Therapists Reveal How They First Discovered Their Patients Were Sociopaths
Therapists Reveal How They First Discovered Their Patients Were Sociopaths
[rebelmouse-image 18361039 is_animated_gif=Sometimes people are just not ok mentally. That is not a judgement. Knowing you need help is 90% of the battle. Maybe if we all acknowledged we needed help sooner we'd all be better off.
Redditor dahdoc asked the therapists of Reddit to divulge Therapists of Reddit, what made you realize you were treating a sociopath? It's all slightly unsettling but... we ALL have issues.
PEOPLE ARE DISAPPOINTING.
Psych nurse here.
Patient I gained a lot of trust with told me about this person he and two others tortured almost to death. I knew the case because it made the news. He went to jail for it. Went in to details about the torture. It included making hundreds of cuts to the persons body and giving them an acidic bath.
This guy was in our ward for about a month (continually threatening suicide if he was discharged). .
Thing is he stood trial as a minor and threw his mates under the his, claiming they were the instigators and he simply went along with it. They are still in jail
DOES SOMEBODY HAVE SOME HOLY WATER?
[rebelmouse-image 18361040 is_animated_gif=I worked in a locked inpatient psychiatric unit for 5 years. I saw many things that scared me but the most bone- chilling patient I ever worked with was a handsome, charming 35 year old man we will call Mark.
On our unit, if you told your nurse you were actively suicidal, you were placed on a 1:1 meaning you had a staff person assigned to you at all times to be in any room you were in to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. Mark nonchalantly came up to his nurse this particular day and stated he was suicidal and needed assigned a staff personal. Even though we knew (or so we thought bc you can't be 100%) that he was lying, we had to provide him with a 1:1. I was the only available staff person and was therefore assigned to him. He asked me to walk "laps" on the unit with him. I said sure.
As we walked he asked seemingly meaningless questions about things like my favorite food or holidays I enjoy. I am always cautious about giving out information and felt his questions were harmless. About an hour into our walking he commented that He gathered I care deeply for others. Then took his head and smashed it through a glass window. Blood gushed from his face and glass was stuck all over his head. We had to transport him by ambulance to our emergency department.
Two days later he returned back to our unit, medically/ physically cleared. Upon coming back he came up to me to apologize for "scaring me", winked, and walked away. I fully believe he caused pain to himself to put that ever terrible visual in my head and scare me into knowing that if he could so easily hurt himself, he could do the same for others.
VIDEO PROOF IS EVERYTHING.
[rebelmouse-image 18361041 is_animated_gif=Great kid during the day, tormented his foster siblings and videotaped it at night. Loved being the "good kid" in the house during the day and "didn't understand why Jimmy would scream and hit so much." Meanwhile Jimmy" was his target at night but wasn't verbal and couldn't tell anyone. Sociopath was always kind to the verbal child so only Jimmy was prey. In front of the foster parents, Sociopath seemed like a model teen. Finally a video surfaced through sheer dumb luck and now Sociopath is in jail. No one believed it until they saw the video. He's handsome, charming, and will ruin lives because his youthful offender status means he won't have a criminal record.
WELL THAT IS FRIGHTENING!
[rebelmouse-image 18361042 is_animated_gif=My dad's a (now semi-retired) psychologist. Back in the 90's, he was working as the director of psychology for a large housing and treatment facility for the severely mentally disabled. He wanted to get into doing some therapy sessions for non-disabled folks on the side, just to mix things up and stretch his professional wings a little. Our house had a home office "wing" with a separate entrance, so he decided to start seeing a few patients on the weekends.
This plan lasted about three weeks before he realized that he'd made a terrible mistake.
One of his patients, a very large gentleman, began visibly melting down during a session, pacing around the office and acting increasingly erratic. My dad's thoughts turned to the fact that his wife and three kids were now in the same house with a big dude who was clearly unstable. He slowly positioned himself by the door in case the guy tried to bolt for it. The guy noticed this, pulled out a gun, and said, "Don't worry, if I wanted to hurt you or myself, I would have already used this by now."
My dad utilized the same skills that he knew from working with violent patients at his main job to talk the guy into putting the gun away. He escorted him from the premises, and never saw another patient at home again.
My mom was pissed.
OK. BYE FELICIA.
[rebelmouse-image 18361043 is_animated_gif=I've worked with a few, the most disturbing one was an ex military guy. He had served time in Iraq in the early 2000s, and he had killed in the line of duty. He always seemed a bit off, but the story he told me that was like, "holy hell he's a sociopath" was when he told me about how he would do things like kill goats, because he could get away with that and some families there depend on livestock to survive.
The second was more of a "sterotypical" sociopath. He had been arrested for drug possession, and during the arrest attempt had stabbed himself a few times while trying to stab the arresting officers. He was very sharp, but intentionally choose the life of a drug dealer because it was violent. I don't think he ever actually killed anyone, but he definitely abused people pretty horrifically. He dealt meth and enjoyed power tripping off messing with desperate addicts. He was also the only antisocial person I've ever met who had a weakened pain response. He once stabbed himself with a pen to prove to me he "didn't feel pain". And I mean like a legit, buried the pen in his flesh, blood everywhere kinda stab. Yeah....
I CAN'T!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980145 is_animated_gif=While one cannot be diagnosed with Anti-social Personality Disorder (the disorder most-associated with what the layperson understands as sociopathy) until adulthood, Conduct Disorder is often the place-holder diagnosis given to children who meet similar criteria. While working as a Clinical Supervisor/Clinician at a mental health crisis/assessment facility, I had parents who brought in their 6 year old son. This kid was freaking adorable, soft-spoken and polite. When queried as to history, the parents remarked that among numerous incidents of animal cruelty/abuse.
RED FLAG!! RED FLAG!!
[rebelmouse-image 18345996 is_animated_gif=Honestly, he made me feel scared and panicky to be in the same room. Part of being a therapist is you build a very strong client-therapist bond, and there's a lot of empathy/openness in the room, so things can get quite intense and emotional (in a good way). With this guy I felt like a tiny trapped little animal in the room with a dangerous predator.
He had no remorse for his actions. He'd slip in remarks meant to impress/threaten, then look somewhat annoyed when I did not react (I was reacting inside). I do not fully recall his name/looks and wouldn't on here anyway, but on the outside he looked totally normal and actually seemed kind of ok. But after talking to him for a while, there was this emptiness that I found quite disturbing.
He casually admitted to domestic abuse in the same way someone would admit they left the hall light on by accident... to me, in front of his partner!! He'd never brought it up before and, as a trainee I should NOT have been working with DV cases. They would be triaged and referred to someone with specialist experience. I can't go into details, obviously, for confidentiality reasons... but it was a huge overreaction to an honest accident (could have happened to anyone) and he literally mentioned it in passing, and seemed to be more like'Oh for gods sake, this isn't even worth mentioning, why did I bring this up, I'd rather be talking about myself'. He just didn't care.
I remember just nodding and remained calm, whilst drawing a huge exclamation mark on my notes. I made it through the session somehow, then immediately told my supervisor and had him transferred to a different counsellor.
I've honestly never been so scared of another individual just from a'vibe'.
IT'S ALL IN THE EYES.
[rebelmouse-image 18980146 is_animated_gif=I've been a licensed therapist for going on three years now, but I've been seeing clients (with an Intern license) for about five years. The vast majority of my clients have been on probation or parole and have had a wide range of mental illnesses, including anti-social personality disorder (ASPD).
My mentor described folks with ASPD like this:"It's in the eyes. They've got shark eyes: cold and predatory, like they're staring right through you, looking for your weaknesses to exploit." And, having worked with several people with that diagnosis (and adolescent precursor Conduct Disorder), it's pretty damn accurate. People with ASPD are some of the most manipulative people around, and many of them enjoy it. Manipulating people is almost a game to them--well, a mini-game to indulge in while they work on whatever else they're planning, even if it's as simple as "present as normal." And, let me tell you: they're good at it. It's incredibly difficult to out-play someone with the diagnosis at their own game because they've been playing it their entire lives. Since my clientele are court-ordered, most of the manipulation revolves around trying to cover up whatever else they're doing (abusing their domestic partner, abusing substances, etc.). Some are more impulsive than others with the diagnosis, but they all have the shark eyes.
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE KIDS.
[rebelmouse-image 18980147 is_animated_gif=Not a therapist, school psychologist. When talking to a student, he casually mentions how he keeps his parents _"in line" _by threatening to call ICE to have his mother (undocumented) deported. He doesn't care about his family in the least, and they have zero control over him. His two siblings are typically developed and are terrified of him.
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE.
[rebelmouse-image 18980148 is_animated_gif=I work in a residential substance abuse program. I don't take offense to most clients behaviors; they were in the midst of their addiction and they're trying to get better for any number of motivators (self-referral, family, probation/parole mandated, etc.). I've worked with convicted murderers whom were remorseful and great to work with, so whatever, let's do some work together. But I'll speak of one person whom I believe to have Antisocial Personality Disorder:
After approximately 30 minutes talking to him during intake, I could tell how well he might be able to manipulate those he believes are "dumber" than him, and he stated as much. He mimicked my language, posture, he spoke eloquently, and was charismatic as all hell. But something was just off. I take note, and move on; needed more data. And as he continued in the program it became apparent. Everything was someone or something else's fault. Failed relationships, his addiction and particular drugs of choice, his inability to hold jobs; no accountability or responsibility. He even blamed his brother for getting upset that he (my client) stabbed his brother. After my client had stolen his brother's car in the dead of night and drove it in a ditch and abandoned it; then he lied about it and stabbed his brother for being "annoying". He manipulated other clients and staff, and was damn good at it, except for a few of us who would call him out in group sessions or through behavioral contracts.
He was my individual client and during a session, I was challenging him because there were inconsistencies in something he shared. Then he finally came clean. He is HIV+ (I was aware of this). He contracted HIV by cheating on his partner or sharing a needle (he and the person he cheated with shared needles). He had discovered he was HIV+ prior to his partners return, as they were gone for an extended period of months. He got on treatment, and then... didn't tell them at all. Still hadn't at the time I stopped working with him, and I believe they are still together.
He completed treatment by going through the motions and is now out in the community. He is young. I have a strong feeling that at some point he will move to even more malicious acts, and I wouldn't be surprised if he kills someone in the future.
PEOPLE CHANGE.
[rebelmouse-image 18980149 is_animated_gif=This isn't exactly what you were asking, but a relative of mine was given an unofficial diagnosis of ASPD when she was younger. At the time, the doctors told her family that they "didn't like to officially diagnose someone that was under 18."
As a child, she was extremely manipulative and could go from acting very _"normal" _to being stone cold in the space of a moment. Her parents forced her to go to therapy, but as soon as she became an adult, she stopped.
Her life now, as an adult, is pretty normal. She is still extremely manipulative but is also better at hiding it, so she comes off as charming. She works a normal job, though she usually changes jobs (by her own decision) every year or two. Her boyfriends seem to only last as long as they are useful for whatever reason. I don't think she really has friends though.
ALWAYS BE READY TO SWING.
[rebelmouse-image 18346884 is_animated_gif=Not a therapist, this happened to my Medical Psychology teacher (psychiatrist). Guy comes in. First time, has appointment. He is greeted by my teacher's secretary. Doctor is with another patient, running 5 minutes late. Patient is upset because he was told he would go in at X time sharp. He sits down. After 5 minutes the patient gets fed up, stands up from the reception's chair, goes to the secretary's desk, grabs the 15 inch CRT computer monitor and crashes it into the secretary's skull.
He leaves, calmly.
Secretary suffers several vertebral fractures along with a skull fracture.
I don't know if the police caught the patient afterwards.
CHILDREN ARE SCARY EARLY ON! PAY ATTENTION!
[rebelmouse-image 18980150 is_animated_gif=I work in an elementary school, I started there three years ago when the boy in question was in third grade. I knew something was off about him, but I didn't have much interaction with him. Fast forward a year, he's in fourth grade and since I work primarily in fourth and fifth grade, I'm having to deal with him a lot more. He mimics behaviors, has cold eyes and stares through people like he's dissecting them. He's very manipulative, but unfortunately (for him)/fortunately (for us) he's so wrapped up in pleasing himself and getting what he wants, he's not charming at all. Very manipulative, but lacking charm.
He was violent and would hit and kick other kids, which he was repeatedly written up for. Towards the end of fourth grade it came to a head. We were at recess playing a huge game with a lot of the fourth and fifth graders and he essentially got out. He freaked out and hit the kids who got him out. When he saw I was getting the behavior/incident report out, he ran at me.
I guess because I'm a 5'5" female, and am overweight, he wasn't expecting me to be as strong as I am, but he tried to tackle me, and instead I planted myself and he bounced off. He tried to punch me and the other teachers I was with called for back up. I just kept blocking his punches and kicks until the main disciplinary officer showed up. All the whole this kids is screaming details of how he's going to torture me, told me he was going to use my intestines to strangle me.
Reports were written and he had to go to in-patient treatment. He's back now, towards the end of fifth grade, and while he's less violent now, and doesn't threaten anyone, he's still very manipulative. He scares me.
THE BIRDS!!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980151 is_animated_gif=He had a wealth of dead birds under his bed that he poached himself. Each of them being a name of a childhood friend he"once knew."
NEVER ACCEPT FIRE!!
[rebelmouse-image 18346850 is_animated_gif=I work with kids. The boy was very charming and confident. Polite and well mannered. But I knew that he attempted to burn his sister and he liked to smear feces on the wall. He ran away a lot too. I asked my supervisor what would become of a kid like that. She said he was a sociopath in the making. Generally you don't label kids as such but his behaviors for a 10 year old were extreme. Sad case. Sad and horrifying.
SOMETIMES IT'S TOO MUCH!
[rebelmouse-image 18980152 is_animated_gif=Therapist here. I've had several clients that were a bit extra. The one that sticks out the most was during my work as an inpatient therapist where a borderline HIV + sex addicted client tried locking me in her room during rounds and offering "favors". I haven't done therapy in 2 months now and I think I'll stick to academia for now.
NO REMORSE. PAY ATTENTION!
[rebelmouse-image 18345853 is_animated_gif=I work with adolescents mostly in group homes. This kid was particularly quiet and kept to themself. It was clear he didn't understand social norms and rules. Would interject oddly and forcefully into conversations, had little to no theory of mind (understanding that others have thoughts), and would play games to understand how they should think during therapy. Anyhow, to make a long story short, they figured out how to mimic many emotions, graduated out of the program, and was transitioned back into the community. A few months after they'd left, their family was on the highway and this kid threw a dog out of the window. Zero compassion, zero remorse. They didn't learn those well and it was apparent during the intake interview and subsequent therapy. They struggled and showed distress not knowing how to act and most of what they talked about after was how to not be discovered again.
The Absolute Worst Things Someone Can Say After Sex
Reddit user AMGBOI69420 asked: 'What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?'
Who knows the perfect thing to utter after a night of carnal passion?
It's especially vexing after a first time together.
All that anticipation and wonder can be surpassed or completely destroyed.
So often, every syllable can count.
But there is certainly a list of what not to do in these situations.
And... they're pretty basic.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted to discuss all the best ways to ruin the moment, so they asked:
"What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?"
The worst I have ever said to someone is, "Morning. Sorry, I forgot your name."
Oh BOO!!
Friends Tv GIFGiphy"My ex-husband was a virgin when we met. After his first time, he said, 'I don't know why people seem to enjoy that so much.'"
"THANKS, BOO."
StrangersWithAndi
Wow Really?!
"True story..."
"My partner and I of 8 years lost our virginities to each other. He grew up in a very sex-sheltered home and I grew up in a sex-positive one. We waited until our second-year anniversary, as we wanted to make sure he was ready before we started."
"We had sex and I thought it was great, but he gets up and puts his underwear back on, muttering."
"'That wasn't worth it.'"
"God d**n it hurt, but he was referring to the anxiety he had over sex, not the sex itself. We laugh about it now."
Eas_Mackenzie
I Tried
"I think I'll go back to being gay."
AlertWar2945
"Reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill where Hank finds out Peggy lost her virginity to her friend to see if he was really gay."
"I just remember Peggy talking about how unsure he was about it but after doing the deed with her how extremely sure he was that he was gay."
No-Significance2113
Check
"Now let’s go over your performance review."
repwin1
"You joke but I had a guy send me a Google form after sex so I could give him feedback on how he did."
single-left-sock
"Honestly though that would be hilarious. Like after you're done you reach under the bed and pull out a clipboard with a bunch of things in a checklist and a review section, then sign and stamp it and give it to them."
yamanamawa
I wish I could say I believe that no person could say these things, but... I know people.
Why cheat? Why?
No Touching
"From a former FWB who never cuddled after sex and when I asked him once he said he had to leave to 'defrost some hot dogs for a party tomorrow' …a party that I wasn’t even invited to."
FishyBricky
"I mean, if he communicated with you that he did not want to cuddle and did not want anything deeper than just sex, I don't see why you'd be upset. It's really important to communicate each other's intentions before doing it."
DrizzlyEarth175
"To be fair, cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, which can increase bonding in ‘couples.’ FWB was probably scared of catching feelings."
"F**king hot dogs though!? 😆 that’s funny (now)."
ScumBunny
Keep it in the Family
"Pretty good but your mom was better."
tempestae
"I have said this. Or close. Got into a relationship with a girl whose mum, ten years previously I had hooked up with orally. She knew and thought it was funny. In fact one Xmas she was doing Xmas Dinner. Said 'Dan, mum will be here in an hour... help me in the kitchen. I'm not leaving you two in a room together.'"
rumbunkshus
Introductions
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"What's your name again?"
Leocut78
"I had a girl ask me what HER name was right before. I had no idea. She didn’t leave (or tell me her name)."
PredictBaseballBot
I’ll never forget...
"Not sure if it’s the worst but I know it hurt. I was dating this guy is hs, a varsity jock, and really cute. I could’ve sworn he had women, anyways we start dating. The first time we hooked up it sucked so bad, I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he was a virgin. I swear the look on his face is something I’ll never forget."
AuraRiver
Well that is a whole lot of therapy bills.
I get that sometimes words just fall out of our mouths, but Lord show a little decorum.
Whether we want to think so or not, we all have something to be proud of.
We've all accomplished something or are good at something that we can easily say not everyone can do.
But some of those abilities might be a little more strangely received than others.
Curious and ready to side-eye, Redditor Alynatek asked:
"What is a weird flex you are proud of?"
Impressive
"I’ve finished three chapsticks in a row without losing them."
- ferocious_coug
Organic Advertising
"I went viral and got a million+ views on YouTube in 2007 for a silly rap about the Nintendo Wii I made out of boredom, before that was a common thing, and before there were ads on YouTube."
"My video was featured on the front page of YT, on 'Attack of the Show,' and at Nintendo's E3 press conference that year, and was one of the first hundred videos available on the iPhone (since iOS didn't support Flash video at the time)."
"And while I felt like the coolest kid in town and at my campus for a period, I made exactly $0 for it."
- razmig
True Crime in Real Life
"I have survived a murder attempt and a run-in with a literal serial killer."
"In college, my roommate was the RA (Residential Assistant), and a mentally unstable student tried to kill him with cyanide. I got dose strong enough to kill but a sub in my first class of the morning was a nurse and she's the only reason I'm alive."
"I also had a run-in with Derek Todd Lee when he was active in Baton Rouge."
- Flailing_Aimlessly
"I'm mostly shocked that the murder attempt and the serial killer encounter were two different stories."
- conspicuousnips
Any Creative's Dream
"One of my favorite composers, Chris Christodoulou, responded to an email I sent him asking for feedback on a cover I did of his track, 'The Rain Formerly Known As Purple.'"
"It was a lengthy and insightful response, and it really did make the six months of working on it all worthwhile."
- Ayershole
A Complete Turnaround
"After 30 years of being a couch potato, I started running in my fifties. 11 months later, I did a half marathon in a decent time for someone half my age."
- Cheap_Woodpecker
Imitation Is the Highest Form of Praise
"I can mimic the sounds of birds, get all the birds in the area to start singing, and even get them to seek out the 'big bird.' It's kinda funny to have them completely change their song when they realize I am not a bird, almost screeching at me sometimes (especially catbirds)."
- DaSpawn
Avoiding the Sock Gods
"I'm 35 and my socks never came out unpaired out of the washing machine!"
- FlannyCake
"You are either making stuff up or are cheating by having only one foot."
- SosseV
"I light up a candle for the socks gods every time I load the washing machine."
- FlannyCake
The Joy Is in the Journey
"I walked from Mexico to Canada once."
- SPACEC0YOTE
Kicking Some Cancer Butt
"I'm CURED (not just remission) of what could be considered the most 'aggressive' type cancer known to man (most aggressive is not to be confused with most deadly). Either way, I'm still alive, b***hes!"
- zlmxtd
"Congratulations! I have metastatic colon cancer. They were able to remove most of the tumors but there are metastases that are not operable. After a huge surgery, terrible chemo, and three hospitalizations, a few weeks ago, they told me that the disease is stable, so for now I'm still here."
"I'm doing sports again, and I can eat and drink normally!"
- CryptoNarco
Breaking Generational Cycles
"I'm not an addict and my kids (age eight) have never been in foster care or involved with child protective services."
"I come from a long line of addicts... and though I don't have a high-paying job, I do work and provide above and beyond what my parents ever did, without government aid."
"I'm also nine years sober from hard drugs."
"I broke the cycle."
- GigglingPixie
The Best Shrimp and Grits
"I can turn my arm all the way around 360 degrees, and I make some of the best shrimp and grits you’ll ever have."
- Sad-bisexual-cryptid
"Now I know why my shrimp and grits never turn out right. I’ve been facing the stove."
- niels_nitely
Increasing the Number of People Who Will Try This
"I can squeeze my butt cheeks so tight it cracks my tailbone like cracking your knuckles."
- DroppedDonut
"A weird flex, BUTT okay."
- Vercci
One of the Greats
"My class was working on a short film together with professionals, and I was an editor."
"I got to work with the original editor of 'Lego Ninjago,' seasons one through three, on my class short film."
- ExternalCommon8854
Swimming the Gap
"I swam the gap between Sicily and mainland Italy."
- Happy_Improvement_96
"I just climbed the stairs from the ground level to floor three, and I only got a little bit winded. I'm probably ready for this."
- dandroid126
Undefeated Team
"Undefeated seven- and eight-year-old little league baseball coach!"
"Especially proud because I was given what they thought was a castaway squad. Our tactics were non-conventional, but we freaking crushed it!"
- NotNotRandySavage
While some of these weird flexes were indeed weird or unexpected, some of these were genuinely shocking or impressive.
A fun goal to have in life is to come up with a fun fact about yourself that could start a conversation with nearly anyone, and some of these Redditors have certainly achieved that.
It's commonly pointed out that two subjects that will put a strain on any marriage or long-term relationship are money and sex.
But some people have pointed out that the relationship doesn't have to stop just because the sex did.
Redditor Sorry_Emu5567, asked:
"Under what circumstances would you stay in a sexless marriage?"
Life Is Too Short
"My partner was born with a medical condition that cut his lifespan in half. In the end, he will most likely have a ton of health problems, and sex may not be in the equation for whatever reason."
"He is my best friend. I will love him, and care for him until the end, and then past the end. I don’t care if I have to change his diaper and wipe his a**. I don’t care if dementia comes for him. I’ll be there holding his hand."
- muddya**locus
Healing Time
"My husband broke his neck (he has fully recovered), but we spent about six months with me helping him shower and wiping his a** while his nerves and his bones healed."
"Sex was the last thing on my mind when I was helping him recover. We didn't do it for a WHILE."
"I didn't care! He's my best friend, all I cared about was making sure he was okay. Sex isn't that important, INTIMACY is, and you can achieve intimacy in many other ways than just f**king."
- erin_bex
A Plethora of Activities
"Our marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect. We actually can't stand to be apart."
Sex is just one thing we enjoy about each other, we'd miss it if it were gone, but we have 100 other things we do together for joy."
- rebcabin-r
The Cancer Diagnosis
"My late wife had cancer and sex stopped. She felt extremely guilty about it. I was too terrified to care about sex."
- WingZombie
Valuing Touch
"I think, for your average person, that sex isn't the ONLY thing, not even the MOST important thing, but it's still important for many."
"One of the things I learned relatively late in life is that 90% of what I want is just to touch and be touched. Sure, sex is really nice, but often I wonder if the problem isn't 'no sex,' but rather it's, 'she won't even touch me and doesn't like being touched by me.'"
- npsimons
Chronic Pain and More
"I stayed when my wife was diagnosed with estrogen+ Stage IV breast cancer that had already spread to her spine, liver, and pelvis. Our daughter had just turned six, and our son wasn't even one year old."
"Part of the treatment intended to prolong her life was to artificially induce menopause to cut off estrogen in an attempt to reduce the mechanism the tumor could 'feed' upon, if you will."
"Up to that point, we didn't know why she was in so much back pain and I had been pretty down about the absence of a previously robust sex life... but then it all, sadly, became too clear. She went from wanting it but being in pain to literally zero drive whatsoever."
"We got 20 more months together. She passed in Sept 2019, 20 months after Stage IV diagnosis."
- DGSolar
True Story
"A marriage without sex can last if there is still love, commitment, laughter, friendship, loyalty, and communication."
- zzz_red
The Realities of Life
"I think when people view all sexless marriages with horror, they’re forgetting that, if you intend marriage to be forever, it’s a LONG time."
"People get sick, work schedules get bad, kids exhaust you, and hormones are a godd**ned b***h (f**king perimenopause)."
"You have to make sure you communicate enough so one person isn’t just feeling totally abandoned, but when it’s something like mutual exhaustion, sometimes it just happens and it really can just be a phase."
- justtheretosavestuff
Accidents Happen
"If my partner got injured and was incapable of having or enjoying sex anymore, it isn’t their fault, and although I would miss it TERRIBLY and probably feel a little miserable every time I got horny, it wasn’t a choice they made to leave our sexual side behind. Why would I leave someone I loved dearly for something they couldn’t help?"
- Tablesafety
Sleep Schedule
"People get busy, and they start prioritizing sleep over sex. We both do it. Then you get used to it. Then it’s just not something we talk about anymore."
- AllAfterIncinerators
In It For the Long Haul
"If my partner was incapable of performing, I would absolutely stay. He is my everything. We are partners, best friends, and lovers. Sex is only one part of the equation and the other parts more than make up for it."
"We have had issues over the years on both sides (not gonna go into details), so when I say I would not leave and also he would not, we have already faced this question so we know the answer."
"Just because one partner can’t perform, doesn’t mean the other loses their sexuality completely. You can self-perform so to speak. You still can still have intimacy. There are still a lot of things that can be done. Just full-on two-person traditional sex is out, which doesn’t have to be a game changer if you have communication between partners."
"Source: Been married 30 years."
- Drachenfuer
The Opposite is Worse
"It's gonna sound cheesy as all h**l, but when someone becomes your family, best friend, and loved one, sex is just a part of that intimacy and having fun with your partner."
"You can also be in a marriage with sex and no intimacy, which in my honest opinion, is WORSE than a sexless marriage where you still have intimacy."
- yea_nah448
In Sickness and In Health
"When we will be old, I think it’s going to be different, and sex will not be as important, so probably at that point."
"And if my husband became very ill or had an accident that would make it impossible for him to have sex, then I would stay in a sexless marriage."
"It’s in sickness and in health."
- Hekatevenstar
"My 80-year-old Grandfather bought my 80-year-old Grandmother lingerie for Valentine’s Day and then told us about it at dinner. Lol (laughing out loud)."
- SolarStar2950
Their Penguin
"My marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband is the greatest person I have ever met, and hanging out with him is literally what I live for."
"If he suddenly decided he never wanted to have sex again, I would definitely stay."
"He is my penguin, my life partner, and life without him would be unbearable."
- F**kingButteredJorts
Their #1 For Life
"My wife and I do not have sex regularly, but that's my f**king #1, homie."
"If I divorced her, I'd lose my best friend. That s**t ain't worth it. Pornhub is free, but 15 years of friendship, inside jokes, memories, laughs, and someone to watch s**tty horror movies with me is priceless."
- photoyoyo
Sex is going to play a vital role in many marriages, and intimacy in the bedroom will be enough to end a marriage for some.
But for others, it wasn't a matter of ending the relationship, but simply allowing it to pivot with the changes in their circumstances. Like letting our partners grow and growing with them, they allowed the marriage to change and grow, too.
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.