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Thanks to Isabella L. at darkastrology for breaking down the zodiac for us.
Check out her site for more awesome content.

Aries

is the baby of the family. They cant stop screaming, cant stop crying, and they never sleep. When theyre upset, everyone must be upset too. Nevertheless theyre very charming and always get their way with people.


Taurus

is your aunt in her mid-thirties with no kids. She has flings sometimes, but she prefers the lack of emotional attachment. She looks like shes still in her twenties and works from home since cooking and gardening are her true loves.


Gemini

is your seven year old nephew. He comes home from school and hes so excited to share his newfound knowledge with his family. He wears glasses and has a chipped tooth, because hes always pulling dumb stunts. He gets straight As on his report card, but his teacher always complains about him talking too much.


Cancer

is the newly-wed, pregnant mom. Shes hormonal, shes flushed, and shes stressed, but shes so full of life. Shes got a lot going on and she manages to keep it together. She loves children and baking, and she gives the best advice.



Leo

is your 14-year old cousin. Hes caught between worlds. On one side hes selfish and arrogant and a brat, and on the other hes kind and protective. He wears a mask of confidence while the world beneath him is changing.


Virgo

is the tired, single mother of many. Her patience is worn thin and she swears shes cleaned this bathroom more than three times today. Before being wound so tightly, she was a writer living a fantasy life, but she preferred independence.


Libra

is your 19 year old cousin you see at your family reunion and you ask her for makeup advice. Shes nice on the surface but with a biting sarcasm to boot. Shes never dated anyone for very long, she cant seem to make up her mind.


Scorpio

is your 21 year old brother of your cousin. Hes got dark eyes and hes trying to get into med school despite him nearly flunking freshman year. You ask him about his friends, and he says he doesnt have many. Hes too busy chasing down his dreams to try to make up for the past.



Sagittarius

is your family friend that says he hasnt seen you since you were a wee child. Hes brought you some obscure artifact from his latest travels which youre pretty sure he obtained illegally. He later proceeds to get drunk and offer you marijuana.


Capricorn

is your stern grandmother. Shes raised many kids under her iron hand. Shes tough but fair. Shell always have cookies when you come over but shell reprimand you for having too many. When she was younger, she was a successful, self-made businesswoman.


Aquarius

is your 30 year old brother. He never had much motivation, but earns a decent living from being a writer and blogger. Hes the funniest guy in your family, if anyone could ever understand his jokes. He keeps trying to talk to you about how 9/11 was an inside job, and you try to explain memes to him.


Pisces

is your 18 year old sister. She just transferred colleges and decided she needed a change. Shes constantly cutting and dyeing her hair in attempts to find her real self. She drinks tons of tea and is vegan, but youre pretty sure she still eats Chicken Nuggets.


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