People List Their Absolute Favorite Quotes From 'The Office'

People List Their Absolute Favorite Quotes From 'The Office'

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Fans of the U.S. version of "The Office" have a special place in their hearts for Scranton, Pennsylvania. The deadpan delivery and office hi-jinks we wish we could pull off was a treasure on television for nearly 10 years. Those who followed the show while it was on or have marathoned it on Netflix 17 times all have their favorite Michael Scott-ism or Dwight Schrute Salute moments, and were more than ready to share them on Reddit in response to user, r/Nicole13496, who asked: "What is your favorite "The Office" quote?

What To Do With A Toby

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"And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."


...Have Tabled?

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Well well well. How the turntables...


Kelly, Do You Have Any Questions?

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"Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?"


You Can Never Come Back From Dating Jan

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"SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAP! You have no idea...the physical toll...three vasectomies have on a person!"

This line kills me.


Michael Once Complained About A Speedbump On the Freeway

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I'm not perfect. Sometimes I volunteer too much.

Sometimes I give too much to charity.

And sometimes I hit people with my car. So sue me.


Especially With Tax Season Upon Us

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So, Creed Was Crazy, Right?

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"Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name... Creed Bratton."


How To Break Bad News

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I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is a lot of you are going to lose your jobs. The good news is I'm being promoted. So, every cloud....


Two Distinct Needs

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"Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked.

But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked.

Like my need to be praised."


Sound Home Buying Advice

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A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn't hear the other dead people.


Make Sure You Scream It Into The Phone

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You Don't Want Schrute Bucks?

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In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.


Poor Clark

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Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean, it was like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar, like you might think. It was... like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.


There's So Much...

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"Why are you... the way that you are?"


Just A Bit

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"I'm not superstitious but I'm a little stitious". - Micheal Scott


Sometimes, Michale Just Needed To Stop

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"Sort of a guys' night out. A G.N.O., if you will. A gno. Actually, it's more of a guys' afternoon in. A G.A.I. A gay. Not... Not... It's not gay. It's just a... It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys."


Put This On Your Vision Board

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"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy; both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."


Stanley Character Development

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Yes, I have a dream and its not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.

It's Been Shared Enough Times

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Robert California Needed More Time

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"I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft penis debutante. You want to start a street fight with me? Bring it on, but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name, i'm the f***ing lizard king."


Advice To Go Out On

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"Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever." - Michael Scott


The Perfect Crime

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What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.


H/T: Reddit