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People Share Their Best 'I'm Too Old For This Sh*t' Stories

People Share Their Best 'I'm Too Old For This Sh*t' Stories
Huyen Nguyen on Unsplash

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're not a kid anymore.

You can't get up to the same weird shenanigans that you did when you were 10- our old, adult selves are no longer built like they once were.

And sometimes you're reminded of it a little too much.


Redditor antglin asked:

"What was your most "I'm too old for this sh*t" moment?"

TRUTH.

Going back to college at 25 with a ton of teenagers.

Talk about drama.

Drowning_in_Plastic

Or the semi-tangent:

Going back to college, then thinking after seeing today's crowd of freshmen, "when did this school allow middle schoolers on campus?"

dbadefense1990

Hangovers are worse when you're over 21.

Went to a party Saturday night.

I'm still hungover.

lionalhutz-

Right. What the hell? You woke up hungover in high school and it was like a sweet victory and you're were amazed by how hard you partied. Today, you're not firing on all 4 cylinders until Thursday.

wolfdoot

Giphy

Oof, too real.

I installed TikTok.

mkicon

TikTok is the youngest crowd. Instagram next.

100men

Smart move.

Working at a Amazon Fulfillment Center. Just turn 56, will be leaving them in the middle of February 2020 and I can't wait for that to happen. Just have to make it through peak.

The reason I'm waiting until February, I can do the buy out and leave with a extra $5,000.

Linuxllc

When whole adults act like high schoolers.

When my coworker (known for gossiping and stirring the pot) texted me out of the blue and said "we're not friends anymore, we're just coworkers".

I didn't even respond, just thought "nope too old for any of this". I still don't know what I did wrong and I don't care.

Born_Slippee

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Those youngin's.

The last time I stayed at a hostel. The people who go out and then come back in at like 2am and use their phones as a flashlight, plus the thin walls and even thinner mattresses mean no sleep.

I'm young enough that I still wanna save a buck on lodging, but old enough that my back and nerves can't deal.

kanyedbythebell

Ok, boomer?

When I got called a boomer on the internet

I'm 21????

killfoxtrot

Anyone can get called a boomer. Even Gen Z kids call each other boomers.

buttcrackpirate

I needed to hear this.

When I first realized I do not owe people a long, in-depth analysis/explanation about Anything.

MinxyMouse

You ever have work acquaintances that pry about your personal life. When you're young you over share, giving your rivals a way in.

Being disagreeable is a skill set not every adult attains, and limiting information and keeping choice individuals at arms length is key to not getting walked all over. To quote El-P "Fuck the world don't ask me for shit".

HotHamburgerSandwich

Giphy

Going home and sleeping is the better option.

Standing in a crowded club that smelt like a mixture of cheap vodka, b.o., and the fog from those fog machines. Girl drunkenly waves at me, "hey can you take a picture of me and my friends?"

Homegirl wasn't wearing shoes. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

ontologyisrad

Irish goodbyes are liberating.

Was at a concert in a nightclub. My pregnant wife was at home, I had work the next day, and didn't want to pay 7$ for a crappy beer. I didn't feel like drinking or like fighting the crowd to be in the front. Why was I there? I did an Irish exit and got a good sleep that night.

foggi3

As opposed to the British goodbye: you loudly tell everyone you're leaving over and over, but then keep not quite actually going out the door.

cthulhusleftnipple

Relatable.

I turned 24 two Saturdays ago. I bought a 6 pack on Friday night. Come Sunday night, 4/6 were still remaining.

I'm 24.

pobnetr2

Giphy

Never too old for Halloween!

I went trick-or-treating when I was 15 (I dressed up as Perry the Platypus). As I was walking around with my little sister (9) and her friends, I met some of my classmates passing out candy. I had never felt more shame.

doritos_ice_cream

This one has a happy ending.

Went with a friend (we'll call her "Dee") to a mutual friend's wedding (the groom) in my old town. I was also pretty good friends with the bride. You could argue that Dee went as my "plus one" because Dee had not gotten an invitation, but she and I and the groom used to hang out ALL THE TIME for the better part of a year just a few years prior.

Note: such hanging out involved such exciting activities as binge watching Family Guy and going out to get Applebee's late at night, it had stopped a good year before the bride and groom even met; that's possibly important. Also, I'd moved across the country a year earlier.

It was a good time and a nice ceremony and I got to catch up with old friends. Dee and I skipped the reception because of distance and the amount of time it was after the ceremony.

So we instead opted to go see other mutual friends together. It was a great, quick trip.

Two weeks later I'm back across the country and Dee calls me while I'm out to eat. She's sobbing like crazy and tells me that the bride from the wedding had sent her a vicious email.

Apparently the bride was beyond furious that she had showed up to the wedding because the bride, somewhere in the two previous years, had gotten the idea that Dee was spreading rumors about her and her maid of honor.

I don't know how effectively I can convey here that this was ABSOLUTLEY NOT TRUE and so baseless it confounds me to this day. The bride apparently called her all kinds of horrible names and said Dee ruined her honeymoon because she was so incensed.

I came home to an email also from the bride that was calling me a terrible friend for bringing Dee to her wedding because "you know how I feel about her and the kinds of things she's done!" (Again, let me emphasize, ALL OF THAT WAS BASELESS AND (TO ME) OUT OF NOWHERE!).

Prior to this stage in my life I'd have gotten worked up, responded to the drama, pushed back, the whole package. Instead I saw this stupid high-school-level drama for what it was, how it wasn't worth arguing for the defense of Dee or my "decision" to bring her to the wedding, and that (as unfortunate as it was) my friendship with this bride and groom was over.

I deleted the message.

I called Dee and advised she do the same, which she did. Neither of us have had contact with that woman or her husband in 12 years, now.

Fun fact: Dee ended up moving to the city I lived in after all this, under unrelated circumstances, and a year after that we started dating and are now married. That's how I can say with assurance that Dee is innocent of the accusations leveled at her: nothing in her character in all the years I've known her, and known her well, have suggested that's in her nature.

[deleted]

NO SHOTS.

I was at the tail end of my going on too long party years and I had quit shots by that point. I explained to a 21 year old who asked why I wouldn't do shots that the hangover at my age would be too brutal. They were unaware until then that as you age hangovers get worse.

[deleted]

Giphy

Awkward.

When an old coworker tried to start sh*t by spreading rumors about me. I don't deal with that bs, so I confronted her to her face and asked what her issue was and if we could talk about it. She stood there dumbfounded and then abruptly said "I have to pee" and dipped.

She hasn't spoken to me since then, even though we continued to work together for another few months before I quit to take on a better position.

Funnily enough, she's actually my aunt-in-law now (I'm dating her husbands nephew - she's 28 and I'm 20, for context on that) which was the case before all of this but I wasn't going to dump my boyfriend because of her, so I still have to see her at family functions. But she's too scared to even look me in the eye so it's not really an issue.

lemonlady7

Just remember these words to live by, folks.

Giphy

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People Describe The Moment They Realized Their 'Friend' Was No Friend At All

Reddit user Aesthetik_1 asked: 'What made you instantly realize This "friend" is not a real friend?'

Two guys hi-fiving each other
Tyler Nix/Unsplash

A good friend is not always the one with whom you share laughs and fun experiences.

The friendships you want to keep include those who won't abandon you in a time of need or someone who supports you in a variety of complicated situations where not even a family member can be relied upon.

Unfortunately, many of us have experienced a time when a person's true colors revealed to us that the so-called "friend" we've always trusted wasn't one at all.

Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Aesthetik_1 asked:

"What made you instantly realize This 'friend' is not a real friend?"

These Redditors didn't realized at the time that they were being used.

Recurring Favor

"When he only called me when he needed something. It didn't hit me until much later."

– Queasy-Location-9303

"I have one of those 'friends'. She always gushes about how we're friends but she never initiates contact unless she wants me to do something for her."

– StiffAssedBrit

The Errand Girl

"Several years back, I had a friend who introduced me to this new boy she was seeing. Maybe a year later, their relationship blew up in a fury of bs (whole other story), but by the time they split, I was equally friends with both of them. He and I were both photographers at the time, so the friendship was instantaneous."

"One day we started talking about her, neither positively nor in poor taste, just kind of in general."

"He then asked me 'when she texts to hang out, what does she usually want to do?'"

"I paused. I thought. Holy sh*t, she'd either be asking for a favour or for help with some kind of errand. I was her f'king errand girl."

"She texted me a month or two later, just a 'hey'. I never responded. She never texted again."

"I'm still friends with her ex, though. That dude is genuine as heck."

– ChamomileBrownies

Testing The Friendship

"When you decide to let them be the one to reach out. And you never hear from them again."

– plzdontgetmad

"Yup. Made plans with a friend three times, she cancelled each time. I finally told her to let me know when she was free, we haven’t hung out since."

"She was a good friend for the season, but not a lifetime."

– NoMrBond3

People were shocked to discover the moment they realized they didn't really know who their "friend" was anymore.

The Chaperon

"I had been giving rides to a girl I thought was my friend. To and from school in high school. She wasn’t really suppose to ride with other teens but due to her mothers work hours we could easily pull this off. I thought we were close."

"One day while on the way home my brakes went out. We were about 2 blocks from her gated neighborhood. I managed to roll in safely and parked at her house to call a tow truck."

"She flipped. Told me I couldn’t stay. She knew my brakes were not working as she had also been terrified when we couldn’t stop. She said she wanted to go to a movie that weekend with other friends and her mom would ground her if she saw me at the house. I offered to lie and say I only stopped there as my car malfunctioned on my way home. I had to pass her neighborhood on my way home anyways."

"She refused. Started to scream at me. She didn’t care what happened I had to go. Started to call the guard at the front gate to tell them I had broken in and was threatening her."

"I left her and that friendship that moment. I managed to roll my car slowly to a mechanic not too far away but never forgot the shi* feeling of knowing I could have been seriously hurt and she wouldn’t have cared. She wanted to see a movie. She had the nerve to sheepishly call and ask me a couple days later if I could give her a ride to school. Told her I was too busy and no longer had time… after all I wanted to help her obey her mom's rules. She rode the bus til she graduated."

– Duffarum

Unwilling Companion

"I had this friend in school. Each year there was a funfair in our city, all students received vouchers for a drink and something to eat. This friend complained the whole day that she had no one to accompany her to the funfair. So, stupid me offered to go with her."

"Once we arrived we met another friend of hers. And another, and another... until we were a group of 5 or 6 people. I didn't know anyone and was basically just walking behind them. This friend took me aside and said, 'My friends think you are annoying, and we would like you to leave.'"

"It was a pleasure to see that she failed her exams a year later."

– Auldale

There's the spirit of competition, but when it's taken seriously, we're no longer game for these friendships.

I Can Do It Better

"Constantly 'one ups' me. A real friend is happy for you."

– Complex-Half8338

"That one time I got a fake bag but she doesn’t know and then 2 weeks later messaged me that she also bought a luxury bag… Then when I got a bf, she also went to get a bf within 3 months which is TOTALLY fine but she constantly messages me for us to go on a double date. Anyways, sadly they didn’t last long :( I mentioned that I wanted to go to Cuba, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket to Cuba but I didn’t end up going lol"

– Hot-Coffee-8465

Never Steal The Spotlight

"When they loved the idea of me shining, but behind their shadow, I could never do or achieve anything above them, and when I did, they would get jealous."

– Jasssin23

"Yes! I recently ghosted a friend because of this kind of behavior. She was trying to compete about EVERYTHING. Like she bragged about how her mom’s car accident was more traumatic than my elderly MIL’s - which is not even an appropriate thing to compare. She would also try to 'outshine' celebrations of my milestones and was mean to several of my friends for no apparent reason. She was a loose cannon at best."

– thefifthtrilogy

All About Me

"ALL she talks about it herself and her problems. Granted she has a a lot but never asks about me or my life until she realizes she just bypassed my attempt to want to talk about something in my life bothering me and continued to talk about herself."

– PokemomOnTheGo

People can just be so rude.

"When I got really sick. Very few came to help."

– Tofflus1

"Same here. I got cancer and everyone I knew was over the top supportive for the first six months and then all but three of my friends just vanished. I saw one of them at a Halloween party while I was going through chemo and she told me that my bald head made people uncomfortable. I was dressed as Captain Picard, it was awesome and she ruined it."

– CatGoNoTail

Not Missing High School

"At lunch, she was sitting with her boyfriend, I was sitting with our friend circle. She came up to me, guilted me into sitting with her and her boyfriend, and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of lunch."

"She didn't care about me, she just didn't want me talking to the friend circle that she had abandoned for her boyfriend. When I pointed this out to her, she called me a jealous b*tch."

"Ah, high school. How I don't miss thee."

– Symnestra

These examples actually served as a good reminder for me to take a moment and assess my friendships.

Not so much about how I've been treated but more about checking myself to see if I'm respecting the people I call my friends.

We've all been guilty of casually mentioning future plans to get together. I embarrassingly wait for people to initiate something, which is terrible.

Show up for your friends. Make them feel important like the individuals they are.

There are few moments in life more momentous than buying your first home.

Of course, as is the case with any big decision, after going through with it, your mind begins to spiral down into a series of doubts.

Most of the time, once you've moved in and lived there for a while, all these doubts begin to slowly disappear.

In some cases, though, those doubts quickly turn into regrets.

Particularly when you notice more and more elements of what you thought was your "dream" home that is more reminiscent of a nightmare.

Redditor californiabred was curious to hear the biggest regrets from people who recently purchased a home, leading them to ask:

"Homeowners who bought recently, what’s your biggest regret?"

Not The What, But The When

"Not buying 4 years ago."- 3rdPartyArbitor

Location, Location, Location!

"The situation when you bought a house where it was possible and a month later they sell a house in the area where you wanted"- BenefitOk3952

"Not knowing enough about the area/town."

"I hate where we live."

"Hoping we can move by the time my oldest starts kindergarten."- MP1087

jason patric fox GIF by Wayward PinesGiphy

Upon Closer Inspection...

"The inspector told us the main drain in the basement was clogged."

"We thought it was clogged with something normal."

"It was, in fact, 'clogged' with cement from when our basement floor was redone."

"So now our basement regularly gets standing water on one side."- doctorpotterhead

"Hiring the wrong home inspector they missed so much, I really have to wonder if all those reviews were bought and paid for."- CaptainQuoth

Landscaping Decisions

"Not planting the fruit trees sooner."

"It’s a long wait."- SageLeaf1

Plant Hope GIF by The Seed of Life FoundationGiphy

How Long Have You Got...

"Be shameless enough to perform your own base level of inspection of a house so you don’t have to rely on what an inspector finds or get in a situation where you have to make an offer regardless of what the inspection finds."

"Turn all the faucets on and run the dishwasher."

"Start the washer machine for a second."

"Figure out if there is any water pressure issue."

"Bring a multi line laser and a tape measure."

"Check for any significant changes in slope on the foundation for some settling issues."

"Pay attention to the downspouts."

"Do they terminate right at the house or do they have longer pipes that lead the water away?"

"Pay attention to the flooring and create a rough estimate of what it will cost to immediately replace the flooring."

"Way easier to do when you don’t have a house full of furniture and can do it right before you move in."

"On the financial side you need to talk with multiple lenders at all times and make sure they continue to give you the most up to date closing costs."

"There were a lot of sneaky numbers that made there way in that I was unaware of as a first time home buyer."

"Until that mortgage lender gives you the locked in rate don’t trust them as to what number they are currently telling you."

"Discover your maximum mortgage rate + escrow and work backwards as to the maximum house you can afford."

"Don’t buy based on the pipe dream of refinancing."- from_the_Luft

GIF by BlindspotGiphy

Procrastination...

"Not recent, but I still regret not refinishing the floors before I moved in."

"I'll never do it now."- WinterFilmAwards

"I regret not having the inside painted and the carpet replaced before we moved in."

"Been here two years and it never felt like 'my home' until I got rid of the stains of those who came before."- DaisyRage7

Consider A Test Drive...

"Not particularly recent, but we did not pull out cars in the driveway or attempt to park them."

"So we didn't realize that my car could only enter the driveway from one direction, so I had to turn around half a block up every time I needed to park."

"And we just BARELY got two cars in the driveway."

"So my regret is that I took for granted that the driveway met our needs."- gtizzz

homer simpson episode 24 GIFGiphy

Always Read The Fine Print

"I bought a few years ago."

"So many things have gone sideways."

"One thing I regret is not being educated about permits."

"Contractors/handymen/ anyone who works on your house really, never mentions a permit may be needed."

"Learned that it’s up to me and me alone to do the research and phone calls."

"Currently have a job on hold because they needed a permit."

"The company blamed me and now I’m not sure they’re even going to do the work."

"Watch the movie 'The Money Pit'."

"It’s not that far off."

"Some days I wish I’d just be a renter."- MissPeppingtosh

Simply Not Worth The Effort

"Don't bother childproofing your home."

"They still get in."- Blueblackzinc

season 9 friends GIFGiphy

It's easy to question whether or not buying a home was the right decision.

But rather than live a life full of regret, why not make the most out of what you have, and turn your not-quite-dream home into a temporary dream home?

Who knows, it might even increase the resale value.


A dilapidated shack is ablaze at night
Photo by Stephen Radford

In an instant, anything can change in life.

Deciding to turn left instead of right at a traffic light can save your life -- and you may never know it.

That's why the movie "Sliding Doors" is so great.

Small choices and seemingly minor chances can shift things massively.

Redditor Lexie_Mark wanted to hear about how life can change drastically by the smallest influences, so they asked:

"What's a seemingly minor decision you made that ended up having a massive impact on your life?"

I had dinner with a guy once.

I told him a joke and let him read 5 pages of my writing.

Now I write for this website. BOOM!

Right Turn

Never Mind Baby GIFGiphy

"Turned up to a military recruiting day on the wrong weekend as a youngster. Walked into a BBQ for traumatized veterans accidentally. That changed my mind."

flecknoe

Moving on...

"I had moved countries and decided to go back home after initial plans didn't work out. Had a ticket booked, was in a hotel near the airport, and got an invite to stay with online friends for a week or so before going back. Deferred my ticket, took them up on the offer."

"Met the love of my life there- moved to his city, have a new job, new friends, new life completely."

Severn6

Hey Teach

"While I was experiencing a period of career ennui, I treated myself to taking some college classes in biology, which I had always been interested in."

"While walking in the neighborhood close to the university one day, I saw one of the professors walking down the street, contentedly eating some ice cream. I don't know what possessed me, but I actually stopped him, said hello, that I was in one of his classes, and how much I liked the course."

"I have come across many professors in such casual circumstances before and since and never had the inclination or the guts to talk to them, particularly when they are clearly just having an enjoyable moment and likely don't want to be annoyed by a random student they don't even know."

"But I talked to him, and we had such a nice chat that he invited me to come to his lab and potentially do some work there. I came by a few days later, and he asked me a few questions and then asked one of his postdocs if he'd like to have me give him some help on a project. The postdoc said yes, and within 2.5 years I had my MS in biology (advised by Dr. Professor and helped greatly by that postdoc), and I was on my way to getting my PhD.

"Now I'm the prof."

zazzlekdazzle

On the Vespa

"4 months ago I was riding my Vespa to the gym on a Saturday morning, and I was T-boned by a car pulling out of a side street. She was looking the other way to make sure the traffic was clear and didn’t see me."

"I was coming from her right (in Australia, left-hand drive) and the front left of her car hit the back of my Vespa. If I had been half a second faster, I wouldn’t have been hit."

"I ended up with a crushed lower left leg and foot, permanent nerve damage, and 2 weeks in hospital. Fast forward to now, and I still can’t walk or move my leg and foot, I’m in unimaginable pain, and I (just today) lost my job."

"The recovery timeline is looking like 18-24 months and there’s no guarantee I’ll walk again."

"I was just trying to be healthy and go to the gym on a Saturday, and now my life has totally turned upside down. lol. Sigh."

ShoeAccomplished119

Swipe Right

tinder GIFGiphy

"Matched with a guy on Tinder and complained about my current job. Encouraged (and walked me through) the recruitment process for a government job and 5 years later I’ve had 4 promotions, earned almost twice my old salary, and have much higher job satisfaction."

​misssofifi

Maybe Tinder isn't so bad after all.

Key Strokes

Jim Carrey Reaction GIFGiphy

"Taking a typing class in 1974. Almost no guys took typing at my school. Made life with computers a lot easier."

A20Havoc

"Same here, it was the main reason I got a job in IT, I was able to have a lifelong career."

MyIpodStillWorks

Run

"Started running because I heard it helps with chronic tinnitus, now run 5 days a week, lost 20 kg, stopped drinking, and can sleep. It doesn't cure the tinnitus, there is no cure and probably never will be, but it made it more manageable, lowered the volume in my head, and let me sleep easier. I still have it and struggle with it sometimes, but running/exercise for me is the best way to mitigate the stress chronic tinnitus causes."

rickdangerous85

Brisbane

"Buying tickets to Guns 'N Roses. I'm from Northern Australia and went to the Brisbane show. Ended up going with an old friend who was looking for an extra roommate, moved to Brisbane, did an audio course cause I needed something to do, and ended up working in the music industry full-time. Just got off tour with Suicidal Tendencies as their backline tech and have had an incredible career so far."

Acquiesce95

No Regrets

"My current job was a throwaway application I submitted purely for interview practice. It was one of two listings I saw at once, one was quite detailed and looked really good, and the other one was a handful of vague bullet points that seemed interesting enough. The one I was hoping for never replied, the other one offered me more than the maximum salary on the ad. No regrets."

PM_me_ur_navel_girl

Forever

Smooch Love GIF by molehillGiphy

"I decided to have my first ever one-night stand."

"We've been together for 12 years!"

CrabbiestAsp

"So you still haven't had a one-night stand!"

NickyDeeM

Ah, the curse of the one-night stand gone wrong.

Love is all around.

lab test with pipette and test tubes
Louis Reed on Unsplash

At the end of the last century DNA laboratory companies began to offer direct-to-consumer home DNA test kits.

According to The Center for Genetics and Society, as of November 2023 more than 26 million people have taken an at-home ancestry DNA test.

These tests have helped people find and reunite with long lost family members. However not all revelations were well met.

Unknown ancestry was discovered.

Infidelity and secrets and lies were also exposed by these tests which led to strife in some families.

Keep reading...Show less