Aging is DOPE, y'all.
I know we were all sold this idea that youth was where it's at, but trust me—we were lied to.
There is something so freeing about aging, and I'm not about to let anyone lie to the young'uns about that anymore.
The best part, BY FAR, is the way that all your f*cks just seem to just evaporate into the breeze like seawater, leaving behind only salt.
So much salt.
It's awesome.
Reddit user Gourmet-Guy asked:
"What gets less important the older you get?"
Listen folks, there are so many things you get to no longer care about when you get older that it's honestly kind of exciting.
I'm sincerely looking forward to bring one of those fearless old ladies who beats up criminals with their ridiculously giant purse, or has deadly chancla aim even though she's been blind and deaf for 5 years. You'd better believe she turns into some sort of mystic seer when you put a flip flop in her hand, though.
She gives so few f*cks about anything that her mind is clear and she can be one with the universe. Just guided by the spirit of chancletazos...
That's where I'm trying to be, but I'm not there yet. I know because I still sort of care about one or two things on this list.
Do You Like Me?
"Being liked."
"I find that the older I get, the less random acquaintances like me; but the more my friends and loved ones DO like me."
"I stopped trying to be likable and just decided to be me instead."
- brokenhippie91
"Same, also the less friends I need. Just a few good mates that are trustworthy is enough."
- Specialist_Prompt_54
"THIS! And it's crazy how fast a change like this can take place as well."
"I'm a senior in college now. Less than four years ago I was running around trying to befriend as many people as possible just to see what would stick, now I'm pretty happy with my little group."
"A possible downside of this is that meeting new people seems kind of tiring in certain situations, but that's really on a case-by-case basis."
- hammalamamba
Giphy
Late Nights
"I used to like staying up late. Now I get excited to go to sleep."
- BjornBeetleBorg
"All of our childhood punishments have become our life goals."
"Going to bed early."
"Not leaving my house. (I pay the mortgage, I'm damn well going to get my money's worth.)"
"Not going to 'that' party."
- throwawayspank1017
"The absolute joy I get going to sleep by 9 so that I can get up at 4am, work out for 1.5 hours and still have so much extra time before I go to work is unparalleled by anything I did when I was young."
- Reality_Gatekeeper
"It's also enjoyable to be up fully rested, properly breakfasted and with chores, exercise or some form of entertainment already behind you while the rest of society groans and fumbles for their alarms."
"There's also a special appeal to the hours when everyone else is still in bed. It's almost like the world is yours for that brief period of time."
- Good_Dog_Almighty
Giphy
What's Cooler Than Being Cool?
"Being cool."
"One of the most liberating things about getting older is you can just do your own thing without caring if it's trendy or not."
- DeathSpiral321
"Just started skateboarding again and I'm going full dork mode with a helmet, wrist pads, knee pads, and I plan on getting elbow pads and even hip pads when I start trying to learn to skate on bowls and mini ramps."
- evil_con_carne
"This. I started college quite a bit later than most and was worried that I'd never finish my degree. So I went all in and decided I still wanted a 'normal' college experience, living in the dorms at 25."
"It was so easy to pick out the kids who still clearly cared not only about being cool, but being POPULAR, bless their little hearts..."
"They were all so exhausted."
- Famous-Honey-9331
Giphy
Age
"The age of your friends."
"When you're 20, hanging out with a 30-year old is a bit weird. When you're 30, hanging out with 40-year olds is normal."
- DomDeLaweeze
"I have a friend who's the same age as my father. I routinely forget she's not my age cause she's such a cool person."
"Not to say my dad isn't cool. My dad rocks and he's the coolest person I know. But there's always that mentality of wow he's so much older than me because he's my parent."
- TheRedMaiden
"Cuz when we're younger, even a few years makes a huge difference in our thinking."
"Like when you're younger than 20, maybe 15? Even a 5 year old difference, that is, hanging out with a 10 year old is weird."
- Working_Ad168
It's Not All Treasure
"Physical possessions."
"When you're a child, everything you own is a treasure. When you're an adult, it starts turning into junk."
- Sharrakor
"As you get older, only certain things are treasures. And that's only because you get certain joys out of them."
- Anjunagasm
"Exactly this."
"I see physical possessions as something I have to make space for, deal with, and maintain. Honestly it's not worth the energy to have more stuff if I don't need it and absolutely love it."
"Less really is more. Less makes lazy me happier."
- fivesforeveryone
"I am so excited about my stuff! It's not junk because I put thought into all of it and it's all mine. It's also part of getting older."
"I am so jazzed that I bought a new washer and dryer set! I could get whichever one *I* wanted."
"My set needed replaced so I splurged and got a Wi-Fi enabled LG matching set. So happy about it, too!"
- PC509
Giphy
Going Out? No Thanks.
"Needing to go out to do stuff. Fireplace, movie, spouse, good movie, comfy couch = happiness."
- angeltati
"I hate going places. God forbid I have to ever stand in a line."
"My wife and I, when we do decide to go somewhere, go on weekdays when it's not as busy. I feel like such a grumpy old man lol."
"I can't wait to be home most of the time that I'm out and about."
- PD216ohio
"This 100%."
"Sit outside at night with a cup of hot chocolate watching the sky. Stay inside and play games or do a puzzle. Reading."
- Electrical-Pie-8192
Giphy
As People
"What kinds of cars people drive, what kinds of homes/apts/condos they live in, what brands of clothes they wear, what kinds of new electronic technologies they have . . ."
". . . instead, I care a lot more about how they are as people. "
"Are they kind? Are they honest? Are they interested in the world and making some kind of contribution to it? Are they interesting and true to themselves?"
- RandomInternetLady
Giphy
It Works Fine
"Keeping up with new tech and apps."
"I'm at a point where what I already have works fine for what I use it for and I don't care enough to upgrade or learn how the newest thing works."
- PeterBernsteinSucks
"My phone is going on 40 months old (longest I've ever had one last, wish I could get another Note 9 when it dies lol)."
"When I get a new one, it will be top of the line, but only because I don't have the patience for slow stuttering cheap technology. And usually the more you spend, the longer it lasts."
"Beyond that... For status? For bragging rights? For that old itch I used to have for always having the best? None of that drives me anymore."
"Function > form."
- legacyweaver
Giphy
Looks
"Looks."
"I'm not being cheesy here: when I was a teenager, you really had to look a certain way for any guy to go out with you. They wouldn't dare to admit that they liked a chubby girl or one without a typical sense of fashion."
"When you get older of course looks still matter, but people are a lot more forgiving! There's a whole wide world out there full of people with different tastes."
"I was so surprised with how easy it was for me to get dates in my twenties."
- DameDrunkenTheTall
Giphy
Just A Job
"Work."
"First company I worked there 14 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to 'get ahead.' "
"Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door."
"Had enough. Found another job, swore I would never work that hard for a company that could care less about me again. Lied to self."
"Second company I worked there 17 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to 'get ahead.' "
"Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door."
"People I worked with, went to war with, spoke to every single day for years- I never heard from them again after I left."
"Both of these companies replaced me the day I left and never looked back. It was like I was never there."
"The only thing that is important is your family."
"A job is just a job."
- Beths_Titties
Giphy
Have you found yourself no longer caring about the stuff on this list?
Or are you still hung up on a few things? What sorts of things have you stopped caring about?
Sound off, folks!
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- People Break Down The Things They're Waiting To Do Until They're Older - George Takei ›
- People Describe The Clear Signs That They're Getting Older - George Takei ›
Intruder
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2
Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphyUncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42
Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphyA near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- Applesintheorchard
Dog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphyHad no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy Hours
Fail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
kirkl3s
You're Out!
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
kennsing75
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
DaniTheLovebug
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
HighlyOffensive10
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
Bromelia_and_Bismuth
I'm Hungry
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
stinky_cheese33
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
thedankbank1021
Too much stress...
Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
TomoyoHoshijiro
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Too
will birth control GIFGiphy"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
this_is_lune
Hard Hours
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
Clingitty
Green Thumbed
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
kjhvm
Heartless
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
Zfullz
No Fun Involved
Angry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
SubiWhale
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is Hardio
GIF by VIASWEATGiphy"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
- [Reddit]
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
- notanotherbreach
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
- k_g94
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
-[Reddit]
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
- PoiLethe
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
- J09Lynn
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
- wheredMyArmourGo
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
- Pauliester
Growing Pains
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
- Individual_Ad_7523
Two Volcanos
rachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
- Queen-of-meme
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
- Local_Masterpiece_
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
- PleasuredMeatStick
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
- LuckyBugHarley
Technological Advancements
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
- IAmNotLookingatYou
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
- Object_Prize
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
- AbbyNormalKnits
Double Trouble
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
- BigBunsLittleBunbun
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
- cryptic-coyote
"Exactly!"
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
- APD2269
Expensive
Happy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy"They're expensive."
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
- SailorSpoon11
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
- insertcaffeine
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
- kaytay3000
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
- letsjumpintheocean
Getting Comfortable
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
- ChadweenaThundervag
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
- Skkaj225
"Am guy."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
- DeluxeWafer
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
- Miikami
Either Or
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
- batchofbetterbutter
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
- octokisu
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
- didithedragon
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
- Peter_the_pear
Attempted Murder
Black Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
- Outrageous-Proof4630
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
- lil_ho_on_da_prairie
It's Constant
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
- Plus_Bison_7091
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
- zapsquad
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
- gentlybeepingheart
Destroyed
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
- Originalluff
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
- I_love_pillows
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
- Rozeline
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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