Veterinarians Share The One Thing They Wish People Understood About Their Pets
Pets can be wonderful companions, reliable helping hands when farming and hunting, or therapeutic presences when people feel gloomy or alone.
Nothing has proved all of this more than life at home during the pandemic.
But before leaping into pet ownership, it's important to think deliberately about that undertaking.
Nobody is more aware of those subtleties than a veterinarian. And lucky for us, plenty of vets use Reddit.
Redditor mrktx21 asked:
"Veterinarians of Reddit: What is one thing you wish people would know/understand about their pet?"
Just Imagine Being Stuck Home All Day Every Day...Oh Wait
"About their pet, the best one I know is one I heard a while ago: You have your life, your job, your friends, your family to provide your social interaction per day. Your dog only has YOU."
"Interact with your dog for more than five minutes per day and maybe your dog will not go out barking every five seconds."
Consistency is Key
"Don't complain about your dog not having boundaries when you're literally feeding them scraps off your plate at dinner time! That's 100% on you." -- SquiliamFancySon95
"It's so tiring trying to get my parents to stop feeding their dog who is highly allergic to all sorts of meat food scraps off the table."
"In their minds, they're being kind and can't help pampering the dog when in reality it just causes her to chew her paw pads off when she has her allergic reactions. It blows my mind." -- takenwithapotato
You Get What You Pay For
"Vaccines you get at the drug store on the corner or the feed and tack shop ARE NOT as good or the same as the ones you get at the vet."
"Just because your dog is scratching its ears does not mean it has ear mites."
"Your cat is not urinating outside the box because its a jerk ( it might be) it probably has an infection."
"Not eating for 3 days while vomiting and having diarrhea is a huge deal! That 5lb chihuahua or even 80lb lab cant lose that many fluids without having any intake and be ok and neither would you."
-- missnorlax
Do Your Research
"RVT here. Exotic animals (reptiles, birds, small mammals such as rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs and rodents) may be easy to acquire and assumingly easier to take care of but most of these animals have very specific housing and dietary needs that need to be met and require enrichment."
"Also, not every veterinarian has experience with exotic animals, and exotic animal medicine is sometimes at a premium but is still necessary."
"I've met a lot of people who get a small mammal or a small bird for like $20 from the pet store and then won't pay for medical care because it costs way more than the pet was purchased for."
-- spookybunno
Bring the Enthusiasm
"Not a vet but my mom is."
"One thing that really frustrates her is the myth that neutering a cat will make them fat and lazy."
"It reduces the amount of calories they need which means they need less food and/or more exercise to maintain the same weight. Cats generally get less energetic as they get older regardless, but most will still perk up if you make the effort to wave a toy in their face every so often."
The Only Language Pets Have
"I am a vet. I wish people just even had a BASIC understanding of dog or cat body language. Ffs."
"The number of videos posted on reddit of animals in distress and its tagged as 'oh my little fluffster is so cute when he plays!' or whatever makes my blood boil."
"That kind of moronic ignorance is what gets children bit by the pet dog or the cat who is now dying because the owner had no idea of the signs 4 months ago."
To Keep in Mind
"If you see a stray cat with a cleanly clipped ear tip do not take it to a shelter. Either take it home to live with you or leave it on the street."
"Clipped ears mean they were caught, neutered/spayed by the city/county, and released. This is a way to control cat populations and, over time, protect wildlife. They compete for resources with fertile cats without adding to the population."
"In many cities, stray cats are more likely to be adopted from the street than in the shelter. If the cat is taken to a shelter they cannot legally release it because it is now abandoning the animal. That cat will be euthanized, or at best absorbs resources until it finds a home."
Tough, But Significant
"From my former vet tech girlfriend, don't leave your pets to be euthanized without you. It's hard to be there and it's hard to watch, but if you leave them they will die scared and looking for you."
"She had to try and comfort pets whose owner's couldn't bring themselves to stay and it's one of the few things that makes her cry."
One Vet's Take on Love and Stewardship
"If you own a pet and it's not a bird/mammal, it doesn't love you, not the way you're thinking of love. Reptiles, amphibians, and fish don't produce serotonin the way mammals and some birds do."
"They really do not care about you, they don't want to be snuggled, they don't want to be your friend, and it doesn't make a difference to them if you feed them/do their maintenance or someone else does."
"YES, they can learn to recognize you as their primary caregiver (my axolotls all know who I am and swim up to the glass if I'm there, which they don't do with anyone else), and they may come to TRUST you (which is arguably more valuable than love) but we do not know enough about them to say that they can love you."
"We just know that they can't love you the way you love them. They're biologically incapable of it, and that's not a bad thing, just different."
-- chibimonkey
Trust and Patience
"I'm a vet."
"99% of patients are ok with drop off appointments due to COVID. The number of clients claiming 'my pet has severe anxiety, I can't believe you're making him go in alone!' is quite high. Almost all pets are fine. And the ones who aren't fine, I've allowed owners in the building to help."
"There's been 2 since March who actually were in distress despite people complaining daily about it being an issue."
"Also I think people need to learn more about the medical process in general. Tests are usually required to make a diagnosis. Sometimes even with tests the diagnosis is grey. Sometimes spending all the money will not guarantee success. Many times there's not a magic shot I can give to fix it."
Cute Is Temporary
"Dont buy a dog only because you like the way it looks."
"Huskies and most sorts of shepherds are working dogs. They need lots of activities to be happy and they often turn aggressive if they do not get enough of it!"
"Cute is cute, but there's a lot more to be considered."
- Paulinemaller
Just Like You
"For all idiots out there who think you put a dog on a chain and leave it, get your head out of your a…"
"If you're hot the dog is probably hot. If you need shade, so does the dog."
"If you're not standing outside in the rain, neither should the dog."
"Your dog needs food, shelter, and love just like you do."
- oxfordveterinary
Inconvenient To Your Routine? Do It Anyway.
"If we tell you to give your pet meds, give your pet the effin meds, as directed, until told to stop."
"Some owners seem to think this is optional for their sick pets if it is inconvenient to their routine but especially chronic diseases that may be otherwise managed like seizures, renal, heart disease can really deteriorate due to a non-compliant owner."
"An ounce Prevention is really over a pound of cure, and if you end up coming in to our ER we will cost significantly more than your regular vet. It’s not because we’re greedy that extra expense goes directly to our enormous overhead costs to keep our doors open."
"We’re fully staffed and prepped with surgical and monitoring equipment to handle emergency procedures 24/7, we stock an extensive in-house pharmacy to be prepared to care for a wide variety of ill hospitalized patients, we maintain expensive lab equipment to run bedside diagnostics and have test results within mins to hours rather than send to outside labs, multiple oxygen cages, etc."
"We’re not taking advantage of your unfortunate situation, this is simply what is required to have on hand to provide the standard of care required for dealing with lots of very sick patients all the time."
"So give your pet the meds the way you're supposed to and avoid coming to see us."
- Sweet_Maybe1623
Mosquitoes Can Fly Indoors
"Just because your dog/cat is indoor does not mean that they can’t get heart worms!"
"Why do people think mosquitoes can’t get inside a house?!??! Their wings don't suddenly stop working once they fly indoors. They aren't suddenly not mosquitoes anymore and will just give up on biting."
"Get the heart worm meds. Use the heart worm meds."
- TerraJohnson94
"If you live in the south east yes heartworm prevention is required year round."
"Yes there are mosquitoes. Just because your pet doesn’t go outside doesn’t mean it won’t get fleas if you dont have it on prevention!"
- Adventure_vettech
Constraints Up Front
"If you're financially constrained, tell us your budget and goals for the visit up front. I realize it might seem rude but we're happy to work with it."
"In fact the budget part was actually part of my schooling - our clinical reasoning capstone included financial constraints on some of our cases."
"Basically for the class we got a couple cases each week and we had to pick the diagnostic tests we would run and then based on the results we had to outline a treatment plan. The first few were pretty easy with no spending cap so we could do the "gold standard" diagnostic and treatment plan, like a full blood panel and radiographs and ultrasound and endoscopy for chronic vomiting but then they would start introducing things like a $500 budget for a pet with cushings and we have to figure out the minimal diagnostic tests to give us reasonable certainty but also save enough money for treatment."
"Likewise, let them know your goals for the treatment. We would love to 100% fix every pet but sometimes that isn't possible or reasonable."
"If your 11 year old golden retriever comes in with swollen lymph nodes I would love to aspirate it, send a sample off for flow cytommetry, and refer to an oncologist for treatment but sometimes that's not in the budget or the owner doesn't want to put the dog through chemo or chemo wouldn't get them much more time or would reduce the quality of life and palliative care is a completely reasonable alternative."
- daabilge
Individuals Like Us
"That they are individuals, just like us."
"So many owners think that because their previous or other dog was/is a certain way that their new dog will be, too. Nope! they are an individual in their own right and thus have their own personalities."
"There is no cookie-cutter version of a dog where everything turns out the same. Show them some respect and treat them like an individual instead of being disappointed that they don't meet your expectations."
- youhaveafuture
I Don't Care. Also...
"To keep the damn come oh your animals head!"
"I dont care if he's uncomfortable. He's gonna me more uncomfortable when his incision gets infected."
"Also that you can't immediately change a dog/cats food. It takes them 3 months of gradual transitioning if you're going to avoid gastrointestinal issues."
- jellyfishpenis
Human-Grade
"The worst one to me is the massively successful marketing myth that dog food should follow “human-grade” standards."
"Grain free foods are implicated in serious and sometimes fatal conditions and grain allergies are very rare! The most common allergen in pet food is to the protein and is usually easily fixable by switching to a novel one (eg, salmon and rice purina diet or something)."
"There’s also really no such thing as 'fillers' in pet food. It’s all specifically formulated for optimum nutrient content and macros."
"Look for a brand that has conducted feeding trials and employs board certified veterinary nutritionists (purina, IAMS, etc) vs the boutique brands unless your pet has special dietary needs in pretty much all cases."
"and for the love of god exercise portion control for your critters! Obesity is an epidemic in pets too and it absolutely kills."
- flaaffyy
This Whole List
"1- Your personal beliefs on diet and religion and gender orientation should NOT be placed on your pet."
"If you wanna be vegan, fine, but it can kill your pet. Just because you don't want to go on birth control because of religion doesn't mean your dog/cat shares that view (and can produce a lot more offspring!), and there's no such thing as a dog/cat being nonbinary (yes we have heard that!)"
"2- SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR GODDAMN PET."
"He has NO emotional attachment to his balls. But he will get REAL sad when they torse, develop cancer, or cause him to become more aggressive and wander away looking for females."
"We see a pyometra every week (that's where your female's uterus will fill with pus leading to sepsis)- that's a $3k+ spay you could have gotten for a few hundred and this with no guarantee they will even survive."
"3- Just because you have a pet does NOT mean you should breed it."
"Breeding is a LOT of HARD, EXPENSIVE work. I have no sympathy for your financial costs with a dystocia. Even worse if you ignore the situation and the female dies in labor (no, sir, the puppies will not survive either). With access to information in this day in age you have NO excuse not to be educated before you do this."
"4- Your dog's ear infection/limp/anxiety/single instance of vomiting/any condition going on for 3 weeks is NOT an emergency."
"If you go to an emergency hospital, do not throw a fit about the costs or the wait time. Just because YOU made a poor decision does NOT mean you have to punish those who are there to help with REAL emergencies (ie seizures, hit by cars, bloat, etc.). Also, emergency vets are ALWAYS going to be more expensive- it costs more to keep skilled nurses and doctors on hand 24/7. We deserve to make a living wage, too!"
"5- HEARTWORM PREVENTION. DO IT."
"Unless you want your dog to die young and share it's intestinal parasites with you, there's no excuse."
"6- Your cat will die faster if you let it outdoors."
"It definitely wont be happier with frequent bite wounds, getting hit by a car, coming home with a difficult ailment we cant diagnose because we dont have a history, etc. Cats who roam freely outdoors have half the life expectancy of indoor cats."
"7- Yelling at veterinary personnel, insulting them, etc. is never ok. Stop it. Don't ever do it."
- Your_Moms_Strap_On
Like human beings, domestic animals are nuanced and complicated.
They have physical needs that can be costly and time consuming.
They're profoundly social, demanding plenty of attention.
And like all of us, they live somewhere along a spectrum of physical and mental health.
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People Who Cheated On Someone Break Down Why They Really Did It
Reddit user miaah214 asked: 'People who have cheated before, why did you do it?'
When it comes to the dating scene, most of us have a pretty low opinion of people who choose to cheat on their partners, not to mention serial cheaters.
But that doesn't seem to stop some people from doing the deed.
Curious, Redditor miaah214 asked:
"People who have cheated before, why did you do it?"
Revenge Cheat
"He cheated first, and I was young, petty, and thought revenge would make me feel better."
- Witch_on_a_moped
Immature and Selfish
"Unbridled ego, unsatisfying regular sex life, and a girl who threw herself at me."
"I was an idi*t, I acted like an a**hole, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"It was a hard truth to face. It was a dark time in my life where my ego and my immaturity caused me to hurt several people I loved."
"Fortunately, I learned from it, and while I can't take back the pain I caused, at least now I know that I am 100% capable of being an a**hole and so can choose not to be one."
- Seba_King
Insecurity
"Insecurity. I was always on the lookout for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. It was a serious youthful lack of judgment."
"Once I grew up emotionally, I realized what a piece of s**t I was and the hurt I caused. Hard to live with, to be honest."
- Penfold_for_PM
Just Desire
"100% pure lust. That’s it. I’m not proud of it."
- mydepressingpoems
Lots of Options
"Willing partners. It was amazing how many times when I did have a steady girlfriend that I would suddenly get propositioned by random women or worse yet, my girlfriend's friends or sisters."
"Too many times to be a fluke."
"It was like they figured if you are in a relationship, you're worth pursuing."
"But when I was single, most times I couldn't get a woman's attention."
"So it was an ego boost, but ultimately, I decided to be a better person, and I met a person who I truly thought was 'the one.'"
"And to a certain extent I did, it just didn't last through no fault of my own."
- Patient-Quarter-1684
In Need of Validation
"When you grow up being in turn neglected and told you're not good enough, validation is like a drug, and intimacy is the ultimate validation."
"Sooooo much therapy to undo this."
- RowhammerBitflip
"This. I’m just recently realizing how I didn’t receive enough attention and validation from my parents and how much it’s influenced my choices. Meeting someone and having them be into me physically is the easiest validation boost I can find."
"People who grew up with parents actually interested in them and with an instilled sense of self-confidence don’t know how good they have it."
"I don’t inherently feel important or relevant so I’m always looking for someone to tell me otherwise."
- tellitothemoon
The Thrill of It
"Because I was a f**king a**hole 20-year-old who only thought of himself and getting some action. The high of it."
"I'm 37 now. No cheating since then."
- Temporary_Fault6402
The Real Joy
"My ex was done in the bedroom and even said they were no longer interested in me physically or sexually."
"I should have left at that point, but with kids and the financial hit of divorce, I just looked to fulfill that need."
"I later divorced, and it was a big financial hit, but oh my god, what a relief it was getting out. Getting out of an abusive relationship is where the true pleasure comes from."
- loomdog1
In Need of Attention
"My partner cheated on me shortly after I had his baby. I wanted to leave, but I convinced myself to stay. The logistics of having a baby and 24-hour care are challenging on your own. He refused to have sex with me."
"At some point, someone got me in a weak spot. Somewhere between exhaustion, low self-esteem, and the sheer opportunity of having an orgasm were too strong for me. I’m deeply ashamed."
"Shortly after I picked myself up, the relationship ended. I should have left sooner."
"Someone telling you that you are beautiful, talented, and special after being invisible can feel like a drug. I don’t expect sympathy from anyone for my actions. But I do have a lot of sympathy for others now."
- throwawaythrowyellow
The Easier Option
"Because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone who I had convinced myself I was in love with and loved me."
"As it turns out, breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating."
- dodongosbongos
Devastating Choices
"Not me, but a guy friend cheated and the reason he gave was that he loved his fiancée but they had very different sex drives."
"He also said that when he brought it up to her (the difference in their sex drives and the problems it would cause) she begged him not to leave and insisted it wouldn’t be an issue."
"He told her it already WAS an issue and, as a last resort, she said she would understand if SOME DAY he felt the need to look elsewhere…just as long as she never found out."
"The girl admitted to saying all this but explained that she would have said anything for them to stay together in that moment, she didn’t think he’d actually be 'f**ked up enough to cheat' and she never imagined he would do it so soon."
- Dramiotic
The Perfect Combination
"A perfect storm of poor impulse control, untreated mental illness, and boredom."
"People on the moral high ground will tell you not to cheat for reasons like morality and integrity; from the moral low ground, I can tell you that the lifelong guilt, shame, and remorse are not worth it."
- LowCarbBeesechussy
Emotionally Done
"Because the relationship was done and I was already moving on emotionally. I just didn't care about her enough to care whether she was hurt or not. Honestly, in hindsight, I have zero idea why we were still together. It DID make the eventual breakup a lot messier."
"I was young and it taught me an important lesson. If you're done, just be done and leave. There's no point in dragging it out. If you're ready to start looking for another relationship, start by ending the relationship you're already in."
- codefyre
Ready to Make Up for It
"I had a perceived lack of affection. I felt ugly and disgusting and like I was just an emotional tampon."
"I would never do it again. In therapy, I learned a lot about the reasons I did what I did and in all honesty, if she would even entertain the idea of trying again, I’d spend every day making up for it and making sure she felt more love then can be imagined."
"I’m currently fulfilling into the man I know I can be. I just wish it took a more positive trigger in order to start that for me."
- Anthonys455
Let's end it -- the article, that is -- on a lighter note.
The Worst Kind of Cheating
"My wife wasn’t around. The house was empty."
"I couldn’t wait for her to get home, so I watched the next episode without her knowing."
"Honey, if you’re reading this… I’m so sorry."
- six6sickx
"You're a monster."
- Efficient_Ad_8367
It's so hard to imagine what's going on inside someone else's head or why they might choose to do the things that they do, especially if it's something we don't agree with.
It's at least heartening to see that many of these Redditors used these experiences as learning opportunities and have since gone on to treat the most treasured people in their lives a little differently.
Small Upgrades That Actually Made A Huge Difference In People's Homes
Making yourself feel at home takes work but not as much as you think.
Homeowners, for example, are apprehensive about renovations because of how much costs.
Even tenants renting a home can feel like they're stuck in a situation where they don't feel comfortable because of minor inconveniences they think requires major solutions to fix.
Cut to this Reddit thread, where the ideas for affordable home improvement options were shared that may make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"
Curious to hear some tips from strangers online, Redditor Super_dupa2 asked:
"What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?"
We tend to overcomplicate things when solutions can be simplified.
Taking Charge
"Methodically buying phone chargers with long enough cables to not have to ever move one again."
– ihadtowalkhere
"I am a pretty mellow dad (benign neglect parenting style for 5 kids) but I have two rules. Nobody messes with my bedside charger and nobody steals my two pillows."
"So, as such, I make many, long chargers available for everybody. It costs me a fortune:)"
– nicktam2010
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
"Blackout curtains for sleeping. Such a game changer."
– blehbleh1122
"And they keeps my bedroom cooler."
– BunjaminFrnklin
"Insulated blackout curtains make a 10f difference in my living room on hot days."
– TryUsingScience
A Cool Idea
"Attic heat exhaust fan. Our attic used to get up to 140F on the hottest days, and on those days our ceilings were hot to the touch. The whole house was consequently uncomfortable. Now the attic fan is thermostatically controlled to 90 degrees, and the whole house is cooler."
– jermleeds
"I added a passive whirly bird that does the same thing. Heat rises and escapes before it can accumulate to those extreme levels. It also happens to be clear acrylic so now there's always light up there too which helps keep away any vermin.
– cantwejustplaynice
No major bathroom renovations are required to make tenants happy.
No More Slamming
"Soft close cabinets and toilet seats."
– AreWeCowabunga
"We have a soft close toilet seat at our home and every time I'm at a hotel, I completely forget that they aren't usually soft close and the slam startles me 😂"
– PinkHamster08
Nozzle Upgrades Can Do The Trick
"A better shower. If you can't redo the whole bathroom, just replace the head. This also works if you rent, just keep the old one in a box, so you can bring the nice one to your next house."
– maartenvanheek
"I'm a renter and I finally installed a better shower head this year, after just using the default head in all my apartments for almost 20 years. 10/10, highly recommend."
– Am_I_a_Guinea_Pig
Perfect Welcoming Gesture
"My wife and I own a smallish apartment complex . One of the things we do every time a new tenant arrives is replace the toilet seat. I learned that trick from my parents who had about a dozen single-family rentals. It's amazing the goodwill you receive from a tenant simplify giving them a new toilet seat. We actually put the box behind the toilet so they know it's new."
– YouInternational2152
It's electrifying!
Think Smart
"Smart outlets for Christmas lights, both inside and outside. I have them scheduled to turn on at sunset and turn off at midnight."
– Revolutionary-Try746
"Smart outlets are one of my favorite purchases. During Halloween and Christmas, we’re using multiple outlets for inflatables, house lights, and tree lights. The smart outlets allow you to have everything synced so they all turn in at the same time."
– cppadam
Things Are Looking Bright
"Replaced dated lighting fixtures - fixtures are now properly grounded, the interior looks more updated, and there is more/better light."
– SnooCauliflowers9981
Energy Conservation Option
"Motion activated light switch for the laundry room. Never have to worry about turning off the light when leaving with an arm full of clothing."
– AmazingAsian
Creating an environment can make a huge difference.
Source Lighting For The Win
"Lighting can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel in your room. Get some shoulder height (when you are sitting) lamps for your living room. You will notice a shift in how much more relaxed you feel when you use those instead of the overheads."
– ShoesAreTheWorst
Home Art Gallery
"Spending a day mounting my artwork. It felt so much more like my home after that."
– GinGimlet
"Every time I've moved, I put that off for way too long, then finally break down and do it and the house feels so much better to be in."
– Triolion
One major upgrade was our VE hybrid tech water boiler and warmer we got from Japan.
The Zojirushi kitchen appliance uses VE, or vacuum electric, technology for very minimal electricity to maintain the water temperature at a constant 195° so we always have hot water at the touch of a button.
There's no more time wasted boiling hot water over the stove every time we want tea or the occasional instant cup noodles.
Game changer.
"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine
A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.
But there's always room for improvement, right?
And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked:
"Daughters of Reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?"
Affection
"My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that."
"It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past."
"But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on."
"We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since."
"So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking!"
"I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become."
"For a while, I didn't wanna hug my dad either. Puberty was rough for me, and the adults in my life kept acting like it was just a phase."
"And I guess it was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the most emotionally complicated and lonely period of my life. The feelings weren't less real."
"My dad and I struggled a lot. He didn't know how to express himself at all, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know either."
"I also grew up with two autistic brothers who needed a lot of care and attention. I love them so much, but it resulted in me always looking out for them and never learning (until just a few years ago) to properly give space to my own inner turmoil."
"My brothers were never physically affectionate either. But once I got out of the heaviest puberty years, I did want that affection from my dad. For a while, male physical attention was a very complicated topic for me."
"A Christian upbringing also played a role in that cause as a young girl growing into a woman, it had a lot to say about how I should behave around men."
"Something important to add is that my dad's rough childhood not only made it hard to show love but also receive it. His journey started with the realization that he had no idea how to react to getting compliments."
"I think that's a thing that a lot of men (from his generation especially, but also younger ones) will recognize. Know that we are all deserving of love and kindness, especially from our loved ones, but even more so from ourselves!"
"My dad couldn't ever have grown this much without learning to really understand what that means. And diving into the withholding of love from his parents heavily impacted how he dealt with that himself."
"I'm so glad my dad and I could both grow and work through our issues. Even if he couldn't show or say it, I never really doubted his love for me."
"But I know he would encourage you all to learn how to show and receive appreciation! That man is my example for people never being too old to learn."
"I'm sending love and strength to all of you who struggle with this in one way or another."
"And to the fathers who feel like their young kids don't want their affection, just know that this will most likely change again over time. They might act like they don't wanna hear it, but keep letting them know you're there for them."
~ yuffieisathief
Showing Up
"The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me."
"He always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either."
~ katie__kat
Communication
"Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know, and never teaching it. Not before and not even after getting angry.
"Doing something you know upsets the kid on purpose."
"Slamming doors and stuff in the house because you're angry."
"Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping."
~ yoyuayu
"I'll never forget the time my dad saw me put something metal in the microwave. I don't know how old I was, but I know I needed to push a chair to the counter to even reach the microwave."
"He SCREAMED at me for several minutes about how STUPID I was and how he couldn't believe I would do something SO INCREDIBLY DUMB and was I trying to start a fire??"
"I had no idea you weren't supposed to put metal in a microwave."
"I did learn a few things that day- don't put metal in the microwave and don't do anything wrong in front of Daddy. Oh, but you won't know if was wrong or not until too late..."
~ DrScarecrow
"Didn’t have to look very far to find the description of my dad—especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house."
"People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day."
~ ouija__bored
"My dad had such a short temper. He didn't necessarily hit me, but I got spanked til I was 9 years old and then my mom told him I was too old for that."
"But whenever he was angry (and that was a lot of the time) he'd scream and sometimes slam things."
"My husband slammed his hand onto the table a couple times during fights near the beginning, but realized he was wrong for acting like that, especially seeing how I'd immediately shut down. He's gotten much better."
~ Educational_Cat_5902
Being Your Child's Bully
"Singing in a falsetto voice and poking until your autistic kid is screaming at you to stop isn’t 'fun' or teaching them to be less sensitive, it’s why they don’t ever want to hang out with you."
~ Redqueenhypo
"Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings."
"I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loooooved to mock my crying or squeaky 'upset' voice back at me."
"It made me so f*cking hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively MOCKED when I tried to communicate."
"Now as an adult I don't bother trying to share anything with them."
"Another classic was when I was disappointed and said, 'aww, man' he'd scrunch up his face, raise his voice three octaves, and 'AwW mAn!!' back at me."
"So now I wasn't just sad and disappointed, but sad, disappointed, and humiliated!"
"Imagine choosing to be your child's first bully... 😞"
~ Not_a_werecat
Just a Girl
"Or from my experience—not even bothering to teach anything because Dad assumes his daughter wouldn't be interested because she's a girl."
"Worse—actively making sh*tty jokes about women not liking those things."
~ Cinnapuns
"Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad 'doesn't have anything in common with a girl'."
"This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life."
~ Dangerous_Contact737
Puberty Isn't a Disease
"My dad basically bailed on parenting once I hit puberty."
"Like, you think I’m enjoying this? It would have been great to have another supportive adult around."
~ captain_flasch
"Same! What’s up with that?"
"I remember having a good relationship with my dad as a child but he emotionally cut me off and stopped hanging out with me when the boobs came in."
"I would be lying if I said that I’m past it and it doesn’t f*ck with my head still."
~ Pandapartyatmidnight
Know Nothing
"Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives."
"Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions—like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is—and the dads have no idea are not at all funny.
"I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me—even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years."
~ Lazylioness17
"One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday."
"Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked in the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school."
"Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t."
~ TetonsTeaTin
"When I was in 4th grade, we did a Christmas recital where all the classes sung songs. My mom couldn’t make it because she had work so she sent my dad with the camcorder."
"He recorded the wrong kid. Very awkward watching the tape that night."
~ myturtlebitme
The original poster shared their reason for asking his question.
"Wanted to add that I'm a dad of a teen and that motivated me to ask this. The replies are just heartbreaking."
"I'm reading every single reply and I really hope all the dads and parents and basically everyone is learning something."
~ Bluemonday82
"Dad of an almost 4 year old daughter with two older brothers…. I’m scouring this post like there is cash on it somewhere."
~ Feeling_Advantage108
"I’m doing the same thing, stepdad that adores both my boy and girl. Couldn’t have kids myself. Searching for gold on this thread."
~ Numbthumbz
And the daughters appreciated it.
"This is healing my younger self—knowing that there are fathers trying to do right by their young girls.
"I'm 25 now and I think if he just would have asked me how I was doing (and meant it) it would have changed me a lot."
~ Loniceraa
"Same. My father was cartoonishly selfish, strict, controlling and mostly only saw me as a pretty, obedient mirror born to reflect his glory. What I thought, felt, liked, or wanted mattered very little and we seldom had what I would call 'real' conversations."
"Reading the posts of all the good fathers in this thread has been wonderful."
"I'm so happy there are tons of little girls out there with fathers who want to know them and see them for who they really are, who want to teach them things and bond with them."
"My father never wanted to get to know the real me, which is a shame because I'm a f*cking delight."
~ insolentpopinjay
As the OP stated, hopefully everyone has used this opportunity to learn something.
Is there anything you would add?
People Explain Which Things They'll Never Tell Their Significant Other About
Full disclosure at all times with your significant other, right?
Yeah, good luck with that.
Let's get real—there are things we don't tell our partners for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes you just don't feel like having to explain something that doesn't really affect them.
Sometimes you're protecting them from something that will have a devastating effect on them.
These are probably going to be more that second one...
Reddit user Janine_18 asked:
"What's the one thing you'll never tell your SO?"
Love/Hate Relationship
"She loves her siblings and hates her parents."
"I hate her siblings and love her parents."
"They were very tight with their parents for the first 3 years of our relationship, and in 2017-2018 all hell broke loose so to say. My partner has no personal animus towards her parents, she is however extremely close to her older sibling who has a heap of problems with their parents."
"My partner follows their lead and it guides her own relationship with their parents. And the reason her siblings have huge problems with their parents is that they retired, moved 20(!) whole minutes away from their childhood home and went on a vacation for a month.
"They are apparently 'selfish', 'inconsiderate', and 'don’t think of themselves as parents'. This despite the fact that they call and visit for every holiday, birthday, promotion, celebration of any kind. Dog and babysit. Frequently host. Communicate well."
"No the absolute truth is that my partner's siblings are black holes and not great."
"Would 'I radically dislike your one sibling and don’t trust the other at all” be a viable middle ground?'."
~ Agreed_fact
Sweet Tooth
"A few years ago, my girlfriend put a candy bowl in our hallway at our apartment for Halloween. She came home that day to discover that nobody took any candy, and she was a little bummed."
"Over the course of that week, I'd take candy out before work or when she was asleep."
"She got so happy that 'the neighbors loved the candy'. She does this every year now, and I have to continuously swipe the candy and pretend it is the neighbors."
"It makes her happy, and I get free candy. Win win."
~ AlecsWebHair
GiphyIn It For the House
"That I know she cheated on me and the only reason I haven't left her is because the mortgage interest rates are a bit high so I can't comfortably buy her half of the equity we have in the house."
"I got a valuation, a mortgage pre-approval, and a lawyer all ready to go... But would only have about $21 per week to spare... I'd be screwed the first time a major appliance or the car breaks down..."
~ H_He_Metals
Mommy Dearest
"That her mother is a bad person in disguise of a caring and beloved figure."
~ Relative_Rich8169
"My pet name for my girlfriend is Bambi."
"She thinks it's because has big brown eyes, but really it's because I want to shoot her mother with a rifle."
~ airblizzard
Giphy"That's my mother in law. For her daughter, she'll do anything... to the point that it's overbearing and controlling and difficult to deal with."
"And for everyone else, she is one of the least empathetic people I've ever met..."
"She CRIED when Rush Limbaugh died, and she literally said the Proud Boys are like the Boy Scouts. But she'll drop $2,000 on Christmas presents for one person like it's nothing, so she thinks she's owed respect and kind words."
"I literally had to tell her at one point, 'If you want me to stop calling you a Nazi, buying me more presents or arguing with me isn't going to do it, you have to stop saying Nazi-friendly sh*t'. But she didn't stop, of course."
"She thought COVID was no big deal until a family member died of it."
"She also makes tons of snide comments about my work. I'm a lawyer in Big Law, I make great money but it's soul sucking and I never wanted to do this forever, I want to work for the government."
"She'll see a postal worker and say 'That'll be you one day, government worker, not a great way to provide for my daughter'."
"Her daughter, my wife, is a DOCTOR who is going to make more than I do no matter what job I work, and she herself is a dentist who worked until her banker husband could retire at the same time as her."
"She talks sh*t about how I made her daughter an atheist (I didn't, she did that on her own), but she herself has NEVER read the Bible and hasn't been to church in 20 years."
"She unironically believes in aliens, Big Foot, and ghosts, and thinks she saw Mother Mary in the sky."
"All the bad things I tend to think about Republicans (they don't care about an issue until it personally affects them, they have no standards except double standards, they use religion as a cudgel but don't actively live a spiritual life, they believe insane sh*t with zero evidence, they're old fashioned and judgy and can't accept that the world is changing around them, etc...) is her to the letter."
~ 2Charming-Fig-2544
Magic the Retirement Fund
"How much my Magic the Gathering collection is worth."
"They'll absolutely try to get me to sell some of it."
"It's my precious."
~ Ganthamus_prime
GiphyFirst Impressions
"When he and I first met, I was CERTAIN he was gay."
"He is very much NOT gay."
"And he will NEVER know I ever thought this."
~ ShinyIrishNarwhal
No Llama Drama
"When me and my wife first started dating, I had a dumb canvas painting with a llama and rabbit on it that I found at Walmart. I showed it to her and told her how much I loved it just because it was just such a dumb random thing to find."
"For some reason she took that as I love llamas and that they are my favorite animal. So now, every time she sees one or something with a llama on it I see her brighten up to show me and I get excited with her!"
"Llamas are not my favorite animal. Never have been. I don’t know how she made this connection, but i will never tell her otherwise because seeing her face light up every time is way better."
~ WhereTheChapstickAt
GiphyRelationship by Google
"I spend a couple hours doing research on how to make relationships work and keep her happy in the long run."
"She thinks I'm this awesome perfect guy but I just do what the internet tells me."
~ BadRobot___
Chemical Warfare
"He thinks I don’t fart around him because I’m too shy or polite."
"It’s really because they are so bad they could kill a horse."
~ Neonpantsuit
GiphyAre There Raisins?
"I don't like the potato salad she makes, and she always tries to make it as a treat for me."
"It's my mom's recipe, but doesn't taste like mom's."
~ Bean_Juice_Brew
*yawn* 🥱
"The spot you make me sleep in on the bed is uncomfortable but I lay there because you're comfortable where you are."
~ legacyrisky
GiphyConfessions
"We’re both in college, and last semester we both had a cold at some point. He had it much, much worse than I did, so I went to class and he skipped."
"Afterwards, I went to his dorm to share notes and take a nap. I was almost asleep, and I’m assuming he thought I was, because I felt him squeeze me and whisper, 'I love you so f**king much'.”
"It was the sweetest thing ever and I’m never telling him I know he did that."
~ scorpiomooon
Maybe a Farm Upstate?
"I definitely didn't kill that massive spider, and I have no idea where it went."
~ Cothak88
GiphySo, these weren't too awful, right?
What secrets are you keeping?