Be careful of the things you know you shouldn't be doing. There is always a chance someone will find out.
No matter how hard anyone tries, sending naughty pictures over the internet or doing the nasty with someone you're not supposed to, could be witnessed by anyone just inconveniently stumbling upon the scene.
Curious to hear about accidental sightings of stealth happenings, Redditor PMForDickGraysonPics asked:
"What did you see that you definitely weren't supposed to see?"
Nudies
These Redditors happened upon some revealing images involving scantily-clad women.
What Mom Did
"One time I was up late at night scrolling Facebook at the same time as my drunk married mother who was an entire timezone away at the time. She was messaging an old fling from high school while her husband was away at work and was sending him close up pictures of her vagina. How I know this is because she didn't send them via messenger, SHE POSTED THEM ON HER ACTUAL FACEBOOK PAGE. I had to call her in the middle of the night in her zonked out stupor to get her password to delete pictures off her own Facebook page."
Retrospective Look
"Was fixing an elderly neighbor's laptop that had nudes of his wife on the desktop with the thumbnails at maximum size. It's like he wanted me to see them. I will say though, she had a bangin' bod for a woman in her 70s. I think it's safe to say he thought the same."
The Moaning Woman
"In my high school Spanish class, our teacher had taped (VHS) a telenovela for us to watch. When she put the VHS tape in, there was about .25 seconds of a porno that played...a topless woman moaning. Out of a class of around 30 kids, only about 5 of us looked around at each other and locked eyes with a 'did anyone else just see that?! look. Our teacher must have taped over an old porno VHS of hers."
Cheaters And Sex
Spotted: People seeking intimacy with people they aren't supposed to – or in one case, where they shouldn't.
No-So Clandestine Meeting
"Was working at a hotel during college and saw my lab partner get a room with the professor."
The Secret
"My dad gave me a piece of furniture one time. When I got it home, a post-it note which had been stuck to the bottom floated down to the floor. I picked it up, and in my dad's unmistakable handwriting were various notes about gay personal ads he'd been responding to -- details about the other guys. Their names and ages and sexual interests, the status of their conversations, etc. My dad was, at least I thought, very straight. I put two and two together and realized this piece of furniture was from an apartment he kept briefly while he and my stepmom were on the outs for about a year. None of this bothered me one bit, but I got the distinct impression that my stepmom (an older, very conservative lady) would have NOT been cool with any of this... I let him go to his grave without ever telling him."
Revealing Correspondence
"When I was still married, my (then) wife had left her phone on to run to the bathroom while I was in bed, I looked at it for the time, and found it was left open to a secret Gmail account she was using for sending literally hundreds of nudes back and forth between many many dudes. For years. Up to that night while she was fully 6 months pregnant. Mostly original stuff too. I think that hurt more."
Unfaithful Girlfriend
"The night I learned my ex gf was cheating, she just got up from the couch to kill a bug and left her phone face up on the couch with Snapchat open. The chat had a picture of her boobs and some sexting replies from the guy. My heart dropped down to my butt. Man, cheaters suck"
Nature Love
"I was hiking in a forest with some friends, and as we continued on the trail, the mound of rocks on our right side opened up to more forest. Myself and one of my friends were leading the other two by a couple of yards, and we both briefly saw a couple having sex several hundred feet into the forest on that right side. My friend and I gave each other that 'did you see that sh*t too?' look. By the time my other friends caught up the couple had split and we couldn't see them anymore. It was like 2pm in broad daylight off of a main road, which was the weirdest part."
Grim Sightings
The following Redditors shared the things they saw not involving nudity.
Eternal Slumber
"Bout 5 years old woke up to the snow finally starting to melt. Notice a girl 'asleep' in the garden. Went a told my dad, he took one look and told me to go play in my room. Turns out girl had been 'asleep' in our front garden for about 2 weeks buried and frozen under the snow."
Fatal Accident
"Saw a man crash his motorcycle into the back of a parked car. He flipped over the car hitting his head on the pavement and dying on scene. Firefighters showed up and sprayed his brains and blood down the storm drain. Later found out it was a girls father who I went to middle school with. I was 12."
Watery Grave
"Human bones in the bottom of a cenote in the yucatan of Mexico. Dad told me to stfu and not swim in that area anymore."
I didn't necessarily see it with my own eyes but I heard two of my friends going at it behind the backs of their respective significant others.
They probably thought I was passed out. News flash: I wasn't.
I, unfortunately, was sharing a room with them and another friend. He and I woke up to sounds moaning in the bed next to us, and I'm pretty sure our friend wasn't giving her a massage.
"After a recent study found 1 in 8 men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals "just in case", what's your experience with this?"
Select Crowd...
"I went to my grandma's funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse."
"Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin."
'You know who shows up at funerals for old people? "
"Family members."- bumblef**kglobal
"I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral."
"Immediately thought was I should chat her up."
"Then my brain went to, 'What if she's family and we just never met?'"
"I just went back to mourning."- VideoGameDana
Okay then...
"Once I was dating a girl whose dad absolutely forbid us from dating."
"Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate."
"She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture."
"He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral."
"My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home."
"Condom was necessary."- crunchysquare
car studio GIF by ZI ItalyGiphyNever The Funeral, Always The Wake
"Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes."
"In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself."
"So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case."
"I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation."- Goryokaku
Oops...
"Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp."
"But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong."
"Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night."
"Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? )."
"Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people."- ESQBOJaguar
If You Really Think About It...
"Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary."
"Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion."
"Socially speaking, some people, both men and women, seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation."- KURO-K1SH1
Season 18 Episode 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyBetter Safe Than Sorry!
"If you forget to bring a condom you increase the chance of casual sex with 10.000%."
"It’s a well-known fact."- Mukkeman
Not Just Men...
"I'm not a man and I've taken condoms 'just in case' pretty much anywhere."
"I've told folks to take condoms 'just in case' to a festival who I was sure would never have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman."
"It's a safety."
"The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somehow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility."
"Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day, and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom."
"And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolutely sure of that."-deterministic_lynx
It Is, Indeed, A Source Of Comfort...
"I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief affects everyone differently."
"Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here."
"Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically to a funeral makes perfect sense to me."- Sexy-Snowflake
"My bf's son died, and his sex drive was significantly higher around that time period, I think it's just a way men deal with stress."- Arielxxxlee
Sexy Ava Gardner GIF by Turner Classic MoviesAlways Listen To Your Mother...
"When I turned 15 my mom told me to always have a condom in my wallet just in case."
"That was before people realized it was really bad to keep it in your wallet."
"So yeah I’ve been pretty much everywhere with one 'just in case'."- euphoria110
If It's Already There, Why Take It Out?
"I do too."
"I'm not going to remove the random condom that is in my wallet just because I'm going to a funeral."
"Not that I ever needed one, I'm still a virgin BTW."- azarbi
When One Life Ends, Another Begins...
"I’ve heard that the proximity of death increases the desire to make new life."
"Anecdotally, my FIL and MIL met at a funeral and 9 months later my husband was born."- KerouacsGirlfriend
Lionel Messi Hug GIF by FC BarcelonaGiphyNot SPECIFICALLY Funerals...
"We bring condoms everywhere, 'just in case', not only the funeral, you silly!"- WeetIkVeelNL
No one should be judged if they happen to have a condom with them when attending a funeral.
After all, should the moment arise, better to be prepared and safe.
On the other hand, if any of these people are attending the funeral with the intention of "getting lucky", that's just... yeah...
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.