Tradition can be a beautiful thing--they can keep us connected to our cultures and histories.
But they can just as easily be antiquated holdovers that don't serve a real purpose.
Let's talk about that stuff. Reddit user Alicia-XTC asked:
And here's the thing... a lot of this stuff is just flat out predatory. Like a lot.
The Funeral IndustryLarenz Tate Starz GIF by Power Book II: GhostGiphy
"Stupidly expensive funeral everything. Why the f*ck is a casket like 846374846 dollars?" - -slinxthefox-
"Apparently this is a crime." - chupacabruhhh
"Because what are you going to do, not die? They have the most captive market possible" - boots-n-bows
"Costco for caskets, my friend."
"Lost my dad at the beginning of the pandemic, he passed away in a small town with one funeral home. Their prices were ridiculous, so we bought the casket from Costco and had it shipped to the funeral home. It was gorgeous and it was about a third of the price." - ADiestlTrain
What Marriage Looks LikeWedding No GIF by S4CGiphy
"Child marriage is still legal in most of the US with parent permission (more like force vs permission.) Its definitely still a thing in most of the world 🤢 even when it's illegal people get away with it" - theflooflord
"Forced marriage" - anderogenus
"There's a difference between an arranged and forced marriage. A forced marriage is when you have absolutely no say in the matter and have to go along with it."
"An arranged marriage is more like your family is playing slightly aggressive matchmaker until you find the one." - GammaRayGreg
"Arranged marriages are despicable. It's NOT two consenting adults, no matter how you phrase it."
"It's two young adults who are pressured by society and family and cultural norms into the most important decision of their life. And the societies that have those kinds of marriages have deep seeded racism and misogyny issues."
"People will say that the 'new' way to arrange marriage is fine because it's two adults dating normally after their parents introduce them. But it's not. It's two adults dating with the added pressure of not disappointing their families. As well as it being forbidden for them to date normally."
"And how often do the families select someone outside their race?" - thegoatisoldngnarly
Calm Down, It's Just GenderFamily Love GIF by Digimate.ioGiphy
"Gender reveals that involve fire works or confetti can go f*ck themselves. I don't care if a gender reveal is done through a cake or party decor because they're ultimately harmless, but gender reveals that use fireworks and confetti just suck." - Allustar1
"The woman who invented them wants the tradition to end, I've heard." - GenericEschotologist
"It's also not really a gender reveal. It's a genital reveal."
"There is no guarantee that your child will be cisgender, but even if they are cis, you won't fully know until they start developing a sense of self."
"So, basically, it's creating a hazard to announce to the world that your child has a penis." - murrimabutterfly
"It's especially sad when one of the parents is really hoping for a particular gender and doesn't bother to hide their disappointment." - whysweetpea
"It's gone from a cheesy way to announce what you're having to setting forest fires and killing people. Instead of people just having fun, it's becoming a game of one-upsmanship and people feel obligated to do one now." - permalink_save
Hazingcollege pledging GIF by The Orchard FilmsGiphy
"Hazing. It can be dangerous and serves no reasonable purpose."
"If a group is forcing you to do something very risky or something you're uncomfortable doing, you should rethink your decision to join. There are tons of other safe activities that you could make into initiation rituals, but people always choose the most dangerous ones." - RDEnergizer7000
"A family friend died during hazing."
"Got super drunk because that was the ritual. Was encouraged to go into the dark basement and stay there as long as possible."
"He tripped, hit his head, and died after two days due to the hemorrhage in his brain. He was 19." - murrimabutterfly
"Though I agree with you that hazing is stupid, there is a purpose to hazing which is to bond you closer to those you were hazed with through a shared experience." - Cheeseish
"In computer lab, we just bonded by solving each other's coding problems." - PotatoProfessor
"If someone asks you to harm yourself so you can "bond with the group", you need to leave. Immediately." - The_Louster
Back To Black
"Black Fridays" - purplealchemist
"I worked at Best Buy for a year, one Black Friday under my belt. That was enough."
"I was dating a coworkers sister at the time and was having Thanksgiving dinner with them and their family. My friend/coworker and I sat there in our blue polos and quickly ate as we had to leave at like 3pm to be there in time to prepare for black Friday, which of course started Thanksgiving evening."
"For a couple of years after that I used to go to that Best Buy on Thanksgiving evening with a big bag of candy for everyone. I don't do it anymore because I don't know anyone who works there anymore, but Black Friday is a sh*t tradition for anyone working retail, though" - BreezyGoose
"You are not getting any kind of deal, whatsoever. You are buying a cheap knock-off, packaged by the major company."
"SONY, VIZIO, Dell, etc., are not giving away free money, or taking a hit on profits." - tauntonlake
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Garter GrossnessAnimated GIFGiphy
"The whole removal of the bride's garter and tossing of it at weddings. Cringe and creepy AF." - junkyarddog
"Obviously, women were not pleased with the idea of their fancy dresses being ripped off their bodies over the course of the day, so the bouquet toss and garter toss are a way to give the guests a piece of that good luck without the destructiveness."
"I looked up a lot of wedding traditions for my own wedding, specifically to cut out the patriarchal BS, that was one I decided was okay." - Lexicological
"Wanna hear something even worse? At One of my cousins' weddings, her uncle was an auctioneer and he auctioned off the garter at the reception."
"The idea was like to raise money for the couple kind of like how the dollar dance works, but holy f*ck it was creepy as hell." - shrimpsauce91
Unnecessary Surgerybaby documentary GIF by SundanceNOW DocClubGiphy
"Infant circumcision" - MushyFry
"To those people I always ask who failed to teach them how to care for themselves. And why did you have sex with someone who cannot care for themselves in that way?"
"They never have a real answer." - GazelleEconomyOf87
"Hospitals make a lot of money off of selling the foreskins for use in cosmetics, there's basically a whole industry built around keeping that "tradition" alive despite multiple risks and it being unnecessary 99% of the time." - Kipper246
"Virginity"Clueless Movie Adult Humor GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"Losing your virginity. Virginity is not a thing." - Queen6Cat
"It's literally nothing. You now have an experience you didn't before. Unless the experience was traumatizing you are no different afterward than before. You're still exactly the same person." - Respect4All_512
"I have a friend who just turned 24 and she's never had sex before. She feels like some sort of freak because she's "still a virgin" to the point that she wants to have sex with a random person just to get it over with. It's dumb that we place so much weight on having sex for the first time." - treeplanter98
"My 29 year-old sister just asked my sixteen-year-old brother "So have you done the DEED yet?" Last week at a family function."
"This made him visibly uncomfortable but he said no."
"Seriously what even is the point of asking such questions? Why does it matter? I felt so bad for him and she was acting like the damn teenager even though she's almost thirty." - DarkDan3
"Letting balloons go at memorial services. It's so terrible for the environment/animal/everything." - Kate9616
"Pisses me off so much. What dead person would want to be remembered in a tribute that kills wildlife and pollutes the planet." - Jessflyc
"When I was a kid, we used to have "balloon day" at school - every kid would get a balloon, write their name and contact info on a tag attached to it, and we'd go outside and release them. Who had a tag returned from the furthest away won a prize."
"Half of the balloons would never make it off school grounds, getting caught in trees and whatnot." - theshoegazer
It's Bullblack and white vintage GIFGiphy
"Bull fighting. Not sure why this tradition still goes on."
"Nothing like having a bull that is tortured and tormented for days so it is weak and disoriented, thrown into a ring to be stabbed and harassed until it bleeds to death all while a crowd cheers it on."
"What is even the point? The matador isn't doing a whole lot seeing how the bull is already so weak from its treatment before and then the pikadors stab it half a dozen times before the matador does anything." - Stitchmidda2
The "War" On ChristmasCbs Christmas GIF by HULUGiphy
"People saying each year that there is an attack on Christmas while everyone says Merry Christmas, decorates, and listens to radio stations that play nothing but Christmas songs for two months." - madeyedog
Graduation Dayjennifer love hewitt graduation GIFGiphy
"Graduations for every single year of school from preschool and kindergarten to high school. IMHO this is just to get people to buy more stuff like gifts, cards, have celebrations, etc. Forced consumerism."
"I think it is ok to have a celebration without calling it a 'graduation' because by the time high school graduation happens it is not a special event. College Graduation becomes a not so special event because it has been watered down." - Rapunzel111
Ruined By CakeFood Fight Cake GIF by TLCGiphy
"Smashing the birthday person's head into the cake. Seriously makes me angry cause first of all, what a waste of cake, and second of all what if that person got hurt." - AceButNotAtLove
"Couples smashing wedding cake all over each other's faces after spending all that money on an expensive cake, dress, tux, getting makeup and hair done only to get it ruined by cake." - Rapunzel111
Diamonds Are Disastershappy snow white GIFGiphy
"Diamond engagement rings."
"Campaigns like "a diamond is forever" contributed to the notion that a diamond is the perfect representation of an indestructible love and marriage. We've been told that an engagement ring should cost a minimum of two months salary. Much like a new car, a diamond is devalued as soon as it leaves the store."
"The diamond trade is an 81 billion dollar industry, fraught with slave labor, violence and corruption. The mining of diamonds has a negative environmental impact, causing soil erosion and deforestation. Science has enabled us to create gems in a lab with a composition identical to naturally formed gems for a fraction of the price."
"The stigma remains, however, that those who would choose a cubic zirconium or other lab-created engagement ring are cheap, or even deceitful if they choose not to disclose that it wasn't mined."
"This needs to change. There are numerous options for those who still wish for a ring as a representation of their eternal love."
"In addition to lab-created diamonds and gems, there is the option to purchase a pre-owned or vintage ring. Already, there are companies capitalizing on this niche, but still overcharging for their product."
"There are many avenues creative consumers can pursue to circumvent this, ranging from consumer to consumer platforms, antique stores, and pawnshops, to local artisans. Given that the tradition of buying and wearing engagement and wedding rings will likely remain, it's time to consider ethical, environmentally friendly options to perpetuating the diamond trade." - CouldBeUrMom
I Don't Need A Blessinghoney boo boo sneezing GIFGiphy
"Blessing people who sneeze."
"After one sneeze , while working toward a second, I'm required to somehow reply "thank you" to the person or persons who blessed me."
"And after the second sneeze, reply again."
"It is just sneezing. It is allergies or my nose trying to expel something that doesn't belong (such as pepper or dust.)"
"I don't need a blessing. I sneeze. I cover my face. Let me be." - ranouttanameideas
What "traditions" are you just over?
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.