Therapists Share The Lessons Their Clients Have Taught Them Over The Years
In a perfect world, every single person would have a therapist. Whether or not they are mentally ill, it's important to always have someone to talk things through with- that's what mental health professionals are for. But what some clients don't realize is that sometimes, the clients help the therapist just as much as the therapist helps them.
u/TheFoodTray asked: Therapists of reddit, what's something that a client has taught YOU (unknowingly) that you still treasure?
Therapists need help too.
In general - that humans can experience an incredible amount of trauma, loss, overall suffering and not only continue to exist, but continue to find meaning and even contentment in their lives.
It's helped me to re-frame my own trauma in a more helpful way and also made me less fearful of what my future may hold - recognizing that we can tolerate much, much more than we think we can.
Sometimes it's the people who have endured trauma that have an easier time letting things roll or looking at life's speed bumps and saying "That happened. How do I handle it?"
Once you've hit a hard bottom, any hardship that isn't that bad doesn't stress you as much. It also gives you more empathy and compassion for people in a hard spot.
When my mother was at her Cluster B best, my friends were impressively self-absorbed and actively did not care. People who had endured worse were so much kinder than people who hadn't.
A thirst for knowledge.
GiphyI work with college students (freshman all the way through final years of PhD programs, med school, etc.) I'm amazed by their constant desire for knowledge.
18yo and 40yo, it doesn't matter. There is an information lust in all of them. It makes me more passionate about my field and I go to trainings and conferences thrilled to learn thanks to them. It's incredible. The difference in my mental state from working outpatient to working exclusively with the student population is amazing. They've saved my career.
This is incredible advice.
Just today someone said to me, "I tell myself all the time 'if I can stay sober for the next 30 minutes I'm going to make it'. Sometimes I have to tell myself that more than once, but I make it every time".
It really got to me today, that little saying has so much meaning behind it for so many things. It put in perspective for me that dealing with certain issues is a minute by minute thing, but I can make it no matter what.
Wonderful.
So many things it isn't even funny. I get to learn about professions and hobbies that I have zero knowledge about or desire to do, but I like knowing.
Beyond being taught something, two things have that clients have told me have made me feel so good and have stayed with me.
So, I use acceptance and commitment therapy as my approach. It is an approach that I use in my life so I will use examples of how I use it to help guide clients. I was giving an example of getting caught up in thoughts while on a walk on the weekend. Specifically thoughts about how this very client was doing because she and I had practiced a very difficult script for her to set some boundaries. I was getting swept away and wasn't present on my walk, so I dropped anchor and got in the present.
That client said that knowing that I think about her and her wellbeing outside of session made her feel so special and cared for. I took it for granted that clients knew we think about them. Half of my case planning comes from walking thoughts or driving thoughts. It changed how I practice. I make sure to share, in appropriate ways, how often I do think about my client's wellbeing outside of session.
Another was about 6 years ago. I was sick with my autoimmune disorder, about 100lbs overweight, medications weren't working, I was the only therapist for my work site as they couldn't fill positions. I burned out. Ended up on stress leave for 6 weeks. I returned to work kinda questioning how can I be a good therapist if I burned out. I returned to a hand written letter from a client from the year previous. She wrote a thank you letter that told me how she had continued to use the skills we worked on, how she had changed her life, and the impact I made in her. Literally, this woman's letter saved my career.
I truly love my work and I keep way better work-life balance now that I am more adept a living with a chronic illness! Also, I am 95lbs lighter now too. I got healthy.
Something everyone needs to know.
GiphyHow to let go, over and over again, of people I care about. So many years of intensely relating, and giving, and letting go. I treasure the gift of being in the place to learn that lesson. It has helped me be a better friend and family member to not hold on so tight.
How a good relationship should be.
When talking about two people being in a relationship, a child I was working with described it as 1+1=2. Changed the perspective of "my other half" or looking at two people in a relationship as whole.
I know use two distinct wholes (1 person), who choose to come together as two.
To add to this, just this week in my session my counselor used the analogy of a 3 legged stool for a relationship and similarly I said that I always have seen a relationship as 3 people. There is me, you, and us. Each of the 3 need to be cared for to function.
Important to remember.
I'm a therapist in a psychiatric hospital and my patients have taught me how thin the line is between being mentally healthy and ill. Many of my patients were healthy and high functioning until one event happened to them.
That could be anyone. We are all just one incident away from being permanently ill. I am grateful and humbled by the tenacity of my patients, and for each day I am healthy.
Smart move.
GiphySomething I inadvertently taught my therapist is when I'm really struggling to start my day, I divide it up into "quest objectives" ala video games. ie "Shower, Breakfast and dress" "Get to work on time" "Complete at least three briefs today" and so on and so forth.
It really helps me set short term goals for getting through the day. She told me she has subsequently used this method with other clients and it's worked well.
Perseverance.
I'm a therapist for children with autism. These kids go to school and then therapy 5 days a week. Adding up to 10 hours a day, more than some working adults. Most of the kids at least. They work hard to increase their skill sets. I have struggled with severe anxiety and still struggle with it sometimes.
While I'm teaching them life skills, they teach me perseverance through tough days and to smile and keep going even through the mistakes. These kids never fail to amaze me and I'm so proud to say I work with them.
Love this.
I was the patient but during an early session I mentioned the Chaplin quote "A day without laughter is a day wasted." And my therapist had never heard that before and said they were going to use that. I saw it as a quote hanging on their wall soon thereafter.
People Break Down The Circumstances In Which They'd Stay In A Sexless Marriage
Reddit user Sorry_Emu5567 asked: 'Under what circumstances would you stay in a sexless marriage?'
It's commonly pointed out that two subjects that will put a strain on any marriage or long-term relationship are money and sex.
But some people have pointed out that the relationship doesn't have to stop just because the sex did.
Redditor Sorry_Emu5567, asked:
"Under what circumstances would you stay in a sexless marriage?"
Life Is Too Short
"My partner was born with a medical condition that cut his lifespan in half. In the end, he will most likely have a ton of health problems, and sex may not be in the equation for whatever reason."
"He is my best friend. I will love him, and care for him until the end, and then past the end. I don’t care if I have to change his diaper and wipe his a**. I don’t care if dementia comes for him. I’ll be there holding his hand."
- muddya**locus
Healing Time
"My husband broke his neck (he has fully recovered), but we spent about six months with me helping him shower and wiping his a** while his nerves and his bones healed."
"Sex was the last thing on my mind when I was helping him recover. We didn't do it for a WHILE."
"I didn't care! He's my best friend, all I cared about was making sure he was okay. Sex isn't that important, INTIMACY is, and you can achieve intimacy in many other ways than just f**king."
- erin_bex
A Plethora of Activities
"Our marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect. We actually can't stand to be apart."
Sex is just one thing we enjoy about each other, we'd miss it if it were gone, but we have 100 other things we do together for joy."
- rebcabin-r
The Cancer Diagnosis
"My late wife had cancer and sex stopped. She felt extremely guilty about it. I was too terrified to care about sex."
- WingZombie
Valuing Touch
"I think, for your average person, that sex isn't the ONLY thing, not even the MOST important thing, but it's still important for many."
"One of the things I learned relatively late in life is that 90% of what I want is just to touch and be touched. Sure, sex is really nice, but often I wonder if the problem isn't 'no sex,' but rather it's, 'she won't even touch me and doesn't like being touched by me.'"
- npsimons
Chronic Pain and More
"I stayed when my wife was diagnosed with estrogen+ Stage IV breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and pelvis. Our daughter had just turned six, and our son wasn't even one year old."
"Part of the treatment intended to prolong her life was to artificially induce menopause to cut off estrogen in an attempt to reduce the mechanism the tumor could 'feed' upon, if you will."
"Up to that point, we didn't know why she was in so much back pain and I had been pretty down about the absence of a previously robust sex life... but then it all, sadly, became too clear. She went from wanting it but being in pain to literally zero drive whatsoever."
"We got 20 more months together. She passed in Sept 2019, 20 months after Stage IV diagnosis."
- DGSolar
True Story
"A marriage without sex can last if there is still love, commitment, laughter, friendship, loyalty, and communication."
- zzz_red
The Realities of Life
"I think when people view all sexless marriages with horror, they’re forgetting that, if you intend marriage to be forever, it’s a LONG time."
"People get sick, work schedules get bad, kids exhaust you, and hormones are a godd**ned b***h (f**king perimenopause)."
"You have to make sure you communicate enough so one person isn’t just feeling totally abandoned, but when it’s something like mutual exhaustion, sometimes it just happens and it really can just be a phase."
- justtheretosavestuff
Accidents Happen
"If my partner got injured and was incapable of having or enjoying sex anymore, it isn’t their fault, and although I would miss it TERRIBLY and probably feel a little miserable every time I got horny, it wasn’t a choice they made to leave our sexual side behind. Why would I leave someone I loved dearly for something they couldn’t help?"
- Tablesafety
Sleep Schedule
"People get busy, and they start prioritizing sleep over sex. We both do it. Then you get used to it. Then it’s just not something we talk about anymore."
- AllAfterIncinerators
In It For the Long Haul
"If my partner was incapable of performing, I would absolutely stay. He is my everything. We are partners, best friends, and lovers. Sex is only one part of the equation and the other parts more than make up for it."
"We have had issues over the years on both sides (not gonna go into details), so when I say I would not leave and also he would not, we have already faced this question so we know the answer."
"Just because one partner can’t perform, doesn’t mean the other loses their sexuality completely. You can self-perform so to speak. You still can still have intimacy. There are still a lot of things that can be done. Just full-on two-person traditional sex is out, which doesn’t have to be a game changer if you have communication between partners."
"Source: Been married 30 years."
- Drachenfuer
The Opposite is Worse
"It's gonna sound cheesy as all h**l, but when someone becomes your family, best friend, and loved one, sex is just a part of that intimacy and having fun with your partner."
"You can also be in a marriage with sex and no intimacy, which in my honest opinion, is WORSE than a sexless marriage where you still have intimacy."
- yea_nah448
In Sickness and In Health
"When we will be old, I think it’s going to be different, and sex will not be as important, so probably at that point."
"And if my husband became very ill or had an accident that would make it impossible for him to have sex, then I would stay in a sexless marriage."
"It’s in sickness and in health."
- Hekatevenstar
"My 80-year-old Grandfather bought my 80-year-old Grandmother lingerie for Valentine’s Day and then told us about it at dinner. Lol (laughing out loud)."
- SolarStar2950
Their Penguin
"My marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband is the greatest person I have ever met, and hanging out with him is literally what I live for."
"If he suddenly decided he never wanted to have sex again, I would definitely stay."
"He is my penguin, my life partner, and life without him would be unbearable."
- F**kingButteredJorts
Their #1 For Life
"My wife and I do not have sex regularly, but that's my f**king #1, homie."
"If I divorced her, I'd lose my best friend. That s**t ain't worth it. Pornhub is free, but 15 years of friendship, inside jokes, memories, laughs, and someone to watch s**tty horror movies with me is priceless."
- photoyoyo
Sex is going to play a vital role in many marriages, and intimacy in the bedroom will be enough to end a marriage for some.
But for others, it wasn't a matter of ending the relationship, but simply allowing it to pivot with the changes in their circumstances. Like letting our partners grow and growing with them, they allowed the marriage to change and grow, too.
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.
A great movie is one that you can watch over and over again, and can't stop talking about.
Indeed, some people have seen some movies so many times that they've begun to notice minute details that other viewers no doubt overlooked upon their first viewing.
While others have started in-depth analyses of the story and characters, namely what happened to all of them afterward, or what led them to where they are at the start of the film.
Otherwise known as fan theories.
Be it on the internet, or in your local coffee shop, some people simply can't stop talking about their favorite fan theories, from Andy's Mom being Jesse's original owner in the Toy Story films to the possibility that Danny and Sandy are dead at the end of Grease and driving up to heaven (...why else weren't they in Grease 2?...)
"Movie buffs of Reddit, what is your favorite fan theory for any well-loved and popular movie?"
It Makes Sense That He Would Change His Identity...
"'Heavyweights' is a prequel to Dodgeball."
"Tony Perkiss = White Goodman"- drunkpilot2
High Five Ben Stiller GIFGiphyYou'd Think They Would Have At Least Introduced Themselves...
"'Lord of the Rings', Frodo doesn't know Legolas's name."
"He never once says it and in the end scene where everyone runs in to see Frodo in the hospital, Frodo yells out everyone's name in excitement as they come in....except for Legolas, who he just stares at smiling, then Gimli walks in and he's back to it yelling 'Gimli!'."- Grouchy_Cat8054
...But Does The Movies Actually Make Sense?...
"The Machines are the good guys in 'The Matrix'."
"If you watch 'The Animatrix' you see that the Machines tried to be democratic members of society and when the humans wouldn't let them create their own country."
"The humans then wage war against that nation."
"The Machines at any time could make the planet unlivable for humans but they never do."
"The humans actually have the bright idea to block out the sun because the Machines are primarily solar powered."
"The Machines convert to nuclear then win the war against humans."
"THEN start plugging humans into the Matrix, an inferior source of energy to nuclear."
"I believe the Machines put the humans in their to keep them safe from the hellscape they created."
"They never truly eradicate the humans that have escaped the Matrix."
"Just keep them powerless enough to protect themselves."
"When Agent Smith is ranting about how much humans disgust (in part 1) him the other agent is skeeved out, and even says, 'What are you doing?'."
"Agent Smith is an outlier, threatening what the Machines collectively want."
"The Machines even ally with the humans against Agent Smith."
"An alliance the Machines readily accept because they always wanted to get along with humans."
"They call off the attack on Zion, ending the cycle of destruction and rebuilding."
"They have no reason to honor Neo's terms after he dies, but they do because they wanted peace all along."
"Allowing the humans the belief that Neo fostered a peace and they should relegate their conflict with the Machines to inside the Matrix works perfectly for them."
"No human or machine deaths."
"Humans that can sense the Matrix get segregated."
"Zion and the machine nation coexist."
"It's everything they ever wanted."- NucularRobit
"I've always loved the idea that the reason the CGI fight scenes between Neo and Agent Smith in 'Matrix Reloaded' and 'Revelations' looks so weird and 'bad', is that they are moving so fast that the Matrix is having trouble rendering them."- Righteous_Itch
the matrix 90s GIFGiphyCertainly Opens The Door For Volume 3...
"Bill didn’t die at the end of 'Kill Bill'."
"Both he and Beatrix knew that the 5-point palm exploding heart technique was fake."
"Using it on him was Beatrix’s way of saying 'if you play along and play dead, I’ll just take my daughter and go'.”- Rhodie114
Explains Why He Didn't Attend 'Rushmore'"...
"Napoleon Dynamite is what poor people are like in the Wes Anderson universe."- natelopez53
Still Doesn't Mean it's Watchable...
"The movie 'Batman & Robin' was actually an in-universe movie made by people that live in Gotham City."- Mr--Imp
george clooney batman GIF by MauditGiphyTheory, Or Fact?
"The 'Mad Max' movies all tell the same story."
"Max is a mythological figure in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, who in reality was maybe once a cop or something similar as society was breaking down."
"However as subsequent generations have lost more and more of society that was pre-collapse, subsequent generational retellings of the story have verged away more wildly from the truth."
"The bones of the story is that he is a man stricken by grief who adopts a small community in need and fights of a gang of vehicular maniacs but does not remain with them in the end."- WhapXI·
Of All The Names He Could Have Chosen...
"Shrek didn't have a name and made it up on the spot when Donkey asked him."- I_might_be_weasel
"I'll Be Back" makes so much more sense...
"That 'Terminator 1' wasn't the first pass through the timeline and John Connor deliberately chose his own father to give himself a better chance."- Astramancer_
terminator GIFGiphyBackstory For A Board Game...
"While not a well loved or popular movie, my theory on the 'Battleship' movie is a cheap alien production company is attempting to film some sort of nature documentary or reality tv show on earth and ends up being killed by the humans."
"They have advanced weapon technology, but they don't really know how to use it correctly."
"In fact, much of it is automated."
"Upon losing the communications ship, the system goes into a defensive mode, deploying the isolation dome and neutralizing any potential threats from the locals."
"By the time the aliens deactivate it, they've destroyed a bunch of local population and military."
"The aliens feel that this ruins any potential chance to reach out for help from the humans and decide to just go with maintaining security and securing local resources in order to call for help."
"Eventually the humans wipe them all out, and when news of their demise reaches the alien society it is met with the same contempt as someone petting a Bison at Yellowstone."- BMLortz
What Would Jar Jar say?
"Palpatine used Padme’s life force to keep Vader alive and that’s why she dies."
"Not sadness."- chesterforbes
They're All Connected... Through Violence...
"That Mr. Pink in 'Reservoir Dogs' survives his escape and is on the run living as a waiter at the 50s restaurant in Pulp Fiction."
"Same universe, at least."- Witty_Cost_9917
reservoir dogs GIFGiphyOne of the main reasons people watch movies is to open their imaginations and escape into a world far different from their own.
Making broadening that world all the more fun.
That being said, anyone who wants to stay in the world of Batman and Robin might have too much time on their hands...
Whatever gets you there.
That is my motto when it comes to the ways of seduction.
Turning someone on can be an art form.
Or it can be a simple accident.
Some people have ways that have been perfected.
Other people just stumble along and strike gold.
Redditor celena6443 had some questions about seduction, so they asked:
"What's something simple that turns you on?"
A smile.
A simple smile gets me all of the time.
Kindness First
"I like it when she’s nice."
Ok_Pear_8291
"I like it when she's mean but in a nice way."
presideAM
Making Moves
"Returned interest. If I’m making a move, they’re making it known it’s very welcome."
DefinitelyNotADave
"This is the one. I am texting a girl who I have no idea if she’s into me or not but she gave me her number, didn’t reply to the last text I sent and I’m just like… well it was a question so I’m definitely not going to text again. Now I sit and wonder. I think I may overthink this whole dating thing."
eoJ_semoC_ereH
"Enthusiastic consent is appreciated. If I feel like I'm imposing on someone in any way, it makes me withdraw to avoid being a nuisance. I don't understand why some guys like it when girls display discomfort with romantic vibes."
FriedMattato
The Story
"My wife’s hips when she’s sitting. Specifically, if she’s in her undies doing her makeup, and I can see the little crease that her side butt/hips make. Don’t know why, but just makes me lose all train of thought if I see it."
theonephaze23
"I do indeed lose my train of thought regularly, i.e. whenever my wife changes her crossed legs while sitting on the couch and I'm facing her telling a story."
apeaquatic
"Exactly the same for me!! When I told my wife she don’t get it, and it is that line where her thigh meets the hip it's just so hot."
ilithios27
I Remember
"When she remembers things from previous conversations where I've talked about my hobbies, interests, favorite foods etc etc. I don't tell people these things with the expectation of them remembering or even caring but knowing they've paid attention and cared enough to remember the things I'm passionate about makes me feel valued, respected, and wanted. Anyone who doesn't try to suppress the little kid inside me that is passionate about some dorky things is cool with me."
warrof1
Hold Me
Hugs GIFGiphy"Hug from behind."
happygolucky226I
"Came to the comments to find this. I’m not a short woman, but my husband is much taller than me and a hug from behind combined with a back-of-neck kiss will get me from 0 to 1000 real quick."
IntuitiveMonster
Hug me, hold me, love me.
From behind I feel it.
Not Feet?
Hands Nails GIF by 2021 MTV Video Music AwardsGiphy"Had a casual hookup once who very sensually played with my hands and wow that was a level of intimacy I wasn't aware I could experience, and the immediate go zone it threw me into."
BlondeBreveHC
Big Talker
"The way a guy talks. Not just tone of voice but how he uses his words, or if he talks with his hands, etc."
Kbrown_021
Simplicity
"All my attention-starved ass can think of is positive direct attention. Like, when a person is very clearly interested in talking to you. Instead of passing greetings and bland conversation with the group that could be directed towards anybody who'd listen, they quickly direct their attention towards you and ask questions, trying to get to know you. "
"If someone hot does that... historically I've been too scared to do sh*t, but it definitely gets my heart pounding. Also, boobs. I'm a simple man."
2Scarhand
Gazing
"Eye contact."
nopestillgotit
"As an introvert and... I don't know someone who finds prolonged eye contact uncomfortable, if I'm attracted to someone and they are the type where they hold your gaze in conversations, I get sooo flustered so quick just—tingles everywhere."
bich-imma-slap-u
"This!! Oh, I go weak in my knees when my partner deep gazes into my eyes."
Impressive_Flan1600
Anything
"Sad cringe, but anything that says hey, here's something that I've done for you in my own free time specifically because I remember you saying you liked it, or because I wanted to impress you with something I personally like. I don't know, something (anything) that just reassures me that I'm not just the fat kid on the other end of the seesaw."
tazil_monkey
LOL
Mothers Day Lol GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"A compatible sense of humor. I like to make people laugh and have a unique sense of humor so if I make a woman laugh I'll catch feelings pretty quick. but if she makes me laugh I'm gonna be in love."
dimmu1313
Laughter is the best medicine.
And the best way to love.