SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE

I used to work with a girl who was sweet but so dumb. We were in a meeting once and somehow someone mentioned baked ham. My manager said "Ugh I hate ham. It looks like human flesh."

The girl I mentioned was sitting next to me and looked horrified and whispered "Does ham really come from people?"

Ally862

When Your Motivational Math Is Off

My husband overheard this conversation by his two coworkers that sat next to him one day.

Woman #1 - I just feel like a complete loser. A total zero.

Woman #2 - Honey! I don't ever want you to feel like a zero. I want you to take that zero and I want you to times it by a million! Can you do that for me!!?

Woman #1 - yeah! I can do that. Thanks!

Took everything in my husband to keep a straight face.

AmyS14893

I Guess If You've Only Ever Heard The Word...

Went to a Catholic high school. In our morality class, we had to give presentations on different controversial topics like abortion, etc. Our teacher told us about one group of students she had a few years prior whose topic they were assigned was "euthanasia." They ended up giving an entire presentation on "youth in Asia."

(They didn't do it as a joke either - they genuinely thought that was the topic).

asking_4_a_fr1end

One Deity To Rule Them All

I am Lebanese and I know Arabic. Some people ask if I believe in God or Allah. I always pause thinking of a way to respond seeing as they are the same.

Allah just means god in [Arabic.]

WholesomeLebanese

The Jumps You Would Have To Make To Get To That Question...

Went to a high school that had a lot of kids that grew up on farms. As a fundraiser the Future Farmers of America club was having a Rocky Mountain oyster bake. One girl asked what that was and we told her cow testicles.

She then proceeded to ask how did those cows get in the ocean though.

whitepplloveranch

You Know That's What A Website Is For, Right?

I had a boss who asked me to print out our company website so she could read it.

Malterre

Retail Truly Reveals The Worst Of Humanity

This was my first experience in retail where I learned what many customers would be like.

Seasons were changing, so we put a lot of shirts we had to get rid of in the front and made them 50% off. I was working the register when a woman came up to buy her things. I rang her up and could see a look on her face like something was wrong. That's when the following happened.

Lady: "Why is this so much."

Me: "Pardon me?"

Lady: "This should only be $10 not $20."

I thought that maybe her item was on sale, so I asked if she could point out the sign because I wasn't aware of it. It was a small store and we didn't have to walk anywhere.

Lady: "This sign here."

Me: "This sign says that all shirts are 50% off."

Lady: "Yes, so why is this full price."

Me: "This is a hat."

AstaticDynamic

When The Advertising Is Almost TOO Good

I was friends with with a guy who believed those fake apple adverts like "Apple Wave - Microwave your phone for instant battery charge" I was so dumbfounded that he actually fell for it. When I saw him the week after and he had a new phone it all clicked for me

TheChosenOne118

The Air Doesn't Travel DOWN, Stupid.

Rescued a coworker on the side of the road with a flat tire, waiting for the tow truck, I pointed out the nail at the top of their tire. They scoffed and looked at me like I was the stupidest person in the world and exclaimed

that's not true bc it's flat at the bottom

I just walked away and never brought it up again

AliCracker

C'mon, Cousin It, Think About It For One Second...

I had to explain to a girl why you couldnt grow your hair down in front of your face and just cut out eye holes. Even explaining it her she couldnt grasp it and brushed me off as being "too smart."

Beef_Jumps

Wait For It...

I worked at a pet store in college. This customer asked me which food would make his pit bull "swole." I suggested a high protein food with a good amount of exercise but advised that a lot of it was determined by the dog's genetics.

He asked me if we sold genetics.

kolbyrdenham

If We Burn Down All The Rainforests...

We were in a class in middle school talking about rainforests and ways to prevent fires. One student said we should cut down the entire rainforest to stop fires from spreading and he 100% believed it was a good idea.

dubbs4president

That, Uh, Ah, No...

I've heard several people asking: How many Alaskan dollars is a US dollar worth?

Let's Count All Our Body Parts, Shall We?

I worked at a restaurant and we had a dish that was just a whole grilled chicken, chopped into pieces. A woman who ordered for delivery called us, absolutely scathing, complaining that her order of one whole chicken only contained TWO chicken breasts. Had to explain to grown a-- woman that chicken only have two breasts.

Edit: To clarify, the rest of the chicken was also there. She was just expecting more than two chicken breasts. She stated this clearly to both me and my manager, who she insisted she speak to over this inconvenience.

eeveion

Do You Need To Look Up What Cancelled Means?

Ex flatmate cancelled the gas and electricity contract because it was too expensive. Wondered why we had no more electricity nor gas.

She thought we paid 90€ a month to get a hotline 24/7 in case of problem.

saoirse_eli

They Must Be-Oh, They Weren't?

I got a concussion a while back. A friend of mine told me not to come close because it might be contagious.

They weren't kidding.

dwight12345

Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup.

I once worked in a midwestern grocery store deli and I was trying to explain to a woman that the name brand and generic brand of the macaroni salad that we carried were in fact identical. The woman yelled at me saying she could only have the generic brand because "one is made with mayo and the other is made with mayonnaise and I don't like mayo". When I tried to explain that mayo is an abbreviation of mayonnaise, she just said "I'm from the south, I know my food" and tutted away.

lauraligator

You Might Have Made A Stupid Move, But They Sound Just Plain DUMB

I locked my purse with my keys and cell phone in my apartment. I went to the office to ask maintenance to let me in. The woman at the desk said she would call maintenance and asked for a phone number they could reach me at. I said there wasn't one because my cell phone was locked in my apartment. She insisted she needed a number. I said I could give her the number but that I wouldn't be able to answer if they called. She suggested I get my phone out of my apartment so that I could answer when they called. I rolled my eyes at her and said if I could get in my apartment to get my cell phone I wouldn't need maintenance to let me in. She never did understand me. But maintenance did show up ten minutes later.

Update - since a lot of people are asking... You don't need a key to lock the door to the apartment, just to unlock it. On the way out the door, I turned the lock on the back of the doorknob and then pulled the door shut, locking the door. I had put my keys in my purse because I was also carrying a laptop bag and a few other things. I thought I picked up my purse with the other bags but I hadn't.

Yes, I know I was stupid for locking myself out.

Suzanne_Marie

A Truly Stupid, Heinous Act

Just now, about 30 minutes ago I learned that people in my workplace (it's a ND Paper Mill in Maine,) -are taking extras of the face masks that are provided by the company. -They aren't wearing them or using them, or even taking them for their families, they're taking them and throwing them out, on the grounds that if they get rid of them faster, then they won't have to wear them for as long.

That's right, while first responders and healthcare workers are dying, sometimes because they can't get the appropriate supplies, these a--holes are just taking face masks and throwing them out. It even got to the point, where a few employees rushed the temperature taking room, stole as many whole boxes of masks that they could carry, (50 masks per box,) and made a point of dumping them in the trash, in front of the person taking temperatures that day.

Because obviously we would never be able to....I don't know, order more?

I'm really disgusted by this. Aside from the blatant waste of resources, the bull-headed, close-minded idiocy is just unnecessary.

These are the same people who complain when the person taking temperatures takes off their face mask when there's no-one seeking access to the mill. Literally heard one of these people say that it wasn't right that the temperature taking person wasn't keeping the mill people safe.

I just really want to stress that these actions don't represent ALL of the employees at the mill, quite a lot of them are willingly/gladly in compliance with the face mask policy, it's just a select group of really special idiots being disrespectful and childish.

Belasrose

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