Thoroughly Heartwarming Stories of Dates That Turned Out So Much Better Than Expected.
You wash behind your ears for the first time in forever, pickup flowers because you think it's still romantic, and check your teeth one last time for spinach. Phew. You're all good. This date is going to be a huge success as long as the other person isn't wild... Let's hope!
People on Reddit were asked: "Have any of you had dates that turned out better than expected?" These are some of the best answers.
Prior to the date I had no idea she was deaf, I don't know why she didn't mention it. We met online and after talking decided to meet up for dinner. We met at a neutral location and greeted each other, and she agreed to follow me to the restaurant.
Well at this point I am in my truck driving there, sweating and nervous as hell because I have never met a deaf person. Out loud I said, "OMG this is going to be a long day!" I wasn't expecting it to go well.
Well immediately upon sitting down our conversation went very well. I have never had someone pay so much attention to me and listen to what I was saying. She maintained eye contact, had lots of questions and was very open about her disability. I learned a lot about the whole thing.
I learned a lot about myself and about life in general. First impressions are not everything, despite what the old saying goes. People are very interesting and everyone has their own story.
Will we fall in love and get married and live happily ever after? Well maybe not, but I sure made a new friend at the very least. I also learned a lot about human beings and what it means to take the time to get to know someone.
I met my wife when I was just out of college, so I never had much game when it came to the ladies. In fact, I only had one rule: Never take a woman bowling on a date. There's no best-case scenario: Either you're likely to bowl terribly, in which case you look like a dumb-dumb, or you bowl really well, in which case you look like you took her on a date to show off how good at bowling you are, which is so much worse.
That's what happened to me on a second date. I bowled the game of my life (175, which to actual bowlers isn't a big deal, but to bad-side-of-average bowlers is good) and then, as we were picking up our coats to go, my keychain fell out of my pocket — my ironic keychain that I'd bought in a New Haven truck stop that said 'World's Greatest Bowler.' Right then, something clicked, and she made up her mind that there wouldn't be a third date, but luckily at some point she changed her mind and now we're married. But apparently it was real touch-and-go for a minute there.
When I was in high school I invited a guy I had been friends with for a few months to see a movie with me. I've always had really terrible luck with guys (ie: I end up becoming "one of the guys") and at the time I was honestly a little more interested in dating girls. Anyway, we ended up walking to the movie theatre in mid-February weather, just talking. He was incredibly attentive, had a similar sense of humour, and the way he spun words together made me fall in love with the way he spoke before we even got to the theatre. When we got there I almost didn't want to see the movie; I wanted to keep talking to him. We sat far away from other occupied seats in an almost-empty theatre and he spent the whole movie leaning in close to me and whispering stupid little jokes.
We've now been together for a little over a year and a half now. We got through his first (and pretty disastrous) year of university, and now I'm starting in the same school and we're looking at moving in together in May. Pretty sweet.
I went on a date with a guy after a few emails and a lunch date. He showed up and had 18 roses waiting for me on the passenger seat of his car. The date went really well, and it was a nice change of pace because at home, my mom had not been speaking to me for the last week because I was going to move out. Ridiculous me as a 21-year-old with a college degree and a full time job thought it was time to get out into the world...
Anyway, when I get home, my parents are waiting up for me (3 am. I called at midnight to reassure them that I'm safe and will be home later). They then say I can't be trusted with the car they gave me, so I am grounded from using the car. I say ok and go to bed. Wake up the next morning, walk out the door and start heading to a car dealership.
I gave the date from last night a call in case he wasn't busy and might be interested giving me a ride to go get a car. He picked me up, we went shopping.
That was 5 years ago. The car's almost paid off, I've spent almost every night at his side since, and in July we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.
I had broken up with a guy a few months prior who had turned out to be pretty much a sociopath--web of lies, cheated on me the entire year we dated, etc. I was feeling pretty dumb for being taken in by his pretty untrusting of relationships at that moment, and just generally wary of people.
But my friends convinced me to try online dating--I liked being able to kind of "prescreen" the guys, and I wanted to have fun, meet new people, etc.
So, I put up a profile on the dating site attached to The Onion (and also a few other sites), hoping that would lead me to someone with a killer sense of humor. I talked to a few guys and nothing went anywhere, blocked a lot of married guys, and was just about to lose hope when I got a message in my inbox.
The guy looked cute, sent a witty message that sparked my interest, and upon viewing his profile we had a lot in common. I was intrigued enough to write back and that set off a series of messages. The messages led to lengthy phone calls and tons more emails over the holidays.
Then New Year's Day rolled around and he called me, wanting to go out for a drink that night and "start the year off right." Despite being really, really hung over I powered through because I wanted to finally meet this guy.
I didn't expect more than a fun night, just a chance to meet someone new and nice, break out of my shell a little. I certainly didn't have commitment or marriage on my mind. But when we finally stood face to face, it was like a cliche romantic comedy. We only had eyes for each other. I was thrown for a loop by how instantly head-over-heels I was for him...I had the bizarre thought over that first drink that he was The One. We had an amazing first date (lasting a long time after a single drink) and I floated home, already hoping to see him again soon. Little did I know he told his buddies the next day that he met the girl he was going to marry.
That date led to a second, a kiss, and a third, fourth, and fifth. On that date, he said, "I don't want to see anyone else and I hope you don't, either, because I really like you. Want to be my girlfriend?" Three years later, I married him. We have been together almost nine years since that first date.
You never know who will turn out to be your forever.
I remember one date where she actually showed up, didn't stand me up like the others. It was a refreshing change of pace. She was really nice and sweet.
The first time I met him, I was throwing up into a toilet at a fraternity party. He took care of me and walked me back to my dorm that night, handing me off to my roommates. He asked them for my number.
The first time we hung out together, we were making out in a public dorm lounge. On one of our first real dates, he asked me to his fraternity formal. Naturally, I said yes. But he forgot that he also asked a girl he was seeing before he met me. She thought she was still going, so that was…awkward.
About three months into our relationship, he ended up getting extremely sick. He had to drop out of school, and he basically lived out of a hospital for an entire semester. I was there every day and mostly every night with him.
This became a recurring theme in our relationship. Every year, there were new challenges and even more difficult struggles. But all of these things just brought us closer together.
Last month, we got married in Maui in front of all our closest friends and family.
Had met a dude through mutual friends a few times; he was a friendly acquaintance. Due to one of our buds playing Cupid and dropping hints back and forth, we got the idea to go on an informal sort of double date: him, me, our Cupid and her boyfriend, to the dusk-till-dawn night at the drive in. (Basically people get wasted and watch movies all night). I hated watching movies at the time, but I agreed to go out of interest in this guy.
Another mutual friend was having a party that night as well. After a few "heh stoked for the movie" texts back and forth the whole plan dissolved and we ended up just going to the party. When I got there, a ton of drunk people came up and all asked a variation of "Why were you going to go to the drive in? You hate movies!" making it very obvious that I was only going for the date of it. It became officially a date at that point, which was a little awkward in the good way.
Had a great night, smoked many blunts, ended up sitting awkwardly in the same chair edging closer and closer alllll night until we spontaneously started kissing for the next hour or so. Obnoxious, I know.
All in all, it was the best date I ever had. It didn't feel fake or uncomfortable like every other dinner-and-a-movie date I'd been on. I was comfortable and happy. We made out all night and slept on a futon in a freezing cold room. I woke up happy and...I dunno. Warm. Contented. He kissed me on the cheek in front of everyone at breakfast and I blushed.
16 months later I'm still blushing :)
On my first date, I had explosive diarrhea a one-person bathroom that was audible to a large group of people. When I stepped out, my date (and everyone else) was staring at me with wide eyes. He said we had to go somewhere else because this establishment was closing.
The part where it turned out better than expected: He asked me on a second date.
I went on a first date with a guy who took me out to a decent restaurant in our tiny hometown. After we ordered dinner, this dude seriously pulled out a cigarette and a lighter and started smoking at the table. This was in like 2006 so it was a little different then, but it's not like it was 1965. People didn't do that. It was not OK. He was the only one smoking in the restaurant.
I finally had to tell him to put the cigarette out. After that start, it's more than a little surprising that we went on to date for six years and have now been married for four. So, hey, you never know.
When I was in college, one of my best guy friends asked me out completely out of the blue — I'd just gone through a breakup, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Unfortunately, I found out that he was making a super-big deal out of the date: taking me to a stupidly nice restaurant, obsessing over every detail, etc. Yikes. The day of our date, I woke up feeling sick, but I decided I'd suck it up and go.
It was a total disaster. He ordered for me and mispronounced every single thing on the menu (and the waiter let him know it), he spilled soup on his shirt, and when the food came, I suddenly felt so sick that I couldn't eat a thing. It was painfully awkward and neither of us knew what to say for the full meal. On the ride home, he apologized for taking me on the worst date ever, and he was so cute about it, I said I'd plan the next one (which went much, much better).
We dated for the next two years.
I had met this girl through a friend of a friend, and started texting/Myspace messaging... the good ol' 2008 flirt combo. Anyways, we decided to meet up one night, and I had recently been on a series of bad dates. I was 18 at the time, so I really wasn't expecting much. Her entire group of friends was really weird, and almost off-putting, but I decided to meet up because my best friend said her and I would be a good match.
It was her idea to meet at this coffee shop downtown. I get there first, wait for a bit, and then meet her. The coffee shop is closed. We decide to go to a hamburger/hot dog joint nearby, and even THAT is closed. I'm beginning to think that this is going to be a giant pile of crap for another date, so I just say "Screw it. Let's go to the Olive Garden."
[BTW, side note, gentlemen: want to impress a girl on a 1st date? Go to the Olive Garden. It works.]
We get there, and we have an awesome dinner. After that, we go for a walk, and end up talking until about 2am. I had to go then, as I had work at 5am, but we ended up meeting the next night for another awesome date. Almost four years later, we're still dating and live together!
When I was in high school, I didn't date. At all. I wanted to finish with fantastic grades so I could get out of the small town I lived in at the time.
So, I'm at the mall and I'm buying the latest Modest Mouse album (Good News, so it was '04), and this random guy asks me on a date. He wasn't from the small town I lived in, so I agreed.
He picked me up from my house, and we drove to a big(ger) city about 45 minutes away. The first thing we did was go to Sonic. I was a bit put off, as Sonic wasn't what I was expecting for first date dining. He then tells me he has a surprise.
With food in hand, we pull over and he beckons me to walk with him. He pulls out a set of keys from his pockets, gives me a smile, and walks up to a billboard ladder. Apparently, his dad owned some billboards in town.
We ate our Sonic sitting way above the traffic of this city, and 16-year-old me was very, very surprised.
I went on a blind date with a kind of stupid girl. She was pretty cute though. My friend dragged me along because his girlfriend's friend was gonna be lonely. So we went to go see Titanic in 3-D. We talked about how boring that movie was so we went and saw some other movie. We hit it off that night and we both had fun.
A second date ended up with me being invited back to her apartment...which is usually a surefire predictor for smooching — but then, out of nowhere, she asked, 'Would you like to hold my snake?'
It wasn't a euphemism — she meant it for real. She had taken her pet snake out of its tank and was offering it to me. And for the record...I HATE SNAKES.
I also knew this was some sort of test. Like, I had to prove my manhood by braving her snake. Otherwise, it'd be an early night.
I weighed my love for smooching against my absolute fear of snakes, and said, 'I'm good, thanks.'
We ended up smooching anyway.
In college there was this girl I liked, but we had been just friends for a while. One night she casually commented that there was this concert she wanted to go to about 90 minutes away, but she couldn't find anyone to go with. Normally I'm pretty dense, but I picked up on this hint and said I'd love to go. When we got there we decided we'd leave our coats in the car because it was going to be warm inside and we didn't want to drag our coats around all night. Seemed like a brilliant idea, only one problem. She threw her keys in her coat pocket before shutting the door.
This was pre smart phone days, so we tried a pay phone and phonebooks to get a locksmith, but couldn't find one that was open. Eventually she called her dad, who said he'd bring a spare key after the show. We tried to hang out in the lobby as long as we could because it was late October and cold out, but eventually they kicked us out so they could close up. The night could have been a disaster but I ended up having a blast just sitting close to each other to try to keep warm and having good conversation under the stars for about an hour.
In college, my roommate had a great guy friend who was attending a school out of state. He would sometimes call our dorm room (pre-cell phone days) and I'd take his messages for my roomie when she wasn't there. We started talking a little here and there, no biggie. After awhile, he started sending these awesome letters to me with funny cartoons in them, or letters about himself, or drawings he'd done.
Around the end of the school year, he came down to visit my roommate. We finally met face-to-face, and the chemistry was wild. I felt really bad for my roommate, because it was like the instant we met we could not be apart. I truly had no feelings for him before he arrived, and expected it to be a "Hey, nice to meet ya" kind of thing. That night we went out and it was amazing. He was awesome, funny, so sweet, truly a great guy. We fell hard for each other, and ended the night with a steam-up-the-car-windows make out session.
My roommate was really cool about the whole thing, which was awesome. He and I dated for a while.
Went out a few weeks ago with a guy I thought was a pick-up artist, and I had my guard up and was expecting to find him to be a douchebag. Turns out he was really charming, sweet, and I had a great deal of fun with him. I think he's a really genuinely nice person, and I enjoy him a lot. It's rarely awesome to be proven wrong, but this was one such case.
I was on a second date with this great guy, and everything was going perfectly. Right as we were finishing dinner, his friend called him in desperate need of a ride. Apparently, this dude was just dumped by his girlfriend, who drove off with his wallet and his keys, so he had no way of getting anywhere, and my date (being a good friend) asked if I would mind going on a rescue mission.
An hour later, when we arrived at the address the friend gave us, we realized it was a strip club in a very shady part of town (which means, this guy's girlfriend dumped him at a strip club...hmm...). After picking up this very loud and very drunk third wheel, he started tearing up and told us he couldn't be alone that night, so we begrudgingly said we'd hang out with him for just a bit.
When we got into the house he was staying at, this 'friend' decided to launch his phone as hard as possible at my date's face and broke his front tooth right off. My poor date now had almost zero front tooth, and his friend proceeded to cry again. Shocker, we haven't seen this guy since. But it turns out that missing-tooth look really worked for me, because we've been married for almost 10 years now.
Went on a date with a girl that was way out of my league. It was meant to be a group thing on $2 Tuesdays at the local movie theater. Little by little everyone in the group backed out due to school stuff and the only three left going were the girl and her roommate. The girl was in night class when I called her roommate. That's when she informed me that the girl had a longtime boyfriend. I backed out and gave up.
20 minutes later my phone rings and it's the girl. She wants to go to the movie even though we are the only two going. I gulp HARD and try to act cool as I agree that it would be a good idea. The movie was a borefest (she's all that) so we cut out early and spent HOURS driving around talking and end up sharing a plate of chocolate chip pancakes from IHOP at 4 in the morning.
Neither of us mentioned her boyfriend, as we shared a first kiss. The next day I tell her that I can't continue to see her as long as she has a boyfriend. She breaks down and explains that she felt trapped in this relationship (4 years) with her first boyfriend. He was REALLY verbally abusive and cruel. She was way out of his league too, so I figured this was his way of trying to keep control of her. A day later she broke up with him. 14 years later we are still together, married 9, and have two amazing kids (that got her looks, thank god).
I had a "setup" blind date... double date. I thought nothing of it until I saw this woman. She was amazing and well, far out of my league. No problem, I have beer, and a corner. Told my friend he's a jerk.
For some reason, I had the luck of her actually being attracted to me. Also, my friend's wife wanted to see me suffer (thus why the set up with this bombshell) and expected me to fail and enjoy the situation in the days coming. Turns out since she liked me went on full warfare to get this girl NOT to like me. I was pretty heartbroken after that, I assumed my friends wife would doom the prospect of a relationship.
I still don't have a CLUE what I did to impress her.. but I thank whatever made me since it seemed to work. Whatever it was. Seriously, I have no idea, and it's kind of sad to think about the potential mate she could of had compared to me.
On top of this sick game my friends wife was playing, it was an hour's drive to see her, not long in some respects I understand but still, enough to destroy an already stressed situation. Oh, and I worked at night. I would think I spend all my luck during those days... but to make a long story short I eventually had to balls to ask her PARENTS, if I could marry her.... took her to the beach right after and asked. We had kids soon after, and dear lord they are handfuls.
I could go on but she's amazing and so much more, a far better person then I am, thinks of everyone else first, CONSTANTLY makes me better just from being beside her, and man did I need that. I did nothing but make poor choices and cause trouble most of my life, while she stayed away from drugs, polished school off while working and she's basically a saint.
My junior year of high school a guy asked me to go on a last minute date with him while I was at a family member's 50th birthday party. My parents agreed to let me go (and I was happy to leave the party of old people early) so my dad drove me to a gas station to meet him. We were in his car being awkward and what not, until we got to the movies. I can't remember what movie we saw but it ended pretty late. Not having to be home at a specific time we decided to go to a star party where we stargazed and looked at the moon though a telescope (he was very knowledgeable about stars and space). It was cold out so he made sure I was warm and gave me his jacket.
We left the party at about 11 or 12 and went back to his house. Neither of us wanted the date to end. So we went back to his house and "watched a movie". It was the first time I ever really made out with a guy. I ended up leaving around 3AM. I had no clue what to expect when he asked me out that day, but it turned out to be one of the best/most romantic dates of my life.
In college, I had told a guy friend I was not open to dating anyone - I was about to leave the country for a year. One day he asks me if I want to go to a movie with a group of his friends. When I show up, he's already bought tickets for both of us and refuses my offer to pay him back. I realize, oh crap, this is a date.
I spend the entire movie hunched over in my seat, dreading the moment he is going to try to put his arm around me or something. He never does. Afterwards we chat and get something to eat and it's all really casual and not weird, but he's made it pretty clear he's interested in me without making me feel pressured. He totally respected my boundaries and was polite as heck, the absolute polar opposite of creepy and possessive.
Long story short, we've been married 6 years.
I had a blind date tonight, set up by a friend of a friend that I met Saturday. She was having a barbeque and I was the only single person there. After chatting with one of her friends, he said he knew someone that I would get along with really well. Hesitant, I gave him my number and he passed it along.
The guy called me last night, we chatted a bit, and set up a date for tonight. He was running late so I sat at the bar, had a shot, and waited. He found me at the bar, being the only person actually sitting at it and I was pleasantly surprised that he was attractive.
We chatted for a good few hours about all the things you probably aren't supposed to talk about on a first date and had a wonderful time. When leaving, my total dorkiness came through when I said I wasn't sure how to end these things. I ended up giving him a goodnight kiss. Shortly after we both arrived at our respective homes, he messaged me asking me for a date Saturday.
It's been quite awhile since I've been on a date and even longer since I've had one that just seemed so effortless. Even if it doesn't work out, I have a renewed sense of hope in dating.
My best friends from high school had a big crush on a guy who was a year ahead of us; he was smart, lanky, awkward, a geek, basically. She tried to talk to him numerous times over the years, even joined a couple clubs she had no interest in just because he belonged to them, but all their conversations were strained at best. He was so painfully shy and she was gorgeous and outgoing. I think he was intimidated by her. We never saw him with a girl in all those years. Eventually he graduates and goes off to college - End of story. My friend ends up marrying her college boyfriend, which ends in divorce by the time she's 29 or 30. Several years go by, she moves to another state, rarely dates (her divorce was so nasty she was shell-shocked I think). Finally she agrees to go on a blind date set up by a co-worker. She's told the guy is a life-long bachelor: Handsome, successful engineer for city planning. She told me that the moment she saw him waiting at the restaurant bar, she somehow, against all odds, knew it was her high school crush. Several dates later he admitted he'd spent countless teenage nights cursing his inability to speak to her, and vowing to do it the next day, always failing miserably. Less than a year later, they were married (and they have like a gazillion chinchillas, which has nothing to do with the story, but i think it's cute).
One night I went out with the lead guitarist of the band I was in. He wanted to get laid, so I played wingman.
We were in the "meat market" club in town, where everyone knows that's why you go there.
So he finds his target, and I sit down across from her friend, as the two of them wonder off to the bar. Without looking at her, I said, "So get ready for some exciting conversation whilst my friend tries to pick yours up."
In the cutest Scottish accent, she replies, "Really, I thought that was my job!"
Next thing you know, she's buying me drinks, and as the conversation grows - the commonalities are unbelievable - we end up on the dance floor, almost dry humping.
At this stage, my friend had gotten to the point where it was dead in the water for him with this lass, and after putting in a few hours, just wanted to go home.
This sucked, because the band always came first, I couldn't leave him high and dry. But she got me in a big hug and said, "Screw off hotshot, you had your chance, this one's mine!"
I looked (lets call him) Nathan in the eye, unsure what to do, and he shrugged and said, "Screw it..." and went home.
Cut to the taxi on the way home and snogfest was on. Thankfully her friend was in the front seat as not to make it so awkward, but for the whole trip, her and the Taxi Driver were overtly talking about us.
This sparked the most intense and awesome relationship I've ever had, in fact, I asked her to marry me.
Memorial Day weekend was BAD for me. Like, I was ready to murder every man in my path because I had just ended things with a guy I was on-and-off seeing for two years. My friends invited me over for a girl's night in where they greeted me with bottles of wine and lots of pizza. And for fun, they downloaded one of those swiping online dating apps on my phone and started playing with it. Needless to say we got wasted and I started talking to this guy.
The following night we ended up at a gay bar where I felt safe being around men not into me. But all day I had been messaging back and forth with the guy on the app. So at 8:30 pm, I get a text saying he was in the front of the bar. I go out there, and there's this 6'3" guy standing there, taking up the entire doorway practically. He said my face looked like I saw Bigfoot or something. I immediately told him I hated men, so he needed to show me what he's got.
As the night went on, I gave him everything I had as far as being the most horrible person in the world. And this guy was NOT my type at all. I usually date guys that look borderline feminine, and he was full-on lumber-sexual. But eventually my aggressiveness wore off, and I ended up having a really awesome time with him. I can't explain it, but I've never felt that way about a guy before. Of course, I went home with him, and while at his place, I told him: "I feel like that painting behind you is really expensive, but it's really ugly."
We started seeing each other after that. For once in my life, I met my equal that I entirely respected and got along with and was attracted to, but the whole night started out horribly. He changed the way I see guys, that maybe they're not all jerks out to get me. Oh, and I forgot to mention that in the first 10 minutes of meeting him, I punched him.
I had a first date that lasted 36 hours.
We were both middle-aged. We lived 70-miles apart. She found me on one of the dating sites, and in retrospect I think she fell in love with my writing (not that it's all that great, but I had put many hours into that profile over the months, and she was very attuned to language). She volunteered to drive the 70-hours to meet me, and ended up spending the night, and the next night.
I had recently gotten out of a 5 year relationship (caught him cheating, he broke my arm and busted me up pretty good) and moved as far away as I could get, where I had no family or friends. It had been a little under a year, and I had a serious "I hate men" attitude. I was so bitter and was the biggest jerk to any guy that even tried to be nice to me. I had a friend with benefits for a while, who was my best friend, but that was as much involvement as I could deal with.
So I'm working at Starbucks, and I closed Thursday - Monday (we closed at 1:30am, I got out around 3am), and this guy starts coming in every single day. He worked on the same street, but there was a Coffee Bean next to his job. He came in everyday to make small talk with me. I honestly couldn't stand him. I thought he was hot, but he seemed like he got around and, like I said, I was on a quest to be the biggest jerk ever. Every time he asked me questions about myself (favorite band, food, whatever), I gave elusive and smart ass answers. But he kept coming in. He asked me out repeatedly, to see his band play, go to a movie, even tried to take me to a play. But I worked weekends and didn't want to go anyway. He gave me his business card and I held onto it for some reason.
About 6 months of this goes by. I actually had a weekend off for once, and in summer no less. I was on the phone with my mom and she told me to go out and not waste the weekend. I mentioned this guy and she told me to call him. I said no, and she said, "Why, what is wrong with you? He sounds great! And he's put up with your shit this long! Give him a chance." So I did. I called him. But he said he already had plans to go to another city to meet friends. I said ok, another time. He said, "Tell you what, why don't you get ready while I grab some take out and I'll pick you up?" I reluctantly said ok. He picks me up, we drive out of town to "meet his friends" and no one shows. It's just he and I, at this Irish Pub. The place is packed. I don't let him buy my drinks, and I'm still being kind of guarded. As the night rolls on, we had the time of our lives. It felt like I had known him for years, we laughed our asses off, and didn't even notice the crowd the whole night. We went out to have a smoke, and he barely put his hand on the small of my back while we worked through the crowd. And I let him. Right then I realized I felt so comfortable and happy to be there with him. We stayed until close, went back to his place, and stayed up until 6am laughing. I slept next to him, in his boxers and a beater.
I saw him everyday and slept over almost every night. I didn't kiss him for a week, didn't sleep with him for a few. And 6 years later, I'm still sleeping next to him. I asked him to marry me in October and he said yes. That date changed my life, and I'm so lucky my mom talked me into it.
My first date with new guy, happened last night. Was the first time we met in person and had only been talking for like two days. We were originally going to go to a movie with this guy and some friends. My friends suddenly say they have to go do something else but will meet us at the theater.
The guy and I decide we didn't even want to see that movie, stay at my place and watch Doctor Who instead. I text my friends to tell them we aren't coming to the movie. We watch some more random shows, then decide to watch Tropic Thunder.
20 minutes into the movie, something loudly bashes against my door, scares the bejeebus out of us, but then it's just silence. We calm down for a little bit. Then suddenly, the door handle is being slowly pushed down. The guy gets up and looks out the peep hole and can't see anything. We sit back down. Nothing happens for a while. Then suddenly, more bashing against the door, door handle being crazily pushed up and down. Then BAM! A rock is suddenly thrown at my patio door, it was so loud that it sounded like the window cracked. We proceed to freak out, jump off the couch, and grab kitchen knives before hiding in the bathroom.
I call 911, having a heart attack, and am on the line with dispatch for at least 20 minutes while the cops are trying to find my apartment. During this 20 minutes, more rocks were thrown at my windows and there is more knocking and jiggling of the door handle. The guy kind of guards me the whole time with knife in hand.
Cops finally show up, inspect my windows, walk around the buildings, but don't see anyone outside anywhere and can't find any proof that we were telling the truth. They look at us like we are a couple of idiots. They just tell us to keep the door locked and have a good night.
My friends then call us and I tell them what happened, they are like oh my God! no way, we are on our way there right now. I then force them to stay the night because I am so scared. The guy also says he will stay the night with me. We stay up, tell some ghost stories, talk about random stuff, then my friends go to sleep on the floor and the guy and I go my bedroom. Crazy adrenaline fuelled "oh my God we survived!" Sexy-time ensues for the next 5 hours, we never went to sleep. Magical.
The morning comes and my friends send me a text asking me to come out of my room. I come out and they are like, "We have something to tell you." They then proceed to tell me the story about how all the crazy door bashing and rock throwing was them, trying to freak us out and that when it was obvious we wouldn't open the window or door, they gave up and had walked back to their car, literally missing the cops by a minute. They apologize as much as they can and then leave.
I tell the guy the truth, he still stays with me the whole morning. We took a shower together and went out for brunch and he drove me to work.
Weirdest, most awesome, worst, and best first date all rolled into one.
I met a guy at a crappy Karaoke place in town where some friends were hanging out. Some of them invited us to watch Inception at their apartment. We ended up alone on the same couch, and were making jokes at each other, laughing and stuff. He added me on Facebook and we started talking and hanging out at events with other friends, but it wasn't all that regular. Then one day I show up at school (we both went to the same community college) and walk into the cafeteria. He sees me, gets up and says, "Come on, I'm taking you to lunch." Before I even have a chance to sit down. I confusedly follow him out the cafeteria door, and he stops and says, "Oh, and we're going out." Then he holds his hand out for me. We go to Carl's Jr. and get some food, and it was a bit awkward, and then I had to go to class. We've been married 6 months.
Some of this material has been edited for clarity.
Reddit user lLoveYourCat asked: 'How did you think babies were made when you were little?'
In the United States, it's no secret that sex education for minors is inconsistent at best.
But some people learned very unexpected stories about how babies were made, and those stories had a way of making a lasting impression.
Curious about other's stories, Redditor ILoveYourCat asked:
"How did you think babies were made when you were little?"
One Time's the Charm
"I knew babies came from sex as a fairly young child. My parents never sugar-coated that. But for some reason, as a kid, I thought you only had to have sex once to have multiple pregnancies. I seriously didn't fix that misunderstanding until early middle school."
"At some point, when I finally accepted that you had to have sex to have a baby, I thought the only time people have sex was to make a baby, and it only took one time to get the job done."
"Then when I figured out teenagers were having sex, I thought you had to be married and have sex to make a baby, but then when my unmarried cousin got pregnant, I was just confused."
"But I was sure my parents only had sex four times, and then when my mom got pregnant with number five, I thought, 'Wow, they did it again.'"
"A stork delivered them, of course. What the f**k, lol (laughing out loud)."
"Storks... I thought people trained them to steal babies from a factory and you would leave special treats on your doorstep as payment and encouragement for the stork to steal one for you."
"I was scared to death of birds for the longest time and would have a tantrum at the zoo when I saw a flamingo."
Young Conspiracy Theorist
"The government. I used to think that we lived in a totalitarian society and that the government was in complete control of everything."
"I thought the President sent people their babies when asked by mail."
Scheduled Baby Delivery
"The women in my family explained to me at the age of six that a doctor calls you sometime after reaching adulthood at the age of 18 to schedule a baby delivery date."
"The husband either pays to schedule the appointment or the government does after verifying that you have been married and financially stable for quite some time."
"When two people kissed."
"I thought the same thing, but I understood that when my mom gave me a kiss, there was no risk. Being someone raised in a very Christian background, I assumed that when you got married, God made kissing a reproductive act."
"Since I made this assumption, I remember questioning why teenage pregnancy could possibly be an issue."
The Ultimate Christmas Gift
"I thought Santa was bringing them."
"He was. I mean, Christmas comes but once a year..."
"I MAY NEVER ENJOY CHRISTMAS AGAIN."
A New Meaning to 'Forest Friends'
"When I used to ask my dad where I came from, he'd say he found me under a rock in the forest. Of course, I would go look for babies under rocks, too, but all I ever saw was dirt and those rolly-polly pill bug thingies."
"It was so gross thinking babies were just found THERE that I was actually relieved to find out how they were actually made!"
Pregnant By Proximity
"I thought women got pregnant by just being around a man, and I was always confused about what would happen if a woman still lived with her parents or dad after she’s an adult."
Coming of Age Story
"I thought it was a 'just happens once you reach a certain age' sorta thing. As a woman, I was terrified because pregnancy sounds like the most awful thing, lol (laughing out loud)."
"(I know the end result is worth it but even as a 31-year-old, I'm like, nope.)"
"I thought they grew like a seed inside the mother's belly."
"Technically, that’s true."
"Well, not like that."
The Power of Marriage
"My mum told me you couldn't have a baby if you weren't married. Note that she said 'couldn't', not 'shouldn't'."
"When my unmarried cousin was sleeping a lot my mum told my aunt 'she's having a baby'. I thought 'she can't be having a baby, she isn't married.'"
"A couple of weeks later she had an engagement party, quickly followed by a registry office wedding. She had a baby a few months later."
"I thought they grew on trees. True story."
"Baby trees, lol (laughing out loud)."
"I was surprised when I learned how it really happened, lol. I was like, 'You mean there are no trees?' And Mom just shook her head."
They Were Just There
"I don't recall a time where I gave the matter any thought without knowing the reality of it."
"Like, literally, until the day I was first introduced to the concept of birth, I don't think I cared where babies came from."
"Right, the little guys just EXISTED."
Educated Is Best
"I asked my mom and she told me the truth."
"Educate your kids, folks. They can handle it."
"I didn’t... They just showed up, honestly."
"That’s what I thought. I was terrified as a little kid that I’d wind up being a teenage mother because I thought it just happened spontaneously."
"Exactly what I thought would happen. Like one day you were just, boom, six months pregnant."
While these responses might be funny, it's an important reminder of an area in the educational system that's often lacking.
But in the meantime, while the system's curriculum is getting sorted out, at least we can take comfort in the fact that we weren't alone in believing these tall tales.
One of life's many challenges to being successful and happy is to work hard and stay focused on our respective goals.
There are many obstacles that can discourage us, but persistence and a drive to overcome can be rewarding.
Unfortunately, there are some things that are simply beyond our control, and it has nothing to do with fate.
It's the qualities we're either born with or without that can impede us or prevent us from ever achieving what can only be seen as a pipe dream.
Curious to hear examples of one of life's cruelties, Redditor G00dR1ddance asked:
"How did your genetics f'k you over?"
These Redditors were unhappy with appearances.
"Lazy eye, and a total lack of depth perception."
"Same. Do you struggle with driving? I just moved to a big city and I can’t drive here bc navigating all the traffic is too hard with no depth perception. It’s so scary!"
The Worst Parts
"Moms Family: Perfect teeth, male baldness. Dad's family: Terrible teeth, perfect hairline."
"Me: Sh**ty teeth, bald before 25. My 2 brothers: Perfect Teeth, Perfect Hairline."
"Feels FN bad."
"They should all chip in for a trip for you to Turkey for a cheap hair transplant and dental work."
Made For Farming
"All 4 grandparents were farmers. I look like I was bred to farm and f**k to make more little farm workers. Broad shoulders, big boobs, no waist, no @ss worth mentioning, and thick legs. I just look like I was bred to work forever until I die. 120 years ago."
Stop With The Flattery
"I too am sturdily built. I am not tall but I am muscular and broad with the big boobs and the broad hips and sturdy legs. I could carry very heavy sacks of feed from when I was very small. My family nickname was 'the forklift truck', so that's.. nice."
Room For More
"My mother’s OB said she had a pelvis ‘you could drive a bus through’. I was a natural breach birth and share those genetics. You could host the last supper on my a** and have room for plus ones."
These Redditors are living on borrowed time.
"Bad heart. I'm the first male in at least 4 generations to make it to 40. And that's only because I was finally properly diagnosed and treated. I wouldn't have made it to 35 if I didn't find the right cardiologist."
"Bum ticker - dad’s aorta exploded when I was 11 and my brother died from the second heart at 41. Just hoping to see my 60s."
Being Kept At Bay
"I have a blood condition where I retain iron. It's slowly killing me. Destroyed my liver, pancreas, and led to a massive heart attack."
"Fortunately, I live in the 21st century where modern medicine can keep me going with...bleeding."
"Sad Aspect" Of A Family
"My oldest uncle married a woman who had Huntington's, but they were very young and she wasn't symptomatic yet. In the 70s so no genetic testing or much public awareness. They had 5 daughters. My aunt and their eldest have long since passed away, and the remaining 4 are in various stages of the disease. It's always been a sad aspect of our family. A truly cruel disease."
"I’m BRCA2 positive, giving me roughly 74% chances of developing an incurable genetic breast cancer in my life. It also gives me about 22% of having an ovarian cancer."
"On the other side, double mastectomy lowers my chances to about 3%, but it should ideally be done before I reach 30. I will also need a hysterectomy in my 40s."
"I had 50/50 chance of getting the BRCA2 gene mutation so well, genetics did f'k me over!"
Redditors share more of their crosses to bear in life after being blessed with these traits.
"I'm more attractive to mosquitoes than most people. If I'm out when mosquitoes are around, I end up covered in bites (which I'm also allergic to, so I end up with quarter sized welts that itch for daaaays after the fact)."
It's sobering to realize the ailments your parents struggled with are starting to become our own to bear.
High blood pressure, arthritis, and predisposition to atherosclerosis are some of the undesirable parts of my family's genetic makeup that I never really thought about until I noticed how fatigued and in pain I've become with age.
Although I have so much gratitude for surviving every year I get to celebrate my birthday, getting old still sucks.
Being let go from your job is never a pleasant experience.
Particularly if it comes out of nowhere, without any possible warning that this was a possibility.
Even if it isn't any more pleasant, generally speaking, most people have at least an inkling of why they were let go.
Budgetary reasons, dissolved departments, being told you weren't meeting company standards, or bad blood with the boss.
As well as some less common, highly unusual reasons which at least might make a good story down the line.
Redditor Sweetlo123 was curious to hear from people who were let go from their jobs, and why they were met with this fate, leaving them to ask:
"What did you get fired for?"
For Standing Up For What's Right.
"We were told we get OT for night work."
"The new 'company manager' let it slip that we don't actually get OT for night work, so when I was scheduled for five nights in a row working on a transmission line cell site I mentioned that I expect everyone working from our company on site get OT."
"Once it was said that we won't get OT and that it wasn't an actual policy (was written in employee handbook), I forwarded the email chain to the entire company and leadership at Verizon."
"I was canned, but now everyone gets OT for night work."
"My life is better now anyway and got my people what the deserve."- drklunk
This Was Never Going To End Well...
"Aggressively squeezing breakfast muffins lol."
"I was a few days into working at Mcds and someone complained I gave them a muffin that was too hard-they bake them at like 3 am and sit in a warmer all day."
"This was before they had the full bakery menu, I think muffins was the only thing baked and maybe cookies."
"So my manager told me to squeeze them before I hand them out."
"Me being a dumb teenager squeezed the s*it out of these muffins and got another complaint."
"They stopped scheduling me, haha."- eatmyknuts
You Have To Do The Work To Get Paid...
"I just stopped working and began only attending meetings."
"Lasted almost 9 months that way before they let me go."- frantictossingmartin freeman sleeping GIFGiphy
Wrong Time, Wrong Place
"I was fired after a month into my first job at a local pizza joint when I was 16."
"They called me during the Super Bowl and said I had to come in."
"I told them I was out of state without a car so no way I could make it."
"They said I should’ve known this was one of the busiest days of the year and I should’ve stayed in the area."
"I came in to work my next shift and they just gave me my paycheck and said they had to let me go for not being a team player."
"10 years later I was fired from a job in tech because I refused to move out of state."
"This one hurt a lot more."- seventyfive1989
Hard Not To Say They Had It Coming...
"The company's timeclock software ran off of the computers time, so when I was late I would just close the software, change the time back to before shift start and then clock in and change it back."
"The supervisor who showed me the trick fired me."
"A day or two later he saw me pulling in late, and when he went over the time info that day, it showed me clocked in on time."
"He knew why."- Grief-Inc
Nepotism Always Screws Someone Over...
"Worked at a gas station and was a sucker for the free soda."
"I would drink a few 24 oz glasses of Dr. Pepper (don’t judge) per shift and had to piss relatively frequently."
"I usually worked with the same lady every shift and every shift my drawer came up short even like $10-20 bucks."
"One day my usual co-worker was off and I worked with another lady who warned me to watch my drawer around the other and hers had been short when she was around."
"That got me to thinking."
"The next shift with the usual lady I stuck some receipt paper into the lip of the bottom of my drawer and hit the bead."
"When I came back the paper was on the floor."
"My drawer was short $20 at shift change and my boss fired me."
"I told her of my findings and asked her to review the security tape."
"She told me to f*ck right off the other lady had been there years."
"I left heart broken and rented some VHS tapes to indulge in and recover."
"One of the movies was Casino and man is that a good movie."
"Come to find out the usual lady was the boss lady’s cousin and they f*ckin told people I knew I got fired for stealing money."
"I though about calling a lawyer but also, I was in high school and was delusional I suppose."
"I got out of that town after high school and rarely return, especially considering all my family moved off."- woohhaaSnl Smiling GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
The Age Old Story Of Men In Power
"Caught the boss stealing."
"So he fired me."
"His word vs. mine and it didn't go my way."- freezingprocess
People Tend To Get What They Deserve
"Embezzled almost $500,000 from the doctor's office I worked at."
"Oh no, wait."
"That was my former supervisor who did that...26 years after she fired me for taking home a left over slice of pizza after a drug rep hosted a pizza party for the office staff."
"Karma can take a long time, but it always comes through."- YourFront
Late To The Game...
"Being the last hired when they instituted layoffs."- BubbhaJebus
Some Plans Can't Be Cancelled
"1970s YES 'Close to the Edge' tour."
"I had my tickets and had the request approved for time off, they changed their mind at the last minute and would not let me off."
"Left anyways and was genuinely surprised when I got back on Monday and they informed me that I was fired."-AmandaBRecondwith
Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated
"My boss was talking sh*t about me to employees, and I confronted her with 'how would you expect the people below me to respect me when you show them that you don’t?'"
"She didn’t like it and literally went crying to the owners, who then fired me for 'causing problems'.”- Successful-Snow-562
For Literally Doing What They Were Supposed To
"I got fired for slacking off and underperforming at work by taking my legally required lunch."- 10leejHungry Lets Eat GIF by TRTGiphy
They Couldn't Have Waited One Day?
"Worked as a QA tester for an online game company."
"Found bug while on my personal account at home."
"Came in the next day and reported the bug."
"I was VERY clear I found the bug while playing at home on my personal account."
"It was a nasty bug that let you duplicate very expensive items."
"A few weeks later someone in customer service was checking the logs for people exploiting the bug."
"They found mine and the company decided to fire me on my birthday."
"That was around 15 years ago but it still upsets me every year, on my birthday."- PedanticCyborg
While most believe "ignorance is bliss", anyone handed a pink slip deserves to know why.
Even if sometimes the reason gives no closure whatsoever, and instead only results in even more questions.
Having the support of family is a dream; they're always there when you need them, willing to lend a helping hand. However, sometimes family members are completely clueless, and their assistance has adverse effects. Here Redditors tell of what went down when their family thought they were helping when in reality, their good intentions were horribly misplaced.
My Sister Did Quite The Job On Me
My Sister Did Quite The Job On Me
One day, my little sister asked for my CV so she could base her own on it. A few days later, I got an email from Google Dublin telling me that my job application had been rejected. A conversation with my very embarrassed sister revealed that my mother had put her up to it. They sat down together and filled out the job application. When I saw what they wrote, I wanted to scream.
They included gems such as, “Q: Why do you want to work for Google? A: Because I LOVE technology'”. I imagine whoever viewed my application thought it quite ballsy for a music and Chinese language graduate to apply for the post of “Senior Technical Programmer”.
Grandma Doesn’t Let Up
Grandma Doesn’t Let Up
My girlfriend and I both have great full-time jobs starting in our careers. My family lives about 60 miles away in my hometown. My grandmother sends us clippings from the newspaper of random job postings in hopes I will move back home. They are all completely unconnected to our jobs. Every month when we visit, she also insists that we should set up an apartment in her basement and live there instead of having to pay rent somewhere. I love her dearly, but that would be just a little too weird.
My Mom Hit A Sour Note
My Mom Hit A Sour Note
My mother is a professional musician and had no greater desire than for me to be the same. Immediately after entering college, I completely minimized my time in music as much as possible to maintain my scholarship and put all my energy into medical biology. I was doing two doctorates in the medical sciences, so it is not like I slacked off.
Almost a year after I did this, my mother somehow found out. She then called the school, and multiple people in the music department, demanding that they require me to spend more time with music and get me back to “acceptable” levels of performance.
A Publix Humiliation
My grandfather insisted I call some random teacher he met at the grocery store to "set up an internship" for my last semester of college when I would have to student teach. No amount of explaining could convince him that that was not how it was done. I would have to apply through my university and my county, and they would assign me a classroom and a teacher. It started to get painful.
He would call once a week and say I was ungrateful for not taking him up on his help when he had worked so hard, and why couldn't I just make one small effort to help my future and secure a classroom? I felt awkward because it's pretty weird to call up someone your grandfather met at Publix and explain that you don't need their help.
Eventually, I started feeling guilty and called this woman up. When she picked up, I said, "Hello, my grandfather gave me your number because he thinks that—" and she responded with, "Don't worry, sweetie. He pretty much old man guilted me to give him my number. I know you can't control where you're placed in your internship. Bye". It was really awkward.
The Taste Of EmbarrassmentFormer Quiznos Subs Sign Downtown Miami | Completely empty i… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
When I was 18, my friend who was a cook offered me a delivery job at Quiznos; I told my mom that I was thinking about it. She got mad, emailed Quiznos corporate office, and said how it was irresponsible to offer me a job and that the manager was terrible. But that wasn't the end of the embarrassment. The message went to the manager, who went to my friend, who read it—embarrassingly—in a car full of my friends.
Mom, The Pickup Artist
I'm 26 years old, and every time I'm out with my mom, she tries her hardest to pick up girls for me, no matter the place. She's left my number for cute waitresses, girls that helped me into fitting rooms, bartenders, etc. It's never subtle, either. It’s always, "My son is single, you know? And very handsome and has a job and car".
Stop The Music!
My dad forced me to stop taking guitar lessons because "It is affecting your grades". I maintained a 4.0 in high school, did all of my homework, and would then proceed to play guitar for about eight hours a day. He actually threatened to burn my $800 Schecter. I have no idea why he thought it was ruining my life; I had a job, studied, and just loved music.
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener
My mom once mowed the lawn while I was out to "help me get my chores done”. It was a disaster. She put the blade on as low as it went and it absolutely scalped the lawn. She had shorn it all the way down to bare dirt. There was even dirt blowing all over the yard, but she said she "didn't notice". It took months for the grass to grow back.
What Once Was Too Much Is No More
My mother did a thousand things that drove me insane. She would write my name on my underwear, on every book I owned, and engrave it onto things that wouldn't keep ink. She'd do the laundry, but seemingly had no idea how to do laundry. My entire life she had to straighten things up, which consisted of taking everything in the room and putting it in one pile—papers, cell phones, empty coke cans, you name it.
This even occurred when I was 40 years old and in my own house with a wife and kids. She'd constantly tell me and my wife that we needed more furniture, more things on the walls, more knick-knacks, basically to clutter our house up like she had done to hers. She was a pretty annoying person for the most part, but she did cool stuff too, like give me money like take my wife shopping or babysit our kids.
She volunteered to babysit our kids on her 43rd anniversary despite having a stomach ache. The next day she went to the doctor where she found out she had cancer. The day after that she had an emergency operation which determined it was inoperable. She never left the hospital and passed two weeks later. Now, suddenly all that stuff that drove me insane doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore.
Meddlesome Mom Messed With My Mailpile of printing papersPhoto by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
My mom opens all my letters, especially my bank statements. She once came across an invoice for an adult subscription. You think that's embarrassing? It gets soooo much worse. She instantly assumed someone had gained access to my account. So, she decided to phone the bank and tell them that fraudulent activity was taking place, and had my account frozen. Not only that, but because I am self-employed, she thought she would ring HM&Revenue, and tell them about it.
As a result, I ended up getting investigated to make sure all of my accounts and business purchases were legit. Her response was, “I know my precious baby would not be buying [racy videos]”. I'm 21 years old!
Trying To Put The Hit On Me
My mom insisted I needed a boyfriend since the age of 12 or I was a lesbian. Typical ways for Mexicans to meet other fornicating Mexicans were at weddings and Quinceneras. I've always been a book nerd/tomboy and my mom kept insisting I had to wear fewer clothes and would force short skirts and dresses on me. I hated getting hit on because all the guys that would had already slept with at least three of my cousins.
Thankfully, I was one of the few in my family who ended up not pregnant by the age of 15. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21—most of my cousins were married by then—and got married at the age of 24, and was able to prove once and for all that I liked men.
Duo Lingo Disaster
My wife's grandmother is Russian and wanted me to learn the language. So Babushka bought a huge carton of cassette tapes and handed them to me. When I saw what they said, it was so hard not to laugh. They were tapes...for Russians who wanted to learn English. She figured that I could listen to the Russian prompts, then hear the English parts, and reverse engineer the Russian language. Nyet. That's not how it works.
My mom is very religious and I'm not, so she hides religious icons all over my house. I'll find a crystal statue of the Virgin Mary in my toilet tank, little pictures of Jesus on my storage shelves in the basement, etc. It's always a little amusing when I find some random saint's picture stuffed into a book on my shelf. I probably have dozens of these things lying around that I haven't found yet.
My family is in the class under middle class. Through middle school and high school, going to the doctor was too expensive and our bills weren't ever paid on time. We had the financial credit of a squirrel. But my parents made it so much worse. It makes me sound shallow to say this to most people, but I was given well-intentioned, expensive, material things.
Clothes, cars, jewelry, technology—everything beyond our means—was bought for me and it was forced into my hands. Despite their best attempts, I remained frugal and money conscious. I have handed back 300-dollar watches and said, “Please just pay the bills”, only to be threatened to have them thrown away. Then, there were expensive clothes and shoes that were out of style.
Most of the clothes I liked were thrift store-bought or on sale, but I have 200-dollar coats hanging untouched in my closet. I can't be thankful for being handed essentially junk when there isn't enough food in the fridge or the lights go out.
Meddling Middle School Misfortuneboy leaning on brown wooden railingsPhoto by Tadeusz Lakota on Unsplash
When I was finishing primary school, our school gave us the choice of two middle schools to move to. One was really nice and in a decent area; the other was a little run down, and in a bad area, but was slightly nearer to where I lived. Naturally, even before seeing each school, the choice for me was an easy one. I would rather go to a nice school and suffer an extra 20 minutes of travel than the alternative.
This choice appeared to be shared with nearly everybody else as well and, as a result, we were told that not everybody would get their first choice. They would determine who would get into which school based on several factors. I figured I would be almost guaranteed a spot in the nice school since I was doing well academically.
I was in advanced classes for math and English. I was shocked to later find out that I had been sent to the bad school. This was exacerbated by the fact that nearly all my friends were being sent to the good school. What followed was the worst four years of my life, and some issues that I have no doubt screwed me up as a person, even now. When I found out WHY it had happened, I almost started to cry.
I told my parents I had been assigned to the bad school, and my dad said he was relieved. The thing was, he thought that I would not be able to get to school on time if I went to the nicer school, due to the extra distance, and the travel costs would be higher since I would need to take an extra bus. So, he wrote a letter to the school board.
He mentioned that while I preferred the nicer school, he thought the bad school was more convenient. I love my parents, so I have never told him this, but to this day I have never forgiven him for doing this.
God Mom, Lay Off!
My mom would force me to go to church on Sundays, weekly church youth group, church summer camp, and daily morning scripture study classes before school while I was growing up. Despite all that, she seems to think that I didn't get the memo about the whole God thing. So, she still gives me the conversion pitch every time I see her. I am 36 years old. Thanks, mom, but no means no.
An Invitation For Disaster
My mother-in-law tried to take over my wedding guest list because she “knew exactly who we needed to invite”. We ended up with all of her relatives and very few of my friends or family. She also wanted to invite all of her co-workers, all of her friends, and their children. I finally put my foot down and told her that I had limited room, a limited budget, and it was my wedding. Luckily, my husband agreed with me. All her relatives got mad as well because I refused to have anyone below the age of 13 there.
Dragged On My Dad’s Dates
My dad dragged me around everywhere he went when I was a child. He would take me on his dates too. Although it sounds cute and funny, all he would do was make fun of me and tell them how I spend all my time on computers. I hated every second of it. He did this for a bit until he clued in that women don't like when you trash talk your son or ask him questions like, "Why don't you draw anymore"?
I would reply, "You threw out my artwork in my room, so I gave up". They also don’t like when I just couldn’t take the awkwardness of being an 11-year-old forced to accompany two mid-40-year-olds “trying” to date. I would get up and go to the bathroom or walk around, only to be tripped by my dad, for which he would turn back and laugh. He thought he was teaching me a lesson by taking me because I spent all my time on the computer.
Garage Sale Granny
My grandparents are garage sale junkies. This really helped me out when I was just getting started on my own, as they had so much unused furniture just lying around in the garage. However, it just kept coming. I would get phone calls from home saying, "Oh Hunny, we picked you up a new microwave! It was only $5"! I've been given three different microwaves over the last three years.
They also buy socks for my baby daughter all the time—like every time I come to visit. My daughter hates socks, and she rarely wears them. There are SOCKS EVERYWHERE. I have two giant shopping bags full of unused baby socks in the closet, and I can't donate them because, apparently some places—in my area at least—don't accept socks unless they are in their original packaging.
It Didn’t Make Any Centssilver and gold round coinsPhoto by Art Rachen on Unsplash
I was going to a coin show with my co-worker and his stepfather. They came by and picked me up, and we went to the show. After they dropped me off, the stepfather was stopped and questioned by the authorities near my house. It turned out my dad had called the authorities thinking that the stepfather was a predator, and I didn't know any better.
But here's the messed up part: I was 21 at the time. It was very embarrassing when I heard what happened the next day.
A Numbers Game
Before my wife and I ever met, her mother would often give her phone number to "nice Jewish boys" that she thought would be good dating material. It was weird but not bad or unusual. Except that, for a period of nearly a year after my wife and I had started dating, her mother was still doing this. There were times when we'd go back to her apartment after seeing a movie or something, and there would be a message on her answering machine.
It would be from a guy that she had never met, who got her phone number from her mother. This was happening MONTHS after we were involved with one another, even after I went to her mother's house and had dinner with her.
Single Straight Female
Years ago, my sister jokingly insinuated I was a lesbian. My parents gave me the whole "love you whatever you are" spiel later. I didn't tell them right away that I wasn’t because it made my conservative parents vote “No” on Prop 8, etc. I also didn't think it mattered, and I didn't want them to expect any grandkids. Later, I told my mom I was straight because the whole scenario got a bit aggravating. It only got more excruciating.
Despite telling her this, she kept insinuating certain things like the best places in China (I’m Asian) to find a wife, etc. I have absolutely no interest in having kids EVER, which I made abundantly clear. My mom, therefore, thinks I am a hermaphrodite or a female-to-male trans person. She's even asked me if I have a male organ or if I wanted to change my general doctor to a male one so I can talk about my "man problems". I'm a straight girl, so all of this was quite perplexing.
No Bed Of Roses
I had just moved back in with my mom after having some financial difficulties. I was 28 at the time and broke, sleeping on a twin bed. I was lamenting about how difficult that might make bringing ladies home. Her response was horrifying: "You can use my bed. Just call me first". Suffice it to say, during the two years I was back home with her, there were no romantic times back at my place.
Filling My Fridge For Nothing
Every time my grandparents visit my town, they stock my empty pantry with lots of canned goods and my empty freezer full of frozen entrees. I tell them that I appreciate their generosity, but that it is really unnecessary. They reply by saying they don't ever want to risk me going hungry because I am too proud to ask for food.
The reason my cabinets are consistently bare is that after they leave, I always make a point of donating what they've bought me to a local food bank. I own three restaurants, so there is no reason I would ever cook at home. In a bad year, I have an annual net income of around $2,000,000. They're stocking a $10,000 freezer.
Proper Phone Etiquettebrown rotary dial telephone in gray painted roomPhoto by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
My mom used to make me make phone calls under the guise of “teaching me how to talk on the phone”. But she was having me call adults as a young teen about business stuff like for example, the electric company. She would not give me the information I would need to complete the task, like the account number or whatever, so I’m absolutely sure I was just annoying people who were trying to do their jobs and my phone anxiety as an adult is almost crippling.
No Thanks For The “Expert” Advice
My mother-in-law sent me a text message with advice for editing the language on my personal portfolio website. She told me to change all of the pronouns I use when referring to myself to "my company name". When I told her most illustrators I know don't do this, she simply responded that she was an "expert editor". I am not being ungrateful; she is constantly doing this. Providing "expert advice" to people whose jobs she knows nothing about. When I told her what I did for a living, she responded with, "Well, gee, I could do that".
Coast To Coast Annoyance
My aunt constantly tries to introduce me to women who live 3,000 miles away from me. I have explained many times that I live on the East Coast, so her attempts to find me a girlfriend on the West Coast are not going to help. Not only that, but my girlfriend doesn't appreciate the efforts either. The funniest part is that she isn't even old or senile. She's just a bit nuts.
Grammy Was Out Of Step
When I was really young, my Midwestern, Protestant, fundie grandparents believed that black or gray clothing was exclusively worn by bad people, and they refused to see it on their grandson. They took particular issue with black shoes. As a six-year-old, I was given the chance to pick my own shoes out at the local Sports Authority.
I spent the whole day evaluating my options and settled on a gorgeous pair of black New Balance with orange mesh and white logos. Understandably, I couldn't wait to show them off to Grammy when I went to visit for the summer. I carefully explained the features of the shoes, and how they made me run faster, jump higher, and look older.
When she saw them, she said, "Oh my goodness! Those might be the coolest shoes I've ever seen"! Then, when I woke up the next morning, they had been thrown out and replaced by a pair of entirely white Nike sneakers with no explanation.
I grew up with a dad who had been a high school and college sports legend. I hated sports. I was overweight and liked D&D and drawing. My dad was friends with the high school football coach, so I felt like I had to try out for the team. I hated every second of it. I hated the training and I was terrible. My teammates knew I wasn't into it and wanted me out.
One day, I jumped off the bleachers and tried to land on my leg to break it. I sprained my ankle badly and missed our first scrimmage. Finally, I had to confess to my dad that I hated it and wanted off the team. I was so scared because I thought he'd be so disappointed. However, he told me, "Son, you're you and I'm me. Just because I played football doesn't mean you have to. I want you to do what makes you happy".
So, my dad watched football alone, while I drew and read and later skateboarded. Over the years, we found a lot of common ground, such as music, and cooking together. I lost him almost five years ago, and strangely, now I'm a huge football fan. I sit and watch football alone and I can imagine him with me. I appreciate it now and I understand what it meant to my dad.
Drowning In Questionsman doing swimmingPhoto by Richard R. Schünemann on Unsplash
I used to swim a lot in college, which was many years ago. I got tired of getting in the water, so now I mostly do weights and machines at the gym, like the rowing machine and the elliptical. But every time my mother sees me, she asks, “So, have you been swimming”? We have had MANY conversations about how I don't like swimming anymore and I have no desire to swim, yet I still exercise. But EVERY time I see her, it’s, "Have you been swimming? How's your swimming”?
Years ago, my wife and I went on vacation for two weeks, and we had her parents watch our house and cat for us. Never again. We left the house at a comfortable temperature as it was the middle of summer in Atlanta, and we didn't want our cat to bake. We also wanted the house to be comfortable for them and my brother for the couple of days he stayed.
When we returned, the house was about 90 degrees on the inside, and our cat was chilling in our basement—somewhere she never went—where the temp was a good ten degrees cooler. They also decided to wipe down our kitchen counters, even though the kitchen was 100% clean. They are marble and she used a cleaner on them that left these little spots all over them that never came off.
My brother came over for a couple of days and said that he actually turned the A/C back on and noticed that when he came back a couple of days later, it was back off again. So he turned it on again and when we returned, it was off again. Our cat was not amused and decided that she would hang out in the basement for weeks at a time, and we rarely saw her.
Our power bill was enormous that next month and the constant heating and cooling of the house caused the wallpaper in two of our bathrooms to peel. When we asked them about it, they explained, "We were just trying to save you guys some money on your power bill. You know you shouldn't keep your house so cool all the time! And we wiped the dust off your counters too with the cleaner you had”, which was hardwood floor cleaner as it turned out.
She took all of my pants and cut them into shorts and gave them to my brother because they were "too small for me" when, in reality, they fit perfectly. After she realized that what she did might have irked me a bit, she came back with a few pairs of light blue wrangler jeans that were a 40" waist because they would "fit me better". I wore a 36, so needless to say, they didn't.
She also told my little brother, who was chubby and pretty self-conscious, that he had a gut and that he needed to swim with a shirt on. I wouldn't be critical if she were old enough not to know better regarding what she says, but she just turned 65.
Dressed To Impress
My mother was in love with the idea that I would go to work in an office with a suit and a tie. She had some ideal image from television that this was a great lifestyle. Meanwhile, we came from a farm, and I was an artist. For a year or so after finishing a degree, I worked in tech support and this required a dress code. My mother got me so many collared shirts and ties, it was crazy. I've worked mostly in offices since but rarely need a tie. I know she's always been disappointed.
Temptation Almost Took Over
When I was in my 20s and a dateless wonder, my stepmother tried to talk me into marrying an attractive young woman who was a friend of the family, and was in the US on a green card. It would be for citizenship, but my stepmother also said that whatever other “private arrangements” we worked out were up to us. I was tempted for about five minutes, but then my father caught wind of my stepmom's scheme and put a stop to it.
Harrowing Hook UpGiant Dipper queue entrance | Santa Cruz Boardwalk @ Santa C… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
One day, I was at the wonderful Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk with my family. My dad had been drinking and suddenly asked me, "Why don't you have a girlfriend"? I was around 11 or 12 years old at the time. I told him I just never found one, and that's when he decided to become Cupid. He called over this group of overweight, goth chicks to "hook his son up".
Naturally, I was embarrassed beyond belief. I walked away to go find my mom, who was furious with my dad’s conduct. She even went so far as to ask, "Why did you choose some goth chicks"? His response was terrible and inappropriate. To this day I have never forgotten that.
When I was 11 or so, I was riding my bicycle home from school and the wind started blowing like crazy, hard enough that I had to push my bike the last couple of blocks home. The tornado sirens went off while I was half a block away. I ran straight to the back door that led to the basement, went downstairs, and over to the “safe” corner my parents taught me about.
I sat and worried about the house collapsing on me. Then, the phone started ringing upstairs. I ignored it for as long as I could, probably around two minutes. I finally ran upstairs and answered the phone. It was my mom, and all she said was, "Get your butt downstairs"!
Bound And Gagged
My mom and sister came to visit me for a few days the weekend after I moved into a new apartment by myself. I had to work on the first day they were there and gave them suggestions on a whole bunch of fun activities they could do while I was gone. I asked them to please not unpack any of my stuff so that I would know where I had placed everything.
Obviously, there were also things my mom didn’t need to see. I arrived home after work and everything was unpacked. Then, my mom handed me one bag which she had not emptied. The content had bed straps, and she asked me if I had wanted her to set those up too. It was mortifying.
College Control Freak
My mom took over my entire college experience. She became really controlling about my course schedule and degree options. Somehow, it got worse the older I got. She would contact my academic counselor and bug him about why I couldn’t get into ENGL 3044 or why HIST 4513 didn’t give me the same general ed credit as ENGL 4513 for the multi-disciplinary degree that she pushed on me.
I wanted to major in sociology, but Mom thought that was stupid and it was a hippy-liberal communist degree. It made me hate college, and avoid any professors she had contacted. She would also get really mad if I changed my university password to try and lock her out. Basically, she threatened not to pay for my college if she couldn't control me and she threatened to cancel my car insurance too. All because she was afraid I would leave for greener pastures.
Drop The Dating Advice
My brother, my sister, my sister-in-law, and every aunt and uncle whom I've seen in the past four years all take the opportunity to give me dating advice, ask me about what kind of girls I like, ask me to pick the most attractive girl in the restaurant/building, etc. One of my uncles, in particular, was telling me in none-too-uncertain terms to just find girls to bed, not for relationships.
His reasoning was that, obviously, no 23-year-old guy wants to have a girlfriend metaphorically tying him down, holding him back from things, etc. Of course, every college dude just wants to just go sleep around indiscriminately. This was a dinner conversation with my parents at the table. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Every time it happens, I'm tempted to tell them that I'm gay—which I'm not—so they'll get off my back. But then I know they'll just do the same for dudes.
Something Was Fishy With My Juicebrown and yellow medication tabletsPhoto by Leohoho on Unsplash
I'm a vegetarian and have been for seven years. One summer, my mom was going through a phase of making me these orange juices every day; they were nice. I always thought to myself that the oranges must be coming from a different place this year because they were so sweet. One day, I was scrambling through the fridge and found this jar that looked like some weird medicine.
I opened that baby up and took a whiff. It smelled like oranges—sweet, sweet oranges. When I read the label of the “medicine”, that's when I realized that my mom was spiking my drinks with fish oil. A “vegetarian” who eats fish is called a “vegequarian pescatarian”, not a vegetarian like I was. Needless to say, I was mad and didn't talk to her for a week.
My mother tries to set me up with Jewish men. Our family is Jewish, and I have told them explicitly, many times, that I don't want to marry anyone overtly religious and that I find most Jewish men not to be my type, to put it lightly. So lately, my mother has been trying to hook me up with cute girls. She believes that since I'm a 26-year-old pretty, single girl, I MUST be gay to not be married with kids.
The Devil’s Devices
My grandmother throws out appliances that have the number 666 in the serial number or barcode. She thinks these appliances will eventually turn on us because they’re the devil's appliances. This includes a brand new lawnmower she received as a gift from her children. Of course, she didn't give the lawnmower to anyone because she didn’t want to be responsible for the impending doom the appliance would bring; she just threw it out. She's done this at our house before as well. She's a nut, but I love her!
My Family Was Full Of Gay Abandon
When my mother and father found out I was gay, my mother said it would be best for me to come out to everyone who lived with us. At the time, it was my sister, brother, grandmother, and great-aunt. She said if I didn’t do it, she would do it for me because it would help me have a better relationship with all of them. When I went to talk to my grandmother, she had just had some really intense surgery and she was on some serious pain meds.
So, I sat her down and told her I was gay and she just went on this half-hour rant about how she knew a teacher that was a queer when she was in high school. It turned out she then emailed several relatives about my coming out. An aunt of mine then sent me a letter saying that she wished the best for me and told me that I could "still live my life as a gypsy", I just needed to be careful because "AIDS is really dangerous" and that I shouldn’t sleep with anyone until I was married.
Time To Cut The Cord
My parents can't accept that I am a married adult and don't need them to do everything for me. They did all they could to make me as dependent as possible, and they don't understand that not needing them to do things doesn’t mean I don't love them. For example, I am pregnant and at high risk. My mother calls all the time wanting to take me to my appointments.
I get that she is nervous, but this little girl is very healthy, and I don't want her there. She doesn't help, she only makes me nervous. My husband wants to go with me, after all, it's our baby, and she doesn't get it. She called my last daughter "her" baby, and she is starting again. It infuriates me beyond belief. My parents also hate that I live about two hours away in a different state.
They want us to visit every weekend and get mad that we only visit every few months. I talk to my mom every day, mind you, yet sometimes she calls me several times a day and doesn't get that I have things to do. She also constantly says she and my dad are moving to Las Vegas and she thinks it would be great if we moved there too.
She has all these people call my husband about jobs that are not anything he would be interested in. Plus, my parents don't have any good business contacts. My mom has not had a real job in fifteen years and my father has been looking for a better job for years. They are not even in the same field as my husband. Even if the job sounded perfect, we would never trust it.
We don't want to be associated with anyone they do business with. My parents have some serious separation issues.
Two Sides Of A Shielda person holding a babyPhoto by Polina Kuzovkova on Unsplash
I had cancer twice before I was five years old and so my parents really shielded my life. If I was invited to a kid’s birthday party, my mom would be there too. I wasn’t allowed to play outside until late, and even when I was older, there was no going to nightclubs. I had to be in by 10 PM and had to argue my way to let my boyfriend (now husband) stay the night.
As a result, I'm terrible at socializing, struggle to make my own decisions since someone was always there with an answer for me, and don’t know anything about running a house as it was all done for me and not by choice. When I moved in with my boyfriend, they were all, “Do you not like us anymore? What have we done to deserve this?”
My guy had to show me everything from using the washing machine and paying bills, to cooking. Everything I know is because of him! They continued to message, email, and phone several times a day until I asked for space and to be allowed to live my life. We have a better relationship now, and I have my own little girl, so I do understand to some extent.
However, I know I'd want her to be supported and loved but allowed to scrape her knees and be included in everything. My job as a parent is to make her feel confident about herself and teach her everything I know to help her become a well-rounded and independent individual.
The Only Bad Influence Was Her
My mom tried to protect me from my dad. My dad was a lazy guy when they were together in Vietnam. Even when they had my sister and me, my dad didn't do much for us. My mom had to take care of him and us, so we moved to the US without him. This is when my sister and I were pretty young. He missed us and he would write to us, but for 12 years I never saw his letters.
Then, through the magic of technology, we got into contact again. My mom warned me about him because she thought that he would have a bad influence on me. My dad and I exchanged emails and I told my mom about it. Then, she finally confessed the dark truth. She had kept all of his letters away from us so that we wouldn't think of him and just forget about him.
When I read the letters that he sent us, they were filled with nothing but loving and encouraging words like, "I know I'm not there for you two, but you both are in my hearts". There were no bad words or any negative influences in any of his letters. Then, my mom demanded that I let her read my emails. My email exchanges with my dad were us talking about my life and what I was doing in school.
She thought that he was going to be a bad influence on me by making me quit school and move back to Vietnam. He was doing none of that. He encouraged me to stay in school and told me that I should be grateful for living in America. Then, one time, I left my email open to go and do a quick errand. My mom went into my email, sent my dad a letter pretending to be me, and cursed him out.
I found out about it and asked her why. She said she was trying to protect me. This all happened when I was 21. My grandmother also told my mom to not let my sister and I talk to my dad because she, too, thought that he would have a bad influence on us.
The Cost Of High Tuition
My mom is paying off her student debt 20 years later from a college she didn't even graduate from. She's convinced that if I go to an in-state college, I will save money and never have to do what she was doing. Then, I moved to NYC last year, and now I'm getting in-state tuition at one of the cheapest state school systems in the US.
Even so, my mother keeps suggesting and is trying to guilt-trip me to go to private colleges back home, a couple of which are religious, and most of them don't offer what I need, while at the same time costing four times as much a year compared to where I'm at now. She also went as far as to tell my siblings that I didn't love them and that's why I was moving so far away, in a "one final effort" to try and keep me in the state. That really, really sucked.
Living The High Life
My grandmother was a nasty blue-blood rich woman until she blew all her millions on furniture and stupid material possessions with no resale value. Yet, she still acts like she is rich and demands the country-club lifestyle she is accustomed to from my mom and aunt. She really is insufferable. She has set me up with rich potential husbands, one of whom was a third cousin.
She set up an appointment with the Dean of my school to discuss my merits; she lives nearly four hours away from me. She invited me out to dinner for my 21st birthday at a $90-steak-type place so that she could "culture me" and introduce me to her friends. She then told me to pay for her. The total bill was $459 and I was in college. This list goes on forever and every time, she does things so that she can "help me get ahead in life", but it’s really just for herself.
Out Of Service
This happened to me right before I graduated from high school. The men on my mom’s side of the family were all associated with some form of service like the Navy, Army, etc. My aunt decided that, since I had no job or any college courses, she would go ahead and forge my application to the Marine Corps and the Navy.
I got a call two weeks after my birthday saying to come in for an evaluation test. She went to all my uncles and told them how excited I was to serve, and how I couldn't wait to "be a part of something bigger than me". When I found out, I lost it. I called her and explained to her how that was totally not cool and how much respect I had towards people who serve, but that it wasn't my calling.
I told her that I was very disappointed that she faked an application just because she thought I'd have a better life! I cut all ties with her and had to explain to my uncles how this was all her idea, and to my surprise, two of them were going along with her. So I moved up North to get away from pretty much all my family.
TMI!woman in black long sleeve shirt covering her facePhoto by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash
My parents were way too open about the birds and the bees. Sex positivity should make you feel comfortable and safe; it shouldn't make you uncomfortable or be pushed on you when you aren't ready. I got a comprehensive talk when I was seven. My mom gave me an entire book and told me to tell her if I "had any questions", all because I asked what a word meant.
My mom asked me if I wanted any toys and gave my sister her USED ones. It was definitely unsanitary. My mom also smacked my booty a lot and told me I had a good body. It took a few years of asking her to stop in order for her actually to stop. She would interrupt my sister's dates when she was 14–16 years old to ask her if she needed protection.
That just made my sister feel pressured to use them, even if the date wasn't going in that direction. My dad was just plain gross about the subject too, but he never had talks exactly in the same detailed and crass way my mom did with me.