When we think of teenagers one of the first things that comes to mind is the idea that they have a total know-it-all thing going on. I'll be honest, as a teen I was convinced I had things at least mostly figured out. Oh god, so wrong. So very, very wrong.
So now that I'm an adult, there are tons of things I try to explain to the kids and teens in my life, but I know they just sit and stare at me blankly the way I did to my family members who tried to guide me. It's a cycle, I've just come to accept it.
But that doesn't mean teenagers aren't willing to listen to any adults - just typically not the ones close to them. So to help out the teens in your life who just roll their eyes apathetically at you when you talk, we dove into this thread.
Reddit user spaliusreal asked:
So here you go, advice and wisdom from their oh-so-very-elders to help them evolve into adults while (hopefully) skipping a few of the major missteps that we made. Get off our lawn, teenagers. Go make your own mistakes!
Thinking Thriftily
You don't have five dollars until you have ten dollars. If you have a period where you're suddenly rich (like right after getting your first loan) then save as much as possible. Keep a months rent at hand if you can. Honestly, between all the confusing parts of being adult, what has saved my butt more times than anything else is just having a little bit of financial cushioning.
Also buy things on sale. Thrift shops are your friend. Learning to sew is going to save you some day. Always buy a plunger before you need it.
- Sunnijb
Don't Stop Playing
You don't have to stop enjoying things just because you're an adult. Don't stop playing just because people say it's childish. Splash in puddles when the mood takes you. Sit on a swing and just be alive for a little while. Watch cartoons, play DnD with friends, build a fort with your partner in your living room. Being an adult doesn't mean you have to give up things that make you feel joyful or playful and you don't need to prove to anyone that you are an adult by way of letting go of the little things in life that make you smile.
Money Matters
GiphySaving up is better than credit. If you have credit don't go past 30% of your total limit and pay it off in full every month. Bankruptcy is easy but stays with you for years. Keep cash on hand for emergencies. Water is your friend, drink lots.
Also, never lend money and never co-sign for anyone. Oh and never use "rent to buy " stores!! You'll end up paying at least twice what the item is worth.
- Beaaaar
Support System
Get yourself a good support network of people you can actually trust and who will help you out in a time of genuine emergency.
I ended up in A&E (the ER) the other day and was so grateful to have someone I trust who called an ambulance for me, as I was unresponsive.
Also, if I'm not doing too great, I have some friends I can go and talk to. I can literally pull up in their driveway, tell them I'm there and they will let me in and listen to me, no questions asked. I make sure I reciprocate that as well.
Being an adult can be scary and lonely at times and there WILL come a time when you really need someone. Make sure you have at least one person to turn to.
Nothing Is Truly Private
That what you post on social media has consequences. Be smart about it, don't post things you wouldn't want an employer or your mom to see.
Remember kids, NOTHING is truly "private" online.
I'm a recruiter. If I could count the amount of times I have rejected a candidate because of something on their social media...
Honestly it's seldom a picture that turns me off. It's usually a ton of vaguebook posts or something along those lines.
I have a 50yo client who's a very highly qualified, but now unemployed professional.
I had to send him an email that MAYBE commenting "👅👅👅 beautiful tats" on an 18 year old girls Instagram picture just isn't a good idea. The fact I had to send THAT email...
Cooking
Make sure you know how to cook a few decent meals. I recommend getting a slow cooker. Throw ingredients in, walk away for several hours, boom, food magically appears. And, if you live alone, you pretty much have at least one meal a day set for the rest of the week.
Trade It In
It's 100% okay to go into a trade instead of going to college. Honestly, you will probably make more coming out of a trade school in 2 years than most people make after going to a 4 year university.
Who You Know
Your peers care about what you do, no matter what Reddit says to the contrary. The way to get ahead is through loose connections.
"Hey, we got an opening at my firm. I'll put in a good word for you."
If you're an introvert who keeps the nose to the grindstone and doesn't interact, your life will be immeasurably more difficult.
This is very good advice. A lot of folks have the mindset of "Just do good work and the rewards follow" but reality is that there's a lot of people who do good work, and not a lot of people who do good networking. It's the ones who are personable and easy to work alongside with who get promoted and hired, not the ones who just simply turn in their assignments on time.
Criticism
Learn to take criticism. You will need to be able to hear things you don't want to be told, in a manner that you find irksome, from people you don't particularly like, in order to improve.
This is super important. As a teenager it's often very easy to cut out people who day things you don't like. Just stop being friends with them right?
It doesn't swing at work. These people aren't going anywhere and you'll need to find a way to work alongside them.
Further to that, whether you like them or not some of them will have valuable knowledge you NEED. They may not be someone you like. They may not give you the information in a way you like. But that doesn't change the fact their knowledge and experience is valuable and you should use that resource.
Others may point our your errors. They may even point out your errors in ways you find patronizing and mean. No one really cares about your feelings and your errors are likely causing them a headache further down the line.
This job might not mean much to you and you might think they're totally lame for caring so much about work but this IS important to them and most of the time pointing out your mistakes is a genuine effort to help you and prevent formal escalation with management.
Eventually you will be one of these people who cares about work and the 17 year old newbie thinks your lame.
Because if you go through life half assing your job and not caring you're going to spend your life in awful low levels positions.
Make Good Choices
GiphyRegardless of what people complain about, it is NOT that hard.
All it takes is making good choices. Making good choices can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but its not like its actually difficult. Don't take out that 100K loan for a dumb degree, your first house doesn't need to cost a quarter million dollars, you don't need a brand new car as a "reward" for whatever stupid adulting milestone you think you just passed. Started a big-boy job? Max out that 401K. No, you don't need the money for anything else. Put it in your goddamn 401K.
Your future doesn't stop when you're an adult. Keep making good choices.
It's Up To You
No one is going to make sure you are taking care of your health. It's up to you to eat well, get exercise, take care of your teeth (seriously do it now and spare yourself money and pain in the future), take all your meds if necessary, wear sunscreen, stay hydrated, and so on. What you do now will seriously affect you in the future so get into good habits when you're younger.
Making It Up
When I was younger I always looked up to adults as having it all together. As I've gotten older and am now in my 30's I fully realize that most of us don't have it all together, and at times we're just making it up as we go along.
Tips From A 42 Year Old
Tips from a 42 year old who didn't do many of these things and wish I would have... in no particular order.:
Always have a $1,000 emergency fund and do not dip in for anything but real emergencies (car broke down, etc). Replenish it as soon as you can after you have to make us of some of it.
Always put a percentage of your paycheck into a savings account that is in a different bank than your normal bank. It helps keep it out of sight and less likely to be used.
Stay active. Exercise regularly. Even when you get into a relationship, stay active.
Eat right. Do not eat McDonald's every day because it's cheap.
Learn how to cook. Take a class if you can, but learn how to make more than Mac and cheese, spaghetti, noodles, or BBQ stuff.
Study in school and get a good paying job that you enjoy. You spend 8+ hours a day with your coworkers doing your assigned tasks and potentially helping them with theirs; make sure you like it/them.
Be kind. Be forgiving. Be smart. Be on guard. Be thoughtful. Be loving. Be humble.
Struggle V. Relief
I say this as an 18 year old who moved out on her own about a year ago from a very abusive childhood. Yes, the responsibilities are hard. Yes, there are lots of confusing things that nobody can prepare you for. Yes, cheese is expensive. But there is no struggle that trumps the feeling of relief you feel when you come home to a living environment that isn't seeping with toxicity from an abusive situation. I struggle to make ends meet, and it's a thousand times better than living with my parents.
Fight The Rut
Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut. I felt really depressed as my days became work, home, gym, repeat. Eventually, my sister and her boyfriend at the time introduced me to swing dancing. It got me out socializing and learning a new skill that I loved, and I met my fiancee after a few years of going.
- leisy123
Uber Over Ambulance
GiphyTake an Uber to the hospital if you aren't absolutely near death. Ambulance rides are really pricey. They often have to charge you just to come check you out. So if you can, avoid calling on them.
Until You Make A Mistake
There are more responsibilities, chores and more consequences for things that you do, but it doesn't feel any different until you make a mistake. At first it can be great but if you spend all your money without saving any you can get stuck paying your bills, calling in sick for work like you would for school one too many times can cost your job and make it harder obtaining another job. Though if you manage everything correctly it really is awesome.
Confidence Is Key
Believe in yourself. Don't get the mindset of telling yourself "Oh, well I doubt that could happen" or, "I don't think i could do that"
A lot of what stops you from doing things is you. Persevere push forward happy, enjoy life. Enjoy the little moments, because in the end they're the biggest moments you'll remember. Don't be hesitant to live, and love, and don't forget to treat yourself sometimes. Being mature, and financially secure is extremely important, but so is your mental health. What is the point of life if you have money, but, you're depressed, hate your job and become sour?
Never A Moment
That there's never a moment where it all makes sense and you know what to do. There's no manual, no classes, no one to give you instruction...You're just winging it. So, if you think for one second your parents have any clue what they're doing, you're so very wrong.
And, financially, if you can't afford to buy something twice -- especially big things -- then you can't afford it.
Forever
If school is a nightmare for you, it's not going to last forever. If school is an amazing place for you, it's not going to last forever.
Cooking Is Cost Effective
If you haven't yet, learn how to cook. You dont have to memorize how to do xyz recipe, or be able to make Gordon Ramsay jealous, but knowing a little bit of the basics can help you build up to the more complex stuff.
It will also give you the ability to feed yourself a meal a day for a week on like $10, depending on what you bought from where. Like a spaghetti with red sauce and ground meat was my go-to when there wasn't anything good on sale. Store brands can get you far.
I like to use veggie noodles for nutrition reasons, and ground turkey (that i season with salt, pepper and garlic powder) for cost reasons.
- CLTalbot
Teach Yourself
You know how teenagers complain about how school doesn't prepare them for real life? It doesn't teach you how to adult in that it doesn't teach you how to do taxes, balance a budget, etc?
Adulthood isn't knowing these things.
Adulthood is finding out how to find them out, and teaching yourself.
Forget Closure
Not every action needs a reaction. Especially the people who hurt you. Forget 'em and never talk to them again. Don't try to get closure because you'll never get what you want out of it. None of us are owed closure and, for the most part, it doesn't exist in the real world.
You're Wrong
You're wrong about a bunch of stuff. But when you realize it, it's going to be super frustrating when you try to tell the next batch of idiot teenagers and they ignore you.
- bortmode
Good Luck
Be prepared for a very, very low moment in your life. This will test how strong you are and you (I promise) will feel how much stronger you are becoming after going through it. Giving up will always be in your head, its human nature, we want to avoid resistance and take easier path, but you will overcome.
People will fail you many times over.
Love hurts.
Loyalty means very little to businesses.
The more you think about the reality of this planet and how society works the more you feel out of place.
The lonelier you are, the more you judge yourself - and you can be your hardest critic. Having people around you to remind you that you are doing ok is important.
Make sure you don't go days without getting a hug, or laughing, or exercising, or having sex... the soul needs this.
Overall be present. Don't think too far ahead and don't live in the past. Good luck, you'll need it.
Ignore Them
GiphyYou don't need to be in a relationship to be validated.
Most people are like, "You're how old and you're single!?!?" Ignore them..
Take any time in between to focus on growing yourself, for you, and anyone who may come along.
Quality Of Life
When you move out on your own you won't have the quality of life you're used to from living with your parents. It took them 20+ years of hard work to get to the point they're at. You'll get there eventually, but in the meantime you're probably going to live in some crappy places with cheap furniture, appliances, etc.
You might not be able to afford to heat and cool your house to the ideal temperature year round. You won't be able to eat as well as they do on a daily basis. Your washing machine might not get your clothes quite as clean as your used to and the dryer might leave things damp no matter what you do.
I'm going to through that now, though I'm somewhere closer to the end. When you first move out you need to get so much at once (couch, table, chairs, desk, bed, cutlery, linens, dishes, pots, pans, small appliances, the list goes on and on) that no one could afford to buy nice versions of it all so you end up with cheap versions of everything.
Over time you start replacing things. That first couch gets thrown away, the Walmart pans become something brand name, the cheapest toaster you could find becomes one that has settings other than "still bread" and "charcoal". It takes time, but as long as you work at it you'll slowly improve your quality of life. As you're making that transition don't shop exclusively at Ikea or any other retailer. You don't want to end up with a place that looks like a show room floor.
The first thing you should buy when you move out is a plunger that's designed for toilets.
Friends Forever
Being friends with someone "for forever" isn't a good reason to remain friends if you have absolutely nothing in common. Save yourself the headache and remember that most people in your life will come and go. Stop chaining down people just because you're incapable of letting go when it's time to do so.
Quality
Surround yourself with quality people versus quantity.
Learn to be independent and do things alone. It can actually be pretty enjoyable.
Your metabolism dies when you hit 30.
Just because your friends are in relationships, getting married, having babies doesn't mean you need to at the same time.
SPF and moisturizer. Seriously. Pale is better than skin cancer or looking like a saddle at 30
MLMs are bad. You will not get rich, you will alienate everyone and you will be a laughing stock.
- camoang
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.