Troubled People Confess Secrets They Needed To Get Off Their Chest
Troubled People Confess Secrets They Needed To Get Off Their Chest[rebelmouse-image 18361650 is_animated_gif=
Reddit has a forum called "Off My Chest" which exists for "to unload that baggage that's been weighing you down for days, weeks, months, or years. This is to relieve the pit in your stomach that won't go away, not for the angry rant you could spew at anyone. When you need to make a post for yourself, not necessarily for advice, or to answer questions, but to get it off your chest, we'll be here to listen and, if you want, to talk."
While this is a hard place to be, it's important. Here is some of the stuff people have been courageous enough to say.
Tinder[rebelmouse-image 18354328 is_animated_gif=
I'm a young and homeless woman living out of my car. It's super cold right now so sleeping in my car has been difficult, not to mention I'm kind of tall and my car is small so it kills my back. I got an idea to go on tinder and just Netflix and chill with people so I have somewhere to sleep at night. I can be quite the charmer I guess. So far, so good but I already know this is going to catch up to me mentally. I don't have anybody to turn to though so this will have to suffice. Thanks tinder.
Advantage[rebelmouse-image 18349570 is_animated_gif=
We were all roommates. They didn't have enough money to pay their rent. I covered it for them, multiple times, so they ended up owing me $2000.
I said I wanted to move out because I couldn't afford to keep paying their rent. They got mad because they couldn't afford a deposit on a new apartment. I gave them $1000 for the deposit.
We are now all moved out and the old apartment's deposit check was mailed to me. Because they owe me $2000, I said I want to keep their share of the check and put it towards their debt. They insisted they need it for a deposit on a new place - apparently they spent the $1000 but couldn't tell me on what. Then they deleted me on Facebook and said they couldn't take my crap anymore.
I have done SO much for these people. In addition to the money I gave them free rides, let them use my computer, cleaned up after them, took care of them when they were wasted, and listened to so much shit about how my fiancé and I were wronging them because we weren't doormats. And in return I get this.
I am tired of being taken advantage of. I am tired of all my friendships ending like this. I'm tired of being lied to and gaslighted and treated like crap for no reason. I just want a friendship to work out for once.
Anything[rebelmouse-image 18361652 is_animated_gif=
I would do anything, really. I'd do anything to make you happy, and your life a little less miserable. You have no idea that every day I'm constantly thinking about how I could cheer you up a little, how I could take your mind off things, how to make you feel a bit better about yourself and how to make you laugh. Lately it's getting harder to get through to you, but I'm still trying. I will never stop trying. I just wish I were just there right with you, and you were just right here with me.
Old-Fashioned[rebelmouse-image 18352271 is_animated_gif=
I just want a guy to take care of and take care of me. I want to feel what it's like to really love someone and be loved in return. I don't care about my career progression or making friends they're just things I do to pass the time at this point and I'm sick of it. I'm successful im pretty I have a huge circle of friends but I have this huge hole in my life. And I'm sick of the mantra that you need to be fine on your own. Bi-atch, I am fine on my own, but career and parties and nice things is just not enough. Where is he already? And when I say boyfriend I want him to become a husband.
Anxiety About Dating[rebelmouse-image 18356261 is_animated_gif=
There is just anxiety about it everywhere. Did I text him the wrong thing? Did I ask too many questions? Does he think I'm annoying? Is he playing me? etc... I just, I don't seem to understand how it's worthwhile to date. People say what they need to in order to get what they want out of you and it's terrifying to try and figure out who is a manipulator or not.
I Want To Be In Love[rebelmouse-image 18361653 is_animated_gif=
I've been alone for so long. Ever since my ex left, there's been no one. No one is even attracted enough to me to hook up. I feel so undesirable and alone.
Human Nature[rebelmouse-image 18361654 is_animated_gif=
Humans are complex. The human brain and body is complex. Human development is complex. No one truly understands it and most likely never will. So why does society always try to simplify humans when we barely know anything about ourselves? Each human is unique and most likely a pretty cool individual. Why would we create and support a society that is built on malice? Idk just wish everyone was kinder to one another. For the most part we all have enough in common to get along and live peacefully a majority of the time. Our systems, ideals, even our governments are outdated and irrelevant to the current people who inhabit earth. Hopefully things change...or maybe its just human nature.
Grief[rebelmouse-image 18357766 is_animated_gif=
Just a heads up- there's some mildly graphic medical things ahead.
My mom had ovarian cancer. She had been fighting it on and off for a decade, but this time it was too much. The last several months had brought a slow decline in her health and we all sort of knew her time was coming, but we weren't sure when. My fiance and I had been planning a small wedding so she could see us get married. It was planned for this upcoming Sunday (21st) but it's on hold for now. Everything is too raw and we don't feel like many people are quite up to celebrating at the moment.
Last Friday night, my older sister called us in a panic and told us we needed to get to my parents' house right away. We packed a bag as quickly as we could and drove the 2 hours to my parents' house.
The next few days were spent watching my mother struggle as her body slowly broke down and filled up with fluids. Her breathing became a shallow rattle. At first, she could still see and hear us, and could even respond but by day 3, that was gone too. We all barely slept. My dad, older sister, younger brother and a few other family members kept constant watch- listening for changes, waking up in a panic in the middle of the night, and occasionally breaking down in tears one by one. At one point, at 2 am, I held a flashlight over my mother so a nurse could insert a catheter while my mom cried in pain.
We sat with her, we held her hand, we sang and played music for her. We did our best to make her feel loved and comfortable.
There was also a constant stream of friends and family members bringing us food, giving us hugs, reassuring that what ever we needed- they would help with. It all felt very surreal.
Then, on Tuesday, my mother's hospice nurse came. The signs were all there that the end was getting close. They turned her on her side to help her clear out the fluids in her throat, and I sat and watched as my mother took her last breaths. That afternoon, I cried a lot. I held my nieces and comforted them. My fiance held me while we both cried. And then, toward the end of the night, my fiance and I got in our car and drove home. And now that I'm home, I feel nothing at all. I've cried a few times, sure, but I just feel empty. Blank. Like it never really happened. No one where we live knew my mother, so the constant outpouring of love and sympathy is no longer there and everything is quiet and distant and detached. I feel like I should be sadder. I feel like I should feel more.
I'm sorry if this is confusing to read or too ramble-y. The things I spent my weekend seeing have left me in a very weird place.
Dear Theodosia[rebelmouse-image 18358316 is_animated_gif=
It's been a few months since you decided that she's what you wanted, and I just have a few things I want to say. I'll probably never hear from you again, so I'm gonna say them here.
I'm sorry for what happened, back in spring. I know you have no idea of what actually happened, and probably never will, but I wish I'd been able to tell you. To tell you that I didn't just ghost, didn't decide I wanted him more after all... Sweetheart, I had a miscarriage- you were the father, of course. I knew, logically, that we wouldn't have been able to keep it anyways, but there was some larger, more emotional part of me that was devastated, heartbroken, ashamed of hurting so badly. I couldn't even look at you. I was so f-cked up, and that's why I stopped trying. It took me months to find an anonymous counsellor, to talk it out. It was only after after I'd talked it out that I was ok talking to you again... You notice I started trying to fix things in August? That's why. It took me that long to be even a little bit ok. I guess it doesn't matter anyways, because, you started seeing her in July, but... I really wish I'd been able to tell you. The baby was only about 10 weeks when I lost her... I named her Rose.
Regardless, I just wish you'd known. I think you would have hated me for disappearing just a little less, maybe would have given me the time I needed. I wish I hadn't been too ashamed of my grief to tell you.
I guess it doesn't matter anymore anyways. You have her, and clearly you love her enough that she was worth more than everything we had... I'm happy for you, she must be amazing for her to be that important to you. Congrats.
Happy birthday, by the way, a few days in advance. It's a big one this year, and I hope this year is better for you than the last one. I really hope you find happiness.
Oh and one more thing- I'm not angry anymore. I understand that you were hurting, and didn't have context, and that I fucked up too... It doesn't make it hurt less though. I just miss my best friend. Somehow that's worse than when I thought I hated you. I don't know man, feelings are weird.
I guess that's all I have to say, so idk... Have a good life? Some part of me still believes we'll be friends again someday, but I'm not sure that hope is worth holding on to.
Your biggest f-ckup
I Miss My Cat[rebelmouse-image 18361655 is_animated_gif=
A little over a year ago I moved 800 miles away for work while my spouse and cat stayed behind.
As soon as I moved into a cat-friendly apartment, I began preparing for Franklin, my cat, to join me. I bought him a new litter box and food dishes, cat grass and a drinking fountain, a six foot cat tree and a shelf for him to sit on and look out the window, and dozen and dozens of toys. I was finally going to live with my little guy again.
I visited my husband over the recent holidays with the intent to bring Franklin back with me. However, the medication we got from his vet combined with the stress of his carrier and his bad heart meant that three days before our flight, Franklin passed away. He was only seven years old.
But I still had to come back. And I did. To an apartment without my cat, but filled with belongings I bought with him in mind.
I've never felt more isolated.
I'm trying to find the silver lining to this storm cloud and find a cat local to me who needs a home. However, between the travel, holidays and over a thousand dollars in vet bills for Franklin, I'm completely strapped. Even shelters require a few hundred to adopt.
Franklin was going to be my whole world. But now it's just empty.
Adults Finally[rebelmouse-image 18344988 is_animated_gif=
About a month before my 17th birthday I was kicked out of my abusive home and into the mental health system.
I was hospitalized for 2 months before I was dumped off about 136 miles from home and out of the lives of everyone I had ever known.
I was admitted into a place that housed around 100 kids from all over with all sorts of issues. It was a co-ed campus but strict on our interactions.
A few months after settling in as well as I could I met Diamond. (Name changed) We became fast friends. She was a few months younger than my little brothers and I kind of looked at her like she was my kid sister and bestest best friend.
We struggled, we grew as people, for the most part. We had therapy, but in the short year and a half that I lived there I still acted out. We ran away together the first night it snowed too, by the way. Not our brightest moment. By spring Diamond pulled that stunt again, by that time I had moved into another cottage off campus because of my age and in prep for real life, and she was discharged.
I understand, for the most part. They were doing their jobs, but they had no idea what they had done to me. In the cottage I met her in there were 12 girls there, scared and angry who bonded, and that was just obliterated in seconds. Without an afterthought. I never thought I'd see her again. Ever. Even looked her up on the internet, nothing.
She found me today. Standing there at a buffet. She came up to me and asked if I was (my name) and if I'd lived there and I said yes and she said I was your best friend, and I just said Diamond? And yeah. There she was.
I have so much fear because I did nothing with my life. I don't want to tell her. I'm going to, but I feel Ill about it.
But I just feel so amazed. I never thought I'd see her again. I can't wait to hear about everything.
The first time we ever saw each other I was watching Twisted Sisters video "We ain't gonna take it anymore." She sat there on that couch and she looked so scared, she was only 13. So i had to talk to her.
That's what we bonded over. An old VHS tape of a few MTV videos because it made us feel sort of normal in all that chaos.
Lock Your Doors[rebelmouse-image 18361656 is_animated_gif=
Went to the bathroom to take my daily work sh-t, and I just walked in on a coworker letting out a huge one. I pushed open the stall, screamed "OH SH-T" and slammed the door, but the door ended up staying open. I went to the other stall and heard him get up to close it. I feel bad, but not my fault for not locking the door.
So Alone[rebelmouse-image 18353395 is_animated_gif=
In the last few months, I've become terrified that I somehow pushed my friends away. Nobody is interested in spending time with me outside of school, and whenever I ask to do something they always have something else to do or just don't respond at all. It's been forever since I've done anything on a weekend besides go home and sulk around on stale steam games. They're only interested when I have something they want, like buying them lunch or free tickets to a car show or something. At lunch people always seem to be sick of me whenever I say something at all.
Am I being avoided? I don't know what I said or did to deserve this. I just can't figure it out anymore.
I can't survive the last few months of high school on panic attacks and anxiety, what do I do?
I Will Live In Disneyland[rebelmouse-image 18361657 is_animated_gif=
Worked as a cast member for Disneyland and, let me tell you, the place is filled with f-cking weirdos. Not to mention they're ridiculously overpriced and severely underpay their cast members; though most don't care because they've been brain washed into believing they're "making magic," when in reality they're just making the company a fortune.
What Do You Get When You Fall In Love?[rebelmouse-image 18361658 is_animated_gif=
I have learned. I allowed myself to be too vulnerable again, and it bit me in the ass. He left me, and he's doing fine while I'm completely distraught and wrecked.
He Ruined Me.
I cannot love again, it will be my greatest folly. Before him I had created a life that revolved around total solitude and self sufficiency. I have seen what the world has to offers in terms of relationships and I am no longer interested by its offers. I hope the next time love rears it's ugly head towards me I can laugh in its face. May I never love again unless it's myself, for I cannot take another blow to the heart. I hope I learn truly the joy in being totally alone and never yearn for another person in my life.Romantic love pointless flaw in human life that I want no part of.
You Matter So Much[rebelmouse-image 18360134 is_animated_gif=
How I wish your problems would just vanish.
You may not understand how much I care for you, as I rarely am able to show it as of late. I see how difficult life has been to you for the past few years and it hurts to see how you have changed. You used to be fun to be around, always wanting to make people laugh, a bit shy but that didn't bother you enough to not at least try. But now.. but now you don't even try the smallest of things. You stay in bed all day and when someone tries to help you get out of bed you refuse to even listen. I understand that after so many years it gets tiresome to hear the same thing over and over again, but there's only so many things we can say.
We try to understand you and in a way we do, but you keep saying we don't. Of course there are things we just possibly can not understand. We were never bullied as heavily as you were as a kid. We didn't get depressed while just starting high school. We didn't have to go through any of those shitty experiences you say. Or did we?
You are so incredibly focused on finding ways to explain why nobody understands you, that you forget in what ways Ihave changed. You don't realise that I went through a lot of the horrible things that you did too. The only difference is that I never felt like I had anybody to talk to. Nobody in our family gave me any feeling whatsoever that they wanted to talk to me about my problems. Nobody seemed to care enough about me to see what was happening to me. And there's where we differ. People do want to listen to you. People want to listen to you for too long. In my opinion, you don't even deserve it anymore. You just use people as scapegoats for all of your problems. There is actually _nothing_you can do wrong in your own mind. You can not even be the cause of the smallest problem imaginable.
I tell myself that is also where we differ, I would not blame others for my problems if only they came to talk to me about them. Let's be honest here though, I probably would not be able to resist either. So in a way I understand what you're going though, but this does not mean I will accept how your treat the people around you. How you treat people is simply wrong and should not be accepted in any way. Things need to change in your life, and I oh so dearly hope change comes sooner rather than later. You may not realise this, but your problems affect me way more than you might think.
You see, I went through depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, being bullied and feeling worthless, all at the same time.
I never had anyone to talk to and even though I may be doing better now, I still am not where I would like to be.
So in a way I am jealous. Jealous of how easily accessible help is for you. If I had that help I would've turned out fine. Or would I? I know it doesn't just happen in an instant but I at least would've tried it out.
It doesn't matter, I didn't get help and you did.
I'm still struggling with everything I've mentioned even though you may not notice.
The only reason why that is, is because I became better at hiding it. You don't realise the toll you have on this family, but I do.
And I do not want to add to that. We've endured enough and they deserve at least some moments of rest in their daily life.
So please, try to not think of just yourself and realise there are people who do want to help you.
Because before you know it, they won't anymore.
Adjustment[rebelmouse-image 18361659 is_animated_gif=
The jump from A levels to university is ridiculous. Lecturers are so different from teachers from high school. I'm working my arse off learning shit I won't need to use in the future only because society wants us to have higher education in order to get jobs. I've been busy since Christmas doing coursework that is due in 4 days before an exam that I know I didn't do well in. I ended up doing no revision in between because it was so frustrating to complete the coursework. Only thing I enjoy from living at university is being independent with people my age.
Revision is not going well for me at all. I need to go through 9 PowerPoints averaging 50 slides in each of them, all filled with information and that's only from one lecturer. I still have three other lecturers' PowerPoints to go through. I need to cram everything in a week.
I haven't spoken to anyone properly in person for weeks because I'm stuck in my room revising and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
Being a university student sucks. Why can't learning at university be the same format as high school.
Never Never Land[rebelmouse-image 18354220 is_animated_gif=
Within less than 2 years, I will be an adult. And the truth is that I'm not ready for that. I feel like I've wasted my entire childhood and just knowing that I will never get a chance to fix it or experience the good times again hurts me. I have zero job experience and I have no idea what career path I want to follow, nor do I have any goals set and things I want to achieve in my life. I feel lost and I feel like I've let myself down.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.