"What's the best joke you know?"
Car Humor
"A lot of people tell me I’ve got an addiction to brake fluid, truth is I can stop at any time."- SweetAndSourSymphony
Wait For It...
"This reminds me of the man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery."
"He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down."
"'Do you think I could stay the night?'"
"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car'."
"As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound."
"A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before."
"The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind."
"He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound."
"The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you'."
"You're not a monk'."
"Distraught, the man is forced to leave."
"Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again."
"The monks reply, 'We can't tell you'."
"'You're not a monk'.”
"The man says, 'If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk'."
"The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand'."
"When you find these answers, you will have become a monk'."
"The man sets about his task."
"After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery."
"A monk answers."
"He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."
"'In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for'."
"By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change."
"Only God knows what you ask."
"All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
"The monks reply, 'Congratulations'."
"'You have become a monk'."
"'We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.'"
"The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, 'The sound is beyond that door'."
"The monks give him the key, and he opens the door."
"Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone."
"The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby."
"And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond."
"Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold."
"The sound has become very clear and definite. "
"The monks say, 'This is the last key to the last door'."
"The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! "
"With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open."
"Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......"
"But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk."- 2TicketsToFlavorTown
Are You Kidding Me Alyssa Edwards GIF by NETFLIXGiphyBoat Humor
"Why do SCUBA divers fall out of the boat backwards?"
"Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."- hoooligans
Super Funny
"Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says 'you know, last week, I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window'."
"The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar."
"The second guy says, 'What, are you nuts?'"
"'There's no way that could happen'."
"'No, it's true'," the first man says."
"'Let me prove it to you'."
"He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets toward the street below."
"As he nears the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar."
"He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished."
"'You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke'."
"'No, I'll prove it again,'" says the first man as he jumps again'."
"Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window."
"Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it."
"'Well, why not', the second guy says, 'It works'."
"'I'll try it'."
"He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th, 10th 9th, 8th, floors, and hits the sidewalk with a SPLAT."
"Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, 'You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk'."
Man Of Steel Ok GIFGiphyOops!
"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?"
"The taste."- vietbond
Um...
"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?"
"Because they're really good at it."
Nick Offerman Thumbs Down GIF by NBCGiphyWhat time is it after you're done reading these jokes?
It might not be time to laugh, because some of these jokes are NOT funny.
Only kidding...
Redditor xefarar565 was curious to hear the things people still can't quite get over, leading them to ask:
"What are you STILL salty about?
When The Teacher Was Wrong
"In a 5th grade science test the question was, 'are there any stars in the solar system'."
"I answered, 'yes'.
"Teacher marked it wrong."
"I went up afterwards and said, 'What about the Sun?'"
"He said, he meant that all the other stars are not in our solar system and kept it marked wrong."
"Although I am harboring this for 50 years now, he was all-around one of the best teachers I ever had and just passed away a week or so ago."
"But damn, that should have been marked 'right'."- tres_chill
"On a fourth grade math test we had to make a shape that had only four sides, one set of parallel lines, and only ONE right angle."
"There were probably more requirements but I cant remember."
"I remember almost crying at my desk and spending 20 minutes on that one question while constantly telling my teacher that it wasn't possible but according to her it was."
"And the next day we went over the answer key, and the answer had two right angles."- Gloomy_CowPlant·
"In fourth grade English class (EU) I've used the word 'gross' in a random sentence we had to write."
"The teacher argued that it isn't a real word, I said that it is, that I saw it a few times in video games and movies and she said that they aren't a reliable source."
"I said to her that I'm gonna show it in the dictionary, but she instead grabbed me by the arm and took me out of the classroom and locked the door."
"To this day I am still fuming about this."
"And then she had the nerve to be all chummy when I met her once in a supermarket."
"Gross."
"In both cases it was meant like 'disgusting' and I know there are even more meanings behind the word."
"I wonder if she knows by now."- kuroishi_x
Season 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphyFalsely Convicted
"When I was in high school someone tagged up the school."
"They announced there would be a reward for anyone who rats anyone out."
"I get called in the office and find out I’m suspended for vandalization."
"I didn’t do it and had no idea who."
"4 days later I’m allowed to come back to school because they found who actually did it."
"I just got an apology."- Imlouwhoareyou
When Nobody Believes You
"Me and some others in primary school were saying the biggest numbers we knew of."
"Everybody was saying like 100 thousand and a million and then I'm like 'a trillion'."
"And they refused to believe it was a real number."- Jhyanisawesome
When Parents Don't Believe You
"When I was in high school, I was occasionally allowed to drive my family's third car."
"It had a slow leak in one of the tires, so we were all supposed to check the pressure and put air in it if we needed to."
"I picked up a friend to go to a movie, and when we came out one tire was completely flat."
"It wasn't the one with the leak, so I put the spare on and drove home."
scolding in trouble GIF by Archie ComicsGiphy"I got absolute hell from my parents about it."
"How irresponsible I was to not check it, I'd have to pay for the repair, why didn't I call roadside assistance, etc."
"Took it to get fixed, repeat the whole lecture as we're dropping it off, and the tech who did it called my mom and told her he'd found a nail in the tire and there was no way I could have seen it coming."
"She refused to apologize and I still had to pay for it."- EradiKate
Huge Fee For A Crappy Job
"Being charged $1000 for a battery an alternator change."
"They also destroyed my starter motor in the process and rounded a bunch of my bolts."
"They left tools in the engine bay."
"I don't even have that car anymore and I'm still salty."
"F*ck you Midas!"- funkyjiveturkey
Undervalued At Work
"3 months ago I went on maternity leave."
"The woman hired to cover for me was being paid 3 dollars more than I'm currently paid."
"She was going to be kept on as a full time accounting assistant after I returned, but she couldn't keep up with my daily tasks and completely fucked up several databases that I had to correct when I returned to work the following month."
"When I asked for a raise, they offered me .50 after telling me how crucial I am to the structure of the company."
"Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job."- chumbokosh
Season 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphyIt sometimes feels like it's impossible to get a bitter taste out of our mouth.
That's when we remember how in every recipe, you'll likely need a little bitterness to offset the sweet, salty and sour.
So, rather than stew in our anger and resentment, maybe take a minute to really think about how we somehow grew from these otherwise awful situations.
Redditor Substantial-Young-85 asked:
"What will die with millennials?"
Remember when cars were driven by people?
That's going the way of the horse and buggy.
To Walls
"I once tried to explain the my niece that phones used to be wired to walls. She's ten (she was six at the time) cell phones are all she's ever known. Among the reasons she guessed as to why they were 'tied' to walls: To stop people from stealing them."
N_Who
Phone Call Dancing GIF by Crissy ConnerGiphyWithout WHAT?!
"Memory of life without internet."
RagingDinoZ
"When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet."
Aido_Playdoh
"I remember asking our son one time if he knew how much tablet time I git when I was a kid (he was complaining that he was t getting enough). He guessed 2 hours. I told him 0, because the internet, let alone tablets, weren't really a thing yet. He looks confused and mystified."
TheHrethgir
Looked it Up?
"Remembering someone’s phone number."
Misttertee_27
"Still have my 3 best friends numbers memorized, when I haven't needed to use that info for 15+ years, as well as most of my family. Intentionally memorized my boyfriend's in case there's an emergency and I don't have my phone."
Particular-Payment59
"I know my parents' home number and a few friends from high school's telephone numbers. I do not know my wife's telephone number and when I do need it I always look it up on my phone."
-Handsome-Jim-
Music Tales
"Dubbing cassettes and burning your own mix on CD."
pfc_Frank
"Ahhhh, waiting by the radio for an hour for them to play your favorite song. You push record at just the right moment. Song plays! Only for the DJ to talk over the last 30 seconds. Sigh. Memories."
zenOFiniquity8
"Or somewhere yells into the basement or your room. Followed by “I AM TRYING TO RECORD A TAPE!"
kperalta87
Control+Save
"3.5 inch floppy discs."
Traylor_Swift
"I have a sealed 5 pack box of those in my room, wonder how much they are worth nowadays."
TrueF0xtr0t
GiphyFloppy what? Even I barely remember those. LOL.
Options
"Watching 'whatever was on.' Everything is always on now, you don’t stumble into an interesting (or awful) show because it’s the only thing mildly interesting on TV."
ChefJeff7777777
television fashion GIF by DenyseGiphy"that's not right surely"
"A coworker and I were talking a while ago and we started thinking/ talking about how the general population (not the ones going to school for it or people truly interested) most younger and older people don't understand a lot about computers. If it's not app, most people aren't really sure how to get to it on a computer."
"I thought, 'that's not right surely' but when trying to get a younger coworker (different dept) to add a printer he literally asked me "wheres the app I can't find it to add the printer" and I just like stared into the middle distance for a sec before just doing it for him. It was like navigating a computer wasn't something he'd done in his life."
"And he's only like 4 years younger than me. He's glued to a cell phone too so I was like yeah ok this guy should know. Nope. This is only one example though. However, when I really stop and think about it, the window from late 80s-00s were really the testing phase for home computers and most to all websites. So navigating them, learning basic code (OG, Myspace people)."
"And just figuring out computer language (not code just the terms) for normal people... really ended when cell phones became more popular. But it feels weird to have to explain stuff to someone younger than me while simultaneously doing the same thing when they are older. It's kinda frustrating tbh but mostly just mind boggling."
TheBohoChocobo
Split
"Playing multi-player video games with split screens in one room."
EngineerMinded
"Eeehh split screens will probably be a thing forever I mean if Nintendo is still strong and going in the 2080s then we will still have Mario Party."
Kiro_sage
"We used to do LAN parties. You could hook up to 4 Xboxes to each other any play a couple of people on each one. It was great. Cords running everywhere, but 4 Xboxes running at once mad for some fun times. You'd constantly be yelling back and forth between rooms and mom would lose it."
Odd_Description1
Travel Finndings
"Knowledge of pre-digital life. An appreciation for sending and receiving letters in the mail. As Arcade Fire put it, we used to wait. Memory of the USA pre 9/11. Using maps and Thomas Guides for road trips. Guys, I’m so old I remember the first time my dad used MapQuest to print out directions for a cross country trip, and how novel it seemed at the time."
MovieGuyMike
Manuals
"Apparently using a Haynes or a Chilton’s manual to work on your car. I hate using YouTube videos for car maintenance, but it looks like that’s all I have left."
RandomGovtEmployee
confused season 2 GIF by Blunt TalkGiphyI'm feeling a bit nostalgic. Oh the memories...