To be a therapist is about making a bond, forming trust, and letting the person who sits across from you know you are there to help them. The challenge is instilling the belief in your patient they have the ability to do better. Sometimes, that doesn't come easily. Reaching a point of growth can be a trial, and the party guilty of it can be who you're working with.
Reddit user, u/ilovespaceack, wanted therapists to speak up and share:
[Serious] Therapists of Reddit: what do you do if you think your client is just generally a bad person?
Monitor Your Personal Values
Value the person always. That doesn't mean you have to like them. If they have personality disorders it is probably prudent to signpost them for DBT rather than keep them in person centred counselling as a singular therapy.
However, if it's just a case of them not fitting in with your own personal values then the therapist needs to reflect on this themselves. What is it about this person I find so difficult? What has happened with me why I have this reaction etc.
Also, for congruence it is important that you are tactfully honest about your feelings. There is room for this in a therapeutic setting.
Help Out, But Be Vigilant
GiphyLuckily I've never encountered this with any of my clients. However if this ever does occur in the future, I would most likely like to keep treating them maybe find some insight of what happened to that person, family history, get an understanding of is this person is this person a product of their environment, or genetics, possible both.
But the moment I actually stop having the need to help that person or if I feel they are trying to control the session or manipulate me. I would have to refer them to someone else
Do Your Best To Find That Connection
Out of the hundreds of patients I have seen in my 15 year career as a therapist, there have been only a handful of people I could not connect with and had to transfer to a coworker. These were without exceptions mothers who'd mistreat their children without regret or willingness to reflect on it. I was not the right therapist for them. For all the others, I'd find a way, an angle, anything, be it the t-shirt they were wearing or the smile when they were talking about their pet snake or anything at all really to start connecting. No matter how boring or agressive or adapted someone presents themselves, there is always someone deserving of love and recognition underneath it.
Easy.
Tell 'em.
What's the point of keeping it a secret? Two percent of the population are actual psychopaths and whilst many psychopaths are "nice people" there's a cluster of antisocial personality types and if your client belongs to one of those groups they won't be able to manage their own behaviour unless they understand it. I also talk to the family, without breaking confidences, because it lifts an enormous burden if they can understand the pattern of behaviour.
Hold True
Never be scared.
There are three things a counsellor should provide you with. Congruence (honesty), empathy, seeing your issues from within your frame of reference and unconditional positive regard. You will be held and supported. Most people will go through a period of psychological or emotional distress. It's almost inevitable. Nothing you say will shock or surprise your therapist. And I can totally agree with your fears. I was scared to seek therapy because I felt like I'd be locked up. It was the best thing I ever did and it set me on this path to help others.
Send Them On Their Way
Maybe it's my personal view or my professional training or both, but I've met some incredibly malicious-seeming people, but could never believe them to be bad or evil.
When you speak to these people, they have fantastic justification and persuasion skills. They really believe they're not in the wrong. How can you see someone so lost and out of touch with reality as evil? There is always a thought process, incident, or underlying truth behind all evil thoughts I've encountered in others.
On the other hand, a client that is painfully annoying or I just can't get through to, I refer them to another therapist lol
Push Aside Your Prejudices
I honestly didn't buy into the theory of this at the beginning of my training but now I really do. If ever my own judgments come in when working with a client I have to remind myself that the client is being the best person they can be within their current experiences and conditions. Accepting the client for who they are in front of you and not only seeing them for what they've done and pushing aside your prejudice is hard but worthwhile for me and my clients.
It doesn't mean I have to like a client on a personal level, just accept them for who they are and give them the space to grow. I don't feel the need to change them with my own views.
Sometimes, YOU Need To Speak To Someone
We have a saying in narrative therapy
"The problem is the problem. The person is not the problem."
This statement helps me see my clients more empathically and non-judgementally. We try to see clients holistically, with the recognition that even "bad" behaviours or patterns are coming from somewhere. We don't assign good or bad labels but we focus on the roots of these behaviours/patterns. Understanding a person's context is so important, as is dissecting the reasoning and motivation behind the behaviour.
Personality disorders are much harder to dissect and understand. People diagnosed with a cluster B issues especially are more likely to be labelled. It's important to be conscious of this tendency and recognise that at the end of the day, if they're sitting in your office saying "I need help" or "I want to change", then there's something there. And everyone has that something. :)
I am still human though and if I find myself judging a client or getting triggered or experiencing negative feelings towards them, I seek supervision and try to understand the parts of me that feel this way. When the parts of me communicate, therapy flows much smoother.
Believe
GiphyI work with a population that is considered by most to be made up of bad people (sexually violent predators). I believe that you as a person are defined by more than your past mistakes.
Due to that belief, I am able to treat all of my clients with respect and hope for the best in terms of rehabilitation.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
Instant adapability
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapes
GiphyYou know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphyEncouraging others
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulz
Why Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphyAn endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
