People Share Their Best 'I'm Too Old For This Sh*t' Stories
Huyen Nguyen on Unsplash

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're not a kid anymore.

You can't get up to the same weird shenanigans that you did when you were 10- our old, adult selves are no longer built like they once were.

And sometimes you're reminded of it a little too much.


Redditor antglin asked:

"What was your most "I'm too old for this sh*t" moment?"

TRUTH.

Going back to college at 25 with a ton of teenagers.

Talk about drama.

Drowning_in_Plastic

Or the semi-tangent:

Going back to college, then thinking after seeing today's crowd of freshmen, "when did this school allow middle schoolers on campus?"

dbadefense1990

Hangovers are worse when you're over 21.

Went to a party Saturday night.

I'm still hungover.

lionalhutz-

Right. What the hell? You woke up hungover in high school and it was like a sweet victory and you're were amazed by how hard you partied. Today, you're not firing on all 4 cylinders until Thursday.

wolfdoot

Giphy

Oof, too real.

I installed TikTok.

mkicon

TikTok is the youngest crowd. Instagram next.

100men

Smart move.

Working at a Amazon Fulfillment Center. Just turn 56, will be leaving them in the middle of February 2020 and I can't wait for that to happen. Just have to make it through peak.

The reason I'm waiting until February, I can do the buy out and leave with a extra $5,000.

Linuxllc

When whole adults act like high schoolers.

When my coworker (known for gossiping and stirring the pot) texted me out of the blue and said "we're not friends anymore, we're just coworkers".

I didn't even respond, just thought "nope too old for any of this". I still don't know what I did wrong and I don't care.

Born_Slippee

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Those youngin's.

The last time I stayed at a hostel. The people who go out and then come back in at like 2am and use their phones as a flashlight, plus the thin walls and even thinner mattresses mean no sleep.

I'm young enough that I still wanna save a buck on lodging, but old enough that my back and nerves can't deal.

kanyedbythebell

Ok, boomer?

When I got called a boomer on the internet

I'm 21????

killfoxtrot

Anyone can get called a boomer. Even Gen Z kids call each other boomers.

buttcrackpirate

I needed to hear this.

When I first realized I do not owe people a long, in-depth analysis/explanation about Anything.

MinxyMouse

You ever have work acquaintances that pry about your personal life. When you're young you over share, giving your rivals a way in.

Being disagreeable is a skill set not every adult attains, and limiting information and keeping choice individuals at arms length is key to not getting walked all over. To quote El-P "Fuck the world don't ask me for shit".

HotHamburgerSandwich

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Going home and sleeping is the better option.

Standing in a crowded club that smelt like a mixture of cheap vodka, b.o., and the fog from those fog machines. Girl drunkenly waves at me, "hey can you take a picture of me and my friends?"

Homegirl wasn't wearing shoes. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

ontologyisrad

Irish goodbyes are liberating.

Was at a concert in a nightclub. My pregnant wife was at home, I had work the next day, and didn't want to pay 7$ for a crappy beer. I didn't feel like drinking or like fighting the crowd to be in the front. Why was I there? I did an Irish exit and got a good sleep that night.

foggi3

As opposed to the British goodbye: you loudly tell everyone you're leaving over and over, but then keep not quite actually going out the door.

cthulhusleftnipple

Relatable.

I turned 24 two Saturdays ago. I bought a 6 pack on Friday night. Come Sunday night, 4/6 were still remaining.

I'm 24.

pobnetr2

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Never too old for Halloween!

I went trick-or-treating when I was 15 (I dressed up as Perry the Platypus). As I was walking around with my little sister (9) and her friends, I met some of my classmates passing out candy. I had never felt more shame.

doritos_ice_cream

This one has a happy ending.

Went with a friend (we'll call her "Dee") to a mutual friend's wedding (the groom) in my old town. I was also pretty good friends with the bride. You could argue that Dee went as my "plus one" because Dee had not gotten an invitation, but she and I and the groom used to hang out ALL THE TIME for the better part of a year just a few years prior.

Note: such hanging out involved such exciting activities as binge watching Family Guy and going out to get Applebee's late at night, it had stopped a good year before the bride and groom even met; that's possibly important. Also, I'd moved across the country a year earlier.

It was a good time and a nice ceremony and I got to catch up with old friends. Dee and I skipped the reception because of distance and the amount of time it was after the ceremony.

So we instead opted to go see other mutual friends together. It was a great, quick trip.

Two weeks later I'm back across the country and Dee calls me while I'm out to eat. She's sobbing like crazy and tells me that the bride from the wedding had sent her a vicious email.

Apparently the bride was beyond furious that she had showed up to the wedding because the bride, somewhere in the two previous years, had gotten the idea that Dee was spreading rumors about her and her maid of honor.

I don't know how effectively I can convey here that this was ABSOLUTLEY NOT TRUE and so baseless it confounds me to this day. The bride apparently called her all kinds of horrible names and said Dee ruined her honeymoon because she was so incensed.

I came home to an email also from the bride that was calling me a terrible friend for bringing Dee to her wedding because "you know how I feel about her and the kinds of things she's done!" (Again, let me emphasize, ALL OF THAT WAS BASELESS AND (TO ME) OUT OF NOWHERE!).

Prior to this stage in my life I'd have gotten worked up, responded to the drama, pushed back, the whole package. Instead I saw this stupid high-school-level drama for what it was, how it wasn't worth arguing for the defense of Dee or my "decision" to bring her to the wedding, and that (as unfortunate as it was) my friendship with this bride and groom was over.

I deleted the message.

I called Dee and advised she do the same, which she did. Neither of us have had contact with that woman or her husband in 12 years, now.

Fun fact: Dee ended up moving to the city I lived in after all this, under unrelated circumstances, and a year after that we started dating and are now married. That's how I can say with assurance that Dee is innocent of the accusations leveled at her: nothing in her character in all the years I've known her, and known her well, have suggested that's in her nature.

[deleted]

NO SHOTS.

I was at the tail end of my going on too long party years and I had quit shots by that point. I explained to a 21 year old who asked why I wouldn't do shots that the hangover at my age would be too brutal. They were unaware until then that as you age hangovers get worse.

[deleted]

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Awkward.

When an old coworker tried to start sh*t by spreading rumors about me. I don't deal with that bs, so I confronted her to her face and asked what her issue was and if we could talk about it. She stood there dumbfounded and then abruptly said "I have to pee" and dipped.

She hasn't spoken to me since then, even though we continued to work together for another few months before I quit to take on a better position.

Funnily enough, she's actually my aunt-in-law now (I'm dating her husbands nephew - she's 28 and I'm 20, for context on that) which was the case before all of this but I wasn't going to dump my boyfriend because of her, so I still have to see her at family functions. But she's too scared to even look me in the eye so it's not really an issue.

lemonlady7

Just remember these words to live by, folks.

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