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You can't help but to overhear bits and pieces of conversation when you're waiting tables. Sometimes, those conversations turn out to be extraordinarily awkward to overhear.


Reddit user Romantic_Amoeba asked:

"Waiters of Reddit, what f**ked up sh*t have you overheard while waiting tables?"

I saw a mother take her knife and with the flat part of it, whack the hand of her 2 year-old child because she was drawing something with her left hand. She yelled at her "No, use your right hand. Good girls don't write with their left hand."

This was as I was standing there taking their order and writing with my left hand.

MFoy

My favorite was a group of nurses. Pouring waters as one says the sentence "So a guy came in for an adult circumcision yesterday..."

Never ask a nurse about their day. It was worse than yours.

Justice_Man

I approached a table with a family of five to take their order. Two adults and three kids from about 5 to 10 or so. One of the kid starts to say something and the father cuts him off by saying "Don't say another word Peter. Nobody says a thing until princess Mommy makes up her mind and decides what she wants for dinner." Followed by long awkward silence and me leaving.

YourDadsBoss

Party of five or six, it's a group of friends having dinner. In walks a clown. Clown starts randomly walking around the restaurant doing balloon animals for kids and stuff like that. I have no idea what is going on, we didn't hire this guy.

He walks over to the table of 5 or 6 and selects a man from the table to perform a magic trick for. He did the trick, a small flash of smoke and fire happens and then magically there is an engagement ring on a rope. The man takes the ring and the woman gets on her knees and asks the man to marry her. The man says no, tells her to get up and they continue dinner. This table now has the attention of the entire restaurant (like 300-400 people on our busiest night). Everybody just turned away and started awkwardly eating like nothing happened.

did_it_right

Ex waiter. I'm walking down a long hallway carrying a tray of food. A kid comes running from a perpendicular hallway and run face first into the wall without putting his hands up. He starts crying. The dad walks behind him very calmly and kneels down and says, "Buddy, you just can't go running into walls."

McKeddie

"I heard if you complain here you get your meal for free"

I sidled by and politely told her that wasn't the case.

Fatherchristmassdad

My Mom and I went to a restaurant in a town we were visiting, and we were seated close by a family just sitting down to dinner. As soon as they sat down, the waitress asked if they wanted a drink. Dad and Mom ordered wine and son looks at waitress and then blurts out to his parents "I'm gay."

Waitress leaves. Parents look at their son and then look at each other. Mom then asks Dad what he is thinking of having to eat. Son again exclaims "I'm gay." Parents look at him deadpan and say in unison, "we know". Then waitress came and took our orders and I didn't hear what happened next. But they stayed and enjoyed their meal and seemed to be fine with each other.

indano

Giphy

Heard a group of 3 women talking about how each of their 4th/5th/ whatever many marriages are going and how they treat marrying for money as their career.

One of them paid with their newest husband's black AMEX card.

MistaFANG

I overheard a guy on a date, at the table next to ours, trying to impress the girl by saying that he loved swing dancing, and that maybe they should check out that "Swinging Richards" place sometime. Their waitress was in earshot and quickly explained to him that Swinging Richards was not that kind of dance club... (It's of the male nudity variety).

ame-foto

I overheard a customer talking about someone "coming and being so much fun". I assumed she was pregnant because she seemed to be showing a bit. I decided mid way through the dinner to congratulate her on being pregnant. To my horror she said "I am not pregnant". I felt horrible. I told my manager who comped their meals and I hid in the back for the rest of their dinner. Push comes to shove she refused to let the manager comp her meal and left me a $20 tip with a note that said "I was kidding I'm due in July."

xjman349

I work in a pretty big tourist beach town, an older couple comes in one night, super nice. They were there for a while, pretty much until close. I come by to ask if they need anything. "Actually, my wife and I were talking, and since it's our last night here, we wanted to know if you would be interested in joining us back at our hotel room?" I smiled, told them thanks but no thanks, but have a nice rest of your trip. They left me a hefty tip and went on their way.

deliverydrama

Giphy

I waited tables at a college town Ruby Tuesday. One not, we had a bunch of frat guys come in, all sitting at the same table. They ordered food and several beers. Everything started out fine, but after about 20 minutes, they were getting loud and dropping some f bombs and other things unnecessary in a family restaurant.

I could tell several of the other tables were slightly annoyed and a little uncomfortable, so I finally went over the frat guys and reminded them that this was a family restaurant and they were really going to have to tone it down.

One of the frat boys stood up, looked me straight in the face and sneered, "And if we don't tone it down, what are you gonna do about it?"

I was not prepared with an answer, but then I heard a voice behind me.

"I don't know what he's gonna do about it, but if you keep this up, I'm gonna come over there and kick all of your butts"

I turn around and there's this giant man out to enjoy a quiet dinner with his wife. His wife now looks amused at the prospect of her husband wiping the floor with a couple of drunk frat guys.

Anyway, frat guys quickly collect their checks, pay and get out. I comped dessert for the couple and it was a great night after all.

Ezra611

One time when delivering drinks to a guy and his wife who were sitting across the table from each other I accidentally caught a glimpse of the man's phone. The content was very inappropriate. He knew he was caught. I kept my composure completely and didn't skip a beat. At the end of the meal there was a $100 bill in the book in addition to the 20% credit tip.

SeptemberSquid

I've waited tables at a mid to upscale level family owned restaurants part time for 9 years. Its located in a suburban area of a Midwest city so we have a mix of rural and urban folks.

One night, I waited on a couple that looked more like the young hip urban crowd. They looked at the wine list for a good five minutes and when I came back, she asks me "what do the numbers by the price per glass mean" I thought this was a joke so I replied "the price per bottle of course". She stared at me for a moment, calmly closes the menu, and slaps her partner in the face with the menu screaming "WE'RE SO UNSOPHISTICATED!!! YOU NEED TO TAKE ME OUT MORE".

I audibly laughed I just couldn't help it. He however didn't find it funny.

Ol-Ben

We had a couple who would come in regularly and always asked to be seated in my coworker's section. They were probably in their 60s and were always really affectionate and cute with each other. My coworker would joke around with them all the time.

One day the man came in with a different woman than usual, and my coworker jokingly told him "ooooh, you're in trouble. I'm going to tell your wife you were here with another woman."

Woman said "Excuse me? I am his wife. Who has he been coming here with?" Dead awkward silence while she death-glares at her extremely uncomfortable-looking husband.

My coworker just turned around and walked away.

zapatodulce

I've been waiting tables for a little over a decade now, and I definitely have some:

-I once had to wait on a table where the mother and father were trying to calmly explain that they were getting a divorce to their 8-10 year old son. They started the conversation before the appetizers even hit the table, crying by the time the entrees came, and still stayed for dessert. The little boy kept asking if he did anything wrong.

-I used to work at a nice bar in a really nice part of town, so a bunch of stories there. I was propositioned by a woman and her husband definitely old enough to by my parents, more than once. Overheard a couple discussing pricing for the evening

too_clever_bluebird

Had a guy confess to banging his significant other's sister when I brought their drinks to them. It was an anniversary. I guess he thought it would be the least likely place for her to cause a scene. She caused a scene.

captaincous

Not overheard but saw when I bussed tables in high school:

I watched someone change a poopy baby diaper directly on the vinyl booth seat, then leave the poop smeared wipes and poop filled diaper on a plate on the table!

Ohmannothankyou

I was once helping a friend by washing dishes in her Cafe. I would often bus tables also.

It was a buffet.

A woman asked the guy she was with:

"Are you full?"

He said "Yeah, but wait while I make another plate."

She said "Why"

He said "Because it's a buffet"

When I bused their table he had left a plate full of meat, no veggies, no bread, no dessert, just a plate full of every meat on the buffet.

ConCons_Husband

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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