Tour Guides Break Down The Worst Thing A Tourist Has Done On Their Watch
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Being a tour guide of any kind is sort of like being a parent to toddlers. And, as any toddler parent will tell you, they try to do three things simultaneously:

  1. Not listen to your directions.
  2. Get lost.
  3. Accidentally, but really on purpose, try to get themselves killed.

Now replace "toddler" with "full-grown adults" and you see the issues tour guides face on a regular basis.


Reddit user, [usernameredacted], wanted to know how things went wrong overseas when they asked:

"Tour guides of Reddit, what's the worst thing a tourist has ever done under your supervision?"

Can we all just agree that we should leave animals alone when they're out in their natural habitat? Please?

Don't Tick Off The Bulls

"I worked at a living history farm museum."

"I had a kid that was climbing on stuff the whole tour in the farm house and trying to get behind the Smith in the blacksmith shop during a demo."

"After the tour when people are allowed to roam the grounds, I hear his mom screaming and look over to the barn and this kid has climbed the fence into the field with our long horn oxen and is trying to poke them with a stick."

" I walk over and calmly told him to get out of the field before our lazy oxen decide they've had enough, but this jack off decides to look me in the eye and smack Ted on the butt with the stick like it's a riding crop."

"Ted, bless him, just kinda jumps a little and whips his head around with a WTF dude look on his face."

"But seeing as he's a long horn, he just wipes this kid out with one of his horns when he turned his head."

"Kid goes flying into the dirt and is having a melt down."

"Mom is freaking out. I'm like dude, get the hell out of the pen before Ted actually gets mad."

"So this kid is crying and trying to climb the fence out of the field and Bill, who has been watching this whole thing waits until the kid is almost over the fence and walks up to him and nudges him in the butt with his nose and pushes him off the top of the fence."

"It was everything I could do to keep from laughing."

"Kid was fine, Ted was fine, but the kid and his mom were promptly kicked out of the museum."

"Their dad and little sister were allowed to stay because she was well behaved and was just enjoying petting the goats at the petting zoo."

"So since the kid had to leave but his sister didn't there was a temper tantrum in the parking lot that could be heard all the way to the other side of the farm."

"But the oxen got some extra grain that night, so I guess they won in the end."- PtolemyShadow

Crypto Bitcoin GIF by ProBit GlobalGiphy

Snap, Snap

"Tour guide at a university."

"Small group gets into our gardens where there's a big turtle pond."

"Girl gets excited and wants a close up of the largest snapping turtle."

"Girl loses her phone to the turtle and tries to get the university to buy her a new one."

"Girl was lucky she still has all her fingers..." - Bengmann

Yank, Yank, OW

"My cousin is a tourist guide and biologist, most of his tours are in Africa."

"He instructed his group of 20-25 people including kids not to wear any type of earrings or collars especially shiny stuff since they were about to go into a thick forest to try to see a bunch of animals."

"This is very important because 20-25 make a lot of noise which makes wild animals run away or hide, it's even worse if they're wearing shiny stuff they can spot from far away."

"Ok so this woman complains, decides to wear shiny earrings anyway, cousin tells her to get rid of them or she ain't coming with the group so she obeys but puts them on a bit later."

"Some species of monkeys in that area LOVE shiny stuff. They ripped the earrings from her ears."- shave_your_teeth_pls

Learn To Keep Your Hands To Yourself

"I was working on a tourist island in Australia when this man pulled out almost all the back feathers of a peacock because he wanted to keep one."

"He sneaked up behind it, and grabbed a huge handful and yanked them all out."

"He was immediately escorted off the island."

"The peacock had a huge bare patch and most of its beautiful feathers were gone :("- mugsandcoveve

Dance Dancing GIF by BBCGiphy

Punching Way Above Their Weight Class

"I had a guest, snorkeling try and grab the tail of a barracuda as he swam up behind it."

"Luckily I was able to hit the guest with a dive fin from the boat to stop him before he got ahold. If he had grabbed on, I’m sure he would have been ripped to pieces by that fish." - fkirwan82

You have to wonder what kind of people aren't going to listen to the tour guide. Honestly, it's not hard. Just don't do the thing they're telling you not to do.

Why Wouldn't You At Least Take A Swimming Lesson First?

"Former whitewater rafting guide."

"There's a calmer section of the river people can, if they choose to, hop out and swim through."

"They are wearing life jackets so you can just float through it."

"This woman decides she wants to try it and hops out."

"After she pops up she slowly tilts forward until just the back of her jacket is out of the water and she's completely still."

"After 5 or so seconds of this I start to realize this might not be intentional and paddle over and physically pick her head up above the water followed by her gasping for air."

"I haul her in the boat and ask what happened."

"She said she didn't know what to do as she'd 'never been submerged in water before'."

"1) why are you on a whitewater rafting trip?"

"2) why didn't your strategy involve moving your body?"- b771

Giphy

Thankful For Teachers Every Day

"I used to work at a heritage site. It was an old military installation with a lot of remaining original structures (bunk beds, cafeteria equipment, computers etc.)."

"Everyday it was a constant effort to remind people (read: kids) NOT to jump on the beds, not to slam doors open, not to punch every button like it owes them money."

"The absolute worst was a group of kids on a school trip."

"Within the first ten minutes we're walking through the tech portion of the exhibit, where we had a wall lined with Burroughs large systems machines (B5000's), all behind this little fence about waist-high."

"I turn to demonstrate some of the pieces, and when I look back at the group one of them had jumped over the barrier, opened one of the units and started pulling out handfuls of digital tape from the reels inside."

"I just about jumped on the kid when their teacher did just that."

"She jumped the barrier, smacked the kids hands and took him outside."

"I immediately ended the tour and had them all refunded, as I couldn't imagine what else could happen."- sassymatty

But, of course, they don't listen.

And bad things happen.

You Tell Them What Would Happen, And Then It Happens

"I work at a brewery tap room and take people on brewery tours."

"During fermentation CO2 is produced and excess comes out through a run off pipe and into a water bucket."

"One of the attendees, who was being a pain and trying to be funny but nobody was laughing, asked me what the pipe was for, so I gladly explained."

"He then asked what would happen if he breathed it in... in disbelief of his stupidity I told him he would pass out/damage his brain, he then proceeded to grab the pipe and take a breath."

"He was then ejected and barred. Some people are just beyond belief."- tedandrassy

But...Why?

"Friend of mine does tours of whiskey museums in Dublin."

"Someone took a sh-t in one of the exhibition rooms."- Eoinoconn

You Get What You Deserve

"I work at the National Cathedral, and a tourist took a small votive candle, and lit their friend's hat on fire."

"It didn't spread or set off any alarms, but it got through most of his hat and almost caught his hair on fire."

"He was also really overreacting, and he threw his burned hat into the organ."

"The Cathedral suffered from earthquake damage in 2011, and we borrowed one of their ladders to get it down."-not_hacking12

Fox Tv Fire GIF by Bob's BurgersGiphy

"You're trying to seduce me... aren't you?"

"Bit late to the party, but what the heck."

"I gave tours in the French Quarter in New Orleans for about a year, and I had this one drunk older woman who kept nip-slipping and trying to flirt with me as I was trying to talk."

"It was really uncomfortable and kept throwing off my focus, but thankfully she wandered off about halfway through the tour."- Throway9591

We like to live dangerously

"Ran after a bear cub trying to get a picture."

"Was astonished after I yelled at them and asked 'are they dangerous?'

'Yes they are'."

"'They're bears'."

"Two days ago I warned a few people about an agitated moose up the trail and two of them got excited and ran towards it with cameras while I tried to explain why that was an awful idea."

"Tourists f*cking crave death I swear to god."- plantoyo

Maybe I'll listen next time

"Not a tour guide, just an idiot."

"About ten years ago, my grandma took me and my sister on what we decided to affectionately call an 'Old People Bus Tour' out west for a couple of weeks."

"Our parents decided to come along as well because it seemed fun, and it totally was."

"We went all over and saw some really amazing sights, but when we got to Arches National Park, for SOME unknown reason my Monkey Brain kicked in and went 'IMMA CLIMB IT!' as soon as we got to the entrance of the first path."

"Thankfully, it wasn't enormously dangerous, but it wasn't until I spontaneously scaled the bottom half of the arch and turned around to sit proudly looking at everything that I saw everybody's faces and it clicked that maybe I should climb back down and knock it off."

"I wish I could use the excuse that I was just a dumb kid, but I was in my mid 20s at the time."- MyLaundryStinks

Fall Climbing GIF by KletterRetterGiphy

How long have you got?

"I was a tour guide in hollywood for a few years."

"I cannot even begin to choose a story."- adhominem4theweak

Putting everyone in danger

"Tour guide here, there was this one guy who tried to swim in the ocean at Peggy’s cove."

"As some of you may know the currents are incredibly strong and I had warned everyone to not even go near the ocean."

"But this one moron didn’t listen and I had to hall his a** back to shore."

"We both almost drowned."

"D*ck."- LegendaryPineappleYT

Mind the gap

"Customer."

"So the tourist was in front of the tour guide."

"He said SHUT YOUR’E F*CKING MOUTH UP to a woman."

"I think was on a vacation with her child and she only yawned before She said SIR DO NOT SAY THAT INFRONT OF MY CHILD and she smacked him and he fell of the cliff and almost died."

"I went down and I said Sir are uh you okay?"

"He said NO IM NOT F*CKING OKAY YOU FUCKING DUMBASS."- f*ckboymigeee

Why do American tourists get such a bad rap?

"Not the worst on here but still bad."

"In between years one and two of uni, I took a job in a musem showing people around talking about the stuff on show."

"The group was behaving mostly ok, but this one American family, trying to touch things that out not be touched."

"And just being loud and obnoxious."

"I think I have it all under contorl untill we enter the Gree/Roman rooms."

"We have a replica Roman Legionary armor, weapon sheild and stick which held all the equipment."

"All in all its about 45KG (about 7stone) in weight for everything."

"Now this can be tried on to show people what Roman Legionaires had to go thorough on a march. we stopped to let those that wanted to, to try it on. now it was very clear that the dad, think Gun toting Texan from the Simpsons, was far to large for the armor, but i didn't say anything as even if he and his kin have been d*cks."

"I don't want to be rude."

"Anyway after it becomes clear even the helmet wont fit he gets moody and just drops it to the floor, lucky another group member caught it in time, and wanders of to 'look' at the real weapons that had been revoved from dig sites."

" Now one of the pride and joys of this museum is a fully intact Roman short sword with battle nicks showing that it had been used in battle, now these are far and few between, so anyone thats found is hightly exsiting for the Achaeologist that uncovers it."

"Anyway I am giving my speech about how far the Legionnaires had to march in a day and the set up of camps and the like, when there is a loud SMASH from the sword case,followed by the alarm going off."

" This dumb American had tried to prize open the case to get a better 'look' at it."

"There's lots of yelling as guards rush in."

" The damn fool still tried to pick it up but when he saw the guard rushing him he dropped it back into the stand THANK THE GODS IT DIDN'T BRAKE."

"He and his family were promptly kicked out and band for life but not before he offered to buy the sword."

"'I'll give y'all $20 for the thing and maybe we can for get the glass'."

"$20 you heard read it right."

"These things if sold, they really shouldn't be, go for 10 of thousands of pounds."- Emrys91·3y ago

GIF by The Last TouristGiphy

When you Gotta go...

"Cave tour guide."

"South American man pisses on the floor during total darkness."- ZootZephyr

"Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon?"


"Not a tour guide."

"Went on a Hot Air Balloon Tour of the Temecula Valley and our tour guide told us this story he experienced."

"For those that don't know, Hot Air Balloons have ZERO safety features for the passengers."

"You can fall or jump out very easily."

"So our guide was on a tour and somebody jumped out of the balloon."

"Turns out he had a parachute on."

"Don't remember exactly what happened to him, but he did get in legal trouble, of course."-

Who's the real animal here?

"I was on a trip to Thailand and we were at this Night Safari place, it wasn't a legit safari thank goodness, and we were all on the tram type thing and we went into the hyenas cage and this guy jumps out and tries to take a selfie with it."

"Luckily they were just fed and weren't as wild as the ones in the wild."

"He ran back as a few started to get up and yip."

"Afterward he was kicked out with no refund as you would expect."

"Some people just blow my mind."- SirDankius

the lion king laughing GIFGiphy

Just follow the rules next time you're in a tour group?

It's that simple.

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