Waiters Divulge The Worst Valentine's Day Disasters They've Ever Witnessed At Their Restaurant

Valentine's Day is here! While there's nothing we love more than the unification of two souls, embraced in a romance that will most definitely stand the test of time, we certainly love an ol' fashioned awkward date story where everything that can go wrong does go wrong.
Fortunately, we have the people most up close and personal to tell us the juicy details.
Reddit user, u/Hamsternoir, wanted to hear:
Waiters what Valentine day disasters have you witnessed?
Just Keep Going Like Nothing's Wrong
I saw a couple have a full blown argument in the middle of the restaurant. The woman stood up, took her ring off, threw it at him and walked out. The man continued his meal, had dessert and then paid the bill, left a pretty big tip for the inconvenience and left!
At Least She Was Quiet?
Every year in my city, there's a big wine expo. One year it happened to fall on valentine's weekend and the expo was being hosted about half a mile away from where I worked at the time. Anyway, most of the couples who came in for dinner that night already had purple mouths, but one couple in particular was so gone that the wife spent the entire dinner with her head in her husband's lap, apparently quietly vomiting. They ended up paying and leaving halfway thru their meal and we found the wife's nice vomit surprise after they left.
To make matters worse, where they were sitting was a larger U shaped banquet meant to seat parties of 8 during regular service, but since it was valentines day, it was converted to two 2-tops. So of course we couldn't seat either table for the rest of the night until it was properly cleaned. Thank god the restaurant was a pooled house or i would have been way more peeved. Definitely made for a memorable vday
Annnnnnnd They're Gone
I'm not a waitress but was a delivery driver for pizza hut and 2 years ago this guy answers the door after putting instructions saying to write "I love you, ____". I get to the door and say, "Happy valentines day, this must be one special lady" but he opens the door sad and says, " I tried cancelling this order but you had already left". Still paid for the order and tipped me and I left.
Just A No-Win Situation From All Fronts
my restaurant used to make you sign a contract that you'd be out in an hour since we cooked the food in front of you & the time management was REALLY important for the kitchen; Valentine's Day was the #1 day for business.
We were basically triple booked (one reservation after the other after the other... everyone needs to be out on time) at every table for the night; most of the restaurant was adjusted into 2-tops to accommodate so it truly felt crowded & loud; i don't know how people didn't expect the restaurant to be busy.
the time crunch was a lot of pressure for me as a server, but there were some couples that genuinely would blame the restaurant for "ruining their experience" [by getting their food out too quickly] & try to get a refund. when they wouldn't get a refund, because they clearly signed a contract & we agreed to get their food out on time, they would just fight more, then blame the restaurant for their fighting.
oh boy. i loved Valentine's Day.
The Longest Three Hours Of Our Lives
A perfectly nice date. Then out of nowhere they stopped talking...for three hours.
Then started a big fight, who has to pay and that she didn't even want to come and that he is tired of her sh-t. She runs out crying, he's yelling after her "I'm not paying!". Lovely.
Oof, Indeed.
Last year I started working at a restaurant. [A] man had called in asking for a reservation. The next day he came in and sat down. After entrees he ordered a dessert and when it came out it had a "Will you marry me?" written on it. [The] woman yelled at him saying "Why would you do it like this? Such a lame way."
She destroyed the desert and ran out of the building.
oof.
This Is Why We Have Calendars On Our Phones
The free entertainment some waiters and waitresses get on this special holiday is pretty unforgettable. When I was a waitress, I had to work part of Valentine's Day at a restaurant & bar, and I'll never forget one encounter in particular. A middle-aged guy came into the restaurant already buzzed, and he demanded a booth. Since he had a reservation, the hostess seated him in a booth, and after he sat down, I brought him some menus. He kept anxiously looking at the door and his watch every few minutes. I asked him if he wanted to wait to order until his other guest arrived, and he laughed and said "oh yes, I'll wait, and then someone else may come by later, but I'm not sure yet." At first, I didn't think much of this, but later on, everything clicked.
The guy's date eventually showed up, and by that point, he was ready to order, so he quickly asked for more alcoholic drinks and appetizers. I brought the couple their food and drinks, and a few minutes into their meal comes another woman dressed all fancy, and she walks right up to the same guy in the booth. She gives him the most surprised face I've seen in years, looks angrily at the girl, and then slaps the guy straight in the face. She swore at him and huffed out of the restaurant. Several seconds later, the original date stood up, splashed the guy's cocktail on his lap, and stormed out of the restaurant.
I was shocked at how everything escalated so quickly, but I felt bad for the two ladies. When I went back to the table to see if the guy wanted anything else before giving him his check, he laughed and told me that he probably shouldn't have scheduled two Valentine's Day dates at the same restaurant, but oh well. I hope these two ladies found a honest and loyal significant other after that fiasco!
"Putting ALL The goods out there."
I was waiting on a table and it was a date for Vday which also happened to be their first marriage anniversary. The girl was beautiful. Tall and blond and was a collegiate vb player. Her husband a handsome military dude. They were fine during dinner and having some drinks, but the girl took what she thought was her allergy pill ended up being her ambien.
She was 4 whiskeys deep at this point and when it kicked in she literally fell asleep sitting there, smacked her forehead on the table as she fell out of the booth and landed on the floor, her red dress hiked up in a bit of a spread eagle type display while having been rolling commando for the evening. Putting ALL the goods out there.
Her husband, took it in stride and asked for a hand getting her out to their car.
Seriously. This Is Why We Have Calendars On Our Phones. There's No Excuse.
Former bartender here (not a waiter, I know).
Saw a couple come in. The guy was super nervous and the girl was super hot. They sat at a table and just ordered waters from the barmaid. Their talking got heated (I couldn't hear it over the music), and then she tossed the water on him and stormed out.
Guy walked over and said he'd just broken up with his girlfriend and could be borrow a towel.
I asked him why he chose to break up with her on Valentine's Day.
He looked at me. Looked at the door. And then said "oh sh-t. No wonder she was so pissed."
F-cking idiot. I poured him beers all night, but I never gave him an ounce of sympathy.
Really Staying On Top Of Things
ONce had a call from a guy on the 15th asking to make a reservation for valentines day. I pointed out it was the 15th and he was a day late. He responded saying that yes he knows, and his wife suggested he better not forget next year.
One Is Bad Enough, But Two?
Two failed marriage proposals on the same Valentine's Day.
The first one simply said "no I can't do this," and walked out.
The second one stared like a deer frozen in the headlights for an excruciating 30 seconds before muttering "let's talk about this later." They stayed for the rest of their 6-course V-day special dinner, eating and making painful small talk.
Awww, That's So HEY Where Are They Going?
It wasn't disastrous for the couple as much as it was the restaurant. I used to work at a small southeastern franchise restaurant, it wasn't anything you could mistake for upscale. We had someone call in and ask if we could fry the ring he was planning to propose with in a hush puppy. Extremely weird request, but we said sure.
They come in to eat with their families, she gets her order of hush puppies, doesn't choke on the ring and seems excited enough. Stayed at the table for about two hours total and chatted.
They dined and dashed.
Not Off To The Best Start
not really a disaster but this guy came in and said he was waiting for his date, he stayed for 5 hours waiting and she never showed, he eventually ordered for for himself and asked that I remove the other glass of water from the table, he said it was their first date
Sometimes, It Just Doesn't Work Out
Not a TOTAL disaster, but still not good.
Had a table of two people, probably in their mid 40s last year. Took 45 minutes for this couple to get their entrees due to our kitchen being way too slammed. When they were dropped at the table, they immediately asked for to-go boxes because they told their babysitter they'd be home by a certain time. I overheard the wife say "well I guess this is why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day". The worst part was that they weren't angry, just... very sad.
My personal feelings about dining out on Valentine's Day aside, I felt so horrible that this couple clearly had put in an effort to have a nice night with each other only to have it go that way. (We comp'd their meals, btw).
Tell Us How You Really Feel
Saw a couple have a full on argument at a restaurant. I wasn't their server but the table was directly in the center of the restaurant and they were certainly loud enough for everyone to hear. My manager kindly asked them to leave and the guys response was to yell "I've been wanting to do that sh-t for 2 years now" and stormed out
This One Was Personal
I was working as a waitress in a Sushi restaurant and Valentine's Day was an all-hands-on-deck shift. This guy I had just started seeing wanted to go out, but I told him that working in food service, you never get Valentine's Day off and we'd just have to celebrate the day after or the weekend after.
Nope. He got so upset that he went and asked a different girl out, came to the restaurant I worked at on V-Day and sat in MY SECTION. He then proceeded to spend the entire evening making a fool out of himself and making his date uncomfortable as he tried to make me jealous.
Needless to say we didn't go out again. Ever.
Everything Was Wrong
Back when I served food at one of those super touristy seafood restaurants, I worked a Valentine's Day double shift. For lunch, this younger couple came in celebrating their one year anniversary. I offer my congratulations and proceed to do my usual spiel before taking orders. The girl is looking more and more dismayed the longer I talk. Finally I get to the end and ask if there are any allergies. She looks directly at her boyfriend and states, "yes I'm allergic to fish and shellfish." Then looks over at me very sad.
I made sure every aspect of her meal was fine for her. But It was that look of "we've been dating a year and he still takes me to a restaurant that could kill me" that really did it for me.
Yeeeeesh
Happened to my poor co-worker;
A guy and his date came in for Valentines Day. They had a great time, ate a lot of food, drank a lot of wine, and got along really well with my co-worker who was their server.
About two months later they come back in and request my co-worker again, who happily says yes to serving them. He goes up and greets them, the guy introduces his wife to him, and my co-worker mentions something about how much he enjoyed serving them on Valentines Day. They go quiet. Wife gets up and leaves, guy just lowers his head.
Turns out he had brought his mistress in on Valentines Day, but my co-worker didn't realize he was with a different woman this time around so didn't think anything of it. We never saw the guy again.
"He paid and left in tears."
He proposed, she said no. He cried and tried to change her mind for 20 minutes while she sat there stony-faced. She finally got up and walked out.
He paid and left in tears.
Salt And Lemon On The Wound
Not really much of a disaster, but last year my work called me up, "hey buddy, we know you're single, can you come in as an extra shift tonight?"
Hey, That's Not So...Bad.
A 16 year old boy proposed to a 15 year old girl with a cheap ring in the whipped cream of her dessert.
She said yes.
Or Did You Come At The Exact Right Time?
I walked up to a table and was about to drop off the bill, caught the end of "it's over." Guy looked at me dead in the eye and said to "split that f-ckin check, right now."
Too Cliché To Laugh At
It was like a movie. I was bartending at an italian restaurant (not a fancy one, but still) and it's pretty much full of valentines dates. A guy walks in and sits at the bar by himself, looking pretty down. He asked for a whiskey, so I poured it, told him it was on the house because he looked like he needed it. He proceeds to tell me his story:
he had come to the city to surprise his girlfriend for Valentines (about a 5 hr bus trip between cities) and he sure surprised her. She was in her dorm room f***ing one of his friends from high school. He didn't know what to do, so he just walked into the first place that sold alcohol. I spilled as much whiskey as he wanted and watched the raptors with him. Never saw him again.
It's cliche, but it happened.
It's another ordinary day in America.
So of course that means we've already had a mass shooting or two before brunch.
And aside from the mass shootings, the number of single gunshot wounds or deaths is too high to count.
So let's discuss the aftermath.
Let's hear from the people who have faced the barrel of a loaded gun, or were just a casualty going about their day.
What happens after the bullet lands?
***CAUTION - SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD - TRIGGER WARNING***
Redditor notaninterestingacc wanted to hear from the people who have lived the nightmare. They asked:
"Gunshot survivors of Reddit - What does it feel like to get shot?"
Guns are not a joke. Please educate yourself before you purchase.
Then the pin hit...
"I took a 7.62 to the stomach in Afghanistan. Felt like somebody had smacked with like, I dunno, a flyswatter or something. A short sharp smack. Didn’t feel much until I tried to come out of cover and I just... couldn’t. Couldn’t make my body listen to me. Then the pain hit. I’d put it at like, I dunno, an 11/10. Bullet blew off half my liver."
eyeCinfinitee
Thank you EMS...
"Chest, .357 magnum, through sternum, lung, ricochet off of rib, through scapula. Still have half under my shouldblade. Felt like I was stabbed in the chest with a hot fire poker mounted to the bottom of someone's foot when they drop kicked me. Was not expected to survive (severe blood loss), of course. Very good EMS team kept the liquids where they were supposed to and great doctors and nurses kept me going."
mndyerf**kinbusiness
Knocked Back
"I didn't really feel either of mine until about 10 minutes later. Took a grazing shot off my left arm and one in the right hip that went out my back thankfully missing my kidney. The arm felt like a bee sting the hip knocked me back a step the adrenalin at the time masked the pain."
richwith9
The Masked Men
"I was shot during a home robbery. I’m probably one of The luckiest people alive. The bullet no joke scratched my cheek and then went through the top of my ear and also a bullet grazed my wrist and opened it up. I didn’t feel anything but just liquid running down my face and my wrist was burning."
"Scariest night of my life and RIP Christian. Miss you so much buddy. Here is proof. We... https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/katy/crime-courts/article/Man-charged-in-attempted-burglary-apartment-6236325.php Authorities said Burke and Brandon Fries, 21, fought the suspects for their guns, which were fired during the struggle."
"The two masked men fled, and investigators initially did not have any information about which direction they went or whether they escaped from the scene by car. Both Burke and Fries had been shot and were transported to Hermann Memorial Hospital in Katy. Burke was pronounced dead upon arrival at the emergency room, less than four miles away.”
Brandonfries28
Like a Rock
"I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. Honestly I thought a rock hit me. Just a slight stinging feeling. Didn't really hurt, I even kept running with my bike. Later at the hospital was a different story. The doctor tried to remove the bullet without putting me under."
"He said the pain medicine would make me forget everything. He gave up after a few minutes of hell. And, whatever he gave me didn't work as described, but it did oddly make everyone look purple from what I remember. So maybe it half worked? lol."
adamchilders
People really? How in the world do y'all get firearms?
Fleshed Off...
"Right thigh, 9mm, grazing shot across the front of the leg about 4 inches above the knee. It plowed a channel of skin and some flesh off the front. It felt searing hot like someone had laid a hot piece of metal on my leg for a second. Then, the pain went away for a while until the adrenaline wore off. It honestly hurt worse 6 hours later than it did when it happened."
morgen_benner
A slight pinch...
"I was randomly shot while walking down the street with my girlfriend in 2013. I didn't fall to the ground or anything like that. Walked into a store and told them to call the cops. It didn't hurt too bad at first. A slight pinch. The heat builds up and the pain comes in. Some throbbing as the blood pumps out. I was extremely lucky as the bullet lodged between my lower right ribs in the back just above my kidney."
"The aftermath was a really achey back. What I remember most was how everyone around me except for my girlfriend just walked around us like nothing happened. I was suffering and potentially dying and everyone just ignored it. 'Not my problem' I suppose. I lost a lot of faith in people that day."
SoggyPastaPants
Not the Head
"I accidentally discharged my 9 and I was hit in the head. While it was going on I honestly did not feel any pain but everything slowed way down. Healing and recooperating was the hardest. My mouth and jaw was wired shut for several months. Had to have complete facial reconstruction surgery."
"Had to take a piece of bone from my skull and graph it to my nose just so I could have a nose. I also had to have a feeding tube for almost a whole year. I've recovered fully and I'm very lucky. I remember mostly everything. Something's from the incident I don't remember, but for the most part, I have my memories in tact."
No-Kick1632
It Burns...
"My gf was shot, not me, but she said it felt hot and like impact but not particularly painful until much later. She was in shock and went to the hospital, after hours she said it started to hurt."
DntShadowBanMeDaddy
"This was my response too. It feels incredibly hot. It's like getting hit with a bee that's on fire. It burns like hell. But then, and only later, does is f**king hurt. The part two is that you might think you understand pressure, but get shot. It doesn't just hurt, it mashes into you."
trebuchetfight
Ricochet
"A good friend of mine got hit with a ricochet from a 9mm that hit his calf, there was drive by about a block down. He was outside of the bar smoking a cig when it happened, ran inside and felt his leg burning but decided to keep drinking. He had about 3 more drinks before someone mentioned he was bleeding… went to the ER absolutely hammered and was fine after surgery."
PM_Me_UrRightNipple
Please stay sober when handling a weapon. Please be careful in general.
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It's never attractive to gloat.
Nor does superiority ever come off as a particularly attractive attribute.
But, consciously or not, some people speak or behave in a way that immediately suggests that they think they deserve to be treated differently, i.e better than others.
Or that they believe they simply are better than other people.
A recent Redditor was curious what sort of behavior struck other people as elitist or arrogant behavior by asking:
"What screams "I am entitled"?"
Where's the fire?
"Impatience in situations where it should be just universally understood that you need patience".- c7hu1hu.
Positions of power.
"I will have you fired!"- Vergo27.
"Generally just leaving something for someone else to deal with."- Splatty_boi_420.
Sorry, but I was here first.
"People who cut in line."- Chad_Farthousse.
"People who ignore lines and cut in the front, like their time is more important than every other person patiently queueing."- ofsquire.
No one loves a tattletale.
“I’ll call my dad and tell him what you did!”- ROAM300.
Ever heard of quid pro quo?
"When they do something to you and think it’s fine but when you do it in return and they freak out."- Silvero129.
Name your price.
"I work as a ticket seller for a ski resort."
"My favorite entitled person is the guy who, upon finding out that the kid's ski lesson was sold out, offered to pay extra if I would kick someone else's kid out so his kid could have a spot."- Floranagirl.
Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to unwittingly show off your entitlement?
By being oblivious to how entitled you are.
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There's something about the woods that creeps me out. Listen here, people: I'm a city guy. The idea of getting lost out there freaks me out. No thank you. I wasn't made for that. The rest of you who like to go camping and stuff? You do you. I'll stick with my running water.
But maybe I've seen too many horror movies. After all, if I saw some creepy stuff in the woods I'd definitely run in the other direction. And so would you, right? Right?
People shared their best stories with us after Redditor shantics asked the online community,
"What have you seen in the woods that you can’t explain?"
"I stepped on what I thought was a small rock but it turned out to be weird and gelatinous. I've also seen tombstones in the woods."
his_eminence56
You just suprised it. Rocks are soft and squishy, they just tense up when you touch them! /s
"I was hiking through the remnants..."
"I was hiking through the remnants of a remote, long-abandoned town and the surrounding area. To get to as far into the woods as I was, you had to cross fallen trees over a creek three times. I had just crossed the third "bridge" and was about five miles in and something blue caught my eye just ahead of me."
"There was a man, in his sixties at least, wearing blue satin pajamas, sitting in a tree. The closer I got to him the louder he laughed; it wasn't a maniacal laugh, but it set off all the alarms in my head nevertheless. He also wasn't wearing any shoes and looked well-groomed/cleaned."
"I gave him a friendly nod as I passed and he just kept laughing. Then it stopped. I turned and he was gone. There was no branch cracking, plants rustling, nothing... He was just gone."
"Still rubs me the wrong way. The area I was in was a pretty rough hike, very secluded. Not very many people venture as deep as I was that day. No idea what was going on there."
mrwitch
“Over the Third Bridge” would be a great title for a spooky book or movie.
"Neat as a pin..."
"Fully decorated Xmas tree. Middle of summer. Neat as a pin it was, as if it had just been finished. Who ever did it came back at some point and cleaned it up, because it wasn't there next I did that trail a week or so later."
OldWomanintheWoods
This one’s not that uncommon actually. Lots of folks will decorate a tree in remembrance of someone out in the woods. Sucks when they don’t clean them up though.
"It's an interesting..."
"In Japan. A hotel was abandoned before it was ever finished being built. It only became a cement skeleton, about 5 stories high. It was left that way to eventually mold back into the forest around it."
It’s an interesting small building to explore. There are halls that are unlevel to the point of hitting your head on the ceiling (think: Willy Wonka)."
"There are stairwells that lead to nothing and one that leads to an unintentional hole in a cement wall. And on the top floor (but “inside” - as in, under the “roof”), is an old car - all smashed up - with seemingly no reason or method to have been up there."
[deleted]
This reminds me of those old abandoned amusement parks that pretty much exist to destroy me mentally.
"I once walked..."
"I once walked through the undergrowth (i.e. off the trail) with my then-girlfriend when we came across this spot where a few empty plastic bags were lying on the ground (strange because the woods are otherwise super clean), a pair of gloves and, most confusingly, the official ID card (= passport) of a young woman."
Minister_of_Joy
I would freak out and call the cops. That sounds like a murder scene.
"Many plastic bags..."
"Many plastic bags with nothing really in them but random odd things tied to trees. Sure, it could have been a homeless person but us kids att (like 12+) of us lived in those small woods behind the church every single day. We never saw anyone like that, ever. Passing through I guess, but why so many bags...still wonder."
WiseOwlBear
Do we want to know what was in them? Probably not.
"When I was a teenager..."
"When I was a teenager, I worked at a fireworks stand that was run by my friend's family. It was in a rural area: they owned a few acres of land, had the fireworks tent at the front of the property and the house towards the back, but no lights in between. My friend's mother would prepare dinner for all the workers and we'd take turns going back to the house for dinner."
"One night, I was going to the house for dinner by myself. I felt something on my arm. I thought a bug might have landed on me, but it was really dark so I couldn't see anything. I stopped walking for a second. Then I started hearing this low, raspy breathing right next to me."
"There weren't any people around me and it didn't sound anything like a bug. It was like a slow, asthmatic wheeze."
"I started getting really freaked out. I reached my hand down to my arm and felt... something larger than I expected. I furiously rubbed my hands all across my body to try and dislodge whatever this thing was, then ran as fast as I could to the house. When I finally got to the safety of the house, I could see a small red mark on my arm, but that was it."
"To this day, it's probably the most freaked out I've ever been."
[deleted]
Chills reading this! Nooo thank you!
"Several very large holes..."
"Really big holes. Several very large holes, fairly close to each other, that seem to serve no purpose. Ten feet wide, deep enough that if you jumped in you’d have to have help getting out. Was someone preparing to bury a bunch of people? Was someone punishing their kid by making them dig holes? Did they hear there was buried treasure out there?"
"We’ve never figured it out."
theyarnilama
How far apart? How neat were the holes? In a plantation or natural wood? Accessible by a small excavator?
"I once saw a huge pile of cat and dog skulls and bones about 100m from my cabin so we sold the cabin as soon as we could. It was creepy."
[deleted]
This definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Did the ghosts follow you? Please report back.
"There's a small patch..."
"There's a small patch of woods where I live. You could walk across it in less than an hour. It's entirely safe and has marked trails. People somehow manage to get lost in there and I can't explain that."
ThadisJones
Did they stumble across the bounds of time and space? That might explain it. But you might be underestimating how many people lack a sense of direction.
None of this makes you want to go out into the woods, huh? Yeah, we thought so. We'll pass the next time we get an offer to go camping somewhere.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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We're all not geniuses.
Everybody has varying degrees of knowledge and brain power.
And that is ok.
Though some of us are really lacking in any sense and every once and awhile people like to sugarcoat that fact when they call us out.
"Bless your heart."
That's a big one in the South. Means... "I like you, but Lord are you missing marbles."
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
They asked:
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
Cents
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126
The Cells
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
Striking_Yoghurt_690
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
Bad Wheel
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
ofsquire
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
cardew-vascular
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
Mulberry0
YOU
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
ofsquire
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
Smoopiebear
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
WantToBeBetterAtSex
Ok... some of this is some good comedy.
Or Puppet...
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391
Vanilla?
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
Pokeybumfun
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
ElegantEagle13
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
00192737292
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
accomplished_loaf
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
thefuzzybunny1
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
thxitsthedepression
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
ferox965
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
one_angry_custodian
Space
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_Blues
Not all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
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