Who is still drinking Corona? 

Early 2000's.

Working in an Italian restaurant, this one cat insists he needs lime juice for his meal. As we're an Italian restaurant, we don't have any on hand for our menu items, but the bar should have some. Thinking out loud I mention that the kitchen doesn't have any, but the bar throws those into bottles of Corona, so I might be able to get some there.

Customer: Are you going to charge me for that?

Me: No, I think I can get a garnish for you.

So I come back with the lime and he looks confused.

Customer: Where's the Corona?

Me: I'm sorry - you said you wanted the lime? Did you want to order a Corona as well?

Customer: Yeah I want one, you said you wouldn't charge me.

Leading into a back-and-forth wherein he's upset I didn't bring him a free Corona with his free lime, because he misunderstood me. official_fox_news

That's a whole lotta ranch! 

A Mom and young son (maybe 8?) came in to the restaurant I waited tables at for lunch. The Mom asked her son what he wanted to eat, and he replied with "ranch."

I politely asked if he meant, like, a salad with ranch? Or French fries with a side of ranch?

The Mom looked at me, rolled her eyes in embarrassment, and clarified—he wanted a soup bowl full of ranch dressing...

I walked into the kitchen and discussed with my manager, because I had no idea how to enter that into our POS system. My manager and I came to the conclusion that we should charge her for an entire bottle of ranch, so she paid $10.99 for a soup bowl full of ranch dressing. (Yuck) Dpg2304

Smile! 

I've had an older gentleman ask me to smile so he could see my teeth. He told me I had really nice teeth and looked like I took care of them.

He was with his adult son who then apologized and informed me that his dad was a dentist but has alzheimer's so he didn't mean to be weird. shannibearstar

This isn't a buffet! 

> Oysters!

I explained we are a burger joint, no oysters. He takes off his coat, talks to his date, then stares at me for a second.

> Oysters!

I explain again, no oysters.

> Two dozen! Oysters!

After a third and fourth time where he barks an order at me, then acts all busy so he 'can't hear' my response, I stop and stare at him. He asks again, I just stare, he asks again, I just stare. He finally makes eye contact with me. "Sir, we are a burger joint, no oysters." He is finally forced to acknowledge me.

> So go get some!

We were in a casino, we were the only restaurant open at 2AM, he knew this but expected me to run around to some closed restaurant and grab raw shellfish them just happen to be hosting during closed hours. connaught_plac3

I Can be Bought! 

Working as a server (17ish) had a drunk lady ask to give her a ride home. I finished up closing out my section and gave her a ride because I knew the area pretty well. She was really nice and everything, but had a couple drinks too many and her friends had already left a little earlier and she was too embarrassed to make a scene or call someone. She gave me $50 and I was stoked. sean__christian

Not Wet! 

I haven't waited tables in about 10 years now but I'll never forget the guy who asked for his steak "dry." When I pressed him for what he wanted explicitly he explained that he wanted "no juice" to come out when he was eating it. I told him it would take about 30 minutes to cook his steak that done, he said that was fine and off I went. Our steaks were pretty miserable portions in the first place, and the cut he ordered was the smallest one on the menu, so when I returned with his tiny little 6 oz flat iron that had been absolutely desiccated on the grill he looked understandably disappointed. He took a few bites of it and decided "it wasn't very good," which was underselling how bad it looked and almost certainly how bad it tasted. panascope

Don't Whine! 

I worked in a wine store in a dying shopping mall owned by a local winery We had this 'wine club' program and I'm pretty sure this couple were the only active members.

But the level of entitlement these people had was something else. We'd offer samples of a few of different types - usually a Pinot Grigio or a Chardonnay, a merlot, and maybe a riesling or a fruit wine or something that was mass produced and inexpensive.

These people would come in and start ordering me around, would start demanding samples of this Cabernet Sauvignon that cost $80 a bottle (which we never sampled for obvious reasons). The guy would drink the strawberry wine and start critiquing it like he's a sommelier or something. Once a quarter the winery sent out coupons to its members where if you bought one bottle, you got another one half price - the woman always tried to buy a $15 bottle then get the $80 bottle for half price. It became this quarterly fight she'd try to pick.

They'd always try to pull this right at closing time, too, which is really when I lost patience for it. Weird_Map_Guy

Chicken Forever! 

Not a server, but I used to be a line cook. I once had a server come back to my saute station and tell me she was about to ring in a chicken dish and the guy specifically wanted it just overcooked to oblivion. I cooked it like I normally would, then I microwaved it for three full minutes, then I held it in tongs and burned the crap out of it directly on the burner flame. I was totally ok with getting reprimanded for overdoing by a mile. She came back to me a while later and told me that the guy insisted that she thank me because it was the best piece of chicken he'd ever eaten. It was basically the food equivalent of finding out that some guys like to hire women to step on them in high heels. I was absolutely blown away. ebimbib

Honey... it's only lettuce....

Table of two. They both ordered the same thing.

Lady A wanted to add a salad. Sure, it will cost extra though. She said that was fine. Lady B then decided that she also wanted a salad.

At the end lady B wanted to know why she was being charged for a salad. Only lady A was told that salads cost extra. nsa_k

Gimme that Baileys! 

Friend of mine went to Cheese Cake Factory and ordered a "coffee with bailey's in it" for dessert. Took ages. Server comes back and confirms. More time goes by - the cook comes out and confirms.

Finally the waitress comes back with a cup of coffee with two bay leaves in it. I can only imagine how confused they were putting that one together. AdequateSteve

There is no BOGO here! 

Some old woman got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't substitute the side on her meal for ANOTHER MEAL. Like she wanted $16 Meal A, and for her free side, she wanted $18 Meal B, but with absolutely no upcharge.

She was like "Wow really, you're not going to do that for me? Are you serious?!" I was busy and didn't have time to play stupid games so I just said "No, I'm not going to do that for the price of one meal. You can order both meals if you'd like." She started up again until her daughter was like "Mom KNOCK IT OFF."

Bonus story about requesting only female servers: Another guy always refused a male server and requested a female one. If all of them were busy he would demand the female manager wait on him. He was always pissy and he'd try to play word games with us, presumably because he was lonely and miserable. He'd make up his own names for the dishes we served and refused to tell us what he actually wanted. One time I had him, he kept telling me he wanted a "large bistro-style salad," something that's not on our menu. I was sick of his crap so I said "Sure thing Frank, I'll go get it right now" and walked away. He was like "Wait!" because he obviously knew we didn't have such a thing. I just kept walking and told my manager I wasn't serving him anymore. She went over and chewed him out in front of a full dining room, so that was cool. GiveHerTheWorks

Wanna wear the ketchup?

"Can you make some organic ketchup?"

ME : "Ms, I'm pretty sure all our ketchup is organically soure--"

"You 'guess'?! What f**king good is that to me?!"

ME : "Uh.. I beg your--"

"How hard is it to purée tomatoes into a f**king ketchup?! Where is your head chef?!"

I ended up, at the chef's behest, bringing her a small dipping dish of ketchup from a bottle. I got a "See!! How hard was that?!" For a tip too lol crochetprozac

This is 'RED LOBSTER,' it's probably just from a can sweetie!

I had a customer ask what region the lobster was from in our lobster bisque, because he was allergic to shellfish but only from a certain ocean. All I could think as we had to call the head chef at home to ask about lobster source regions was that maybe the guy could...not eat the bisque. erikarew

This isn't 'The Vagina Monologues.' 

I was 21. I had a 60+ year old lady tell me she had her clitoris and nipples pierced, and asked me to look at them... in the restaurant. It was so weird, that the table next to them apologized on her behalf.

She also didn't tip well, I'm assuming, because I declined looking at her piercings. CHUNKY_BLOODY_QUEEFS

Happily Ever After... if she survived the proposal. 

I waited on a young couple one night, and before they ordered, the guy pulled me aside and explained to me that he was planning on proposing to his girlfriend during dinner, and had a special request: he wanted to give me the ring to give to the chef, so that he could insert it into whatever it is she ordered, so that she would find it while eating her meal. I explained to the guy that I didn't think the chef or my boss would go for that idea as her potentially swallowing or choking on the ring was a pretty big liability risk, to which the guy responded, "Don't worry I won't blame you guys if she chokes, and if she swallows it, we'll get it back!"

Just to humor the guy, I asked the chef and my boss about the guy's request and, despite his verbal waiver of liability, they confirmed that we couldn't honor it. As an alternative, I suggested maybe ordering her favorite cocktail and then I could place the ring around a straw or stirrer in the drink before I brought it out to her, but he replied that that wouldn't work because she wasn't 21. He ended up proposing more conventionally, and she said yes, and now 20+ years later I sometimes wonder whatever became of them and how their marriage turned out. VictorBlimpmuscle

Can't you cry outside?

This didn't happen to me personally, but was a story my Trainer told me.

He used to work in some really fancy restaurants where when your table requests something, you make damn sure it happens. The example he gave is a younger married couple came and sat in his section and the entire time their toddler is constantly complaining and whining about McDonald's chicken nuggets. No amount of food or drink could shut this kid up. He informs his tables he would be back in 5 min and to ask another server if they had needed anything for a few minutes.

He comes back no longer than 5 minuets with a Happy Meal for the kid.

From what I was told, that man's tip was WELL over 20%. BuddysGenes

I Hate Tuesdays! 

I bartended all through college at this bayside bar in Ocean City, MD.

Every Tuesday, we had "Senior Deck Party," where we'd set up a free buffet with all the mushy foods you can think of. The seniors would come through, grab a couple happy hour drinks, gorge on potato salad, and head out.

There was this one lady named Rose that would come, take up 2 seats at the bar (one for her and one for her purse) and sit there all day, demanding the following: A ginger ale in a highball glass with 2 orange slices, one lime slice, a lemon slice, 3 cherries, and 2 straws.

She never touched the fruit, it was only a status thing, and I was supposed to fill up her ginger ale every time it got to half a glass to restore carbonation. Any bartender will tell you, fruit is a precious commodity. This routine caused me extreme mental anguish.

I should also add, SHE NEVER TIPPED. frothyminx

To each they own... 

Back when I used to work in a restaurant I had a couple... but this is one that still sticks out in my mind.

One lady wanted her salad microwaved so the cheese would melt. I confirmed a couple of times, she wanted the entire salad, dressing, veggies, everything microwaved for melted cheese. It was a disgusting droopy mess, but she happily ate it. PNW-Tec

This is not a full fetish Buffet Lady!

Posed this before in /r/TalesFromYourServer

Had a waitress work for me that came to me about a table of guys in her section. 3 of them were teasing the 4th guy b/c he has a foot fetish and they wanted to buy the servers socks for him (his B-Day). She came to me and asked if she could sell them for $50 (their offer). First I asked if she was offended or disgusted by it, she was laughing and teasing about it, no worries she said. I told her this, "Tell the guys it's $100 and they should tip 100% as well. They did just that."

Now the interesting part: She would sell this guy her socks every few weeks and also sell them online for fetishists. She said she was making really good money doing this as a side income.

Interesting world we live in. GeckoFlameThrower

Here you go half Pint! 

Gentleman ordered half a pint of San Miguel. Looks at his half-pint glass in disgust, then at me in disgust, and asks for it in a "man glass." infinitespacegoat

I hope you poured that half pint into a pitcher and brought that back to him. HutSutRawlson

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