First dates can be awkward; ridiculously painfully awkward. In my case they've been particularly awkward because not everyone involved has always known it was a first date. Yeah. It's been cringey.
One Reddit user asked:
Waiters and waitresses, what are some signs you're serving a first date?
and that sent me down this weird rabbit hole like ... how many servers were fully aware of all the cringe that happened? Did they go back into the kitchen and talk about it? How many people now know??? After I stopped spazzing I realized that situations like watching someone get shut down, stood up, awkwardly fumble their way through first dates, etc. must all be pretty commonplace for servers. These responses totally confirmed my theory, it happens a lot and sometimes it's just as awkward (and in at least one case potentially dangerous) for the servers as it is for the people on those dates. Brace for cringe in 3...2...1...
Expect The Unexpected
The biggest sign is when they order something the other doesn't expect them to get.
"I'll have a Guinness"
"Oh you like Guinness?"
Story Time
One time I had a couple who were talking about what they had been doing the previous summer, indicating that they didn't know each other until recently. They ordered a bottle of 100$ red wine, and when I came back with the bottle the guy had started telling a gross story. He was bragging about how he was so hungover on vacation that his friends had to carry him inside the airport, where he had puked multiple times on various people/things etc.
The girl left the restaurant before she even finished her first glass of wine, and the guy stayed and drank the whole thing himself without ordering any food. The best/worst part was when he also chugged down her half finished glass before he left as well.
Lull
Weird lulls in the conversation that consists of information friends/partners should already know. Like how many siblings they have, desert island movies, etc.
Figure It Out
Staying way beyond being done with their meal and drinks, usually because they don't want to try to figure out if they're meant to be going home together or not.
Still Not Sure
On my first date with my now wife, our waiter figured it out for us.
We had been acquaintances for years through mutual friends and when we agreed to grab dinner that night, neither of us were sure if the other was in it for a date or just dinner with an acquaintance/friend. I guess we were being just awkward and giggly enough that our waiter (who had known us separately as regulars at this restaurant) blurted out "oh man, are you guys on a date?!?" We both just started laughing nervously while looking at each other and flop sweating. The waiter felt the awkwardness multiply and backed away like Homer Simpson into a hedge.
9 years later we're married, the restaurant went out of business, and I'm still not sure if it was a date or not.
Stop Talking About Your Ex
Not a server, but a former barback and one of my favorite things to do while working is to eavesdrop and try to figure out what the deal is between people having meals together. Here are some things that tell me that it is a first (or possibly second) date:
- "What do your parents do?" / "How many siblings do you have?" / "What do you do for work?"
- A surprising number of people (mostly male patrons where I work, no idea why) will ramble on about their past relationships. I've learned to use this as an indicator that they are on a first or second date. I notice it so frequently that I've been tempted to tell them to stop.
- If the couple gets quiet after disagreeing about something trivial like an opinion of a certain band or activity.
- Uncomfortably long pauses followed by something like: "It's been so cold out lately".
- crimppit
The Spilled Drink
GiphyThat giddy little laugh at jokes that aren't funny. The look of new love. The awkward trying to get close but shyness overpowers and maintains a distance. Also had a few women straight up tell me, so I'd help get them out of it. One woman paid me $50 to spill a drink on her, so she'd have to leave. Lol.
Yes, I did spill the drink on her. When he was in the bathroom she prompted me for help. I agreed and didn't ask her to pay me or anything, she came back afterward and tipped because of his behavior, but let me start at the beginning.
She ordered an iced tea and I "spilled" it when I brought it. When I did, the guy went nuts on me. Up until then he seemed like a nice, polite, and totally normal guy. He was terrifying. Had me in tears. She left even faster than she originally intended. He paid after more yelling and complaining to my manager (who was in on it) then left.
She returned and tipped me the $50. Her phone was lit up with messages from him, he was quite aggressive. Totally dodged a bullet there. She and I have since become friends. She always brings first dates to my job and we have a code worked out now. Although she hasn't needed it in a while since she is currently dating a good friend of mine. They are super cute together.
We also have a note in the woman's room that explains if you order xxxx drink (changes regularly) we will help you leave without causing a scene. We have a similar note in the men's room, with completely different appetizer instead of drink (yes, men need an out now and then too).
The Employee Discount
When he leaves before the food he ordered is made. I brought it out and she asked for the bill because he left. Brutal experience. She had to pay for his drinks and food. She didn't even want to packed his dinner up to eat later. This was not a cheap restaurant but the tables were close together so it must have been mortifying. I gave her the employee discount.
- krammaii
Get A Drink
The dead give-away is the conversation; it's always about mundane stuff that people would know if they were friends, colleagues or had been on a few dates before; childhood stuff like schools and towns you lived in, vacations which were cool, first date topics.
Not ordering booze whenever the person who ordered first doesn't order booze is a good one to. If you go on a date and you want a glass of wine, beer or cocktail; freaking order one. Doesn't matter he/she just ordered a sparkling water; they are nervous too. Take the lead, get a drink.
- Alwin_
The Blind Date
When they come in and ask for tables separately, then sit across the restaurant from each other for ten minutes before realizing the other was there. (It was a blind date.)
Bartender Tales
Bartender here. I work at a cocktail bar that has a nice ambiance and gets a ton of people coming in for dates.
First dates take the longest time to order- they have the introduction/ice breaking to overcome before they even look at the menu. Then, when they get to the menu, they are often still kind of interacting with each other "what do you like? Bourbon?" And not really taking in what they're reading.
Once they finally order, I like to make their cocktails right in front of them, maybe do an extra fancy garnish, give them something to talk about!
The best dates are of course the ones who don't even notice me there, they're locked into their conversation and don't have eyes for anything else around them. They drink their drinks really slow, more likely to get another round. And they could be talking about their childhood dog or how many brothers they have. The worst trouble they got into while growing up is a topic I've heard a few times.
And then there are those dates that fizzle out. These ones drink their drinks very fast, or don't finish them. Lots of people sitting in silence, both credit cards out.
- rediov
20 Questions
When they're sitting at the bar top playing 20 questions and both are too nervous to get more than one drink and actually eat something.
- akibilko
Uber Home
When the wasted guy went to the restroom and the girl took the opportunity to ask me to cash her out as quick as I could so she could get the fuck out.
I ended up getting her an Uber home.
Manners Matter
It was how slow and carefully the guy ate his food. Gently wiped his mouth and chewed all the food before talking again. Also, not constantly on their phones.
Crushed
I waitressed at a somewhat fancy family restaurant. Our menu was in the 15-25 dollar range for entrees, and the atmosphere was very cozy. Full bar, great appetizers, and awesome desserts... Usually, first time dates would be slightly too dressed up for the atmosphere, and generally the guy would be really nervous.
I will always remember this one time a gent came in dressed up and got a table in the quieter part of the restaurant. He was very friendly and did tell me he was on his first date with his crush of 3+ years. He only got two waters on the table and was fidgeting around. Unfortunately, he waited at least two hours with no texts or calls back. I could just tell he was super crushed. He left without saying a word, but I saw him crying as he left the building.
On Alert
Its pretty easy. Their face expression is very awkward. (Most) don't have their phones out at all. If you are on a 5th or 20th date. Chances are you'll have your phone out or at least on the table. How they posture themselves is also very alert. Not a lot of comfort.
Get The Fried Pickles
I once stopped by the table while one of the parties was in the bathroom and had the girl ask me "We're on a first date, what food should I get?" And I was like whatever you want - but she was concerned about what her date would think of her food choice. she wanted fried pickles and a quesadilla but thought a salad would look better. I told her get what you want cause if a boy doesn't like that you are eating fried food he's a tool anyways.
- Shrie
It's interesting what people are initially attracted to about a person.
Some are drawn instantly by one's appearance based on a person's general attractiveness or how they dress and groom themselves.
Others seem to be turned on by one's attitude–like how a person presents themselves in public and how much confidence they exude without an air of pretentiousness.
If and when the object of one's affection is romantically obtained, the way in which the next step in the relationship progresses could be a sexy success or a total deal-breaker.
Curious to hear strangers recalling a deciding moment, Redditor JokeRadiant3881 asked:
"How did you feel the first time you saw your partner naked?"
These were triumphant reactions.
For Lack Of A Better Word
"I literally said 'woah' out loud."– ALIEN_Human_HYBRIDRomantic Thrill Ride
"Like a kid at Disney world. Hadn’t been on any rides yet but was excited to be there nonetheless."
– -Praetoria-
Headrush
"don't remember, no blood flow to my brain at that point."
– DoctorNotAnEngineer
Revved Up
"Horny."
– Shaggy_Poop
Complete Looney Tunes
"Remember that cartoon dog where his jaw hits the floor, tongue rolls out, and his eyes bulge out to the sound of an old timey car horn? Basically that."
– squaredistrict2213
Confidence levels were challenged but these Redditors were pleased with the results.
We Are Not Equals
"Felt sorry for what I had to offer in return."
– CurlyBill03
MILF Love
"Same! I’ve had four kids and had a lot of extra skin and sag. Man did NOT care. He seemed just as stunned as I was."
– TooTallMcCall
Embracing It All
"I felt the same way for a bit, with my hubby after baby. But every time I'm naked, even though I don't like where my body is at, he looks like he hit JACKPOT. So I feel better, knowing he thinks I'm hot, sexy, beautiful, even more so then before because I'm the mother of our child."
– DiamondEyedBarbie
Physical endowments were admired.
Life In Real-D
"She had deceptively big boobs."
– HappyDodge2
Object Appeared Larger Than Expected
"I felt like WOWZA im one lucky girl."
– Professional_Hour702
Breakfast Show
"Well, I’m 54 and got out of a marriage where my ex never felt comfortable being naked around me. My new fiancé has no problem getting naked and gives me a little show each morning she gets dressed. And she’s got an amazing body at 55!"
– macgiv
I'm very self-conscious when it comes to my body, but nothing says sexy like seeing the physical response from another man giving me a huge thumbs up, so to speak, after seeing me in my birthday suit.
Verbal affirmation isn't all that it's hyped up to be.
But body language? Now that is everything.
Mothers Explain How They'd Feel If The Father Asked For A Paternity Test
In every relationship, there are bound to be some tough conversations, like how to budget and deciding whether to move somewhere new.
But there are other conversations, like getting a paternity test or going through someone's phone, that potentially imply a lack of trust.
Redditor BlueSharker asked:
"Women, would you care if your husband wanted to do a quick, basic, cheap DNA test to make sure the kids are 100% his? And why?"
Healthy Relationship
"I love the wording of a 'quick basic cheap' test, like hey, it's no big deal, this is a totally normal quick little thing healthy strong couples do!"
"Like, Baby, it's no big deal. I just want to test the kids' DNA to make sure I can trust you."
- kaksereciklira
Feeling Insulted
"I just asked my wife this, and she said, 'I will rip your nads off and feed them to you if you want that d**n test.'"
"So yeah, they care."
- exportz
Holy Insinuation, Batman
"Asking for this test either means:"
"1. You think I cheated on you but don't want to actually accuse me directly of it and deal with the fallout of being wrong which is both cowardly and insulting and also didn't work."
"2. You have been spending time on unsavory red pill internet sites and are dumber and more gullible than I thought when I married you and I've now lost all respect for your critical thinking skills."
"3. You don't want to be married or be a father to our kids anymore and are looking or an excuse to leave. Perhaps you are yourself cheating, or you are hiding some other secret or opinion from me and have been for a while."
"None of these scenarios are good. I would 100% be rethinking the whole marriage at this point. What else are you going to blindside me with and when? Probably better to just leave on my own terms than wake up one day and find you gone and all the accounts drained."
- Fantastic_Poet4800
Lack of Trust
"I wouldn't be opposed to the actual request because I have nothing to hide."
"But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage and that is the bigger issue that I would be seriously concerned about."
"That would generally be my same response to any hypothetical requests for my husband to look through my phone. Like superficially, I don't care. It's just memes and pics of our kids. But the inevitable longer form conversation that gets triggered by that is why is the trust gone."
- golemsheppard2
Quiet the Haters
"I’ve offered it to my boyfriend for our one and only child to shut up all the naysayers in his family who were telling him it wasn’t his."
"And he said my offering is even more suspicious than not offering."
"Which, I don't know how the f**k that makes any sense, but whatever dude. The kid is yours. Do it or don’t. I don't care."
- linkxlink
The Terrible Mother-in-Law
"My ex-husband’s mom was really weird about our firstborn not looking like him."
"He and I are very different in looks, where he’s black hair, and tan skin, and I’m strawberry blonde, and very fair."
"The son was born with brown hair and blue eyes."
"He tans a bit but definitely doesn’t look like his dad... because he looks like a darker-haired version of MY dad."
"The crazy s**t was, my ex was cheating on ME for most of the marriage and both kids are absolutely his because I don’t play stupid games."
- Dorkadoodle
Child Support Conspiracy
"My father tried telling everyone I wasn't his kid (I was conceived maybe a week or two before he got caught cheating on my mum)."
"My nan took one look at me and laughed in his face. She eventually convinced him to acknowledge me and pay his child support. I love my nan."
- maybebabyg
Going No Contact
"When my parents’ divorce started getting nasty, my father accused my mother of cheating, and that I was the result of it."
"He asked me over and over again to get a test and sure enough, I’m his biological son. He didn’t believe the result and kept asking me to do more tests."
"Among other reasons, I don’t speak to him anymore."
- Loopnova_
Taking the Estate
"I got my revenge on my dad's family who never believed I was his (my parents were together for 30 years but never married)."
"He passed away without signing his will. At his funeral, his sisters poked at my nose and pulled on my ears, questioning whether I was really their niece."
"So I got a posthumous paternity test done. The entire estate went to me and I didn’t give them a dime."
- qiwizzle
Empathetic Testing
"I would not care. My husband found out late in life that he has a different biological father due to DNA testing and it crushed him. I would understand that the test has more to do with that circumstance than his trust in me."
"That being said, even after going through everything with his dad, he never tested our kids, but I told him multiple times to go for it and I’d be totally fine!"
- CharacterLoquat6950
Accidental Discoveries
"One of my best friend's dads bought her and her two sisters Ancestry.com tests only for her older sister to get a 'Congrats! You have a half-sister!' email after my friend’s results were submitted."
"Obviously, she called her dad like 'What the f**k is this,' and he had them retest the results twice."
"He had to be the one to break the news to my friend. He absolutely had no clue before this happened, and he broke down crying and told her that she was still his daughter regardless."
"We were 24 at the time, and I genuinely can’t imagine how it must’ve felt to be either of them receiving that news."
"Her mom even tried to deny it at first before finally coming clean."
- ElysianReverie21
Grocery Store Antics
"'Here's a picture of my kid' … 'and here is the DNA test proving it!'
"'Can I leave now, officer? He just likes to scream kidnap for fun…'"
"Sigh. I love taking them to the grocery store with me."
- drewbreeeezy
Dad Jokes Galore
"I recently discovered that none of our three children are mine biologically."
"I feel so stupid, I should have known something was up when they all existed before I met my wife."
"All kidding aside, as a stepdad, I do find it genuinely tragic when dudes completely abandon kids and withdraw all love because it's not theirs, not their problem. I understand complex emotions surrounding the marital betrayal, but I can't imagine just peacing out on a kid whose fault it categorically isn't."
- Overthinks_Questions
What's the Point?
"Our kid looks so similar to my husband that her face unlocks his phone."
"Sure, do the test."
- noopibean
Not the Mother
"As a child, I overheard my Mom say to my Dad, referring to me: 'She is nothing like me. Are you sure you didn't cheat on me?'"
"I really never had much in common with my Mom, and at that age, I didn't know anything about how babies are made, so I thought she was serious and lived with that doubt for a few years."
- MsMaggieMcGill
While some people were able to make jokes or could otherwise point out why paternity testing had been helpful in their own lives, most were concerned about the lack of trust asking for a test implied.
Even in our progressive society, there are still far too many people with antiquated, mostly ludicrous, opinions of what it is to be a woman.
These are primarily from men in powerful positions.
However, some women also tend to look down on those who believe they are giving their gender a bad name.
This ignorant behavior is most commonly known as "toxic femininity".
"What are examples of toxic femininity?"
Caring About Your Image More Than Other People
"Girls who only support other girls when it’s convenient for their image."- flowerchild_3
Worry About Your Own Children, Not Other Moms
"Moms bullying other moms."- LollipopDreamscape
Men Are Parents Too...
"Dad of a 5 year old girl here."
"When my daughter was a couple of months old my wife discovered a nearby play group and was planning on taking her there for a session."
"I decided to take her myself as it landed on one of my days off and I wanted to spend some real time with my little girl and my wife deserved a break."
"The play group is taking place in a large community hall and there's quite a few people there with kids ranging from newborns to around 4 or 5."
"However I quickly noticed that out of about 30ish parents I'm the only man there and everyone stares at me."
"I think nothing of it and proceed to the soft play section for the babies to play with my daughter."
"Not 10 minutes pass however and I notice mums and even nans pretending not to stare at me and talk under their breath."
"At first I thought I was being paranoid because I was nervous being the only dude there but then I noticed it was several groups doing it.'
'I then overheard one of the mums in the baby section with us say to her friend/sister/who cares that I must be dodgy or on the offenders register."
'Yes."
"THAT register.'
"All because I happened to be the only dad there.'
"I picked my daughter up, told the women where she could stuff her opinions and promptly left."
'I told my wife what had happened and then she went back by herself and had a somewhat heated exchange with the organisers."
"Sometimes I think I married a dragon because she returned with a face so red with rage you'd think she just breathed fire."
"Play group mums can be sexist as hell."- LostMercenary99
Never Pass Judgement Without Knowing The Details
"Mothers shaming C-Section moms saying they didn’t give birth because the child was surgically removed."- Sufficient-Voice-210
"My wife could not produce enough milk for our children."
"When our first was born she tried and tried."
"I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying."
"She felt like she was a horrible mom to even bring up formula."
"There is so much pressure on moms, and it is incredibly stupid."
"Our kids are very well adjusted and were on formula the entire time.'
"I tell anyone who is expecting their first that the only 'right' way is the 'right way for that child'.”
"Damn everyone else’s opinions; do what is best for your family; not the mommy bloggers."
"My oldest is 10 years old and my wife is at peace with it; she worked through her guilt, which I totally agree she should not have any guilt: she is an excellent mother."
"The statistics on breastfed vs. bottle fed have other correlations which I don’t want to take the time to defend, anyone can read the studies, but adding other factors like home life and atomic households, the delta between the two are not as big as the breastfeeding fanatics point out."
"Lastly, anecdotally and take this as a a claim from a dad.'
"My kids are healthy and hyper-intelligent."
"My oldest has been consistently tested through school as top 2% composite intelligence, and she is thriving in advanced classes."
"I say this because there are people who say that IQ is impacted by breastfeeding."
"It just isn’t true, my children thrive, they are healthy and they know they are loved."- Lokitusaborg
If You Can't Take The Heat...
"Being verbally abusive and then playing victim the second the other person argues back or raises their voice."- No-Bumblebee4615
A "Real Woman" Would Probably Never Say This...
"Pulling the 'if you're a real man' card whenever they need something."- Reddit
Not Everyone Is Meant To Be A Parent
"Mothers telling women without kids that their life is meaningless and they can’t understand true love."- DontShowMomMemes
No Man Is Worth The Trouble
"Women who throw other women under the bus for a man, or the attention of a man etc."- KekeSmall
Happily Ever After Has Many Different Meanings
"That single women should be sad."- hallelujasuzanne
Being Self-Serving Ultimately Serves No One
"Women that only want traditional values when it benefits them."- SnooCakes653
Just because someone, no matter their gender, lives their life differently than you do doesn't mean they are deserving of your judgment.
Especially if they are happy with the life they are living, and aren't bringing harm to anyone else.
Anyone believing others aren't fitting their expectations of what it is to be a "real woman" or a "real man" might want to stop and re-examine their standards.
No matter how old we get, we still find ourselves keeping up with the latest trends.
Binging the show everyone's talking about, downloading the newest app, and partaking in the latest social media craze, all in an effort to appear cool to our friends and colleagues.
Of course, not all of these trends are "cool" to us.
In fact, sometimes we grudgingly partake in these trends, no matter how idiotic they seem to us.
While others have no concerns about being cool, and won't even think about joining in with everyone else, choosing instead to gleefully look down on them.
"What's something extremely popular but you just can't give a f*ck about it?"
What Exactly Are They Trying To Influence?
"Influencers."
"They have a different vibe than I have/aspire to have, different ways of expressing themselves, different values, different beauty standards, etc."- smieklinsh
"So-called influencers."
'My personal opinion."
"If you like them, cool."
'No harm done."- queen_tabby
"Elon Musk.'
"Isn't aren’t part of my life, so why should I take time from my life to think about the crap they’re doing?"- attention21
Elon Musk Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyIsn't It Good News Either Way?
"Gender reveal parties."- Back2Bach
Just Another Distraction
"TikTok never got into it."- thneakythnake660
How Many Strangers Are Looking At Your Pictures?
"Followers on social media."- Single_Goat3138
Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"Figure" Heads being the operative word
"The Royal Family."- Natasha_JB
Comfort Over Quality
"Sneakers."
"Like, I’ll indulge and buy a pair I think are really cool."
"But other than that, why tf would you spend $2000+ on a pair of shoes that actually cost less than $10."- eggtada
Fame Is Seldom The Same As Qualified
"I’d say entertainers who are so wealthy and think they are the voices of normal people."-mayoinstrumentalz
Or Anything Else About Him?
"Ye's Opinion."- SlimePrice
Just How Real Was It?
"Reality TV."- brycebrycehayeshayes
Phaedra Parks Reality Tv GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphyCan It Even Be Considered A Chat?
"SnapChat Streaks."
"Since when was a fire emoji and a number a symbol of popularity and friendship?"
"I just don't have the time for this sh*t."- Yes-I-Have-Arrived
Quality Over Quantity
"Starbucks."- Maleficent_Insect71
The best thing about opinions and personal taste is that they are unique to every individual.
No two people have to like the same thing, nor should we judge those who dislike something we like and vice-versa.
Even if it's hard to say it's unreasonable that not even two people should give Elon Musk or Ye any time of day.
Though again, that's just an opinion...