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Therapists Describe The Patient They Had Who Was A Genuinely Bad Person

Therapists Describe The Patient They Had Who Was A Genuinely Bad Person
Sozavisimost /pixabay

*The following article contains discussion of sexual assault.

Patients are comforted in knowing when they seek a mental health specialist, they are in a safe space to ensure they can open up about the issues weighing on them without judgment.

Patient confidentiality is protected under state law, but that doesn't mean therapists don't silently judge a client's moral character if they are seriously flawed individuals.


Curious to hear from professionals, Redditor godslayingdruglord asked:

"Therapists of Reddit, when is a time you’ve believed someone one of your patients was just a bad person?"

Some people are not fit to be parents.

Calling Child Protection Services​

"Client told me about cornering their daughter, whose claims of sexual abuse the client didn’t believe... The client stopped coming after I called child services. I won’t give hard numbers, but client had more kids than you can count on one hand, all of whom were taken by child services at different points. I was the third person this client had seen and none of us could get the client to acknowledge any degree of responsibility."

"Childhood abuse is horrible, wrong, and can mess a person up for a long time, but that does not make it okay to do the same to your kids."

"Edit: I feel obligated to add a line that I've worked with people who have done some pretty horrendous things and still not considered them bad people. Even this client was redeemable in my eyes until they decided they'd rather allow the kid to be hurt than to pursue more therapy. Fingers crossed that they just went to someone else."

– bda-goat

History Of Abuse

"A client told me that whenever he sees his 4 year old son struggling to get something done or trying to learn something, he makes fun of him and tells him he's stupid and will never succeed. He later told me his mother used to be an absolute unpredictable tyrant around the house and as a child he was put in a barn in the garden with no food for days. Even though I felt for him, I couldn't help but feel anger towards him."

– Sifraar

Under Assessment For Personality Disorder

"I'm relatively new at it (2nd year practising after 6 years of studying), and there's one client that just bugs me?"

"I know she is a product of abuse and mental illness, but she has inflicted so much harm on everyone around her, including her own kids, which she just does not care about. It's all about her and how much she has been hurt."

"Her kids are older now and have protective orders against her, which is her main complaint right now. She doesn't understand why they don't just deal with it so she's happy, when she would never do the same for them."

"I show empathy and am totally committed to helping her, but there's still a bit of me that can't stop getting, I don't know, annoyed by her? Something just doesn't sit right with me."

"Assessing her for personality disorders at the moment. Maybe that will help me understand her better so I can see her side more. It's a complicated job sometimes!"

– 13Amy13

Advice From An Experienced Professional

"Long term project there. I have a relative who also can't see how she hurts other people (and herself honestly). Her youngest kid got taken away by CPS, and she still doesn't relate this at all to her own behavior and choices."

"Don't lose sleep over it. Do what you can and recognize that you will not save them all!"

– I_want_to_choose

Parents Who Don't Qualify As "Protective Adults"

"Been practicing for about 10 years now. As a previous redditer said, we treat clients with unconditional positive regard, respect and non-judgement. If we can't do this, then it is probably not a safe space for the client (referring on is recommended). While some clients may be challenging, our training helps us understand the underlying causes of the behaviour (trauma hx, attachment style, personality, brain functioning etc). So, I wouldn't consider my clients bad. But clients with limited insight or motivation is hard work!"

"I have however, come across very harmful parents, carers, trusted adults and/or systems in my work that I consider as bad people. When working with children, one of the hardest things is working with parents who are not able/willing to be protective adults. Worse still is when systems meant to protect children (child protection, family court) end up putting them in further harm."

– chickie_bickie

The "Irredeemable" Kind

"There were a few times, yes, but I'd rather not go into it. Some people, especially those who hurt kids, are irredeemable."

– EspressoBooksCats

These clients are examples of people who are narcissistic and lack self-awareness.

The Flirtatious Husband

"I had one client that just didn’t care about cheating on his wife. He got married really young (not sure why, they didn’t have kids) but by the time I met him he was in his 30s."

"He only came in because his wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t. He also thought he 'might' be a narcissist. He calmly discussed how he cheated on his wife constantly during their 20s together, and showed little if any remorse about this. He seemed to be proud of his ability to sleep with women."

"It seemed his remorse was that she wanted to leave him and he got some benefit from her being around. But he didn’t really care about hurting her. Still, he came in for his first few sessions saying the right things and claiming to want to be a better husband."

"Then he came in after a family party. He told a story about how he was 'just talking' to a 19 year old woman there. Of course, as the story went on, it became clear he was obviously flirting, and getting progressively drunker and bolder throughout the party. This was also in front of his wife’s whole family. He began hitting on this girl badly, touching her, and came close to kissing her before his wife literally had to drag him away, while crying."

"Again, he showed very little if any remorse. He 'didn’t do anything' and 'didn’t see why this was a big deal.' I tried to help him make connections, but it wasn’t getting through. Right before the end of this session, I informed him the office would begin enforcing a mask mandate (start of Covid)."

"He didn’t show to his next appointment, and when I called him to tell him I would apply the missed session fee, he claimed he never actually confirmed this appointment and had never 'fully committed' to coming back the next week, even though we agreed to it."

"I knew he would be a problem, so I just waived it and took him off the schedule. Never heard from him again. And I was glad that was the case. I don’t think he was a monster, but man, he was such an a**hole."

metastar13

You Can't Help Those Who Don't Want Help

"I don't think any clients are bad people but I would say those that have certain personality disorders with no insight can cause a lot of pain to others and not ever realize/acknowledge the destruction they've caused. They also tend to live incredibly lonely painful lives as again they don't see their part in their problems and just feel that horrible things happen to them and place blame externally. They are also less likely to seek therapy because of this lack of awareness and are more difficult to treat."

– nictme

For Social Media

"When they discreetly recorded a session for tiktok views."

– squatwaddle

Some therapists questioned about what makes a "bad person."

Not Defined By Bad Actions

"I’ve had plenty of clients who have done bad things. A lot of them may not recognize the severity of their actions or how badly they affect others, but I never see them as a 'bad person.' I just see them as people who have done bad things who are working on improving themselves."

– Samara1010

Powerful Insight

"I'm a therapist, and I've seen a few therapists or people in caring professions who have held this perspective about Clients, and its quite dangerous. Being non-judgemental is basically page one of the therapists handbook."

"I won't give any specific details, but I've had a Client receive an off-hand diagnosis from another professional, which was totally inaccurate, because they thought he was a bad person."

"It turned out, after advocating for an assessment, that the Client had an intellectual disability and his processing of information and consequential thinking was impaired."

"I think any good therapist should never seriously believe that a Client is a bad person. Not only is it a useless/irrelevant 'diagnosis/opinion', it's therapeutically harmful to hold them in that light, and it creates projections onto the Client."

"Not to mention, it goes against all the good science we have on psychological development, systems theory, etc. that while there is good and bad behaviour, people are not 'good' and 'bad'. Its far more complicated than that."

– BobbyByrde

It's Subjective

"Lack of empathy and narcissistic qualities can point you in that direction but 'bad' is subjective. I’d have to have a pretty solid definition of bad bc it could be a lot or it could be just a handful. I’ve had clients I knew weren’t going to progress any further, and someone who isn’t going to change at all can be seen as 'bad'. Honestly most MH professionals aren’t going to answer questions like this."

– mooncricket18

While each case is different, overall, many therapists generally believed that no one is fundamentally a "bad" person, and perceiving a client as such impairs their ability to properly assess how to approach a session.

If you or someone you know experienced sexual assault, help is out there. You can reach the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline by calling 1-800-656-4673, use their Live Chat tool: https://www.rainn.org/get-help, or visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.

In Canada, help is available through the Ending Violence Association of Canada website.

International resources can be found through the Rape Crisis Network Europe website.

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.