bought ungodly amount of canned and freeze dried food, toilet paper for at least the next 10 years, and so many crates of bottled water. One of the things she had read told her to buy fruit roll ups because they were quick and easy calories that never expired. Well kids being kids we snuck into her storage and ate sooo many fruit roll ups, I mean hundreds of them. I remember being so sick afterwards.
22/22 I wouldn't call my parents full on preppers, but they are pretty much ready for anything. It all started with y2k. They were certain it was going to be full blown chaos at the stroke of midnight. My mother has since become obsessed with "society collapsing"... Her favorite show is the walking dead, and I think secretly she wants something awful to happen. They have squandered most, if not all, their savings, so I don't think retirement is going to be an option. The have safes full of guns, about 25,000 rounds of ammo, and they keep enough dehydrated food to last them at least a few years. They bought a second home way out in [rural] West Virginia, just in case " we need a fall back plan".
It's weird, I'll admit. I haven't lived with them for over 10 years, but my mom makes sure to call me and give me the scoop on the latest thing I'm supposed to be terrified about. Whats worse is that she is a conspiracy theorist. She only gets her news from Alex Jones and the Drudge report, which is a problem in itself.
She bought 100 bottles of some iodine that Alex Jones was schlepping...she dropped off a few bottles after the whole Fukushima thing. It's called survival shield, and she wouldn't take no for an answer, and she buys practically everything they offer on the infowars.com web site.
To be honest, I think she's losing her mind, and she's dragging my father along for the ride. It kinda makes me sad...she's so far out of touch from reality these days, it makes it difficult to talk to her. Every conversation turns into yelling at me for not "taking action to make sure my family survives". My poor father, damn it he's a saint, just let's her rant and rave. I think he likes having the guns, but the prepping thing is all her ideas and doing.
What is it about someone that captivates you instantly?
Could it be the twinkle in their eye as they talk about their passions? Or perhaps its their overwhelming sense of humor that draws in everyone in the room?
Whatever it might be, everyone has that one trait, that one quality, that can make them instantly interesting to someone listening nearby.
"What's one thing which makes someone interesting to you instantly?"
It doesn't even have to make sense why that person is interesting to you.
If they're only funny to you, and no one else, doesn't matter.
You'll sit, listening to them, for as long as you can.
Make Me Laugh
"Sense of humour"
"I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together."
You've Seen Things Others Haven't
"If they have traveled outside their home country or have lived/are living outside the home country."
"As someone who spent the last 15 years outside my home country, this is normal for me, or that they’ve learned a second language.(I have too just not always the language of my host country)."
Math And Numbers All The Way
- "If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho"
- "Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend."
Totally Got Into A Fight With A Bear
"Facial scars, and not ones done intentionally. If you got a big ol scar on your face, you've seen some sh-t, and I am dying to hear about it."
"I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo."
"Can't say I've seen sh-t, but I sure as sh-t didn't see that table."
Conversations are tricky to navigate, especially when you think you'll do nothing but bring the group chat down.
That's why when someone perks their ears up to give you the floor, it's intriguing.
Let's Talk TOGETHER
"They draw people into the conversation by finding topics of mutual interest."
"A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind."
"You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties."
Take Your Time. I'll Listen.
"People who can find the sentence through all the stuttering I do and are actually interested to chat for an undetermined amount of time"
"Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time"
Or Maybe We Don't Need To Talk At All
"Ability to enjoy and appreciate comfortable silences without having the need to constantly talk."
"Nothing's more annoying than someone who constantly talks just to fill the air."
You don't know why, you just know how it feels.
It's a gut thing, deep down inside, that lets you know this person is something special.
Let It Out
"Passion. Doesn't matter about what, they could be passionate about installing toilets and I'd listen to them. I find it infectious."
"YES fully f-cking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul."
"They’re not afraid to like things. I’m so bored of people whose personality is based around not liking things or being too cool for things. Coming from someone who used to be extremely cynical — cynicism is boring."
Eyes That Make You Feel
"Their eyes. Some people have very kind eyes and I’m extremely attracted to that."
"Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter"
Speak Your Truths
"Honesty. Even at their own expense. Extremely attractive trait in friends or significant others."
"Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst."
Trust your gut.
You never know what kind of fascinating individuals you'll be lucky enough to interact with.
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Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.
It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
Can We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
"I also choose this god."
Assuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
One Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
Genderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
Oh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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Are you like me and the 1990s were only 10 years ago?
Yes, I can do the math, but 1990 being 32 years ago still seems unreal.
Why is that?
Maybe it's the fact it marked the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st.
Either way, it just doesn't seem that long ago and the nostalgia for the trappings of the 1990s is strong.
Redditor PrimaryYam9432 asked:
"What is something outdated from the 90s you want back?"
"I lived in a one bedroom apartment in San Diego in the nineties to the tune of $400 a month. I'd like that back, please."
"I looked up the specific place I lived. That one bedroom runs $1,650 now."
Cheesy Video Games
"Westwood Studio's real time strategy games featuring cheesy live action videos between the levels. I'm fine without the dial-up multiplayer though."
Subscribe, Subscribe, Subscribe
"Software that you buy one time and own. Looking at you Adobe."
"Being able to own things without having to take out a subscriptions."
"This is exactly what I was going to say. Being able to buy something and be done. Now everything has a subscription attached to it."
"Software is one of the worst examples but even the auto industry is trying to get in on the subscription money by requiring additional monthly plans to access features of your car that you already paid for."
"A local HVAC company is attaching a subscription to their work. So you pay them to install it all and then a monthly fee for them to be on-call in the event it needs maintenance."
"At work our IT support company stopped doing ad hoc service calls unless you subscribe to their monthly service plan. So the company is paying triple the price and getting basically the same thing except in theory the amount of service call they can request is 'unlimited'."
Your Local Video Store
"I miss going to video stores and browsing."
"I do too. That was a fun Friday night as a kid. Going to Blockbuster to pick out a new movie to watch."
"It's not the same getting on Netflix and spending an hour looking for something to watch to only wind up watching something you've already seen."
"Yep! As a kid my dad would come home from work on Friday evening and take us to Hollywood video."
"We’d pick out a movie and get a pizza on the way home. Good times."
"Reasonable commercial lengths."
"Now ESPN has 5 minute commercial breaks..."
"My least favorite trend is a commercial break, then they come back for 1-2 minutes with some tiny snippet of 'coming up next!' then go to another commercial break."
"Or they smash the credits into a tiny window, while running ads on full screen. Can't even read the credits if you wanted to."
"Not having to make an account for EVERYF'KINGTHING!"
"And lately every time I sign up for something, they send me texts now too in addition to emails that I don’t want. Leave me alone!!"
"I'm so over this. Especially when you're supposed to make a different password for every account you have. My brain only has so much memory for passwords anymore."
"This is probably more late 90s/early 00s than the 90s as a whole, but a social media-less internet."
"It felt like an escape from real life, as opposed to an extension of it."
"Remember when they told us to never identify yourself on the internet? And now they put their whole life on it."
"I miss web 1.0 where anonymity was the point."
"Remember when our parents told us not to trust anyone on the internet, but now believe everything they see online and lecture us about it?"
"My mom when I was 16 and got my first PC: 'Don't put your pictures online!'"
"My mom now: 'Send me grandson pics nowww! Need new profile pic and header!!'"
"Geocities web pages, made with heart, not for money."
"I do miss Geocities. It was sh*t, but atleast anyone could have a web site for free hosted on a server that was relatively fast and reliable."
"Nowadays, good luck to find a good free web hosting..."
"Oh my god, my bff would purposely go to my crappy Geocities site and sign the guestbook as ridiculously over the top characters like 'Madame Consuela de Soliz-Camacho-Dubois St Bernard,' and she'd write their comments in Spanish, German, French, whatever she felt like that day."
"It was so stupid but for idiot teenagers back in the 90's, it was the height of hilarity that she could prank me without being in the same room. Good times."
Why Is This Phone Smart?
"Not being able to be reached 24/7."
"Remember when the only people who had cell phones or pagers were doctors and high end business professionals that NEEDED to be reached at a moments notice."
"Now, everyone is expected to be available at any time. And if you elect to stand your ground and establish a separation between work/personal life you're considered 'rude' or 'difficult to communicate with'."
"Yeah, remember when you let the house phone ring during dinner?
"I remember my dad grumbling if the phone ever rang: 'It's dinner time, nobody should be calling now. Who calls during dinner?!'"
"You didn't call people's house after about 8pm either unless you knew it was okay. It was rude—that was private, home time."
Buttons & Knobs & Dials
"Technology with buttons and knobs."
"Agreed! Some things I just don’t want a touch screen for."
"I hate touchscreens in cars because 1) you just know they'll wear out and be expensive to replace and 2) I can't use it by feel and have to take my eyes off the road to adjust anything."
"Agreed! Why does my Microwave need to have touchscreen? I don't want to touch the panel with my fat butter and chips fingers. I want use the back of my hand."
"All my touchscreen appliances start to fizzle and fail pretty quickly. All the analog or mechanical ones still work from decades ago, or I can at least open them and clean some contacts."
Nostalgia is a funny thing—we tend to romanticize our past.
If we truly went back, we'd probably discover all the things we'd miss from our future.
But we still miss a lot from the 1990s.
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You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.
Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.
It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.
Nooo thank you.
People told us all about their own reservations after Redditor princesspeaches8 asked the online community:
"What's something you'd never buy secondhand?"
"Most people don't realize..."
"Motorcycle helmets. Most people don’t realize that helmets expire and lose effectiveness even after relatively small impacts."
Best not to tempt fate and get a new one for sure.
People cut corners and then pay the price with their life.
"...unless it was from someone I knew for certain..."
"Climbing gear, unless it was from someone I knew for certain is an experienced climber and cared for their gear per manufacturer recommendations. Even then, I'd prefer to buy new."
The last thing I would want if I were a climber would be to realize that I am using faulty equipment!
"You want bedbugs?"
"A mattress. You want bedbugs? That's how you get bedbugs."
Bedbugs terrify me.
No thank you.
"Since nobody else has said it..."
"A car seat. Since nobody else has said it, I will. Secondhand car seats are so dangerous. You have no idea if they have been in an accident, after which they are supposed to be replaced no matter how minor."
All it takes is one accident.
Don't risk it.
"I got into a whole argument..."
"Tires. I got into a whole argument about it with my automotive teacher in school, and everyone laughed at me and called me spoiled, but I just don’t feel that it’s worth taking a gamble on people's safety with used tires."
I believe this depends on the tread, though.
"Jigsaw puzzles. Bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for £3, spent a few hours making it only to find 6 pieces were missing."
I'd be so upset after spending all that time!
"Three things I would never dream..."
"A toothbrush. Toilet paper. A condom. Three things I would never dream about buying second hand."
People buy used condoms?
What is going on with the world?
"It happened when I was 10..."
"Shoes. It happened when I was 10. My mom bought me a pair of boots from The Salvation Army that I just had to have. Athlete’s foot. HORRIBLE. It took powder, not spray, to get rid of it."
I am also very hesitant to purchase used shoes (and won't) and I understand that this is a privileged opinion.
"There's no warranty..."
"Crucial car parts. Like used tires, brake pads, brake rotors, rack-and-pinions etc. There’s no warranty from the back-alley Craigslist dude and if those parts have defects you won’t be able to stop or steer. Which leads to you quickly performing the room-temperature challenge."
You see, I don't drive, but if I did, this would definitely be something I wouldn't do.
No way I'd purchase crucial car parts from some rando!
"I was very open to it before..."
"Most second hand things now. Especially furniture and clothing which can't be checked thoroughly. I was very open to it before. But bed bugs really terrify me now. All it takes is one to start an infestation, and they hide in things like the labels and behind boots and screws. The eggs are about the size of dandruff."
As mentioned before... bedbugs are terrifying.
I don't think I can stress that enough.
Sometimes saving a few dollars can cost you a lot.
Why risk it?
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