2020 has been intense and exhausting on so many levels it's not even funny ... unless semi-apocalyptic dumpster fires are your sense of humor. People are so over this year and it's not even autumn yet.
Thing is, being intense and exhausting doesn't necessarily mean it's all bad. Some of the most intense and exhausting things in the world eventually make you stronger and teach valuable lessons.
One Reddit user asked:
Normally we save these sorts of things for a year-end wrap up, but we're a little more than halfway through and now seems like a good time to write some stuff down before we forget.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want
I feel this man. I thought that with all the extra time I had I would get so much more done. Turns out I just need to get a lot better at time management.
I always told myself I'd get more writing done without my day job. Then I lost my job from May to August... all that free time filled up fast... hardly any writing done.
Not Surprised, Just DisappointedSad Empire Strikes Back GIF by Star Wars Giphy
Came here to say how disappointed I am to find out that there are so many stupid, hateful racist morons among my countrymen. I always knew there was an element of that in society. I never knew it was so many damned people, though.
Makes we wonder how we ever got beyond living in caves and flinging poo at each other.
I'd also add entitled to that list. It seems to be across the board; not just in any one demographic. I'm more shocked at seeing this trait in people aged 30 and up.
Grown ups are acting irresponsibly w/o regard for other people's rights or safety and throwing temper tantrums when they don't get their way. Worst of all are the ones who act like selfish, obnoxious a$holes and call themselves patriots for doing so. It baffles the mind.
Subject To Change
LIFE IS ALWAYS SUBJECT TO CHANGE. Get out there and do the things you want to do because one day you may not be able to.
I remember my last day of high school, I was becoming burned out and wanted a break from school for at LEAST a week... this is not what I wanted
Trump's election in 2016 kicked my rear into gear. I figured he would make the US such an international pariah that Americans would no longer be able to travel. So in 2017 I traveled to 22 countries.
Looks like I was right; only a handful of countries want Americans now.
Not Exactly A Loner
That I'm nowhere as much of a loner as I thought I was. I may not be the most sociable person of the universe, but spending months holed up in my room with basically no IRL human contact got old fast.
People mistake introvert for no social interaction. We just don't like big crowds where everyone is yelling and you can't have a conversation and you don't know most people. What we want is a small close group of friends 1-5 other people we are very intimate and deep with.
90% of the introverts in my social circle feel this way. They still need some social contact now and then.
They just want to be able to do something low key 1-4x a month with friends, like invite them over for dinner, or play a boardgame.
That the baseline on what I can handle has leveled up.
Same. I feel like my anxiety and depression got better compared to everyone else as I realised I am way stronger than I thought I was.
I remember my grandma telling me I shouldn't be a nurse on Facebook because I don't value "life" because I don't calculate my entire electoral vote on the single platform of being against abortion. Or her and her online friends bullying me for having a different, not racist opinion. I finally had to block grandma.
I still talk to my grandma, just not on Facebook.
Everything Sucks But Its Pretty Great
This is going to come across as pretty insensitive, but life is pretty great right now. In 2020, the following things happened for my family:
- $20k raise
- Wife got a new job with a $15k raise
- Bought a new house
- Son with autism is making progress on speaking more clearly (because we're actually working on his speech therapy, unlike school and his speech therapist)
- Investments are doing great
- Weekly D&D game happens pretty reliably
I think 2020 shows us the great divide of the haves and have nots. Some people are really hurting right now. Others are totally fine or are thriving. You'll see more of one group than the other depending on your socioeconomic class.
It's important to remember that while you're doing good and that's amazing, the reason Reddit is like this is because it's awful right now for a lot of if not most people.
You got a raise, but I lost my job to covid, had to pick up an extremely taxing Amazon job in the interim, my girlfriend is under extreme danger being locked down alone with untreatable depression, and I have to go into NYC twice a week soon for school, making me extremely vulnerable and unable to interact with anybody for a semester.
Just keep that in mind, I guess. I'm far from the only one
A Hugcouple hug GIF Giphy
Hug your spouse more. Man on man woman on woman man on woman whatever hug those who are there for you. Wife's an ER nurse I'm a firefighter working through covid non sense. The forced quarantine after contact with a positive pt has ripped us apart. It's hard to cope when your coping mechanism is behind glass out of reach. Hug your peeps peeps .
2021 Won't Make It Better
That people will genuinely believe bad events will end just because the year is over.
Its overwhelming how many times I hear things like: "omg I cant wait for 2021, everything will be a fresh start" or "2020 can just leave"
Like, what do you really expect? All issues reset every January the 1st? Wtf.
So true. I fully expect January+ to be horrible. Violent protests over the US presidential election, riots, panic and stress reactions as people go back to more public living/offices, a resurgence of COVID. There is no way '21 is going to start well. I just hope it ends well.
Nah I'm Good
I'm just as much of an introvert as I thought I was.
Don't get me wrong, I like hanging out with friends and I'm a pretty social person these days when I'm in a social environment. But I don't need it. I had a lot of people going stir crazy around me for lack of in person social interaction a month or two into quarantine. I never got there.
Same with me. I don't miss seeing people, I don't miss coworkers, I don't miss friends in person. I got stir crazy from staying in place but having a change of scenery occasionally is all I need :)
For keeping in touch with peeps, chatting online is enough for me. Some of my friends and colleagues were up the wall wanting to find ways to hang out or do stuff but, seems like they've gotten better at managing it.
Same here. Being happily married helps, though. I think if I were alone, I would be craving the occasional face to face interaction, but as it is, I'm just fine only interacting with people on the phone, or on a Zoom call.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
What was the nicest thing someone ever did for you?
I was a really shy child, and was very self-conscious and unsure about myself. That was until a parent teacher conference. I had been to a few at that point in my elementary school years. Usually, the parent/teacher meetings were straight forward and focused on how bad I was at math. But one year, a teacher also took the time to mention my other strengths, calling me creative, intelligent, and kind. Her taking the time to say such a thing really boosted my self confidence for the long term.
Redditor u/minimalisticbeauty wanted to hear similar stories of kindness, and so asked people... "What was the nicest thing someone has done for you?"
A funeral her mother deserved
My mother died and I was so stressed trying to find a way to give her the funeral she deserved. My boyfriend went down to the funeral home, made the arrangements, and paid the balance. By FAR the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Life changing lessonssad piano GIF by Freddy ArenasGiphy
When I was about 13, the pastor of our family church heard me practicing Chopin on the piano.
Knowing my parents couldn't afford it, he offered to pay for my music studies (organ, piano, music theory and ear training) so that I'd be prepared to enter music conservatory after high school.
All he asked for in return was that I'd help out with the church's music program when needed (which, in itself, proved to be a wonderful learning experience).
This kind, generous man spent thousands of his own money to help me along the way to a rewarding career in music.
A bright spot in a dark week
I went to a local breakfast spot after a rough night. Totally forgot my wallet so I left my phone as collateral and went to my house.
Came back and some guy had already paid for me. I know it doesn't seem that big of a deal but it was a pretty bleak week for me so it meant a lot.
The bully wasn't all bad
One of my highschool bullies invited me to his house to hangout for a day, I was really nervous it might just be to screw with me, but I was desperate for some sort of friendship so I went over. We're now best friends and he and his family feels like family to me and I have no idea how we ever disliked each other.
A second family was there
When my parents were awful, and my sister was passing away, my friends parents took me in for a while but they did it in a way that seemed like a sleepover (for a few months). I didn't realize until I was an adult how much they stepped up for me.
This paramedic went above and beyond
A paramedic helping me after I was in a car crash took his time to come back to the car and bring me back my front tooth (that was really tiny and he offered to go and look for it in a wreck) and at the same time found and brought back my partner's phone. I don't know his name, I was in such a state of shock I can't even remember how he looked like. But he put my tooth in a special liquid and the hospital team managed to put it back, saving me a lot of money. There was also a policewoman who put a blanket on me and made sure I kept it (the hospital only managed to take it off me right before I left, it was a green standard first aid blanket, I don't know why I refused to let go of it, again, shock, but it provided a lot of comfort).
Thank you so much, guys.
Even if it was for the wrong reasons, it was the right thing
My ex-girlfriend turned me in for stealing opiates. Been clean a little over two years now. May have saved my life.
It was definitely malicious intent but it had the unintended byproduct of forcing me to get my s**t together.
Very special birthday cards
My grandmother made a ton of birthday cards in advance. After she passed away, I still received birthday cards from her for the next few years. It was a little weird, but it was definitely nice to hear words from her after she passed.
The teacher aid stepped up
Growing up I was severely neglected and abused and had no friends due to my lack of hygiene and social skills. One of my teacher aids brought me to her house to play with her daughter, brought me on family trips with them, gave me clean clothes, and just showed me an insane amount of kindness I'll never be able to repay.
Online celebrationsbirthday cake GIFGiphy
I have an online friend in another country and one time she made a cake for my birthday with my name on it because she knew no one else would do anything
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Fatherly advice is the sort of thing so valuable that there have been countless books, characters, and even YouTube channels built around it.
We didn't all grow up with a father - or one who was capable, for whatever reason, of sharing nuggets of sage wisdom.
Some of us, though, got dads who were right up there with Mr. Miyagi, Mr. Rogers (either the neighbor one or the superhero one works here) or Uncle Iroh. Reddit wanted to shine a spotlight on those dads and the wisdom they doled out:
For real... we're kind of inspired right now.
"You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life ."
In other words, take responsibility for what you do, learn how to move past your mistakes, and realize that your actions have consequences.
My uncle said something similar. Learn to be happy with yourself, if you can't, then investigate why and fix it.
I want to add something to that, if I may.
You have to take care for yourself, to the end. You're the only person that can make yourself happy. Yes, this can be with other persons; but when you're in a bad relationship, bad environment or what ever then YOU are the person that should do something about it.
Don't stay with the person(s) that don't make you feel good, loved or are bad for you.
Walk Anywaywave lol GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy
We were once watching the show Survivor, and on this particular episode the people were flown in to where they were set to be stranded. The catch was that they had to trek quite a ways to their camps, and beforehand they voted on who they thought the weakest link would be right off the bat and based on first impressions.
The lady that was voted as weakest got a ride to camp rather than having to walk. My dad scoffed and said "Screw that, I would have walked anyway to prove them all wrong."
Simple, but it has stuck with me ever since. In the context of a survival game it's a bad move; conserve your energy. But I think for me it's about more than that.
It's a reminder that it's easier to be lazy, especially when others expect it from you, than to hold up the personal standards you should carry for yourself. Don't let them carry you. If they think you're too weak to walk, walk anyway.
Default To Kindness
My dad taught me to always be kind. Kindness isn't loud, it doesn't need to be stated. It should just be inherent in everything you do.
You don't have to like everyone or treat them well if they don't treat you well, but you should try to approach everyone with the same kindness you'd wish they'd give you.
Same! Also, you can cut ties without burning bridges. It's okay to say "this person no longer needs to be in my life, but I won't hurt then while I say goodbye"
Easy Ain't It
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
I follow a modified version of this in business: If it was fun or exciting or easy, they wouldn't pay us to do it instead.
It's a lesson that some of the most boring, basic, monotonous stuff imaginable can make you the most money. On the flip side; the funnest, most interesting stuff is the stuff that the clients all want to try doing for themselves (or there's an over-saturated market of people doing it.)
The more annoying and complex the better because they'll pay us extra to deal with it for them.
If you don't know how to make things better, just listen.
Dads like fixing problems but a lot of problems my sister and I had weren't things he could do anything about (friendship problems, breakups), but he'd listen to us vent about it.
People really value having someone listen to them, my friend went through a really hard time a few years ago and ended up getting depression. Some friends just left her to it but I invited her round, let her just talk. I've never experienced depression so felt so helpless not knowing how to fix it, but just listening to her and being present was still a help to her.
To kids, Time = Love
Thiiiiissssss. Buying your kids the latest toys etc is no where near as impactful as spending time with them. I've realised over the last few years how many things my dad took me too or did with me that wouldn't have been necessarily up his alley but he genuinely found happiness in spending time with us.
We didn't have a lot of money and therefore didn't have a lot of "things" but I feel luckier because my dad spent as much time with us as he could. If I become a parent that's one of the most important values I want to live up to.
If you ever feel like you have a problem, just know you can live a full happy life without alcohol. He couldn't control it, and neither could I. He gave it up so he could have his son in his life, I gave it up because of his example.
Mine never taught me this. He died because he choked on his vomit when I was 7 years old. It took 10 years in a drunken stupor and a few rotten teeth for me to realize that something had to change.
This lesson is more important than we know.
Priorities, Purpose and Patiencemusic video GIFGiphy
To always make your loved ones a priority. Make it your purpose. My dad worked hard to give us a comfortable life and more opportunities than most. And after what I can only assume was a long and tiring day, the first thing he'd do was sit and watch cartoons with me and my brothers while asking us about our day.
And when he was forced to quit his job and decided to start up his own company, go on for half a year without income, I can only imagine how stressful it was to be so uncertain about the future while providing for a family of 6. I was slightly young but I never knew anything was wrong. He never let it show. And even though he worked probably ten hours a day, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and go to every important event with us. My dad was and is a superhero. Always will be.
The next thing I'd say I learnt from him was patience. Whenever he was upset with me or thought there was something up, he'd ask me about it and wait until I was done with my side before saying anything. Really made me feel heard and less worried to tell him something even when I knew its not what he'd like to hear.
My dad taught me to indulge my love for learning.
Want to read a history of the Aztecs at 6 years old? He took me to the library and we got a real history book and he helped explain what I had a hard time reading. Want to help in the garage? He taught me all the tools and taught me how to clean them and oil them and how to use them.
He always took me seriously and answered every question. He was my greatest teacher and my biggest defender and my rock. I lost him in 2003 and I have missed him every minute since then. How I raised my kids has a whole lot to do with how he raised me.
Make It Make Sense
My favorite quote came from the early 2000's. He died 11 years ago.
"If the way this world works ever starts to make sense to you, you need to start worrying about yourself."
The world is absolutely as screwed up as it looks. Don't let it screw you up trying to make sense of it.
My dad would say that his father taught him that things would never make sense if he didn't pay attention.
My dad told me that the opposite would be true by the time I grew up. Right he was.
Not About Success
Life is not about success, attaining things, status, etc. Those things have a place, but they shouldn't be your main focus.
Instead, concentrate on being a better version of yourself. Grow, learn, be honest with people and be honest with yourself (which is harder imo). Cultivate real relationships with people. Take care of and be grateful for the one's you love. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not try.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
What is your biggest obstacle to getting things done?
Personally, I have a ton of trouble staying disciplined and keeping habits. Fatigue from work and social obligations leaves me too tired most days to justify doing something beneficial for myself. Exercise, home improvement projects, and my writing are usually neglected, because I can't harness the willpower to get going.
Lack of motivation is a common problem... That's why Redditor u/lsfeuerborn asked those gifted with discipline, "People who are motivated to do things, how do you do that?"
10. Baby steps
"Breaking down the massive task into bite sizes helps. Wanna climb that mountain? Just take it one step at a time, focus on the next ridge, acknowledge and reward your progress with breaks/snacks, focus on the journey rather than the destination. When you've reached your summit, think/talk about the tremendous accomplishment and try not to think about the next mountain. While in the context of hiking, the principles apply to almost every task, no matter how big or small."
9. Work through the rut
"I don't wait for motivation anymore. I just do what I need to do. Half the time the 'I don't feel like doing this' feeling goes away within minutes."
8. Build a habit
"It's really about making it a habit, getting up and being motivated to do something comes easier the more you push yourself to do it"
"Start small, make it regular. Do one push-up per day. Walk once per day. Read one page of a book you've been meaning to per day. Make it so easy you can't talk yourself out of it, then do it EVERY day without fail. Even small achievements have outsized effects on your mood and confidence, and you will naturally want to do more as time goes on, it will creep into every area of your life. It becomes addictive - discipline is just like a muscle, the more you work it the stronger it gets."
7. Learning a lesson
"Prison, it's a pretty big incentive not to go back, I have a nice apartment good friends slowly building a support system no way I'm going give that up"
6. Find the routines
"Coffee. Turn everything into a precise routine and make it more efficient than the day before (e.g. combining an audiobook with commuting to work before/after rushhour and using the extra time for a workout; making dinner with the cleanup in mind). Sleep schedule with sleep hygiene. And stop talking to lazy people, they will brainwash you into watching too much TV or being on the internet too much"
5. Think about the results
Routines are the base to my hapiness, so I push myself to do stuff. For example, I wanted to start working out, so I had to reaaally push myself for the first few months, but once it became a habit and what's more important - I saw my body looking good, it's as normal as brushing my teeth"
4. Maybe it's just your brain
"Honestly, Concerta. I always had trouble beginning tasks. Once I started them I could power through but always felt overwhelmed to start. I was an adult and diagnosed with ADD and Concerta literally changed my life. I am able to work, clean, take care of kids, stay fit, all because I'm not having trouble starting. Even when I skip a day I'm able to do it all because good habits have been ingrained. Seriously, if you struggle with motivation maybe you have a brain like mine and can fix it."
3. Keep your promises
"If you continually break promises to yourself, you are literally training your brain that your words and promises don't matter. You're training yourself to fail.
If you can't keep a promise to yourself, how can you keep a promise to someone else?
It's similar to learning to love yourself before being able to love someone else."
2. Dedicate a little bit of time at a time
"Read the book 'tiny habits'. Motivation is unreliable. What you should aim for is making the task as easy to start as possible (ie put floss in visible sight and easy to reach if you want to do more flossing), find a logical place in your day to consistently do it (after you brush your teeth), and commit to doing the 30second version of it (floss one tooth). You are always welcome to do more.
Over time, it will be easier to do more"
1. Think about that future relax fest
"I am always trying to hook future me up so life can be a bit easier rather than a constant slog. If I get stuff done now then I can relax a bit more in the future and that really makes me motivated to keep pushing."
We all suffer from some level of self consciousness.
The way we present ourselves is actually very important. After all, can't you recall your first impressions of some people? It's no wonder that we sometimes get anxiety about what other people think of us. However, life is short and other people's opinions shouldn't be something that dominates your mind.
That's why Redditor FatFat05 "How do you train your mind not to worry what others may think of you?", to fight against the constant worries of what other people think.
10. You'll never see those strangers again
"I literally just remind myself that 90% of the people I run into will never see me again, so what's the point of trying to impress?"
"I found this saying helpful 'Other people have better things to do than sit around thinking about you'"
9. Too old to care
"I think as soon as you turn 30, each year afterward you just naturally give about 10% less of a f*ck what anybody else thinks."
During your life you'll train your brain in various ways like with moving/sports or creating music. By doing so you trigger your brain to keep making cells. As you get older a new system in your brain develops that kind of influences the part of your brain that manages emotions (negative in this case). The more this grows the less negative feelings you get thus giving less *****!"
8. Stop judging people
"It's possible that you thinking that everyone around you is judging you comes from you projecting your own critical judgement of others. The solution here would be to try to stop judging those around you so much and become more accepting of people in general. This will slowly alter your perception of others to the point where you stop worrying about them judging you."
7. Just YOLO
"Ask yourself how many hours of your day thinks about the guy you just bought your groceries from? Or that girl you walked passed by?
If you don't really give much thought to others than other people don't give a **** what you do. So stop being scared and YOLO"
6. Social media cleanse
"get rid of your social media" for a cleanse
"This is just a generally good tip for mental health."
5. It's okay to be single
"Idk what happened I think it's when I got dumped for like the 34th time and I was like. Dude I'm way happier alone so now I live life like a ****ing weirdo and I'm growing out a man bun and trying new things that would otherwise make me look like a fool until the person that can truly love me for who I am shows up"
4. Fight status anxiety...
"Most of that comes from social competition and continuous comparison to others. Learn to compare yourself only to yourself. Did I do my best? What can I improve? How much do I want to improve next time? By comparing yourself to yourself you automatically stop comparing yourself to others. As a result you become happier, more goal oriented, more strategic and more accomplished/productive."
3. Talk to stubborn people
"Go into the politics subreddit and tell them what you really think. Spend days arguing with people. At some point, you just realize that maybe it's fine to let them be them and you be you."
2. How can this benefit you?
"It's all part of the big picture about not caring about things that are unimportant to you, and only caring about things that bring you specific measurable benefit.
Does something benefit you? Great, put energy into that. Anything else, **** it. Not worth your time unless you get something out of it."
1. You only care about their opinion
"I find the more empathetic you get, you ironically get less worried about others. Everyone's go their own ****, the only reason you're worried about others is because of their opinion of you, therefore you're not actually thinking about them, hence they need not worry about what you think of them, because....oh I've gone cross-eyed"