You know those days when you feel particularly passionate about something and you just need to let the world know?
Like that time you loved Tuscan Dairy Whole Vitamin D Milk so much that you needed to write a 48 line poem in the style of Edgar Allan Poe about it?
Well this guy does.
This poetic review was originally posted on Amazon.
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.
And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of many Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.
Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.
Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'
Praise be to Tuscan Dairy Whole Vitamin D Milk!
Hollywood really has made a mess of entertainment and storytelling.
And it doesn't have to be that way.
There are so many people with new, fresh ideas, yet they choose to keep redoing the same old. concepts.
The people want more and better and it is possible
Nobody needs 167 sequels done poorly!
Redditor MainCrab1383 wanted the entertainment industry to listen up!!
"What do you wish Hollywood would stop doing?"
I wish they would give more chances unknowns. Every known starts an unknown, you know.
It was already great!Behind The Scenes GIF by BET AwardsGiphy
"Remakes of good movies, I don’t understand why they remake good movies, when there are tons of flops that have potential, that they could remake."
"Characters getting punched multiple times in the face in 1 scene and having no signs of the trauma in the next scene."
"Or shot, but they remove the bullet in a dirty motel and sew it up with freaking twine and knitting needles so now it doesn’t hurt anymore and they can go fight more bad guys unencumbered."
"This reminded me of characters getting absolutely wasted then either being relatively sober in the next scene, or have no hangover the day after."
"Stop making films and TV shows that we cannot see because they are too dark and cannot hear what TF people are saying. That would be a good start."
"I honestly think some vfx engineers stuffed up and others thought it was a trend and continued to underexpose. Series 8 of game of Thrones was about 8 slightly diffident blank pixels running about the screen."
Fill her up!
"EMPTY CUPS. I hate seeing people holding cups and pretending to take drinks from obviously empty cups. Their hands never move right, or if it’s an open cup, you can literally see that it’s empty."
"They move their hand way too fast! It's like they don't even know they're supposed to be pretending it has liquid inside."
Not a 10Interested Saturday Night Live GIF by HULUGiphy
"Casting attractive people in ‘ugly’ roles."'
"Like when the obviously gorgeous person gets a makeover."
Casting is subjective... so they say.
Save Them!Season 5 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Showing incorrect CPR."
"Just do what the AED tells you to do. No thinking required."
"Forcing a love story that makes no sense in a movie that has nothing to do with romance."
"Long kisses in the middle of a 'we're running out of time' scene. We gotta save the world, but let me take my time to say goodbye/goodluck first."
"Long kisses after a death defying scene. Sure, kissing is what they do next."
Makes no Sense
"Having a main character whose job/income level does not match their home or lifestyle at all."
"I was about to say that Charlie’s shi**y apartment in 'It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia' is the one exception to that rule I can think of. But oddly enough his roommate, Frank, is a millionaire."
"Supposedly when they started making Big Bang Theory they tried putting them in a realistic apartment, and it made it really depressing."
"Adapting stuff into live-action movies when they should really be animated. Examples include upcoming Mega Man, Pac-Man and Minecraft movies which are ALL set to be live-action."
"I had no idea that any of these movies were in the works. Pac-Man will be half CGI, NO doubt. Going the Sonic route. Unless they literally just have it as an inspiration, and it's just a guy in yellow running away from ghosts in a labyrinth."
"Minecraft? Well, everyone will watch it, so I'm sure they don't care if it's good. But it's clearly going to focus on Steve building a nether portal and trying to kill a f**king dragon. Mega-Man? Yeah, I can see that working live action. Oh wait, it's a Netflix Original? Yeah, no. That's going to be absolute trash."
ID please?Beverly Hills 90210 90S GIFGiphy
"Casting 35 year olds as high schoolers."
"Can we add casting 16-18 year olds to play 11 year olds?! Priah Ferguson was 16 when she played 11 year old Erica Sinclair in Stranger Things season 4. WTH!?"
Lord Hollywood has a lot of work to do!
What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
Time is not always a friend.
It can systematically destroy everything.
Or is that just humans abusing time?
Everything does degrade naturally...
"What has consistently been getting shi**ier?"
Life in general. Life has gotten worse. Not to be a downer. What happened?
Falling ApartSunny Day Help GIFGiphy
"My health as I get older. People aren’t kidding when they say 'I turned X age and started falling apart' it actually happens."
"Yeah it used to be all about sharing stuff with your friends. Now it’s all about trying to keep your eyes on it as long as possible so they can show you more ads. The social networks that are about sharing stuff and the actual content either get acquired or die."
"T-shirts. It used to be that you would get a t-shirt and it would last you literally decades. Almost more importantly in my opinion, the shirt also had some 'structure' and shape to it. Now t-shirts are thin, flimsy, and formless. I feel like I’m wearing an undershirt or a pajamas shirt."
"I should note that around the time t-shirts got sh*ttier, all the t-shirt brands started advertising 'THIS IS THE SOFTEST T-SHIRT EVER.'"
"I’m 99% sure the whole 'softness' marketing was to distract customers from the fact that the fabric got thinner and cheaper. Because although the flimsy fabric is legitimately very soft, 'this shirt is not soft enough' was never a complaint I had with old t-shirts."
"Advertisements. Not only the quality of advertisements, but frequency has skyrocketed. For example, when you watch a basketball game, these MFs put an ad in between free throw attempts. Everything is presented by Company XYZ, everything has some sort of advertisement connected to it, and it is infuriating."
Bad IdeaFast Food GIF by jjjjjohnGiphy
"Fast food. It was always bad for you, but now it doesn't taste as good either, and is more expensive, on top of being bad for you."
Remember when Burger King was only like a dollar? What happened?
DowngradeMoving Season 3 GIF by VidaGiphy
"The quality of furniture. Unless you want to spend $10k, you cant really get something that will last 50+ years."
"Halloween Decorations. Used to be able to buy metal gates, concrete/plaster tombstones, and many other creative decorations that would last you several years - maybe even decades. Now all you can get are flimsy styrofoam and plastic tombstones meant to last only one Halloween (looking at you, Spirit Halloween)."
Try to buy...
"It's ridiculous. Our rent keeps going up, so my husband just said 'Screw it, let's move in with my dad for a year or so to save.' Thankfully he was cool with it, because we seriously never have any extra to save! I don't know how people without help can do it. Rent is so expensive it's impossible to save the money needed to buy a house!"
“the old days”
"Life and perception. As i get older and learn more I consistently yearn for 'the old days' but I’m not actually yearning for old days… I’m merely wishing I could go back to when I didn’t know anything about how life and the world actually operates. Youthful perception is usually more optimistic."
Mainstream DownFound Footage Video GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy
"Mainstream network television programing."
"I swear to God, at work, most of the crap on TV is either a mediocre drama show about a government organization or firefighters, cringe a** news stations like Inside Edition, game shows or generic 'talk' shows that feel more like advertisements."
Oh, the good ole days. What happened?
When it comes to naming children, there are all kinds of different approaches.
Some parents like to honor the legacy of a late relative, while there are those who prefer naming their baby after a revered fictional character–"Luke" (Skywalker) being one of them.
But let's be honest. Baby naming can get way out of hand, and it's the child who becomes a victim by having to live with a name they might get teased for...like "Blanket."
Curious to hear examples of what some of those might be, Redditor Sarah_Trekkie asked:
"What are some of the craziest baby names you’ve personally been witness to?"
Pity these children with these unfortunate names.
The Three Hs
"Well they weren't babies, but at the summer camp where I worked this summer. 3 brothers: Honor, Heritage, and believe it or not, Henceforth. I felt a little bad for those kids."
"The manager at a shop near me is named Goodenough."
In Case You Missed It A Second Time
"Coworker grew up with a girl named Kelly Kelly Kelly."
"Jam Metallica for a baby girl."
Drugs and babies just shouldn't mix.
"I work in child welfare and it’s actually more common than you would think for someone to name their child after a drug or strand of drug they were using at the time. So with that information, MF Pitbull and Knucklehead were the two that I saw that were pretty bad. Another sad fact is when a child is immediately removed from a family (they have already been proven not to be fit parents) they’ll give them the name Baby Boy/Girl or Infant until they’re adopted."
"Edit: at the time = time of conception"
"Edit edit: 'they' as in the nursing staff, the birth parents often aren’t coherent enough or don’t care to give a name."
Out With The Old In With The New
"I summer nannied for two kids, siblings who had been adopted by a wonderful woman who immediately changed their given names, which were Crystal and Rocky."
"Edited to add that both babies were born addicted to meth. Forgot that little nugget."
It gets worse.
Going By A Gender
"Boy. True story."
What A Pair
"Noodles and papoose."
"I heard these 2 magical names uttered in a single sentence by a woman. 'Noodles! Put papoose down!'"
"Thunderbird, Winter Star, Rainbow, Baby Girl."
"Culturally not that weird, but day to day life outside of the Rez, strong names to live with."
"I met a young man named Jor-El."
"Yes, as in Jor-El, father of Kal-El who became Superman on Earth."
"Were they a clone?"
"Nah, just a carbon copy."
The Pressure Is On
"I was at the park with my nephew last week and a woman started calling for her son to get off the swings. His name was Messiah. That seems like a lot to live up to!"
I would have to say one of the craziest names I've heard of was Otis Payne.
The names individually are actually pretty cool, but when you slap them together and say the full name, well, I can only imagine the amount of jokes this person had to endure.
He probably lost track of the number of times they saw someone doubling over in fake distress–clenching at a problematic part of their body–and saying his full name in jest.
We get it, we get it, "Oh this pain!"
With so many streaming platforms and too many recommendations to watch your friends' favorite shows, how do you prioritize what shows to watch?
Those who can afford to sit in front of the TV all day–because that is the commitment it takes to start making a dent in your viewing playlist–must choose wisely in determining which shows to start binging.
If a show fails to grab your attention from the get go, you might be prone to ditch it and go on to the next one on the list.
The risk of course is you might be missing out on something that is worth sitting through the slow-burn, exposition-y episodes of a show that is trying to establish itself at the beginning but becomes wildly rewarding towards the end.
But who has time for all that?
Apparently, there were many TV show viewers whose patience ran thin.
To find out what shows strangers online thought was not worth their time, Redditor itsamu asked:
"What TV series isn't worth finishing?"
You would think fantasy and action shows can sustain your attention, but they're not all created the same.
Not Having The Time For This One
"Once upon a time. It literally repeats the entire first season’s plot."
"I'm the fastest man alive. Except for the main villain of this season. And the random guy I'm chasing who escaped around the corner of the building, despite the fact I can search an entire square mile in under a minute. Nah, he's gone, no need to check."
One Strong Season
"Heroes. Watch the first season, and then stop."
Can't Kill What's Already Dead
"The walking dead, gave up a while ago. Don't even know if it has finished or not yet."
The Outlook Was Already...
"Grimm. Started off so good, just got worse and worse and worse."
Getting Straight To The Point
"Arrow. It ends at season 2, ya hear me? SEASON TWO!"
Many Redditors recommended cutting the length of a TV season by half.
Wrap It Up
"We really should have more limited series. Some shows have premises that are good for a season or two that get ruined by dragging it out for multiple seasons."
The Brits Get It
"Watch more British shows. Fewer episodes generally so they don’t as often run out of ideas or go off the rails. Fleabag for example, two perfect seasons and done."
Even people who enjoy the pacing of dramas found some in the genre quite tedious.
That Final Season
"House of cards. Just stop watching on the last episode of the penultimate season and pretend the last one is still in the works. The last season is insulting on so many levels."
You Gotta Be Toking
"Weeds. Good for the first three seasons or so. Really f'king comes off the rails after that."
They May Have A Case Here
"Suits. It becomes very repetitive after a while."
"Worst Finale Ever"
"The last couple seasons of Castle were garbage. The finale was the worst finale in the history of finales. Yes even worst than GoT and HIMYM. Such a disgrace for a show that used to be cute, fun and sharply written. I can’t even bring myself to watch marathons when they are on and it was one of my favorite shows when it first started."
I'm probably in the minority here but I had to give up on Game of Thrones by the end of its first season.
I think I was expecting more fantasy and dragons straight away, but as I waited for more action, I found myself losing interest in the characters and patience in keeping track of who was related to whom.
So I put a pin in it and started watching other shows.
When I heard about fans complaining about the letdown of an ending, that was enough for me to remove it from my list permanently.
Hey, to each their own.