JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

Maskot / Getty Images

To be a therapist is about making a bond, forming trust, and letting the person who sits across from you know you are there to help them. The challenge is instilling the belief in your patient they have the ability to do better. Sometimes, that doesn't come easily. Reaching a point of growth can be a trial, and the party guilty of it can be who you're working with.


Reddit user, u/ilovespaceack, wanted therapists to speak up and share:

[Serious] Therapists of Reddit: what do you do if you think your client is just generally a bad person?

Monitor Your Personal Values

Value the person always. That doesn't mean you have to like them. If they have personality disorders it is probably prudent to signpost them for DBT rather than keep them in person centred counselling as a singular therapy.

However, if it's just a case of them not fitting in with your own personal values then the therapist needs to reflect on this themselves. What is it about this person I find so difficult? What has happened with me why I have this reaction etc.

Also, for congruence it is important that you are tactfully honest about your feelings. There is room for this in a therapeutic setting.

mrscandyriver

Help Out, But Be Vigilant

Giphy

Luckily I've never encountered this with any of my clients. However if this ever does occur in the future, I would most likely like to keep treating them maybe find some insight of what happened to that person, family history, get an understanding of is this person is this person a product of their environment, or genetics, possible both.

But the moment I actually stop having the need to help that person or if I feel they are trying to control the session or manipulate me. I would have to refer them to someone else

GirlwitNoName817

Do Your Best To Find That Connection

Out of the hundreds of patients I have seen in my 15 year career as a therapist, there have been only a handful of people I could not connect with and had to transfer to a coworker. These were without exceptions mothers who'd mistreat their children without regret or willingness to reflect on it. I was not the right therapist for them. For all the others, I'd find a way, an angle, anything, be it the t-shirt they were wearing or the smile when they were talking about their pet snake or anything at all really to start connecting. No matter how boring or agressive or adapted someone presents themselves, there is always someone deserving of love and recognition underneath it.

Utrechtonmymind

Easy.

Tell 'em.

What's the point of keeping it a secret? Two percent of the population are actual psychopaths and whilst many psychopaths are "nice people" there's a cluster of antisocial personality types and if your client belongs to one of those groups they won't be able to manage their own behaviour unless they understand it. I also talk to the family, without breaking confidences, because it lifts an enormous burden if they can understand the pattern of behaviour.

macsta

Hold True

Never be scared.

There are three things a counsellor should provide you with. Congruence (honesty), empathy, seeing your issues from within your frame of reference and unconditional positive regard. You will be held and supported. Most people will go through a period of psychological or emotional distress. It's almost inevitable. Nothing you say will shock or surprise your therapist. And I can totally agree with your fears. I was scared to seek therapy because I felt like I'd be locked up. It was the best thing I ever did and it set me on this path to help others.

mrscandyriver

Send Them On Their Way

Maybe it's my personal view or my professional training or both, but I've met some incredibly malicious-seeming people, but could never believe them to be bad or evil.

When you speak to these people, they have fantastic justification and persuasion skills. They really believe they're not in the wrong. How can you see someone so lost and out of touch with reality as evil? There is always a thought process, incident, or underlying truth behind all evil thoughts I've encountered in others.

On the other hand, a client that is painfully annoying or I just can't get through to, I refer them to another therapist lol

existentialanomoly

Push Aside Your Prejudices

I honestly didn't buy into the theory of this at the beginning of my training but now I really do. If ever my own judgments come in when working with a client I have to remind myself that the client is being the best person they can be within their current experiences and conditions. Accepting the client for who they are in front of you and not only seeing them for what they've done and pushing aside your prejudice is hard but worthwhile for me and my clients.

It doesn't mean I have to like a client on a personal level, just accept them for who they are and give them the space to grow. I don't feel the need to change them with my own views.

Mikah3

Sometimes, YOU Need To Speak To Someone

We have a saying in narrative therapy

"The problem is the problem. The person is not the problem."

This statement helps me see my clients more empathically and non-judgementally. We try to see clients holistically, with the recognition that even "bad" behaviours or patterns are coming from somewhere. We don't assign good or bad labels but we focus on the roots of these behaviours/patterns. Understanding a person's context is so important, as is dissecting the reasoning and motivation behind the behaviour.

Personality disorders are much harder to dissect and understand. People diagnosed with a cluster B issues especially are more likely to be labelled. It's important to be conscious of this tendency and recognise that at the end of the day, if they're sitting in your office saying "I need help" or "I want to change", then there's something there. And everyone has that something. :)

I am still human though and if I find myself judging a client or getting triggered or experiencing negative feelings towards them, I seek supervision and try to understand the parts of me that feel this way. When the parts of me communicate, therapy flows much smoother.

BhavyaKul

Believe

Giphy

I work with a population that is considered by most to be made up of bad people (sexually violent predators). I believe that you as a person are defined by more than your past mistakes.

Due to that belief, I am able to treat all of my clients with respect and hope for the best in terms of rehabilitation.

huskyowner

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
Keep reading... Show less
Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

Keep reading... Show less