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People Explain Whether They Think Cheaters Will Always Cheat Again

People Explain Whether They Think Cheaters Will Always Cheat Again
Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

You want to look for the best in people.

Knowing someone who once cheated on their significant other in a past relationship, or maybe this individual even cheated on you, can be a difficult thing to look past. There might always be that seed of doubt in your heart, knowing they can flip a switch and emotionally or physically break their bond with you again.

Or maybe you're capable of giving that trust over, knowing people can learn from their mistakes.

Always good to see what the internet has to say.


Reddit user, rachael_0898, wanted to know your opinion on a tricky matter when they asked:

"Do you think once a cheater always a cheater? Why or why not?"

Look for the best in all of humanity.

If someone made a mistake, that doesn't damn them for the rest of time, does it?

Life Is Not Black And White

"No. Life is more complex than a binary on/off truism like that. And people change. You are not the same person you were when you were 8, or 12 or 20. You grew, you learned lessons, you grew some more."

"You will not be the same person when you are 60. This definitely means you live and learn. Not everyone will, but to assume nobody does is wrong."

Metatron_Fallen

Depends On The Situation, Obviously

"It really depends on the situation. I cheated because I was in a sexually and mentally abusive relationship. I would try to leave him but the he would threaten to leak my nudes or off himself if I did. So I did the only thing I could think of to be happy. But I’m now in a healthy, loving relationship, and cheating never crosses my mind."

BlaineNicolai02

You Better Be Ready To Live With The Consequences

"No, not necessarily, but the stigma is deserved. You can grow and change, but you hurt someone and there are subsequent consequences for hurting people."

buttnutbutter

"You may never cheat again, but you will never have the chance to cheat on me again."

xFiDgetx

"Exactly. I'm glad for the people who learn and grow and whatever, but I don't have to take that baggage on. I'd leave a dating relationship for cheating, but truly picturing ending my marriage if he had a one-time physical cheating episode (emotional affair is very different, I'd leave for that), is a lot less black and white than I'd like it to be"

abqkat

Hopefully You Learn And Grow

"I cheated on my boyfriend when I was 15-16 years old. Even lied about it and didn’t had the balls to speak up. We stayed together and eventually 1 1/2 years later I broke the silence and told him the truth that he knew for a long time already. Since then, I never lied in my life again and stayed honest. I couldn’t cheat on anyone anymore or wouldn’t want to - so in my case I learned my lesson and sometimes I can’t even apologise for my behaviour back then. But my boyfriends from later ages told me you were young and that’s okay! Hope that helps."

Sarcasmgurl_

Once Is Fine. Twice? You're Pushing It.

"No, if they do it twice tho, thats when they're always a cheater"

bl4ckp00lzz

"That's the way I look at it. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how you learn and grow from the experience. Someone who cheated once, was remorseful, and was able to understand the hurt they did may not cheat again. But once someone cheats a second time, it strikes me as those things not mattering, so that boundary is never established."

DisturbedNocturne

Hoping For Future Clarity

"As someone who cheated on a partner, I sure hope not. I live with the guilt to this day, and I know I’ll never be forgiven for such actions. I moved on and wish her the absolute best. Last I heard she was getting married and is happy. I’ve learned my lesson and don’t think I can bring myself to bear that burden twice over."

JimmyCheezSneez

Give Everyone A Shot, But If That Doesn't Work, Then...Revenge?

"Essentially, mistakes are the most effective moments of learning, factoring in neural plasticity and growth mindset, people are very capable of reflective change. Assuming that the person cheating feels that way about it - they might just be trying to have a cake and eat it too, in which case, f-ck their dad."

iammeanbecauseiamsad

Is It The Person Or The Relationship?

"I think that within the context of that relationship, probably. But not forever in all relationships. Unfortunately, forgiveness can also be permission. If the relationship ends, they’ll probably think twice next time in another relationship bc they will have experienced the consequences"

Easteuroblondie

And then there's that old saying: once a cheater, always a cheater.

Doesn't Sound Like This Dude Wants To Be Married

"Yes, or the tendencies will always be there. I know a guy who has cheated on his wife 8 times in 20 years of marriage. He cheated on her with my friend who also cheated on every guy she had been with"

carsonlittle

Trust That Leopard To Change Their Spots?

"'Always' is a strong word, nothing in life is going to be 100% black or 100% white especially not humans who's behavior can change randomly due to getting older or new experiences or whatever else.......but I would also say that cheating on your partner willingly does show a lot about that person personality as a whole, and I wouldn't gamble my chances on a person suddenly changing their personality just because I want it. Chances of that happening are much lower than chances of it not happening , so I say "presume that they most likely wont change" and go from there."

potatoslasher

You Won't Even Get A Chance

"Yes. I won't start a relationship if I knew this person cheated."

CountFocus

You Pass A Certain Threshold

"I feel there’s a certain age/time in life where if you have cheated, you have a WAY higher chance of doing it again. Young people mess up, adults should know better."

TZFaro

"I feel like so many teenagers don’t even know what love is so that chase anything that seems like"

rachael_0898

"Agreed. Once you get to that 25 mark, it stops being a youthful mistake and starts becoming a pattern of sh-tty behavior."

Ducks-Dont-Exist

You Had All The Time In The World To Grow

"Probably not always. But recent experience with my now ex would say yes. She cheated on her first bf when she was 19. She then walked in on her next bf cheating on her at 22 after being with him for 2 years so she knows how it feels to be cheated on. She was then single for 7 years and met me at 29. She cheated on me after 15 months living together. She had years to grow up in between and still cheated 10 years after doing it the first time, while also knowing how much it hurts. So in her case at least, she certainly is."

Electronic-Skirt5951

It's Mental Before Physical

"People cheat with their minds before they cheat with their... other parts, so it seems to be an attitude, an outlook on life. That makes behavior decidedly difficult to change. I'm a really good liar if you want to know if those jeans make you butt look fat, but if it's important and you have a right to know - I can't lie worth sh*t. To cheat or not to cheat: easy decision for me."

Rick2L

You Can Never Go Back

"Yes, mostly because in my almost 50 years, I've seen it play out repeatedly in just one of two ways..."

  1. "The cheater cheats again."
  2. "The cheater doesn't cheat again, but the partner is always suspicious of everything the other does because the trust was lost."

"Honestly, I wouldn't want to live with either of those scenarios. I'd rather be alone."

SuchLovelyLilacs

They Say They Can Change, But You Know Better

"This post will probably be buried but my first boyfriend cheated on me in high school after being together for 2 years. Then he started dating someone new a year later and was seriously committed to her for all of 5 minutes. He was secretly cheating on her with dozens of girls: one night stands, classmates, random encounters, some regulars... any chance he got. His girlfriend found out a couple of times and he would cry and beg her to not leave him. She stayed and he continued his ways. They had been together for about 4 or 5 years."

"During this period, he was regularly sleeping with a girl from his college, he used to joke about how ugly she is and he can't get her off his back. Suddenly, he ended up knocking her up, having a child, turning religious and getting married within the year. He lost touch with most of his friends and moved away - very weird situation. In his case - I do believe once a cheater always a cheater simply because he couldn't help himself."

POded99

Over 30? That's Who You Are.

"Everyone I know who cheats still cheats on their new s.o.(s)"

"People don't change much once they hit the 30 year old mark if they aren't active in bettering them self. They stay the same no matter how much they 'swear' they've 'changed'."

FNKTN

Trust Your Gut. Don't Get Taken.

"Everyone is different"

"When I was 17 I got drunk and cheated on my gf with a girl I had a crush on for a long ass time. It was horrible, I hated myself for doing it, and I've never even come close to cheating ever again."

"In my 30s, my fiance and I had two kids (one was mine, the other was from her previous relationship but the kid called me dad and for all intents and purposes I was). We had a house together. Were building a future together. The thing I liked the most about her was I always felt like she was going to be loyal..."

"A few months before our wedding, I found out she was banging a guy she worked with. Total pos too (33 felony charges, face tattoos, no car, lived at home with his mom, etc.)"

"Kicked her out of the house, but a year later I decided to give her another chance because I wanted to give my son a life with mom and dad together. Long story short, she was talking to and hanging out with multiple guys and lying to me about it."

"Tldr: everyone is different, and some people can cheat once and never again. But there's a very good chance a cheater will cheat again"

CerealKiller3030

Always consider a person's past when looking ahead to the future you might be sharing with them.

Consider what kind of trust you're willing to give, and how much you're willing to lose if that individual ends up cheating again.

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.